I will not attempt to give any detailed
account of the state of the town during this evening.
For myself I was utterly worn out, and went to rest
as soon as M. de Clairon left me, having
satisfied, as well as I could, the questions of the
women. Even in the intensest excitement weary
nature will claim her dues. I slept. I can
even remember the grateful sense of being able to
put all anxieties and perplexities aside for the moment,
as I went to sleep. I felt the drowsiness gain
upon me, and I was glad. To forget was of itself
a happiness. I woke up, however, intensely awake,
and in perfect possession of all my faculties, while
it was yet dark; and at once got up and began to dress.
The moment of hesitation which generally follows waking the
little interval of thought in which one turns over
perhaps that which is past, perhaps that which is
to come found no place within me. I
got up without a moment’s pause, like one who
has been called to go on a journey; nor did it surprise
me at all to see my wife moving about, taking a cloak
from her wardrobe, and putting up linen in a bag.
She was already fully dressed; but she asked no questions
of me any more than I did of her. We were in
haste, though we said nothing. When I had dressed,
I looked round me to see if I had forgotten anything,
as one does when one leaves a place. I saw my
watch suspended to its usual hook, and my pocketbook,
which I had taken from my pocket on the previous night.
I took up also the light overcoat which I had worn
when I made my rounds through the city on the first
night of the darkness. ‘Now,’ I said,
‘Agnes, I am ready.’ I did not speak
to her of where we were going, nor she to me.
Little Jean and my mother met us at the door.
Nor did she say anything, contrary to her custom;
and the child was quite quiet. We went downstairs
together without saying a word. The servants,
who were all astir, followed us. I cannot give
any description of the feelings that were in my mind.
I had not any feelings. I was only hurried out,
hastened by something which I could not define a
sense that I must go; and perhaps I was too much astonished
to do anything but yield. It seemed, however,
to be no force or fear that was moving me, but a desire
of my own; though I could not tell how it was, or
why I should be so anxious to get away. All the
servants, trooping after me, had the same look in their
faces; they were anxious to be gone it
seemed their business to go there was no
question, no consultation. And when we came out
into the street, we encountered a stream of processions
similar to our own. The children went quite steadily
by the side of their parents. Little Jean, for
example, on an ordinary occasion would have broken
away would have run to his comrades of
the Bois-Sombre family, and they to him. But no;
the little ones, like ourselves, walked along quite
gravely. They asked no questions, neither did
we ask any questions of each other, as, ’Where
are you going?’ or, ‘What is the meaning
of a so-early promenade?’ Nothing of the kind;
my mother took my arm, and my wife, leading little
Jean by the hand, came to the other side. The
servants followed. The street was quite full
of people; but there was no noise except the sound
of their footsteps. All of us turned the same
way turned towards the gates and
though I was not conscious of any feeling except the
wish to go on, there were one or two things which
took a place in my memory. The first was, that
my wife suddenly turned round as we were coming out
of the porte-cochere, her face lighting up.
I need not say to any one who knows Madame Dupin de
la Clairiere, that she is a beautiful woman.
Without any partiality on my part, it would be impossible
for me to ignore this fact: for it is perfectly
well known and acknowledged by all. She was pale
this morning a little paler than usual;
and her blue eyes enlarged, with a serious look, which
they always retain more or less. But suddenly,
as we went out of the door, her face lighted up, her
eyes were suffused with tears with light how
can I tell what it was? they became like
the eyes of angels. A little cry came from her
parted lips she lingered a moment, stooping
down as if talking to some one less tall than herself,
then came after us, with that light still in her face.
At the moment I was too much occupied to enquire what
it was; but I noted it, even in the gravity of the
occasion. The next thing I observed was M. le
Cure, who, as I have already indicated, is a man of
great composure of manner and presence of mind, coming
out of the door of the Presbytery. There was
a strange look on his face of astonishment and reluctance.
He walked very slowly, not as we did, but with a visible
desire to turn back, folding his arms across his breast,
and holding himself as if against the wind, resisting
some gale which blew behind him, and forced him on.
We felt no gale; but there seemed to be a strange
wind blowing along the side of the street on which
M. le Cure was. And there was an air of
concealed surprise in his face great astonishment,
but a determination not to let any one see that he
was astonished, or that the situation was strange
to him. And I cannot tell how it was, but I,
too, though pre-occupied, was surprised to perceive
that M. le Cure was going with the rest of us,
though I could not have told why.
Behind M. le Cure there was another
whom I remarked. This was Jacques Richard, he
of whom I have already spoken. He was like a figure
I have seen somewhere in sculpture. No one was
near him, nobody touching him, and yet it was only
necessary to look at the man to perceive that he was
being forced along against his will. Every limb
was in resistance; his feet were planted widely yet
firmly upon the pavement; one of his arms was stretched
out as if to lay hold on anything that should come
within reach. M. le Cure resisted passively;
but Jacques resisted with passion, laying his back
to the wind, and struggling not to be carried away.
Notwithstanding his resistance, however, this rough
figure was driven along slowly, struggling at every
step. He did not make one movement that was not
against his will, but still he was driven on.
On our side of the street all went, like ourselves,
calmly. My mother uttered now and then a low
moan, but said nothing. She clung to my arm,
and walked on, hurrying a little, sometimes going quicker
than I intended to go. As for my wife, she accompanied
us with her light step, which scarcely seemed to touch
the ground, little Jean pattering by her side.
Our neighbours were all round us. We streamed
down, as in a long procession, to the Porte St. Lambert.
It was only when we got there that the strange character
of the step we were all taking suddenly occurred to
me. It was still a kind of grey twilight, not
yet day. The bells of the Cathedral had begun
to toll, which was very startling not ringing
in their cheerful way, but tolling as if for a funeral;
and no other sound was audible but the noise of footsteps,
like an army making a silent march into an enemy’s
country. We had reached the gate when a sudden
wondering came over me. Why were we all going
out of our houses in the wintry dusk to which our
July days had turned? I stopped, and turning
round, was about to say something to the others, when
I became suddenly aware that here I was not my own
master. My tongue clave to the root of my mouth;
I could not say a word. Then I myself was turned
round, and softly, firmly, irresistibly pushed out
of the gate. My mother, who clung to me, added
a little, no doubt, to the force against me, whatever
it was, for she was frightened, and opposed herself
to any endeavour on my part to regain freedom of movement;
but all that her feeble force could do against mine
must have been little. Several other men around
me seemed to be moved as I was. M. Barbou, for
one, made a still more decided effort to turn back,
for, being a bachelor, he had no one to restrain him.
Him I saw turned round as you would turn a roulette.
He was thrown against my wife in his tempestuous course,
and but that she was so light and elastic in her tread,
gliding out straight and softly like one of the saints,
I think he must have thrown her down. And at
that moment, silent as we all were, his ’Pardon,
Madame, mille pardons, Madame,’ and his
tone of horror at his own indiscretion, seemed to
come to me like a voice out of another life. Partially
roused before by the sudden impulse of resistance
I have described, I was yet more roused now.
I turned round, disengaging myself from my mother.
‘Where are we going? why are we thus cast forth?
My friends, help!’ I cried. I looked round
upon the others, who, as I have said, had also awakened
to a possibility of resistance. M. de Bois-Sombre,
without a word, came and placed himself by my side;
others started from the crowd. We turned to resist
this mysterious impulse which had sent us forth.
The crowd surged round us in the uncertain light.
Just then there was a dull soft sound,
once, twice, thrice repeated. We rushed forward,
but too late. The gates were closed upon us.
The two folds of the great Porte St. Lambert, and
the little postern for foot-passengers, all at once,
not hurriedly, as from any fear of us, but slowly,
softly, rolled on their hinges and shut in
our faces. I rushed forward with all my force
and flung myself upon the gate. To what use?
it was so closed as no mortal could open it. They
told me after, for I was not aware at the moment,
that I burst forth with cries and exclamations, bidding
them ‘Open, open in the name of God!’ I
was not aware of what I said, but it seemed to me
that I heard a voice of which nobody said anything
to me, so that it would seem to have been unheard
by the others, saying with a faint sound as of a trumpet,
’Closed in the name of God.’
It might be only an echo, faintly brought back to me,
of the words I had myself said.
There was another change, however,
of which no one could have any doubt. When I
turned round from these closed doors, though the moment
before the darkness was such that we could not see
the gates closing, I found the sun shining gloriously
round us, and all my fellow-citizens turning with
one impulse, with a sudden cry of joy, to hail the
full day.
Le grand jour! Never in my
life did I feel the full happiness of it, the full
sense of the words before. The sun burst out into
shining, the birds into singing. The sky stretched
over us deep and unfathomable and blue, the
grass grew under our feet, a soft air of morning blew
upon us; waving the curls of the children, the veils
of the women, whose faces were lit up by the beautiful
day. After three days of darkness what a resurrection!
It seemed to make up to us for the misery of being
thus expelled from our homes. It was early, and
all the freshness of the morning was upon the road
and the fields, where the sun had just dried the dew.
The river ran softly, reflecting the blue sky.
How black it had been, deep and dark as a stream of
ink, when I had looked down upon it from the Mont
St. Lambert! and now it ran as clear and free as the
voice of a little child. We all shared this moment
of joy for to us of the South the sunshine
is as the breath of life, and to be deprived of it
had been terrible. But when that first pleasure
was over, the evidence of our strange position forced
itself upon us with overpowering reality and force,
made stronger by the very light. In the dimness
it had not seemed so certain; now, gazing at each
other in the clear light of the natural morning, we
saw what had happened to us. No more delusion
was possible. We could not flatter ourselves
now that it was a trick or a deception. M. le
Clairon stood there like the rest of us, staring
at the closed gates which science could not open.
And there stood M. le Cure, which was more remarkable
still. The Church herself had not been able to
do anything. We stood, a crowd of houseless exiles,
looking at each other, our children clinging to us,
our hearts failing us, expelled from our homes.
As we looked in each other’s faces we saw our
own trouble. Many of the women sat down and wept;
some upon the stones in the road, some on the grass.
The children took fright from them, and began to cry
too. What was to become of us? I looked round
upon this crowd with despair in my heart. It
was I to whom every one would look for lodging,
for direction everything that human creatures
want. It was my business to forget myself, though
I also had been driven from my home and my city.
Happily there was one thing I had left. In the
pocket of my overcoat was my scarf of office.
I stepped aside behind a tree, and took it out, and
tied it upon me. That was something. There
was thus a representative of order and law in the
midst of the exiles, whatever might happen. This
action, which a great number of the crowd saw, restored
confidence. Many of the poor people gathered round
me, and placed themselves near me, especially those
women who had no natural support. When M. le
Cure saw this, it seemed to make a great impression
upon him. He changed colour, he who was usually
so calm. Hitherto he had appeared bewildered,
amazed to find himself as others. This, I must
add, though you may perhaps think it superstitious,
surprised me very much too. But now he regained
his self-possession. He stepped upon a piece of
wood that lay in front of the gate. ’My
children’ he said. But just
then the Cathedral bells, which had gone on tolling,
suddenly burst into a wild peal. I do not know
what it sounded like. It was a clamour of notes
all run together, tone upon tone, without time or measure,
as though a multitude had seized upon the bells and
pulled all the ropes at once. If it was joy,
what strange and terrible joy! It froze the very
blood in our veins. M. le Cure became quite
pale. He stepped down hurriedly from the piece
of wood. We all made a hurried movement farther
off from the gate.
It was now that I perceived the necessity
of doing something, of getting this crowd disposed
of, especially the women and the children. I am
not ashamed to own that I trembled like the others;
and nothing less than the consciousness that all eyes
were upon me, and that my scarf of office marked me
out among all who stood around, could have kept me
from moving with precipitation as they did. I
was enabled, however, to retire at a deliberate pace,
and being thus slightly detached from the crowd, I
took advantage of the opportunity to address them.
Above all things, it was my duty to prevent a tumult
in these unprecedented circumstances. ‘My
friends,’ I said, ’the event which has
occurred is beyond explanation for the moment.
The very nature of it is mysterious; the circumstances
are such as require the closest investigation.
But take courage. I pledge myself not to leave
this place till the gates are open, and you can return
to your homes; in the meantime, however, the women
and the children cannot remain here. Let those
who have friends in the villages near, go and ask
for shelter; and let all who will, go to my house
of La Clairiere. My mother, my wife!
recall to yourselves the position you occupy, and
show an example. Lead our neighbours, I entreat
you, to La Clairiere.’
My mother is advanced in years and
no longer strong, but she has a great heart.
‘I will go,’ she said. ’God
bless thee, my son! There will no harm happen;
for if this be true which we are told, thy father is
in Semur.’
There then occurred one of those incidents
for which calculation never will prepare us.
My mother’s words seemed, as it were to open
the flood-gates; my wife came up to me with the light
in her face which I had seen when we left our own
door. ’It was our little Marie our
angel,’ she said. And then there arose a
great cry and clamour of others, both men and women
pressing round. ‘I saw my mother,’
said one, ‘who is dead twenty years come the
St. Jean.’ ‘And I my little Rene,’
said another. ‘And I my Camille, who was
killed in Africa.’ And lo, what did they
do, but rush towards the gate in a crowd that
gate from which they had but this moment fled in terror beating
upon it, and crying out, ’Open to us, open to
us, our most dear! Do you think we have forgotten
you? We have never forgotten you!’ What
could we do with them, weeping thus, smiling, holding
out their arms to we knew not what?
Even my Agnes was beyond my reach. Marie was our
little girl who was dead. Those who were thus
transported by a knowledge beyond ours were the weakest
among us; most of them were women, the men old or
feeble, and some children. I can recollect that
I looked for Paul Lecamus among them, with wonder
not to see him there. But though they were weak,
they were beyond our strength to guide. What could
we do with them? How could we force them away
while they held to the fancy that those they loved
were there? As it happens in times of emotion,
it was those who were most impassioned who took the
first place. We were at our wits’ end.
But while we stood waiting, not knowing
what to do, another sound suddenly came from the walls,
which made them all silent in a moment. The most
of us ran to this point and that (some taking flight
altogether; but with the greater part anxious curiosity
and anxiety had for the moment extinguished fear),
in a wild eagerness to see who or what it was.
But there was nothing to be seen, though the sound
came from the wall close to the Mont St. Lambert,
which I have already described. It was to me
like the sound of a trumpet, and so I heard others
say; and along with the trumpet were sounds as of words,
though I could not make them out. But those others
seemed to understand they grew calmer they
ceased to weep. They raised their faces, all with
that light upon them that light I had seen
in my Agnes. Some of them fell upon their knees.
Imagine to yourself what a sight it was, all of us
standing round, pale, stupefied, without a word to
say! Then the women suddenly burst forth into
replies ’Oui, ma cherie! Oui,
mon ange!’ they cried. And while we
looked they rose up; they came back, calling the children
around them. My Agnes took that place which I
had bidden her take. She had not hearkened to
me, to leave me but she hearkened now;
and though I had bidden her to do this, yet to see
her do it bewildered me, made my heart stand still.
‘Mon ami,’ she said, ’I must
leave thee; it is commanded: they will not have
the children suffer.’ What could we do?
We stood pale and looked on, while all the little
ones, all the feeble, were gathered in a little army.
My mother stood like me to her nothing
had been revealed. She was very pale, and there
was a quiver of pain in her lips. She was the
one who had been ready to do my bidding: but
there was a rebellion in her heart now. When the
procession was formed (for it was my care to see that
everything was done in order), she followed, but among
the last. Thus they went away, many of them weeping,
looking back, waving their hands to us. My Agnes
covered her face, she could not look at me; but she
obeyed. They went some to this side, some to
that, leaving us gazing. For a long time we did
nothing but watch them, going along the roads.
What had their angels said to them? Nay, but
God knows. I heard the sound; it was like the
sound of the silver trumpets that travellers talk of;
it was like music from heaven. I turned to M.
le Cure, who was standing by. ‘What
is it?’ I cried, ’you are their director you
are an ecclesiastic you know what belongs
to the unseen. What is this that has been said
to them?’ I have always thought well of M. le
Cure. There were tears running down his cheeks.
‘I know not,’ he said.
’I am a miserable like the rest. What they
know is between God and them. Me! I have
been of the world, like the rest.’
This is how we were left alone the
men of the city to take what means were
best to get back to our homes. There were several
left among us who had shared the enlightenment of
the women, but these were not persons of importance
who could put themselves at the head of affairs.
And there were women who remained with us, but these
not of the best. To see our wives go was very
strange to us; it was the thing we wished most to see,
the women and children in safety; yet it was a strange
sensation to see them go. For me, who had the
charge of all on my hands, the relief was beyond description yet
was it strange; I cannot describe it. Then I
called upon M. Barbou, who was trembling like a leaf,
and gathered the chief of the citizens about me, including
M. le Cure, that we should consult together what
we should do.
I know no words that can describe
our state in the strange circumstances we were now
placed in. The women and the children were safe:
that was much. But we we were like
an army suddenly formed, but without arms, without
any knowledge of how to fight, without being able to
see our enemy. We Frenchmen have not been without
knowledge of such perils. We have seen the invader
enter our doors; we have been obliged to spread our
table for him, and give him of our best. But to
be put forth by forces no man could resist to
be left outside, with the doors of our own houses
closed upon us to be confronted by nothing by
a mist, a silence, a darkness, this was
enough to paralyse the heart of any man. And
it did so, more or less, according to the nature of
those who were exposed to the trial. Some altogether
failed us, and fled, carrying the news into the country,
where most people laughed at there, as we understood
afterwards. Some could do nothing but sit and
gaze, huddled together in crowds, at the cloud over
Semur, from which they expected to see fire burst
and consume the city altogether. And a few, I
grieve to say, took possession of the little cabaret,
which stands at about half a kilometre from the St.
Lambert gate, and established themselves there, in
hideous riot, which was the worst thing of all for
serious men to behold. Those upon whom I could
rely I formed into patrols to go round the city, that
no opening of a gate, or movement of those who were
within, should take place without our knowledge.
Such an emergency shows what men are. M. Barbou,
though in ordinary times he discharges his duties
as adjoint satisfactorily enough (though, it
need not be added, a good Maire who is acquainted
with his duties, makes the office of adjoint
of but little importance), was now found entirely useless.
He could not forget how he had been spun round and
tossed forth from the city gates. When I proposed
to put him at the head of a patrol, he had an attack
of the nerves. Before nightfall he deserted me
altogether, going off to his country-house, and taking
a number of his neighbours with him. ’How
can we tell when we may be permitted to return to the
town?’ he said, with his teeth chattering.
’M. le Maire, I adjure you to put yourself
in a place of safety.’
‘Sir,’ I said to him,
sternly, ’for one who deserts his post there
is no place of safety.’
But I do not think he was capable
of understanding me. Fortunately, I found in
M. le Cure a much more trustworthy coadjutor.
He was indefatigable; he had the habit of sitting
up to all hours, of being called at all hours, in
which our bourgeoisie, I cannot but acknowledge,
is wanting. The expression I have before described
of astonishment but of astonishment which
he wished to conceal never left his face.
He did not understand how such a thing could have been
permitted to happen while he had no share in it; and,
indeed, I will not deny that this was a matter of
great wonder to myself too.
The arrangements I have described
gave us occupation; and this had a happy effect upon
us in distracting our minds from what had happened;
for I think that if we had sat still and gazed at the
dark city we should soon have gone mad, as some did.
In our ceaseless patrols and attempts to find a way
of entrance, we distracted ourselves from the enquiry,
Who would dare to go in if the entrance were found?
In the meantime not a gate was opened, not a figure
was visible. We saw nothing, no more than if
Semur had been a picture painted upon a canvas.
Strange sights indeed met our eyes sights
which made even the bravest quail. The strangest
of them was the boats that would go down and up the
river, shooting forth from under the fortified bridge,
which is one of the chief features of our town, sometimes
with sails perfectly well managed, sometimes impelled
by oars, but with no one visible in them no
one conducting them. To see one of these boats
impelled up the stream, with no rower visible, was
a wonderful sight. M. de Clairon, who
was by my side, murmured something about a magnetic
current; but when I asked him sternly by what set
in motion, his voice died away in his moustache.
M. le Cure said very little: one saw his
lips move as he watched with us the passage of those
boats. He smiled when it was proposed by some
one to fire upon them. He read his Hours as he
went round at the head of his patrol. My fellow
townsmen and I conceived a great respect for him;
and he inspired pity in me also. He had been the
teacher of the Unseen among us, till the moment when
the Unseen was thus, as it were, brought within our
reach; but with the revelation he had nothing to do;
and it filled him with pain and wonder. It made
him silent; he said little about his religion, but
signed himself, and his lips moved. He thought
(I imagine) that he had displeased Those who are over
all.
When night came the bravest of us
were afraid. I speak for myself. It was
bright moonlight where we were, and Semur lay like
a blot between the earth and the sky, all dark:
even the Cathedral towers were lost in it; nothing
visible but the line of the ramparts, whitened outside
by the moon. One knows what black and strange
shadows are cast by the moonlight; and it seemed to
all of us that we did not know what might be lurking
behind every tree. The shadows of the branches
looked like terrible faces. I sent all my people
out on the patrols, though they were dropping with
fatigue. Rather that than to be mad with terror.
For myself, I took up my post as near the bank of
the river as we could approach; for there was a limit
beyond which we might not pass. I made the experiment
often; and it seemed to me, and to all that attempted
it, that we did reach the very edge of the stream;
but the next moment perceived that we were at a certain
distance, say twenty metres or thereabout. I
placed myself there very often, wrapping a cloak about
me to preserve me from the dew. (I may say that food
had been sent us, and wine from La Clairiere
and many other houses in the neighbourhood, where
the women had gone for this among other reasons, that
we might be nourished by them.) And I must here relate
a personal incident, though I have endeavoured not
to be egotistical. While I sat watching, I distinctly
saw a boat, a boat which belonged to myself, lying
on the very edge of the shadow. The prow, indeed,
touched the moonlight where it was cut clean across
by the darkness; and this was how I discovered that
it was the Marie, a pretty pleasure-boat which had
been made for my wife. The sight of it made my
heart beat; for what could it mean but that some one
who was dear to me, some one in whom I took an interest,
was there? I sprang up from where I sat to make
another effort to get nearer; but my feet were as
lead, and would not move; and there came a singing
in my ears, and my blood coursed through my veins as
in a fever. Ah! was it possible? I, who
am a man, who have resolution, who have courage, who
can lead the people, I was afraid! I sat down
again and wept like a child. Perhaps it was my
little Marie that was in the boat. God, He knows
if I loved thee, my little angel! but I was afraid.
O how mean is man! though we are so proud. They
came near to me who were my own, and it was borne
in upon my spirit that my good father was with the
child; but because they had died I was afraid.
I covered my face with my hands. Then it seemed
to me that I heard a long quiver of a sigh; a long,
long breath, such as sometimes relieves a sorrow that
is beyond words. Trembling, I uncovered my eyes.
There was nothing on the edge of the moonlight; all
was dark, and all was still, the white radiance making
a clear line across the river, but nothing more.
If my Agnes had been with me she would
have seen our child, she would have heard that voice!
The great cold drops of moisture were on my forehead.
My limbs trembled, my heart fluttered in my bosom.
I could neither listen nor yet speak. And those
who would have spoken to me, those who loved me, sighing,
went away. It is not possible that such wretchedness
should be credible to noble minds; and if it had not
been for pride and for shame, I should have fled away
straight to La Clairiere, to Put myself
under shelter, to have some one near me who was less
a coward than I. I, upon whom all the others relied,
the Maire of the Commune! I make my confession.
I was of no more force than this.
A voice behind me made me spring to
my feet the leap of a mouse would have
driven me wild. I was altogether demoralised.
’Monsieur le Maire, it is but I,’
said some one quite humble and frightened.
‘Tiens! it
is thou, Jacques!’ I said. I could have
embraced him, though it is well known how little I
approve of him. But he was living, he was a man
like myself. I put out my hand, and felt him warm
and breathing, and I shall never forget the ease that
came to my heart. Its beating calmed. I
was restored to myself.
‘M. le Maire,’ he
said, ’I wish to ask you something. Is it
true all that is said about these people, I would
say, these Messieurs? I do not wish to speak
with disrespect, M. le Maire.’
‘What is it, Jacques, that is
said?’ I had called him ‘thou’ not
out of contempt, but because, for the moment, he seemed
to me as a brother, as one of my friends.
‘M. le Maire, is it indeed
les morts that are in Semur?’
He trembled, and so did I. ‘Jacques,’
I said, ’you know all that I know.’
’Yes, M. le Maire, it is
so, sure enough. I do not doubt it. If it
were the Prussians, a man could fight. But ces
Messieurs la! What I want to know is: is
it because of what you did to those little Sisters,
those good little ladies of St. Jean?’
’What I did? You were yourself
one of the complainants. You were of those who
said, when a man is ill, when he is suffering, they
torment him with their mass; it is quiet he wants,
not their mass. These were thy words, vaurien.
And now you say it was I!’
‘True, M. le Maire,’
said Jacques; ’but look you, when a man is better,
when he has just got well, when he feels he is safe,
then you should not take what he says for gospel.
It would be strange if one had a new illness just
when one is getting well of the old; and one feels
now is the time to enjoy one’s self, to kick
up one’s heels a little, while at least there
is not likely to be much of a watch kept up there the
saints forgive me,’ cried Jacques, trembling
and crossing himself, ’if I speak with levity
at such a moment! And the little ladies were very
kind. It was wrong to close their chapel, M. le
Maire. From that comes all our trouble.’
‘You good-for-nothing!’
I cried, ’it is you and such as you that are
the beginning of our trouble. You thought there
was no watch kept up there; you thought God
would not take the trouble to punish you; you went
about the streets of Semur tossing a grosse piece
of a hundred sous, and calling out, “There
is no God this is my god; l’argent,
c’est le bon Dieu."’
’M. le Maire, M. le
Maire, be silent, I implore you! It is enough
to bring down a judgment upon us.’
’It has brought down a judgment
upon us. Go thou and try what thy grosse piece
will do for thee now worship thy god.
Go, I tell you, and get help from your money.’
’I have no money, M. le
Maire, and what could money do here? We would
do much better to promise a large candle for the next
festival, and that the ladies of St. Jean ’
’Get away with thee to the end
of the world, thou and thy ladies of St. Jean!’
I cried; which was wrong, I do not deny it, for they
are good women, not like this good-for-nothing fellow.
And to think that this man, whom I despise, was more
pleasant to me than the dear souls who loved me!
Shame came upon me at the thought. I too, then,
was like the others, fearing the Unseen capable
of understanding only that which was palpable.
When Jacques slunk away, which he did for a few steps,
not losing sight of me, I turned my face towards the
river and the town. The moonlight fell upon the
water, white as silver where that line of darkness
lay, shining, as if it tried, and tried in vain, to
penetrate Semur; and between that and the blue sky
overhead lay the city out of which we had been driven
forth the city of the dead. ‘O
God,’ I cried, ’whom I know not, am not
I to Thee as my little Jean is to me, a child and
less than a child? Do not abandon me in this darkness.
Would I abandon him were he ever so disobedient?
And God, if thou art God, Thou art a better father
than I.’ When I had said this, my heart
was a little relieved. It seemed to me that I
had spoken to some one who knew all of us, whether
we were dead or whether we were living. That is
a wonderful thing to think of, when it appears to
one not as a thing to believe, but as something that
is real. It gave me courage. I got up and
went to meet the patrol which was coming in, and found
that great good-for-nothing Jacques running close
after me, holding my cloak. ’Do not send
me away, M. le Maire,’ he said, ‘I
dare not stay by myself with them so near.’
Instead of his money, in which he had trusted, it was
I who had become his god now.