Though very happy in the social atmosphere
about her, and very busy with the daily work that
earned her bread and made it sweeter for the effort,
Jo still found time for literary labors. The
purpose which now took possession of her was a natural
one to a poor and ambitious girl, but the means she
took to gain her end were not the best. She saw
that money conferred power, money and power, therefore,
she resolved to have, not to be used for herself alone,
but for those whom she loved more than life.
The dream of filling home with comforts, giving Beth
everything she wanted, from strawberries in winter
to an organ in her bedroom, going abroad herself,
and always having more than enough, so that she might
indulge in the luxury of charity, had been for years
Jo’s most cherished castle in the air.
The prize-story experience had seemed
to open a way which might, after long traveling and
much uphill work, lead to this delightful chateau en
Espagne. But the novel disaster quenched her
courage for a time, for public opinion is a giant
which has frightened stouter-hearted Jacks on bigger
beanstalks than hers. Like that immortal hero,
she reposed awhile after the first attempt, which
resulted in a tumble and the least lovely of the giant’s
treasures, if I remember rightly. But the ‘up
again and take another’ spirit was as strong
in Jo as in Jack, so she scrambled up on the shady
side this time and got more booty, but nearly left
behind her what was far more precious than the moneybags.
She took to writing sensation stories,
for in those dark ages, even all-perfect America read
rubbish. She told no one, but concocted a ‘thrilling
tale’, and boldly carried it herself to Mr. Dashwood,
editor of the Weekly Volcano. She had never
read Sartor Resartus, but she had a womanly instinct
that clothes possess an influence more powerful over
many than the worth of character or the magic of manners.
So she dressed herself in her best, and trying to
persuade herself that she was neither excited nor
nervous, bravely climbed two pairs of dark and dirty
stairs to find herself in a disorderly room, a cloud
of cigar smoke, and the presence of three gentlemen,
sitting with their heels rather higher than their
hats, which articles of dress none of them took the
trouble to remove on her appearance. Somewhat
daunted by this reception, Jo hesitated on the threshold,
murmuring in much embarrassment...
“Excuse me, I was looking for
the Weekly Volcano office. I wished to see Mr.
Dashwood.”
Down went the highest pair of heels,
up rose the smokiest gentleman, and carefully cherishing
his cigar between his fingers, he advanced with a
nod and a countenance expressive of nothing but sleep.
Feeling that she must get through the matter somehow,
Jo produced her manuscript and, blushing redder and
redder with each sentence, blundered out fragments
of the little speech carefully prepared for the occasion.
“A friend of mine desired me
to offer a story just as an
experiment would like your opinion be
glad to write more if this suits.”
While she blushed and blundered, Mr.
Dashwood had taken the manuscript, and was turning
over the leaves with a pair of rather dirty fingers,
and casting critical glances up and down the neat pages.
“Not a first attempt, I take
it?” observing that the pages were numbered,
covered only on one side, and not tied up with a ribbon sure
sign of a novice.
“No, sir. She has had
some experience, and got a prize for a tale in the
Blarneystone Banner.”
“Oh, did she?” and Mr.
Dashwood gave Jo a quick look, which seemed to take
note of everything she had on, from the bow in her
bonnet to the buttons on her boots. “Well,
you can leave it, if you like. We’ve more
of this sort of thing on hand than we know what to
do with at present, but I’ll run my eye over
it, and give you an answer next week.”
Now, Jo did not like to leave
it, for Mr. Dashwood didn’t suit her at all,
but, under the circumstances, there was nothing for
her to do but bow and walk away, looking particularly
tall and dignified, as she was apt to do when nettled
or abashed. Just then she was both, for it was
perfectly evident from the knowing glances exchanged
among the gentlemen that her little fiction of ‘my
friend’ was considered a good joke, and a laugh,
produced by some inaudible remark of the editor, as
he closed the door, completed her discomfiture.
Half resolving never to return, she went home, and
worked off her irritation by stitching pinafores vigorously,
and in an hour or two was cool enough to laugh over
the scene and long for next week.
When she went again, Mr. Dashwood
was alone, whereat she rejoiced. Mr. Dashwood
was much wider awake than before, which was agreeable,
and Mr. Dashwood was not too deeply absorbed in a
cigar to remember his manners, so the second interview
was much more comfortable than the first.
“We’ll take this (editors
never say I), if you don’t object to a few alterations.
It’s too long, but omitting the passages I’ve
marked will make it just the right length,”
he said, in a businesslike tone.
Jo hardly knew her own MS. again,
so crumpled and underscored were its pages and paragraphs,
but feeling as a tender parent might on being asked
to cut off her baby’s legs in order that it might
fit into a new cradle, she looked at the marked passages
and was surprised to find that all the moral reflections which
she had carefully put in as ballast for much romance had
been stricken out.
“But, Sir, I thought every story
should have some sort of a moral, so I took care to
have a few of my sinners repent.”
Mr. Dashwoods’s editorial gravity
relaxed into a smile, for Jo had forgotten her ‘friend’,
and spoken as only an author could.
“People want to be amused, not
preached at, you know. Morals don’t sell
nowadays.” Which was not quite a correct
statement, by the way.
“You think it would do with these alterations,
then?”
“Yes, it’s a new plot,
and pretty well worked up language good,
and so on,” was Mr. Dashwood’s affable
reply.
“What do you that
is, what compensation ” began Jo,
not exactly knowing how to express herself.
“Oh, yes, well, we give from
twenty-five to thirty for things of this sort.
Pay when it comes out,” returned Mr. Dashwood,
as if that point had escaped him. Such trifles
do escape the editorial mind, it is said.
“Very well, you can have it,”
said Jo, handing back the story with a satisfied air,
for after the dollar-a-column work, even twenty-five
seemed good pay.
“Shall I tell my friend you
will take another if she has one better than this?”
asked Jo, unconscious of her little slip of the tongue,
and emboldened by her success.
“Well, we’ll look at it.
Can’t promise to take it. Tell her to
make it short and spicy, and never mind the moral.
What name would your friend like to put on it?”
in a careless tone.
“None at all, if you please,
she doesn’t wish her name to appear and has
no nom de plume,” said Jo, blushing
in spite of herself.
“Just as she likes, of course.
The tale will be out next week. Will you call
for the money, or shall I send it?” asked Mr.
Dashwood, who felt a natural desire to know who his
new contributor might be.
“I’ll call. Good morning, Sir.”
As she departed, Mr. Dashwood put
up his feet, with the graceful remark, “Poor
and proud, as usual, but she’ll do.”
Following Mr. Dashwood’s directions,
and making Mrs. Northbury her model, Jo rashly took
a plunge into the frothy sea of sensational literature,
but thanks to the life preserver thrown her by a friend,
she came up again not much the worse for her ducking.
Like most young scribblers, she went
abroad for her characters and scenery, and banditti,
counts, gypsies, nuns, and duchesses appeared upon
her stage, and played their parts with as much accuracy
and spirit as could be expected. Her readers
were not particular about such trifles as grammar,
punctuation, and probability, and Mr. Dashwood graciously
permitted her to fill his columns at the lowest prices,
not thinking it necessary to tell her that the real
cause of his hospitality was the fact that one of
his hacks, on being offered higher wages, had basely
left him in the lurch.
She soon became interested in her
work, for her emaciated purse grew stout, and the
little hoard she was making to take Beth to the mountains
next summer grew slowly but surely as the weeks passed.
One thing disturbed her satisfaction, and that was
that she did not tell them at home. She had
a feeling that Father and Mother would not approve,
and preferred to have her own way first, and beg pardon
afterward. It was easy to keep her secret, for
no name appeared with her stories. Mr. Dashwood
had of course found it out very soon, but promised
to be dumb, and for a wonder kept his word.
She thought it would do her no harm,
for she sincerely meant to write nothing of which
she would be ashamed, and quieted all pricks of conscience
by anticipations of the happy minute when she should
show her earnings and laugh over her well-kept secret.
But Mr. Dashwood rejected any but
thrilling tales, and as thrills could not be produced
except by harrowing up the souls of the readers, history
and romance, land and sea, science and art, police
records and lunatic asylums, had to be ransacked for
the purpose. Jo soon found that her innocent
experience had given her but few glimpses of the tragic
world which underlies society, so regarding it in a
business light, she set about supplying her deficiencies
with characteristic energy. Eager to find material
for stories, and bent on making them original in plot,
if not masterly in execution, she searched newspapers
for accidents, incidents, and crimes. She excited
the suspicions of public librarians by asking for
works on poisons. She studied faces in the street,
and characters, good, bad, and indifferent, all about
her. She delved in the dust of ancient times
for facts or fictions so old that they were as good
as new, and introduced herself to folly, sin, and
misery, as well as her limited opportunities allowed.
She thought she was prospering finely, but unconsciously
she was beginning to desecrate some of the womanliest
attributes of a woman’s character. She
was living in bad society, and imaginary though it
was, its influence affected her, for she was feeding
heart and fancy on dangerous and unsubstantial food,
and was fast brushing the innocent bloom from her
nature by a premature acquaintance with the darker
side of life, which comes soon enough to all of us.
She was beginning to feel rather than
see this, for much describing of other people’s
passions and feelings set her to studying and speculating
about her own, a morbid amusement in which healthy
young minds do not voluntarily indulge. Wrongdoing
always brings its own punishment, and when Jo most
needed hers, she got it.
I don’t know whether the study
of Shakespeare helped her to read character, or the
natural instinct of a woman for what was honest, brave,
and strong, but while endowing her imaginary heroes
with every perfection under the sun, Jo was discovering
a live hero, who interested her in spite of many human
imperfections. Mr. Bhaer, in one of their conversations,
had advised her to study simple, true, and lovely
characters, wherever she found them, as good training
for a writer. Jo took him at his word, for she
coolly turned round and studied him a proceeding
which would have much surprised him, had he known
it, for the worthy Professor was very humble in his
own conceit.
Why everybody liked him was what puzzled
Jo, at first. He was neither rich nor great,
young nor handsome, in no respect what is called fascinating,
imposing, or brilliant, and yet he was as attractive
as a genial fire, and people seemed to gather about
him as naturally as about a warm hearth. He
was poor, yet always appeared to be giving something
away; a stranger, yet everyone was his friend; no longer
young, but as happy-hearted as a boy; plain and peculiar,
yet his face looked beautiful to many, and his oddities
were freely forgiven for his sake. Jo often
watched him, trying to discover the charm, and at last
decided that it was benevolence which worked the miracle.
If he had any sorrow, ‘it sat with its head
under its wing’, and he turned only his sunny
side to the world. There were lines upon his
forehead, but Time seemed to have touched him gently,
remembering how kind he was to others. The pleasant
curves about his mouth were the memorials of many
friendly words and cheery laughs, his eyes were never
cold or hard, and his big hand had a warm, strong
grasp that was more expressive than words.
His very clothes seemed to partake
of the hospitable nature of the wearer. They
looked as if they were at ease, and liked to make him
comfortable. His capacious waistcoat was suggestive
of a large heart underneath. His rusty coat
had a social air, and the baggy pockets plainly proved
that little hands often went in empty and came out
full. His very boots were benevolent, and his
collars never stiff and raspy like other people’s.
“That’s it!” said
Jo to herself, when she at length discovered that
genuine good will toward one’s fellow men could
beautify and dignify even a stout German teacher,
who shoveled in his dinner, darned his own socks,
and was burdened with the name of Bhaer.
Jo valued goodness highly, but she
also possessed a most feminine respect for intellect,
and a little discovery which she made about the Professor
added much to her regard for him. He never spoke
of himself, and no one ever knew that in his native
city he had been a man much honored and esteemed for
learning and integrity, till a countryman came to
see him. He never spoke of himself, and in a conversation
with Miss Norton divulged the pleasing fact.
From her Jo learned it, and liked it all the better
because Mr. Bhaer had never told it. She felt
proud to know that he was an honored Professor in
Berlin, though only a poor language-master in America,
and his homely, hard-working life was much beautified
by the spice of romance which this discovery gave it.
Another and a better gift than intellect was shown
her in a most unexpected manner. Miss Norton
had the entree into most society, which Jo would have
had no chance of seeing but for her. The solitary
woman felt an interest in the ambitious girl, and
kindly conferred many favors of this sort both on
Jo and the Professor. She took them with her
one night to a select symposium, held in honor of several
celebrities.
Jo went prepared to bow down and adore
the mighty ones whom she had worshiped with youthful
enthusiasm afar off. But her reverence for genius
received a severe shock that night, and it took her
some time to recover from the discovery that the great
creatures were only men and women after all.
Imagine her dismay, on stealing a glance of timid
admiration at the poet whose lines suggested an ethereal
being fed on ‘spirit, fire, and dew’,
to behold him devouring his supper with an ardor which
flushed his intellectual countenance. Turning
as from a fallen idol, she made other discoveries
which rapidly dispelled her romantic illusions.
The great novelist vibrated between two decanters
with the regularity of a pendulum; the famous divine
flirted openly with one of the Madame de Staels of
the age, who looked daggers at another Corinne, who
was amiably satirizing her, after outmaneuvering her
in efforts to absorb the profound philosopher, who
imbibed tea Johnsonianly and appeared to slumber,
the loquacity of the lady rendering speech impossible.
The scientific celebrities, forgetting their mollusks
and glacial periods, gossiped about art, while devoting
themselves to oysters and ices with characteristic
energy; the young musician, who was charming the city
like a second Orpheus, talked horses; and the specimen
of the British nobility present happened to be the
most ordinary man of the party.
Before the evening was half over,
Jo felt so completely disillusioned, that she sat
down in a corner to recover herself. Mr. Bhaer
soon joined her, looking rather out of his element,
and presently several of the philosophers, each mounted
on his hobby, came ambling up to hold an intellectual
tournament in the recess. The conversations were
miles beyond Jo’s comprehension, but she enjoyed
it, though Kant and Hegel were unknown gods, the Subjective
and Objective unintelligible terms, and the only thing
‘evolved from her inner consciousness’
was a bad headache after it was all over. It
dawned upon her gradually that the world was being
picked to pieces, and put together on new and, according
to the talkers, on infinitely better principles than
before, that religion was in a fair way to be reasoned
into nothingness, and intellect was to be the only
God. Jo knew nothing about philosophy or metaphysics
of any sort, but a curious excitement, half pleasurable,
half painful, came over her as she listened with a
sense of being turned adrift into time and space,
like a young balloon out on a holiday.
She looked round to see how the Professor
liked it, and found him looking at her with the grimmest
expression she had ever seen him wear. He shook
his head and beckoned her to come away, but she was
fascinated just then by the freedom of Speculative
Philosophy, and kept her seat, trying to find out
what the wise gentlemen intended to rely upon after
they had annihilated all the old beliefs.
Now, Mr. Bhaer was a diffident man
and slow to offer his own opinions, not because they
were unsettled, but too sincere and earnest to be
lightly spoken. As he glanced from Jo to several
other young people, attracted by the brilliancy of
the philosophic pyrotechnics, he knit his brows and
longed to speak, fearing that some inflammable young
soul would be led astray by the rockets, to find when
the display was over that they had only an empty stick
or a scorched hand.
He bore it as long as he could, but
when he was appealed to for an opinion, he blazed
up with honest indignation and defended religion with
all the eloquence of truth an eloquence
which made his broken English musical and his plain
face beautiful. He had a hard fight, for the
wise men argued well, but he didn’t know when
he was beaten and stood to his colors like a man.
Somehow, as he talked, the world got right again
to Jo. The old beliefs, that had lasted so long,
seemed better than the new. God was not a blind
force, and immortality was not a pretty fable, but
a blessed fact. She felt as if she had solid
ground under her feet again, and when Mr. Bhaer paused,
outtalked but not one whit convinced, Jo wanted to
clap her hands and thank him.
She did neither, but she remembered
the scene, and gave the Professor her heartiest respect,
for she knew it cost him an effort to speak out then
and there, because his conscience would not let him
be silent. She began to see that character is
a better possession than money, rank, intellect, or
beauty, and to feel that if greatness is what a wise
man has defined it to be, ‘truth, reverence,
and good will’, then her friend Friedrich Bhaer
was not only good, but great.
This belief strengthened daily.
She valued his esteem, she coveted his respect, she
wanted to be worthy of his friendship, and just when
the wish was sincerest, she came near to losing everything.
It all grew out of a cocked hat, for one evening
the Professor came in to give Jo her lesson with a
paper soldier cap on his head, which Tina had put
there and he had forgotten to take off.
“It’s evident he doesn’t
look in his glass before coming down,” thought
Jo, with a smile, as he said “Goot efening,”
and sat soberly down, quite unconscious of the ludicrous
contrast between his subject and his headgear, for
he was going to read her the Death of Wallenstein.
She said nothing at first, for she
liked to hear him laugh out his big, hearty laugh
when anything funny happened, so she left him to discover
it for himself, and presently forgot all about it,
for to hear a German read Schiller is rather an absorbing
occupation. After the reading came the lesson,
which was a lively one, for Jo was in a gay mood that
night, and the cocked hat kept her eyes dancing with
merriment. The Professor didn’t know what
to make of her, and stopped at last to ask with an
air of mild surprise that was irresistible. . .
“Mees Marsch, for what do you
laugh in your master’s face? Haf you no
respect for me, that you go on so bad?”
“How can I be respectful, Sir,
when you forget to take your hat off?” said
Jo.
Lifting his hand to his head, the
absent-minded Professor gravely felt and removed the
little cocked hat, looked at it a minute, and then
threw back his head and laughed like a merry bass viol.
“Ah! I see him now, it
is that imp Tina who makes me a fool with my cap.
Well, it is nothing, but see you, if this lesson goes
not well, you too shall wear him.”
But the lesson did not go at all for
a few minutes because Mr. Bhaer caught sight of a
picture on the hat, and unfolding it, said with great
disgust, “I wish these papers did not come in
the house. They are not for children to see,
nor young people to read. It is not well, and
I haf no patience with those who make this harm.”
Jo glanced at the sheet and saw a
pleasing illustration composed of a lunatic, a corpse,
a villain, and a viper. She did not like it,
but the impulse that made her turn it over was not
one of displeasure but fear, because for a minute
she fancied the paper was the Volcano. It was
not, however, and her panic subsided as she remembered
that even if it had been and one of her own tales
in it, there would have been no name to betray her.
She had betrayed herself, however, by a look and a
blush, for though an absent man, the Professor saw
a good deal more than people fancied. He knew
that Jo wrote, and had met her down among the newspaper
offices more than once, but as she never spoke of it,
he asked no questions in spite of a strong desire
to see her work. Now it occurred to him that
she was doing what she was ashamed to own, and it
troubled him. He did not say to himself, “It
is none of my business. I’ve no right to
say anything,” as many people would have done.
He only remembered that she was young and poor, a
girl far away from mother’s love and father’s
care, and he was moved to help her with an impulse
as quick and natural as that which would prompt him
to put out his hand to save a baby from a puddle.
All this flashed through his mind in a minute, but
not a trace of it appeared in his face, and by the
time the paper was turned, and Jo’s needle threaded,
he was ready to say quite naturally, but very gravely...
“Yes, you are right to put it
from you. I do not think that good young girls
should see such things. They are made pleasant
to some, but I would more rather give my boys gunpowder
to play with than this bad trash.”
“All may not be bad, only silly,
you know, and if there is a demand for it, I don’t
see any harm in supplying it. Many very respectable
people make an honest living out of what are called
sensation stories,” said Jo, scratching gathers
so energetically that a row of little slits followed
her pin.
“There is a demand for whisky,
but I think you and I do not care to sell it.
If the respectable people knew what harm they did,
they would not feel that the living was honest.
They haf no right to put poison in the sugarplum,
and let the small ones eat it. No, they should
think a little, and sweep mud in the street before
they do this thing.”
Mr. Bhaer spoke warmly, and walked
to the fire, crumpling the paper in his hands.
Jo sat still, looking as if the fire had come to her,
for her cheeks burned long after the cocked hat had
turned to smoke and gone harmlessly up the chimney.
“I should like much to send
all the rest after him,” muttered the Professor,
coming back with a relieved air.
Jo thought what a blaze her pile of
papers upstairs would make, and her hard-earned money
lay rather heavily on her conscience at that minute.
Then she thought consolingly to herself, “Mine
are not like that, they are only silly, never bad,
so I won’t be worried,” and taking up her
book, she said, with a studious face, “Shall
we go on, Sir? I’ll be very good and proper
now.”
“I shall hope so,” was
all he said, but he meant more than she imagined,
and the grave, kind look he gave her made her feel
as if the words Weekly Volcano were printed in large
type on her forehead.
As soon as she went to her room, she
got out her papers, and carefully reread every one
of her stories. Being a little shortsighted,
Mr. Bhaer sometimes used eye glasses, and Jo had tried
them once, smiling to see how they magnified the fine
print of her book. Now she seemed to have on
the Professor’s mental or moral spectacles also,
for the faults of these poor stories glared at her
dreadfully and filled her with dismay.
“They are trash, and will soon
be worse trash if I go on, for each is more sensational
than the last. I’ve gone blindly on, hurting
myself and other people, for the sake of money.
I know it’s so, for I can’t read this
stuff in sober earnest without being horribly ashamed
of it, and what should I do if they were seen at home
or Mr. Bhaer got hold of them?”
Jo turned hot at the bare idea, and
stuffed the whole bundle into her stove, nearly setting
the chimney afire with the blaze.
“Yes, that’s the best
place for such inflammable nonsense. I’d
better burn the house down, I suppose, than let other
people blow themselves up with my gunpowder,”
she thought as she watched the Demon of the Jura whisk
away, a little black cinder with fiery eyes.
But when nothing remained of all her
three month’s work except a heap of ashes and
the money in her lap, Jo looked sober, as she sat on
the floor, wondering what she ought to do about her
wages.
“I think I haven’t done
much harm yet, and may keep this to pay for my time,”
she said, after a long meditation, adding impatiently,
“I almost wish I hadn’t any conscience,
it’s so inconvenient. If I didn’t
care about doing right, and didn’t feel uncomfortable
when doing wrong, I should get on capitally.
I can’t help wishing sometimes, that Mother
and Father hadn’t been so particular about such
things.”
Ah, Jo, instead of wishing that, thank
God that ’Father and Mother were particular’,
and pity from your heart those who have no such guardians
to hedge them round with principles which may seem
like prison walls to impatient youth, but which will
prove sure foundations to build character upon in
womanhood.
Jo wrote no more sensational stories,
deciding that the money did not pay for her share
of the sensation, but going to the other extreme, as
is the way with people of her stamp, she took a course
of Mrs. Sherwood, Miss Edgeworth, and Hannah More,
and then produced a tale which might have been more
properly called an essay or a sermon, so intensely
moral was it. She had her doubts about it from
the beginning, for her lively fancy and girlish romance
felt as ill at ease in the new style as she would
have done masquerading in the stiff and cumbrous costume
of the last century. She sent this didactic gem
to several markets, but it found no purchaser, and
she was inclined to agree with Mr. Dashwood that morals
didn’t sell.
Then she tried a child’s story,
which she could easily have disposed of if she had
not been mercenary enough to demand filthy lucre for
it. The only person who offered enough to make
it worth her while to try juvenile literature was
a worthy gentleman who felt it his mission to convert
all the world to his particular belief. But much
as she liked to write for children, Jo could not consent
to depict all her naughty boys as being eaten by bears
or tossed by mad bulls because they did not go to
a particular Sabbath school, nor all the good infants
who did go as rewarded by every kind of bliss, from
gilded gingerbread to escorts of angels when they
departed this life with psalms or sermons on their
lisping tongues. So nothing came of these trials,
and Jo corked up her inkstand, and said in a fit of
very wholesome humility...
“I don’t know anything.
I’ll wait until I do before I try again, and
meantime, ‘sweep mud in the street’ if
I can’t do better, that’s honest, at least.”
Which decision proved that her second tumble down
the beanstalk had done her some good.
While these internal revolutions were
going on, her external life had been as busy and uneventful
as usual, and if she sometimes looked serious or a
little sad no one observed it but Professor Bhaer.
He did it so quietly that Jo never knew he was watching
to see if she would accept and profit by his reproof,
but she stood the test, and he was satisfied, for
though no words passed between them, he knew that she
had given up writing. Not only did he guess it
by the fact that the second finger of her right hand
was no longer inky, but she spent her evenings downstairs
now, was met no more among newspaper offices, and
studied with a dogged patience, which assured him that
she was bent on occupying her mind with something
useful, if not pleasant.
He helped her in many ways, proving
himself a true friend, and Jo was happy, for while
her pen lay idle, she was learning other lessons besides
German, and laying a foundation for the sensation story
of her own life.
It was a pleasant winter and a long
one, for she did not leave Mrs. Kirke till June.
Everyone seemed sorry when the time came. The
children were inconsolable, and Mr. Bhaer’s hair
stuck straight up all over his head, for he always
rumpled it wildly when disturbed in mind.
“Going home? Ah, you are
happy that you haf a home to go in,” he said,
when she told him, and sat silently pulling his beard
in the corner, while she held a little levee on that
last evening.
She was going early, so she bade them
all goodbye overnight, and when his turn came, she
said warmly, “Now, Sir, you won’t forget
to come and see us, if you ever travel our way, will
you? I’ll never forgive you if you do,
for I want them all to know my friend.”
“Do you? Shall I come?”
he asked, looking down at her with an eager expression
which she did not see.
“Yes, come next month.
Laurie graduates then, and you’d enjoy commencement
as something new.”
“That is your best friend, of
whom you speak?” he said in an altered tone.
“Yes, my boy Teddy. I’m
very proud of him and should like you to see him.”
Jo looked up then, quite unconscious
of anything but her own pleasure in the prospect of
showing them to one another. Something in Mr.
Bhaer’s face suddenly recalled the fact that
she might find Laurie more than a ‘best friend’,
and simply because she particularly wished not to
look as if anything was the matter, she involuntarily
began to blush, and the more she tried not to, the
redder she grew. If it had not been for Tina
on her knee. She didn’t know what would
have become of her. Fortunately the child was
moved to hug her, so she managed to hide her face
an instant, hoping the Professor did not see it.
But he did, and his own changed again from that momentary
anxiety to its usual expression, as he said cordially...
“I fear I shall not make the
time for that, but I wish the friend much success,
and you all happiness. Gott bless you!”
And with that, he shook hands warmly, shouldered
Tina, and went away.
But after the boys were abed, he sat
long before his fire with the tired look on his face
and the ‘heimweh’, or homesickness, lying
heavy at his heart. Once, when he remembered
Jo as she sat with the little child in her lap and
that new softness in her face, he leaned his head
on his hands a minute, and then roamed about the room,
as if in search of something that he could not find.
“It is not for me, I must not
hope it now,” he said to himself, with a sigh
that was almost a groan. Then, as if reproaching
himself for the longing that he could not repress,
he went and kissed the two tousled heads upon the
pillow, took down his seldom-used meerschaum, and opened
his Plato.
He did his best and did it manfully,
but I don’t think he found that a pair of rampant
boys, a pipe, or even the divine Plato, were very
satisfactory substitutes for wife and child at home.
Early as it was, he was at the station
next morning to see Jo off, and thanks to him, she
began her solitary journey with the pleasant memory
of a familiar face smiling its farewell, a bunch of
violets to keep her company, and best of all, the
happy thought, “Well, the winter’s gone,
and I’ve written no books, earned no fortune,
but I’ve made a friend worth having and I’ll
try to keep him all my life.”