She had been talking of dying only
the evening before, with a friend, and had described
her own sensations after a long illness when she had
been at the point of death. “I suppose,”
she said, “that I was as nearly gone as any
one ever was to come back again. There was no
pain in it, only a sense of sinking down, down-through
the bed as if nothing could hold me or give me support
enough-but no pain.” And then
they had spoken of another friend in the same circumstances,
who also had come back from the very verge, and who
described her sensations as those of one floating
upon a summer sea without pain or suffering, in a lovely
nook of the Mediterranean, blue as the sky. These
soft and soothing images of the passage which all
men dread had been talked over with low voices, yet
with smiles and a grateful sense that “the warm
precincts of the cheerful day” were once more
familiar to both. And very cheerfully she went
to rest that night, talking of what was to be done
on the morrow, and fell asleep sweetly in her little
room, with its shaded light and curtained window,
and little pictures on the dim walls. All was
quiet in the house: soft breathing of the sleepers,
soft murmuring of the spring wind outside, a wintry
moon very clear and full in the skies, a little town
all hushed and quiet, everything lying defenceless,
unconscious, in the safe keeping of God.
How soon she woke no one can tell.
She woke and lay quite still, half roused, half hushed,
in that soft languor that attends a happy waking.
She was happy always in the peace of a heart that was
humble and faithful and pure, but yet had been used
to wake to a consciousness of little pains and troubles,
such as even to her meekness were sometimes hard to
bear. But on this morning there were none of these.
She lay in a kind of hush of happiness and ease, not
caring to make any further movement, lingering over
the sweet sensation of that waking. She had no
desire to move nor to break the spell of the silence
and peace. It was still very early, she supposed,
and probably it might be hours yet before any one
came to call her. It might even be that she should
sleep again. She had no wish to move, she lay
in such luxurious ease and calm. But by and by,
as she came to full possession of her waking senses,
it appeared to her that there was some change in the
atmosphere, in the scene. There began to steal
into the air about her the soft dawn as of a summer
morning, the lovely blueness of the first opening of
daylight before the sun. It could not be the
light of the moon which she had seen before she went
to bed; and all was so still that it could not be the
bustling wintry day which comes at that time of the
year late, to find the world awake before it.
This was different; it was like the summer dawn, a
soft suffusion of light growing every moment.
And by and by it occurred to her that she was not
in the little room where she had lain down. There
were no dim walls or roof, her little pictures were
all gone, the curtains at her window. The discovery
gave her no uneasiness in that delightful calm.
She lay still to think of it all, to wonder, yet undisturbed.
It half amused her that these things should be changed,
but did not rouse her yet with any shock of alteration.
The light grew fuller and fuller round, growing into
day, clearing her eyes from the sweet mist of the
first waking. Then she raised herself upon her
arm. She was not in her room, she was in no scene
she knew. Indeed it was scarcely a scene at all-nothing
but light, so soft and lovely that it soothed and
caressed her eyes. She thought all at once of
a summer morning when she was a child, when she had
woke in the deep night which yet was day, early-so
early that the birds were scarcely astir-and
had risen up with a delicious sense of daring, and
of being all alone in the mystery of the sunrise,
in the unawakened world which lay at her feet to be
explored, as if she were Eve just entering upon Eden.
It was curious how all those childish sensations,
long forgotten, came back to her as she found herself
so unexpectedly out of her sleep in the open air and
light. In the recollection of that lovely hour,
with a smile at herself, so different as she now knew
herself to be, she was moved to rise and look a little
more closely about her and see where she was.
When I call her a little Pilgrim,
I do not mean that she was a child; on the contrary,
she was not even young. She was little by nature,
with as little flesh and blood as was consistent with
mortal life; and she was one of those who are always
little for love. The tongue found diminutives
for her; the heart kept her in a perpetual youth.
She was so modest and so gentle that she always came
last so long as there was any one whom she could put
before her. But this little body, and the soul
which was not little, and the heart which was big and
great, had known all the round of sorrows that fill
a woman’s life, without knowing any of its warmer
blessings. She had nursed the sick, she had entertained
the weary, she had consoled the dying. She had
gone about the world, which had no prize nor recompense
for her, with a smile. Her little presence had
been always bright. She was not clever; you might
have said she had no mind at all; but so wise and
right and tender a heart that it was as good as genius.
This is to let you know what this little Pilgrim had
been.
She rose up, and it was strange how
like she felt to the child she remembered in that
still summer morning so many years ago. Her little
body, which had been worn and racked with pain, felt
as light and unconscious of itself as then. She
took her first step forward with the same sense of
pleasure, yet of awe, suppressed delight and daring
and wild adventure, yet perfect safety. But then
the recollection of the little room in which she had
fallen asleep came quickly, strangely over her, confusing
her mind. “I must be dreaming, I suppose,”
she said to herself regretfully; for it was all so
sweet that she wished it to be true. Her movement
called her attention to herself, and she found that
she was dressed, not in her night-dress, as she had
lain down, but in a dress she did not know. She
paused for a moment to look at it and wonder.
She had never seen it before; she did not make out
how it was made, or what stuff it was; but it fell
so pleasantly about her, it was so soft and light,
that in her confused state she abandoned that subject
with only an additional sense of pleasure. And
now the atmosphere became more distinct to her.
She saw that under her feet was a greenness as of
close velvet turf, both cool and warm, cool and soft
to touch, but with no damp in it, as might have been
at that early hour, and with flowers showing here
and there. She stood looking round her, not able
to identify the landscape because she was still confused
a little, and then walked softly on, all the time
afraid lest she should awake and lose the sweetness
of it all, and the sense of rest and happiness.
She felt so light, so airy, as if she could skim across
the field like any child. It was bliss enough
to breathe and move with every organ so free.
After more than fifty years of hard service in the
world to feel like this, even in a dream! She
smiled to herself at her own pleasure; and then once
more, yet more potently, there came back upon her the
appearance of her room in which she had fallen asleep.
How had she got from there to here? Had she been
carried away in her sleep, or was it only a dream,
and would she by and by find herself between the four
dim walls again? Then this shadow of recollection
faded away once more, and she moved forward, walking
in a soft rapture over the delicious turf. Presently
she came to a little mound upon which she paused to
look about her. Every moment she saw a little
farther: blue hills far away, extending in long
sweet distance, an indefinite landscape, but fair and
vast, so that there could be seen no end to it, not
even the line of the horizon-save at one
side, where there seemed to be a great shadowy gateway,
and something dim beyond. She turned from the
brightness to look at this, and when she had looked
for some time she saw what pleased her still more,
though she had been so happy before-people
coming in. They were too far off for her to see
clearly, but many came, each apart, one figure only
at a time. To watch them amused her in the delightful
leisure of her mind. Who were they? she wondered;
but no doubt soon some of them would come this way,
and she would see. Then suddenly she seemed to
hear, as if in answer to her question, some one say,
“Those who are coming in are the people who
have died on earth.” “Died!”
she said to herself aloud, with a wondering sense
of the inappropriateness of the word, which almost
came the length of laughter. In this sweet air,
with such a sense of life about, to suggest such an
idea was almost ludicrous. She was so occupied
with this that she did not look round to see who the
speaker might be. She thought it over, amused,
but with some new confusion of the mind. Then
she said, “Perhaps I have died too,” with
a laugh to herself at the absurdity of the thought.
“Yes,” said the other
voice, echoing that gentle laugh of hers, “you
have died too.”
She turned round and saw another standing
by her-a woman, younger and fairer and
more stately than herself, but of so sweet a countenance
that our little Pilgrim felt no shyness, but recognised
a friend at once. She was more occupied looking
at this new face, and feeling herself at once so much
happier (though she had been so happy before) in finding
a companion who could tell her what everything was,
than in considering what these words might mean.
But just then once more the recollection of the four
walls, with their little pictures hanging, and the
window with its curtains drawn, seemed to come round
her for a moment, so that her whole soul was in a
confusion. And as this vision slowly faded away
(though she could not tell which was the vision, the
darkened room or this lovely light), her attention
came back to the words at which she had laughed, and
at which the other had laughed as she repeated them.
Died?-was it possible that this could be
the meaning of it all.
“Died?” she said, looking
with wonder in her companion’s face, which smiled
back to her. “But do you mean ?
You cannot mean ? I have never been so
well. I am so strong. I have no trouble anywhere.
I am full of life.”
The other nodded her beautiful head
with a more beautiful smile, and the little Pilgrim
burst out in a great cry of joy, and said-
“Is this all? Is it over?-is
it all over? Is it possible that this can be
all?”
“Were you afraid of it?”
the other said. There was a little agitation
for the moment in her heart. She was so glad,
so relieved and thankful, that it took away her breath.
She could not get over the wonder of it.
“To think one should look forward
to it so long, and wonder and be even unhappy trying
to divine what it will be-and this all!”
“Ah, but the angel was very
gentle with you,” said the young woman.
“You were so tender and worn that he only smiled
and took you sleeping. There are other ways;
but it is always wonderful to think it is over, as
you say.”
The little Pilgrim could do nothing
but talk of it, as one does after a very great event.
“Are you sure, quite sure, it is so?” she
said. “It would be dreadful to find it
only a dream, to go to sleep again, and wake up-there-”
This thought troubled her for a moment. The vision
of the bedchamber came back, but this time she felt
it was only a vision. “Were you afraid
too?” she said, in a low voice.
“I never thought of it at all,”
the beautiful stranger said. “I did not
think it would come to me; but I was very sorry for
the others to whom it came, and grudged that they
should lose the beautiful earth and life, and all
that was so sweet.”
“My dear!” cried the Pilgrim,
as if she had never died, “oh, but this is far
sweeter! and the heart is so light, and it is happiness
only to breathe. Is it heaven here? It must
be heaven.”
“I do not know if it is heaven.
We have so many things to learn. They cannot
tell you everything at once,” said the beautiful
lady. “I have seen some of the people I
was sorry for, and when I told them, we laughed-as
you and I laughed just now-for pleasure.”
“That makes me think,”
said the little Pilgrim. “If I have died
as you say-which is so strange and me so
living-if I have died, they will have found
it out. The house will be all dark, and they will
be breaking their hearts. Oh, how could I forget
them in my selfishness, and be happy! I so lighthearted
while they-”
She sat down hastily and covered her
face with her hands and wept. The other looked
at her for a moment, then kissed her for comfort and
cried too. The two happy creatures sat there
weeping together, thinking of those they had left
behind, with an exquisite grief which was not unhappiness,
which was sweet with love and pity. “And
oh,” said the little Pilgrim, “what can
we do to tell them not to grieve? Cannot you
send, cannot you speak-cannot one go to
tell them?”
The heavenly stranger shook her head.
“It is not well, they all say.
Sometimes one has been permitted; but they do not
know you,” she said, with a pitiful look in her
sweet eyes. “My mother told me that her
heart was so sick for me, she was allowed to go; and
she went and stood by me, and spoke to me, and I did
not know her. She came back so sad and sorry
that they took her at once to our Father, and there,
you know, she found that it was all well. All
is well when you are there.”
“Ah,” said the little
Pilgrim, “I have been thinking of other things-of
how happy I was, and of them, but never of the
Father-just as if I had not died.”
The other smiled upon her with a wonderful smile.
“Do you think He will be offended-our
Father? as if He were one of us?” she said.
And then the little Pilgrim, in her
sudden grief to have forgotten Him, became conscious
of a new rapture unexplainable in words. She felt
His understanding to envelop her little spirit with
a soft and clear penetration, and that nothing she
did or said could ever be misconceived more.
“Will you take me to Him?” she said, trembling
yet glad, clasping her hands. And once again
the other shook her head.
“They will take us both when
it is time,” she said. “We do not
go at our own will. But I have seen our Brother-”
“Oh, take me to Him!”
the little Pilgrim cried. “Let me see His
face! I have so many things to say to Him.
I want to ask him-Oh, take me to where
I can see His face!”
And then once again the heavenly lady smiled.
“I have seen Him,” she
said. “He is always about-now
here, now there. He will come and see you perhaps
when you are not thinking-but when He pleases.
We do not think here of what we will-”
The little Pilgrim sat very still,
wondering at all this. She had thought when a
soul left the earth that it went at once to God, and
thought of nothing more except worship and singing
of praises. But this was different from her thoughts.
She sat and pondered and wondered. She was baffled
at many points. She was not changed as she expected,
but so much like herself still-still perplexed,
and feeling herself foolish, not understanding, toiling
after a something which she could not grasp.
The only difference was that it was no trouble to her
now. She smiled at herself, and at her dulness,
feeling sure that by and by she would understand.
“And don’t you wonder
too?” she said to her companion, which was a
speech such as she used to make upon the earth where
people thought her little remarks disjointed, and
did not always see the connection of them. But
her friend of heaven knew what she meant.
“I do nothing but wonder,”
she said, “for it is all so natural-not
what we thought.”
“Is it long since you have been here?”
the Pilgrim said.
“I came before you-but
how long or how short I cannot tell, for that is not
how we count. We count only by what happens to
us. And nothing yet has happened to me, except
that I have seen our Brother. My mother sees
Him always. That means she has lived here a long
time and well-”
“Is it possible to live ill-in
heaven?” The little Pilgrim’s eyes grew
large as if they were going to have tears in them,
and a little shadow seemed to come over her.
But the other laughed softly and restored her confidence.
“I have told you I do not know
if it is heaven or not. No one does ill, but
some do little and some do much, just as it used to
be. Do you remember in Dante there was a lazy
spirit that stayed about the gates and never got farther?
but perhaps you never read that.”
“I was not clever,” said
the little Pilgrim, wistfully. “No, I never
read it. I wish I had known more.”
Upon which the beautiful lady kissed
her again to give her courage, and said-
“It does not matter at all.
It all comes to you whether you have known it or not.”
“Then your mother came here
long ago?” said the Pilgrim. “Ah,
then I shall see my mother too.”
“Oh, very soon-as
soon as she can come; but there are so many things
to do. Sometimes we can go and meet those who
are coming, but it is not always so. I remember
that she had a message. She could not leave her
business, you may be sure, or she would have been here.”
“Then you know my mother? Oh, and my dearest
father too?”
“We all know each other,” the lady said
with a smile.
“And you? did you come to meet
me-only out of kindness, though I do not
know you?” the little Pilgrim said.
“I am nothing but an idler,”
said the beautiful lady, “making acquaintance.
I am of little use as yet. I was very hard worked
before I came here, and they think ft well that we
should sit in the sun and take a little rest and find
things out.”
Then the little Pilgrim sat still
and mused, and felt in her heart that she had found
many things out. What she had heard had been wonderful,
and it was more wonderful still to be sitting here
all alone save for this lady, yet so happy and at
ease. She wanted to sing, she was so happy, but
remembered that she was old and had lost her voice,
and then remembered again that she was no longer old,
and perhaps had found it again. And then it occurred
to her to remember how she had learned to sing, and
how beautiful her sister’s voice was, and how
heavenly to hear her, which made her remember that
this dear sister would be weeping, not singing, down
where she had come from-and immediately
the tears stood in her eyes.
“Oh,” she said, “I
never thought we should cry when we came here.
I thought there were no tears in heaven.”
“Did you think, then, that we
were all turned into stone?” cried the beautiful
lady. “It says, God shall wipe away all
tears from our faces, which is not like saying there
are to be no tears.”
Upon which the little Pilgrim, glad
that it was permitted to be sorry, though she was
so happy, allowed herself to think upon the place she
had so lately left. And she seemed to see her
little room again with all the pictures hanging as
she had left them, and the house darkened, and the
dear faces she knew all sad and troubled; and to hear
them saying over to each other all the little careless
words she had said as if they were out of the Scriptures,
and crying if any one but mentioned her name, and
putting on crape and black dresses, and lamenting as
if that which had happened was something very terrible.
She cried at this and yet felt half inclined to laugh,
but would not because it would be disrespectful to
those she loved. One thing did not occur to her,
and that was that they would be carrying her body,
which she had left behind her, away to the grave.
She did not think of this because she was not aware
of the loss, and felt far too much herself to think
that there was another part of her being buried in
the ground. From this she was aroused by her
companion asking her a question.
“Have you left many there?” she said.
“No one,” said the little
Pilgrim, “to whom I was the first on earth,
but they loved me all the same; and if I could only,
only let them know-”
“But I left one to whom I was
the first on earth,” said the other with tears
in her beautiful eyes, “and oh, how glad I should
be to be less happy if he might be less sad!”
“And you cannot go? you cannot
go to him and tell him? Oh, I wish-”
cried the little Pilgrim; but then she paused, for
the wish died all away in her heart into a tender
love for this poor sorrowful man whom she did not
know. This gave her the sweetest pang she had
ever felt, for she knew that all was well, and yet
was so sorry, and would have willingly given up her
happiness for his. All this the lady read in her
eyes or her heart, and loved her for it; and they took
hands and were silent together, thinking of those
they had left, as we upon earth think of those who
have gone from us, but only with far more understanding,
and far greater love. “And have you never
been able to do anything for him?” our Pilgrim
said.
Then the beautiful lady’s face
flushed all over with the most heavenly warmth and
light. Her smile ran over like the bursting out
of the sun. “Oh, I will tell you,”
she said. “There was a moment when he was
very sad and perplexed, not knowing what to think.
There was something he could not understand; nor could
I understand, nor did I know what it was until it
was said to me, ‘You may go and tell him.’
And I went in the early morning, before he was awake,
and kissed him, and said it in his ear. He woke
up in a moment and understood, and everything was clear
to him. Afterwards I heard him say, ’It
is true that the night brings counsel. I had
been troubled and distressed all day long, but in the
morning it was quite clear to me.’ And the
other answered, ’Your brain was refreshed, and
that made your judgment clear.’ But they
never knew it was I! That was a great delight.
The dear souls! they are so foolish,” she cried
with the sweetest laughter that ran into tears.
“One cries because one is so happy; it is a
silly old habit,” she said.
“And you were not grieved, it
did not hurt you-that he did not know-”
“Oh, not then; not then!
I did not go to him for that. When you have been
here a little longer you will see the difference.
When you go for yourself, out of impatience, because
it still seems to you that you must know best, and
they don’t know you-then it strikes
to your heart; but when you go to help them-ah,”
she cried, “when he comes how much I shall have
to tell him! ’You thought it was sleep when
it was I-when you woke so fresh and clear
it was I that kissed you; you thought it your duty
to me to be sad afterwards and were angry with yourself
because you had wronged me of the first thoughts of
your waking-when it was all me, all through!’”
“I begin to understand,”
said the little Pilgrim; “but why should they
not see us, and why should not we tell them? It
would seem so natural. If they saw us it would
make them so happy, and so sure.”
Upon this the lady shook her head.
“The worst of it is not that
they are not sure-it is the parting.
If this makes us sorry here, how can they escape the
sorrow of it even if they saw us?-for we
must be parted. We cannot go back to live with
them, or why should we have died? And then we
must all live our lives-they in their way,
we in ours. We must not weigh them down, but
only help them when it is seen that there is need for
it. All this we shall know better by and by.”
“You make it so clear, and your
face is so bright,” said our little Pilgrim
gratefully. “You must have known a great
deal, and understood even when you were in the world.”
“I was as foolish as I could
be,” said the other, with her laugh that was
as sweet as music; “yet thought I knew, and they
thought I knew; but all that does not matter now.”
“I think it matters, for look
how much you have shown me; but tell me one thing
more-how was it said to you that you must
go and tell him? Was it some one who spoke-was
it-”
Her face grew so bright that all the
past brightness was as a dull sky to this. It
gave out such a light of happiness that the little
Pilgrim was dazzled.
“I was wandering about,”
she said, “to see this new place. My mother
had come back between two errands she had, and had
come to see me and tell me everything; and I was straying
about wondering what I was to do, when suddenly I
saw some one coming along, as it might be now-”
She paused and looked up, and the
little Pilgrim looked up too with her heart beating,
but there was no one. Then she gave a little sigh,
and turned and listened again.
“I had not been looking for
Him, or thinking. You know my mind is too light.
I am pleased with whatever is before me; and I was
so curious, for my mother had told me many things:
when suddenly I caught sight of Him passing by.
He was going on, and when I saw this a panic seized
me, lest He should pass and say nothing. I do
not know what I did. I flung myself upon His
robe, and got hold of it, or at least I think so.
I was in such an agony lest He should pass and never
notice me. But that was my folly. He pass!
As if that could be!”
“And what did He say to you?”
cried the little Pilgrim, her heart almost aching
it beat so high with sympathy and expectation.
The lady looked at her for a little
without saying anything.
“I cannot tell you,” she
said, “any more than I can tell if this is heaven.
It is a mystery. When you see Him you will know.
It will be all you have ever hoped for and more besides,
for He understands everything. He knows what
is in our hearts about those we have left, and why
He sent for us before them. There is no need
to tell Him anything; He knows. He will come
when it is time; and after you have seen Him you will
know what to do.”
Then the beautiful lady turned her
eyes towards the gate, and, while the little Pilgrim
was still gazing, disappeared from her, and went to
comfort some other stranger. They were dear friends
always, and met often, but not again in the same way.
When she was thus left alone again,
the little Pilgrim sat still upon the grassy mound,
quite tranquil and happy, without wishing to move.
There was such a sense of wellbeing in her that she
liked to sit there and look about her, and breathe
the delightful air, like the air of a summer morning,
without wishing for anything.
“How idle I am!” she said
to herself, in the very words she had often used before
she died; but then she was idle from weakness, and
now from happiness. She wanted for nothing.
To be alive was so sweet. There was a great deal
to think about in what she had heard, but she did not
even think about that, only resigned herself to the
delight of sitting there in the sweet air and being
happy. Many people were coming and going, and
they all knew her, and smiled upon her, and those who
were at a distance would wave their hands. This
did not surprise her at all, for though she was a
stranger, she, too, felt that she knew them all; but
that they should be so kind was a delight to her which
words could not tell. She sat and mused very
sweetly about all that had been told her, and wondered
whether she, too, might go sometimes, and, with a kiss
and a whisper, clear up something that was dark in
the mind of some one who loved her. “I
that never was clever!” she said to herself,
with a smile. And chiefly she thought of a friend
whom she loved, who was often in great perplexity,
and did not know how to guide herself amid the difficulties
of the world.
The little Pilgrim half laughed with
delight, and then half cried with longing to go, as
the beautiful lady had done, and make something clear
that had been dark before to this friend. As she
was thinking what a pleasure it would be, some one
came up to her, crossing over the flowery greenness,
leaving the path on purpose. This was a being
younger than the lady who had spoken to her before,
with flowing hair all crisped with touches of sunshine,
and a dress all white and soft, like the feathers
of a white dove. There was something in her face
different from that of the other, by which the little
Pilgrim knew somehow, without knowing how, that she
had come here as a child, and grown up in this celestial
place. She was tall and fair, and came along with
so musical a motion, as if her foot scarcely touched
the ground, that she might have had wings. And
the little Pilgrim indeed was not sure as she watched,
whether it might not perhaps be an angel, for she knew
that there were angels among the blessed people who
were coming and going about, but had not been able
yet to find one out. She knew that this new-comer
was coming to her, and turned towards her with a smile
and a throb at her heart of expectation. But
when the heavenly maiden drew nearer, her face, though
it was so fair, looked to the Pilgrim like another
face, which she had known very well-indeed,
like the homely and troubled face of the friend of
whom she had been thinking. And so she smiled
all the more, and held out her hands and said-“I
am sure I know you,” upon which the other kissed
her, and said, “We all know each other; but I
have seen you often before you came here,” and
knelt down by her, among the flowers that were growing,
just in front of some tall lilies that grew over her,
and made a lovely canopy over her head. There
was something in her face that was like a child-her
mouth so soft as if it had never spoken anything but
heavenly words, her eyes brown and golden as if they
were filled with light. She took the little Pilgrim’s
hands in hers, and held them and smoothed them between
her own. These hands had been very thin and worn
before, but now, when the Pilgrim looked at them,
she saw that they became softer and whiter every moment
with the touch of this immortal youth.
“I knew you were coming,”
said the maiden. “When my mother has wanted
me I have seen you there. And you were thinking
of her now-that was how I found you.”
“Do you know, then, what one
thinks?” said the little Pilgrim with wondering
eyes.
“It is in the air; and when
it concerns us it comes to us like the breeze.
But we who are the children here, we feel it more quickly
than you.”
“Are you a child?” said
the little Pilgrim, “or are you an angel?
Sometimes you are like a child; but then your face
shines and you are like-you must have some
name for it here; there is nothing among the words
I know.” And then she paused a little, still
looking at her, and cried, “Oh, if she could
but see you, little Margaret! That would do her
most good of all.”
Then the maiden Margaret shook her
lovely head. “What does her most good is
the will of the Father,” she said.
At this the little Pilgrim felt once
more that thrill of expectation and awe. “Oh,
child, you have seen Him?” she cried.
And the other smiled. “Have
you forgotten who they are that always behold His
face? We have never had any fear or trembling.
We are not angels, and there is no other name; we
are the children. There is something given to
us beyond the others. We have had no other home.”
“Oh, tell me, tell me!” the little Pilgrim
cried.
Upon this Margaret kissed her, putting
her soft cheek against hers, and said, “It is
a mystery; it cannot be put into words; in your time
you will know.”
“When you touch me you change
me, and I grow like you,” the Pilgrim said.
“Ah, if she could see us together, you and me!
And will you go to her soon again? And do you
see them always-what they are doing? and
take care of them?”
“It is our Father who takes
care of them, and our Lord who is our Brother.
I do His errands when I am able. Sometimes He
will let me go, sometimes another, according as it
is best. Who am I that I should take care of
them? I serve them when I may.”
“But you do not forget them?”
the Pilgrim said, with wistful eyes.
“We love them always,”
said Margaret. She was more still than the lady
who had first spoken with the Pilgrim. Her countenance
was full of a heavenly calm. It had never known
passion nor anguish. Sometimes there was in it
a far-seeing look of vision, sometimes the simplicity
of a child. “But what are we in comparison?
For He loves them more than we do. When He keeps
us from them it is for love. We must each live
our own life.”
“But it is hard for them sometimes,”
said the little Pilgrim, who could not withdraw her
thoughts from those she had left.
“They are never forsaken,” said the angel-maiden.
“But oh! there are worse things
than sorrow,” the little Pilgrim said; “there
is wrong, there is evil, Margaret. Will not He
send you to step in before them, to save them from
wrong?”
“It is not for us to judge,”
said the young Margaret, with eyes full of heavenly
wisdom. “Our Brother has it all in His hand.
We do not read their hearts like Him. Sometimes
you are permitted to see the battle.”
The little Pilgrim covered her eyes
with her hands. “I could not-I
could not! unless I knew they were to win the day.”
“They will win the day in the
end. But sometimes, when it was being lost, I
have seen in His face a something-I cannot
tell-more love than before. Something
that seemed to say, ’My child, my child, would
that I could do it for thee, my child!’”
“Oh! that is what I have always
felt,” cried the Pilgrim, clasping her hands;
her eyes were dim, her heart for a moment almost forgot
its blessedness. “But He could-Oh,
little Margaret! He could! You have forgotten-Lord,
if Thou wilt Thou canst-”
The child of heaven looked at her
mutely, with sweet grave eyes, in which there was
much that confused her who was a stranger here; and
once more softly shook her head.
“Is it that He will not, then?”
said the other with a low voice of awe. “Our
Lord who died-He-”
“Listen,” said the other, “I hear
His step on the way.”
The little Pilgrim rose up from the
mound on which she was sitting. Her soul was
confused with wonder and fear. She had thought
that an angel might step between a soul on earth and
sin, and that if one but prayed and prayed, the dear
Lord would stand between and deliver the tempted.
She had meant when she saw His face to ask Him to save
Was not He born, did not He live, and die to save?
The angel-maiden looked at her all the while, with
eyes that understood all her perplexity and her doubt,
but spoke not. Thus it was that before the Lord
came to her the sweetness of her first blessedness
was obscured, and she found that here, too, even here,
though in a moment she should see Him, there was need
for faith. Young Margaret, who had been kneeling
by her, rose up too and stood among the lilies, waiting,
her soft countenance shining, her eyes turned towards
Him who was coming. Upon her there was no cloud
nor doubt. She was one of the children of that
land familiar with His presence. And in the air
there was a sound such as those who hear it alone can
describe-a sound as of help coming and safety,
like the sound of a deliverer when one is in deadly
danger, like the sound of a conqueror, like the step
of the dearest-beloved coming home. As it came
nearer the fear melted away out of the beating heart
of the Pilgrim. Who could fear so near Him? her
breath went away from her, her heart out of her bosom,
to meet His coming. Oh, never fear could live
where He was! Her soul was all confused, but
it was with hope and joy. She held out her hands
in that amaze, and dropped upon her knees, not knowing
what she did.
He was going about His Father’s
business, not lingering, yet neither making haste;
and the calm and peace which the little Pilgrim had
seen in the faces of the blessed were but reflections
from the majestic gentleness of the countenance to
which, all quivering with happiness and wonder, she
lifted up her eyes. Many things there had been
in her mind to say to Him. She wanted to ask
for those she loved some things which perhaps He had
overlooked. She wanted to say, “Send me.”
It seemed to her that here was the occasion she had
longed for all her life. Oh, how many times had
she wished to be able to go to Him, to fall at His
feet, to show Him something which had been left undone,
something which perhaps for her asking He would remember
to do. But when this dream of her life was fulfilled,
and the little Pilgrim kneeling, and all shaken and
trembling with devotion and joy, was at His feet, lifting
her face to Him, seeing Him, hearing Him-then
she said nothing to Him at all. She no longer
wanted to say anything, or wanted anything except what
He chose, or had power to think of anything except
that all was well, and everything-everything,
as it should be in His hand. It seemed to her
that all that she had ever hoped for was fulfilled
when she met the look in His eyes. At first it
seemed too bright for her to meet, but next moment
she knew it was all that was needed to light up the
world, and in it everything was clear. Her trembling
ceased, her little frame grew inspired; though she
still knelt, her head rose erect, drawn to Him like
the flower to the sun. She could not tell how
long it was, nor what was said, nor if it was in words.
All that she knew was that she told Him all that ever
she had thought, or wished, or intended in all her
life, although she said nothing at all; and that He
opened all things to her, and showed her that everything
was well, and no one forgotten; and that the things
she would have told Him of were more near His heart
than hers, and those to whom she wanted to be sent
were in His own hand. But whether this passed
with words or without words she could not tell.
Her soul expanded under His eyes like a flower.
It opened out, it comprehended, and felt, and knew.
She smote her hands together in her wonder that she
could have missed seeing what was so clear, and laughed
with a sweet scorn at her folly, as two people who
love each other laugh at the little misunderstanding
that has parted them. She was bold with Him,
though she was so timid by nature, and ventured to
laugh at herself, not to reproach herself-for
His divine eyes spoke no blame, but smiled upon her
folly too. And then He laid a hand upon her head,
which seemed to fill her with currents of strength
and joy running through all her veins. And then
she seemed to come to herself saying loud out, “And
that I will! and that I will!” and lo, she was
kneeling on the warm soft sod alone, and hearing the
sound of His footsteps as He went about His Father’s
business, filling all the air with echoes of blessing.
And all the people who were coming and going smiled
upon her, and she knew they were all glad for her
that she had seen Him, and got the desire of her heart.
Some of them waved their hands as they passed, and
some paused a moment and spoke to her with tender congratulations.
They seemed to have the tears in their eyes for joy,
remembering every one the first time they had themselves
seen Him, and the joy of it; so that all about there
sounded a concord of happy thoughts all echoing to
each other, “She has seen the Lord!”
Why did she say, “And that I
will! and that I will!” with such fervour and
delight? She could not have told but yet she knew.
The first thing was that she had yet to wait and believe
until all things should be accomplished, neither doubting
nor fearing, but knowing that all should be well;
and the second was that she must delay no longer, but
rise up and serve the Father according to what was
given her as her reward. When she had recovered
a little of her rapture she rose from her knees, and
stood still for a moment to be sure which way she was
to go. And she was not aware what guided her,
but yet turned her face in the appointed way without
any doubt. For doubt was now gone away for ever,
and that fear that once gave her so much trouble lest
she might not be doing what was best. As she
moved along she wondered at herself more and more.
She felt no longer, as at first, like the child she
remembered to have been, venturing out in the awful
lovely stillness of the morning before any one was
awake; but she felt that to move along was a delight,
and that her foot scarcely touched the grass, and
her whole being was instinct with such lightness of
strength and life that it did not matter to her how
far she went, nor what she carried, nor if the way
was easy or hard. The way she chose was one of
those which led to the great gate, and many met her
coming from thence, with looks that were somewhat bewildered,
as if they did not yet know whither they were going
or what had happened to them. Upon whom she smiled
as she passed them with soft looks of tenderness and
sympathy, knowing what they were feeling, but did not
stop to explain to them, because she had something
else that had been given her to do. For this
is what always follows in that country when you meet
the Lord, that you instantly know what it is that He
would have you do.
The little Pilgrim thus went on and
on towards the gate, which she had not seen when she
herself came through it, having been lifted in His
arms by the great Death Angel, and set down softly
inside, so that she did not know it, or even the shadow
of it. As she drew nearer the light became less
bright, though very sweet, like a lovely dawn, and
she wondered to herself to think that she had been
here but a moment ago, and yet so much had passed
since then. And still she was not aware what
was her errand, but wondered if she was to go back
by these same gates, and perhaps return where she
had been. She went up to them very closely, for
she was curious to see the place through which she
had come in her sleep, as a traveller goes back to
see the city gate, with its bridge and portcullis,
through which he has passed by night. The gate
was very great, of a wonderful, curious architecture,
and strange, delicate arches and canopies above.
Some parts of them seemed cut very clean and clear;
but the outlines were all softened with a sort of mist
and shadow, so that it looked greater and higher than
it was. The lower part was not one great doorway
as the Pilgrim had supposed, but innumerable doors,
all separate, and very narrow, so that but one could
pass at a time, though the arch enclosed all, and
seemed filled with great folding gates in which the
smaller doors were set, so that if need arose a vast
opening might be made for many to enter. Of the
little doors many were shut as the Pilgrim approached;
but from moment to moment, one after another would
be pushed softly open from without, and some one would
come in. The little Pilgrim looked at it all with
great interest, wondering which of the doors she had
herself come by; but while she stood absorbed by this,
a door was suddenly pushed open close by her, and
some one flung forward into the blessed country, falling
upon the ground, and stretched out wild arms as though
to clutch the very soil. This sight gave the
Pilgrim a great surprise, for it was the first time
she had heard any sound of pain, or seen any sight
of trouble, since she entered here. In that moment
she knew what it was that the dear Lord had given
her to do. She had no need to pause to think,
for her heart told her; and she did not hesitate as
she might have done in the other life, not knowing
what to say. She went forward, and gathered this
poor creature into her arms, as if it had been a child,
and drew her quite within the land of peace-for
she had fallen across the threshold, so as to hinder
any one entering who might be coming after her.
It was a woman, and she had flung herself upon her
face, so that it was difficult for the little Pilgrim
to see what manner of person it was, for though she
felt herself strong enough to take up this new-comer
in her arms and carry her away, yet she forbore, seeing
the will of the stranger was not so. For some
time the woman lay moaning, with now and then a great
sob shaking her as she lay. The little Pilgrim
had taken her by both her arms, and drawn her head
to rest upon her own lap, and was still holding the
hands, which the poor creature had thrown out as if
to clutch the ground. Thus she lay for a little
while, as the little Pilgrim remembered she herself
had lain, not wishing to move, wondering what had
happened to her; and then she clutched the hands which
grasped her, and said, muttering-
“You are some one new.
Have you come to save me? Oh, save me! Oh,
save me! Don’t let me die!”
This was very strange to the little
Pilgrim, and went to her heart. She soothed the
stranger, holding her hands warm and light, and stooping
over her.
“Dear,” she said, “you must try
and not be afraid.”
“You say so,” said the
woman, “because you are well and strong.
You don’t know what it is to be seized in the
middle of your life, and told that you’ve got
to die. Oh, I have been a sinful creature!
I am not fit to die. Can’t you give me
something that will cure me? What is the good
of doctors and nurses if they cannot save a poor soul
that is not fit to die?”
At this the little Pilgrim smiled
upon her, always holding her fast, and said-
“Why are you so afraid to die?”
The woman raised her head to look
who it was who put such a strange question to her.
“You are some one new,”
she said. “I have never seen you before.
Is there anyone that is not afraid to die? Would
you like to have to give your account all in
a moment, without any time to prepare?”
“But you have had time to prepare,” said
the Pilgrim.
“Oh, only a very very little
time; and I never thought it was true. I am not
an old woman, and I am not fit to die; and I’m
poor. Oh, if I were rich, I would bribe you to
give me something to keep me alive. Won’t
you do it for pity?-won’t you do
it for pity? When you are as bad as I am, oh,
you will perhaps call for some one to help you, and
find nobody, like me.”
“I will help you for love,”
said the little Pilgrim. “Some one who loves
you has sent me.”
The woman lifted herself up a little
and shook her head. “There is nobody that
loves me.” Then she cast her eyes round
her and began to tremble again (for the touch of the
little Pilgrim had stilled her). “Oh, where
am I?” she said. “They have taken
me away; they have brought me to a strange place;
and you are new. Oh, where have they taken me?-where
am I?-where am I?” she cried.
“Have they brought me here to die?”
Then the little Pilgrim bent over
her and soothed her. “You must not be so
much afraid of dying; that is all over. You need
not fear that any more,” she said, softly; “for
here where you now are we have all died.”
The woman started up out of her arms,
and then she gave a great shriek that made the air
ring, and cried out, “Dead! am I dead?”
with a shudder and convulsion, throwing herself again
wildly with outstretched hands upon the ground.
This was a great and terrible work
for the little Pilgrim-the first she had
ever had to do-and her heart failed her
for a moment; but afterwards she remembered our Brother
who sent her, and knew what was best. She drew
closer to the new-comer and took her hand again.
“Try,” she said, in a
soft voice, “and think a little. Do you
feel now so ill as you were? Do not be frightened,
but think a little. I will hold your hand; and
look at me; you are not afraid of me.”
The poor creature shuddered again,
and then she turned her face and looked doubtfully
with great dark eyes dilated, and the brow and cheek
so curved and puckered round them that they seemed
to glow out of deep caverns. Her face was full
of anguish and fear. But as she looked at the
little Pilgrim her troubled gaze softened. Of
her own accord she clasped her other hand upon the
one that held hers, and then she said with a gasp-
“I am not afraid of you; that
was not true that you said? You are one of the
sisters, and you want to frighten me and make me repent?”
“You do repent,” the Pilgrim said.
“Oh,” cried the poor woman,
“what has the like of you to do with me?
Now I look at you I never saw any one that was like
you before. Don’t you hate me?-don’t
you loathe me? I do myself. It’s so
ugly to go wrong. I think now I would almost
rather die and be done with it. You will say
that is because I am going to get better. I feel
a great deal better now. Do you think I am going
to get over it? Oh, I am better! I could
get up out of bed and walk about. Yes, but I am
not in bed; where have you brought me? Never
mind, it is a fine air; I shall soon get well here.”
The Pilgrim was silent for a little,
holding her hands. And then she said-
“Tell me how you feel now,” in her soft
voice.
The woman had sat up and was gazing
round her. “It is very strange,” she
said; “it is all confused. I think upon
my mother and the old prayers I used to say.
For a long, long time I always said my prayers; but
now I’ve got hardened, they say. Oh, I
was once as fresh as any one. It all comes over
me now. I feel as if I were young again-just
come out of the country. I am sure that I could
walk.”
The little Pilgrim raised her up,
holding her by her hands; and she stood and gazed
round about her, making one or two doubtful steps.
She was very pale, and the light was dim; her eyes
peered into it with a scared yet eager look.
She made another step, then stopped again.
“I am quite well,” she
said. “I could walk a mile. I could
walk any distance. What was that you said?
Oh, I tell you I am better! I am not going to
die.”
“You will never, never die,”
said the little Pilgrim; “are you not glad it
is all over? Oh, I was so glad! And all the
more you should be glad if you were so much afraid.”
But this woman was not glad.
She shrank away from her companion, then came close
to her again, and gripped her with her hands.
“It is your fun,” she
said, “or just to frighten me; perhaps you think
it will do me no harm as I am getting so well-you
want to frighten me to make me good. But I mean
to be good without that-I do! I do!
When one is so near dying as I have been and yet gets
better-for I am going to get better?
Yes! you know it as well as I.”
The little Pilgrim made no reply,
but stood by looking at her charge, not feeling that
anything was given her to say; and she was so new to
this work that there was a little trembling in her
lest she should not do everything as she ought.
And the woman looked round with those anxious eyes
gazing all about. The light did not brighten as
it had done when the Pilgrim herself first came to
this place. For one thing they had remained quite
close to the gate, which no doubt threw a shadow.
The woman looked at that, and then turned and looked
into the dim morning, and did not know where she was,
and her heart was confused and troubled.
“Where are we?” she said.
“I do not know where it is; they must have brought
me here in my sleep-where are we? How
strange to bring a sick woman away out of her room
in her sleep! I suppose it was the new doctor,”
she went on, looking very closely in the little Pilgrim’s
face, then paused, and, drawing a long breath, said
softly, “It has done me good. It is better
air-it is a new kind of cure.”
But though she spoke like this, she
did not convince herself; her eyes were wild with
wondering and fear. She gripped the Pilgrim’s
arm more and more closely, and trembled, leaning upon
her.
“Why don’t you speak to
me?” she said; “why don’t you tell
me? Oh, I don’t know how to live in this
place! What do you do?-how do you speak?
I am not fit for it. And what are you? I
never saw you before nor any one like you. What
do you want with me? Why are you so kind to me?
Why-why ?”
And here she went off into a murmur
of questions. Why? why? always holding fast by
the little Pilgrim, always gazing round her, groping
as it were in the dimness with her great eyes.
“I have come because our dear
Lord, who is our Brother, sent me to meet you, and
because I love you,” the little Pilgrim said.
“Love me!” the woman cried,
throwing up her hands, “but no one loves me.
I have not deserved it.” Here she grasped
her close again with a sudden clutch, and cried out,
“If this is what you say, where is God?”
“Are you afraid of Him?” the little Pilgrim
said.
Upon which the woman trembled so that
the Pilgrim trembled too with the quivering of her
frame; then loosed her hold and fell upon her face,
and cried-
“Hide me! Hide me!
I have been a great sinner. Hide me that He may
not see me,” and with one hand tried to draw
the Pilgrim’s dress as a veil between her and
something she feared.
“How should I hide you from
Him who is everywhere? and why should I hide you from
your Father?” the little Pilgrim said. This
she said almost with indignation, wondering that any
one could put more trust in her, who was no better
than a child, than in the Father of all. But then
she said, “Look in your heart and you will see
you are not so much afraid as you think. This
is how you have been accustomed to frighten yourself.
But look now into your heart. You thought you
were very ill at first, but not now; and you think
you are afraid, but look in your heart-”
There was a silence, and then the
woman raised her head with a wonderful look, in which
there was amazement and doubt, as if she had heard
some joyful thing but dared not yet believe that it
was true. Once more she hid her face in her hands,
and once more raised it again. Her eyes softened;
a long sigh or gasp, like one taking breath after drowning,
shook her breast. Then she said, “I think
that is true. But if I am not afraid it is because
I am-bad. It is because I am hardened.
Oh, should not I fear Him who can send me away into-the
lake that burns-into the pit-”
And here she gave a great cry, but held the little
Pilgrim all the while with her eyes, which seem to
plead and ask for better news.
Then there came into the Pilgrim’s
heart what to say, and she took the woman’s
hand again and held it between her own. “That
is the change,” she said, “that comes
when we come here. We are not afraid any more
of our Father. We are not all happy. Perhaps
you will not be happy at first. But if he says
to you go-even to that place you speak of-you
will know that it is well, and you will not be afraid.
You are not afraid now-oh, I can see it
in your eyes. You are not happy, but you are
not afraid. You know it is the Father. Do
not say God, that is far off-Father!”
said the little Pilgrim, holding up the woman’s
hand clasped in her own. And there came into
her soul an ecstasy, and tears that were tears of
blessedness fell from her eyes, and all about her
there seemed to shine a light. When she came to
herself, the woman who was her charge had come quite
close to her, and had added her other hand to that
the Pilgrim held, and was weeping, and saying, “I
am not afraid,” with now and then a gasp and
sob, like a child who, after a passion of tears, has
been consoled, yet goes on sobbing and cannot quite
forget, and is afraid to own that all is well again.
Then the Pilgrim kissed her, and bade her rest a little,
for even she herself felt shaken, and longed for a
little quiet and to feel the true sense of the peace
that was in her heart. She sat down beside her
upon the ground, and made her lean her head against
her shoulder, and thus they remained very still for
a little time, saying no more. It seemed to the
little Pilgrim that her companion had fallen asleep,
and perhaps it was so, after so much agitation.
All this time there had been people passing, entering
by the many doors. And most of them paused a little
to see where they were, and looked round them, then
went on; and it seemed to the little Pilgrim that,
according to the doors by which they entered, each
took a different way. While she watched, another
came in by the same door as that at which the woman
who was her charge had come in. And he too stumbled
and looked about him with an air of great wonder and
doubt. When he saw her seated on the ground, he
came up to her, hesitating as one in a strange place
who does not want to betray that he is bewildered
and has lost his way. He came with a little pretence
of smiling, though his countenance was pale and scared,
and said, drawing his breath quick, “I ought
to know where I am, but I have lost my head, I think.
Will you tell me which is the way?”
“What way?” cried the
little Pilgrim, for her strength was gone from her,
and she had no word to say to him. He looked at
her with that bewilderment on his face, and said,
“I find myself strange, strange. I ought
to know where I am; but it is scarcely daylight yet.
It is perhaps foolish to come out so early in the
morning.” This he said in his confusion,
not knowing where he was, nor what he said.
“I think all the ways lead to
our Father,” said the little Pilgrim (though
she had not known this till now). “And the
dear Lord walks about them all. Here you never
go astray.”
Upon this the stranger looked at her,
and asked in a faltering voice, “Are you an
angel?” still not knowing what he said.
“Oh, no, no. I am only a Pilgrim,”
she replied.
“May I sit by you a little?”
said the man. He sat down drawing long breaths
as though he had gone through great fatigue; and looked
about with wondering eyes. “You will wonder,
but I do not know where I am,” he said.
“I feel as if I must be dreaming. This is
not where I expected to come. I looked for something
very different; do you think there can have been any
mistake?”
“Oh, never that,” she said; “there
are no mistakes here.”
Then he looked at her again, and said-
“I perceive that you belong
to this country, though you say you are a pilgrim.
I should be grateful if you would tell me Does one
live here? And is this all? Is there no-no ?
but I don’t know what word to use. All
is so strange, different from what I expected.”
“Do you know that you have died?”
“Yes, yes, I am quite acquainted
with that,” he said, hurriedly, as if it had
been an idea he disliked to dwell upon. “But
then I expected-Is there no one to tell
you where to go, or what you are to be ? or
to take any notice of you?”
The little Pilgrim was startled by
this tone. She did not understand its meaning,
and she had not any word to say to him. She looked
at him with as much bewilderment as he had shown when
he approached her, and replied, faltering-
“There are a great many people
here; but I have never heard if there is any one to
tell you-”
“What does it matter how many
people there are if you know none of them?”
he said.
“We all know each other,”
she answered him; but then paused and hesitated a
little, because this was what had been said to her,
and of herself she was not assured of it, neither
did she know at all how to deal with this stranger,
to whom she had not any commission. It seemed
that he had no one to care for him, and the little
Pilgrim had a sense of compassion, yet of trouble,
in her heart-for what could she say?
And it was very strange to her to see one who was
not content here.
“Ah, but there should be some
one to point out the way, and tell us which is our
circle, and where we ought to go,” he said.
And then he too was silent for a while, looking about
him, as all were fain to do on their first arrival,
finding everything so strange. There were people
coming in at every moment, and some were met at the
very threshold, and some went away alone, with peaceful
faces; and there were many groups about, talking together
in soft voices, but no one interrupted the other;
and though so many were there, each voice was as clear
as if it had spoken alone, and there was no tumult
of sound as when many people assemble together in
the lower world.
The little Pilgrim wondered to find
herself with the woman resting upon her on one side,
and the man seated silent on the other, neither having,
it appeared, any guide but only herself who knew so
little. How was she to lead them in the paths
which she did not know?-and she was exhausted
by the agitation of her struggle with the woman whom
she felt to be her charge. But in this moment
of silence she had time to remember the face of the
Lord, when He gave her this commission, and her heart
was strengthened. The man all this time sat and
watched, looking eagerly all about him, examining
the faces of those who went and came: and sometimes
he made a little start as if to go and speak to some
one he knew; but always drew back again and looked
at the little Pilgrim, as if he had said, “This
is the one who will serve me best.” He spoke
to her again after a while and said, “I suppose
you are one of the guides that show the way.”
“No,” said the little
Pilgrim, anxiously, “I know so little! It
is not long since I came here. I came in the
early morning-”
“Why, it is morning now.
You could not come earlier than it is now. You
mean yesterday.”
“I think,” said the Pilgrim,
“that yesterday is the other side; there is
no yesterday here.”
He looked at her with the keen look
he had, to understand her the better; and then he
said-
“No division of time! I
think that must be monotonous. It will be strange
to have no night; but I suppose one gets used to everything.
I hope though there is something to do. I have
always lived a very busy life. Perhaps this is
just a little pause before we go-to be-to
have-to get our-appointed place.”
He had an uneasy look as he said this,
and looked at her with an anxious curiosity, which
the little Pilgrim did not understand.
“I do not know,” she said
softly, shaking her head. “I have so little
experience. I have not been told of an appointed
place.”
The man looked at her very strangely.
“I did not think,” he
said, “that I should have found such ignorance
here. Is it not well known that we must all appear
before the judgment seat of God?”
These words seemed to cause a trembling
in the still air, and the woman on the other side
raised herself suddenly up, clasping her hands:
and some of those who had just entered heard the words,
and came and crowded about the little Pilgrim, some
standing, some falling down upon their knees, all
with their faces turned towards her. She who had
always been so simple and small, so little used to
teach; she was frightened with the sight of all these
strangers crowding, hanging upon her lips, looking
to her for knowledge. She knew not what to do
or what to say. The tears came into her eyes.
“Oh,” she said, “I
do not know anything about a judgment seat. I
know that our Father is here, and that when we are
in trouble we are taken to Him to be comforted, and
that our dear Lord our Brother is among us every day,
and every one may see Him. Listen,” she
said, standing up suddenly among them, feeling strong
as an angel. “I have seen Him; though I
am nothing, so little as you see, and often silly,
never clever as some of you are, I have seen Him!
and so will all of you. There is no more that
I know of,” she said softly, clasping her hands.
“When you see Him it comes into your heart what
you must do.”
And then there was a murmur of voices
about her, some saying that was best, and some wondering
if that were all, and some crying if He would but
come now-while the little Pilgrim stood
among them with her face shining, and they all looked
at her, asking her to tell them more, to show them
how to find Him. But this was far above what she
could do, for she too was not much more than a stranger,
and had little strength. She would not go back
a step, nor desert those who were so anxious to know,
though her heart fluttered almost as it had used to
do before she died, what with her longing to tell
them, and knowing that she had no more to say.
But in that land it is never permitted
that one who stands bravely and fails not shall be
left without succour; for it is no longer needful
there to stand even to death, since all dying is over,
and all souls are tested. When it was seen that
the little Pilgrim was thus surrounded by so many
that questioned her, there suddenly came about her
many others from the brightness out of which she had
come, who, one going to one hand, and one to another,
safely led them into the ways in which their course
lay: so that the Pilgrim was free to lead forth
the woman who had been given her in charge, and whose
path lay in a dim, but pleasant country, outside of
that light and gladness in which the Pilgrim’s
home was.
“But,” she said, “you
are not to fear or be cast down, because He goes likewise
by these ways, and there is not a corner in all this
land but He is to be seen passing by; and He will
come and speak to you, and lay His hand upon you;
and afterwards everything will be clear, and you will
know what you are to do.”
“Stay with me till He comes-oh,
stay with me,” the woman cried, clinging to
her arm.
“Unless another is sent,”
the little Pilgrim said. And it was nothing to
her that the air was less bright there, for her mind
was full of light, so that, though her heart still
fluttered a little with all that had passed, she had
no longing to return, nor to shorten the way, but went
by the lower road sweetly, with the stranger hanging
upon her, who was stronger and taller than she.
Thus they went on, and the Pilgrim told her all she
knew, and everything that came into her heart.
And so full was she of the great things she had to
say, that it was a surprise to her, and left her trembling,
when suddenly the woman took away her clinging hand,
and flew forward with arms outspread and a cry of joy.
The little Pilgrim stood still to see, and on the path
before them was a child, coming towards them singing,
with a look such as is never seen but upon the faces
of children who have come here early, and who behold
the face of the Father, and have never known fear nor
sorrow. The woman flew and fell at the child’s
feet, and he put his hand upon her, and raised her
up, and called her “mother.” Then
he smiled upon the little Pilgrim, and led her away.
“Now she needs me no longer,”
said the Pilgrim; and it was a surprise to her, and
for a moment she wondered in herself if it was known
that this child should come so suddenly and her work
be over; and also how she was to return again to the
sweet place among the flowers from which she had come.
But when she turned to look if there was any way, she
found One standing by such as she had not yet seen.
This was a youth, with a face just touched with manhood,
as at the moment when the boy ends, when all is still
fresh and pure in the heart; but he was taller and
greater than a man.
“I am sent,” he said,
“little sister, to take you to the Father:
because you have been very faithful, and gone beyond
your strength.”
And he took the little Pilgrim by
the hand, and she knew he was an angel; and immediately
the sweet air melted about them into light, and a
hush came upon her of all thought and all sense, attending
till she should receive the blessing, and her new
name, and see what is beyond telling, and hear and
understand:-