Doctor Franck came in as I sat sewing
up the rents in an old shirt, that Tom might go tidily
to his grave. New shirts were needed for the
living, and there was no wife or mother to “dress
him handsome when he went to meet the Lord,”
as one woman said, describing the fine funeral she
had pinched herself to give her son.
“Miss Dane, I’m in a quandary,”
began the Doctor, with that expression of countenance
which says as plainly as words, “I want to ask
a favor, but I wish you’d save me the trouble.”
“Can I help you out of it?
“Faith! I don’t
like to propose it, but you certainly can, if you
please.”
“Then give it a name, I beg.”
“You see a Reb has just been
brought in crazy with typhoid; a bad case every way;
a drunken, rascally little captain somebody took the
trouble to capture, but whom nobody wants to take
the trouble to cure. The wards are full, the
ladies worked to death, and willing to be for our
own boys, but rather slow to risk their lives for a
Reb. Now you’ve had the fever, you like
queer patients, your mate will see to your ward for
a while, and I will find you a good attendant.
The fellow won’t last long, I fancy; but he
can’t die without some sort of care, you know.
I’ve put him in the fourth story of the west
wing, away from the rest. It is airy, quiet,
and comfortable there. I’m on that ward,
and will do my best for you in every way. Now,
then, will you go?”
“Of course I will, out of perversity,
if not common charity; for some of these people think
that because I’m an abolitionist I am also a
heathen, and I should rather like to show them, that,
though I cannot quite love my enemies, I am willing
to take care of them.”
“Very good; I thought you’d
go; and speaking of abolition reminds me that you
can have a contraband for servant, if you like.
It is that fine mulatto fellow who was found burying
his Rebel master after the fight, and, being badly
cut over the head, our boys brought him along.
Will you have him?”
“By all means, for
I’ll stand to my guns on that point, as on the
other; these black boys are far more faithful and handy
than some of the white scamps given me to serve, instead
of being served by. But is this man well enough?”
“Yes, for that sort of work,
and I think you’ll like him. He must have
been a handsome fellow before he got his face slashed;
not much darker than myself; his master’s son,
I dare say, and the white blood makes him rather high
and haughty about some things. He was in a bad
way when he came in, but vowed he’d die in the
street rather than turn in with the black fellows
below; so I put him up in the west wing, to be out
of the way, and he’s seen to the captain all
the morning. When can you go up?”
“As soon as Tom is laid out,
Skinner moved, Haywood washed, Marble dressed, Charley
rubbed, Downs taken up, Upham laid down, and the whole
forty fed.”
We both laughed, though the Doctor
was on his way to the dead-house and I held a shroud
on my lap. But in a hospital one learns that
cheerfulness is one’s salvation; for, in an atmosphere
of suffering and death, heaviness of heart would soon
paralyze usefulness of hand, if the blessed gift of
smiles had been denied us.
In an hour I took possession of my
new charge, finding a dissipated-looking boy of nineteen
or twenty raving in the solitary little room, with
no one near him but the contraband in the room adjoining.
Feeling decidedly more interest in the black man than
in the white, yet remembering the Doctor’s hint
of his being “high and haughty,” I glanced
furtively at him as I scattered chloride of lime about
the room to purify the air, and settled matters to
suit myself. I had seen many contrabands, but
never one so attractive as this. All colored
men are called “boys,” even if their heads
are white; this boy was five-and-twenty at least,
strong-limbed and manly, and had the look of one who
never had been cowed by abuse or worn with oppressive
labor. He sat on his bed doing nothing; no book,
no pipe, no pen or paper anywhere appeared, yet anything
less indolent or listless than his attitude and expression
I never saw. Erect he sat with a hand on either
knee, and eyes fixed on the bare wall opposite, so
rapt in some absorbing thought as to be unconscious
of my presence, though the door stood wide open and
my movements were by no means noiseless. His
face was half averted, but I instantly approved the
Doctor’s taste, for the profile which I saw
possessed all the attributes of comeliness belonging
to his mixed race. He was more quadroon than mulatto,
with Saxon features, Spanish complexion darkened by
exposure, color in lips and cheek, waving hair, and
an eye full of the passionate melancholy which in
such men always seems to utter a mute protest against
the broken law that doomed them at their birth.
What could he be thinking of? The sick boy cursed
and raved, I rustled to and fro, steps passed the
door, bells rang, and the steady rumble of army-wagons
came up from the street, still he never stirred.
I had seen colored people in what they call “the
black sulks,” when, for days, they neither smiled
nor spoke, and scarcely ate. But this was something
more than that; for the man was not dully brooding
over some small grievance, he seemed to
see an all-absorbing fact or fancy recorded on the
wall, which was a blank to me. I wondered if
it were some deep wrong or sorrow, kept alive by memory
and impotent regret; if he mourned for the dead master
to whom he had been faithful to the end; or if the
liberty now his were robbed of half its sweetness
by the knowledge that some one near and dear to him
still languished in the hell from which he had escaped.
My heart quite warmed to him at that idea; I wanted
to know and comfort him; and, following the impulse
of the moment, I went in and touched him on the shoulder.
In an instant the man vanished and
the slave appeared. Freedom was too new a boon
to have wrought its blessed changes yet, and as he
started up, with his hand at his temple and an obsequious
“Yes, Ma’am,” any romance that had
gathered round him fled away, leaving the saddest of
all sad facts in living guise before me. Not
only did the manhood seem to die out of him, but the
comeliness that first attracted me; for, as he turned,
I saw the ghastly wound that had laid open cheek and
forehead. Being partly healed, it was no longer
bandaged, but held together with strips of that transparent
plaster which I never see without a shiver and swift
recollections of scenes with which it is associated
in my mind. Part of his black hair had been shorn
away, and one eye was nearly closed; pain so distorted,
and the cruel sabre-cut so marred that portion of
his face, that, when I saw it, I felt as if a fine
medal had been suddenly reversed, showing me a far
more striking type of human suffering and wrong than
Michel Angelo’s bronze prisoner. By one
of those inexplicable processes that often teach us
how little we understand ourselves, my purpose was
suddenly changed, and though I went in to offer comfort
as a friend, I merely gave an order as a mistress.
“Will you open these windows? this man needs
more air.”
He obeyed at once, and, as he slowly urged up the unruly sash, the handsome
profile was again turned toward me, and again I was possessed by my first
impression so strongly that I involuntarily said,
“Thank you, Sir.”
Perhaps it was fancy, but I thought that in the look of mingled surprise and
something like reproach which he gave me there was also a trace of grateful
pleasure. But he said, in that tone of spiritless humility these poor
souls learn so soon,
“I ain’t a white man, Ma’am, I’m
a contraband.”
“Yes, I know it; but a contraband
is a free man, and I heartily congratulate you.”
He liked that; his face shone, he squared his shoulders, lifted his head, and
looked me full in the eye with a brisk
“Thank ye, Ma’am; anything more to do
fer yer?”
“Doctor Franck thought you would
help me with this man, as there are many patients
and few nurses or attendants. Have you had the
fever?”
“No, Ma’am.”
“They should have thought of
that when they put him here; wounds and fevers should
not be together. I’ll try to get you moved.”
He laughed a sudden laugh, if
he had been a white man, I should have called it scornful;
as he was a few shades darker than myself, I suppose
it must be considered an insolent, or at least an unmannerly
one.
“It don’t matter, Ma’am.
I’d rather be up here with the fever than down
with those niggers; and there ain’t no other
place fer me.”
Poor fellow! that was true.
No ward in all the hospital would take him in to lie
side by side with the most miserable white wreck there.
Like the bat in Aesop’s fable, he belonged
to neither race; and the pride of one, the helplessness
of the other, kept him hovering alone in the twilight
a great sin has brought to overshadow the whole land.
“You shall stay, then; for I
would far rather have you than any lazy Jack.
But are you well and strong enough?”
“I guess I’ll do, Ma’am.”
He spoke with a passive sort of acquiescence, as
if it did not much matter, if he were not able, and
no one would particularly rejoice, if he were.
“Yes, I think you will. By what name shall
I call you?”
“Bob, Ma’am.”
Every woman has her pet whim; one
of mine was to teach the men self-respect by treating
them respectfully. Tom, Dick, and Harry would
pass, when lads rejoiced in those familiar abbreviations;
but to address men often old enough to be my father
in that style did not suit my old-fashioned ideas
of propriety. This “Bob” would never
do; I should have found it as easy to call the chaplain
“Gus” as my tragical-looking contraband
by a title so strongly associated with the tail of
a kite.
“What is your other name?”
I asked. “I like to call my attendants by
their last names rather than by their first.”
“I’ve got no other, Ma’am;
we have our masters’ names, or do without.
Mine’s dead, and I won’t have anything
of his about me.”
“Well, I’ll call you Robert,
then, and you may fill this pitcher for me, if you
will be so kind.”
He went; but, through all the tame,
obedience years of servitude had taught him, I could
see that the proud spirit his father gave him was
not yet subdued, for the look and gesture with which
he repudiated his master’s name were a more
effective declaration of independence than any Fourth-of-July
orator could have prepared.
We spent a curious week together.
Robert seldom left his room, except upon my errands;
and I was a prisoner all day, often all night, by the
bedside of the Rebel. The fever burned itself
rapidly away, for there seemed little vitality to
feed it in the feeble frame of this old young man,
whose life had been none of the most righteous, judging
from the revelations made by his unconscious lips;
since more than once Robert authoritatively silenced
him, when my gentler bushings were of no avail, and
blasphemous wanderings or ribald camp-songs made my
cheeks burn and Robert’s face assume an aspect
of disgust. The captain was a gentleman in the
world’s eye, but the contraband was the gentleman
in mine; I was a fanatic, and that accounts
for such depravity of taste, I hope. I never
asked Robert of himself, feeling that somewhere there
was a spot still too sore to bear the lightest touch;
but, from his language, manner, and intelligence,
I inferred that his color had procured for him the
few advantages within the reach of a quick-witted,
kindly treated slave. Silent, grave, and thoughtful,
but most serviceable, was my contraband; glad of the
books I brought him, faithful in the performance of
the duties I assigned to him, grateful for the friendliness
I could not but feel and show toward him. Often
I longed to ask what purpose was so visibly altering
his aspect with such daily deepening gloom.
But I never dared, and no one else had either time
or desire to pry into the past of this specimen of
one branch of the chivalrous “F.F.Vs.”
On the seventh night, Dr. Franck suggested
that it would be well for some one, besides the general
watchman of the ward, to be with the captain, as it
might be his last. Although the greater part
of the two preceding nights had been spent there,
of course I offered to remain, for there
is a strange fascination in these scenes, which renders
one careless of fatigue and unconscious of fear until
the crisis is passed.
“Give him water as long as he
can drink, and if he drops into a natural sleep, it
may save him. I’ll look in at midnight,
when some change will probably take place. Nothing
but sleep or a miracle will keep him now. Good
night.”
Away went the Doctor; and, devouring a whole mouthful of grapes, I lowered
the lamp, wet the captains head, and sat down on a hard stool to begin my
watch. The captain lay with his hot, haggard face turned toward me,
filling the air with his poisonous breath, and feebly muttering, with lips and
tongue so parched that the sanest speech would have been difficult to
understand. Robert was stretched on his bed in the inner room, the door of
which stood ajar, that a fresh draught from his open window might carry the
fever-fumes away through mine. I could just see a long, dark figure, with
the lighter outline of a face, and, having little else to do just then, I fell
to thinking of this curious contraband, who evidently prized his freedom highly,
yet seemed in no haste to enjoy it. Doctor Franck had offered to send him
on to safer quarters, but he had said, No, thank yer, Sir, not yet, and then
had gone away to fall into one of those black moods of his, which began to
disturb me, because I had no power to lighten them. As I sat listening to
the clocks from the steeples all about us, I amused myself with planning
Roberts future, as I often did my own, and had dealt out to him a generous hand
of trumps wherewith to play this game of life which hitherto had gone so cruelly
against him, when a harsh, choked voice called,
“Lucy!”
It was the captain, and some new terror
seemed to have gifted him with momentary strength.
“Yes, here’s Lucy,”
I answered, hoping that by following the fancy I might
quiet him, for his face was damp with the clammy moisture, and his frame shaken
with the nervous tremor that so often precedes death. His dull eye fixed
upon me, dilating with a bewildered look of incredulity and wrath, till he broke
out fiercely.
“That’s a lie! she’s dead, and
so’s Bob, damn him!”
Finding speech a failure, I began
to sing the quiet tune that had often soothed delirium
like this; but hardly had the line,
“See gentle patience smile on pain,”
passed my lips, when he clutched me by the wrist, whispering like one in
mortal fear,
“Hush! she used to sing that
way to Bob, but she never would to me. I swore
I’d whip the Devil out of her, and I did; but
you know before she cut her throat she said she’d
haunt me, and there she is!”
He pointed behind me with an aspect
of such pale dismay, that I involuntarily glanced
over my shoulder and started as if I had seen a veritable
ghost; for, peering from the gloom of that inner room,
I saw a shadowy face, with dark hair all about it,
and a glimpse of scarlet at the throat. An instant
showed me that it was only Robert leaning from his
bed’s-foot, wrapped in a gray army-blanket, with
his red shirt just visible above it, and his long
hair disordered by sleep. But what a strange
expression was on his face! The unmarred side
was toward me, fixed and motionless as when I first
observed it, less absorbed now, but more
intent. His eye glittered, his lips were apart
like one who listened with every sense, and his whole
aspect reminded me of a hound to which some wind had
brought the scent of unsuspected prey.
“Do you know him, Robert? Does he mean
you?”
“Lord, no, Ma’am; they
all own half a dozen Bobs: but hearin’ my
name woke me; that’s all.”
He spoke quite naturally, and lay
down again, while I returned to my charge, thinking
that this paroxysm was probably his last. But
by another hour I perceived a hopeful change, for
the tremor had subsided, the cold dew was gone, his
breathing was more regular, and Sleep, the healer,
had descended to save or take him gently away.
Doctor Franck looked in at midnight, bade me keep
all cool and quiet, and not fail to administer a certain
draught as soon as the captain woke. Very much
relieved, I laid my head on my arms, uncomfortably
folded on the little table, and fancied I was about
to perform one of the feats which practice renders
possible, “sleeping with one eye open,”
as we say: a half-and-half doze, for all senses
sleep but that of hearing; the faintest murmur, sigh,
or motion will break it, and give one back one’s
wits much brightened by the permission to “stand
at ease.” On this night, the experiment
was a failure, for previous vigils, confinement, and
much care had rendered naps a dangerous indulgence,
Having roused half a dozen times in an hour to find
all quiet, I dropped my heavy head on my arms, and,
drowsily resolving to look up again in fifteen minutes,
fell fast asleep.
The striking of a deep-voiced clock
woke me with a start. “That is one,”
thought I, but, to my dismay, two more strokes followed;
and in remorseful haste I sprang up to see what harm
my long oblivion had done. A strong hand put
me back into my seat, and held me there. It
was Robert. The instant my eye met his my heart
began to beat, and all along my nerves tingled that
electric flash which foretells a danger that we cannot
see. He was very pale, his mouth grim, and both
eyes full of sombre fire, for even the wounded one was open now, all the more
sinister for the deep scar above and below. But his touch was steady, his
voice quiet, as he said,
“Sit still, Ma’am; I won’t
hurt yer, nor even scare yer, if I can help it, but
yer waked too soon.”
“Let me go, Robert, the
captain is stirring, I must give him something.”
“No, Ma’am, yer can’t stir an inch.
Look here!”
Holding me with one hand, with the
other he took up the glass in which I had left the
draught, and showed me it was empty.
“Has he taken it?” I asked, more and more
bewildered.
“I flung it out o’ winder, Ma’am;
he’ll have to do without.”
“But why, Robert? why did you do it?”
“Because I hate him!”
Impossible to doubt the truth of that; his whole face showed it, as he spoke
through his set teeth, and launched a fiery glance at the unconscious captain.
I could only hold my breath and stare blankly at him, wondering what mad act was
coming next. I suppose I shook and turned white, as women have a foolish
habit of doing when sudden danger daunts them; for Robert released my arm, sat
down upon the bedside just in front of me, and said, with the ominous quietude
that made me cold to see and hear,
“Don’t yer be frightened,
Ma’am: don’t try to run away, fer
the door’s locked an’ the key in my pocket;
don’t yer cry out, fer yer’d have
to scream a long while, with my hand on yer mouth,
before yer was heard. Be still, an’ I’ll
tell yer what I’m goin’ to do.”
Lord help us! he has taken the fever in some sudden, violent way, and is out
of his head. I must humor him till some one comes; in pursuance of which
swift determination, I tried to say, quite composedly,
“I will be still and hear you;
but open the window. Why did you shut it?”
“I’m sorry I can’t
do it, Ma’am; but yer’d jump out, or call,
if I did, an’ I’m not ready yet.
I shut it to make yer sleep, an’ heat would do
it quicker’n anything else I could do.”
The captain moved, and feebly muttered,
“Water!” Instinctively I rose to give
it to him, but the heavy hand came down upon my shoulder,
and in the same decided tone Robert said,-=
“The water went with the physic; let him call.”
“Do let me go to him! he’ll die without
care!”
“I mean he shall; don’t yer
interfere, if yer please, Ma’am.”
In spite of his quiet tone and respectful manner, I saw murder in his eyes,
and turned faint with fear; yet the fear excited me, and, hardly knowing what I
did, I seized the hands that had seized me, crying,
“No, no, you shall not kill
him! it is base to hurt a helpless man. Why do
you hate him? He is not your master?”
“He’s my brother.”
I felt that answer from head to foot,
and seemed to fathom what was coming, with a prescience
vague, but unmistakable. One appeal was left
to me, and I made it.
“Robert, tell me what it means?
Do not commit a crime and make me accessory to it There
is a better way of righting wrong than by violence; let
me help you find it.”
My voice trembled as I spoke, and
I heard the frightened flutter of my heart; so did
he, and if any little act of mine had ever won affection
or respect from him, the memory of it served me then.
He looked down, and seemed to put some question to
himself; whatever it was, the answer was in my favor,
for when his eyes rose again, they were gloomy, but
not desperate.
“I will tell you, Ma’am;
but mind, this makes no difference; the boy is mine.
I’ll give the Lord a chance to take him fust;
if He don’t, I shall.”
“Oh, no! remember, he is your brother.”
An unwise speech; I felt it as it
passed my lips, for a black frown gathered on Robert’s
face, and his strong hands closed with an ugly sort
of grip. But he did not touch the poor soul gasping
there before him, and seemed content to let the slow
suffocation of that stifling room end his frail life.
“I’m not like to forget
that, Ma’am, when I’ve been thinkin’
of it all this week. I knew him when they fetched
him in, an’ would ‘a’ done it long
’fore this, but I wanted to ask where Lucy was;
he knows, he told to-night, an’
now he’s done for.”
“Who is Lucy?” I asked
hurriedly, intent on keeping his mind busy with any
thought but murder.
With one of the swift transitions of a mixed temperament like this, at my
question Roberts deep eyes filled, the clenched hands were spread before his
face, and all I heard were the broken words,
“My wife, he took her
In that instant every thought of fear
was swallowed up in burning indignation for the wrong,
and a perfect passion of pity for the desperate man
so tempted to avenge an injury for which there seemed
no redress but this. He was no longer slave or
contraband, no drop of black blood marred him in my
sight, but an infinite compassion yearned to save,
to help, to comfort him. Words seemed so powerless
I offered none, only put my hand on his poor head,
wounded, homeless, bowed down with grief for which
I had no cure, and softly smoothed the long neglected
hair, pitifully wondering the while where was the wife
who must have loved this tender-hearted man so well.
The captain moaned again, and faintly
whispered, “Air!” but I never stirred.
God forgive me! just then I hated him as only a woman
thinking of a sister woman’s wrong could hate.
Robert looked up; his eyes were dry again, his mouth
grim. I saw that, said, “Tell me more,”
and he did, for sympathy is a gift the poorest
may give, the proudest stoop to receive.
“Yer see, Ma’am, his father, I
might say ours, if I warn’t ashamed of both
of ’em, his father died two years
ago, an’ left us all to Marster Ned, that’s
him here, eighteen then. He always hated me,
I looked so like old Marster: he don’t only
the light skin an’ hair. Old Marster was
kind to all of us, me ‘specially, an’ bought
Lucy off the next plantation down there in South Car’lina,
when he found I liked her. I married her, all
I could, Ma’am; it warn’t much, but we
was true to one another till Marster Ned come home
a year after an’ made hell fer both of
us. He sent my old mother to be used up in his
rice swamp in Georgy; he found me with my pretty Lucy,
an’ though young Miss cried, an’ I prayed
to him on my knees, an’ Lucy run away, he wouldn’t
have no mercy; he brought her back, an’ took
her, Ma’am.”
“Oh! what did you do?”
I cried, hot with helpless pain and passion.
How the mans outraged heart sent the blood flaming up into his face and
deepened the tones of his impetuous voice, as he stretched his arm across the
bed, saying, with a terribly expressive gesture,
“I half murdered him, an’ to-night I’ll
finish.”
“Yes, yes, but go on now; what came
next?”
He gave me a look that showed no white
man could have felt a deeper degradation in remembering
and confessing these last acts of brotherly oppression.
“They whipped me till I couldn’t
stand, an’ then they sold me further South.
Yer thought I was a white man once; look
here!”
With a sudden wrench he tore the shirt from neck to waist, and on his strong
brown shoulders showed me furrows deeply ploughed, wounds which, though healed,
were ghastlier to me than any in that house. I could not speak to him,
and, with the pathetic dignity a great grief lends the humblest sufferer, he
ended his brief tragedy by simply saying,
“That’s all. Ma’am.
I’ve never seen her since, an’ now I never
shall in this world, maybe not in t’
other.”
“But, Robert, why think her
dead? The captain was wandering when he said
those sad things; perhaps he will retract them when
he is sane. Don’t despair; don’t
give up yet.”
“No, Ma’am, I guess he’s
right; she was too proud to bear that long. It’s
like her to kill herself. I told her to, if there
was no other way; an’ she always minded me,
Lucy did. My poor girl! Oh, it warn’t
right! No, by God, it warn’t!”
As the memory of this bitter wrong, this double bereavement, burned in his
sore heart, the devil that lurks in every strong mans blood leaped up; he put
his hand upon his brothers throat, and, watching the white face before him,
muttered low between his teeth,
“I’m lettin’ him
go too easy; there’s no pain in this; we a’n’t
even yet. I wish he knew me. Marster Ned!
it’s Bob; where’s Lucy?”
From the captain’s lips there
came a long faint sigh, and nothing but a flutter
of the eyelids showed that he still lived. A
strange stillness filled the room as the elder brother
held the younger’s life suspended in his hand,
while wavering between a dim hope and a deadly hate.
In the whirl of thoughts that went on in my brain,
only one was clear enough to act upon. I must
prevent murder, if I could, but how?
What could I do up there alone, locked in with a
dying man and a lunatic? for any mind yielded
utterly to any unrighteous impulse is mad while the
impulse rules it. Strength I had not, nor much
courage, neither time nor wit for stratagem, and chance
only could bring me help before it was too late.
But one weapon I possessed, a tongue, often
a woman’s best defence: and sympathy, stronger
than fear, gave me power to use it. What I said
Heaven only knows, but surely Heaven helped me; words
burned on my lips, tears streamed from my eyes, and
some good angel prompted me to use the one name that
had power to arrest my hearer’s hand and touch
his heart. For at that moment I heartily believed
that Lucy lived, and this earnest faith roused in him
a like belief.
He listened with the lowering look
of one in whom brute instinct was sovereign for the
time, a look that makes the noblest countenance
base. He was but a man, a poor, untaught,
outcast, outraged man. Life had few joys for
him; the world offered him no honors, no success, no
home, no love. What future would this crime mar?
and why should he deny himself that sweet, yet bitter
morsel called revenge? How many white men, with
all New England’s freedom, culture, Christianity,
would not have felt as he felt then? Should I
have reproached him for a human anguish, a human longing
for redress, all now left him from the ruin of his
few poor hopes? Who had taught him that self-control,
self-sacrifice, are attributes that make men masters
of the earth and lift them nearer heaven? Should
I have urged the beauty of forgiveness, the duty of
devout submission? He had no religion, for he
was no saintly “Uncle Tom,” and Slavery’s
black shadow seemed to darken all the world to him
and shut out God. Should I have warned him of
penalties, of judgments, and the potency of law?
What did he know of justice, or the mercy that should
temper that stern virtue, when every law, human and
divine, had been broken on his hearthstone? Should
I have tried to touch him by appeals to filial duty,
to brotherly love? How had his appeals been answered?
What memories had father and brother stored up in
his heart to plead for either now? No, all these influences, these
associations, would have proved worse than useless, had I been calm enough to
try them. I was not; but instinct, subtler than reason, showed me the one
safe clue by which to lead this troubled soul from the labyrinth in which it
groped and nearly fell. When I paused, breathless, Robert turned to me,
asking, as if human assurances could strengthen his faith in Divine Omnipotence,
“Do you believe, if I let Marster
Ned live, the Lord will give me back my Lucy?”
“As surely as there is a Lord,
you will find her here or in the beautiful hereafter,
where there is no black or white, no master and no
slave.”
He took his hand from his brother’s
throat, lifted his eyes from my face to the wintry
sky beyond, as if searching for that blessed country,
happier even than the happy North. Alas, it was
the darkest hour before the dawn! there was no star above, no light below but
the pale glimmer of the lamp that showed the brother who had made him desolate.
Like a blind man who believes there is a sun, yet cannot see it, he shook his
head, let his arms drop nervously upon his knees, and sat there dumbly asking
that question which many a soul whose faith is firmer fixed than his has asked
in hours less dark than this,
“Where is God?” I saw
the tide had turned, and strenuously tried to keep
this rudderless lifeboat from slipping back into the
whirlpool wherein it had been so nearly lost.
“I have listened to you, Robert;
now hear me, and heed what I say, because my heart
is full of pity for you, full of hope for your future,
and a desire to help you now. I want you to go
away from here, from the temptation of this place,
and the sad thoughts that haunt it. You have
conquered yourself once, and I honor you for it, because,
the harder the battle, the more glorious the victory;
but it is safer to put a greater distance between
you and this man. I will write you letters,
give you money, and send you to good old Massachusetts
to begin your new life a freeman, yes,
and a happy man; for when the captain is himself again,
I will learn where Lucy is, and move heaven and earth
to find and give her back to you. Will you do
this, Robert?”
Slowly, very slowly, the answer came;
for the purpose of a week, perhaps a year, was hard
to relinquish in an hour.
“Yes, Ma’am, I will.”
“Good! Now you are the
man I thought you, and I’ll work for you with
all my heart. You need sleep, my poor fellow;
go, and try to forget. The captain is still alive,
and as yet you are spared the sin. No, don’t
look there; I’ll care for him. Come, Robert,
for Lucy’s sake.”
Thank Heaven for the immortality of
love! for when all other means of salvation failed,
a spark of this vital fire softened the man’s
iron will until a woman’s hand could bend it.
He let me take from him the key, let me draw him
gently away and lead him to the solitude which now
was the most healing balm I could bestow. Once
in his little room, he fell down on his bed and lay
there as if spent with the sharpest conflict of his
life. I slipped the bolt across his door, and
unlocked my own, flung up the window, steadied myself
with a breath of air, then rushed to Doctor Franck.
He came; and till dawn we worked together, saving
one brother’s life, and taking earnest thought
how best to secure the other’s liberty.
When the sun came up as blithely as if it shone only
upon happy homes, the Doctor went to Robert.
For an hour I heard the murmur of their voices; once
I caught the sound of heavy sobs, and for a time a
reverent hush, as if in the silence that good man
were ministering to soul as well as sense. When
he departed he took Robert with him, pausing to tell
me he should get him off as soon as possible, but
not before we met again.
Nothing more was seen of them all
day; another surgeon came to see the captain, and
another attendant came to fill the empty place.
I tried to rest, but could not, with the thought
of poor Lucy tugging at my heart, and was soon back
at my post again, anxiously hoping that my contraband
had not been too hastily spirited away. Just as
night fell there came a tap, and opening, I saw Robert
literally “clothed and in his right mind.”
The Doctor had replaced the ragged suit with tidy
garments, and no trace of that tempestuous night remained
but deeper lines upon the forehead, and the docile
look of a repentant child. He did not cross
the threshold, did not offer me his hand, only took off his cap, saying, with a
traitorous falter in his voice,
“God bless you, Ma’am! I’m
goin’.”
I put out both my hands, and held his fast.
“Good-bye, Robert! Keep
up good heart, and when I come home to Massachusetts
we’ll meet in a happier place than this.
Are you quite ready, quite comfortable for your journey?
“Yes, Ma’am, Yes; the
Doctor’s fixed everything; I’m goin’
with a friend of his; my papers are all right, an’
I’m as happy as I can be till I find,
He stopped there; then went on, with a glance into the room,
“I’m glad I didn’t
do it, an’ I thank yer, Ma’am, fer
hinderin’ me, thank yer hearty; but
I’m afraid I hate him jest the same.”
Of course he did; and so did I; for these faulty hearts of ours cannot turn
perfect in a night, but need frost and fire, wind and rain, to ripen and make
them ready for the great harvest-home. Wishing to divert his mind, I put
my poor mite into his hand, and, remembering the magic of a certain little book,
I gave him mine, on whose dark cover whitely shone the Virgin Mother and the
Child, the grand history of whose life the book contained. The money went
into Roberts pocket with a grateful murmur, the book into his bosom with a long
took and a tremulous
“I never saw my baby, Ma’am.”
I broke down then; and though my eyes
were too dim to see, I felt the touch of lips upon
my hands, heard the sound of departing feet, and knew
my contraband was gone.
When one feels an intense dislike,
the less one says about the subject of it the better;
therefore I shall merely record that the captain lived, in time was exchanged;
and that, whoever the other party was, I am convinced the Government got the
best of the bargain. But long before this occurred, I had fulfilled my
promise to Robert; for as soon as my patient recovered strength of memory enough
to make his answer trustworthy, I asked, without any circumlocution,
“Captain Fairfax, where is Lucy?”
And too feeble to be angry, surprised, or insincere, he straightway answered,
“Dead, Miss Dane.”
“And she killed herself, when you sold Bob?”
“How the Devil did you know
that?” he muttered, with an expression half-remorseful,
half-amazed; but I was satisfied, and said no more.
Of course, this went to Robert, waiting
far away there in a lonely home, waiting,
working, hoping for his Lucy. It almost broke
my heart to do it; but delay was weak, deceit was
wicked; so I sent the heavy tidings, and very soon
the answer came, only three lines; but I
felt that the sustaining power of the man’s
life was gone.
“I thought I’d never see
her any more; I’m glad to know she’s out
of trouble. I thank yer, Ma’am; an’
if they let us, I’ll fight fer yer till
I’m killed, which I hope will be ’fore
long.”
Six months later he had his wish, and kept his word.
Every one knows the story of the attack
on Fort Wagner; but we should not tire yet of recalling
how our Fifty-Fourth, spent with three sleepless nights,
a day’s fast, and a march under the July sun,
stormed the fort as night fell, facing death in many
shapes, following their brave leaders through a fiery
rain of shot and shell, fighting valiantly for God
and Governor Andrew, how the regiment that
went into action seven hundred strong came out having
had nearly half its number captured, killed, or wounded,
leaving their young commander to be buried, like a
chief of earlier times, with his body-guard around
him, faithful to the death. Surely, the insult
turns to honor, and the wide grave needs no monument
but the heroism that consecrates it in our sight;
surely, the hearts that held him nearest see through
their tears a noble victory in the seeming sad defeat;
and surely, God’s benediction was bestowed,
when this loyal soul answered, as Death called the
roll, “Lord, here I am, with the brothers Thou
hast given me!”
The future must show how well that
fight was fought; for though Fort Wagner still defies
us, public prejudice is down; and through the cannon
smoke of that black night the manhood of the colored
race shines before many eyes that would not see, rings
in many ears that would not hear, wins many hearts
that would not hitherto believe.
When the news came that we were needed,
there was none so glad as I to leave teaching contrabands,
the new work I had taken up, and go to nurse “our
boys,” as my dusky flock so proudly called the
wounded of the Fifty-Fourth. Feeling more satisfaction,
as I assumed my big apron and turned up my cuffs,
than if dressing for the President’s levee, I
fell to work on board the hospital-ship in Hilton-Head
harbor. The scene was most familiar, and yet
strange; for only dark faces looked up at me from
the pallets so thickly laid along the floor, and I
missed the sharp accent of my Yankee boys in the slower,
softer voices calling cheerily to one another, or
answering my questions with a stout, “We’ll
never give it up, Ma’am, till the last Reb’s
dead,” or, “If our people’s free,
we can afford to die.”
Passing from bed to bed, intent on making one pair of hands do the work of
three, at least, I gradually washed, fed, and bandaged my way down the long line
of sable heroes, and coming to the very last, found that he was my contraband.
So old, so worn, so deathly weak and wan, I never should have known him but for
the deep scar on his cheek. That side lay uppermost, and caught my eye at
once; but even then I doubted, such an awful change had come upon him, when,
turning to the ticket just above his head, I saw the name, Robert Dane.
That both assured and touched me, for, remembering that he had no name, I knew
that he had taken mine. I longed for him to speak to me, to tell how he
had fared since I lost sight of him, and let me perform some little service for
him in return for many he had done for me; but he seemed asleep; and as I stood
re-living that strange night again, a bright lad, who lay next him softly waving
an old fan across both beds, looked up and said,
“I guess you know him, Ma’am?”
“You are right. Do you?”
“As much as any one was able to, Ma’am.”
“Why do you say ‘was,’ as if the
man were dead and gone?”
“I s’pose because I know
he’ll have to go. He’s got a bad jab
in the breast, an’ is bleedin’ inside,
the Doctor says. He don’t suffer any, only
gets weaker ‘n’ weaker every minute.
I’ve been fannin’ him this long while,
an’ he’s talked a little; but he don’t
know me now, so he’s most gone, I guess.”
There was so much sorrow and affection in the boys face, that I remembered
something, and asked, with redoubled interest,
“Are you the one that brought
him off? I was told about a boy who nearly lost
his life in saving that of his mate.”
I dare say the young fellow blushed,
as any modest lad might have done; I could not see
it, but I heard the chuckle of satisfaction that escaped
him, as he glanced from his shattered arm and bandaged
side to the pale figure opposite.
“Lord, Ma’am, that’s
nothin’; we boys always stan’ by one another,
an’ I warn’t goin’ to leave him
to be tormented any more by them cussed Rebs.
He’s been a slave once, though he don’t
look half so much like it as me, an’ was born
in Boston.”
He did not; for the speaker was as
black as the ace of spades, being a sturdy
specimen, the knave of clubs would perhaps be a fitter
representative, but the dark freeman looked
at the white slave with the pitiful, yet puzzled expression
I have so often seen on the faces of our wisest men,
when this tangled question of Slavery presents itself,
asking to be cut or patiently undone.
“Tell me what you know of this
man; for, even if he were awake, he is too weak to
talk.”
“I never saw him till I joined
the regiment, an’ no one ’peared to have
got much out of him. He was a shut-up sort of
feller, an’ didn’t seem to care for anything
but gettin’ at the Rebs. Some say he was
the fust man of us that enlisted; I know he fretted
till we were off, an’ when we pitched into old
Wagner, he fought like the Devil.”
“Were you with him when he was wounded?
How was it?”
“Yes, Ma’am. There
was somethin’ queer about it; for he ’peared
to know the chap that killed him, an’ the chap
knew him. I don’t dare to ask, but I rather
guess one owned the other some time, for,
when they clinched, the chap sung out, ‘Bob!’
an’ Dane, ’Marster Ned! then they went
at it.”
I sat down suddenly, for the old anger
and compassion struggled in my heart, and I both longed
and feared to hear what was to follow.
“You see, when the Colonel Lord
keep an’ send him back to us! it
a’n’t certain yet, you know, Ma’am,
though it’s two days ago we lost him well,
when the Colonel shouted, ‘Rush on, boys, rush
on!’ Dane tore away as if he was goin’
to take the fort alone; I was next him, an’
kept close as we went through the ditch an’ up
the wall. Hi! warn’t that a rusher!”
and the boy flung up his well arm with a whoop, as
if the mere memory of that stirring moment came over
him in a gust of irrepressible excitement.
“Were you afraid?” I said, asking
the question women often put, and receiving the answer
they seldom fail to get.
“No, Ma’am!” emphasis
on the “Ma’am,” “I
never thought of anything but the damn Rebs, that
scalp, slash, an’ cut our ears off, when they
git us. I was bound to let daylight into one
of ’em at least, an’ I did. Hope
he liked it!”
“It is evident that you did,
and I don’t blame you in the least. Now
go on about Robert, for I should be at work.”
“He was one of the fust up;
I was just behind, an’ though the whole thing
happened in a minute. I remember how it was, for
all I was yellin’ an’ knockin’ round
like mad. Just where we were, some sort of an
officer was wavin’ his sword an’ cheerin’
on his men; Dane saw him by a big flash that come
by; he flung away his gun, give a leap, an’
went at that feller as if he was Jeff, Beauregard,
an’ Lee, all in one. I scrabbled after
as quick as I could, but was only up in time to see
him git the sword straight through him an’ drop
into the ditch. You needn’t ask what I
did next, Ma’am, for I don’t quite know
myself; all I ’m clear about is, that I managed
somehow to pitch that Reb into the fort as dead as
Moses, git hold of Dane, an’ bring him off.
Poor old feller! we said we went in to live or die;
he said he went in to die, an’ he ’s done
it.”
I had been intently watching the excited
speaker; but as he regretfully added those last words
I turned again, and Robert’s eyes met mine, those melancholy eyes, so full
of an intelligence that proved he had heard, remembered, and reflected with that
preternatural power which often outlives all other faculties. He knew me,
yet gave no greeting; was glad to see a womans face, yet had no smile wherewith
to welcome it; felt that he was dying, yet uttered no farewell. He was too
far across the river to return or linger now; departing thought, strength,
breath, were spent in one grateful look, one murmur of submission to the last
pang he could ever feel. His lips moved, and, bending to them, a whisper
chilled my cheek, as it shaped the broken words,
“I would have done it, but
it ’s better so, I’m satisfied.”
Ah! well he might be, for,
as he turned his face from the shadow of the life
that was, the sunshine of the life to be touched it
with a beautiful content, and in the drawing of a
breath my contraband found wife and home, eternal
liberty and God.