Amy’s lecture did Laurie good,
though, of course, he did not own it till long afterward.
Men seldom do, for when women are the advisers, the
lords of creation don’t take the advice till
they have persuaded themselves that it is just what
they intended to do. Then they act upon it,
and, if it succeeds, they give the weaker vessel half
the credit of it. If it fails, they generously
give her the whole. Laurie went back to his
grandfather, and was so dutifully devoted for several
weeks that the old gentleman declared the climate of
Nice had improved him wonderfully, and he had better
try it again. There was nothing the young gentleman
would have liked better, but elephants could not have
dragged him back after the scolding he had received.
Pride forbid, and whenever the longing grew very
strong, he fortified his resolution by repeating the
words that had made the deepest impression “I
despise you.” “Go and do something
splendid that will make her love you.”
Laurie turned the matter over in his
mind so often that he soon brought himself to confess
that he had been selfish and lazy, but then when a
man has a great sorrow, he should be indulged in all
sorts of vagaries till he has lived it down.
He felt that his blighted affections were quite dead
now, and though he should never cease to be a faithful
mourner, there was no occasion to wear his weeds ostentatiously.
Jo wouldn’t love him, but he might make her
respect and admire him by doing something which should
prove that a girl’s ‘No’ had not
spoiled his life. He had always meant to do
something, and Amy’s advice was quite unnecessary.
He had only been waiting till the aforesaid blighted
affections were decently interred. That being
done, he felt that he was ready to ‘hide his
stricken heart, and still toil on’.
As Goethe, when he had a joy or a
grief, put it into a song, so Laurie resolved to embalm
his love sorrow in music, and to compose a Requiem
which should harrow up Jo’s soul and melt the
heart of every hearer. Therefore the next time
the old gentleman found him getting restless and moody
and ordered him off, he went to Vienna, where he had
musical friends, and fell to work with the firm determination
to distinguish himself. But whether the sorrow
was too vast to be embodied in music, or music too
ethereal to uplift a mortal woe, he soon discovered
that the Requiem was beyond him just at present.
It was evident that his mind was not in working order
yet, and his ideas needed clarifying, for often in
the middle of a plaintive strain, he would find himself
humming a dancing tune that vividly recalled the Christmas
ball at Nice, especially the stout Frenchman, and
put an effectual stop to tragic composition for the
time being.
Then he tried an opera, for nothing
seemed impossible in the beginning, but here again
unforeseen difficulties beset him. He wanted
Jo for his heroine, and called upon his memory to
supply him with tender recollections and romantic
visions of his love. But memory turned traitor,
and as if possessed by the perverse spirit of the girl,
would only recall Jo’s oddities, faults, and
freaks, would only show her in the most unsentimental
aspects beating mats with her head tied
up in a bandanna, barricading herself with the sofa
pillow, or throwing cold water over his passion a
la Gummidge and an irresistable laugh spoiled
the pensive picture he was endeavoring to paint.
Jo wouldn’t be put into the opera at any price,
and he had to give her up with a “Bless that
girl, what a torment she is!” and a clutch at
his hair, as became a distracted composer.
When he looked about him for another
and a less intractable damsel to immortalize in melody,
memory produced one with the most obliging readiness.
This phantom wore many faces, but it always had golden
hair, was enveloped in a diaphanous cloud, and floated
airily before his mind’s eye in a pleasing chaos
of roses, peacocks, white ponies, and blue ribbons.
He did not give the complacent wraith any name, but
he took her for his heroine and grew quite fond of
her, as well he might, for he gifted her with every
gift and grace under the sun, and escorted her, unscathed,
through trials which would have annihilated any mortal
woman.
Thanks to this inspiration, he got
on swimmingly for a time, but gradually the work lost
its charm, and he forgot to compose, while he sat
musing, pen in hand, or roamed about the gay city to
get some new ideas and refresh his mind, which seemed
to be in a somewhat unsettled state that winter.
He did not do much, but he thought a great deal and
was conscious of a change of some sort going on in
spite of himself. “It’s genius simmering,
perhaps. I’ll let it simmer, and see what
comes of it,” he said, with a secret suspicion
all the while that it wasn’t genius, but something
far more common. Whatever it was, it simmered
to some purpose, for he grew more and more discontented
with his desultory life, began to long for some real
and earnest work to go at, soul and body, and finally
came to the wise conclusion that everyone who loved
music was not a composer. Returning from one
of Mozart’s grand operas, splendidly performed
at the Royal Theatre, he looked over his own, played
a few of the best parts, sat staring at the busts
of Mendelssohn, Beethoven, and Bach, who stared benignly
back again. Then suddenly he tore up his music
sheets, one by one, and as the last fluttered out
of his hand, he said soberly to himself...
“She is right! Talent
isn’t genius, and you can’t make it so.
That music has taken the vanity out of me as Rome
took it out of her, and I won’t be a humbug
any longer. Now what shall I do?”
That seemed a hard question to answer,
and Laurie began to wish he had to work for his daily
bread. Now if ever, occurred an eligible opportunity
for ‘going to the devil’, as he once forcibly
expressed it, for he had plenty of money and nothing
to do, and Satan is proverbially fond of providing
employment for full and idle hands. The poor
fellow had temptations enough from without and from
within, but he withstood them pretty well, for much
as he valued liberty, he valued good faith and confidence
more, so his promise to his grandfather, and his desire
to be able to look honestly into the eyes of the women
who loved him, and say “All’s well,”
kept him safe and steady.
Very likely some Mrs. Grundy will
observe, “I don’t believe it, boys will
be boys, young men must sow their wild oats, and women
must not expect miracles.” I dare say
you don’t, Mrs. Grundy, but it’s true
nevertheless. Women work a good many miracles,
and I have a persuasion that they may perform even
that of raising the standard of manhood by refusing
to echo such sayings. Let the boys be boys, the
longer the better, and let the young men sow their
wild oats if they must. But mothers, sisters,
and friends may help to make the crop a small one,
and keep many tares from spoiling the harvest,
by believing, and showing that they believe, in the
possibility of loyalty to the virtues which make men
manliest in good women’s eyes. If it is
a feminine delusion, leave us to enjoy it while we
may, for without it half the beauty and the romance
of life is lost, and sorrowful forebodings would embitter
all our hopes of the brave, tenderhearted little lads,
who still love their mothers better than themselves
and are not ashamed to own it.
Laurie thought that the task of forgetting
his love for Jo would absorb all his powers for years,
but to his great surprise he discovered it grew easier
every day. He refused to believe it at first,
got angry with himself, and couldn’t understand
it, but these hearts of ours are curious and contrary
things, and time and nature work their will in spite
of us. Laurie’s heart wouldn’t ache.
The wound persisted in healing with a rapidity that
astonished him, and instead of trying to forget, he
found himself trying to remember. He had not
foreseen this turn of affairs, and was not prepared
for it. He was disgusted with himself, surprised
at his own fickleness, and full of a queer mixture
of disappointment and relief that he could recover
from such a tremendous blow so soon. He carefully
stirred up the embers of his lost love, but they refused
to burst into a blaze. There was only a comfortable
glow that warmed and did him good without putting him
into a fever, and he was reluctantly obliged to confess
that the boyish passion was slowly subsiding into
a more tranquil sentiment, very tender, a little sad
and resentful still, but that was sure to pass away
in time, leaving a brotherly affection which would
last unbroken to the end.
As the word ‘brotherly’
passed through his mind in one of his reveries, he
smiled, and glanced up at the picture of Mozart that
was before him...
“Well, he was a great man, and
when he couldn’t have one sister he took the
other, and was happy.”
Laurie did not utter the words, but
he thought them, and the next instant kissed the little
old ring, saying to himself, “No, I won’t!
I haven’t forgotten, I never can. I’ll
try again, and if that fails, why then...”
Leaving his sentence unfinished, he
seized pen and paper and wrote to Jo, telling her
that he could not settle to anything while there was
the least hope of her changing her mind. Couldn’t
she, wouldn’t she and let him come
home and be happy? While waiting for an answer
he did nothing, but he did it energetically, for he
was in a fever of impatience. It came at last,
and settled his mind effectually on one point, for
Jo decidedly couldn’t and wouldn’t.
She was wrapped up in Beth, and never wished to hear
the word love again. Then she begged him to
be happy with somebody else, but always keep a little
corner of his heart for his loving sister Jo.
In a postscript she desired him not to tell Amy that
Beth was worse, she was coming home in the spring
and there was no need of saddening the remainder of
her stay. That would be time enough, please
God, but Laurie must write to her often, and not let
her feel lonely, homesick or anxious.
“So I will, at once. Poor
little girl, it will be a sad going home for her,
I’m afraid,” and Laurie opened his desk,
as if writing to Amy had been the proper conclusion
of the sentence left unfinished some weeks before.
But he did not write the letter that
day, for as he rummaged out his best paper, he came
across something which changed his purpose. Tumbling
about in one part of the desk among bills, passports,
and business documents of various kinds were several
of Jo’s letters, and in another compartment
were three notes from Amy, carefully tied up with
one of her blue ribbons and sweetly suggestive of the
little dead roses put away inside. With a half-repentant,
half-amused expression, Laurie gathered up all Jo’s
letters, smoothed, folded, and put them neatly into
a small drawer of the desk, stood a minute turning
the ring thoughtfully on his finger, then slowly drew
it off, laid it with the letters, locked the drawer,
and went out to hear High Mass at Saint Stefan’s,
feeling as if there had been a funeral, and though
not overwhelmed with affliction, this seemed a more
proper way to spend the rest of the day than in writing
letters to charming young ladies.
The letter went very soon, however,
and was promptly answered, for Amy was homesick, and
confessed it in the most delightfully confiding manner.
The correspondence flourished famously, and letters
flew to and fro with unfailing regularity all through
the early spring. Laurie sold his busts, made
allumettes of his opera, and went back to Paris,
hoping somebody would arrive before long. He
wanted desperately to go to Nice, but would not till
he was asked, and Amy would not ask him, for just
then she was having little experiences of her own,
which made her rather wish to avoid the quizzical
eyes of ‘our boy’.
Fred Vaughn had returned, and put
the question to which she had once decided to answer,
“Yes, thank you,” but now she said, “No,
thank you,” kindly but steadily, for when the
time came, her courage failed her, and she found that
something more than money and position was needed to
satisfy the new longing that filled her heart so full
of tender hopes and fears. The words, “Fred
is a good fellow, but not at all the man I fancied
you would ever like,” and Laurie’s face
when he uttered them, kept returning to her as pertinaciously
as her own did when she said in look, if not in words,
“I shall marry for money.” It troubled
her to remember that now, she wished she could take
it back, it sounded so unwomanly. She didn’t
want Laurie to think her a heartless, worldly creature.
She didn’t care to be a queen of society now
half so much as she did to be a lovable woman.
She was so glad he didn’t hate her for the
dreadful things she said, but took them so beautifully
and was kinder than ever. His letters were such
a comfort, for the home letters were very irregular
and not half so satisfactory as his when they did
come. It was not only a pleasure, but a duty
to answer them, for the poor fellow was forlorn, and
needed petting, since Jo persisted in being stonyhearted.
She ought to have made an effort and tried to love
him. It couldn’t be very hard, many people
would be proud and glad to have such a dear boy care
for them. But Jo never would act like other
girls, so there was nothing to do but be very kind
and treat him like a brother.
If all brothers were treated as well
as Laurie was at this period, they would be a much
happier race of beings than they are. Amy never
lectured now. She asked his opinion on all subjects,
she was interested in everything he did, made charming
little presents for him, and sent him two letters
a week, full of lively gossip, sisterly confidences,
and captivating sketches of the lovely scenes about
her. As few brothers are complimented by having
their letters carried about in their sister’s
pockets, read and reread diligently, cried over when
short, kissed when long, and treasured carefully, we
will not hint that Amy did any of these fond and foolish
things. But she certainly did grow a little
pale and pensive that spring, lost much of her relish
for society, and went out sketching alone a good deal.
She never had much to show when she came home, but
was studying nature, I dare say, while she sat for
hours, with her hands folded, on the terrace at Valrosa,
or absently sketched any fancy that occurred to her,
a stalwart knight carved on a tomb, a young man asleep
in the grass, with his hat over his eyes, or a curly
haired girl in gorgeous array, promenading down a
ballroom on the arm of a tall gentleman, both faces
being left a blur according to the last fashion in
art, which was safe but not altogether satisfactory.
Her aunt thought that she regretted
her answer to Fred, and finding denials useless and
explanations impossible, Amy left her to think what
she liked, taking care that Laurie should know that
Fred had gone to Egypt. That was all, but he
understood it, and looked relieved, as he said to
himself, with a venerable air...
“I was sure she would think
better of it. Poor old fellow! I’ve
been through it all, and I can sympathize.”
With that he heaved a great sigh,
and then, as if he had discharged his duty to the
past, put his feet up on the sofa and enjoyed Amy’s
letter luxuriously.
While these changes were going on
abroad, trouble had come at home. But the letter
telling that Beth was failing never reached Amy, and
when the next found her at Vevay, for the heat had
driven them from Nice in May, and they had travelled
slowly to Switzerland, by way of Genoa and the Italian
lakes. She bore it very well, and quietly submitted
to the family decree that she should not shorten her
visit, for since it was too late to say goodbye to
Beth, she had better stay, and let absence soften
her sorrow. But her heart was very heavy, she
longed to be at home, and every day looked wistfully
across the lake, waiting for Laurie to come and comfort
her.
He did come very soon, for the same
mail brought letters to them both, but he was in Germany,
and it took some days to reach him. The moment
he read it, he packed his knapsack, bade adieu to his
fellow pedestrians, and was off to keep his promise,
with a heart full of joy and sorrow, hope and suspense.
He knew Vevay well, and as soon as
the boat touched the little quay, he hurried along
the shore to La Tour, where the Carrols were living
en pension. The garcon was in despair that the
whole family had gone to take a promenade on the lake,
but no, the blonde mademoiselle might be in the chateau
garden. If monsieur would give himself the pain
of sitting down, a flash of time should present her.
But monsieur could not wait even a ‘flash of
time’, and in the middle of the speech departed
to find mademoiselle himself.
A pleasant old garden on the borders
of the lovely lake, with chestnuts rustling overhead,
ivy climbing everywhere, and the black shadow of the
tower falling far across the sunny water. At
one corner of the wide, low wall was a seat, and here
Amy often came to read or work, or console herself
with the beauty all about her. She was sitting
here that day, leaning her head on her hand, with
a homesick heart and heavy eyes, thinking of Beth
and wondering why Laurie did not come. She did
not hear him cross the courtyard beyond, nor see him
pause in the archway that led from the subterranean
path into the garden. He stood a minute looking
at her with new eyes, seeing what no one had ever seen
before, the tender side of Amy’s character.
Everything about her mutely suggested love and sorrow,
the blotted letters in her lap, the black ribbon that
tied up her hair, the womanly pain and patience in
her face, even the little ebony cross at her throat
seemed pathetic to Laurie, for he had given it to
her, and she wore it as her only ornament. If
he had any doubts about the reception she would give
him, they were set at rest the minute she looked up
and saw him, for dropping everything, she ran to him,
exclaiming in a tone of unmistakable love and longing...
“Oh, Laurie, Laurie, I knew you’d come
to me!”
I think everything was said and settled
then, for as they stood together quite silent for
a moment, with the dark head bent down protectingly
over the light one, Amy felt that no one could comfort
and sustain her so well as Laurie, and Laurie decided
that Amy was the only woman in the world who could
fill Jo’s place and make him happy. He
did not tell her so, but she was not disappointed,
for both felt the truth, were satisfied, and gladly
left the rest to silence.
In a minute Amy went back to her place,
and while she dried her tears, Laurie gathered up
the scattered papers, finding in the sight of sundry
well-worn letters and suggestive sketches good omens
for the future. As he sat down beside her, Amy
felt shy again, and turned rosy red at the recollection
of her impulsive greeting.
“I couldn’t help it, I
felt so lonely and sad, and was so very glad to see
you. It was such a surprise to look up and find
you, just as I was beginning to fear you wouldn’t
come,” she said, trying in vain to speak quite
naturally.
“I came the minute I heard.
I wish I could say something to comfort you for the
loss of dear little Beth, but I can only feel, and...”
He could not get any further, for he too turned bashful
all of a sudden, and did not quite know what to say.
He longed to lay Amy’s head down on his shoulder,
and tell her to have a good cry, but he did not dare,
so took her hand instead, and gave it a sympathetic
squeeze that was better than words.
“You needn’t say anything,
this comforts me,” she said softly. “Beth
is well and happy, and I mustn’t wish her back,
but I dread the going home, much as I long to see
them all. We won’t talk about it now, for
it makes me cry, and I want to enjoy you while you
stay. You needn’t go right back, need
you?”
“Not if you want me, dear.”
“I do, so much. Aunt and
Flo are very kind, but you seem like one of the family,
and it would be so comfortable to have you for a little
while.”
Amy spoke and looked so like a homesick
child whose heart was full that Laurie forgot his
bashfulness all at once, and gave her just what she
wanted the petting she was used to and the
cheerful conversation she needed.
“Poor little soul, you look
as if you’d grieved yourself half sick!
I’m going to take care of you, so don’t
cry any more, but come and walk about with me, the
wind is too chilly for you to sit still,” he
said, in the half-caressing, half-commanding way that
Amy liked, as he tied on her hat, drew her arm through
his, and began to pace up and down the sunny walk
under the new-leaved chestnuts. He felt more
at ease upon his legs, and Amy found it pleasant to
have a strong arm to lean upon, a familiar face to
smile at her, and a kind voice to talk delightfully
for her alone.
The quaint old garden had sheltered
many pairs of lovers, and seemed expressly made for
them, so sunny and secluded was it, with nothing but
the tower to overlook them, and the wide lake to carry
away the echo of their words, as it rippled by below.
For an hour this new pair walked and talked, or rested
on the wall, enjoying the sweet influences which gave
such a charm to time and place, and when an unromantic
dinner bell warned them away, Amy felt as if she left
her burden of loneliness and sorrow behind her in
the chateau garden.
The moment Mrs. Carrol saw the girl’s
altered face, she was illuminated with a new idea,
and exclaimed to herself, “Now I understand it
all the child has been pining for young
Laurence. Bless my heart, I never thought of
such a thing!”
With praiseworthy discretion, the
good lady said nothing, and betrayed no sign of enlightenment,
but cordially urged Laurie to stay and begged Amy
to enjoy his society, for it would do her more good
than so much solitude. Amy was a model of docility,
and as her aunt was a good deal occupied with Flo,
she was left to entertain her friend, and did it with
more than her usual success.
At Nice, Laurie had lounged and Amy
had scolded. At Vevay, Laurie was never idle,
but always walking, riding, boating, or studying in
the most energetic manner, while Amy admired everything
he did and followed his example as far and as fast
as she could. He said the change was owing to
the climate, and she did not contradict him, being
glad of a like excuse for her own recovered health
and spirits.
The invigorating air did them both
good, and much exercise worked wholesome changes in
minds as well as bodies. They seemed to get clearer
views of life and duty up there among the everlasting
hills. The fresh winds blew away desponding doubts,
delusive fancies, and moody mists. The warm
spring sunshine brought out all sorts of aspiring
ideas, tender hopes, and happy thoughts. The
lake seemed to wash away the troubles of the past,
and the grand old mountains to look benignly down
upon them saying, “Little children, love one
another.”
In spite of the new sorrow, it was
a very happy time, so happy that Laurie could not
bear to disturb it by a word. It took him a little
while to recover from his surprise at the cure of his
first, and as he had firmly believed, his last and
only love. He consoled himself for the seeming
disloyalty by the thought that Jo’s sister was
almost the same as Jo’s self, and the conviction
that it would have been impossible to love any other
woman but Amy so soon and so well. His first
wooing had been of the tempestuous order, and he looked
back upon it as if through a long vista of years with
a feeling of compassion blended with regret.
He was not ashamed of it, but put it away as one
of the bitter-sweet experiences of his life, for which
he could be grateful when the pain was over.
His second wooing, he resolved, should be as calm
and simple as possible. There was no need of
having a scene, hardly any need of telling Amy that
he loved her, she knew it without words and had given
him his answer long ago. It all came about so
naturally that no one could complain, and he knew that
everybody would be pleased, even Jo. But when
our first little passion has been crushed, we are
apt to be wary and slow in making a second trial, so
Laurie let the days pass, enjoying every hour, and
leaving to chance the utterance of the word that would
put an end to the first and sweetest part of his new
romance.
He had rather imagined that the denoument
would take place in the chateau garden by moonlight,
and in the most graceful and decorous manner, but
it turned out exactly the reverse, for the matter was
settled on the lake at noonday in a few blunt words.
They had been floating about all the morning, from
gloomy St. Gingolf to sunny Montreux, with the Alps
of Savoy on one side, Mont St. Bernard and the Dent
du Midi on the other, pretty Vevay in the valley, and
Lausanne upon the hill beyond, a cloudless blue sky
overhead, and the bluer lake below, dotted with the
picturesque boats that look like white-winged gulls.
They had been talking of Bonnivard,
as they glided past Chillon, and of Rousseau, as they
looked up at Clarens, where he wrote his Heloise.
Neither had read it, but they knew it was a love story,
and each privately wondered if it was half as interesting
as their own. Amy had been dabbling her hand
in the water during the little pause that fell between
them, and when she looked up, Laurie was leaning on
his oars with an expression in his eyes that made
her say hastily, merely for the sake of saying something...
“You must be tired. Rest
a little, and let me row. It will do me good,
for since you came I have been altogether lazy and
luxurious.”
“I’m not tired, but you
may take an oar, if you like. There’s room
enough, though I have to sit nearly in the middle,
else the boat won’t trim,” returned Laurie,
as if he rather liked the arrangement.
Feeling that she had not mended matters
much, Amy took the offered third of a seat, shook
her hair over her face, and accepted an oar.
She rowed as well as she did many other things, and
though she used both hands, and Laurie but one, the
oars kept time, and the boat went smoothly through
the water.
“How well we pull together,
don’t we?” said Amy, who objected to silence
just then.
“So well that I wish we might
always pull in the same boat. Will you, Amy?”
very tenderly.
“Yes, Laurie,” very low.
Then they both stopped rowing, and
unconsciously added a pretty little tableau of human
love and happiness to the dissolving views reflected
in the lake.