CONCERNING A DAY OF HONEST WARFARE
AND A SUNSET HARBINGER NOT OF THE NIGHT BUT OF THE
DAWN
That episode, upon the bridge spanning
the Long Water, brought Richard would-be saint, Richard
pilgrim along the great white road which leads onward
to Perfection, into lively collision with Richard the
natural man, not to mention Richard the “wild
bull in a net.” These opposing forces engaged
battle, with the consequence that the carriage horses
took the hill at a rather breakneck pace. Not
that Dickie touched them, but that, he being vibrant,
they felt his mood down the length of the reins and
responded to it.
“Ludovic need hardly have been
in such a prodigious hurry,” he broke out.
“He might have allowed one a few days’
grace. It was a defect of taste to come over
immediately but then all that family’s
taste is liable to lapses.”
Promptly he repented, ashamed both
of his anger and such self-revealing expression of
it.
“I dare say it’s all for
the best though. Better a thing should be nipped
in the bud than in the blossom. And this puts
it all on a right footing. One might easily drift
into depending too much upon Honoria. I own I
was dangerously near doing that this spring. I
don’t mind telling you so now, mother, because
this, you see, disposes finally of the matter.”
His voice contended oddly with the
noise of the wheels, rattle of the pole-chains, pounding
of the hoofs of the pulling horses. The sentences
came to Lady Calmady’s ears disjointed, difficult
to follow and interpret. Therefore she answered
slightly at random.
“My dearest, I could have kept
her longer in the spring if I had only known,”
she said, a disquieting suspicion of lost opportunity
assailing her. “But, from certain things
which you said, I thought you preferred our being
alone.”
“So I did. I wanted her
to go because I wanted her to stay. Do you see?”
“Ah, yes! I see,”
Katherine replied. And at that moment, it must
be conceded, her sentiments were not conspicuously
pacific towards her faithful adherent, Mr. Quayle.
“We’ve a good many interests
in common,” Dickie went on, “and there
seemed a chance of one’s settling down into a
rather charming friendship with her. It was a
beguiling prospect. And for that very reason,
it was best she should depart. The prospect, in
all its beguilingness, renewed itself to-day after
luncheon.” He paused, handling the
plunging horses. “And so after all
Ludovic shall be reckoned welcome. For, as I
say, I might have come to depend on her. And
one’s a fool I ought to have learnt
that salutary lesson by this time a rank
fool, to depend on anybody, or anything, save oneself,
simply and solely oneself” his tone
softened “and upon you, most dear
and long-suffering mother. Therefore the
dream of friendship goes overboard after all, along
with the rest of one’s little illusions.
And every illusion one rids oneself of is so much
to the good. It lightens the ship. It lessens
the chances of sinking. Clearly it is so much
pure gain.”
That evening, pleading unexampled
occurrence in her case a headache as excuse,
Miss St. Quentin did not put in an appearance at dinner.
Nor did Richard put in an appearance at breakfast
next morning. At an early hour he had received
a communication earnestly requesting his presence
at the Westchurch Infirmary. His mission promised
to be a melancholy one, yet he was not sorry for the
demand made by it upon his time and thought.
For, notwithstanding the philosophic tone he had adopted
with Lady Calmady in speaking of that friendship which,
if not nipped in the bud, might have reached perils
of too luxuriant blossoming, the would-be saint and
the natural man, the pilgrim on the highroad to Perfection
and that very inconvenient animal “the wild bull
in a net,” kept up warfare within Richard Calmady.
They were hard at it even yet, when, in the fair freshness
of the September morning the grasses and
hedge-fruit, the wild flowers, and the low-growing,
tangled coppices by the roadside, still heavy with
dew he drove over to Westchurch. The
day was bright, with flying cloud and a westerly breeze.
The dust was laid, and the atmosphere, cleared by
the storm of the preceding afternoon, had a smack
of autumn in it. It was one of those delicious,
yet distracting, days when the sea calls, and when
whosoever loves seafaring grows restless, must seek
movement, seek the open, strain his eyes towards the
margin of the land be the coast-line never
so far distant tormented by desire for
sight of the blue water, and the strong and naked
joys of the mighty ridge and furrow where go the gallant
ships.
With the upspringing of the wind at
dawn, that calling of the sea had made itself heard
to Richard. At first it suggested only the practical
temptation of putting the Reprieve into commission,
and engaging Lady Calmady to go forth with him on
a three or four months’ cruise. But that,
as he speedily convinced himself, was but a pitifully
cheap expedient, a shirking of voluntarily assumed
responsibility, a childish cheating of discontent,
rather than an honestly attempted cure of it.
If cure was to be achieved, the canker must be excised,
boldly cut out, not overlaid merely by some trifle
of partially concealing plaster. For he knew
well enough as all sea-lovers know and,
as he drove through the dappled sunlight and shadow,
frankly admitted that though the sea itself
very actually and really called, yet its calling was
the voice and symbol of much over and above itself.
For in it speaks the eternal necessity of going forward,
that hunger and thirst for the absolute and ultimate
which drives every human creature whose heart and soul
and intellect are truly animate. And to him,
just now, it spoke more particularly of the natural
instincts of his manhood of ambition, of
passion, of headlong desire of sensation, excitement,
adventure, of just all that, in fact, which he had
forsworn, had agreed with himself to cast aside and
forget. And, thinking of this, suspicion assailed
him that forswearing had been slightly insincere and
perfunctory. He accused himself of nourishing
the belief that giving, he would also receive, and
that in kind, while that any sacrifice which
he offered would be returned to him doubled in value.
Casting his bread upon the waters, he accused himself
of having expected to find it, not “after many
days,” but immediately a full baker’s
dozen ready to hand in his pocket. His motives
had not been wholly pure. Actually, though not
at the time consciously, he had assayed to strike
a bargain with the Almighty.
Just as he reached the top of the
long, straight hill leading down into Westchurch,
Richard arrived at these unflattering conclusions.
On either side the road, upon the yellow surface of
which the sunlight played through the tossing leaves
of the plane trees, were villas of very varied and
hybrid styles of architecture. They were, for
the most part, smothered in creepers, and set in gardens
gay with blossom. Below lay the sprawling, red-brick
town blotted with purple shadow. A black canal
meandered through the heart of it, crossed by mean,
humpbacked bridges. The huge, amorphous buildings
of its railway station engine sheds, goods
warehouses, trailing of swiftly dispersed white smoke the
grime and clamour of all that, its factory buildings
and tall chimneys, were very evident, as were the
pale towers of its churches. And beyond the ugly,
pushing, industrial commonplace of it, striking a very
different note, the blue ribbon of the still youthful
Thames, backed by high-lying chalk-lands fringed with
hanging woods, traversed a stretch of flat, green
meadows. Richard’s eyes rested upon the
scene absently, since thought just now had more empire
over him than any outward seeing. For he perceived
that he must cleanse himself yet further of self-seeking.
Those words, “if thou wilt be perfect sell that
thou hast and give to the poor, and follow thou Me,”
have not a material and objective significance merely.
They deal with each personal desire, even the apparently
most legitimate with each indulgence of
personal feeling, even the apparently most innocent with
the inward attitude and the atmosphere of the mind
even more closely than with outward action and conduct.
And so Richard reached the conclusion that he must
strip himself yet nearer to the bone. He must
digest the harsh truth that virtue is its own reward
in the sense that it is its only reward, and must
look for nothing beyond that. He had grown slack
of late, seduced by visions of pleasant things permitted
most men but to him forbidden, and wearied, too, by
the length of the way and inevitable monotony of it
now first heat of enthusiasm had evaporated. Well it
was all very simple. He must just re-dedicate
himself. And in this stern and chastened frame
of mind he drove through the bustle of the country
town Saturday, market day, its streets unusually
alive nodding to an acquaintance here and
there in passing, two or three of his tenant farmers,
Mr. Cathcart of Newlands in on county business, Goodall
the octogenarian miller from Parson’s Holt, and
Lemuel Image, the brewer, bursting out of an obviously
new suit of very showy tweeds. Then, at
the main door of the Infirmary, helped by the stalwart,
hospital porter, he got down from the dog-cart, and
subsequently raked by curious eyes, saluted
by hardly repressed tittering from the out-patients
waiting en queue for admission to the dispensary he
made his slow way along the bare, vault-like, stone
passage to the accident ward, in the far corner of
which a bed was shut off from the rest by an arrangement
of screens and of curtains.
And it was in the same chastened frame
of mind that, some four or five hours later, Dickie
entered the dining-room at Brockhurst. The two
ladies had nearly finished luncheon and were about
to rise from the table. Lady Calmady greeted
him very gladly, but abstained from inquiry as to
his doings or from comment on the lateness of the hour,
since experience had long ago taught her that of all
known animals man is the one of whom it is least profitable
for woman to ask questions. He was here at home,
alive, intact, her eyes were rejoiced by the sight
of him, that was sufficient. If he had anything
to tell her, no doubt he would tell it later.
For the rest, she had something to tell him, but that
too must wait till time and circumstance were propitious,
since the conveying of it involved delicate diplomacies.
It must be handled lightly. For the life of her
she must avoid all appearance of eagerness, all appearance
of attaching serious importance to the communication.
Lady Calmady had learned, this morning, that Honoria
St. Quentin did not propose to marry Ludovic Quayle.
The young lady, whose charming nonchalance was curiously
in eclipse to-day, had given her to understand so
much, but very briefly, the subject evidently being
rather painful to her. She was silent and a little
distrait; but she was also very gentle, displaying
a disposition to follow Katherine about wherever she
went and a pretty zeal in doing small, odd jobs for
her. Katherine was touched and tenderly amused
by her manner, which was as that of a charming child
coveting assurance that it need not be ashamed of
itself, and that it has not really done anything naughty!
But Katherine sighed too, watching this strong, graceful,
capable creature; for, if things had been otherwise
with Dickie, how thankfully she would have given the
keeping of his future into this woman’s hands!
She had ceased to be jealous even of her son’s
love. Gladly, gratefully, would she have shared
that love, accepting the second place, if only but
all that was beyond possibility of hope. Still
the friendship of which he had spoken somewhat bitterly
yesterday poor darling remained.
Ludovic Quayle’s pretensions she felt
very pitifully towards that accomplished gentleman,
all his good qualities had started into high relief! but,
his pretensions no longer barring the way to that
friendship, she pledged herself to work for the promotion
of it. Dickie was too severe in self-repression,
was over-strained in stoicism; and, ignoring the fact
that in his fixity of purpose, his exaggerations of
self-abnegation, he proved himself very much her own
son, she determined secretly, cautiously, lovingly,
to combat all that.
It was, therefore, with warm satisfaction
that, as Honoria was about to rise from the table,
she observed Richard emerge, in a degree, from his
abstraction, and heard him say:
“You told me you’d like
to ride over to Farley this afternoon and see the
home for my crippled people. Are you too tired
after your headache, or do you still care to go?”
“Oh! I’m not tired,
thanks,” Honoria answered. Then she hesitated,
and Richard, looking at her, was aware, as on the
bridge yesterday, of a sudden and singular thickening
of her features, which, while marring her beauty,
rendered her aspect strangely pathetic, as of one who
sustains some mysterious hurt. And to him it seemed,
for the moment, as though both that hurt and the infliction
of it bore subtle relation to himself. Common
sense discredited the notion as unpermissibly fantastic,
still it influenced and softened his manner.
“But you know you are looking
frightfully done up yourself, Richard,” she
went on, with a charming air of half-reluctant protest.
“Isn’t he, Cousin Katherine? Are
you sure you want to ride this afternoon? Please
don’t go out just on my account.”
“Oh! I’m right enough,”
he answered. “I’d infinitely rather
go out.”
He pushed back his chair and reached
down for his crutches. Still the fantastic notion
that, all unwittingly, he had been guilty of doing
Honoria some strange injury, clung to him. He
was sensible of the desire to offer reparation.
This made him more communicative than he would otherwise
have been.
“I saw a man die this morning that’s
all,” he said. “I know it’s
stupid, but one can’t help it it knocks
one about a bit. You see he didn’t want
to die, poor fellow, though, God knows, he’d
little enough to live for or to live with,
for that matter.”
“Your factory hand?” Honoria asked.
Richard slipped out of his chair, and stood upright.
“Yes, my factory hand,”
he answered. “Dear, old Knott was fearfully
savage about it. He was so tremendously keen on
the case, and made sure of pulling him through.
But the poor boy had been sliced up a little too thoroughly.” Richard
paused, smiling at Honoria. “So all one
could do was to go with him just as far as is permitted
out into the great silence, and then then
come home to luncheon. The home at Farley loses
its point, rather, now he is dead. Still there
are others, plenty of others, enough to satisfy even
Knott’s greed of riveting broken human crockery. Oh
yes! I shall enjoy riding over, if you are still
good to come. Four o’clock that’ll
suit you? I’ll order the horses.”
And so, in due time, the two rode
forth together into the brightness of the September
afternoon. The sea still called, but Dickie’s
ears were deaf to all dangerous allurements and excitations
resident in that calling. It had to him, just
now, only the pensive charm of a far-away melody,
which, though no doubt of great and immediate import
to others, had ceased to be any concern of his.
Beside the death-bed in the hospital-ward he had renewed
his vows, and the efficacy of that renewal was very
present with him. It made for repose. It
laid the evil spirit of defiance, of self-consciousness,
of humiliation, so often obtaining in his intercourse
with women a spirit begotten by the perpetual
prick of his deformity, and in part, too, by his determined
adoption of the ascetic attitude in regard to the
affections. He was spent by the emotions of the
morning, but that also made for repose. For the
time being devils were cast out. He was tranquil,
yet exalted. His eyes had a smile in them, as
though they looked beyond the limit of things transitory
and material into the regions of the Pure Idea, where
the eternal values are disclosed and Peace has her
dwelling. And, precisely because of all this,
he could take Honoria’s presence lightly, be
chivalrously solicitous of her entertainment and well-being,
and talk to her with greater freedom than ever heretofore.
He ceased to be on his guard with her because, in
good truth, it seemed to him there ceased to be anything
to guard against. For the time being, at all
events, he had got to the other side of all that, and
so she and his relation to her, had become part of
that charming but faraway melody which was no concern
of his though mighty great and altogether
worthy concern of others, of Ludovic Quayle, for example. And
in his present tranquil humour he could listen to
the sweetness of that melody ungrudgingly. It
was pleasant. He could enjoy it without envy though
it was none of his.
But to Honoria’s seeing, it
must be owned, matters shaped themselves very differently.
For the usually unperturbed, the chaste and gallant
soul of her endured violent assaults, violent commotions,
the origin of which she but partially understood.
And these Richard’s frankness, his courteous,
in some sort brotherly, good-fellowship, served to
intensify rather than allay. The feeling of the
noble horse under her, the cool, westerly wind in
her face, went to steady her nerves, and restore the
self-possession, courage of judgment, and clearness
of thought, which had been lacking to her during the
past twenty-four hours. Nevertheless she rode
as through a but-newly-discovered country, familiar
objects displaying alien aspects, familiar phrases
assuming unlooked-for significance, a something challenging
and fateful meeting her everywhere. The whole
future seemed to hang in the balance, and she waited,
dreading yet longing, to see the scale turn.
This afternoon the harvesters were
carrying the corn. Red-painted waggons, drawn
by sleek, heavy-made cart-horses, crawled slowly across
the blond stubble. It was pretty to see the rusty-gold
sheaves tossed up from the shining prongs of the pitchforks
on to the mountainous load. Honoria and Richard
watched this, a little minute, from the grass-ride
bordering the roadway beneath the elms. Next came
the high-lying moorland, beyond the lodges. The
fine-leaved heath was thick with red-purple blossom.
Patches of dusky heather were frosted with dainty
pink. Spikes of genista and beds of needle-furze
showed sharply yellow, vividly green, and a fringe
of blue campanula, with frail, quivering bells, outlined
all open spaces. The face of the land had been
washed by the rain. It shone with an inimitable
cleanliness, as though consciously happy in relief
from all soil of dust. And it was here, the open
country stretching afar on all sides, that Dickie began
talking, not, as at first, in desultory fashion, but
of matters nearly pertaining and closely interesting
to himself.
“You know,” he said, as
they walked the horses quietly, neck to neck, along
the moorland road, “I don’t go in for system-making
or for reforms on any big scale. That doesn’t
come within my province. I must leave that to
politicians and to men who are in the push of the world.
I admire it. I rejoice in the hot-headed, narrow-brained,
whole-hearted agitator, who believes that his system
adopted, his reform carried through, the whole show
will instantly be put straight. Such faith is
very touching.”
“And the reformer has sometimes
done some little good after all,” Honoria commented.
“Of course he has!” Dickie
agreed. “Only, as a rule, poor dear, he
can’t be contented but that his special reform
should be the final one, that his system should be
the universal panacea. And in point of fact no
reform is final this side of death, and no panacea
is universal, save that which the Maker of the Universe
chooses to work out is working out now,
if we could any way grasp it through the
slow course of unnumbered ages. Let the reformer
do all he can, but don’t let him turn sour because
his pet reform, his pet system, sinks away and is
swallowed up in the great sea of things sea
of human progress, if you like. Every system
is bound to prove too small, every reform ludicrously
inadequate be it never so radical because
material conditions are perpetually changing, while
man in his mental, emotional and physical aspects
remains always precisely the same.”
They passed from the breezy upland
into the high-banked lane which, leading downwards,
joins the great London and Portsmouth Road just beyond
Farley Row.
“And and that is
where I come in!” Richard said, turning a little
in the saddle and smiling sweet-temperedly, yet with
a suggestion of self-mockery, upon his companion.
“Just because, in essential respects, mankind
remains notwithstanding modifications of
his environment substantially the same,
from the era of the Pentateuch to the era of the Rougon-Macquarts,
there must always be a lot of wreckage, of waste,
and refuse humanity. The inauguration of each
new system, each new reform religious, political,
educational, economic practically they’re
all in the same boat let alone the inevitable
breakdown or petering out of each, necessarily produces
a fresh crop of such waste and refuse material.
And in that a man like myself, who does not aspire
to cure or to construct, but merely to alleviate and
to pick up the pieces, finds his chance.”
And Honoria listened musing approved,
enthusiasm gaining her; yet protested since,
even while she admired, she rebelled a little on his
account, and for his sake.
“But it is rather a hard life,
surely Richard,” she said, “which you
propose to yourself? Always the pieces, the thing
broken and spoiled, never the thing in its beauty,
full of promise, and whole!”
“It is less hard for me than
for most,” he answered, “or should be so.
After all, I am to the manner born a bit
of human wreckage myself, with which, but for the
accident of wealth, things would have gone pretty
badly. I used to be horribly scared sometimes,
as a small boy, thinking to what uses I might be put
if the kindly, golden rampart ever gave.”
He became silent. As for Honoria,
she had neither courage to look at, nor answer, him
just then.
“And you see, I’m absolutely
free,” he added presently. “I
am alone, always shall be so. If the life is
hard, I ask no one to share it, so I may make it what
I like.”
“Oh! no, no you misunderstand,
Richard! I didn’t mean that,” Honoria
cried quickly, half under her breath.
Again he looked at her, smiling.
“Didn’t you? All the kinder of you,”
he said.
Thereupon regret, almost intolerable
in its poignancy, invaded Miss St. Quentin that she
would have to go away, to go back to the world and
all the foolish obtaining fashions of it; that she
would have to take that preeminently well-cushioned
and luxurious winter’s journey to Cairo.
She longed inexpressibly to remain here, to assist
in these experiments made in the name of Holy Charity.
She longed inexpressibly to And
there Honoria paused, even in thought. Yet she
glanced at the young man riding beside her at
the handsome profile, still and set in outline, the
suggestion it was no more of
a scar running downward across the left cheek, at
the well-made, upright, broad-shouldered figure, and
then at the saddle, peaked, back and front, with oddly-shaped
appendages to it resembling old-fashioned holsters. And,
as yesterday upon the bridge, the ache of a pain at
once sweet and terrible laid hold of her, making her
queerly faint. The single street, sun-covered,
sleepy, empty save for a brewer’s dray and tax-cart
or two standing before the solid Georgian portals
of the White Lion Inn, for a straggling tail of children
bearing home small shoppings and jugs of supper
beer, for a flock of gray geese proceeding with suggestively
self-righteous demeanour along the very middle of the
roadway and lowering long necks to hiss defiance at
the passer-by, and for an old black retriever dozing
peacefully beneath one of the rustling sycamores in
front of Josiah Appleyard, the saddler’s shop all
these, as she looked at them, became uncertain in
outline, reeled before Honoria’s eyes.
For the moment she experienced a difficulty in keeping
steady in the saddle. But the horses still walked
quietly, neck to neck, their shadows, and those of
their riders growing longer, narrower, outstretched
before them as the sun declined in the west. All
the future hung in the balance, but the scale had
not turned as yet.
Then Richard’s voice took up its parable again.
“Perhaps it’s a rather
fraudulently comfortable doctrine, yet it does strike
one that the justification of disaster, in all its
many forms, is the opportunity it affords the individualist.
He may use it for self-aggrandisement, or for self-devotion though
I rather shy at so showy a word as that last.
However, the use he makes of it isn’t the point.
What is the point, to my mind at least, is this though
it doesn’t sound magnificent, it hardly indeed
sounds cleanly that whatever trade fails,
whatever profession, thanks to the advance of civilisation,
becomes obsolete, that of the man with the dust-cart,
of the scavenger, of the sweeper, won’t.”
Once more Richard smiled upon his
companion charmingly, yet with something of self-mockery.
“And so, you see, having knocked
about enough to grow careless of niceties of prejudice,
and to acquire immense admiration for any vocation
which promises permanence, I join hands with the dustman.
In the light of science, and in that of religion alike,
nothing really is common or unclean. And then then,
if you are outcasted in any case as some of us are,
it’s a little too transparently cheap to be afraid
of soiling ” He broke off. “Away
there to the left, Honoria,” he said. “You
see the house? The yellow-washed one, with the
gables and tiled roofs there, back on the
slope. Bagshaw, the Bond Street poulterer,
had it for years. His lease ran out in the spring,
and happily he didn’t care to renew. Had
bought himself an up-to-date, villa residence somewhere
in the suburbs Chistlehurst, I believe.
So I took the place over. It will do for a beginning the
small end of the wedge of my scavenger’s business.
There are over five acres of garden and orchard, and
plenty of rooms on each floor, which gives good range
for the disabled to move about in and the
stairs, only one flight, are easy. One has to
think of these details. And well, the
house commands a magnificent view of Clerke’s
Green, and the geese on it, than which nothing clearly
can be more exciting!”
The groom rode forward and opened
the gate. Before the square, outstanding porch
Richard drew up.
“I should like to come in with
you,” he said. “But you see it’s
rather a business getting off one’s horse, and
I can’t very well manage the stairs. So
I’ll wait about till you are ready. Don’t
hurry. I want you to see all the arrangements,
if it doesn’t bore you, and make suggestions.
The carpenters are there, doing overtime. They’ll
let you through if the caretaker’s out.”
Thus admonished, Miss St. Quentin
dismounted and made her way into the house. A
broad passage led straight through it. The open
door at the farther end disclosed a vista of box-edged
paths and flower-borders where, in gay ranks, stood
tall sunflowers, hollyhocks, Michaelmas-daisies, and
such like. Beyond was orchard, the round-headed
apple-trees, bright with polished fruit, rising from
a carpet of grass. The rooms, to left and right
of the passage, were pleasantly sun-warmed and mellow
of aspect, the ceilings of them crossed by massive
beams. Honoria visited them, dutifully observant.
She encountered the head carpenter, an acquaintance
and ally during those four years so great part of
which she had spent at Brockhurst. She talked
with him, making inquiries concerning wife, children
and trade, incident to such a meeting, her face very
serious all the while, the skirt of her habit gathered
up in one hand, her gait a trifle stiff and measured
owing to her high riding-boots. But, though she
acquitted herself in all kindliness of conversation,
though she conscientiously inspected each separate
apartment, and noted the cheerful comeliness of orchard
and garden, it must be owned all these remained singularly
distant from her actual emotion and thought.
She was glad to be alone. She was glad to be
away from Richard Calmady, though zealously obedient
to his wishes in respect of this inspection.
For his presence became increasingly oppressive from
the intensity of feeling it produced in her, and which
she was, at present, powerless to direct towards any
reasonable and definite end. This rendered her
tongue-tied, and, as she fancied, stupid. Her
unreadiness mortified her. She, usually indifferent
enough to the impression she produced on others, was
sensible of a keen desire to appear at her best.
She did in fact, so she believed, appear at her worst,
slow of understanding and of sympathy. But
then all the future hung in the balance. The
scale delayed to turn. And the strain of waiting
became agitating to the point of distress.
At last the course of her so-dutiful
survey brought her to a quaint, little chamber, situated
immediately over the square, outstanding porch.
It was lighted by a single, hooded window placed in
the centre of the front wall. It was evidently
designed for a linen room, and was in process of being
fitted with shelves and cupboards of white pine.
The floor was deep in shavings, long, curly, wafer-coloured,
semi-transparent. They rustled like fallen leaves
when Honoria stepped among them. The air was
filled with the odour of them, dry and resinous as
that of the fir forest. Ever after that odour
affected Honoria with a sense of half-fearful joy
and of impending fate. She stood in the middle
of the quaint, little chamber. The ceiling was
low. She had to bend her head to avoid violent
contact between the central beam of it and the crown
of her felt hat. But circumscribed though the
space, and uncomfortable though her posture, she had
an absurd longing to lock the door of the little room,
never to come out, to stay here forever! Here
she was safe. But outside, on the threshold, stood
something she dared not name. It drew her with
a pain at once terrible and lovely. She dreaded
it. Yet once close to it, once face to face with
it, she knew it would have her that it
would not take no for an answer. Her pride, her
chastity, were in arms. Was this, she wondered,
what men and women speak of so lightly, laugh and
joke about? Was this love? To her it
seemed wholly awe-inspiring. And so she clung
strangely to the shelter of the quaint, little room
with its sea of rustling, resinous shavings.
On the other side the door of it waited that momentous
decision which would cause the scale to turn.
Yet the minutes passed. To prolong her absence
became impossible.
Just then there was a movement below,
a crunching of the gravel, as though of a horse growing
restless, impatient of standing. Honoria moved
forward, opened the window, pushing back the casement
against a cluster of late-blossoming, red roses, the
petals of which floated slowly downward describing
fluttering circles. Richard Calmady was just
below. Honoria called to him.
“I am coming, Richard, I am coming!” she
said.
He turned in the saddle and looked
up at her smiling a smile at once courageous
and resigned. Yet, notwithstanding that smile,
Honoria once again discovered in his eyes the chill
desolation and homelessness of the sky of the winter
night. Then the scale turned, turned at last for
that same lovely pain grew lovelier, more desirable
than any possibility of ease, until such time as that
desolation should pass, that homelessness be cradled
to content in some sure harbourage. Here
was the thing given her to do, and she must do it!
She would risk all to win all. And, with that
decision, all her serenity and freedom of soul returned.
The white light of a noble self-devotion, reckless
of self-spending, reckless of consequence, the joy
of a great giving, illuminated her face.
As to Richard, he, looking up at her,
though ignorant of her purpose, misreading the cause
of that inspired aspect, still thought he had never
witnessed so graciously gallant a sight. The nymph
whom he had first known, who had baffled and crossed
him, was here still, strong, untamed, elusive, remote.
But a woman was here too, of finest fibre, faithful
and loyal, capable of undying tenderness, of an all-encircling
and heroic love. Then the desires of the natural
man stirred somewhat in Richard, just because paradox
though it undoubtedly was she provoked
less the carnal, perishing passion of the flesh, than
the pure and imperishable passion of the spirit.
Irrepressible envy of Ludovic Quayle, her lover, seized
him, irrepressible demand for just all those things
which that other Richard, the would-be saint, had so
sternly condemned himself to repudiate, to cast aside
and forget. And the would-be saint triumphed beating
down thought of all that, trampling it under foot so
that after briefest interval he called up to her cheerily
enough.
“Well, what do you make of the
dust-cart? Rather fascinating, isn’t it?
Notwithstanding its uncleanly name, it’s really
rather sweet.”
To which she answered, speaking from
out the wide background of her own emotion and purpose:
“Yes, yes it’s
sad in a way, Richard, penetratingly, splendidly sad.
But one wouldn’t have it otherwise; for it is
splendid, and it is sweet, abundantly sweet.” Then
her tone changed. “I won’t keep
you waiting any longer, I’m coming,” she
said.
Honoria looked round the quaint, little
room, with its half-adjusted shelves and cupboards,
the floor of it deep in resinous, semi-transparent,
wafer-coloured shavings, bidding it adieu. For
good or evil, happiness or sorrow, she was sensible
it told for much in her life’s history.
Then, something delicately militant in her carriage,
she swung away down-stairs and out of the house.
She was going forth to war indeed, to a war which
in no shape or form had she ever waged as yet.
Many men had wooed her, and their wooing had left her
cold. She had never wooed any man. Why should
she? To her no man had ever mattered one little
bit.
So she mounted, and they rode away. A
spin across the level turf to hearten her up, satisfy
the fulness of sensation which held her, and shake
her nerves into place. It was exhilarating.
She grew keen and tense, her whole economy becoming
reliable and well-knit by the strong exercise and
sense of the superbly healthy and unperplexed vitality
of the horse under her. Honoria could have fought
with dragons just then, had such been there to fight
with! But, in point of fact, nothing more agressively
dangerous presented itself for encounter than the shallow
ford which divides the parish of Farley from that of
Sandyfield and the tithing of Brockhurst. Snorting
a little, the horses splashed through the clear, brown
water and entered upon the rough, rutted road, grass
grown in places, which, ending beneath a broken avenue
of ancient, stag-headed oaks, leads to the entrance
of the Brockhurst woods. These, crowned by the
dark, ragged line of the fir forest, rose in a soft,
dense mass against the western sky, in which showed
promise of a fair pageant of sunset. A covey
of partridges ran up the sandy ruts before the horses,
and, rising at last with a long-drawn whir of wings,
skimmed the top of the crumbling bank and dropped in
the stubble-field on the right. A pause, while
the keeper’s wife ran out to open the white
gate, the dogs meanwhile, from their wooden
kennels under the Spanish chestnuts upon the hillock
behind the lodge, pulling at their chains and keeping
up a vociferous chorus. Thus heralded, the riders
passed into the mysteriously whispering quiet of the
great woods.
The heavy, summer foliage remained
as yet untouched by the hectic of autumn. Diversity
was observable in form rather than in tint, and from
this resulted a remarkable effect of unity, a singleness
of intention, and of far-reaching secrecy. The
multitudinous leaves and the all-pervading green gloom
of them around, above, seemed to engulf horses and
riders. It was as though they rode across the
floor of ocean, the green tides sweeping overhead.
Yet the trees of the wood asserted their intelligent
presence now and again. Audibly they talked together,
bent themselves a little to listen and to look, as
though curious of the aspect and purposes of these
wandering mortals. And all this, the unity and
secrecy of the place, affected both Richard and Honoria
strangely, circling them about with something of earth-magic,
removing them far from ordinary conditions of social
intercourse, and thus rendering it possible, inevitable
even, that they should think such thoughts and say
such words as part company with subterfuge and concealment,
go naked, and speak uttermost truth. For, with
only the trees of the wood to listen, with that sibilant
whisper of the green tide overhead, with strong emotion
compelling them in the one case towards
death of self, in the other towards giving of self in
the one towards austere passivity, in the other towards
activity taxing all capital of pride, of delicacy,
and of tact developments became imminent,
and those of the most vital sort.
The conversation had been broken,
desultory; but now, by tacit consent, the pace became
quiet again, the horses were permitted to walk.
To have gone other than softly through the living
heart of the greenwood must have savoured of desecration.
Yet Richard was not insensible to a certain danger.
He tried, rousing himself to conversation, to rouse
himself also to the practical and commonplace.
“I am glad you liked my house,”
he said. “But I hear the aristocracy of
the Row laments. It shies at the idea of being
invaded by more or less frightful creatures.
But I remain deaf. I really can’t bother
about that. It is so immeasurably more unpleasant
to be frightful than to see that which is so, that
I’m afraid my sympathies remain rather pig-headedly
one-sided. I propose to educate the Row in the
grace of pity. It may lay up merit by due exercise
of that.”
Richard took off his hat and rode
bareheaded, looking away into the delicious, green
gloom. Here, where the wood was thickest, oak
and beech shutting out the sky, clasping hands overhead,
the ground beneath them deep in moss and fern, that
gloom was precisely like the colour of Honoria’s
eyes. He wished it wasn’t so. He tried
to forget it. But the resemblance haunted him.
Look where he might, still he seemed to look into
those singular and charming eyes. He talked on
determinedly, putting a force upon himself too
often saying that which, no sooner was it out of his
mouth, than, he wished unsaid.
“I don’t want to be too
hard on the Row, though. It has a right, after
all, to its little prejudices. Only you see for
those who, poor souls, are different to other people
it becomes of such supreme importance to keep in touch
with the average. I have found that out in practice.
And so I refuse to shut my waste humanity away.
They must neither hide themselves nor be hidden, be
spared seeing how much other people enjoy from which
they are debarred, or grow over-conscious of their
own ungainliness. That is why I’ve planted
them and their gardens, and their pigs and their poultry we’ll
have a lot of live stock, a second generation, even
of chickens, offers remarkable consolations! on
the highroad, at the entrance of the little town,
where, on a small scale at all events, they’ll
see the world that’s straight-backed and has
its proper complement of limbs and senses, go by.
Envy, hatred, and malice, and the seven devils of
morbidity are forever lying in wait for them well for
us for me and those like me, I mean.
In proportion as one’s brought up tenderly as
I was one doesn’t realise the deprivation
and disgust of one’s condition at the start.
But once realised, one’s inclination is to kill.
At least a man’s is. A woman may accept
it more quietly, I suppose.”
“Richard,” Honoria said
slowly, “are you sure you don’t greatly
exaggerate all all that?”
He shook his head.
“Thirty years’ experience no,
I don’t exaggerate! Each time one makes
a fresh acquaintance, each time a pretty woman is just
that bit kinder to one than she would dare be to any
man who was not out of it, each time people are manifestly
interested politely, of course and
form a circle, make room for one as they did at that
particularly disagreeable Grimshott garden party yesterday,
each time I don’t want to drivel,
but so it is one sees a pair of lovers oh!
well, it’s not easy to retain one’s philosophy,
not to obey the primitive instincts of any animal
when it’s ill-used and hurt, and to revenge oneself to
want to kill, in short.”
“You you don’t
hate women, then?” Honoria said, still slowly.
Richard stared at her for a moment.
“Hate them?” he said. “I only
wish to goodness I did.”
“But in that case,” she began bravely,
“why ”
“This is why,” he broke
in. “You may remember my engagement
to Lady Constance Quayle, and the part you, very properly,
took in the canceling of it? You know better
than I do though my imagination is pretty
fertile in dealing with the situation what
instincts and feelings prompted you to take that part.”
The young lady turned to him, her
arms outstretched, notwithstanding bridle-reins and
whip, her face, and those strange eyes which seemed
so integral a part of the fair green-wood, full of
sorrowful entreaty and distress.
“Richard, Richard,” she
cried, “will you never forgive me that?
She didn’t love you. It was horrible, yet
in doing that which I did, I believed I
believe so still I did what was right by
you both.”
“Undoubtedly you did right and
that justifies my contention. In doing that which
you did you gave voice to the opinion of all wholesome-minded
people. That’s exactly where it is.
You felt the whole business to be outrageous.
So it was. I heartily agree.” He
paused, and the trees talked softly together, bending
down a little to listen and to look. “As
you say, she wasn’t in love. Poor child,
how could she be? No woman ever will be at
least not in love of the nobler sort of
the sort which, if one cannot have it, one had a vast
deal better have no love at all.”
“But I am not so sure of that,”
Honoria said stoutly. “You rush to conclusions.
Isn’t it rather a reflection on all the rest
of us to take little Lady Constance as the measure
of the insight and sensibility of the whole sex?
And then she had already lost all her innocent, little
heart to Captain Decies. Indeed you’re not
fair to us. Wait ”
“Like Ludovic Quayle?”
Miss St. Quentin straightened herself in the saddle.
“Oh! dear no, not the least like Ludovic Quayle!”
she said.
Which enigmatic reply produced silence
for a while on Dickie’s part. For there
were various ways in which it might be interpreted,
some flattering, some eminently unflattering, to himself.
And from every point of view it was wisest to accept
that last form of interpretation. The whole conversation
had been perilous in character. It had been too
intimate, had touched him too nearly, taking place
here in the clear glooms of the green-wood moreover
which bore such haunting kinship to those singularly
sincere, and yet mysterious, eyes. It is dangerous
to ride across the floor of ocean with the whispering
tide sweeping overhead, and in such gallant company,
besides, that to ride thus forever could hardly come
amiss! Richard, in his turn, straightened
himself up in the saddle, opened his chest, taking
a long breath, carried his head high, said a stern
“get thee behind me, Satan,” to encroaching
sentiment and emotion, and to those fair visions which
his companion’s presence and her somewhat daring
talk had conjured up. He defied the earth-magic,
defied those sylvan deities who as he divined, sought
to enthral him. For the moment he confounded Honoria’s
influence with theirs. It was something of a
battle, and not the first one he had fought to-day.
For the great, white road which leads onward to Perfection
looked dusty and arid enough no reposeful
shadow, no mystery, no beguiling green glooms over
it! Stark, straight, hard, it stretched on endlessly,
as it seemed, ahead. To travel it was slow and
tedious work, in any case; and to travel it on crutches! But
it was worse than useless to play with such thoughts
as these. He would put a stop to this disintegrating
talk. He turned to Honoria and spoke lightly,
with a return of self-mockery.
“Oh! your first instinct was
the true one, depend upon it,” he said.
“Though I don’t deny it contributed, indirectly,
to giving me a pretty rough time.”
“Oh! dear me!” Honoria
cried, almost piteously. Then she added: “But
I don’t see, why was that?”
“Because, I suppose, I had a
sort of unwilling belief in you,” he said, smiling. Oh!
this accursed conversation, why would it insistently
drift back into intimacy thus!
“Have I justified that belief?”
she asked, with a certain pride yet a certain eagerness.
“More than justified it,”
Dickie answered. “My mother, who has a
touchstone for all that is of high worth, knew you
from the first. Like the devils, I I
believed and trembled at least that is how
I see it all now. So your action came as a rather
searching revelation and condemnation. When I
perceived all that it involved oh, well!
first I went to the dogs, and then ”
The horses walked side by side.
Honoria stretched out her hand impulsively, laid it
on his arm.
“Richard, Richard, for pity’s
sake don’t! You hurt me too much. It’s
terrible to have been the cause of such suffering.”
“You weren’t the cause,”
he said. “Lies were the cause, behind which,
like a fool, I’d tried to shelter myself.
You’ve been right, Honoria, from first to last.
What does it matter after all? Don’t
take it to heart. For it’s over now all
over, thank God, and I have got back into normal relations
with things and with people.” He looked
at her very charmingly, and spoke with a fine courtesy
of tone. “One way and another you
have taught me a lot, and I am grateful. And,
in the future, though the conditions will be altered,
I hope you’ll come back here often, Honoria,
and just see for yourself that my mother is content;
and give my schemes and fads a kindly look in at the
same time. And perhaps give me a trifle of sound
advice. I shall need it safe enough. You
see what I want to get at is temperance temperance
all round, towards everything and everybody not
fanaticism, which, in some respects, is a much easier
attitute of mind.”
Richard looked up into the whispering,
green tide overhead.
“Yes, one must deny oneself
the luxury of fanaticism, if possible,” he said,
“deny oneself the vanity of eccentricity.
One must take everything simply, just in the day’s
work. One must keep in touch. Keep in touch
with your world, the great world, the world which cultivates
pleasure and incidentally makes history, as well as
with the world of the dust-cart I know
that well enough if one’s to be quite
sane. You see loneliness, a loneliness of which
I am thankful to think you can form no conception,
is the curse of persons like myself. It inclines
one to hide, to sulk, to shut oneself away and become
misanthropic. To hug one’s misery becomes
one’s chiefest pleasure to nurse one’s
grief, one’s sense of injury. Oh!
I’m wary, very wary now, I tell you,” he
added, half laughing. “I know all the insidious
temptations, the tricks and frauds, and pitfalls of
this affair. And so I’ll continue to go
to Grimshott garden parties as discipline now and
then, while I gather my disabled and decrepit family
very closely about me and say words of wisdom to it wisdom
derived from a mature and extensive personal experience.”
There was a pause before Miss St.
Quentin spoke. Then she said slowly.
“And you refuse to let any one
help? You, you refuse to let any one share the
cares of that disabled family?”
Again Dickie stared at her, arrested
by her speech and doubtful of the intention of it.
He could have sworn there were tears in her voice,
that it trembled. But her face was averted, and
he could see no more than the slightly angular outline
of her cheek and chin.
“Isn’t that a rather superfluous
question?” he remarked. “As you pointed
out a little while ago, mine is not a super-abundantly
cheerful programme. No one would volunteer for
such service at least no one likely to
be acceptable to my mother, or indeed likely to satisfy
my own requirements. I admit, I’m a little
fastidious, a little critical and exacting, when it
comes to close quarters and well permanent
association, even yet.”
“I am very glad to hear that,”
Honoria said. Her face remained averted, but
there was a change in her attitude, a decision in the
pose of her figure, suggestive both of challenge and
of triumph.
Richard was nonplussed, but his blood
was up. This conversation had gone far enough indeed
too far. Very certainly he would make an end of
it.
“But God forbid,” he exclaimed,
“that I should ever fall to such a depth of
selfishness as to invite any person who would satisfy
my taste, my demands, to share my life! I mayn’t
amount to very much, but at least I have never used
my personal ill luck to trade on a woman’s generosity
and pity. What I have had from women, I’ve
paid for, in hard cash. In that respect my conscience
is clear. It has been a bargain, fair and square
and above board, and all my debts are settled in full.
You hardly think at this time of day I should use my
proposed schemes of philanthropy as a bait?”
Richard sent his horse forward at a sharp trot.
“No, no, Honoria,” he
said, “let it be understood that side of things
is over forever.”
But here came relief from the green
glooms of the green-wood and the dangerous magic of
them. For the riders had reached the summit of
the hill, and entered upon the levels of the great
table-land at the head of which Brockhurst House stands.
Here was the open, the fresh breeze, the long-drawn,
sighing song of the fir forest a song more
austere, more courageous, more virile, than ever sung
by the trees of the wood which drop their leaves for
fear of the sharp-toothed winter, and only put them
forth again beneath the kisses of soft-lipped spring.
Covering all the western sky were lines of softly-rounded,
broken cloud, rank behind rank, in endless perspective,
the whole shaped like a mighty fan. The under
side of them was flushed with living rose. The
clear spaces behind them paved with sapphire at the
zenith, and palest topaz where they skirted the far
horizon.
“How very beautiful it is!”
Honoria cried, joyously. “Richard let us
see this.”
She turned her horse at the green
ride which leads to the white Temple situate on that
outstanding spur of hill. She rode on quickly
till she reached the platform of turf before the Temple.
Richard followed her with deliberation. He was
shaken. His calm was broken up, his whole being
in tumult. Why had she pressed just all those
matters home on him which he had agreed with himself
to cast aside and forget? It was a little cruel,
surely, that temptation should assail him thus, and
the white road towards Perfection be made so difficult
to tread, just when he had re-dedicated himself and
renewed his vows? He looked after her. It
was here he had met her first, after the time when,
as a little maid, she had proved too swift of foot,
leaving him so far behind that it sorely hurt his
baby dignity and caused him to see her depart without
regret. She was still swift of foot. She
left him behind now. For the moment he was ready
to swear that, not only without regret, but with actual
thankfulness he could again witness her departure. Yes,
he wanted her to go, because he so desperately wanted
her to stay that was the truth. For
not only Dickie the natural man, but Dickie “the
wild bull in a net,” had a word to say just then. God
in heaven, what hard work it is to be good!
Miss St. Quentin kicked her left foot
out of the stirrup, threw her right leg over the pommel,
turned, and slipped straight out of the saddle.
She stood there a somewhat severely tall, dark figure,
strong and positive in effect, against the immense
and reposeful landscape far-ranging, purple
distance, golden harvest-fields, silver glint of water
in the hollows, all the massive grandeur of the woods,
and that superb pageant of sunset sky.
The groom rode forward, took her horse,
led it away to the far side of the grass platform
behind the Temple. Those ranks of rosy cloud in
infinite perspective, with spaces of clearest topaz
and sapphire light between, converged to the glowing
glory of the sun, the rim of which now touched the
margin of the world. They were as ranks of worshippers,
of blessed souls redeemed and sainted, united by a
common act of adoration, every form clothed by reflection
of His glory, every heart, every thought centred upon
God. Richard looked at all that, but it
failed to speak to him. Then he saw Honoria resolutely
turn her back upon the glory. She came directly
towards him. Her face was very thin, her manner
very calm. She laid her left hand on the peak
of his saddle. She looked him full in the eyes.
“Richard,” she said, “be
patient a minute and listen. It comes to
this, that a woman your equal in position,
of your own age, and not without money does
volunteer to share your work. It’s no forlorn
hope. She is not disappointed. On the contrary
she has, and can have, pretty well all the world’s
got to give. Only perhaps very foolishly,
for she doesn’t know much about the matter,
having been rather coldblooded as yet she
has fallen in love.”
There was a silence, save that the
wind came out of the west, out of the majesty of the
sunset, and with it came the calling of the sea not
only of the blue water, or of those green tides that
sweep above wandering mortals in the magic green-wood;
but of the sea of faith, of the sea of love love
human, love divine, love universal which
circles not only this, but all possible states of
being, all possible worlds.
Presently Richard spoke hoarsely, under his breath.
“With whom?” he said.
“With you ”
Dickie went white to the lips.
He sat absolutely still for a little space, his hands
resting on his thighs.
“Tell her to think,” he
said, at last. “She proposes to do
that which the world will condemn, and rightly, from
its point of view. It will misread her motives.
It won’t spare disagreeable comment. Tell
her to think. Tell tell her
to look. Cripple, dwarf, the last, as he
ought to be, of an unlucky race a man who’s
carried up and down-stairs like an infant, who’s
strapped to the saddle, strapped to the driving seat who
is cut off from most forms of activity and of sport. A
man who will never have any sort of career who
has given himself, in expiation of past sins, to the
service of human beings a degree more unfortunate
than himself. No, no, stop hear
me out. She must know it all! A
man who has lived far from cleanly, who has evil memories
and evil knowledge of life no listen! A
man whom you, yes, you yourself, Honoria, have
condemned bitterly, from whom, notwithstanding your
splendid nerve and pluck, so repulsive is his deformity,
you have shrunk a hundred times.”
“She has thought of all that,”
Honoria answered calmly. “But she has thought
of this too, that, going up and down the
world to find the most excellent thing in it, she
has found this thing, love. And so to her, Richard,
your crippling has come to be dearer than any other
man’s wholeness. Your wrong-doings may
God forgive her dearer than any other man’s
virtue. Your virtues so wholly beautiful that that ”
The tears came into her eyes, her
lips quivered, she backed away a little from rider
and horse.
“Richard,” she cried fiercely,
“if you don’t care for me, if you don’t
want me, be honourable, tell me so straight out and
let us have done with it! I am strong enough,
I am man enough, for that. For heaven’s
sake don’t take me out of pity. I would
never forgive you. There’s a good deal
of us both, one way and another, and we should give
each other a hell of a time if I was in love and you
were not. But” she put her hand
on the peak of that very ugly saddle again “but,
if you do care, here I am. I have never failed
any one yet. I will never fail you. I am
yours body and soul. Marry me,” she said.