The charm of the little towns of Northern
France is very difficult to imprison on paper.
It is not exactly that they are old, although there
is scarcely one which has not a church or a chateau
or a quaint medieval street worth coming far to see;
nor that they are particularly picturesque, for the
ground is fairly flat, and they are all but always
set among the fields, since it is by agriculture far
more than by manufacture that they live. But
they are clean and cheerful; one thinks of them under
the sun; and they are very homely. In them the
folk smile simply at you, but not inquisitively as
in England, for each bustles gaily about his own affairs,
and will let you do what you please, with a shrug
of the shoulders. Abbeville is very typical of
all this. It has its church, and from the bridge
over the Somme the backs of ancient houses can be
seen leaning half over the river, which has sung beneath
them for five hundred years; and it is set in the
midst of memories of stirring days. Yet it is
not for these that one would revisit the little town,
but rather that one might walk by the still canal
under the high trees in spring, or loiter in the market-place
round what the Hun has left of the statue of the famous
Admiral with his attendant nymphs, or wander down
the winding streets that skirt the ancient church and
give glimpses of its unfinished tower.
Peter found it very good to be there
in the days that followed the death of Jenks.
True, it was now nearer to the seat of war than it
had been for years, and air-raids began to be common,
but in a sense the sound of the guns fitted in with
his mood. So great a battle was being fought within
him that the world could not in any case have seemed
wholly at peace, and yet in the quiet fields, or sauntering
of an afternoon by the river, he found it easier than
at Havre to think. Langton was almost his sole
companion, and a considerable intimacy had grown up
between them. Peter found that his friend seemed
to understand a great deal of his thoughts without
explanation. He neither condoled nor exhorted;
rather he watched with an almost shy interest the
other’s inward battle.
They lodged at the Hotel de l’Angleterre,
that hostelry in the street that leads up and out
of the town towards Saint Riquier, which you enter
from a courtyard that opens on the road and has rooms
that you reach by means of narrow, rickety flights
of stairs and balconies overhanging the court.
The big dining-room wore an air of gloomy festivity.
Its chandeliers swathed in brown paper, its faded paint,
and its covered upholstery, suggested that it awaited
a day yet to be when it should blossom forth once
more in glory as in the days of old. Till then
it was as merry as it could be. Its little tables
filled up of an evening with the new cosmopolitan
population of the town, and old Jacques bustled round
with the good wine, and dropped no hint that the choice
brands were nearly at an end in the cellar.
Peter and Langton would have their
war-time apology for petit dejeuner in bed
or alone. Peter, as a rule, was up early, and
used to wander out a little and sometimes into church,
coming back to coffee as good as ever, but war-time
bread instead of rolls on a small table under a low
balcony in the courtyard if it were fine. He
would linger over it, and have chance conversation
with passing strangers of all sorts, from clerical
personages belonging to the Church Army or the Y.M.C.A.
to officers who came and went usually on unrevealed
affairs. Then Langton would come down, and they
would stroll round to the newly-fitted-up office which
had been prepared for the lecture campaign and glance
at maps of districts, and exchange news with the officer
in charge, who, having done all he could, had now
nothing to do but stand by and wait for the next move
from a War Office that had either forgotten his existence
or discovered some hitch in its plans. They had
a couple of lectures from people who were alleged
to know all about such topics as the food shortage
at home or the new plans for housing, but who invariably
turned out to be waiting themselves for the precise
information that was necessary for successful lectures.
After such they would stroll out through the town into
the fields, and Langton would criticise the thing
in lurid but humorous language, and they would come
back to the club and sit or read till lunch.
The club was one of the best in France,
it was an old house with lovely furniture, and not
too much of it, which stood well back from the street
and boasted an old-fashioned garden of shady trees
and spring flowers and green lawns. Peter could
both read and write in its rooms, and it was there
that he finally wrote to Hilda, but not until after
much thought.
After his day with Julie at Caudebec
one might have supposed that there was nothing left
for him to do but break off his engagement to Hilda.
But it did not strike him so. For one thing,
he was not engaged to Julie or anything like it, and
he could not imagine such a situation, even if Julie
had not positively repudiated any desire to be either
engaged or married. He had certainly declared,
in a fit of enthusiasm, that he loved her, but he
had not asked if she loved him. He had seen her
since, but although they were very good friends, nothing
more exciting had passed between them. Peter
was conscious that when he was with Julie she fascinated
him, but that when he was away ah! that
was it, when he was away? It certainly was not
that Hilda came back and took her place; it was rather
that the other things in his mind dominated him.
It was a curious state of affairs. He was less
like an orthodox parson than he had ever been, and
yet he had never thought so much about religion.
He agonised over it now. At times his thoughts
were almost more than he could bear.
It came, then, to this, that he had
not so much changed towards Hilda as changed towards
life. Whether he had really fundamentally changed
in such a way that a break with the old was inevitable
he did not know. Till then Hilda was part of
the old, and if he went back to it she naturally took
her old place in it. If he did not well,
there he invariably came to the end of thought.
Curiously enough, it was when faced with a mental blank
that Julie’s image began to rise in his mind.
If he admitted her, he found himself abandoning himself
to her. He felt sometimes that if he could but
take her in his arms he could let the world go by,
and God with it. Her kisses were at least a reality.
There was neither convention nor subterfuge nor divided
allegiance there. She was passion, naked and
unashamed, and at least real.
And then he would remember that much
of this was problematical after all, for they had
never kissed as that passion demanded, or at least
that he had never so kissed her. He was not sure
of the first. He knew that he did not understand
Julie, but he felt, if he did kiss her, it would be
a kiss of surrender, of finality. He feared to
look beyond that, and he could not if he would.
He wrote, then, to Hilda, and he told
of the death of Jenks, and of their arrival in Abbeville,
“You must understand, dear,” he said, “that
all this has had a tremendous effect upon me.
In that train all that I had begun to feel about the
uselessness of my old religion came to a head.
I could do no more for that soul than light a cigarette....
Possibly no one could have done any more, but I cannot,
I will not believe it. Jenks was not fundamentally
evil, or at least I don’t think so. He was
rather a selfish fool who had no control, that is
all. He did not serve the devil; it was much
more that he had never seen any master to serve.
And I could do nothing. I had no master to show
him.
“You may say that that is absurd:
that Christ is my Master, and I could have shown Him.
Hilda, so He is: I cling passionately to that.
But listen: I can’t express Him, I don’t
understand Him. I no longer feel that He was
animating and ordering the form of religion I administered.
It is not that I feel Anglicanism to be untrue, and
something else say Wesleyanism to
be true; it is much more that I feel them all to be
out of touch with reality. That’s it.
I don’t think you can possibly see it, but that
is the main trouble.
“That, too, brings me to my
next point, and this I find harder still to express.
I want you to realise that I feel as if I had never
seen life before. I feel as if I had been shown
all my days a certain number of pictures and told
that they were the real thing, or given certain descriptions
and told that they were true. I had always accepted
that they were. But, Hilda, they are not.
Wickedness is not wicked in the way that I was told
it was wicked, and what I was told was salvation is
not the salvation men and women want. I have
been playing in a fool’s paradise all these
years, and I’ve got outside the gate. I
am distressed and terrified, I think, but underneath
it all I am very glad....
“You will say, ‘What are
you going to do?’ and I can only reply, I don’t
know. I’m not going to make any vast change,
if you mean that. A padre I am, and a padre I
shall stay for the war at least, and none of us can
see beyond that at present. But what I do mean
to do is just this: I mean to try and get down
to reality myself and try to weigh it up. I am
going to eat and drink with publicans and sinners;
maybe I shall find my Master still there.”
Peter stopped and looked up.
Langton was stretched out in a chair beside him, reading
a novel, a pipe in his mouth. Moved by an impulse,
he interrupted him.
“Old man,” he said, “I
want you to let me read you a bit of this letter.
It’s to my girl, but there’s nothing rotten
in reading it. May I?”
Langton did not move. “Carry on,”
he said shortly.
Peter finished and put down the sheet.
The other smoked placidly and said nothing. “Well?”
demanded Peter impatiently.
“I should cut out that last
sentence,” pronounced the judge.
“Why? It’s true.”
“Maybe, but it isn’t pretty.”
“Langton,” burst out Peter,
“I’m sick of prettinesses! I’ve
been stuffed up with them all my life, and so has
she. I want to break with them.”
“Very likely, and I don’t
say that it won’t be the best thing for you to
try for a little to do so, but she hasn’t been
where you’ve been or seen what you’ve
seen. You can’t expect her wholly to understand.
And more than that, maybe she is meant for prettinesses.
After all, they’re pretty.”
Peter stabbed the blotting-paper with
his pen. “Then she isn’t meant for
me,” he said.
“I’m not so sure,”
said Langton. “I don’t know that you’ve
stuff enough in you to get on without those same prettinesses
yourself. Most of us haven’t. And
at any rate I wouldn’t burn my boats yet awhile.
You may want to escape yet.”
Peter considered this in silence.
Then he drew the sheets to him and added a few more
words, folded the paper, put it in the envelope, and
stuck it down. “Come on,” he said,
“let’s go and post this and have a walk.”
Langton got up and looked at him curiously,
as he sometimes did. “Peter,” he
said, “you’re a weird blighter, but there’s
something damned gritty in you. You take life
too strenuously. Why can’t you saunter through
it like I do?”
Peter reached for this cap. “Come
on,” he said again, “and don’t talk
rot.”
Out in the street, they strolled aimlessly
on, more or less in silence. The big book-shop
at the corner detained them for a little, and they
regarded its variegated contents through the glass.
It contained a few good prints, and many more poorly
executed coloured pictures of ruined places in France
and Belgium, of which a few, however, were not bad.
Cheek by jowl with some religious works, a statue of
Notre Dame d’Albert, and some more of Jeanne
d’Arc, were a line of pornographic novels and
beyond packets of picture post-cards entitled Theatreuses,
Le Bain de la Parisienne, Les Seins des Marbre,
and so on. Then Langton drew Graham’s attention
to one or two other books, one of which had a gaudy
cover representing a mistress with a birch-rod in
her hands and a number of canes hung up beside her,
while a girl of fifteen or so, with very red cheeks,
was apparently about to be whipped. “Good
Lord,” said Langton, “the French are beyond
me. This window is a study for you, Graham, in
itself. I should take it that it means that there
is nothing real in life. It is utterly cynical.
“’And if the Wine you drink, the Lip you
press,
End in what All begins and ends in Yes;
Think then you are To-day what Yesterday
You were To-morrow you shall not be less,’”
he quoted.
“Yes,” said Peter.
“Or else it means that there are only two realities,
and that the excellent person who keeps this establishment
regards both in a detached way, and conceives it her
business to cater for each. Let’s go on.”
They turned the corner, and presently
found themselves outside the famous carven door of
the church. “Have you ever been round?”
asked Peter.
“No,” said Langton; “let’s
go in.”
They passed through the door into
the old church, which, in contrast to that at Le Havre,
was bathed in the daylight that streamed through many
clear windows. Together they wandered round it,
saying little. They inspected an eighteenth-century
statue of St. Roch, who was pulling up his robe to
expose a wound and looking upwards at the same time
seraphically or, at least, after the manner
that the artist of that age had regarded as seraphic.
A number of white ribbons and some wax figures of
feet and hands and other parts of the body were tied
to him. They stood before a wonderful coloured
alabaster reredos of the fourteenth century, in which
shepherds and kings and beasts came to worship at the
manger. They had a little conversation as to the
architectural periods of the nave, choir, and transepts,
and Langton was enthusiastic over a noble pillar and
arch. Beyond they gazed in silence at a statue
of Our Lady Immaculate in modern coloured plaster,
so arranged that the daylight fell through an unseen
opening upon her. Among the objects in front were
a pair of Renaissance candlesticks of great beauty.
A French officer came up and arranged and lit a votive
candle as they watched, and then went back to stand
in silence by a pillar. The church door banged
and two peasants came in, one obviously from the market,
with a huge basket of carrots and cabbages and some
long, thin French loaves. She deposited this
just inside the door, took holy water, clattered up
towards the high altar, dropped a curtsy, and made
her way to an altar of the Sacred Heart, at which
she knelt. Peter sighed. “Come on,”
he said; “let’s get out.”
Langton marched on before him, and
held the door back as they stepped into the street.
“Well, philosopher,” he demanded, “what
do you make of that?”
Peter smiled. “What do you?” he said.
“Well,” said Langton,
“it leaves me unmoved, except when I’m
annoyed by the way their wretched images spoil the
church, but it is plain that they like it. I
should say one of your two realities is there.
But I find it hard to forgive the bad art.”
“Do you?” said Peter,
“I don’t. It reminds me of those appalling
enlargements of family groups that you see, for example,
in any Yorkshire cottage. They are unutterably
hideous, but they stand for a real thing that is honest
and beautiful the love of home and family.
And by the same token, when the photographs got exchanged,
as they do in Mayfair, for modern French pictures
of nude women, or some incredible Futurist extravagance,
that love has usually flown out of the window.”
“Humph!” said Langton “not
always. Besides, why can’t a family group
be made artistically, and so keep both art and love?
I should think we ought to aim at that.”
“I suppose we ought,”
said Peter, “but in our age the two don’t
seem to go together. Goodness alone knows why.
Why, hullo!” he broke off.
“What’s up now?” demanded Langton.
“Why, there, across the street,
if that isn’t a nurse I know from Havre, I don’t
know who it is. Wait a tick.”
He crossed the road, and saw, as he
got near, that it was indeed Julie. He came up
behind her as she examined a shop-window. “By
all that’s wonderful, what are you doing here?”
he asked.
She turned quickly, her eyes dancing.
“I wondered if I should meet you,” she
said. “You see, your letter told me you
were coming here, but I haven’t heard from you
since you came, and I didn’t know if you had
started your tour or not. I came simply enough.
There’s a big South African hospital here, and
we had to send up a batch of men by motor. As
they knew I was from South Africa, they gave me the
chance to come with them.”
“Well, I am glad,”
said Peter, devouring the sight of her. “Wait
a minute; I must introduce you to Langton. He
and I are together, and he’s a jolly good chap.”
He turned and beckoned Langton, who
came over and was introduced. They walked up
the street a little way together. “Where
are you going now?” asked Peter.
“Back to the hospital,”
said Julie. “A car starts from the square
at twelve-forty-five, and I have to be in for lunch.”
“Have you much to do up there?” asked
Peter.
“Oh no,” she said, “my
job’s done. I clear off the day after to-morrow.
We only got in last night, so I get a couple of days’
holiday. What are you doing? You don’t
look any too busy.”
Peter glanced across at Langton and
laughed. “We aren’t,” he said.
“The whole stunt’s a wash-out, if you
ask me, and we’re really expecting to be sent
back any day. There’s too much doing now
for lectures. Is the hospital full?”
“Packed,” said Julie gravely.
“The papers say we’re falling back steadily
so as not to lose men, but the facts don’t bear
it out. We’re crammed out. It’s
ghastly; I’ve never known it so bad.”
Peter had hardly ever seen her grave
before, and her face showed a new aspect of her.
He felt a glow of warmth steal over him. “I
say,” he said, “couldn’t you dine
with us to-night? We’re at the Angleterre,
and its tremendously respectable.”
She laughed, her gravity vanishing
in a minute. “I must say,” she said,
“that I’d love to see you anywhere really
respectable. He’s a terrible person for
a padre don’t you think so, Captain
Langton?”
“Terrible,” said Langton.
“But really the Angleterre is quite proper.
You don’t get any too bad a dinner, either.
Do come, Miss Gamelyn.”
She appeared to consider. “I
might manage it,” she said at last, stopping
just short of entering the square; “but I haven’t
the nerve to burst in and ask for you. Nor will
it do for you to see me all the way to that car, or
we shall have a dozen girls talking. If you will
meet me somewhere,” she added, looking at Peter,
“I’ll risk it. I’ll have a
headache and not go to first dinner; then the first
will think I’m at the second, and the second
at the first. Besides, I’ve no duty, and
the hospital’s not like Havre. It’s
all spread out in huts and tents, and it’s easy
enough to get in. Last, but not least, it’s
Colonial, and the matron is a brick. Yes, I’ll
come.”
“Hurrah!” said Peter.
“I tell you what: I’ll meet you at
the cross-roads below the hospital and bring you on.
Will that do? What time? Five-thirty?”
“Heavens! do you dine at five-thirty?”
demanded Julie.
“Well, not quite, but we’ve got to get
down,” said Peter, laughing.
“All right,” said Julie,
“five-thirty, and the saints preserve us.
Look here, I shall chance it and come in mufti if
possible. No one knows me here.”
“Splendid!” said Peter. “Good-bye,
five-thirty.”
“Good-bye,” said Langton; “we’ll
go and arrange our menu.”
“There must be champagne,”
called Julie merrily over her shoulder, and catching
his eye.
The two men watched her make for the
car across the sunlit square, then they strolled round
it towards a cafe. “Come on,” said
Langton; “let’s have an appetiser.”
From the little marble-topped table
Peter watched the car drive away. Julie was laughing
over something with another girl. It seemed to
conclude the morning, somehow. He raised his glass
and looked at Langton. “Well,” he
said, “here’s to reality, wherever it is.”
“And here’s to getting
along without too much of it,” said Langton,
smiling at him.
The dinner was a great success at
least, in the beginning. Julie wore a frock of
some soft brown stuff, and Peter could hardly keep
his eyes off her. He had never seen her out of
uniform before, and although she was gay enough, she
said and did nothing very exciting. If Hilda had
been there she need hardly have behaved differently,
and for a while Peter was wholly delighted. Then
it began to dawn on him that she was playing up to
Langton, and that set in train irritating thoughts.
He watched the other jealously, and noticed how the
girl drew him out to speak of his travels, and how
excellently he did it, leaning back at coffee with
his cigarette, polite, pleasant, attractive.
Julie, who usually smoked cigarette after cigarette
furiously, only, however, getting through about half
of each, now refused a second, and glanced at the
clock about 8.30.
“Oh,” she said, “I must go.”
Peter remonstrated. “If
you can stay out later at Havre,” he said, “why
not here?”
She laughed lightly. “I’m
reforming,” she said, “in the absence of
bad companions. Besides, they are used to my
being later at Havre, but here I might be spotted,
and then there would be trouble. Would you fetch
my coat, Captain Graham?”
Peter went obediently, and they all
three moved out into the court.
“Come along and see her home,
Langton,” he said, though he hardly knew why
he included the other.
“Thanks,” said his friend;
“but if Miss Gamelyn will excuse me, I ought
not. I’ve got some reading I must do for
to-morrow, and I want to write a letter or two as
well. You’ll be an admirable escort, Graham.”
“Good-night,” said Julie,
holding out her hand; “perhaps we shall meet
again some time. One is always running up against
people in France. And thank you so much for your
share of the entertainment.”
In a few seconds Peter and she were
outside. The street was much darkened, and there
was no moon. They walked in silence for a little.
Suddenly he stopped. “Wouldn’t you
like a cab?” he said; “we might be able
to get one.”
Julie laughed mischievously, and Peter
gave a little start in the dark. It struck him
that this was the old laugh and that he had not heard
it that night before. “It’s convenient,
of course,” she said mockingly. “Do
get one by all means. But last time I came home
with you in a cab, you let me finish alone. I
thought that was to be an invariable rule.”
“Oh, don’t Julie,” said Peter.
Her tone changed. “Why
not?” she demanded. “Solomon, what’s
made you so glum to-night? You were cheerful
enough when you met me, and when we began; then you
got silent. What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” he said.
She slipped her hand in his arm.
“There is something,” she said. “Do
tell me.”
“Do you like Langton?” he asked.
“Oh, immensely why? Oh, Lord,
Solomon, what do you mean?”
“You were different in his presence,
Julie, from anything you’ve been before.”
They took a few paces in silence;
then Peter had an idea, and glanced at her. She
was laughing silently to herself. He let her hand
fall from his arm, and looked away. He knew he
was behaving like an ass, but he could not help it.
She stopped suddenly. “Peter,”
she said, “I want to talk to you. Take me
somewhere where it’s possible.”
“At this hour of the evening? What about
being late?”
She gave a little stamp with her foot,
then laughed again. “What a boy it is!”
she said. “Don’t you know anywhere
to go?”
Peter hesitated; then he made up his
mind. There was an hotel he knew of, out of the
main street, of none too good a reputation. Some
men had taken Langton and him there, once, in the
afternoon, between the hours in which drinks were
legally sold, and they had gone through the hall into
a little back-room that was apparently partly a sitting-room,
partly part of the private rooms of the landlord,
and had been served there. He recalled the description
of one of the men: “It’s a place to
know. You can always get a drink, and take in
anyone you please.”
“Come on, then,” he said, and turned down
a back-street.
“Where in the world are you
taking me?” demanded Julie. “I shall
have no reputation left if this gets out.”
“Nor shall I,” said Peter.
“Nor you will; what a spree! Do you think
it’s worth it, Peter?”
Under a shaded lamp they were passing
at the moment, he glanced at her, and his pulses raced!
“Good God, Julie!” he said, “you
could do anything with me.”
She chuckled with laughter, her brown
eyes dancing. “Maybe,” she said,
“but I’m out to talk to you for your good
now.”
They turned another corner, into an
old street, and under an arch. Peter walked forward
to the hotel entrance, and entered. There was
a woman in the office, who glanced up, and looked,
first at Peter, then at Julie. On seeing her
behind him, she came forward. “What can
I do for monsieur?” she asked.
“Good-evening, madame,”
said Peter. “I was here the other day.
Give us a bottle of wine in that little room at the
back, will you?”
“Why, certainly, monsieur,”
said she. “Will madame follow me?
It is this way.”
She opened, the door, and switched
on the light, “Shall I light the fire, madame?”
she demanded.
Julie beamed on her. “Ah,
yes; that would be jolly,” she said. “And
the wine, madame Beaune.”
The woman smiled and bowed. “Let
madame but seat herself and it shall come,”
she said, and went out.
Julie took off her hat, and walked
to the glass, patting her hair. “Give me
a cigarette, my dear,” she said. “It
was jolly hard only to smoke one to-night.”
Peter opened and handed her his case
in silence, then pulled up a big chair. There
was a knock at the door, and a girl came in with the
wine and glasses, which she set on the table, and,
then knelt down to light the fire. She withdrew
and shut the door. They were alone.
Peter was still standing. Julie
glanced at him, and pointed to a chair opposite.
“Give me a drink, and then go and sit there,”
she said.
He obeyed. She pulled her skirts
up high to the blaze and pushed one foot out to the
logs, and sat there, provocative, sipping her wine
and puffing little puffs of smoke from her cigarette.
“Now, then,” she said, “what did
I do wrong to-night?”
Peter was horribly uncomfortable.
He felt how little he knew this girl, and he felt
also how much he loved her.
“Nothing, dear,” he said; “I was
a beast.”
“Well,” she said, “if
you won’t tell me, I’ll tell you.
I was quite proper to-night, immensely and intensely
proper, and you didn’t like it. You had
never seen me so. You thought, too, that I was
making up to your friend. Isn’t that so?”
Peter nodded. He marvelled that
she should know so well, and he wondered what was
coming.
“I wonder what you really think
of me, Peter,” she went on. “I suppose
you think I never can be serious no, I won’t
say serious conventional. But you’re
very stupid; we all of us can be, and must be sometimes.
You asked me just now what I thought of your friend well,
I’ll tell you. He is as different from
you as possible. He has his thoughts, no doubt,
but he prefers to be very tidy. He takes refuge
in the things you throw overboard. He’s
not at all my sort, and he’s not yours either,
in a way. Goodness knows what will happen to
either of us, but he’ll be Captain Langton to
the end of his days. I envy that sort of person
intensely, and when I meet him I put on armour.
See?”
Peter stared at her. “How
is he different from Donovan?” he asked.
“Donovan! Oh, Lord, Peter,
how dull you are! Donovan has hardly a thought
in his head about anything except Donovan. He
was born a jolly good sort, and he’s sampled
pretty well everything. He’s cool as a cucumber,
though he has his passions like everyone else.
If you keep your head, you can say or do anything
with Donovan. But Langton is deliberate.
He knows about things, and he refuses and chooses.
I didn’t want ...” She broke off.
“Peter,” she said savagely, “in two
minutes that man would know more about me than you
do, if I let him.”
He had never seen her so. The
childish brown eyes had a look in them that reminded
him of an animal caught in a trap. He sprang up
and dropped on his knees by her side, catching her
hand.
“Oh, Julie, don’t,”
he said. “What do you mean? What is
there about you that I don’t know? How
are you different from either of them?”
She threw her cigarette away, and
ran her fingers through his hair, then made a gesture,
almost as if pushing something away, Peter thought,
and laughed her old ringing trill of laughter.
“Lor’, Peter, was I tragic?
I didn’t mean to be, my dear. There’s
a lot about me that you don’t know, but something
that you’ve guessed. I can’t abide
shams and conventions really. Let’s have
life, I say, whatever it is. Heavens! I’ve
seen street girls with more in them than I pretended
to your friend to have in me to-night. They at
least deal with human nature in the raw. But
that’s why I love you; there’s no need
to pretend to you, partly because, at bottom, you
like real things as much as I, and partly because oh,
never mind.”
“Julie, I do mind tell me,”
he insisted.
Her face changed again. “Not
now, Peter,” she said. “Perhaps one
day who can say? Meantime, go on liking
me, will you?”
“Like you!” he exclaimed,
springing up, “Why, I adore you! I love
you! Oh, Julie, I love you! Kiss me, darling,
now, quick!”
She pushed him off. “Not
now,” she cried; “I’ve got to have
my revenge. I know why you wouldn’t come
home in the cab! Come! we’ll clink glasses,
but that’s all there is to be done to-night!”
She sprang up, flushed and glowing, and held out an
empty glass.
Peter filled hers and his, and they
stood opposite to each other. She looked across
the wine at him, and it seemed to him that he read
a longing and a passion in her eyes, deep down below
the merriness that was there now. “Cheerio,
old boy,” she said, raising hers. “And
’here’s to the day when your big boots
and my little shoes lie outside the same closed door!’”
“Julie!” he said, “you don’t
mean it!”
“Don’t I? How do
you know, old sober-sides. Come, buck up, Solomon;
we’ve been sentimental long enough. I’d
like to go to a music-hall now or do a skirt-dance.
But neither’s really possible; certainly not
the first, and you’d be shocked at the second.
I’m half a mind to shock you, though, only my
skirt’s not long and wide enough, and I’ve
not enough lace underneath. I’ll spare
you. Come on!”
She seized her hat and put it on.
They went out into the hall. There was a man
in uniform there, at the office, and a girl, French
and unmistakable, who glanced at Julie, and then turned
away. Julie nodded to madame, and did not
glance at the man, but as she passed the girl she
said distinctly, “Bon soir, mademoiselle.”
The girl started and turned towards her. Julie
smiled sweetly and passed on.
Peter took her arm in the street,
for it was quite dark and deserted.
“Why did you do that?” he said.
“What?” she demanded.
“Speak to that girl. You know what she
is?”
“I do a poor devil
that’s playing with Fate for the sake of a laugh
and a bit of ribbon. I’m jolly sorry for
her, for they are both worth a great deal, and it’s
hard to be cheated into thinking you’ve got them
when Fate is really winning the deal. And I saw
her face before she turned away. Why do you think
she turned away, Peter? Not because she was ashamed,
but because she is beginning to know that Fate wins.
Oh, la! la! what a world! Let’s be more
cheerful. ’There’s a long, long trail
a-winding.’” she hummed.
Peter laughed. “Oh, my dear,” he
said, “was there ever anyone like you?”
Langton was reading in his room when Peter looked
in to say good-night.
“Hullo!” he said. “See her
home?”
“Yes,” said Peter. “What did
you think of her?”
“She’s fathoms deep, I
should say. But I should take care if I were you,
my boy. It’s all very well to eat and drink
with publicans and sinners, though, as I told you,
it’s better no one should know. But they
are dangerous company.”
“Why especially?” demanded Peter.
Langton stretched himself. “Oh,
I don’t know,” he said. “Perhaps
because society’s agin ’em.”
“Look here, Langton,”
said Peter. “Do you hear what I say? Damn
society! Besides, do you think your description
applies to that girl?”
Langton smiled. “No,”
he said, “I shouldn’t think so, but she’s
not your sort, Peter. When you take that tunic
off, you’ve got to put on a black coat.
Whatever conclusions you come to, don’t forget
that.”
“Have I?” said Peter; “I wonder.”
Langton got up. “Of course
you have,” he said. “Life’s
a bit of a farce, but one’s got to play it.
See here, I believe in facing facts and getting one’s
eyes open, but not in making oneself a fool. Nothing’s
worth that.”
“Isn’t it?” said Peter; and again,
“I wonder.”
“Well, I don’t, and at any rate I’m
for bed. Good-night.”
“Good-night,” said Peter;
“I’m off too. But I don’t agree
with you. I’m inclined to think exactly
the opposite that anything worth having
is worth making oneself a fool over. What is
a fool, anyway? Good-night.”
He closed the door, and Langton walked
over to the window to open it. He stood there
a few minutes listening to the silence. Then a
cock crew somewhere, and was answered far away by
another. “Yes,” said Langton to himself,
“what is a fool, anyway?”