Mildred had had no desire to spend
her vacations with Lady Thomson, and on the ground
of her reading for the Schools, had been allowed to
spend them in Oxford. Tims, who had no relations,
remained with her. She had for Mildred a sentiment
almost like that of a parent, besides an admiration
for which she was slightly ashamed, feeling it to be
something of a slur on the memory of Milly, her first
and kindest friend.
Mildred had recovered her memory for
most things, but the facts of her former life were
still a blank to her. She had begun to work for
her First in order to evade Aunt Beatrice; but the
fever of it grew upon her, either from the ambient
air of the University or from a native passion to
excel in all she did. Her teachers were bewildered
by the mental change in Miss Flaxman. The qualities
of intellectual swiftness, vigor, pliancy, whose absence
they had once noted in her, became, on the contrary,
conspicuously hers. Once initiated into the tricks
of the “Great Essay” style, she could
use it with a dexterity strangely in contrast with
the flat and fumbling manner in which poor Milly had
been wont to express her ideas. But in the region
of actual knowledge, she now and again perpetrated
some immense and childish blunder, which made the
teachers, who nursed and trained her like a jockey
or a race-horse, tremble for the results of the Greats
Examination.
All too swiftly the date of the Schools
loomed on the horizon; drew near; was come. The
June weather was glorious on the river, but in the
town, above all in the Examination Schools, it was
very hot. The sun glared pitilessly in through
the great windows of the big T-shaped room, till the
temperature was that of a greenhouse. The young
men in their black coats and white ties looked enviously
at the girl candidate, the only one, in her white
waist and light skirt. They envied her, too, her
apparent indifference to a crisis that paled the masculine
cheek. In fact, Mildred was nervous, but her
nerves were strung up to so high a pitch that she
was sensitive neither to temperature nor to fatigue,
nor to want of sleep. And at the service of her
quick intelligence and ready pen lay all the stored
knowledge of Milly the First.
On the last day, when the last paper
was over, Tims came and found her in the big hall,
planting the pins in her hat with an almost feverish
energy. Although it was five o’clock, she
said she wanted air, not tea. The last men had
trooped listlessly down the steps of the Schools and
the two girls stood there while Mildred drew on her
gloves. The sun wearing to the northwest, shone
down that curve of the High Street which all Europe
cannot match. The slanting gold illumined the
gray face of the University and the wide pavement,
where the black-gowned victims of the Schools threaded
their sombre way through groups of joyous youths in
flannels and ladies in summer attire. On the opposite
side cool shadows were beginning to invade the sunshine,
to slant across the old houses, straight-roofed or
gabled, the paladian pile of Queen’s, the mediaeval
front of All Souls, with its single and perfect green
tree, leading up to the consummation of the great
spire of St. Mary’s.
Already, from the tall bulk of the
nave, a shadow fell broad across the pavement.
But still the heat of the day reverberated from the
stones about them. They turned down to the Botanical
Gardens and paced that gray enclosure, full of the
pride of branches and the glory of flowers and overhung
by the soaring vision of Magdalen Tower. Mildred
was walking fast and talking volubly about the Examination
and everything else.
“Look here, old girl,”
said Tims at last, when they reached for the second
time the seat under the willow trellis, “I’m
going to sit down here, unless you’ll come to
tea at Boffin’s.”
“I don’t want to sit down,”
returned Mildred, seating herself; “or to have
tea or anything. I want to be just going, going,
going. I feel as though if I stop for a minute
something horrid will happen.”
Tims wrinkled her whole face anxiously.
“Don’t do that, Tims,” cried Mildred,
sharply. “You look hideous.”
Tims colored, rose and walked away.
She suddenly thought, with tears in her eyes, of the
old Milly who would never have spoken to her like
that. By the time she had reached the little basin
in the middle of the garden, where the irises grew,
Mildred had caught her up.
“Tims, dear old Tims! What
a wretch I am! I couldn’t help letting off
steam on something you don’t know
what I feel like.”
Tims allowed herself to be pacified,
but in her heart there remained a yearning for her
earlier and gentler friend that Milly Flaxman
who was certainly not dead, yet as certainly gone
out of existence.
It was towards the end of the last
week of Term, and the gayeties of Commemoration had
already begun. Mildred threw herself into them
with feverish enjoyment. She seemed to grudge
even the hours that must be lost in the unconsciousness
of sleep. The Iretons, cousins from India, who
had never known the former Milly, took a house in Oxford
for a week. She went with them to three College
balls and a Masonic, and spent the days in a carnival
of luncheon and boating-parties. She attracted
plenty of admiration, and enjoyed herself wildly,
yet also purposefully; because she was trying to get
rid of that haunting feeling that if she stopped a
minute “something horrid would happen.”
Stewart meantime was finding love
not so entirely beautiful and delightful a thing as
he had at first imagined it. In his dreamy way
he had overlooked the fact of Commemoration, and planned
when Term was over to find Mildred constantly at the
Fletchers’ and to be able to arrange quiet days
on the river. But if he found her there, she was
always in company, and though she made herself as
charming to him as usual, she showed no disposition
to forsake all others and cleave only to him.
He was not a dancing man, and suffered cruelly on
the evenings when he knew her to be at balls, and
fancied all her partners in love with her.
But on the Thursday after Commemoration,
the Fletchers gave a strawberry tea at Wytham, as
a farewell festivity to their cousins. And Ian
Stewart was there. With Mrs. Fletcher’s
connivance, he took Mildred home alone in a canoe,
by the deep and devious stream which runs under Wytham
woods. She went on talking with a vivacious gayety
which was almost foolish. He saw that it was
unreal and that her nerves were at high tension.
His own were also. He did not intend to propose
to her that day; but he could no longer restrain himself,
and he began to speak to her of his love.
“Hush!” she cried, with
a vehement gesture. “Not to-day! oh, not
to-day! I can’t bear it!” She put
her head on her knee and moaned again, “Not
to-day, I’m too tired, I really am. I can’t
bear it.”
This was all the answer he could get,
and her manner left him in complete uncertainty as
to whether she meant to accept or to refuse him.
Tims had been at the strawberry tea
too, and came into Mildred’s room in the evening,
curious to know what had happened. She found Mildred
without a light, sitting, or rather lying in a wicker
chair. When the candle was lighted she saw that
Mildred was very pale and shivering.
“You’re overtired, my
girl,” she said. “That’s what’s
the matter with you.”
“Oh, Tims,” moaned Mildred.
“I feel so ill and so frightened. I know
something horrid’s going to happen I
know it is.”
“Don’t be a donkey,”
returned Tims. “I’ll help you undress
and then you turn in. You’ll be as jolly
as a sandboy to-morrow.”
But Mildred was crying tremulously.
“Oh, Tims, how dreadful it would be to die!”
“Idiot!” cried Tims, and
shook Mildred with all her might. Mildred’s
tiny sobs turned into a shriek of laughter.
“My goodness!” ejaculated Tims; “you’re
in hysterics!”
“I know I am,” gasped
Mildred. “I was laughing to think of what
Aunt Beatrice would say.” And she giggled
amid her tears.
Tims insisted on her rising from the
chair, undressing, and getting into bed. Then
she sat by her in the half-dark, waiting for the miserable
tears to leave off.
“Don’t cry, old girl,
don’t cry. Go to sleep and forget all about
it,” she kept repeating, almost mechanically.
At length leaning over the bed she
saw that Mildred was asleep, lying straight on her
bed with her feet crossed and her hands laid on her
bosom.