I
There are certain people who will
never understand this story, people who live their
lives by rule of thumb. Little lives they are,
too, measured by the letter and not the spirit.
Quite simple too. Right is right and wrong is
wrong.
That shadowy No Man’s Land between
the trenches of virtue and sin, where most of us fight
our battles and are wounded, and even die, does not
exist for them.
The boy in this story belonged to
that class. Even if he reads it he may not recognise
it. But he will not read it or have it read to
him. He will even be somewhat fretful if it comes
his way.
“If that’s one of those
problem things,” he will say, “I don’t
want to hear it. I don’t see why nobody
writes adventure any more.”
Right is right and wrong is wrong.
Seven words for a creed, and all of life to live!
This is not a war story. But
it deals, as must anything that represents life in
this year of our Lord of Peace, with war. With
war in its human relations. Not with guns and
trenches, but with men and women, with a boy and a
girl.
For only in the mass is war vast.
To the man in the trench it reduces itself to the
man on his right, the man on his left, the man across,
beyond the barbed wire, and a woman.
The boy was a Canadian. He was
twenty-two and not very tall. His name in this
story is Cecil Hamilton. He had won two medals
for life-saving, each in a leather case. He had
saved people from drowning. When he went abroad
to fight he took the medals along. Not to show.
But he felt that the time might come when he would
not be sure of himself. A good many men on the
way to war have felt that way. The body has a
way of turning craven, in spite of high resolves.
It would be rather comforting, he felt, to have those
medals somewhere about him at that time. He never
looked at them without a proud little intake of breath
and a certain swelling of the heart.
On the steamer he found that a medal
for running had slipped into one of the cases.
He rather chuckled over that. He had a sense of
humour, in spite of his seven-word creed. And
a bit of superstition, for that night, at dusk, he
went out on to the darkened deck and flung it overboard.
The steamer had picked him up at Halifax a
cold dawn, with a few pinched faces looking over the
rail. Forgive him if he swaggered up the gangway.
He was twenty-two, he was a lieutenant, and he was
a fighting man.
The girl in the story saw him then.
She was up and about, in a short sport suit, with
a white tam-o’-shanter on her head and a white
woolen scarf tucked round her neck. Under her
belted coat she wore a middy blouse, and when she
saw Lieutenant Cecil Hamilton, with his eager eyes not
unlike her own, his eyes were young and inquiring she
reached into a pocket of the blouse and dabbed her
lips with a small stick of cold cream.
Cold air has a way of drying lips.
He caught her at it, and she smiled.
It was all over for him then, poor lad!
Afterward, when he was in the trenches,
he wondered about that. He called it “Kismet”
to himself. It was really a compound, that first
day or two, of homesickness and a little furtive stirring
of anxiety and the thrill of new adventure that was
in his blood.
On the second afternoon out they had
tea together, she in her steamer chair and he calmly
settled next to her, in a chair belonging to an irritated
English lawyer. Afterward he went down to his
cabin, hung round with his new equipment, and put away
the photograph of a very nice Toronto girl, which
had been propped up back of his hairbrushes.
They got rather well acquainted that first day.
“You know,” he said, with
his cup in one hand and a rather stale cake in the
other, “it’s awfully bully of you to be
so nice to me.”
She let that go. She was looking,
as a matter of fact, after a tall man with heavily
fringed eyes and English clothes, who had just gone
by.
“You know,” he confided he
frequently prefaced his speeches with that “I
was horribly lonely when I came up the gangway.
Then I saw you, and you were smiling. It did
me a lot of good.”
“I suppose I really should not
have smiled.” She came back to him with
rather an effort. “But you caught me, you
know. It wasn’t rouge. It was cold
cream. I’ll show you.”
She unbuttoned her jacket, against
his protest, and held out the little stick. He
took it and looked at it.
“You don’t need even this,”
he said rather severely. He disapproved of cosmetics.
“You have a lovely mouth.”
“It’s rather large. Don’t you
think so?”
“It’s exactly right.”
He was young, and as yet more interested
in himself than in anything in the world. So
he sat there and told her who he was, and what he
hoped to do and, rather to his own astonishment, about
the medals.
“How very brave you are!” she said.
That made him anxious. He hoped
she did not think he was swanking. It was only
that he did not make friends easily, and when he did
meet somebody he liked he was apt to forget and talk
too much about himself. He was so afraid that
he gulped down his tepid tea in a hurry and muttered
something about letters to write, and got himself
away. The girl stared after him with a pucker
between her eyebrows. And the tall man came and
took the place he vacated.
Things were worrying the girl whose
name, by the way, was Edith. On programs it was
spelled “Edythe,” but that was not her
fault. Yes, on programs Edythe O’Hara.
The business manager had suggested deHara, but she
had refused. Not that it mattered much. She
had been in the chorus. She had a little bit
of a voice, rather sweet, and she was divinely young
and graceful.
In the chorus she would have remained,
too, but for one of those queer shifts that alter
lives. A girl who did a song and an eccentric
dance had wrenched her knee, and Edith had gone on
in her place. Something of her tomboy youth remained
in her, and for a few minutes, as she frolicked over
the stage, she was a youngster, dancing to her shadow.
She had not brought down the house,
but a man with heavily fringed eyes, who watched her
from the wings, made a note of her name. He was
in America for music-hall material for England, and
he was shrewd after the manner of his kind. Here
was a girl who frolicked on the stage. The English,
accustomed to either sensuous or sedate dancing, would
fall hard for her, he decided. Either that, or
she would go “bla.” She was a hit
or nothing.
And that, in so many words, he told
her that afternoon.
“Feeling all right?” he asked her.
“Better than this morning. The wind’s
gone down, hasn’t it?”
He did not answer her. He sat
on the side of the chair and looked her over.
“You want to keep well,”
he warned her. “The whole key to your doing
anything is vitality. That’s the word Life.”
She smiled. It seemed so easy.
Life? She was full-fed with the joy of it.
Even as she sat, her active feet in their high-heeled
shoes were aching to be astir.
“Working in the gymnasium?” he demanded.
“Two hours a day, morning and evening.
Feel.”
She held out her arm to him, and he
felt its small, rounded muscle, with a smile.
But his heavily fringed eyes were on her face, and
he kept his hold until she shook it off.
“Who’s the soldier boy?” he asked
suddenly.
“Lieutenant Hamilton. He’s rather
nice. Don’t you think so?”
“He’ll do to play with on the trip.
You’ll soon lose him in London.”
The winter darkness closed down round
them. Stewards were busy closing ports and windows
with fitted cardboards. Through the night the
ship would travel over the dangerous lanes of the sea
with only her small port and starboard lights.
A sense of exhilaration possessed Edith. This
hurling forward over black water, this sense of danger,
visualised by precautions, this going to something
new and strange, set every nerve to jumping.
She threw back her rug, and getting up went to the
rail. Lethway, the manager, followed her.
“Nervous, aren’t you?”
“Not frightened, anyhow.”
It was then that he told her how he
had sized the situation up. She was a hit or
nothing.
“If you go all right,”
he said, “you can have the town. London’s
for you or against you, especially if you’re
an American. If you go flat ”
“Then what?”
She had not thought of that.
What would she do then? Her salary was not to
begin until the performances started. Her fare
and expenses across were paid, but how about getting
back? Even at the best her salary was small.
That had been one of her attractions to Lethway.
“I’ll have to go home,
of course,” she said. “If they don’t
like me, and decide in a hurry, I I may
have to borrow money from you to get back.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
He put a hand over hers as it lay on the rail, and
when she made no effort to release it he bent down
and kissed her warm fingers. “Don’t
you worry about that,” he repeated.
She did worry, however. Down
in her cabin, not so tidy as the boy’s littered
with her curiously anomalous belongings, a great bunch
of violets in the wash bowl, a cheap toilet set, elaborate
high-heeled shoes, and a plain muslin nightgown hanging
to the door down there she opened her trunk
and got out her contract. There was nothing in
it about getting back home.
For a few minutes she was panicky.
Her hands shook as she put the document away.
She knew life with all the lack of illusion of two
years in the chorus. Even Lethway not
that she minded his casual caress on the deck.
She had seen a lot of that. It meant nothing.
Stage directors either bawled you out or petted you.
That was part of the business.
But to-night, all day indeed, there
had been something in Lethway’s face that worried
her. And there were other things.
The women on the boat replied coldly
to her friendly advances. She had spoken to a
nice girl, her own age or thereabouts, and the girl’s
mother or aunt or chaperon, whoever it was, had taken
her away. It had puzzled her at the time.
Now she knew. The crowd that had seen her off,
from the Pretty Coquette Company that had
queered her, she decided. That and Lethway.
None of the girls had thought it odd
that she should cross the ocean with Lethway.
They had been envious, as a matter of fact. They
had brought her gifts, the queer little sachets
and fruit and boxes of candy that littered the room.
In that half hour before sailing they had chattered
about her, chorus unmistakably, from their smart,
cheap little hats to their short skirts and fancy shoes.
Her roommate, Mabel, had been the only one she had
hated to leave. And Mabel had queered her, too,
with her short-bobbed yellow hair.
She did a reckless thing that night,
out of pure defiance. It was a winter voyage
in wartime. The night before the women had gone
down, sedately dressed, to dinner. The girl she
had tried to speak to had worn a sweater. So
Edith dressed for dinner.
She whitened her neck and arms with
liquid powder, and slicked up her brown hair daringly
smooth and flat. Then she put on her one evening
dress, a black net, and pinned on her violets.
She rouged her lips a bit too.
The boy, meeting her on the companionway, gasped.
That night he asked permission to
move over to her table, and after that the three of
them ate together, Lethway watching and saying little,
the other two chattering. They were very gay.
They gambled to the extent of a quarter each, on the
number of fronds, or whatever they are, in the top
of a pineapple that Cecil ordered in, and she won.
It was delightful to gamble, she declared, and put
the fifty cents into a smoking-room pool.
The boy was clearly infatuated.
She looked like a debutante, and, knowing it, acted
the part. It was not acting really. Life
had only touched her so far, and had left no mark.
When Lethway lounged away to an evening’s bridge
Cecil fetched his military cape and they went on deck.
“I’m afraid it’s
rather lonely for you,” he said. “It’s
always like this the first day or two. Then the
women warm up and get friendly.”
“I don’t want to know
them. They are a stupid-looking lot. Did
you ever see such clothes?”
“You are the only person who
looks like a lady to-night,” he observed.
“You look lovely. I hope you don’t
mind my saying it?”
She was a downright young person,
after all. And there was something about the
boy that compelled candour. So, although she gathered
after a time that he did not approve of chorus girls,
was even rather skeptical about them and believed
that the stage should be an uplifting influence, she
told him about herself that night.
It was a blow. He rallied gallantly,
but she could see him straggling to gain this new
point of view.
“Anyhow,” he said at last,
“you’re not like the others.”
Then hastily: “I don’t mean to offend
you when I say that, you know. Only one can tell,
to look at you, that you are different.”
He thought that sounded rather boyish, and remembered
that he was going to the war, and was, or would soon
be, a fighting man. “I’ve known a
lot of girls,” he added rather loftily.
“All sorts of girls.”
It was the next night that Lethway
kissed her. He had left her alone most of the
day, and by sheer gravitation of loneliness she and
the boy drifted together. All day long they ranged
the ship, watched a boxing match in the steerage,
fed bread to the hovering gulls from the stern.
They told each other many things. There had been
a man in the company who had wanted to marry her,
but she intended to have a career. Anyhow, she
would not marry unless she loved a person very much.
He eyed her wistfully when she said that.
At dusk he told her about the girl in Toronto.
“It wasn’t an engagement,
you understand. But we’ve been awfully
good friends. She came to see me off. It
was rather awful. She cried. She had some
sort of silly idea that I’ll get hurt.”
It was her turn to look wistful.
Oh, they were getting on! When he went to ask
the steward to bring tea to the corner they had found,
she looked after him. She had been so busy with
her own worries that she had not thought much of the
significance of his neatly belted khaki. Suddenly
it hurt her. He was going to war.
She knew little about the war, except
from the pictures in illustrated magazines. Once
or twice she had tried to talk about it with Mabel,
but Mabel had only said, “It’s fierce!”
and changed the subject.
The uniforms scattered over the ship
and the precautions taken at night, however, were
bringing this thing called war very close to her.
It was just beyond that horizon toward which they were
heading. And even then it was brought nearer
to her.
Under cover of the dusk the girl she
had tried to approach came up and stood beside her.
Edith was very distant with her.
“The nights make me nervous,”
the girl said. “In the daylight it is not
so bad. But these darkened windows bring it all
home to me the war, you know.”
“I guess it’s pretty bad.”
“It’s bad enough. My brother has
been wounded. I am going to him.”
Even above the sound of the water
Edith caught the thrill in her voice. It was
a new tone to her, the exaltation of sacrifice.
“I’m sorry,” she
said. And some subconscious memory of Mabel made
her say: “It’s fierce!”
The girl looked at her.
“That young officer you’re
with, he’s going, of course. He seems very
young. My brother was older. Thirty.”
“He’s twenty-two.”
“He has such nice eyes,” said the girl.
“I wish ”
But he was coming back, and she slipped away.
During tea Cecil caught her eyes on
him more than once. He had taken off his stiff-crowned
cap, and the wind blew his dark hair round.
“I wish you were not going to
the war,” she said unexpectedly. It had
come home to her, all at once, the potentialities of
that trim uniform. It made her a little sick.
“It’s nice of you to say that.”
There was a new mood on her, of confession,
almost of consecration. He asked her if he might
smoke. No one in her brief life had ever before
asked her permission to smoke.
“I’ll have to smoke all
I can,” he said. “The fellows say
cigarettes are scarce in the trenches. I’m
taking a lot over.”
He knew a girl who smoked cigarettes,
he said. She was a nice girl too. He couldn’t
understand it. The way he felt about it, maybe
a cigarette for a girl wasn’t a crime. But
it led to other things drinking, you know,
and all that.
“The fellows don’t respect
a girl that smokes,” he said. “That’s
the plain truth. I’ve talked to her a lot
about it.”
“It wasn’t your friend in Toronto, was
it?”
“Good heavens, no!” He repudiated the
idea with horror.
It was the girl who had to readjust
her ideas of life that day. She had been born
and raised in that neutral ground between the lines
of right and wrong, and now suddenly her position
was attacked and she must choose sides. She chose.
“I’ve smoked a cigarette
now and then. If you think it is wrong I’ll
not do it any more.”
He was almost overcome, both at the
confession and at her renunciation. To tell the
truth, among the older Canadian officers he had felt
rather a boy. Her promise reinstated him in his
own esteem. He was a man, and a girl was offering
to give something up if he wished it. It helped
a lot.
That evening he laid out his entire
equipment in his small cabin, and invited her to see
it. He put his mother’s picture behind his
brushes, where the other one had been, and when all
was ready he rang for a stewardess.
“I am going to show a young
lady some of my stuff,” he explained. “And
as she is alone I wish you’d stay round, will
you? I want her to feel perfectly comfortable.”
The stewardess agreed, and as she
was an elderly woman, with a son at the front, a boy
like Cecil, she went back to her close little room
over the engines and cried a little, very quietly.
It was unfortunate that he did not
explain the presence of the stewardess to the girl.
For when it was all over, and she had stood rather
awed before his mother’s picture, and rather
to his surprise had smoothed her hair with one of
his brushes, she turned to him outside the door.
“That stewardess has a lot of
nerve,” she said. “The idea of standing
in the doorway, rubbering!”
“I asked her,” he explained.
“I thought you’d prefer having some one
there.”
She stared at him.
II
Lethway had won the ship’s pool
that day. In the evening he played bridge, and
won again. He had been drinking a little.
Not much, but enough to make him reckless.
For the last rubber or two the thought
of Edith had obsessed him, her hand on the rail as
he had kissed it, her cool eyes that were at once
so wise and so ignorant, her lithe body in the short
skirt and middy blouse. He found her more alluring,
so attired, than she had been in the scant costume
of what to him was always “the show.”
He pondered on that during all of
a dummy hand, sitting low in his chair with his feet
thrust far under the table. The show business
was going to the bad. Why? Because nobody
connected with it knew anything about human nature.
He formulated a plan, compounded of liquor and real
business acumen, of dressing a chorus, of suggesting
the feminine form instead of showing it, of veiling
it in chiffons of soft colours and sending a
draft of air from electric fans in the wings to set
the chiffons in motion.
“Like the Aurora,” he
said to himself. “Only not so beefy.
Ought to be a hit. Pretty? It will be the
real thing!”
The thought of Edith in such a costume,
playing like a dryad over the stage, stayed with him
when the dummy hand had been played and he had been
recalled to the game by a thump on the shoulder.
Edith in soft, pastel-coloured chiffons, dancing
in bare feet to light string music. A forest
setting, of course. Pan. A goat or two.
All that sort of thing.
On his way down to his cabin he passed
her door. He went on, hesitated, came back and
knocked.
Now Edith had not been able to sleep.
Her thrifty soul, trained against waste, had urged
her not to fling her cigarettes overboard, but to
smoke them.
“And then never again,” she said solemnly.
The result was that she could not
get to sleep. Blanketed to the chin she lay in
her bunk, reading. The book had been Mabel’s
farewell offering, a thing of perverted ideals, or
none, of cheap sentiment, of erotic thought overlaid
with words. The immediate result of it, when
she yawned at last and turned out the light over her
bed, was a new light on the boy.
“Little prig!” she said
to herself, and stretched her round arms luxuriously
above her head.
Then Lethway rapped. She sat
up and listened. Then, grumbling, she got out
and opened the door an inch or two. The lights
were low outside and her own cabin dark. But
she knew him.
“Are we chased?” she demanded.
In the back of her mind, fear of pursuit by a German
submarine was dogging her across the Atlantic.
“Sure we are!” he said.
“What are you so stingy about the door for?”
She recognised his condition out of
a not inconsiderable experience and did her best to
force the door shut, but he put his foot over the
sill and smiled.
“Please go away, Mr. Lethway.”
“I’ll go if you’ll kiss me good
night.”
She calculated the situation, and
surrendered. There was nothing else to do.
But when she upturned her face he slipped past her
and into the room. Just inside the door, swinging
open and shut with every roll of the ship, he took
her in his arms and kissed her, not once but many
times.
She did not lose her head. She
had an arm free and she rang the bell. Then she
jerked herself loose.
“I have rung for the stewardess,”
she said furiously. “If you are here when
she comes I’ll ask for help.”
“You young devil!” was
all he said, and went, slamming the door behind him.
His rage grew as he reached his own cabin. Damn
the girl, anyhow! He had not meant anything.
Here he was, spending money he might never get back
to give her a chance, and she called the stewardess
because he kissed her!
As for the girl, she went back to
bed. For a few moments sheer rage kept her awake.
Then youth and fatigue triumphed and she fell asleep.
Her last thought was of the boy, after all. “He
wouldn’t do a thing like that,” she reflected.
“He’s a gentleman. He’s the
real thing. He’s ”
Her eyes closed.
Lethway apologised the next day, apologised
with an excess of manner that somehow made the apology
as much of an insult as the act. But she matched
him at that game took her cue from him,
even went him one better as to manner. When he
left her he had begun to feel that she was no unworthy
antagonist. The game would be interesting.
And she had the advantage, if she only knew it.
Back of his desire to get back at her, back of his
mocking smile and half-closed eyes, he was just a
trifle mad about her since the night before.
That is the way things stood when
they reached the Mersey. Cecil was in love with
the girl. Very earnestly in love. He did
not sleep at night for thinking about her. He
remembered certain semi-harmless escapades of his
college days, and called himself unworthy and various
other things. He scourged himself by leaving her
alone in her steamer chair and walking by at stated
intervals. Once, in a white sweater over a running
shirt, he went to the gymnasium and found her there.
She had on a “gym” suit of baggy bloomers
and the usual blouse. He backed away from the
door hastily.
At first he was jealous of Lethway.
Then that passed. She confided to him that she
did not like the manager. After that he was sorry
for him. He was sorry for any one she did not
like. He bothered Lethway by walking the deck
with him and looking at him with what Lethway refused
to think was compassion.
But because, contrary to the boy’s
belief, none of us is quite good or quite evil, he
was kind to the boy. The khaki stood for something
which no Englishman could ignore.
“Poor little devil!” he
said on the last day in the smoking room, “he’s
going to a bad time, all right. I was in Africa
for eight years. Boer war and the rest of it.
Got run through the thigh in a native uprising, and
they won’t have me now. But Africa was cheery
to this war.”
He asked the boy into the smoking
room, which he had hitherto avoided. He had some
queer idea that he did not care to take his uniform
in there. Absurd, of course. It made him
rather lonely in the hours Edith spent in her cabin,
preparing variations of costume for the evening out
of her small trunk. But he was all man, and he
liked the society of men; so he went at last, with
Lethway, and ordered vichy!
He had not allowed himself to think
much beyond the end of the voyage. As the ship
advanced, war seemed to slip beyond the edge of his
horizon. Even at night, as he lay and tossed,
his thoughts were either of the next day, when he
would see Edith again, or of that indefinite future
when he would return, covered with honors, and go
to her, wherever she was.
He never doubted the honors now.
He had something to fight for. The medals in
their cases looked paltry to him, compared with what
was coming. In his sleep he dreamed of the V.C.,
dreams he was too modest to put into thoughts in waking
hours.
Then they reached the Mersey.
On the last evening of the voyage he and Edith stood
on the upper deck. It was a zone of danger.
From each side of the narrowing river flashlights
skimmed the surface of the water, playing round but
never on the darkened ship. Red and green lights
blinked signals. Their progress was a devious
one through the mine-strewn channel. There was
a heavy sea even there, and the small lights on the
mast on the pilot boat, as it came to a stop, described
great arcs that seemed, first to starboard, then to
port, to touch the very tips of the waves.
“I’m not crazy about this,”
the girl said, as the wind tugged at her skirts.
“It frightens me. Brings the war pretty
close, doesn’t it?”
Emotion swelled his heart and made
him husky love and patriotism, pride and
hope, and a hot burst of courage.
“What if we strike a mine?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t care so much. It would
give me a chance to save you.”
Overhead they were signalling the
shore with a white light. Along with the new
emotions that were choking him came an unaccustomed
impulse of boastfulness.
“I can read that,” he
said when she ignored his offer to save her.
“Of course it’s code, but I can spell it
out.”
He made a move to step forward and
watch the signaler, but she put her hand on his arm.
“Don’t go. I’m nervous, Cecil,”
she said.
She had called him by his first name.
It shook him profoundly, that and the touch of her
hand on his arm.
“Oh, I love you, love you!”
he said hoarsely. But he did not try to take
her in his arms, or attempt to caress the hand that
still clung to him. He stood very erect, looking
at the shadowy outline of her. Then, her long
scarf blowing toward him, he took the end of it and
kissed that very gravely.
“I would die for you,” he said.
Then Lethway joined them.
III
London was not kind to him. He
had felt, like many Canadians, that in going to England
he was going home. But England was cold.
Not the people on the streets.
They liked the Canadians and they cheered them when
their own regiments went by unhailed. It appealed
to their rampant patriotism that these men had come
from across the sea to join hands with them against
common foe. But in the clubs, where his letters
admitted the boy, there was a different atmosphere.
Young British officers were either cool or, much worse,
patronising. They were inclined to suspect that
his quiet confidence was swanking. One day at
luncheon he drank a glass of wine, not because he
wanted it but because he did not like to refuse.
The result was unfortunate. It loosened his tongue
a bit, and he mentioned the medals.
Not noisily, of course. In an
offhand manner, to his next neighbor. It went
round the table, and a sort of icy silence, after that,
greeted his small sallies. He never knew what
the trouble was, but his heart was heavy in him.
And it rained.
It was always raining. He had
very little money beyond his pay, and the constant
hiring of taxicabs worried him. Now and then he
saw some one he knew, down from Salisbury for a holiday,
but they had been over long enough to know their way
about. They had engagements, things to buy.
He fairly ate his heart out in sheer loneliness.
There were two hours in the day that
redeemed the others. One was the hour late in
the afternoon when, rehearsal over, he took Edith
O’Hara to tea. The other was just before
he went to bed, when he wrote her the small note that
reached her every morning with her breakfast.
In the seven days before he joined
his regiment at Salisbury he wrote her seven notes.
They were candid, boyish scrawls, not love letters
at all. This was one of them:
Dear Edith:
I have put in a rotten evening and am just
going to bed.
I am rather worried because you looked so
tired to-day.
Please don’t work too hard.
I am only writing
to say how I look forward each night to
seeing you the
next day. I am sending with this a small
bunch of lilies
of the valley. They remind me of you.
CECIL.
The girl saved those letters.
She was not in love with him, but he gave her something
no one else had ever offered: a chivalrous respect
that pleased as well as puzzled her.
Once in a tea shop he voiced his creed,
as it pertained to her, over a plate of muffins.
“When we are both back home,
Edith,” he said, “I am going to ask you
something.”
“Why not now?”
“Because it wouldn’t be
quite fair to you. I I may be killed,
or something. That’s one thing. Then,
it’s because of your people.”
That rather stunned her. She
had no people. She was going to tell him that,
but she decided not to. She felt quite sure that
he considered “people” essential, and
though she felt that, for any long period of time,
these queer ideas and scruples of his would be difficult
to live up to, she intended to do it for that one week.
“Oh, all right,” she said, meekly enough.
She felt very tender toward him after
that, and her new gentleness made it all hard for
him. She caught him looking at her wistfully at
times, and it seemed to her that he was not looking
well. His eyes were hollow, his face thin.
She put her hand over his as it lay on the table.
“Look here,” she said,
“you look half sick, or worried, or something.
Stop telling me to take care of myself, and look after
yourself a little better.”
“I’m all right,”
he replied. Then soon after: “Everything’s
strange. That’s the trouble,” he
confessed. “It’s only in little things
that don’t matter, but a fellow feels such a
duffer.”
On the last night he took her to dinner a
small French restaurant in a back street in Soho.
He had heard about it somewhere. Edith classed
it as soon as she entered. It was too retiring,
too demure. Its very location was clandestine.
But he never knew. He was divided
that night between joy at getting to his regiment
and grief at leaving her. Rather self-engrossed,
she thought.
They had a table by an open grate
fire, with a screen “to shut off the draft,”
the waiter said. It gave the modest meal a delightfully
homey air, their isolation and the bright coal fire.
For the first time they learned the joys of mussels
boiled in milk, of French souffle and other
things.
At the end of the evening he took
her back to her cheap hotel in a taxicab. She
expected him to kiss her. Her experience of taxicabs
had been like that. But he did not. He said
very little on the way home, but sat well back and
eyed her wistful eyes. She chattered to cover
his silence of rehearsals, of with
reservations of Lethway, of the anticipated
London opening. She felt very sad herself.
He had been a tie to America, and he had been much
more than that. Though she did not realise it,
he had had a profound effect on her. In trying
to seem what he thought her she was becoming what he
thought her. Her old reckless attitude toward
life was gone, or was going.
The day before she had refused an
invitation to a night club, and called herself a fool
for doing it. But she had refused.
Not that he had performed miracles
with her. She was still frankly a dweller on
the neutral ground. But to that instinct that
had kept her up to that time what she would have called
“straight” had been added a new refinement.
She was no longer the reckless and romping girl whose
abandon had caught Lethway’s eye.
She had gained a soul, perhaps, and lost a livelihood.
When they reached the hotel he got
out and went in with her. The hall porter was
watching and she held out her hand. But he shook
his head.
“If I touched your hand,”
he said, “I would have to take you in my arms.
Good-bye, dear.”
“Good-bye,” she said.
There were tears in her eyes. It was through a
mist that she saw him, as the elevator went up, standing
at salute, his eyes following her until she disappeared
from sight.
IV
Things were going wrong with Lethway.
The management was ragging him, for one thing.
“Give the girl time,”
he said almost viciously, at the end of a particularly
bad rehearsal. “She’s had a long voyage
and she’s tired. Besides,” he added,
“these acts never do go at rehearsal. Give
me a good house at the opening and she’ll show
you what she can do.”
But in his soul he was worried.
There was a change in Edith O’Hara. Even
her voice had altered. It was not only her manner
to him. That was marked enough, but he only shrugged
his shoulders over it. Time enough for that when
the production was on.
He had engaged a hoyden, and she was
by way of becoming a lady. During the first week
or so he had hoped that it was only the strangeness
of her surroundings. He had been shrewd enough
to lay some of it, however, to Cecil’s influence.
“When your soldier boy gets
out of the way,” he sneered one day in the wings,
“perhaps you’ll get down to earth and put
some life in your work.”
But to his dismay she grew steadily
worse. Her dancing was delicate, accurate, even
graceful, but the thing the British public likes to
think typically American, a sort of breezy swagger,
was gone. To bill her in her present state as
the Madcap American would be sheer folly.
Ten days before the opening he cabled
for another girl to take her place.
He did not tell her. Better to
let her work on, he decided. A German submarine
might sink the ship on which the other girl was coming,
and then where would they be?
Up to the last, however, he had hopes
of Edith. Not that he cared to save her.
But he hated to acknowledge a failure. He disliked
to disavow his own judgment.
He made a final effort with her, took
her one day to luncheon at Simpson’s, and in
one of the pewlike compartments, over mutton and caper
sauce, he tried to “talk a little life into her.”
“What the devil has come over
you?” he demanded savagely. “You were
larky enough over in New York. There are any number
of girls in London who can do what you are doing now,
and do it better.”
“I’m doing just what I did in New York.”
“The hell you are! I could
do what you’re doing with a jointed doll and
some wires. Now see here, Edith,” he said,
“either you put some go into the thing, or you
go. That’s flat.”
Her eyes filled.
“I maybe I’m
worried,” she said. “Ever since I
found out that I’ve signed up, with no arrangement
about sending me back, it’s been on my mind.”
“Don’t you worry about that.”
“But if they put some one on in my place?”
“You needn’t worry about
that either. I’ll look after you. You
know that. If I hadn’t been crazy about
you I’d have let you go a week ago. You
know that too.”
She knew the tone, knew instantly
where she stood. Knew, too, that she would not
play the first night in London. She went rather
white, but she faced him coolly.
“Don’t look like that,”
he said. “I’m only telling you that
if you need a friend I’ll be there.”
It was two days before the opening,
however, when the blow fell. She had not been
sleeping, partly from anxiety about herself, partly
about the boy. Every paper she picked up was full
of the horrors of war. There were columns filled
with the names of those who had fallen. Somehow
even his uniform had never closely connected the boy
with death in her mind. He seemed so young.
She had had a feeling that his very
youth would keep him from danger. War to her
was a faintly conceived struggle between men, and
he was a boy.
But here were boys who had died, boys
at nineteen. And the lists of missing startled
her. One morning she read in the personal column
a query, asking if any one could give the details
of the death of a young subaltern. She cried
over that. In all her care-free life never before
had she wept over the griefs of others.
Cecil had sent her his photograph
taken in his uniform. Because he had had it taken
to give her he had gazed directly into the eye of
the camera. When she looked at it it returned
her glance. She took to looking at it a great
deal.
Two days before the opening she turned
from a dispirited rehearsal to see Mabel standing
in the wings. Then she knew. The end had
come.
Mabel was jaunty, but rather uneasy.
“You poor dear!” she said,
when Edith went to her. “What on earth’s
happened? The cable only said honest,
dearie, I feel like a dog!”
“They don’t like me.
That’s all,” she replied wearily, and picked
up her hat and jacket from a chair. But Mabel
was curious. Uncomfortable, too, as she had said.
She slipped an arm round Edith’s waist.
“Say the word and I’ll
throw them down,” she cried. “It looks
like dirty work to me. And you’re thin.
Honest, dearie, I mean it.”
Her loyalty soothed the girl’s sore spirit.
“I don’t know what’s
come over me,” she said. “I’ve
tried hard enough. But I’m always tired.
I I think it’s being so close to the
war.”
Mabel stared at her. There was
a war. She knew that. The theatrical news
was being crowded to a back page to make space for
disagreeable diagrams and strange, throaty names.
“I know. It’s fierce, isn’t
it?” she said.
Edith took her home, and they talked
far into the night. She had slipped Cecil’s
picture into the wardrobe before she turned on the
light. Then she explained the situation.
“It’s pep they want, is
it?” said Mabel at last. “Well, believe
me, honey, I’ll give it to them. And as
long as I’ve got a cent it’s yours.”
They slept together in Edith’s
narrow bed, two slim young figures delicately flushed
with sleep. As pathetic, had they known it, as
those other sleepers in their untidy billets across
the channel. Almost as hopeless too. Dwellers
in the neutral ground.
V
Now war, after all, is to each fighting
man an affair of small numbers, an affair of the men
to his right and his left, of the A.M.S.C. in the
rear and of a handful of men across. On his days
of rest the horizon is somewhat expanded. It
becomes then a thing of crowded and muddy village
streets, of food and drink and tobacco and a place
to sleep.
Always, of course, it is a thing of noises.
This is not a narrative of war.
It matters very little, for instance, how Cecil’s
regiment left Salisbury and went to Soissons, in France.
What really matters is that at last the Canadian-made
motor lorries moved up their equipment, and that, after
digging practice trenches in the yellow clay of old
battlefields, they were moved up to the front.
Once there, there seemed to be a great
deal of time. It was the lull before Neuve
Chapelle. Cecil’s spirit grew heavy with
waiting. Once, back on rest at his billet, he
took a long walk over the half-frozen side roads and
came without warning on a main artery. Three traction
engines were taking to the front the first of the great
British guns, so long awaited. He took the news
back to his mess. The general verdict was that
there would be something doing now.
Cecil wrote a letter to Edith that
day. He had written before, of course, but this
was different. He wrote first to his mother, just
in case anything happened, a long, boyish letter with
a misspelled word here and there. He said he
was very happy and very comfortable, and that if he
did get his he wanted her to know that it was all
perfectly cheerful and not anything like the war correspondents
said it was. He’d had a bully time all
his life, thanks to her. He hadn’t let
her know often enough how he felt about her, and she
knew he was a dub at writing. There were a great
many things worse than “going out” in
a good fight. “It isn’t at all as
if you could see the blooming thing coming,”
he wrote. “You never know it’s after
you until you’ve got it, and then you don’t.”
The letter was not to be sent unless
he was killed. So he put in a few anecdotes to
let her know exactly how happy and contented he was.
Then he dropped the whole thing in the ten inches of
mud and water he was standing in, and had to copy
it all over.
To Edith he wrote a different sort
of letter. He told her that he loved her.
“It’s almost more adoration than love,”
he wrote, while two men next to him were roaring over
a filthy story. “I mean by that, that I
feel every hour of every day how far above me you are.
It’s like one of these fusees the Germans
are always throwing up over us at night. It’s
perfectly dark, and then something bright and clear
and like a star, only nearer, is overhead. Everything
looks different while it floats there. And so,
my dear, my dear, everything has been different to
me since I knew you.”
Rather boyish, all of it, but terribly
earnest. He said he had wanted to ask her to
marry him, but that the way he felt about it, a fellow
had no right to ask a girl such a thing when he was
going to a war. If he came back he would ask
her. And he would love her all his life.
The next day, at dawn, he went out
with eighty men to an outpost that had been an abandoned
farm. It was rather a forlorn hope. They
had one machine gun. At nine o’clock the
enemy opened fire on them and followed it by an attack.
The major in charge went down early. At two Cecil
was standing in the loft of the farmhouse, firing with
a revolver on men who beneath him, outside, were placing
dynamite under a corner of the building.
To add to the general hopelessness,
their own artillery, believing them all dead, opened
fire on the building. They moved their wounded
to the cellar and kept on fighting.
At eight o’clock that night
Cecil’s right arm was hanging helpless, and
the building was burning merrily. There were five
of them left. They fixed bayonets and charged
the open door.
When the boy opened his eyes he was
lying in six inches of manure in a box car. One
of his men was standing over him, keeping him from
being trampled on. There was no air and no water.
The ammonia fumes from the manure were stifling.
The car lurched and jolted along.
Cecil opened his eyes now and then, and at first he
begged for water. When he found there was none
he lay still. The men hammered on the door and
called for air. They made frantic, useless rushes
at the closed and barred door. Except Cecil,
all were standing. They were herded like cattle,
and there was no room to lie or sit.
He lay there, drugged by weakness.
He felt quite sure that he was dying, and death was
not so bad. He voiced this feebly to the man
who stood over him.
“It’s not so bad,” he said.
“The hell it’s not!” said the man.
For the time Edith was effaced from
his mind. He remembered the wounded men left
in the cellar with the building burning over them.
That, and days at home, long before the war.
Once he said “Mother.”
The soldier who was now standing astride of him, the
better to keep off the crowding men, thought he was
asking for water again.
Thirty hours of that, and then air
and a little water. Not enough water. Not
all the water in all the cool streams of the earth
would have slaked the thirst of his wound.
The boy was impassive. He was
living in the past. One day he recited at great
length the story of his medals. No one listened.
And all the time his right arm lay
or hung, as he was prone or erect, a strange right
arm that did not belong to him. It did not even
swell. When he touched it the fingers were cold
and bluish. It felt like a dead hand.
Then, at the end of it all, was a
bed, and a woman’s voice, and quiet.
The woman was large and elderly, and
her eyes were very kind. She stirred something
in the boy that had been dead of pain.
“Edith!” he said.
VI
Mabel had made a hit. Unconscious
imitator that she was, she stole Edith’s former
recklessness, and added to it something of her own
dash and verve. Lethway, standing in the wings,
knew she was not and never would be Edith. She
was not fine enough. Edith at her best had frolicked.
Mabel romped, was almost wanton. He cut out the
string music at the final rehearsal. It did not
fit.
On the opening night the brass notes
of the orchestra blared and shrieked. Mabel’s
bare feet flew, her loose hair, cut to her ears and
held only by a band over her forehead, kept time in
ecstatic little jerks. When at last she pulled
off the fillet and bowed to the applause, her thick
short hair fell over her face as she jerked her head
forward. They liked that. It savoured of
the abandoned. She shook it back, and danced
the encore without the fillet. With her scant
chiffons whirling about her knees, her loose hair,
her girlish body, she was the embodiment of young
love, of its passion, its fire.
Edith had been spring, palpitant with gladness.
Lethway, looking with tired eyes from
the wings, knew that he had made a commercial success.
But back of his sordid methods there was something
of the soul of an artist. And this rebelled.
But he made a note to try flame-coloured
chiffon for Mabel. Edith was to have danced in
the pale greens of a water nymph.
On the night of her triumph Mabel
returned late to Edith’s room, where she was
still quartered. She was moving the next day to
a small apartment. With the generosity of her
class she had urged Edith to join her, and Edith had
perforce consented.
“How did it go?” Edith asked from the
bed.
“Pretty well,” said Mabel. “Nothing
unusual.”
She turned up the light, and from
her radiant reflection in the mirror Edith got the
truth. She lay back with a dull, sickening weight
round her heart. Not that Mabel had won, but that
she herself had failed.
“You’re awfully late.”
“I went to supper. Wish
you’d been along, dearie. Terribly swell
club of some sort.” Then her good resolution
forgotten: “I made them sit up and take
notice, all right. Two invitations for supper
to-morrow night and more on the way. And when
I saw I’d got the house going to-night, and
remembered what I was being paid for it, it made me
sick.”
“It’s better than nothing.”
“Why don’t you ask Lethway
to take you on in the chorus? It would do until
you get something else.”
“I have asked him. He won’t do it.”
Mabel was still standing in front
of the mirror. She threw her head forward so
her short hair covered her face, and watched the effect
carefully. Then she came over and sat on the bed.
“He’s a dirty dog,” she said.
The two girls looked at each other.
They knew every move in the game of life, and Lethway’s
methods were familiar ones.
“What are you going to do about
it?” Mabel demanded at last. “Believe
me, old dear, he’s got a bad eye. Now listen
here,” she said with impulsive generosity.
“I’ve got a scheme. I’ll draw
enough ahead to send you back. I’ll do
it to-morrow, while the drawing’s good.”
“And queer yourself at the start?”
said Edith scornfully. “Talk sense, Mabel,
I’m up against it, but don’t you worry.
I’ll get something.”
But she did not get anything.
She was reduced in the next week to entire dependence
on the other girl. And, even with such miracles
of management as they had both learned, it was increasingly
difficult to get along.
There was a new element too.
Edith was incredulous at first, but at last she faced
it. There was a change in Mabel. She was
not less hospitable nor less generous. It was
a matter of a point of view. Success was going
to her head. Her indignation at certain phases
of life was changing to tolerance. She found
Edith’s rampant virtue a trifle wearing.
She took to staying out very late, and coming in ready
to meet Edith’s protest with defiant gaiety.
She bought clothes too.
“You’ll have to pay for
them sometime,” Edith reminded her.
“I should worry. I’ve
got to look like something if I’m going to go
out at all.”
Edith, who had never thought things
out before, had long hours to think now. And
the one thing that seemed clear and undeniable was
that she must not drive Mabel into debt. Debt
was the curse of most of the girls she knew.
As long as they were on their own they could manage.
It was the burden of unpaid bills, lightly contracted,
that drove so many of them wrong.
That night, while Mabel was asleep,
she got up and cautiously lighted the gas. Then
she took the boy’s photograph out of its hiding
place and propped it on top of her trunk. For
a long time she sat there, her chin in her hands,
and looked at it.
It was the next day that she saw his
name among the missing.
She did not cry, not at first.
The time came when it seemed to her she did nothing
else. But at first she only stared. She was
too young and too strong to faint, but things went
gray for her.
And gray they remained through
long spring days and eternal nights days
when Mabel slept all morning, rehearsed or played in
the afternoons, was away all evening and far into the
night. She did not eat or sleep. She spent
money that was meant for food on papers and journals
and searched for news. She made a frantic but
ineffectual effort to get into the War Office.
She had received his letter two days
after she had seen his name among the missing.
She had hardly dared to open it, but having read it,
for days she went round with a strange air of consecration
that left Mabel uneasy.
“I wish you wouldn’t look
like that!” she said one morning. “You
get on my nerves.”
But as time went on the feeling that
he was dead overcame everything else. She despaired,
rather than grieved. And following despair came
recklessness. He was dead. Nothing else mattered.
Lethway, meeting her one day in Oxford Circus, almost
passed her before he knew her. He stopped her
then.
“Haven’t been sick, have you?”
“Me? No.”
“There’s something wrong.”
She did not deny it and he fell into step beside her.
“Doing anything?” he asked.
She shook her head. With all
the power that was in her she was hating his tall
figure, his heavy-lashed eyes, even the familiar ulster
he wore.
“I wish you were a sensible
young person,” he said. But something in
the glance she gave him forbade his going on.
It was not an ugly glance. Rather it was cold,
appraising even, if he had known it, despairing.
Lethway had been busy. She had
been in the back of his mind rather often, but other
things had crowded her out. This new glimpse of
her fired him again, however. And she had a new
quality that thrilled even through the callus of his
soul. The very thing that had foredoomed her
to failure in the theatre appealed to him strongly a
refinement, a something he did not analyse.
When she was about to leave him he
detained her with a hand on her arm.
“You know you can always count
on me, don’t you?” he said.
“I know I can’t,”
she flashed back at him with a return of her old spirit.
“I’m crazy about you.”
“Old stuff!” she said
coolly, and walked off. But there was a tug of
fear at her heart. She told Mabel, but it was
typical of the change that Mabel only shrugged her
shoulders.
It was Lethway’s shrewdness
that led to his next move. He had tried bullying,
and failed. He had tried fear, with the same lack
of effect. Now he tried kindness.
She distrusted him at first, but her
starved heart was crying out for the very thing he
offered her. As the weeks went on, with no news
of Cecil, she accepted his death stoically at last.
Something of her had died. But in a curious way
the boy had put his mark on her. And as she grew
more like the thing he had thought her to be the gulf
between Mabel and herself widened. They had, at
last, only in common their room, their struggle, the
contacts of their daily life.
And Lethway was now always in the
background. He took her for quiet meals and brought
her home early. He promised her that sometime
he would see that she got back home.
“But not just yet,” he
added as her colour rose. “I’m selfish,
Edith. Give me a little time to be happy.”
That was a new angle. It had
been a part of the boy’s quiet creed to make
others happy.
“Why don’t you give me
something to do, since you’re so crazy to have
me hanging about?”
“Can’t do it. I’m
not the management. And they’re sore at
you. They think you threw them down.”
He liked to air his American slang.
Edith cupped her chin in her hand
and looked at him. There was no mystery about
the situation, no shyness in the eyes with which she
appraised him. She was beginning to like him too.
That night when she got back to Mabel’s
apartment her mood was reckless. She went to
the window and stood looking at the crooked and chimney-potted
skyline that was London.
“Oh, what’s the use?”
she said savagely, and gave up the fight.
When Mabel came home she told her.
“I’m going to get out,” she said
without preamble.
She caught the relief in Mabel’s
face, followed by a purely conventional protest.
“Although,” she hedged
cautiously, “I don’t know, dearie.
People look at things sensibly these days. You’ve
got to live, haven’t you? They’re
mighty quick to jail a girl who tries to jump in the
river when she’s desperate.”
“I’ll probably end there. And I don’t
much care.”
Mabel gave her a good talking to about
that. Her early training had been in a church
which regarded self-destruction as a cardinal sin.
Then business acumen asserted itself:
“He’ll probably put you
on somewhere. He’s crazy about you, Ede.”
But Edith was not listening.
She was standing in front of her opened trunk tearing
into small pieces something that had been lying in
the tray.
VII
Now the boy had tried very hard to
die, and failed. The thing that had happened
to him was an unbelievable thing. When he began
to use his tired faculties again, when the ward became
not a shadow land but a room, and the nurse not a
presence but a woman, he tried feebly to move his
right arm.
But it was gone.
At first he refused to believe it.
He could feel it lying there beside him. It ached
and throbbed. The fingers were cramped. But
when he looked it was not there.
There was not one shock of discovery,
but many. For each time he roused from sleep
he had forgotten, and must learn the thing again.
The elderly German woman stayed close.
She was wise, and war had taught her many things.
So when he opened his eyes she was always there.
She talked to him very often of his mother, and he
listened with his eyes on her face eyes
like those of a sick child.
In that manner they got by the first few days.
“It won’t make any difference
to her,” he said once. “She’d
take me back if I was only a fragment.”
Then bitterly: “That’s all I am a
fragment! A part of a man!”
After a time she knew that there was
a some one else, some one he was definitely relinquishing.
She dared not speak to him about it. His young
dignity was militant. But one night, as she dozed
beside him in the chair, he reached the limit of his
repression and told her.
“An actress!” she cried,
sitting bolt upright. “Du lieber an
actress!”
“Not an actress,” he corrected
her gravely. “A a dancer.
But good. She’s a very good girl.
Even when I was was whole” raging
bitterness there “I was not good enough
for her.”
“No actress is good. And dancers!”
“You don’t know what you
are talking about,” he said roughly, and turned
his back to her. It was almost insulting to have
her assist him to his attitude of contempt, and to
prop him in it with pillows behind his back.
Lying there he tried hard to remember that this woman
belonged to his hereditary foes. He was succeeding
in hating her when he felt her heavy hand on his head.
“Poor boy! Poor little
one!” she said. And her voice was husky.
When at last he was moved from the
hospital to the prison camp she pinned the sleeve
of his ragged uniform across his chest and kissed
him, to his great discomfiture. Then she went
to the curtained corner that was her quarters and
wept long and silently.
The prison camp was overcrowded.
Early morning and late evening prisoners were lined
up to be counted. There was a medley of languages French,
English, Arabic, Russian. The barracks were built
round a muddy inclosure in which the men took what
exercise they could.
One night a boy with a beautiful tenor
voice sang Auld Lang Syne under the boy’s window.
He stood with his hand on the cuff of his empty sleeves
and listened. And suddenly a great shame filled
him, that with so many gone forever, with men dying
every minute of every hour, back at the lines, he
had been so obsessed with himself. He was still
bitter, but the bitterness was that he could not go
back again and fight.
When he had been in the camp a month
he helped two British officers to escape. One
of them had snubbed him in London months before.
He apologised before he left.
“You’re a man, Hamilton,”
he said. “All you Canadians are men.
I’ve some things to tell when I get home.”
The boy could not go with them.
There would be canals to swim across, and there was
his empty sleeve and weakness. He would never
swim again, he thought. That night, as he looked
at the empty beds of the men who had gone, he remembered
his medals and smiled grimly.
He was learning to use his left hand.
He wrote letters home with it for soldiers who could
not write. He went into the prison hospital and
wrote letters for those who would never go home.
But he did not write to the girl.
He went back at last, when the hopelessly
wounded were exchanged. To be branded “hopelessly
wounded” was to him a stain, a stigma. It
put him among the clutterers of the earth. It
stranded him on the shore of life. Hopelessly
wounded!
For, except what would never be whole,
he was well again. True, confinement and poor
food had kept him weak and white. His legs had
a way of going shaky at nightfall. But once he
knocked down an insolent Russian with his left hand,
and began to feel his own man again. That the
Russian was weak from starvation did not matter.
The point to the boy was that he had made the attempt.
Providence has a curious way of letting
two lives run along, each apparently independent of
the other. Parallel lines they seem, hopeless
of meeting. Converging lines really, destined,
through long ages, by every deed that has been done
to meet at a certain point and there fuse.
Edith had left Mabel, but not to go
to Lethway. When nothing else remained that way
was open. She no longer felt any horror only
a great distaste. But two weeks found her at
her limit. She, who had rarely had more than
just enough, now had nothing.
And no glory of sacrifice upheld her.
She no longer believed that by removing the burden
of her support she could save Mabel. It was clear
that Mabel would not be saved. To go back and
live on her, under the circumstances, was but a degree
removed from the other thing that confronted her.
There is just a chance that, had she
not known the boy, she would have killed herself.
But again the curious change he had worked in her
manifested itself. He thought suicide a wicked
thing.
“I take it like this,”
he had said in his eager way: “life’s
a thing that’s given us for some purpose.
Maybe the purpose gets clouded I’m
afraid I’m an awful duffer at saying what I mean.
But we’ve got to work it out, do you see?
Or or the whole scheme is upset.”
It had seemed very clear then.
Then, on a day when the rare sun made
even the rusty silk hats of clerks on tops of omnibuses
to gleam, when the traffic glittered on the streets
and the windows of silversmiths’ shops shone
painful to the eye, she met Lethway again.
The sun had made her reckless.
Since the boy was gone life was wretchedness, but
she clung to it. She had given up all hope of
Cecil’s return, and what she became mattered
to no one else.
Perhaps, more than anything else,
she craved companionship. In all her crowded
young life she had never before been alone. Companionship
and kindness. She would have followed to heel,
like a dog, for a kind word.
Then she met Lethway. They walked
through the park. When he left her her once clear,
careless glance had a suggestion of furtiveness in
it.
That afternoon she packed her trunk
and sent it to an address he had given her. In
her packing she came across the stick of cold cream,
still in the pocket of the middy blouse. She flung
it, as hard as she could, across the room.
She paid her bill with money Lethway
had given her. She had exactly a sixpence of
her own. She found herself in Trafalgar Square
late in the afternoon. The great enlisting posters
there caught her eye, filled her with bitterness.
“Your king and your country
need you,” she read. She had needed the
boy, too, but this vast and impersonal thing, his mother
country, had taken him from her taken him
and lost him. She wanted to stand by the poster
and cry to the passing women to hold their men back.
As she now knew she hated Lethway, she hated England.
She wandered on. Near Charing
Cross she spent the sixpence for a bunch of lilies
of the valley, because he had said once that she was
like them. Then she was for throwing them in the
street, remembering the thing she would soon be.
“For the wounded soldiers,”
said the flower girl. When she comprehended that,
she made her way into the station. There was a
great crowd, but something in her face made the crowd
draw back and let her through. They nudged each
other as she passed.
“Looking for some one, poor
child!” said a girl and, following her, thrust
the flowers she too carried into Edith’s hand.
She put them with the others, rather dazed.
To Cecil the journey had been a series
of tragedies. Not his own. There were two
hundred of them, officers and men, on the boat across
the Channel. Blind, maimed, paralysed, in motley
garments, they were hilariously happy. Every
throb of the turbine engines was a thrust toward home.
They sang, they cheered.
Now and then some one would shout:
“Are we downhearted?” And crutches and
canes would come down on the deck to the unanimous
shout: “No!”
Folkestone had been trying, with its
parade of cheerfulness, with kindly women on the platform
serving tea and buns. In the railway coach to
London, where the officers sat, a talking machine played
steadily, and there were masses of flowers, violets
and lilies of the valley. At Charing Cross was
a great mass of people, and as they slowly disembarked
he saw that many were crying. He was rather surprised.
He had known London as a cold and unemotional place.
It had treated him as an alien, had snubbed and ignored
him.
He had been prepared to ask nothing
of London, and it lay at his feet in tears.
Then he saw Edith.
Perhaps, when in the fullness of years
the boy goes over to the life he so firmly believes
awaits him, the one thing he will carry with him through
the open door will be the look in her eyes when she
saw him. Too precious a thing to lose, surely,
even then. Such things make heaven.
“What did I tell you?”
cried the girl who had given Edith her flowers.
“She has found him. See, he has lost his
arm. Look out catch him!”
But he did not faint. He went
even whiter, and looking at Edith he touched his empty
sleeve.
“As if that would make any difference
to her!” said the girl, who was in black.
“Look at her face! She’s got him.”
Neither Edith nor the boy could speak.
He was afraid of unmanly tears. His dignity was
very dear to him. And the tragedy of his empty
sleeve had her by the throat. So they went out
together and the crowd opened to let them by.
At nine o’clock that night Lethway
stormed through the stage entrance of the theatre
and knocked viciously at the door of Mabel’s
dressing room. Receiving no attention, he opened
the door and went in.
The room was full of flowers, and
Mabel, ready to go on, was having her pink toes rouged
for her barefoot dance.
“You’ve got a nerve!” she said coolly.
“Where’s Edith?”
“I don’t know and I don’t
care. She ran away, when I was stinting myself
to keep her. I’m done. Now you go out
and close that door, and when you want to enter a
lady’s dressing room, knock.”
He looked at her with blazing hatred.
“Right-o!” was all he
said. And he turned and left her to her flowers.
At exactly the same time Edith was
entering the elevator of a small, very respectable
hotel in Kensington. The boy, smiling, watched
her in.
He did not kiss her, greatly to the
disappointment of the hall porter. As the elevator
rose the boy stood at salute, the fingers of his left
hand to the brim of his shabby cap. In his eyes,
as they followed her, was all that there is of love love
and a new understanding.
She had told him, and now he knew.
His creed was still the same. Right was right
and wrong was wrong. But he had learned of that
shadowy No Man’s Land between the lines, where
many there were who fought their battles and were
wounded, and even died.
As he turned and went out two men
on crutches were passing along the quiet street.
They recognised him in the light of the doorway, and
stopped in front of him. Their voices rang out
in cheerful unison:
“Are we downhearted? No!”
Their crutches struck the pavement with a resounding
thump.