CHAPTER VII. SOME MEDITATIONS ON SUCCESS
If actors and actresses are like children
in that they are readily depressed by disaster, they
have the child’s compensating gift of being
easily uplifted by good fortune. It amazed Sally
that any one mortal should have been able to spread
such universal happiness as she had done by the simple
act of lending her brother Fillmore twenty thousand
dollars. If the Millennium had arrived, the members
of the Primrose Way Company could not have been on
better terms with themselves. The lethargy and
dispiritedness, caused by their week of inaction, fell
from them like a cloak. The sudden elevation
of that creature of the abyss, the assistant stage
manager, to the dizzy height of proprietor of the
show appealed to their sense of drama. Most of
them had played in pieces where much the same thing
had happened to the persecuted heroine round about
eleven o’clock, and the situation struck them
as theatrically sound. Also, now that she had
gone, the extent to which Miss Hobson had acted as
a blight was universally recognized.
A spirit of optimism reigned, and
cheerful rumours became current. The bowler-hatted
Teddy had it straight from the lift-boy at his hotel
that the ban on the theatres was to be lifted on Tuesday
at the latest; while no less an authority than the
cigar-stand girl at the Pontchatrain had informed
the man who played the butler that Toledo and Cleveland
were opening to-morrow. It was generally felt
that the sun was bursting through the clouds and that
Fate would soon despair of the hopeless task of trying
to keep good men down.
Fillmore was himself again. We
all have our particular mode of self-expression in
moments of elation. Fillmore’s took the
shape of buying a new waistcoat and a hundred half-dollar
cigars and being very fussy about what he had for
lunch. It may have been an optical illusion,
but he appeared to Sally to put on at least six pounds
in weight on the first day of the new regime.
As a serf looking after paper-knives and other properties,
he had been for him almost slim.
As a manager he blossomed out into soft billowy curves,
and when he stood on the sidewalk in front of the
theatre, gloating over the new posters which bore
the legend,
Fillmore Nicholas
Presents
the populace had to make a detour to get round him.
In this era of bubbling joy, it was
hard that Sally, the fairy godmother responsible for
it all, should not have been completely happy too;
and it puzzled her why she was not. But whatever
it was that cast the faint shadow refused obstinately
to come out from the back of her mind and show itself
and be challenged. It was not till she was out
driving in a hired car with Gerald one afternoon on
Belle Isle that enlightenment came.
Gerald, since the departure of Miss
Hobson, had been at his best. Like Fillmore,
he was a man who responded to the sunshine of prosperity.
His moodiness had vanished, and all his old charm
had returned. And yet... it seemed to Sally,
as the car slid smoothly through the pleasant woods
and fields by the river, that there was something that
jarred.
Gerald was cheerful and talkative.
He, at any rate, found nothing wrong with life.
He held forth spaciously on the big things he intended
to do.
“If this play get over and
it’s going to I’ll show ’em!”
His jaw was squared, and his eyes glowed as they stared
into the inviting future. “One success that’s
all I need then watch me! I haven’t
had a chance yet, but...”
His voice rolled on, but Sally had
ceased to listen. It was the time of year when
the chill of evening follows swiftly on the mellow
warmth of afternoon. The sun had gone behind
the trees, and a cold wind was blowing up from the
river. And quite suddenly, as though it was the
wind that had cleared her mind, she understood what
it was that had been lurking at the back of her thoughts.
For an instant it stood out nakedly without concealment,
and the world became a forlorn place. She had
realized the fundamental difference between man’s
outlook on life and woman’s.
Success! How men worshipped it,
and how little of themselves they had to spare for
anything else. Ironically, it was the theme of
this very play of Gerald’s which she had saved
from destruction. Of all the men she knew, how
many had any view of life except as a race which they
must strain every nerve to win, regardless of what
they missed by the wayside in their haste? Fillmore Gerald all
of them. There might be a woman in each of their
lives, but she came second an afterthought a
thing for their spare time. Gerald was everything
to her. His success would never be more than
a side-issue as far as she was concerned. He himself,
without any of the trappings of success, was enough
for her. But she was not enough for him.
A spasm of futile jealousy shook her. She shivered.
“Cold?” said Gerald.
“I’ll tell the man to drive back...
I don’t see any reason why this play shouldn’t
run a year in New York. Everybody says it’s
good... if it does get over, they’ll all be after
me. I...”
Sally stared out into a bleak world.
The sky was a leaden grey, and the wind from the river
blew with a dismal chill.