We re-entered by the door for foot-passengers
which is by the side of the great Porte St. Lambert.
I will not deny that my heart was,
as one may say, in my throat. A man does what
is his duty, what his fellow-citizens expect of him;
but that is not to say that he renders himself callous
to natural emotion. My veins were swollen, the
blood coursing through them like a high-flowing river;
my tongue was parched and dry. I am not ashamed
to admit that from head to foot my body quivered and
trembled. I was afraid but I went
forward; no man can do more. As for M. le
Cure he said not a word. If he had any fears
he concealed them as I did. But his occupation
is with the ghostly and spiritual. To see men
die, to accompany them to the verge of the grave,
to create for them during the time of their suffering
after death (if it is true that they suffer), an interest
in heaven, this his profession must necessarily give
him courage. My position is very different.
I have not made up my mind upon these subjects.
When one can believe frankly in all the Church says,
many things become simple, which otherwise cause great
difficulty in the mind. The mysterious and wonderful
then find their natural place in the course of affairs;
but when a man thinks for himself, and has to take
everything on his own responsibility, and make all
the necessary explanations, there is often great difficulty.
So many things will not fit into their places, they
straggle like weary men on a march. One cannot
put them together, or satisfy one’s self.
The sun was shining outside the walls
when we re-entered Semur; but the first step we took
was into a gloom as black as night, which did not
re-assure us, it is unnecessary to say. A chill
was in the air, of night and mist. We shivered,
not with the nerves only but with the cold. And
as all was dark, so all was still. I had expected
to feel the presence of those who were there, as I
had felt the crowd of the invisible before they entered
the city. But the air was vacant, there was nothing
but darkness and cold. We went on for a little
way with a strange fervour of expectation. At
each moment, at each step, it seemed to me that some
great call must be made upon my self-possession and
courage, some event happen; but there was nothing.
All was calm, the houses on either side of the way
were open, all but the office of the octroi
which was black as night with its closed door.
M. le Cure has told me since that he believed
Them to be there, though unseen. This idea, however,
was not in my mind. I had felt the unseen multitude;
but here the air was free, there was no one interposing
between us, who breathed as men, and the walls that
surrounded us. Just within the gate a lamp was
burning, hanging to its rope over our heads; and the
lights were in the houses as if some one had left
them there; they threw a strange glimmer into the
darkness, flickering in the wind. By and by as
we went on the gloom lessened, and by the time we
had reached the Grande Rue, there was a clear steady
pale twilight by which we saw everything, as by the
light of day.
We stood at the corner of the square
and looked round. Although still I heard the
beating of my own pulses loudly working in my ears,
yet it was less terrible than at first. A city
when asleep is wonderful to look on, but in all the
closed doors and windows one feels the safety and repose
sheltered there which no man can disturb; and the air
has in it a sense of life, subdued, yet warm.
But here all was open, and all deserted. The
house of the miser Grosgain was exposed from the highest
to the lowest, but nobody was there to search for
what was hidden. The hotel de Bois-Sombre, with
its great porte-cochere, always so jealously
closed; and my own house, which my mother and wife
have always guarded so carefully, that no damp nor
breath of night might enter, had every door and window
wide open. Desolation seemed seated in all these
empty places. I feared to go into my own dwelling.
It seemed to me as if the dead must be lying within.
Bon Dieu! Not a soul, not a shadow; all vacant
in this soft twilight; nothing moving, nothing visible.
The great doors of the Cathedral were wide open, and
every little entry. How spacious the city looked,
how silent, how wonderful! There was room for
a squadron to wheel in the great square, but not so
much as a bird, not a dog; all pale and empty.
We stood for a long time (or it seemed a long time)
at the corner, looking right and left. We were
afraid to make a step farther. We knew not what
to do. Nor could I speak; there was much I wished
to say, but something stopped my voice.
At last M. le Cure found utterance.
His voice so moved the silence, that at first my heart
was faint with fear; it was hoarse, and the sound
rolled round the great square like muffled thunder.
One did not seem to know what strange faces might
rise at the open windows, what terrors might appear.
But all he said was, ‘We are ambassadors in vain.’
What was it that followed? My
teeth chattered. I could not hear. It was
as if ‘in vain! in vain!’ came
back in echoes, more and more distant from every opening.
They breathed all around us, then were still, then
returned louder from beyond the river. M. le
Cure, though he is a spiritual person, was no more
courageous than I. With one impulse, we put out our
hands and grasped each other. We retreated back
to back, like men hemmed in by foes, and I felt his
heart beating wildly, and he mine. Then silence,
silence settled all around.
It was now my turn to speak.
I would not be behind, come what might, though my
lips were parched with mental trouble.
I said, ‘Are we indeed too late?
Lecamus must have deceived himself.’
To this there came no echo and no
reply, which would be a relief, you may suppose; but
it was not so. It was well-nigh more appalling,
more terrible than the sound; for though we spoke
thus, we did not believe the place was empty.
Those whom we approached seemed to be wrapping themselves
in silence, invisible, waiting to speak with some awful
purpose when their time came.
There we stood for some minutes, like
two children, holding each other’s hands, leaning
against each other at the corner of the square as
helpless as children, waiting for what should come
next. I say it frankly, my brain and my heart
were one throb. They plunged and beat so wildly
that I could scarcely have heard any other sound.
In this respect I think he was more calm. There
was on his face that look of intense listening which
strains the very soul. But neither he nor I heard
anything, not so much as a whisper. At last, ‘Let
us go on,’ I said. We stumbled as we went,
with agitation and fear. We were afraid to turn
our backs to those empty houses, which seemed to gaze
at us with all their empty windows pale and glaring.
Mechanically, scarce knowing what I was doing, I made
towards my own house.
There was no one there. The rooms
were all open and empty. I went from one to another,
with a sense of expectation which made my heart faint;
but no one was there, nor anything changed. Yet
I do wrong to say that nothing was changed. In
my library, where I keep my books, where my father
and grandfather conducted their affairs, like me, one
little difference struck me suddenly, as if some one
had dealt me a blow. The old bureau which my
grandfather had used, at which I remember standing
by his knee, had been drawn from the corner where I
had placed it out of the way (to make room for the
furniture I preferred), and replaced, as in old times,
in the middle of the room. It was nothing; yet
how much was in this! though only myself could have
perceived it. Some of the old drawers were open,
full of old papers. I glanced over there in my
agitation, to see if there might be any writing, any
message addressed to me; but there was nothing, nothing
but this silent sign of those who had been here.
Naturally M. le Cure, who kept watch at the door,
was unacquainted with the cause of my emotion.
The last room I entered was my wife’s.
Her veil was lying on the white bed, as if she had
gone out that moment, and some of her ornaments were
on the table. It seemed to me that the atmosphere
of mystery which filled the rest of the house was
not here. A ribbon, a little ring, what nothings
are these? Yet they make even emptiness sweet.
In my Agnes’s room there is a little shrine,
more sacred to us than any altar. There is the
picture of our little Marie. It is covered with
a veil, embroidered with needlework which it is a
wonder to see. Not always can even Agnes bear
to look upon the face of this angel, whom God has
taken from her. She has worked the little curtain
with lilies, with white and virginal flowers; and no
hand, not even mine, ever draws it aside. What
did I see? The veil was boldly folded away; the
face of the child looked at me across her mother’s
bed, and upon the frame of the picture was laid a
branch of olive, with silvery leaves. I know
no more but that I uttered a great cry, and flung
myself upon my knees before this angel-gift. What
stranger could know what was in my heart? M.
le Cure, my friend, my brother, came hastily to
me, with a pale countenance; but when he looked at
me, he drew back and turned away his face, and a sob
came from his breast. Never child had called
him father, were it in heaven, were it on earth.
Well I knew whose tender fingers had placed the branch
of olive there.
I went out of the room and locked
the door. It was just that my wife should find
it where it had been laid.
I put my arm into his as we went out
once more into the street. That moment had made
us brother and brother. And this union made us
more strong. Besides, the silence and the emptiness
began to grow less terrible to us. We spoke in
our natural voices as we came out, scarcely knowing
how great was the difference between them and the whispers
which had been all we dared at first to employ.
Yet the sound of these louder tones scared us when
we heard them, for we were still trembling, not assured
of deliverance. It was he who showed himself a
man, not I; for my heart was overwhelmed, the tears
stood in my eyes, I had no strength to resist my impressions.
‘Martin Dupin,’ he said
suddenly, ’it is enough. We are frightening
ourselves with shadows. We are afraid even of
our own voices. This must not be. Enough!
Whosoever they were who have been in Semur, their
visitation is over, and they are gone.’
‘I think so,’ I said faintly;
‘but God knows.’ Just then something
passed me as sure as ever man passed me. I started
back out of the way and dropped my friend’s
arm, and covered my eyes with my hands. It was
nothing that could be seen; it was an air, a breath.
M. le Cure looked at me wildly; he was as a man
beside himself. He struck his foot upon the pavement
and gave a loud and bitter cry.
‘Is it delusion?’ he said,
’O my God! or shall not even this, not even
so much as this be revealed to me?’
To see a man who had so ruled himself,
who had resisted every disturbance and stood fast
when all gave way, moved thus at the very last to
cry out with passion against that which had been denied
to him, brought me back to myself. How often
had I read it in his eyes before! He the
priest the servant of the unseen yet
to all of us lay persons had that been revealed which
was hid from him. A great pity was within me,
and gave me strength. ‘Brother,’ I
said, ’we are weak. If we saw heaven opened,
could we trust to our vision now? Our imaginations
are masters of us. So far as mortal eye can see,
we are alone in Semur. Have you forgotten your
psalm, and how you sustained us at the first?
And now, your Cathedral is open to you, my brother.
Laetatus sum,’ I said. It was an
inspiration from above, and no thought of mine; for
it is well known, that though deeply respectful, I
have never professed religion. With one impulse
we turned, we went together, as in a procession, across
the silent place, and up the great steps. We said
not a word to each other of what we meant to do.
All was fair and silent in the holy place; a breath
of incense still in the air; a murmur of psalms (as
one could imagine) far up in the high roof. There
I served, while he said his mass. It was for
my friend that this impulse came to my mind; but I
was rewarded. The days of my childhood seemed
to come back to me. All trouble, and care, and
mystery, and pain, seemed left behind. All I
could see was the glimmer on the altar of the great
candle-sticks, the sacred pyx in its shrine, the chalice,
and the book. I was again an enfant de choeur
robed in white, like the angels, no doubt, no disquiet
in my soul and my father kneeling behind
among the faithful, bowing his head, with a sweetness
which I too knew, being a father, because it was his
child that tinkled the bell and swung the censer.
Never since those days have I served the mass.
My heart grew soft within me as the heart of a little
child. The voice of M. le Cure was full of
tears it swelled out into the air and filled
the vacant place. I knelt behind him on the steps
of the altar and wept.
Then there came a sound that made
our hearts leap in our bosoms. His voice wavered
as if it had been struck by a strong wind; but he was
a brave man, and he went on. It was the bells
of the Cathedral that pealed out over our heads.
In the midst of the office, while we knelt all alone,
they began to ring as at Easter or some great festival.
At first softly, almost sadly, like choirs of distant
singers, that died away and were echoed and died again;
then taking up another strain, they rang out into
the sky with hurrying notes and clang of joy.
The effect upon myself was wonderful. I no longer
felt any fear. The illusion was complete.
I was a child again, serving the mass in my little
surplice aware that all who loved me were
kneeling behind, that the good God was smiling, and
the Cathedral bells ringing out their majestic Amen.
M. le Cure came down the altar
steps when his mass was ended. Together we put
away the vestments and the holy vessels. Our hearts
were soft; the weight was taken from them. As
we came out the bells were dying away in long and
low echoes, now faint, now louder, like mingled voices
of gladness and regret. And whereas it had been
a pale twilight when we entered, the clearness of
the day had rolled sweetly in, and now it was fair
morning in all the streets. We did not say a word
to each other, but arm and arm took our way to the
gates, to open to our neighbours, to call all our
fellow-citizens back to Semur.
If I record here an incident of another
kind, it is because of the sequel that followed.
As we passed by the hospital of St. Jean, we heard
distinctly, coming from within, the accents of a feeble
yet impatient voice. The sound revived for a
moment the troubles that were stilled within us but
only for a moment. This was no visionary voice.
It brought a smile to the grave face of M. le
Cure and tempted me well nigh to laughter, so strangely
did this sensation of the actual, break and disperse
the visionary atmosphere. We went in without any
timidity, with a conscious relaxation of the great
strain upon us. In a little nook, curtained off
from the great ward, lay a sick man upon his bed.
‘Is it M. le Maire?’ he said; ’a
la bonne heure! I have a complaint
to make of the nurses for the night. They have
gone out to amuse themselves; they take no notice
of poor sick people. They have known for a week
that I could not sleep; but neither have they given
me a sleeping draught, nor endeavoured to distract
me with cheerful conversation. And to-day, look
you, M. le Maire, not one of the sisters has come
near me!’
‘Have you suffered, my poor
fellow?’ I said; but he would not go so far
as this.
’I don’t want to make
complaints, M. le Maire; but the sisters do not
come themselves as they used to do. One does not
care to have a strange nurse, when one knows that
if the sisters did their duty But if it
does not occur any more I do not wish it to be thought
that I am the one to complain.’
‘Do not fear, mon ami,’
I said. ’I will say to the Reverend Mother
that you have been left too long alone.’
‘And listen, M. le Maire,’
cried the man; ’those bells, will they never
be done? My head aches with the din they make.
How can one go to sleep with all that riot in one’s
ears?’
We looked at each other, we could
not but smile. So that which is joy and deliverance
to one is vexation to another. As we went out
again into the street the lingering music of the bells
died out, and (for the first time for all these terrible
days and nights) the great clock struck the hour.
And as the clock struck, the last cloud rose like a
mist and disappeared in flying vapours, and the full
sunshine of noon burst on Semur.