In my heaven-uplifted dream, I thought
I saw a circular spacious garden in which all the
lovely landscapes of a superior world appeared to form
themselves by swift degrees.
The longer I looked
at it, the more beautiful it became, and a little
star shone above it like a sun.
Trees and flowers
sprang up under my gaze, and all stretched themselves
towards me, as though for protection.
Birds flew
about and sang; some of them tried to get as near
as possible to the little sun they saw; and other
living creatures began to move about in the shadows
of the groves, and on the fresh green grass.
All the wonderful workings of Nature, as known to
us in the world, took place over again in this garden,
which seemed somehow to belong to me; and I watched
everything with a certain satisfaction and delight.
Then the idea came to me that the place would be fairer
if there were either men or angels to inhabit it;
and quick as light a whisper came to me:
“Create!”
And I thought in my dream that by
the mere desire of my being, expressed in waves of
electric warmth that floated downwards from me to
the earth I possessed, my garden was suddenly filled
with men, women and children, each of whom had a small
portion of myself in them, inasmuch as it was I who
made them move and talk and occupy themselves in all
manner of amusements.
Many of them knelt down
to me and prayed, and offered thanksgivings for having
been created; but some of them went instead to the
little star, which they called a sun, and thanked
that, and prayed to that instead.
Then others
went and cut down the trees in the garden, and dug
up stones, and built themselves little cities, where
they all dwelt together like flocks of sheep, and ate
and drank and made merry with the things I had given
them.
Then I thought that I increased their intelligence
and quickness of perception, and by-and-by they grew
so proud that they forgot everything but themselves.
They ceased to remember how they were created, and
they cared no more to offer praises to their little
sun that through me gave them light and heat.
But because something of my essence still was in them,
they always instinctively sought to worship a superior
creature to themselves; and puzzling themselves in
their folly, they made hideous images of wood and
clay, unlike anything in heaven or earth, and offered
sacrifices and prayer to these lifeless puppets instead
of to me.
Then I turned away my eyes in sorrow
and pity, but never in anger; for I could not be wrathful
with these children of my own creation.
And when
I thus turned away my eyes, all manner of evil came
upon the once fair scene pestilence and
storm, disease and vice.
A dark shadow stole
between my little world and me the shadow
of the people’s own wickedness.
And as
every delicate fibre of my spiritual being repelled
evil by the necessity of the pure light in which I
dwelt serene.
I waited patiently for the mists
to clear, so that I might again behold the beauty
of my garden.
Suddenly a soft clamour smote upon
my sense of hearing, and a slender stream of light,
like a connecting ray, seemed to be flung upwards
through the darkness that hid me from the people I
had created and loved.
I knew the sound it
was the mingled music of the prayers of children.
An infinite pity and pleasure touched me, my being
thrilled with love and tenderness; and yielding to
these little ones who asked me for protection, I turned
my eyes again towards the garden I had designed for
fairness and pleasure.
But alas! how changed
it had become!
No longer fresh and sweet, the
people had turned it into a wilderness; they had divided
it into small portions, and in so doing had divided
themselves into separate companies called nations,
all of whom fought with each other fiercely for their
different little parterres or flower-beds.
Some haggled and talked incessantly over the mere
possession of a stone which they called a rock; others
busied themselves in digging a little yellow metal
out of the earth, which, when once obtained, seemed
to make the owners of it mad, for they straightway
forgot everything else.
As I looked, the darkness
between me and my creation grew denser, and was only
pierced at last by those long wide shafts of radiance
caused by the innocent prayers of those who still
remembered me.
And I was full of regret, for
I saw my people wandering hither and thither, restless
and dissatisfied, perplexed by their own errors, and
caring nothing for the love I bore them.
Then
some of them advanced and began to question why they
had been created, forgetting completely how their lives
had been originally designed by me for happiness,
love and wisdom.
Then they accused me of the
existence of evil, refusing to see that where there
is light there is also darkness, and that darkness
is the rival force of the Universe, whence cometh
silently the Unnamable Oblivion of Souls.
They
could not see, my self-willed children, that they had
of their own desire sought the darkness and found
it; and now, because it gloomed above them like a
pall, they refused to believe in the light where still
I was loving and striving to attract them still.
Yet it was not all darkness, and I knew that even
what there was might be repelled and cleared away
if only my people would turn towards me once more.
So I sent down upon them all possible blessings some
they rejected angrily, some they snatched at and threw
away again, as though they were poor and trivial none
of them were they thankful for, and none did they
desire to keep.
And the darkness above them deepened,
while my anxious pity and love for them increased.
For how could I turn altogether away from them, as
long as but a few remembered me?
There were some
of these weak children of mine who loved and honoured
me so well that they absorbed some of my light into
themselves, and became heroes, poets, musicians, teachers
of high and noble thought, and unselfish, devoted
martyrs for the sake of the reverence they bore me.
There were women pure and sweet, who wore their existence
as innocently as lilies, and who turned to me to seek
protection, not for themselves, but for those they
loved.
There were little children, whose asking
voices were like waves of delicious music to my being,
and for whom I had a surpassing tenderness.
And
yet all these were a mere handful compared to the
numbers who denied my existence, and who had wilfully
crushed out and repelled every spark of my essence
in themselves.
And as I contemplated this, the
voice I had heard at the commencement of my dream
rushed towards me like a mighty wind broken through
by thunder:
“Destroy!”
A great pity and love possessed me.
In deep awe, yet solemn earnestness, I pleaded with
that vast commanding voice.
“Bid me not destroy!”
I implored.
“Command me not to disperse
into nothingness these children of my fancy, some
of whom yet love and trust to me for safety.
Let me strive once more to bring them out of their
darkness into the light to bring them to
the happiness I designed them to enjoy.
They
have not all forgotten me let me give them
more time for thought and recollection!”
Again the great voice shook the air:
“They love darkness rather than
light; they love the perishable earth of which they
are in part composed, better than the germ of immortality
with which they were in the beginning endowed.
This garden of thine is but a caprice of thy intelligence;
the creatures that inhabit it are soulless and unworthy,
and are an offence to that indestructible radiance
of which thou art one ray.
Therefore I say unto
thee again destroy!”
My yearning love grew stronger, and
I pleaded with renewed force.
“Oh, thou Unseen Glory!”
I cried; “thou who hast filled me with this
emotion of love and pity which permeates and supports
my existence, how canst thou bid me take this sudden
revenge upon my frail creation!
No caprice was
it that caused me to design it; nothing but a thought
of love and a desire of beauty.
Even yet I will
fulfil my plan even yet shall these erring
children of mine return to me in time, with patience.
While one of them still lifts a hand in prayer to me,
or gratitude, I cannot destroy!
Bid me rather
sink into the darkness of the uttermost deep of shadow;
only let me save these feeble little ones from destruction!”
The voice replied not.
A flashing
opal brilliancy shot across the light in which I rested,
and I beheld an Angel, grand, lofty, majestic, with
a countenance in which shone the lustre of a myriad
summer mornings.
“Spirit that art escaped from
the Sorrowful Star,” it said in accents clear
and sonorous, “wouldst thou indeed be content
to suffer the loss of heavenly joy and peace, in order
to rescue thy perishing creation?”
“I would!” I answered;
“if I understood death, I would die to save one
of those frail creatures, who seek to know me and yet
cannot find me through the darkness they have brought
upon themselves.”
“To die,” said the Angel,
“to understand death, thou wouldst need to become
one of them, to take upon thyself their form to
imprison all that brilliancy of which thou art now
composed, into a mean and common case of clay; and
even if thou couldst accomplish this, would thy children
know thee or receive thee?”
“Nay, but if I could suffer
shame by them,” I cried impetuously, “I
could not suffer sin.
My being would be incapable
of error, and I would show these creatures of mine
the bliss of purity, the joy of wisdom, the ecstasy
of light, the certainty of immortality, if they followed
me.
And then I would die to show them death is
easy, and that in dying they would come to me and
find their happiness for ever!”
The stature of the Angel grew more
lofty and magnificent, and its star-like eyes flashed
fire.
“Then, oh thou wanderer from
the Earth!” it said, “understandest thou
not the Christ?”
A deep awe trembled through me.
Meanwhile the garden I had thought a world appeared
to roll up like a cloudy scroll, and vanished, and
I knew that it had been a vision, and no more.
“Oh doubting and foolish Spirit!”
went on the Angel “thou who art but
one point of living light in the Supreme Radiance,
even thou wouldst consent to immure thyself in
the darkness of mortality for sake of thy fancied
creation!
Even thou wouldst submit to suffer
and to die, in order to show the frail children of
thy dream a purely sinless and spiritual example!
Even thou hast had the courage to plead with the
One All-Sufficing Voice against the destruction of
what to thee was but a mirage floating in this ether!
Even thou hast had love, forgiveness, pity!
Even thou wouldst be willing to dwell among the
creatures of thy fancy as one of them, knowing in
thy inner self that by so doing, thy spiritual presence
would have marked thy little world for ever as sanctified
and impossible to destroy.
Even thou wouldst
sacrifice a glory to answer a child’s prayer even
thou wouldst have patience!
And yet thou hast
dared to deny to God those attributes which thou thyself
dost possess He is so great and vast thou
so small and slight!
For the love thou feelest
throbbing through thy being, He is the very commencement
and perfection of all love; if thou hast pity, He has
ten thousand times more pity; if thou canst forgive,
remember that from Him flows all thy power of forgiveness!
There is nothing thou canst do, even at the highest
height of spiritual perfection, that He cannot surpass
by a thousand million fold!
Neither shalt thou
refuse to believe that He can also suffer.
Know
that nothing is more godlike than unselfish sorrow and
the grief of the Creator over one erring human soul
is as vast as He Himself is vast.
Why wouldst
thou make of Him a being destitute of the best emotions
that He Himself bestows upon thee?
Thou
wouldst have entered into thy dream-world and lived
in it and died in it, if by so doing thou couldst
have drawn one of thy creatures back to the love of
thee; and wilt thou not receive the Christ?”
I bowed my head, and a flood of joy rushed through
me.
“I believe I believe
and I love!” I murmured.
“Desert me
not, O radiant Angel!
I feel and know that all
these wonders must soon pass away from my sight; but
wilt thou also go?”
The Angel smiled and touched me.
“I am thy guardian,” it
said.
“I have been with thee always.
I can never leave thee so long as thy soul seeks spiritual
things.
Asleep or awake on the Earth, wherever
thou art, I also am.
There have been times when
I have warned thee and thou wouldst not listen, when
I have tried to draw thee onward and thou wouldst
not come; but now I fear no more thy disobedience,
for thy restlessness is past.
Come with me; it
is permitted thee to see far off the vision of the
Last Circle.”
The glorious figure raised me gently
by the hand, and we floated on and on, higher and
higher, past little circles which my guide told me
were all solar systems, though they looked nothing
but slender garlands of fire, so rapidly did they
revolve and so swiftly did we pass them.
Higher
and higher we went, till even to my untiring spirit
the way seemed long.
Beautiful creatures in human
shape, but as delicate as gossamer, passed us every
now and then, some in bands of twos and threes, some
alone; and the higher we soared the more dazzlingly
lovely these inhabitants of the air seemed to be.
“They are all born of the Great
Circle,” my guardian Angel explained to me:
“and to them is given the power of communicating
high thought or inspiration.
Among them are the
Spirits of Music, of Poesy, of Prophecy, and of all
Art ever known in all worlds.
The success of their
teaching depends on how much purity and unselfishness
there is in the soul to which they whisper their divine
messages messages as brief as telegrams
which must be listened to with entire attention and
acted upon at once, or the lesson is lost and may
never come again.”
Just then I saw a Shape coming towards
me as of a lovely fair-haired child, who seemed to
be playing softly on a strange glittering instrument
like a broken cloud strung through with sunbeams.
Heedless of consequences, I caught at its misty robe
in a wild effort to detain it.
It obeyed my touch,
and turned its deeply luminous eyes first upon me,
and then upon the Angel who accompanied my flight.
“What seekest thou?” it
asked in a voice like the murmuring of the wind among
flowers.
“Music!” I answered.
“Sing me thy melodies fill me with
harmonies divine and unreachable and I
will strive to be worthy of thy teachings!”
The young Shape smiled and drew closer towards me.
“Thy wish is granted, Sister
Spirit!” it replied.
“The pity I shall
feel for thy fate when thou art again pent in clay,
shall be taught thee in minor music thou
shalt possess the secret of unwritten sound, and I
will sing to thee and bring thee comfort.
On Earth,
call but my name Aeon! and thou shalt behold
me.
For thy longing voice is known to the Children
of Music, and hath oft shaken the vibrating light wherein
they dwell.
Fear not!
As long as thou dost
love me, I am thine.”
And parting slowly,
still smiling, the lovely vision, with its small radiant
hands ever wandering among the starry strings of its
cloud-like lyre, floated onward.
Suddenly a clear voice said “Welcome!”
and looking up I saw my first friend, Azul.
I
smiled in glad recognition I would have
spoken but lo! a wide immensity of blazing
glory broke like many-coloured lightning around me so
dazzling, so overpowering, that I instinctively drew
back and paused I felt I could go no further.
“Here,” said my guardian
gently “here ends thy journey.
Would that it were possible, poor Spirit, for thee
to pass this boundary!
But that may not be as
yet.
In the meanwhile thou mayest gaze for a brief
space upon the majestic sphere which mortals dream
of as Heaven.
Behold and see how fair is the
incorruptible perfection of God’s World!”
I looked and trembled I
should have sunk yet further backward, had not Azul
and my Angel-guide held me with their light yet forcible
clasp.
My heart fails me now as I try to write
of that tremendous, that sublime scene the
Centre of the Universe the Cause of all
Creation.
How unlike Heaven such as we in our
ignorance have tried to depict! though it is far better
we should have a mistaken idea than none at all.
What I beheld was a circle, so huge that no mortal
measurements could compass it a wide Ring
composed of seven colours, rainbow-like, but flashing
with perpetual motion and brilliancy, as though a thousand
million suns were for ever being woven into it to feed
its transcendent lustre.
From every part of this
Ring darted long broad shafts of light, some of which
stretched out so far that I could not see where they
ended; sometimes a bubbling shower of lightning sparks
would be flung out on the pure ether, and this would
instantly form into circles, small or great, and whirl
round and round the enormous girdle of flame from
which they had been cast, with the most inconceivable
rapidity.
But wonderful as the Ring was, it encompassed
a Sphere yet more marvellous and dazzling; a great
Globe of opal-tinted light, revolving as it were upon
its own axis, and ever surrounded by that scintillating,
jewel-like wreath of electricity, whose only motion
was to shine and burn within itself for ever.
I could not bear to look upon the brightness of that
magnificent central World so large that
multiplying the size of the sun by a hundred thousand
millions, no adequate idea could be formed of its
vast proportions.
And ever it revolved and
ever the Rainbow Ring around it glittered and cast
forth those other rings which I knew now were living
solar systems cast forth from that electric band as
a volcano casts forth fire and lava.
My Angel-guide
motioned me to look towards that side of the Ring which
was nearest to the position of the Earth.
I looked,
and perceived that there the shafts of descending
light formed themselves as they fell into the shape
of a Cross.
At this, such sorrow, love, and shame
overcame me, that I knew not where to turn.
I
murmured:
“Send me back again, dear Angel send
me back to that Star of Sorrow and Error!
Let
me hasten to make amends there for all my folly let
me try to teach others what now I know.
I am
unworthy to be here beside thee I am unfit
to look on yonder splendid World let me
return to do penance for my sins and shortcomings;
for what am I that God should bless me? and though
I should consume myself in labour and suffering, how
can I ever hope to deserve the smallest place in that
heavenly glory I now partly behold?” And could
spirits shed tears, I should have wept with remorse
and grief.
Azul spoke, softly and tenderly:
“Now thou dost believe henceforth
thou must love!
Love alone can pass yon flaming
barrier love alone can gain for thee eternal
bliss.
In love and for love were all things made God
loveth His creatures, even so let His creatures love
Him, and so shall the twain be drawn together.”
“Listen!” added my Angel-guide.
“Thou hast not travelled so far as yet to remain
in ignorance.
That burning Ring thou seest is
the result of the Creator’s ever-working Intelligence;
from it all the Universe hath sprung.
It is exhaustless
and perpetually creative; it is pure and perfect Light.
The smallest spark of that fiery essence in a mortal
frame is sufficient to form a soul or spirit, such
as mine, or that of Azul, or thine, when thou art
perfected.
The huge world rolling within the
Ring is where God dwells.
Dare not thou to question
His shape, His look, His mien!
Know that He is
the Supreme Spirit in which all Beauty, all Perfection,
all Love, find consummation.
His breath is the
fire of the Ring; His look, His pleasure, cause the
motion of His World and all worlds.
There where
He dwells, dwell also all pure souls; there all desires
have fulfilment without satiety, and there all loveliness,
wisdom or pleasure known in any or all of the other
spheres are also known.
Speak, Azul, and tell
this wanderer from Earth what she will gain in winning
her place in Heaven.”
Azul looked tenderly upon me and said:
“When thou hast slept the brief
sleep of death, when thou art permitted to throw off
for ever thy garb of clay, and when by thine own ceaseless
love and longing thou hast won the right to pass the
Great Circle, thou shalt find thyself in a land where
the glories of the natural scenery alone shall overpower
thee with joy scenery that for ever changes
into new wonders and greater beauty.
Thou shalt
hear music such as thou canst not dream of.
Thou
shalt find friends, beyond all imagination fair and
faithful.
Thou shalt read and see the history
of all the planets, produced for thee in an ever-moving
panorama.
Thou shalt love and be beloved for
ever by thine own Twin Soul; wherever that spirit
may be now, it must join thee hereafter.
The joys
of learning, memory, consciousness, sleep, waking,
and exercise shall all be thine.
Sin, sorrow,
pain, disease and death thou shalt know no more.
Thou shalt be able to remember happiness, to possess
it, and to look forward to it.
Thou shalt have
full and pleasant occupation without fatigue thy
food and substance shall be light and air.
Flowers,
rare and imperishable, shall bloom for thee; birds
of exquisite form and tender voice shall sing to thee;
angels shall be thy companions.
Thou shalt have
fresh and glad desires to offer to God with every
portion of thy existence, and each one shall be granted
as soon as asked, for then thou wilt not be able to
ask anything that is displeasing to Him.
But because
it is a joy to wish, thou shalt wish! and because
it is a joy to grant, so also will He grant.
No delight, small or great, is wanting in that vast
sphere; only sorrow is lacking, and satiety and disappointment
have no place.
Wilt thou seek for admittance
there or wilt thou faint by the way and grow weary?”
I raised my eyes full of ecstasy and reverence.
“My mere efforts must count
as nothing,” I said; “but if Love can help
me, I will love and long for God’s World until
I die!”
My guardian Angel pointed to those
rays of light I had before noticed, that slanted downwards
towards Earth in the form of a Cross.
“That is the path by which thou
must travel.
Mark it well!
All pilgrims
from the Sorrowful Star must journey by that road.
Woe to them that turn aside to roam mid spheres they
know not of, to lose themselves in seas of light wherein
they cannot steer!
Remember my warning!
And
now, Spirit who art commended to my watchful care,
thy brief liberty is ended.
Thou hast been lifted
up to the outer edge of the Electric Circle, further
we dare not take thee.
Hast thou aught else to
ask before the veil of mortality again enshrouds thee?”
I answered not, but within myself
I formed a wild desire.
The Electric Ring flashed
fiercely on my uplifted eyes, but I kept them fixed
hopefully and lovingly on its intensely deep brilliancy.
“If Love and Faith can avail
me,” I murmured, “I shall see what I have
sought.”
I was not disappointed.
The fiery
waves of light parted on either side of the spot where
I with my companions rested; and a Figure, majestic,
unutterably grand and beautiful, approached
me.
At the same moment a number of other faces
and forms shone hoveringly out of the Ring; one I
noticed like an exquisitely lovely woman, with floating
hair and clear, earnest, unfathomable eyes.
Azul
and the Angel sank reverently down and drooped their
radiant heads like flowers in hot sunshine.
I
alone, daringly, yet with inexpressible affection
welling up within me, watched with unshrinking gaze
the swift advance of that supreme Figure, upon whose
broad brows rested the faint semblance of a Crown of
Thorns.
A voice penetratingly sweet addressed
me:
“Mortal from the Star I saved
from ruin, because thou hast desired Me, I come!
Even as thy former unbelief, shall be now thy faith.
Because thou lovest Me, I am with thee.
For do
I not know thee better than the Angels can?
Have
I not dwelt in thy clay, suffered thy sorrows, wept
thy tears, died thy deaths?
One with My Father,
and yet one with thee, I demand thy love, and so through
Me shalt thou attain immortal life!”
I felt a touch upon me like a scorching
flame a thrill rushed through my being and
then I knew that I was sinking down, down, further
and further away.
I saw that wondrous Figure
standing serene and smiling between the retiring waves
of electric radiance.
I saw the great inner sphere
revolve, and glitter as it rolled, like an enormous
diamond encircled with gold and sapphire, and then
all suddenly the air grew dim and cloudy, and the
sensation of falling became more and more rapid.
Azul was beside me still, and I also perceived the
outline of my guardian Angel’s form, though
that was growing indistinct.
I now recalled the
request of Heliobas, and spoke:
“Azul, tell me what shadow rests
upon the life of him to whom I am now returning?”
Azul looked at me earnestly, and replied:
“Thou daring one!
Seekest
thou to pierce the future fate of others?
Is
it not enough for thee to have heard the voice that
maketh the Angel’s singing silent, and wouldst
thou yet know more?”
I was full of a strange unhesitating
courage, therefore I said fearlessly:
“He is thy Beloved one, Azul thy
Twin Soul; and wilt thou let him fall away from thee
when a word or sign might save him?”
“Even as he is my Beloved, so
let him not fail to hear my voice,” replied
Azul, with a tinge of melancholy.
“For though
he has accomplished much, he is as yet but mortal.
Thou canst guide him thus far; tell him, when death
lies like a gift in his hand, let him withhold it,
and remember me.
And now, my friend farewell!”
I would have spoken again, but could
not.
An oppressed sensation came over me, and
I seemed to plunge coldly into a depth of inextricable
blackness.
I felt cramped for room, and struggled
for existence, for motion, for breath.
What had
happened to me?
I wondered indignantly.
Was I a fettered prisoner? had I lost the use of my
light aerial limbs that had borne me so swiftly through
the realms of space?
What crushing weight overpowered
me? why such want of air and loss of delightful ease?
I sighed restlessly and impatiently at the narrow darkness
in which I found myself a sorrowful, deep,
shuddering sigh .... and WOKE!
That is to say,
I languidly opened mortal eyes to find myself once
more pent up in mortal frame, though I retained a
perfect remembrance and consciousness of everything
I had experienced during my spirit-wanderings.
Heliobas stood in front of me with outstretched hands,
and his eyes were fixed on mine with a mingled expression
of anxiety and authority, which changed into a look
of relief and gladness as I smiled at him and uttered
his name aloud.