Ernst was still living in his rooms
in the Nieuwe Uitleg, surrounded by his collections,
surrounded by his hobbies. A man of fifty now,
he led a silent, solitary life amid his books, his
china, his curiosities; and the landlady looked after
him and cooked his meals, because he paid well, paid
too much indeed. He saw little of the family because
the others really lived as secluded as he did, Paul
in his rooms, Dorine at her boarding-house, though
she was never satisfied and was constantly changing
her boarding-house; and no family-tie drew him to Van
Saetzema’s house or Karel’s. In this
way a separation and estrangement had grown up among
all of them; the bond between them had perished, now
that Mamma was no longer at the Hague to gather them
all around her on Sunday evenings in her big house
in the Alexander Straat; and Constance, of late years,
had often pressed him to come and live at Driebergen.
But he obstinately refused; and yet, on the rare occasions
when he saw her at the Hague, he would take her hand
and sit knee to knee with her, unbosoming himself
of all his stored-up discontent with the rooms, the
meals, the landlady, that brother of hers: the
brother especially, whom he could never stand, the
vulgar bounder, as he called him. Constance then
felt him to be an aging, always lonely man, who never
uttered his thoughts and who, because of this continual
silence, bottled up within himself the thousands of
words which he now poured forth to her all in one
torrent with a timid look, as if he were afraid that
the landlady and her brother were standing behind
the door, listening. When Constance, at such
times, tried to persuade him to move to Driebergen,
he shook his head obstinately, as though some part
of him had grown fast to that room of his, as though
he could not tear himself out of it; and his eyes
would glance at his books and his china, as though
to say that it was impossible to remove all that.
And, because he was calm and no trouble and quiet
in his behaviour, she let him alone, because this was
what he preferred: to live within himself, among
his hobbies, solitary, shy and eccentric. Five
years ago, it was true, he had been ill again, had
talked to himself for days on end, had wandered about
in the Wood. Paul wrote to Constance and she
had come over; but Ernst had soon grown quiet again,
afraid no doubt that he would have to go back to Nunspeet,
afraid of a change of residence, afraid of keepers,
of nurses, of the things which he had never been able
to forgive any of them, not even Constance. That
was years ago, five years ago; and lately Constance
and Addie too had never seen Ernst other than calm
and peaceful, though a good deal of strange and silent
brooding seemed to lurk behind the silent cunning
of his dark, staring eyes. But then, months and
months would again pass without their seeing him,
without their hearing of him; they were all accustomed
to his strangeness; and the months would drag past
without the threatened crisis coming. No, nothing
came, even though the man was strange, though he did
talk to himself, though he was full of bottled-up
grievances; and, when they saw him again after a lapse
of months, they were struck by a certain artistic
method in his rooms with their beautiful warm colouring,
struck by some new arrangement of the furniture, by
some new purchase; and he, as though conscious that
he was on trial, would talk almost normally, terrified
lest they should drag him from his rooms, to which
he was attached even though the landlady and her brother
always stood spying behind the door....
Constance, feeling suddenly upset
and filled with self-reproach at neglecting Ernst,
went to the Hague with Addie the day after Adolphine’s
visit; and the two of them arrived unexpected in the
Nieuwe Uitleg.
“Meneer is out,” said the landlady.
“In this rain?” asked Constance.
“Yes, ma’am, he went out early this morning.”
“How has he been lately?”
“Pretty well, ma’am.
As usual. Meneer is always odd, you know, but
he is not troublesome. He is fairly well.”
“Not like ...?”
“Some years ago? No, ma’am.
Meneer has been talking to himself rather more of
late, but that’s all. Will you wait for
him?”
“Yes.”
“He is sure to be back by twelve
o’clock or so. He is very regular in his
habits. Won’t you come upstairs?”
Constance and Addie went upstairs and waited in Ernst’s
room.
“Poor fellow, poor fellow!” said Constance,
with emotion.
She did not know what was the matter
with her, but she felt full of self-reproach.
Oh, were they not leaving him too much alone, sunk
in his solitude? How she wished that she could
coax him to go back with her to Driebergen and to
live there, not far from them, in a little villa, with
some people who were in the habit of looking after
invalids! Oh, not in their own house, not in
their own house! She would never have dared suggest
that to Van der Welcke; nor had Addie ever
proposed it. No, not at home, not at home, but
somewhere near, so that she could see him at any moment
and not worry herself with the idea of his suddenly
having a nervous breakdown with no one by him to take
his piteous soul-sickness to heart.
And, as she sat thinking, she looked
around her and was struck by the manner in which the
eerie lines of the old porcelain and new pottery curved
against the sombre hangings and furniture. It
was very strange, stranger than she had ever noticed.
The setting enhanced the eeriness of it all.
As the years passed, the vases had become more and
more of a disease, blossoming in eerie lines and glowing
glaze like some vicious orchid, high against the walls,
rising to the ceiling, in a riot of exotic forms,
like a vegetation reaching up, stretching up, stretching
up necks and hands with the necks and handles of the
vases, as though trying to rise higher and higher
beyond the grasp of profane mortals.
“Why does Ernst put his vases
so high up?” Constance wondered, as she looked
round the room.
Suddenly he entered. The landlady
below must have told him that his sister and his nephew,
the young doctor, were upstairs, for the movement
with which he turned the door-handle was abrupt, his
glance as he stood and looked from the one to the
other was laden with suspicion and his voice trembled
violently as he asked:
“What are you here for?”
He stood before them an old, trembling
man. His neglected clothes hung in old, slack
folds about his angular limbs; his hair already almost
entirely grey, hung long and lank around his lean,
trembling features and dark, staring eyes, which looked
with a martyred glance from the one to the other.
And yet, however neglected and soul-sick this trembling
man might be, who looked an old, old man though he
was not more than fifty, a gleam of intelligence shone
deep down in his suspicious glance; and his long,
lean fingers were those of an artist: impotent
to paint or model, in lime, colour, wood or sound,
the fluttering, ever-present dream of a beauty only
just divined.
They both strove to reassure him,
said that they happened to be at the Hague and so
had come to look him up; and, after the first shock,
he really did not strike them as strange or more ill
than usual. Suddenly even a ray of sympathy seemed
to shoot through him and he sat down between them,
took their hands and delivered himself of his complaint:
“Hush! They’re always
listening behind the door, the brutes!” he whispered,
timidly. “The landlady and her brother!
I can’t call my soul my own; they’re always
spying.... When I’m undressing, when I go
to bed, when I have my meals ... they’re always
spying. I can hear them grinning.... They’re
standing there now, to hear if we’re talking
about them.... And, when I open the door, they’re
gone in a moment ... so quickly, just like ghosts....
The other day, he lay under my bed all night.
I’m getting used to it, I no longer mind....
But, properly speaking, I can’t call my soul
my own. Any one with less steady nerves than
mine simply could not stand it, could never stand it....”
“But, Ernst, why don’t you move?”
He knew the question well, he recognized
the motive. He gave a kind and condescending
little smile, because they did not know, because they
were so coarse of fibre.
“I can’t very well move,”
he said. “You see ... I have everything
here ... everything here....”
His glance and his gestures became
very vague, as though he did not wish to say more.
And Addie saw how it was: Uncle Ernst still believed,
had always, all those years, believed in the souls
that swarmed around him, the souls that had been conjured
like spirits out of books, curiosities and old vases.
But he never spoke of the souls now, because he remembered
only too well how stupid and wicked his people had
been in the old days. After that attack twelve
years ago, he had gone on believing in these brain-and
soul-phantoms of his, but he had learnt to keep silent
about them, to talk as the stupid people talked.
Or by preference he did not talk at all.... But
this very silence had caused his mistrust to develop
into a mania that he was being persecuted, a mania
that made him constantly look round, timidly....
He would open the door, look into the passage....
And Constance knew that, in the street, he was for
ever looking round, attracting the attention of the
passers-by with this frightened, suspicious trick of
his.
Addie saw it: Ernst believed
in the souls which lay crowding around him, which
linked themselves with chains to his soul, which he
dragged with him through the mud of the streets and
the wretchedness of life, the souls that thronged
in agony around him, until they weighed down his chest
and stifled him so that he longed to run half-naked
into the street to cool himself in rain and air, to
gulp down the wind. And very deeply bedded in
the sick soul Addie saw hypersensitiveness hiding as
an adorable tenderness which, instead of turning to
a disease, might have developed into the profoundest
qualities of sympathetic feeling, not only to feel,
but also to know and understand, because of the slumbering
spark of intelligence, because of the knowledge so
eagerly gleaned.... And now these were wasted
gifts, morbid qualities, now it was all useless and
sick and had become more sick and more useless as the
sick years of shadow drearily dragged on their misty-melancholy
introspection and increasing distrustfulness.
It was all, all lost. And, in his pity at this
fatal waste, at this tenderness which had soured almost
into madness and was devoted to shadows while the
poor world stood in such real need of tenderness and
feeling, Addie remembered how once, years ago, he
had felt conscious of a longing with a single word
to cure the sick man: but which, which word?
It was as though he knew that one word to be hovering
in the air around him, while he was still too young
and ignorant to catch it as he might have caught a
butterfly with his hat! And now, now he knew
for certain after all those years of misty-melancholy
introspection and increasing distrustfulness that
it was too late and that the man could not recover
and that he would die as he had lived in the almost
proud hallucination which brought around him for protection
the numberless oppressed, persecuted and martyred souls,
suffocating him in the cloud of their frail tortured
and complaining bodies. And it was not only the
souls: the living who sought him out were also
included in his proud illusion; they also needed his
support, because he alone was strong and all of them
were weak.
It was too late for a cure; but still
Addie longed, though he knew for certain that no cure
could ever take place, to free that lost and impaired
quality of noble feeling from everything that could
shock or offend the silent, suffering man; and he
swore to himself to get Uncle Ernst out of the Hague,
out of these rooms, where he was taking root and at
the same time being tortured. He happened that
day to feel very restful, very calm, even though,
deep down in the subsoil of his soul, black self-insufficiency
lowered as usual. He would not know what to do
for himself; for this sick man he did know what to
do! For himself, he groped around in a dark labyrinth;
for the man of stricken brain and soul he knew it
all suddenly, with a bright ray of clearest perception,
knew with a sacred, instinctive knowledge! And
yet there was not a touch of joy, not a touch of ecstasy
or fervour in his sombre, melancholy glance, in his
deep, sombre voice, when, with his customary earnestness
of words and manner, he said to his mother:
“Mamma, you must leave me alone with Uncle Ernst.”
She looked at him. And, despite
his quietness, his earnestness, his calm and sombreness,
she knew her son too well not to feel, suddenly, that
he knew.
“Very well,” she said,
“you stay with Uncle Ernst. I’ll go
round to Aunt Adolphine and see Marietje. When
and where shall I see you? This evening, at the
hotel?”
He shook his head:
“No,” he said. “You
had better go back by yourself to Driebergen, with
Marietje. As for me....”
He paused, as though reflecting, passed
his hand across his forehead:
“As for me, you’ll see
me to-morrow,” he said, “or the next day....”
“At Driebergen? At home?”
“Yes.”
“And ... your uncle?”
He made a sign with his eyelids; and
she understood him, partly, and asked no more.
She took leave of Ernst and moved to go; but Ernst
kept her for a moment at the door:
“Constance....”
“What is it, Ernst?”
“If there’s anything ...
that I can do for you, you’ll tell me, won’t
you? Tell me frankly.... It’s very
difficult for me, I know ... to look after all of
you ... but, if I don’t, nobody else will....
So tell me plainly if I can help you in any way....”
“There’s nothing at the moment, Ernst....”
“But later on?...”
“Perhaps.”
“Then I shall be very glad to help. You
must ask me straight out.”
“I will.”
“Look here ... you must be careful....”
“Of what?”
“Of the brother.... The
fellow’s a scoundrel. Take care, don’t
speak too loud: he’s standing behind the
door. You see, he can’t reach so high.”
“What do you mean?”
“He can’t reach up to
my poor vases. He would have to take the steps
... and he won’t do that in a hurry.”
“What used he to do to the vases, Ernst?”
“Take them in his hands.”
“I dare say he admired them.”
“No, he used to break them ... on purpose.
He ... he....”
“What, Ernst?”
“He used to throttle them.
Hush! He used to wring their necks with his vile
fingers.”
Then he realized at length that he
was saying too much and he gave a loud, kindly laugh:
“You don’t believe that
he used to throttle them. Well, at any rate,
they’re safer up there.”
“At least, he can’t break them.”
“No. What’s the matter with Addie?
He’s not looking well.”
“Nothing. He’s staying on to talk
to you.”
“Is there anything I can do for him?”
“Perhaps there is, Ernst. Have a talk with
him.”
“You people are a heavy burden on me....”
“I must go now, dear.”
She kissed him good-bye.
“Be careful,” he whispered.
Suddenly, he swung open the door:
“There!” he cried, triumphantly.
“Did you see? The scoundrel slips away
so quickly. Just like a ghost. No, more like
a devil.”
She gave a last glance at Addie; her
eyelids flickered at him and she went away. Ernst
closed the door very carefully.
“He simply can’t go on
living by himself,” thought Constance, as she
hurried to the Van Saetzemas’.
It was a very small house in a side-street
at Duinoord; and she found Van Saetzema sick and ailing
in a stuffy little sitting-room; she saw Caroline,
too, bitter-eyed and bitter-mouthed, generally embittered
by her dull existence as spinster of nearly thirty,
with no prospect of marrying. Meanwhile, Adolphine
kept her sister waiting. She had obviously run
upstairs to put on a clean tea-gown. At the back
of the little house, under the grey sky, which sent
down a false, morning light through the heavy rain-clouds,
the atmosphere seemed full of bitterness ... bitterness
because they were ill and poor and disappointed; and
all this dreariness was scantily and narrowly housed
between the father, mother and daughter, in the little
room where they kept getting in one another’s
way. A melancholy born of pity welled up in Constance;
and she tried to talk cheerfully, while Van Saetzema
coughed and complained, Caroline, bitter-mouthed and
bitter-eyed, sat silent and Adolphine suddenly, with
no attempt at preamble, observed to Constance:
“It’s splendid air here,
at Duinoord.... And the house is extraordinarily
convenient....”
But her boasting voice choked as she
completed her sentence more humbly:
“For the four of us.”
“And where is Marietje?” asked Constance.
“Upstairs. She likes being upstairs, in
her own little room....”
“How is she to-day?”
“Just the same.”
“May I see her?”
Adolphine rose with some hesitation.
But she took Constance upstairs and opened a door:
“Marietje, here’s Aunt Constance.”
The girl rose from her chair in the
grey light of the little room. She was tall and
pale and, in that light, seemed suddenly to blossom
up like a lily of sorrow, with the white head drooping
at the neck, a little on one side. The very fair
hair hung limply about the temples. It was heavy her
only attraction and was wrung into a heavy
knot which she wore low at her neck. The movements
of her long arms, of her long, thin hands betrayed
a listless, lingering anæmia; and her blouse hung
in folds over her flat bosom. She was twenty-six,
but looked younger; her lacklustre eyes were innocent
of all passion, as though she were incapable of ever
becoming a woman, as though her senses were dying away
like some fading lily on its bending stalk.
“Good-morning, Auntie.”
The little room was grey and white
as a nun’s cell, with the cloistered simplicity
of a hermitage.
“I’m so glad to see you, Marietje.”
“Auntie, Mamma said that you and Uncle....”
“Yes, Marietje, we’ll
be glad to have you with us. Mamma has told you,
hasn’t she?... Then Addie can....”
“It’s very kind of you, Auntie. But
... but I would rather not come.”
“What do you mean, dear?”
“I would rather stay here....
There’s not much about me to cure; and I’m
not anxious to be cured. And in your house....”
“Well?”
“I should be so gloomy.
I am never bright or cheerful, you know. And I
hardly ever come downstairs.”
Adolphine’s eyes filled with tears.
“It’s true,” she said, softly.
“She lives up here.”
“You would be cheerful enough with us, Marietje.”
“No, Auntie, I should feel uncomfortable
with you ... because I am not cheerful. I should
depress you all.”
“We are not so easily depressed.
And the chief thing is that Addie could treat you
regularly.”
Marietje gave a pale smile.
“Why won’t you go, dear?” asked
Adolphine.
The girl retained her pale smile.
She seemed to be wrestling with a temptation that
opened up soft and peaceful visions in her pale life
as a constant invalid; but she did not wish to yield.
“Come,” said Constance, “you had
much better, really.”
Suddenly Marietje felt herself grow
very weak. She saw death, saw the end so very
close before her eyes; and the soft, peaceful visions
would never be more than a very brief hallucination,
which after all she might as well accept. And,
because she suddenly felt as though in a dream, she
had no strength to resist the gently persuasive voices
of her mother and her aunt, which were luring and
luring her, like voices from very far away, voices
which she seemed to hear through the haze of vague
and enticing distance. Yet her own wan voice
did not reveal what she felt, as she continued feebly
objecting:
“I should be too much trouble. An invalid
is so depressing.”
“It would be very difficult for Addie to look
after you here.”
“Besides, you have Grandmamma....”
“She’s no trouble.”
“And little Klaasje.”
“Yes, but that’s different.”
“How are Marietje and Adele?”
“Quite well, very well indeed.
We’ll go on calling her Marietje and, if you
come down, we’ll call you ... let’s say
Mary, to avoid confusion.”
“Mary....”
“Will that do?”
“But your house is so full as it is.”
“Guy is giving you his room.”
The girl uttered more faint words
and phrases, but they were like little waves which
carried her softly and tenderly towards the gentle
vision and the dream.
“Very well, Auntie,” she said, at last.
“You are very good to me.”
“It’s only natural, as
far as I’m concerned. But, when you’re
at Driebergen, you’ll thank your uncle, won’t
you?”
“Of course. It’s his house.”
“Yes.”
“Won’t it be rather damp
... for Marietje?” asked Adolphine, hesitatingly.
“I don’t think so,” said Constance.
“Constance,” said Adolphine,
taking her hand, “it is so kind of you ... and
I am so grateful....”
Her voice trembled as she spoke.
“My dear, what a fuss you make!”
said Constance. “I’m your sister and
Marietje is my niece. But....”
“But what?”
“It certainly is kind ... of Henri.”
“Yes, it’s very nice of your husband.”
“You see, it’s his house.”
“Yes ... and he had so many
calls on him,” said Adolphine, humbly.
“Constance, won’t you let me pay something
... for Marietje’s keep? So much a month,
I mean ... until she’s a little better....”
“You’d better not bother to do that, Adolphine.”
“You have so many expenses.”
“Yes, but you’ve plenty of use for your
money too.”
“What I mean is ... it’s your husband’s
money.”
“I know. But Henri would rather you didn’t
pay anything ... really.”
“Really?”
“I’m sure of it.
If you or Van Saetzema wrote him a line ... he’d
like that.”
“Of course I shall. I shall thank him myself.”
“And you’ll come and see
the child whenever you like, won’t you, Adolphine?”
“Yes, Constance, I will....
What a pity it is that you don’t live in the
Hague!”
“Why?”
“Oh, the Hague is so much our
town, our family town; and your house, now that Mamma
is so old, is certainly the house ... of the
family, the centre, so to speak....”
“It’s Henri’s house.”
“Yes, that’s what I mean.”
Constance stood up to go:
“Then will Marietje come down with me to-morrow?”
“Yes, we’ll pack her trunk.”
Marietje rose suddenly, threw her
arm round Constance and sobbed excitedly:
“Auntie ... Auntie ... I do think
it so....”
“So what, dear?”
The rapture died out of her voice; and she concluded:
“I think it so kind ... of Uncle
... of Uncle and you ... to have me ... to live with
you, to live with you....”
Van Saetzema downstairs had a violent
attack of coughing; and Adolphine rushed anxiously
out of the door.