If it had not been for Bunsey, the
novelist, I might have attained the heights.
As a critic Bunsey has never commanded my highest
admiration, and yet I have had my tender moments for
him. From a really exacting standpoint he was
not much of a novelist, and to his failure to win
the wealth which is supposed to accompany fame I may
have owed much of the debt of his sustained presence
and his fondness for my tobacco. Bunsey had started
out in life with high ideals, a resolution to lead
the purely literary existence and to supply the market
with a variety of choice, didactic essays along the
line of high thinking; but the demand did not come
up to the supply, and presently he abandoned his original
lofty intention in favor of a sort of dubious romance.
The financial returns, however, while a trifle more
regular and encouraging, were not of sufficient importance
to justify him in giving up his friendly claims on
my house, my library, my time, my favorite lounge,
and my best brand of cigars, in return for which he
contributed philosophic opinions and much strenuous
advice on topics in general and literature in particular.
From my childhood I have been in the
habit of keeping a diary, a running comment on the
daily incidents of my pleasant but uneventful life,
and occasionally, when Bunsey’s society seemed
too assertive and familiar, I sought to punish him
by reading long and numerous excerpts. To do
him justice he took the chastisement meekly, and even
insisted that I was burying a remarkable talent, sometimes
going to the magnanimous extreme of offering to introduce
me to his publisher, and to speak a good word for
me to the editors of certain magazines with whom he
maintained a brisk correspondence, not infrequently
of a querulous nature. All these friendly offices
I gently put aside, in recalling the degradation of
Bunsey’s ideals, though I went on tolerating
Bunsey, who had a good heart and an insistent manner.
In this way I possibly deprived myself of a glorious
career.
My ability to befriend Bunsey was
due to a felicitous chain of circumstances. When
the late Mrs. Stanhope passed to her reward, she considerately
left behind a document making me the recipient of
her entire and not inconsiderable fortune. This
proved a most unexpected blow to the church, which
had enjoyed the honor and pleasure of Mrs. Stanhope’s
association, and which, quite naturally, had hoped
to profit by her decease. The late Mrs. Stanhope,
who I neglected to say was, in the eyes of Heaven,
the world, and the law, my wife, had not lived with
me in that utter abandonment to conjugal affection
so much to be desired. We married to please our
families, and we lived apart as much as possible to
please ourselves. Though not without certain
physical charms, Mrs. Stanhope was a woman of great
moral rigidity and religious austerity, who saw life
through the diminishing end of a sectarian telescope,
and who cared far more for the distant heathen than
for the local convivial pagans who composed my entourage.
She had brought to me a considerable sum of money,
which I had increased by judicious investments, and
I dare say that it was in recognition of my business
ability, as well as possibly in a moment of becoming
wifely remorse, that she bequeathed to me her property
intact. I gave her final testimonial services
wholly in keeping with her standing as a church-woman,
and I must say for my friends, whom she had severely
ignored during her life, that they behaved very handsomely
on that mournful occasion. They turned out in
large numbers, and testified in other ways to their
regard for her unblemished character. I recall,
not without emotion after all these years, that Bunsey’s
memorial tribute to the church paper for
which he never received a dollar was a model
of appreciation as well as of Christian forgiveness
and self-forgetfulness.
The passing of Mrs. Stanhope made
it possible for me to put into operation the long-desired
plan of retiring a little way into the country, not
too far from the seductions of the club and the city,
but far enough to conform to the tastes of a country
gentleman who likes to whistle to his dogs, putter
over his roses, and meditate in a comfortable library
with the poets and philosophers of his fancy.
Here, with my good house-keeper, Prudence a
name I chose in preference to her mother’s selection,
Elizabeth and my gardener and man of affairs,
Malachy, I lived for a number of years at peace with
the world and perfectly satisfied with myself.
Although I was dangerously over forty, and my hair,
which had been impressively dark, was conspicuously
gray in spots, my figure was good, my dress correct,
and my mirror told me that I was still in a position
to be in the matrimonial running if I tried.
I mention these trifling physical details merely to
save my modesty the humiliation and annoyance of referring
to them in future, and to prepossess the gentle reader
wherever the sex makes it highly important.
I do not deny that in certain moments
of loneliness which come to us, widowers and bachelors
alike, I had the impulse to tempt again the matrimonial
fortune, and counting on my financial standing, together
with other attractions, I ran over the eligible ladies
of my acquaintance. But one was a little too old,
and another was a good deal too flighty. One was
too fond of society, and another did not like dogs.
A fifth spoiled her chances by an unwomanly ignorance
of horticulture, and a sixth perished miserably after
returning to me one of my most cherished books with
the leaves dog-eared and the binding cracked.
For I hold with the greatest philosophers that she
who maltreats a book will never make a good wife.
And so the years slipped cosily and cheerily by, while
I grew more contented with my environment and less
envious of my married friends, and whenever temporary
melancholy overtook me I moved into the club for a
month, or slipped across the water, finding in the
change of scene immediate relief from the monotony
of widowerhood.
In thus fortifying myself against
the wiles of woman I was much abetted by my good Prudence,
who never ceased her exhortations as to the sinister
designs of her sex, and who had a ready word of discouragement
for any possible candidate who might be in the line
of succession. “I see that Rogers woman
walkin’ by the house to-day, Mr. John,”
she would begin, “and I see her turnin’
her nose up at the new paint on the arbor.”
(I selected that color myself.) “It’s
queer how that woman does give herself airs, considerin’
everybody knows she’s been ready for ten years
to take the fust man that asks her.” Prudence
knew that I had escorted the elderly Miss Rogers to
the theatre only the week before, and had commented
pleasantly on the elegance of her figure. But
the slight put upon my eye for color was too much.
Wily Prudence!
Or a day or two after I had rendered
an act of neighborly kindness to the bereaved Mrs.
Stebbins she would say quite casually:
“I don’t want to utter
one word agin the poor and afflicted, Mr. John, but
when the Widder Stebbins hit Cleo with a broom to-day
I own I b’iled over. I shouldn’t
tell you if it warn’t my duty.”
Cleopatra was my favorite cocker spaniel,
and any faint impression my fair neighbor may have
made on my unguarded heart was immediately dispelled.
Thus subtly and vigilantly my house-keeper kept the
outer gates of the citadel, and shooed away a possible
mistress as effectually as she dispersed the predatory
hens from the garden patch.
But with the younger generation of
women, good Prudence was less cautious. Any maiden
under the very early twenties she regarded fair material
for my friendly offices, and frequently she visited
me with expressions commendatory of good conduct.
“I likes to see you with the
children, Mr. John, bless ’em, sir. And
they do all seem to be so fond of you. There’s
nothin’ that keeps the heart so young and fresh
as goin’ with young people, just as nothin’
ages a man so much as havin’ a lot of widders
and designin’ old maids about. Of course,”
she added, with a return of her natural suspicion,
“you are old enough to be father to the whole
bunch, which keeps people from talkin’.”
Whether it was Prudence’s approbation
or my own inclination I cannot say, but it soon came
about that I was on paternally familiar terms with
the entire neighborhood of maidens of reasonably tender
years, and a very important factor in young feminine
councils. These artful creatures knew exactly
when their favorite roses were in bloom, exactly when
the cherries back of the house were ripe, exactly
when it was time to go to town for another theatre
party, to give a picnic up the river, or a small and
informal dance in the parlors. I was expected
to remember and observe all birthdays, to be a well-spring
of benevolence at Christmas, and a free and never-failing
florist at Easter. I was the recipient of all
young griefs and troubles, and no girl ever committed
herself unconditionally to the arms of her lover until
she had talked the matter over with Uncle John.
All this, to a good-looking man of well,
considerably over forty, was flattering, but no sinecure.
One morning, in the late spring, it
came over me unhappily that in a moment of fatal forgetfulness
I had promised to be present that evening at a card-party a
promise exacted by the “Rogers woman,”
persona non grata to Prudence. A card-party
was to me in the category with battle and murder and
sudden death, from which we all petition to be delivered
in the book of common prayer but how to
be delivered? I could not be called suddenly
to town, for I had already run that excuse to its full
limit. I could not conveniently start for Europe
on an hour’s notice. The plea of sickness
I dismissed as feminine and unworthy. And while
I sat debating to what extreme I could tax my over-burdened
conscience, Malachy appeared with the information that
he had discovered unmistakable signs of cutworms in
the rose-bushes, and that the local custodians of
the trees were thundering against an impending epidemic
of brown-tailed moth. Surely my path of duty
led to the garden. But that card-party? No,
let the cutworm work his will, and let the brown-tailed
moth corrupt; I must take refuge in flight, however
inglorious. It was then that the good angel,
who never forsakes a well-meaning man, whispered to
me that far back in a quiet corner of New England
was the little village where I had passed my boyhood,
which I had deserted for five and twenty years, but
which still remembered me as “Johnny”
Stanhope, thanks to the officious longevity of the
editor of the county paper.
The situation I explained briefly
to Prudence and Malachy, and swore them into the conspiracy.
I threw a few clothes into a small trunk, despatched
a hypocritical note of regret to Miss Rogers, caught
the noon train, and was soon beyond the danger line.
Mrs. Lot, casting an apprehensive glance behind her,
could not have dreaded more fearful consequences than
I, looking back on the calamity I was evading.
But as we went on and on into the cool, quiet country,
and felt the soft air stealing down from the nearing
mountains, I began to experience a lively sense of
relief and pleasure, and to wonder why I had so long
delayed a visit to my boyhood home.
I am sorry for the man whose childhood
knew only the roar and bustle and swiftly shifting
scenes of the city. For him there is no return
in after years, no illusion to be renewed, no joy of
youth to be substantiated. His habitation has
passed away or yielded to the inroads of commerce,
his landmarks have vanished, and he is bewildered
by the strange sights that time and trade have put
upon his memories. But time has no terrors for
the country-bred boy. The Almighty does not change
the mountains and the rivers and the great rocks that
fortify the scenery, and man is slow to push back
into the far meadowlands and the hillsides, and destroy
the simple, primitive life of the fathers.
All of the joy that such a returning
pilgrim might have I felt when I left the train at
the junction, and, scorning the pony engine and combination
car supplied in later years by the railway company
as a tribute to progress, set out to walk the two miles
to the village. Every foot of the country I had
played over as a boy. Here was the field where
Deacon Skinner did his “hayin’”;
just beyond the deacon raised his tobacco crop.
That roof over there, which I once detected as the
top of Jim Pomeroy’s barn, reminded me of the
day of the raisin’, when I sprained my ankle
and thereby saved myself a thrashing for running away.
Here was Pickerel Pond, the scene of many miraculous
draughts, and now I crossed Peach brook which babbled
along under the road just as saucily and untiringly
as if it had slept all these years and was just awaking
to fresh life. A hundred rods up the brook was
the Widow Parsons’s farm, and I knew that if
I went through the side gate, cut across the barnyard,
and kept down to the left, I should find that same
old stump on which Bill Howland sat the day he caught
the biggest dace ever pulled out of the quiet pool.
The sun was going down behind Si Thompson’s
planing mill as I stopped at the little red covered
bridge that marked the boundary of the village.
Silas had been dead for twenty years, but it seemed
to me that it was only yesterday that I heard his nasal
twang above the roar of the machinery: “Sa-ay,
you fellers want to git out o’ that!”
The little bridge had lost much of its color and most
of its impressiveness, for I remembered when to my
boyish fancy it seemed a greater triumph of engineering
than the Victoria bridge at Montreal. And the
same old thrill went through me as I started to run just
as I did when a boy and felt the planks
loosen and creak under my feet. Here was a home-coming
worth the while.
Hank Pettigrew kept the village tavern.
The memory of man, so far as I knew, ran not back
to the time when Hank did not keep the tavern.
So I was not in the least surprised, as I entered,
to see the old man, with his chair tilted back against
the wall, his knees on a level with his chin, and
his eyes fixed on a chromo of “Muster Day,”
which had descended to him through successive generations.
He did not move as I advanced, or manifest the slightest
emotion of surprise, merely saying, “Hullo, Johnny,”
as if he expected me to remark that mother had sent
me over to see if he had any ice cream left over from
dinner. It probably did not occur to Hank that
I had been absent twenty-five years. If it had
occurred to him, he would have considered such a trifling
flight of time not worth mentioning.
With the question of lodging and supper
disposed of, and with the modest bribe of a cigar,
which Hank furtively exchanged for a more accustomed
brand of valley leaf, it was not difficult to loosen
the old landlord’s tongue and secure information
of my playmates. What had become of Teddy Grover,
the pride of our school on exhibition day? Could
we ever forget the afternoon he stood up before the
minister and the assembled population and roared “Marco
Bozzaris” until we were sure the sultan was quaking
in his seraglio? And how he thundered “Blaze
with your serried columns, I will not bend the knee!”
To our excited imaginations what dazzling triumphs
the future held out for Teddy.
“Yep; Ted’s still a-beout.
Three days in the week he drives stage coach over
to Spicerville, and the rest o’ the time he does
odd jobs sort o’ tendin’ round.”
And Sallie Cotton black-eyed,
curly-haired, mischievous little sprite, the agony
of the teacher and the love and admiration of the
boys! Who climbed trees, rattled to school in
the butcher wagon, never knew a lesson, but was always
leading lady in the school colloquies, and was surely
destined to rise to eminence on the American stage
if she did not break her neck tumbling out of old
Skinner’s walnut tree?
“Oh, Sal; she married the Congregational
minister down to Peterfield, and was ’lected
president of the Temperance Union and secretary of
the Endeavorers. Read a piece down at Fust Church
last week on ‘Breakin’ Away from Old Standards,’
illustratin’ the alarmin’ degen’racy
of children nowadays.”
And George Hawley, our Achilles, our
Samson, our ideal of everything manly and courageous!
Strong as an ox and brave as a lion! Our champion
in every form of athletic sports! Who looked
with contempt on girls and disdained their maidenly
advances! Who thought only of deeds of muscular
prowess, and who seemed to carry the assurance of
a force that would lead armies and subdue nations!
What of George?
“Wa-al, George was a-beout
not long ago. Had your room for his samples.
Travellin’ for a house down in Boston, and comes
here reg’lar. Women folks say his last
line o’ shirt waists war the best they ever
see.”
Oh, the times that change, and change
us! Alas, the fleeting years, good Posthumus,
that work such havoc with our childhood dreams and
hopes and aspirations!
It was a relief, after the shattering
of these idols, to leave the society of the communicative
Mr. Pettigrew and wander into the moonlight.
Save as adding beauty to the scenery, the moon was
comparatively of no assistance, for so well was the
little village stamped on my memory, and so little
had it changed in the quarter of a century, that I
could have walked blindfolded to any suggested point.
Naturally I turned my steps toward the home of my
youth, and as I drew near the old-fashioned, many-gabled
house, with its settled, substantial air, austere yet
inviting, its large yard with the huge elms, and the
big lamp burning in the library or “sittin’-room,”
where I first dolefully studied the geography that
told me of a world outside, it seemed to bend toward
me rather frigidly as if to say reproachfully:
“You sold me! you sold me!” True, dear
old home; in my less prosperous days I was guilty
of the crime of selling the house that faithfully
sheltered my family for a hundred years. But have
I not repented? And have I not returned to buy
you back, and to make such further reparation as present
conditions and true repentance demand? Is this
less the pleasure than the duty of wealth?
With what sensations of delight I
walked softly about the grounds, taking note of every
familiar tree and bush and stump. I could have
sworn that not a twig, not a blade of grass, had been
despoiled or had disappeared in the years that marked
my absence. I paused reverently under the old
willow tree and affectionately rubbed my legs, for
from this tree my parents had cut the instruments
of torture for purposes of castigation, and its name,
the weeping willow, was always associated in my infant
mind with the direct results of contact with my unwilling
person. On a level with the top of the willow
was the little attic room where I slept, and the more
sweetly when the crickets chirped, or the summer rain
beat upon the roof, and where the song of the birds
in the morning is the happiest music God has given
to the country. Back of the woodshed I found
the remains of an old grindstone, perhaps the same
heavy crank I had so often perspiringly and reluctantly
turned. Indeed my reviving memories were rather
too generously connected with the strenuousness and
not the pleasures of youth, but I thought of the well-filled
lot in the old burying-ground on the hillside, and
of those lying there who had said: “My
boy, I am doing this for your good.” I
doubted it at the time, but perhaps they were right.
At all events the memories were growing pleasanter,
for a stretch of thirty-five years has many healing
qualities, and our childhood griefs are such little
things in the afterglow.
In the early morning I renewed my
rambles, going first to the little frame school-house,
the old church with its tall spire, the saw-mill,
the deacon’s cider press, the swimming pool,
and a dozen other places of boyish adventure and misadventure.
Your true sentimentalist invariably gives the preference
to scenes over persons, and is so often rewarded by
the fidelity with which they respond to his eager
expectations. It was not until I had exhausted
every incident of the place that I sought out the
companions of my school-days. What strange irony
of fate is that which sends some of us out into the
restless world to grow away from our old ideals and
make others, and restrains some in the monotonous
rut of village life, to drone peacefully their little
span! But happy he, who, knowing nothing, misses
nothing. If there were any village Hampdens,
or mute, inglorious Miltons among my playmates, they
gave no present indications. I found the girls
considerably older than I expected, the boys less
interesting than I hoped; but they all welcomed me
with that grave, unemotional hospitality of the village,
and we talked, far into the shadows, of our schooltime,
the day that is never dead while memory endures.
And so it came about that at the close
of day I found myself standing at the garden gate
of the Eastmann cottage. Peleg Eastmann had been
our village postmaster, a grave, shy man, who had
received the federal office because the thrifty neighbors
agreed, irrespective of political feeling, that it
was much less expensive to give him the office than
to support him and his two daughters, the prettiest
girls in our school. For they further agreed
that Peleg was a “shif’less sort o’
critter” and never could make a living, though
he was a model postmaster and an excellent citizen
and neighbor. Hence, when it came Peleg’s
turn to make the journey to the burying-ground in
the village hearse, the whole community of Meadowvale
was scandalized by the discovery that he had left
his girls a comfortable little fortune, enough to
keep them in modest wealth. Meadowvale never
recovered from this shock. It felt that it had
been victimized, and that its tenderest sensibility
had been violated, and when his disconsolate daughters
put up the granite shaft to their father’s memory,
relating that he had been faithful and just, the indignant
political leader of the village remarked that it was
“profanation of Scriptur’.”
Thirty years ago I had stood at this
little gate with one of the Eastmann girls, escorting
her home from Stella Perkins’s party. I
had attempted to kiss her good-night, and she had boxed
my ears, thus contributing a disagreeable finale to
an otherwise pleasant evening. Time is a great
healer and I cherished no resentment at this late
day toward the repudiator of my caresses. In fact
I smiled in recollection of the incident as I walked
up the gravelled path and knocked at the door.
I wondered if the same vivacious, rosy-cheeked girl
would come to meet me, and if I should feel in duty
bound to make honorable amends. The door was
opened by a tall, spare woman, who carried a lamp.
The light reflected directly on her features, showed
a face that in any other part of the world would be
called hard; in New England it is merely resolute.
It was the face of a woman fifty years of age, with
massive chin, slightly sunken cheeks, a prominent nose,
heavy eyebrows, and a high forehead rather scantily
streaked by gray hair. There was no trace of
the girlish bloom I had known, of the beauty that
once had been hers, but the imperious manner of the
woman was unmistakable.
“Mary,” I began jocularly,
“I have come to apologize.”
She thrust the lamp forward, peered
into my face, and said, with not the faintest trace
of a smile or the slightest evidence of embarrassment:
“Why, that’s all right,
Johnny Stanhope. I accept your apology.
Come right in.”
I went in. We sat in the sitting-room
and talked of our school-days and our fortunes.
I told her how I had gone down to the city, how I
had prospered, of my adventures in the world, of my
marriage dealing very gently with my relations
with the late Mrs. Stanhope of my bereavement
and present idyllic existence. And she told me
of herself, how she had lived on and on in the little
cottage, caring only for the support and education
of her niece, Phyllis Kinglake, an orphan for nearly
twenty years. “You remember Sylvia?”
she said, with the first touch of emotion.
Did I remember Sylvia? My little
fair-haired playmate with the large eyes and the blue
veins showing through the delicate beauty of her face?
Little Sylvia, who first won my boyish affection,
and with whom I made a solemn contract of marriage
when we were only seven years old? Did I not
remember how I would pass her house on my way to school,
and stand at the gate and whistle until she came shyly
out, with her face as red as her little hood and tippet,
and give me her books to carry, and protest with the
ever present coquetry of girlhood that she thought
I had gone long ago? Could I ever forget how
I saved my coppers, one by one, until I had accumulated
a sum large enough to buy a whole cocoanut, which
I presented to her in the proudest moment of my life,
and how the other girls tossed their heads with the
affectation of a sneer, and with pretended indifference
to this astonishing stroke of fortune? And that
fatal evening when I provoked my little beauty’s
wrath, and in all the receding opportunities of “Post-Office”
and “Copenhagen” she had turned her face
and rosy lips away from me, until the world was black
with a hopeless despair? And the singing-school
where she was our shining ornament, and that blissful
night when I stood up with her in the village church,
while we sang our duet descriptive of the special
virtues of some particular flower nominated in the
cantata? And how, growing older and shyer, we
still preserved our youthful fancy even to the day
I struck out into the world, both believing in the
endurance of the tie that would draw me back?
What caprice of fate is it that dispels the illusions
of youth and restores them tenfold in the reflection
of after years and over the gulf of the grave?
Did I remember Sylvia?
Then Mary went on to tell me of Sylvia’s
happy marriage to George Kinglake, how, when little
Phyllis had come, and the world was at its brightest,
the parents had been stricken down in the same week
by a virulent disease, and how, with her dying breath,
the mother had asked her sister to look after her
little one and protect her from sorrow and harm.
Very simply this stern-featured woman told the story
of her efforts to do her duty to her sister’s
child, and it seemed to me that her face grew softer
and her voice gentler as she went over the years they
had grown older together, while the beauty of this
woman’s life was glorified by the willing sacrifices
of imposed motherhood. I could not see Phyllis,
for she was spending the night with friends in another
part of the village. Next time, she hoped, I might
be more successful.
Walking slowly to the tavern my mind
still went back to my little playmate and the golden
days of youth, and if my heart grew a little tenderer,
and my eyes were moistened by the recall, what need
to be ashamed of the emotion? And if in the night
I dreamed that I was a boy again, and that a fair-haired
child played with me in the changing glow of dreamland
in the best and purest scenes of the human comedy,
was it a delusion to be dispelled, a memory to be
put aside? Did I remember Sylvia?
The thought that my train was to leave
at ten o’clock did not depress me as I awoke,
with the sunlight streaming through the window, for,
after all, I was obliged to admit that the monotony
of Meadowvale and the sluggishness of my village friends
were beginning to have an appreciable effect.
Then the memory of little Sylvia came to me again,
and nothing seemed pleasanter, as a benediction to
the old days, than a visit to the burying-ground where
she was sleeping. The previous day I had paid
the obligations of remembrance and respect to the
graves of my kindred, and it gave me at first an uncomfortable
feeling to realize that the thought of them was less
potent than the recollection of this young girl.
But was it strange or inexcusable? Had they not
lived out their lives of honored usefulness, and grown
old and weary of the battle? And had not she
passed away just as the greater joys of living were
unfolding, and the assurance of happiness was the stronger?
Poor Sylvia!
The spectacle of a correctly dressed,
middle-aged man passing down the street, bearing a
somewhat cumbersome burden of lilies-of-the-valley
and forget-me-nots, must have had its peculiar significance
to the inhabitants of the village, and many curious
glances were my reward. I passed along, however,
without explanations in distinct violation of rural
etiquette. The old caretaker of the burying-ground
met me at the entrance and gave me the directions second
path to the right, half way up the hill, just to the
left of the big elm. The old man had known me
as a boy and would have detained me in conversation,
but I pleaded that my time was short, and reluctantly
he let me go my way. Slowly up the hill I walked,
occasionally pausing to place a forget-me-not on the
grave of one I had known in childhood. Even old
Barrows did not escape my passing tribute a
cynical, cross-grained old fellow, the aversion of
the boys, who tormented him and whom he tormented
with reciprocal vigor. No need of a forget-me-not
for Barrows, for he never forgot anything, so I gave
his somewhat neglected grave the token of a long stem
of little lilies, in evidence that the past was forgiven,
and moved on to avoid possible protestation.
I paused under the wide-branching
elm to recover my breath. The assent had been
arduous for a gentleman inclined to portliness and
with wind impaired by tobacco. I turned to the
left, and at that moment, just before me, a woman’s
figure slowly rose from the ground. A creeping
sensation possessed me. My heart bounded and
my pulses thrilled. Was this Sylvia risen from
the dead? Surely it was Sylvia’s graceful
girlish form! This was Sylvia’s oval face,
with Sylvia’s large gray eyes. In such a
way Sylvia’s pretty light hair waved about her
temples, and the pink and white of her delicate complexion
revealed the blue veins. Twenty-five years had
rolled back in an instant, and I was standing in the
presence of the past. Alas, the swift passing
of the illusion, for the conversation of the evening
came to me.
“You are Phyllis?” I said.
“I am Phyllis,” she answered
softly her mother’s voice “and
you are Mr. Stanhope. My aunt told me.”
I did not answer, for I was staring
stupidly at her, reluctant to abandon the pleasing
fancy that my thinking of her had brought her back
from the dead again. She did not speak, but glanced
inquiringly at the flowers I held in my hand.
“I knew your mother, Phyllis,”
I managed to say. “She was a very dear
playmate of my childhood. I have brought these
flowers to put upon her grave. Shall we go together?”
The girl’s eyes filled, and
she pointed to the rising mound at her feet.
Silently we bent over and reverently laid the lilies
and forget-me-nots under the simple headstone.
“May I talk to you of your mother?” I
asked.
We sat down on a rude bench in the
path, and I told her of my childhood, of the days
when Sylvia and I were sweethearts, of our little
quarrels and frolics, of her mother’s beauty
and gentleness. The girl laughed at the recital
of our misadventures, and the tears came into her
eyes when I touched on my boyish affection for my
playmate. Then she told me of her own life, so
peaceful and happy in the little village, and in the
neighboring town, where she had been educated with
all the care and diligence of the New England impulse.
I looked at my watch.
“It is quarter past eleven,”
I said ruefully, “and my train left at ten.”
“There’s another train
at three,” she replied. “You will
go home and dine with us? We dine at twelve in
the country, you know.”
If I was somewhat ashamed to face
Mary Eastmann, she received us with the same stolidity
she had manifested when we first met, and at once
insisted that I should remain for dinner. “Go
into the parlor,” she said abruptly.
Phyllis plucked the sleeve of my coat.
“Don’t go in there,” she whispered;
“that’s Aunt Mary’s room exclusively,
and I’m afraid you’ll not find it very
cheerful. Come out on the porch.”
“I know the room,” I whispered
back, as we went out together. “At least
I know the type. Lots of horse-hair belongings.
Square piano against the wall. Wax flowers under
a glass case on the mantel. Steel engravings
of Washington crossing the Delaware. Family album,
huge Bible, and ‘Famous Women of Two Centuries’
on the centre table. Seashells, blue wedgwood
and German china things mingled in delightful confusion
on the what-not. If not wax flowers, it’s
wax fruit.”
Phyllis laughed how much
her laugh was like her mother’s and
nodded her head. “Not a bad description,”
she assented; “you must have the gift of second
sight.”
“Not second sight. Suppose
we call it the gift of second childhood.”
We sat on the porch and looked down
on the lawn that sloped to the orchard, and watched
the robins run across the grass. And I pointed
out to Phyllis the very tree under which Sylvia and
I had stood the day we had our first memorable quarrel,
confessing that while at the time there was no doubt
in my mind that Sylvia was clearly at fault, I was
now prepared to concede, after plenty of reflection,
that possibly she might have had a reasonable defence.
The recital of this pathetic incident led to other
reminiscences connected with the old house and its
grounds, and I was hardly in the second chapter when
Mary came out and ordered us in to dinner. Mary
never invited, never requested; she merely ordered.
We sat at the table, and at a severe look from Mary
I stopped fumbling with my napkin, while Phyllis sweet
saint! folded her hands and asked the divine
blessing. Pagan philosopher that I was, I was
singularly moved by the simple faith of these two
women, and I think that when I am led back into the
fold of my family creed, a girl as young and fair
and holy as Phyllis will be the angel to guide me.
The dinner was toothsome, the environment
fascinating, the afternoon perfect, and so it came
about quite naturally that I missed the three-o’clock
train. “There is nothing so disagreeable
in life,” I explained apologetically to my friends,
“as a hard and fast schedule, which keeps one
jumping like an electric clock, doing sixty things
every hour and never varying the performance.
Fortunately trains run every day except Sunday, and
the general order of the universe is not going to be
upset because I am not checking myself off like a
section-hand.”
Perhaps Mary did not wholly coincide
with my argument, but she was called away to her sewing-circle,
while Phyllis and I lounged lazily on the porch, I
continuing my reminiscences. Garrulity is not
merely the prerogative of age; the privilege of the
monologue is always that of the old boy who comes back
to his childhood’s home and finds in a pretty
girl a charming and attentive listener. He is
a poor orator, indeed, who cannot improve such opportunities.
At a convenient lull in the flow of discourse we went
off to ride, exploring the country roads I knew so
well, and here began new matter and new reminiscences,
patiently endured by Phyllis, who was a most delightful
girl. And when we returned late in the afternoon
it was directly in the line of circumstances that
I should remain for tea; and after tea Phyllis played
and sang for me in the little parlor, for Phyllis was
a musician of no small merit. When in reply to
my inquiry she sang a simple Scotch ballad her mother
had sung so touchingly many years before, a great
lump rose in my throat, and I sat far over in the
shadow that she and Mary might not see how blurred
were my eyes, and how unmanageable my emotion.
At what age does it come to a man and a philosopher
that he is no longer ashamed of honest, sympathetic
tears?
I shall never know whether it was
the journey in the train, the air and cooking of Meadowvale,
or the visits to the burying-ground, that upset me,
but for the first time in a dozen years I found myself
dissatisfied with my home. I remarked to Malachy
that the roses seemed to be in a most discouraging
condition, and that the garden in general was altogether
disappointing. I noticed that my dogs barked a
great deal, that the neighbors had become most tiresome,
and that Bunsey was an unmitigated nuisance.
Even the cuisine, which had been my pride and boast,
grew at times unbearable, and I had not been home a
fortnight before I astonished Prudence by positively
assuring her that the dinner she had set before me
was not worth any sane man’s serious attention.
Whereupon that excellent woman announced with superb
pride that she “guessed it was about time for
that Rogers woman to give another card-party.”
“Prudence,” I said severely,
for I encourage no flippancy on the part of domestics,
“that remark, while probably hasty and ill-considered,
borders on impertinence. I shall overlook it this
time on account of your faithful services in the past.
But don’t let it happen again. In any event,”
I amended considerately, “don’t let it
drop in my presence.”
Thinking it over I came to the conclusion
that Prudence was right in the general effect of the
suggestion. What I needed was a change of scene.
Long abstention from travel and variety of incident
had made me restless and discontented. I had not
been in Europe for two years. Undoubtedly I was
pining for a lazy tour of the Continent. The
thought decided me. I should book my passage
on the steamer that sailed the Saturday of the following
week.
Strangely enough, at this interesting
moment, I received a letter from the chairman of the
committee on public improvements in the village of
Meadowvale, announcing that it had been resolved to
procure new rooms for the village library, and would
Mr. John Stanhope do his native village the honor
of subscribing a small amount toward this desirable
end. As it is always much easier for an indolent
man to telegraph than to write letters, I replied by
wire that Mr. Stanhope felt himself much honored by
the request. Not entirely satisfied with this
confession, I sent a second telegram an hour later
doubling my subscription. Still my conscience
troubled me.
“I have not done my duty,”
I said to myself. “Here I am, a man of
means, I may say of large wealth, with no special obligations
resting upon me, and yet I have done nothing to benefit
or enrich my old home. It is strange that it
has not occurred to me before what a privilege, what
an honor, it is to be a philanthropist even in a small
way, and with what alacrity those whom Heaven has
blessed with a fortune should respond to the calls
of deserving need. I blush for my past thoughtlessness,
and I shall hasten to atone for my astonishing neglect.
My duty lies before me, and I shall not shrink from
it, whatever the personal inconvenience.”
Thereupon I telegraphed for the third
time to the chairman that it would give Mr. Stanhope
the greatest pleasure to put up a suitable library
for the village of Meadowvale, and, in order to guard
against any possible misunderstanding, he would depart
the following day to confer with the committee as
to site and probable extent of the structure.
This concession to my conscience comforted me greatly,
and I prepared for my journey with a lightness that
was almost buoyancy. The chairman and two of
the committee met me at the junction. They were
most deprecatory and apologetic, and mentioned with
evident sorrow the absence of several of the members
which might cause a postponement of the conference
until the following day. I bore up under this
intelligence with astonishing cheerfulness.
“My good friends,” I said,
“don’t let this disturb you for a minute.
I am not so pressed for time that I cannot wait on
your reasonable convenience. Your tavern is well
kept and the food is wholesome. I think I may
say that my old friends in Meadowvale will interest
me until we can come to an amicable understanding.
Suppose, to be sure of a full meeting, that we fix
the time of conference at day after to-morrow a
little late in the afternoon.”
After this suggestion had been received
with suitable expressions of gratitude, we journeyed
together to the village, where I was duly turned over
to old Pettigrew. And then, as the day was by
no means done, I strolled down the street and, most
naturally and quite unthinkingly, found myself a few
minutes later looking over the Eastmann gate at Phyllis
on the porch. To say that this charming girl
was surprised by my sudden appearance was no less
true than to admit that she did not seem in the least
displeased. I positively had no intention of
going in, but before I knew it I was sitting beside
her, relating in the most casual way the reason of
my coming.
“How good it was of you,”
said the ingenuous creature, “and how delighted
and grateful Meadowvale will be. It must be glorious
to be rich enough to do things for other people.”
Now it is not a disagreeable sensation
to feel that one is rich and good and glorious in
the large gray eyes of a very pretty woman, and I
was conscious of the mild intoxication from the compliment.
“It is, indeed,” I answered magnanimously.
“I have always maintained that money is given
to us in trust for those around us, and that in making
others happy we find our greatest happiness.
I regret that I have not wholly lived up to this undeniably
correct principle.”
“It will require at least a
thousand dollars,” she said naively.
“Oh, at least.”
She was silent a moment. Then
she said: “I was wondering what I would
do if I had a thousand dollars to give away.”
“What do you think you would do?”
“Speaking for my own preferences
I think I should like to establish a country club.”
“The very thing. If there
is one crying want more than another in Meadowvale
it is a country club, with golf links, tennis courts,
and shower baths.”
“Now you are laughing at me.”
“Not at all. Fancy old
Hank and you playing a foursome with Aunt Mary and
me for the cider and apples. Why, it would add
years of robustness to our waning lives.”
“No,” said the girl decisively. “It
isn’t feasible.”
“Then,” I went on musingly,
“we might have an Art Institute, or the Phyllis
Kinglake School of Expression, or the Meadowvale Woman’s
Club, or the Colonial Dames, or, best of all, the
Daughters of the American Revolution.”
“That shows how little you appreciate
the local situation,” she responded quickly,
“for your best of all is worse and worse.
Imagine an order of Daughters in a place where every
woman’s ancestors did nothing but fight in the
Revolution. As well call a town meeting at once.
Ah,” with a sigh “I
see that I shall never spend the thousand dollars
in Meadowvale.”
“Don’t be too sure of
that, my dear Phyllis,” I exclaimed in an outburst,
for I was in a particularly happy and generous mood;
“and remember that when you do decide how the
money is to be philanthropically invested we shall
see that it is forthcoming.”
With such agreeable banter the minutes
slipped away, and when Mary appeared with the customary
invitation to tea, it would have been a jolt to the
harmonious order of things to decline. I cannot
say that I have ever cordially approved the austerity
of the New England tea-table, with its cold bread
and biscuits, its applesauce, its frugal allowance
of sardines, its basket of cake, and its not very
stimulating pot of tea. But such are the compensations
of pleasant society that even these chilly viands
may be forgotten, and I said my “Amen”
to Phyllis’s sweet and modest grace with all
the heartiness of a thankful man. As no gentleman
may, with propriety, run away immediately after he
has accepted hospitality, I lingered in the evening,
and we had more music, which so calmed and rested
me that I wondered at my past nervousness and marvelled
that I had even contemplated a journey across the
water.
How it came about that the next morning
Phyllis and I were strolling over the village, down
by the river and into the pleasant woods, I have forgotten,
but I dare say that we were discussing further developments
of philanthropy, and endeavoring to come to a conclusion
as to the proper disposition of that troublesome thousand
dollars. The girl was so young and joyous, so
pretty, so arch, so fascinating with that little coquettishness
that is not the usual type of the Puritan maiden,
I could not find it in my heart to remember Mary’s
words and “try to instil in her a closer appreciation
of the more serious purposes of life.”
Indeed life is so serious that it is one of the blessed
decrees of Mother Nature that we have that brief allotment
of time when it is too serious to think about, and
youth passes so quickly that it is criminal to rob
it of its golden hour. In such a presence I felt
my own spirits rising, my step becoming springy, my
whole nature less sluggish, and, had I looked in the
mirror, I should have confidently expected to see a
youthful bloom in my cheeks and a return of hair to
primary conditions.
It is due to this interesting young
woman to say that she coyly urged me not to forget
my other friends, since I was to leave so soon, and
it pleased me to fancy that she was not altogether
offended when I spoke somewhat hastily and rather flippantly
of those of my former companions who had lapsed into
tediousness. I reminded her also that as the
happiest memory of my childhood was associated with
her mother, so it was sweet to me to be with her and
live again, in a pleasant dream, the brightness of
the past. Then, for her mother’s sake,
she shyly let me take her hand while I went over again,
not without emotion, the story of my early love.
Dear little Sylvia!
The meeting of the committee was followed
by a general congregation of citizens, and I was invited
to the platform, where I outlined my plans. I
hinted that the library was merely the beginning of
a number of beneficences which I desired to contribute
to Meadowvale’s prosperity, and as I looked down
upon my listeners and caught sight of Phyllis, glancing
up with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes, I was nearly
betrayed into promises of the most preposterous nature.
At the end of my remarks I recall that
I spoke with unusual grace and eloquence the
chairman stood up and gravely thanked me, intimating
that I was a credit to Meadowvale and its perfect
public school system. I fancy I should have been
applauded if it had been compatible with the nature
of the people of Meadowvale to make so riotous a demonstration.
At the close of the meeting it happened, by the purest
accident, that I walked home with Mary and Phyllis,
and when Mary said in her blunt way that I really
had been most generous, Phyllis did not speak, but
she slipped her hand under my arm and gave me an appreciative
little squeeze, which made me regret that I had not
pledged another thousand.
I was to leave the next morning, thanks
to the officious members of the committee, who had
so blunderingly hurried matters to accommodate me
that I had no longer an excuse of remaining. And
it was for this reason that I went in and sat again
in the little parlor, while Phyllis sang for me the
songs that were my favorites, and some her mother
sang in the long ago. Memories were again pleasantly
stirred within me, as was not infrequent in those
days, and I experienced all the happiness that comes
to him who is persuaded that he has made himself a
little above the ordinary attractions of the earth.
In this excess of good feeling, and stimulated alike
by the music and the consciousness of a philanthropic
impulse, I waited until the moment of parting before
declaring definitely my excellent intentions.
“My dear Mary,” I began,
turning to that admirable spinster, “you know
how our childhood was linked by a close family feeling,
and how you and Sylvia and I planned in our simple
ambitions to live together in the great world outside.
We may say now that this was childish romance, and
that the caprice of time has made it an idle fancy.
For many years we have been separated, and only by
a happy chance have we been brought together.
Fortune has been kind to me. I am called a rich
man, and I believe I may say without boasting that
I am far beyond the need of anxiety. But to a
degree I am a lonely man. My sister’s child
is my one near relative in the world, and he is a
young man with an excellent business, able to take
care of himself, and naturally engrossed with his
own occupations. You can understand that at my
time of life, alone as I am, and still young enough
to appreciate the joys of living, I have a feeling
of desolation for which no riches can compensate.
Had fortune given me a daughter, like our Phyllis
here, I think no happiness could have been so great.
It has pleased me to look back upon the past, to recall
the days of our childhood, and to see in Phyllis the
image of her mother. Why can I not link the present
and the future with the past? Why can I not look
on Phyllis as my own daughter, and give to her all
the father love I have learned to feel? I do
not rob you either of her love or her presence.
I merely add a new joy to my life, and know that in
caring for you both and in contributing to her happiness,
and securing her against misfortune after we are taken
away, I am carrying out the pledge, however idle at
the time, I made to Sylvia.”
I fancied I saw what may have been
the suspicion of a tear in Mary Eastmann’s eye.
It vanished as quickly as it came, and when she spoke
and thanked me for my generous offer, her voice was
as calm and her manner as collected as if I had made
a casual suggestion for attendance at a prayer meeting.
She could not deny that the opportunity was too enticing
to be ignored, and she admitted that my fatherly proposition
was distinctly advantageous. Her New England
independence rather revolted at the thought of any
immediate financial assistance, which was not needed,
while her New England thrift approved a future settlement
based on family friendliness of many years’ standing.
On the whole she was inclined to be favorable to my
point of view.
As for Phyllis, she had listened to
me with undisguised amazement. Her big gray eyes
had grown larger, and the color left her cheeks as
I finished. Then the rosy red rushed back, her
lip quivered and the tears sprang to her eyes.
A moment later she smiled, then laughed, and was serious
again. How incomprehensible are these young girls!
Poor child! she had never known a father’s love.
Phyllis followed me to the door.
The light, streaming from the parlor, shone squarely
on her exquisite face. A thrill of pleasure went
through me as I realized that at last I had a daughter
whom I could love and cherish. I took her hand
in both of mine, and, as I released it, I parted the
light, wavy hair, and kissed her forehead. It
seemed to me that she trembled slightly, but in a
moment she was herself, and a gleam of merriment was
in her eyes, as she said:
“Of course you will write to me papa?”
Doubtless the novelty of the situation
made me just a little embarrassed. To be called
“papa” the first time by a pretty girl
was more embarrassing than I had expected. And
why that half-laugh in her eye, and why that almost
quizzical tone? Was I not kind and good enough
to be her father, and had I not tried to show her
every paternal consideration? Was I not honestly
endeavoring to fulfil a sacred pledge? I was perplexed
but not discouraged. “I will prove to her,”
I said to myself with firmness, “that I am entirely
worthy of her filial affection, and that she may lean
confidently upon me.” And I went straightway
to bed, and dreamed of her all night as every true
father should dream of the daughter of his heart and
his hope.
In the very nature of things it was
necessary that I should return frequently to Meadowvale,
to confer with the village committee and make all
proper arrangements for beginning so important a local
enterprise. While this put an end to my projected
trip to Europe I accepted the situation with calmness
and forbearance, satisfied that in the pursuit of duty
and in giving happiness to my fellow creatures I should
have the reward of an approving conscience. To
my nephew, Frederick Grinnell, I gave the task of
preparing the plans, and his excellent suggestions
were cordially adopted. Much of my spare time and
it is amazing how much spare time one has in a village was
spent at the Eastmann cottage with my new daughter,
and in the evening I talked to her of the world outside,
quite, I fancy, as Othello may have spoken to Desdemona,
but with a more conservative and a better impulse.
I unfolded to her the wonders of great London, the
pleasures of Paris, the beauties of Venice, the sacred
mysteries of Rome, the noble traditions of Athens.
I journeyed with her up the Nile and down the Rhine.
One night we were in gay Vienna, another in Berlin,
a third in the grandeur of the Alhambra. From
the fjords of Norway to the tea houses of Japan was
the journey of a few minutes, and the indifference
of my surfeited life gave way before the kindling
enthusiasm of this lovely country girl, whose world
had been the area of scarcely more than a township.
But the paternal relation, however
honest and commendable my intentions, did not seem
to thrive as I had fondly hoped. Only in her
teasing moments would this vivacious creature admit
the solemnity of our compact, and when she called
me “papa” there was always that gleam
of the eye, with that merriment of tone, which may
not have been disrespectful but was certainly not filial.
This troubled me exceedingly. I thought it all
over and one night I said to her:
“My dear Phyllis, it has become
only too evident that you do not entertain that deferential
feeling for me which a daughter should have for a
father. I shall not describe your emotions as
I have analyzed them, but I am satisfied that we shall
not make a complete success of my long cherished plan.
However, I am not prepared to withdraw unreservedly
from my schemes for your comfort and happiness, and
since you cannot look upon me as a father, or treat
me like a father, I have another suggestion to offer.
Let me be your elder brother, and watch over and guard
you as a brother’s duty should direct.
There shall be no diminution of my love, no retraction
of my promises. Perhaps, in the feeling that
I am your brother, you will talk with me with greater
frankness, and feel more closely drawn to me, and we
shall be all the better and the happier for the change.”
Thus speaking I took her pretty hand
and carried it respectfully to my lips, at the same
time patting it affectionately and assuring her of
my brotherly devotion. And this incomprehensible
girl threw back her head and laughed; then burst into
tears, laughed again, flushed to crimson and ran out
of the room. I was grieved beyond measure.
Had I done wrong so quickly and rudely to sever a
connection so holy? Had the filial feeling been
suddenly awakened in her breast? Was I depriving
this poor child of a tender paternal care, for which
she longed, but which maidenly coyness could not immediately
accept?
As a philosopher I have made woman
the subject of much research, and my library bears
witness to the attention I have paid to the written
opinions of the ablest writers and thinkers of all
times, who have had anything to do with this fascinating
theme. I have seen her in all her phases, analyzed
her in all her emotions, and Bunsey has admitted to
me that my theoretical knowledge has been of great
value to him in dealing subtly with his heroines.
And yet, despite my complete equipment in mental construction,
I am constantly surprised by a new development, a
sudden and unaccountable phenomenon of feminine nature,
which undoubtedly escaped the experience and reasoning
of the experts and sages. It is indeed a matter
of pride in woman that while man has studied her for
thousands of years, she continues to exhibit fresh
delights in her infinite variety of moods and to put
forth unexpectedly new and astounding shoots.
I saw Phyllis no more that evening,
save in my dreams, and it was wholly creditable to
the goodness of my motives and the sincerity of my
affection that she abided with me in my slumbering
fancies with no protracted intermissions. The
next day she was as sweet and gracious as ever, but
I thought her tone a little constrained, and when,
as a father or brother should, I ventured to speak
of the tenderness of our family relation, a half-imploring
look came into her beautiful eyes. And when I
casually remarked on the softness of her hair, or the
slenderness of her fingers, her glance was timidly
reproachful. All this gave me great unhappiness,
and I discovered, to my further distress, that in
my attempt to return to the old familiar footing I
was neglecting the committee and losing interest in
the affairs of the library. A certain peevishness
took possession of me; I was no longer myself, and
I lost the gayety and sprightliness which had been
always my distinguishing virtues.
Furthermore I missed the companionship
and solace of my books in this emergency, for I had
no reference library to which I could go in Meadowvale
for aid in establishing the true condition of this
strange girl. I recalled dimly that somewhere
on my shelves was a volume which contained a fairly
analogous case, but while I knew that I possessed
such a book I could not remember the circumstances
or the incidents cited, and this added to my unrest.
Only a student can understand the absolute wretchedness
which overtakes a man when he finds himself miserably
dependent on a distant library. For several days
I gave myself up entirely to my mental depression,
greatly wondering at the perplexing change in my life,
and marvelling that in all my explorations in philosophy
I had not provided for just such a crisis, whatever
it might be. One afternoon as I sat in my room
at the tavern, looking idly out of the window and
across the little river which rippled by, something
seemed to strike me violently in the forehead.
It may have been a telepathic suggestion, it may have
been a return to consciousness; at all events it was
an idea. I leaped from my chair, put on my hat,
and proceeded rather feverishly to the Eastmann cottage.
Phyllis was away for the day; Mary was knitting in
the sitting-room. I watched her in silence for
a moment, and then I said abruptly:
“Mary, I think I should like to marry Phyllis.”
Mary Eastmann was not the type of
woman to lose herself or betray astonishment.
She pushed her spectacles sharply above her eyes,
looked at me sternly, and said in a rasping voice.
“John Stanhope, don’t be an old fool.”
“Whatever I may be, Mary,”
I answered, much nettled by her tone, “I do
not think anybody can properly regard me as a fool.
As for the other qualification,” I went on complacently,
“I am not so old.”
“You and Sylvia were the same
age, and she would have been forty-eight.”
“A man is as old as he feels,”
I ventured, finding refuge in a proverb.
“That is evasive, and has nothing
to do with the question. Beside, what reason
have you to believe that Phyllis has the slightest
desire to marry you?”
“Frankly, not the slightest
reason in the world,” I replied with the utmost
candor. “That is why I have been so bold
as to speak to you on the subject.”
“Perhaps you thought I might
use my influence to help you along?”
“Quite the contrary, my dear
Mary, I assure you. I may not know very much
about women” I was quite humble when
separated from my library “but I
do know that nothing is so fatal to a lover’s
prospects as the encouragement of the loved one’s
relations. You see that I am perfectly frank.”
“Then you wish my opposition?”
“Come, let us be reasonable.
I have told you I wish to marry Phyllis. I know
my good points, and I am not unacquainted with my
weak ones. Unhappily I can figure out my age to
a day. Alas, I am forty-eight, and Phyllis is
not yet twenty-three. The difference is positively
ghastly from a sentimental standpoint, but if I love
her, and she is not hopelessly indifferent to me, I
think that even that difficulty can be bridged.
You know my position, my character, my general reputation.
Neither of us knows what Phyllis really thinks or
what she will say or do in the matter. I do not
ask either for your opposition or your good offices.
I have come to you as an old friend and the girl’s
nearest relative to tell you exactly how I feel and
what I wish to gain. And I ask only that I may
have the same chance to win her affection that you
might grant to a younger man.”
Mary’s voice was gentler when
she spoke again. “John,” she said,
“Phyllis is all I have in the world. It
is my one idea to have her happily married to a worthy
man whom she honestly loves. Providence, in inscrutable
wisdom, may have decreed that you are that man, but,”
she continued with a sudden return of Yankee caution,
“I have my doubts, considering your age.
However, you have acted honorably in coming to me,
and while I think Phyllis would be a better daughter
than wife to you, I cannot speak for her. Remember
that she is very young and very inexperienced.
Her acquaintance with men has been slight. You
are a man of the world and with enough of the surface
polish I don’t say it stops with
that to dazzle any girl accustomed to such
surroundings as we have here. Undoubtedly an
offer from you would flatter her; it might induce
her to accept you, thinking that she loved you.
Be careful. Be sure of your ground before it
is too late.”
As I walked back to the village I
mused on what Mary had said, but I felt no apprehension.
Most lovers are alike in this in youth,
in middle age, in senility. Perhaps the advantage
of middle life is that a man is more the master of
himself, more in possession of the faculties necessary
to carry him through a crisis. Without the impetuous
desire of youth, or the deadened sensibilities of
old age, he has a certain serene confidence that is
a mixture of love and philosophy. It disturbed
me somewhat to find with what equanimity I faced a
situation which promised nothing. It really annoyed
me to note that I was picking out mentally the place
to which I should conduct Phyllis in order to have
the harmonious environment adapted to a sentimental
proposition. I remembered that down by the river,
just beyond the willows, there was an old tree where
Sylvia and I ah, so many years ago! had
sat and talked of our lives before us. To that
sacred spot I would lead Sylvia’s daughter, and,
passing gently from the past to the present, I would
tell her of my love and of my fondest hopes.
How dignified and appropriate such a spot for a frank,
calm, and self-contained avowal!
Thus philosophically and amiably plotting
I walked contentedly along, and, looking up, I saw
Phyllis coming toward me, swinging her hat in her
hand, and suggesting in her girlish beauty and graceful
outline the poet’s shepherdess. She did
not see me, and, yielding to a sudden impulse, I stepped
quickly aside in the shadow of a neighbor’s
house, as she passed on with her eyes on the ground.
I followed at a little distance, and discovered, much
to my dismay, that she chose the road that led to the
burying-ground. Now a cemetery is not at all the
spot that a man, whatever his philosophy, would select
for a tender declaration, but I was buoyed by the
remembrance of Mary’s words. “The
finger of Providence may be in it,” I muttered.
“The Lord’s will be done.”
Slowly up the winding path she walked,
and I as slowly followed. When I reached her,
she was standing at her mother’s grave, just
as she had stood the morning we first met. I tried
to accept this as an omen, but failed miserably, and
omens, after all, depend on the point of view.
She raised her eyes, and, seeing me, blushed, another
omen which means comparatively little to a man who
is aware of the thousand emotions that are responsible
for the blush of woman. I was again annoyed by
the discovery that my pulses were not beating wildly,
and that my heart was not throbbing tumultuously,
and when I addressed a commonplace remark to her I
was thoroughly ashamed and humiliated. It seemed
like taking a mean advantage of innocence and inexperience.
We sat together on the little bench,
and for the first time in our acquaintance she appeared
embarrassed, as if she knew what was passing in my
mind. I have always believed that women, in addition
to their acknowledged intuition, have a special sense
that enables them to anticipate a declaration of passion,
and I had no doubt that Phyllis was fully prepared
for my confession in spite of her embarrassment.
This induced me to proceed to the point without unnecessary
preliminaries.
“Phyllis,” I said, not
without a certain agreeable ardor, “I have been
talking with Aunt Mary.”
“Indeed?”
“And about you.”
“Really?”
“When I say that I have been
talking with Aunt Mary, and about you,” I continued
in a grieved tone, for I do not like jerky responses,
“I wish you to understand that it was in connection
with no ordinary topic. Phyllis,” I
spoke with the utmost tenderness “can
you not guess the nature of our discussion?”
Phyllis was equal to the emergency;
her embarrassment had disappeared. “I am
glad,” she said, “that your conversation
so far as it related to me was out of the ordinary.
I suppose I may ask what the topic was that
is, if you don’t mind telling.”
This was approaching the serious.
“Phyllis, I was telling Aunt Mary that I loved
you and wished to make you my wife.”
A flash, half merry, half angry, came
to her eye. “That was thoughtful of you.
Is it customary for gentlemen in the city, when they
think they love a girl, to honor all her relations
with their confidence before they speak to the girl
herself?”
I took her hand. She made the
slightest motion to withdraw it, and permitted it
to remain in my grasp. “Phyllis,”
I said with all earnestness, “do not misunderstand
me. I sought you at the house. You were
absent. Your Aunt Mary and I have been friends
from childhood, and it was only natural that out of
my heart I spoke the words that were in my mind.
I told her that I loved you, just as at that moment
I might have shouted it from the housetop. My
heart was full of you and I had to speak. Can’t
you understand?”
The girl was still obdurate, and she
spoke with some petulance. “If that is
the case, perhaps it is just as well that it was Aunt
Mary and not one of the neighbors.”
“Dear little Phyllis, you are
not angry with me because I love you? You cannot
remain angry with me because I confessed my love before
I met you to-day? If you had only seen with what
applications of cold water your aunt rewarded my confidence,
you would pity and not reproach me.”
For a minute the girl was silent.
Then she asked softly: “How long have you
known that you loved me?”
“Must I answer that question
candidly and unreservedly?”
“Unreservedly and candidly.”
I seized her other hand and held her
firmly. “About fifty minutes.”
She laughed, rather joyously I thought.
“And having loved me for fully fifty minutes,
you wish to make me your wife? Confiding man!”
“Little girl,” I said
tenderly, “let us be serious. If my dull
consciousness did not awaken till an hour ago, my heart
tells me that I have loved you ever since I first
saw you standing near this spot. I am not going
to ask you now whether you love me, or ever can learn
to love me. It is happiness enough for me to-day
to know how much I love you, and to know that I have
told you of that love. I do not care to have
my dream too rudely and too suddenly dispelled.
Very probably you do not care for me as I should like
to have you care for me, but do not make a jest of
my affection. I am wholly aware of the preposterousness
of my demands in many respects” this
sounded very conventional and commonplace, but every
lover must say it “and, believe me,
I shudder when I think of what I have dared confess.”
Then she said with the most delightful
demureness: “Mr. Stanhope, is it likely
that a girl would sit in a burying-ground on a bench
with a gentleman, allowing him to hold both her hands,
unless she cared for him a little just
a little?”
Up to this moment I had fairly forgotten
that I was depriving her of all power of resistance,
but with such encouragement I took an even more sympathetic
grasp and sat a trifle closer, while the minutes ticked
away. A robin flew down from the tree near by
and saucily hopped toward us, until at a rebuking
call from his mate he flew away, and I fancied that
I could hear them talking over the situation, and
drawing conclusions from their own happiness.
Phyllis was the first to break the charming spell.
“Mr. Stanhope,” she asked,
hardly above a whisper, “what did Aunt Mary
say when you told her that you wished to make me your
wife?”
“She said, Phyllis, that Providence
may have decreed that I am the man to bring you happiness.”
And still in that same enchanting
whisper, with her face a little rosier, as she half
hid it below my shoulder: “Mr. Stanhope,
do you think that a girl with my Christian training
could fly in the face of Providence?”
The philosopher was in love.
It comes, I have no doubt, to every well-ordered man
to be in love once. Some there are who maintain,
with plausibility, that the passion we call love may
be of frequent recurrence, and they point to the passing
fancies of boys and girls, the romances of moonlight,
the repeated sighings of the fickle Corydon, and the
matrimonial entanglements of the aging Lydia, as evidence
for their argument. That there are varying degrees
of the ecstatic emotion cannot be truthfully denied.
Heaven has wisely decreed that the heart, once filled
with its ideal, may be compensated for the bitter hour
of sorrow by the soothing balm of a new affection,
and it is even possible that the second love may be
more satisfying than the first, the third or fourth
more typical of exaltation than its predecessors.
But love, whether early or late, in the perfect absorption
of the faculties comes only once; as compared with
this remarkable mental state all other conditions
are unemotional, unfilling.
The true lover rises early, before
the world is astir. If it is summer and in the
country, his thoughts lead him to the cool groves,
the shady banks of the river, the retired spots where
he may uninterruptedly commune with his happiness
or his misery, and reflect on the blessings that are
to be, or should be, his. Was it not then as
a true lover that in the early morning I walked into
the country, and down the banks of the stream where
Sylvia and I had strayed and talked in the sunny days
of youth? And nature seemed a part of the wedding
procession, and the squirrels on the fence rails,
and the robins, wrens, and wood-thrushes in the trees
chirped and twittered: “John Stanhope is
in love! John Stanhope is in love!” And
the mocking crow, lazily flapping his wings at a safe
distance, croaked enviously: “Ha, ha! old
Stanhope is in love. Ha, ha!” Yet the whole
conspiracy of animated nature could not make old Stanhope
in his present exaltation regretful of his age or
ashamed of his passion.
Mary Eastmann had accepted the situation
without comment. She neither congratulated nor
demurred, but went on with her household duties with
the same method and precision as before. Men
may come and go, hearts may be won and lost, republics
may totter and empires may fall, but the grand scheme
of sweeping, dusting, bed-making, and cooking knows
no interruption. If I did not understand I at
least commended this housewifely prudence, and often
when the domestic battle was at its height I would
spirit away my little charmer for the discussion of
topics within my comprehension. At the outset
I had declared that while it had pleased Providence
to begin our romance in a burying-ground, I did not
propose to sacrifice all tender sentiment to meditations
among the tombs, and I bore her away to the old tree
down by the river, where we sat for hours together
as I unfolded my plans for our future life.
A man who has sat at the feet of the
philosophers from Ovid to Schopenhauer, and has gorged
his intellect with the abstract principles of love,
naturally adapts himself to the professorial capacity,
and I soon saw that Phyllis, while one of the most
lovable, one of the sweetest of girls, was almost wholly
ignorant of the psychology of passion. I could
not expect that a young girl of twenty-two would discourse
glibly of the emotion in its intellectual phase, but
I could not bear the thought that she should enter
lightly into so serious a compact, and without gaining
a reasonable comprehension of its mental analysis.
Hence, as opportunity presented, I enriched her mind
with the beauties of love from the standpoint of philosophers
and thinkers, and showed her the priceless blessings
that must result from a union dictated by careful
provision of reasoning. To these addresses she
listened with sweet patience, and if she did not always
grasp their meaning, she showed much admiration for
my erudition and frequently remarked that she had
no idea that love was so abstruse a science.
It seemed to me, in the serenity of my years and the
calm assurance of my love, that I was a most persistent
wooer, and I was greatly grieved when she broke out
rather petulantly one afternoon:
“I don’t believe you really love me.”
“You don’t believe I love you? And
why?”
She hesitated, half abashed by her
own outburst, then added a little defiantly:
“Well, in the first place, you never quarrel
with me.”
“And why should I quarrel with
you? Aren’t you the most amiable, the most
perfect little woman in the world?”
“Oh, of course; I know all that.
But I have always read, and always believed, that
when two persons are truly, deeply in love, they have
most exciting quarrels. Is it not true that in
all romances the man is eternally quarrelling with
the girl and bidding her farewell forever?”
“Yes, and coming back in ten
minutes to weep and grovel at her feet and beg her
to forgive him. My dear little Phyllis, why should
I bid you farewell forever, when I am morally certain
that in half that time I should be cringing in the
turf, weeping and begging you to say that all is forgiven
and forgotten?”
“That would be lovely,” she said pensively.
“Perhaps, but it would be very
undignified and unnecessary. And I am not at
all sure that you would admire me in that attitude
even if I did imitate the heroes of romance.
A weeping lover is much more agreeable in a novel
than in actual life. However if you insist that
we must quarrel, in order to demonstrate the sincerity
of my affection, I shall suggest that we have our spats
when we part for the night, in order that no precious
waking hours may be lost.”
“You are joking,” she exclaimed with a
little pout.
“Not at all. Still,”
I added reflectively, “even this plan has its
disadvantages, for if we quarrel when we part at night,
it will necessitate my return to your window, which
would not only annoy your aunt but might scandalize
the neighbors. Furthermore it might give me a
shocking cold, unless you immediately repented, for
the nights are very damp. No,” I sighed
with great feeling, “all this seems impracticable.
You must give me a better reason for my coldness.”
Phyllis toyed with a clover blossom,
and made no answer. I went on:
“As a slight indication of my
unlover-like hauteur, let me confess that I am going
to bring you a marvellously glittering bauble when
I come back from the city, something that will bewilder
you by day and dazzle you by night.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Of
course you are; you are always giving me presents.”
I laughed at this. “Well,
suppose I am; I have never heard that it is a sign
of waning affection to bestow gifts on the loved one.”
“You refuse me nothing.
I dare say you would give me the Boston State House
if I wished it.”
“No, you are wrong there,”
I replied decisively. “If I bought the
State House I should be compelled to include the emblematic
codfish, and you know my aversion to codfish.”
She smiled at the thought, recalling
the Sunday breakfast, and then with a roguish look
and a half-embarrassed laugh she said: “At
all events you cannot deny that you did not kiss me
when you left last night.”
“Didn’t I?” I asked
in amazement, and then, quite thrown off my guard,
I added thoughtlessly: “I had forgotten.”
“That,” she replied quietly,
“was because you were so taken up with the philosophy
of love, and the mental attitude, that you overlooked
the physical demonstration. Do you remember the
conversation?”
Unfortunately I did. I recalled
that I had spent an hour or more defining the moral
status of love and proving the sufficing reason.
It was not a pleasant reflection that so agreeable
and instructive a conversation was not thoroughly
appreciated.
“We spoke at length on love,” I ventured
feebly.
“That is, you did,” she
replied. “I’ll admit that it was better
than an ordinary sermon, because the subject was more
personal. But don’t you think we admitted
the sufficing reason at the start, and isn’t
it natural that a girl who has been conventionally
brought up is pretty well satisfied in her own mind
of the moral status? Of course,” she added,
with a toss of her pretty head, “I am not asking
you or anybody else to kiss me. I am merely curious
to know if this plays any part in the philosophy of
love as understood by the greatest thinkers.”
Her speech had given me time to pull
myself together. “No,” I said with
marked emphasis, “I did not kiss you, because
I had noted the unworthy suspicions you have expressed
to-day, and I was hurt and grieved. It was hard
for me to exhibit my displeasure in this way, and
I am regretful now that I have learned that it was
simply playfulness on your part. Don’t
interrupt. I am satisfied that the pure merriment
of your nature is responsible for this assault, and
I shall take great pleasure in making up this evening
for the deficiencies of last night.”
She laughed and we were friends again.
And with such jocular asperities the days passed quickly
and agreeably until my nephew arrived with the plans
and specifications. Frederick Grinnell was not
only my nephew, but an architect of reputation and
promise, considering his years and experience.
Like Phyllis he had been left an orphan early in life,
and it had been my pleasure and privilege to give
him an education and see that he was fairly started
in life. While I think I may say that Frederick
was not quite so attractive as was I at his age, he
was nevertheless a fine, manly young fellow, tall,
well put together, of good habits, industrious and
devoted to his profession. It pleased me to see
that he admired Phyllis’s pretty face and bright,
animated manner; but one evening, when I fancied that
he was too deeply stirred by her really beautiful
voice, I took the opportunity to converse with him
confidentially as we walked back to the tavern.
“I have been intending to tell
you, Frederick,” I began a little airily, “of
the relations existing between Miss Kinglake and myself.
So far it has been a profound secret” I
did not then know that the entire village was gossiping
about it “but I feel that I owe it
to you, as my nearest relative, to admit that Miss
Kinglake and I are engaged.”
I paused, and noting that he did not
wince or appear in the least degree discomposed, continued:
“Of course you will respect
my confidence in this matter. Of course,”
I added magnanimously, “it will be perfectly
proper for you to signify to Miss Kinglake that you
are aware of our little secret as that will put us
all on a better basis and lead to no misunderstandings.
It would be awkward to play at cross purposes, and
I should be extremely sorry, my dear boy, to think
that I had withheld anything from you, for you have
always enjoyed my fullest trust.”
Whatever he may have thought, his
manner betrayed no unusual interest. “I
congratulate you,” he replied very calmly.
Now that so perfect an understanding
existed in the immediate family circle, I gave myself
no further uneasiness. I was truly rejoiced to
notice that Frederick was deferentially polite to
Phyllis, and I encouraged him to show her those polite
attentions which my betrothed would reasonably expect
from my nephew. And at times I even insisted
that he should represent me at certain gatherings
of Phyllis’s friends, who were too young and
frivolous to claim my serious attention. When
he protested, and pleaded headache, business, or other
sign of disinclination, I rallied him good-humoredly
on his lack of gallantry.
“Nonsense, my boy,” I
argued; “a young fellow of your spirit should
be only too glad to go out with a pretty girl and enjoy
himself. You certainly would not deprive Phyllis
of an evening’s pleasure because your uncle
has a stiff knee which interferes with his dancing,
and confound it, you know they never let
me smoke at these frolics. Come now, be a good
fellow and show the proper family impulse.”
As they went off together I looked
at them admiringly and rather fancied that I saw in
them a suggestion of what Sylvia and I had been when
we made the rounds of the birthday parties. For
it is fair to confess that the image of Sylvia did
not infrequently rise before me, and I constantly
saw in Phyllis the replica of her adorable mother.
In my happiest moments I spoke of this suggestion
to Phyllis, and continued to regale her with fragments
of my early life associated with her family. At
first I thought that the girl was somewhat piqued,
fearing that Frederick was thrust upon her, although
she admitted that he was good-looking, polite, and
danced extremely well, but I succeeded in convincing
her that true love should not be gauged by the low
standards of hot-night dancing, and that all philosophers
agree that the purest affection springs from quiet
contemplation, such as I should enjoy while she was
making merry with her friends. To this she once
ventured to remark that in that case perhaps my affection
would thrive to greater advantage if I contented myself
with thinking about her and not seeing her at all,
a suggestion which wounded me in my tenderest sensibilities,
for I was very much in love. I was also not a
little disturbed when, supplemental to my reminiscences,
Mary went back to the past and humorously drew pictures
of me as her own early lover. There is considerable
difference between the impalpable, airy spirit of
the fancy and a wrinkled and austere feminine actuality
of fifty.
In the midst of these innocent and
improving pleasures a small cloud appeared in the
summer sky. I received a letter addressed in
a peculiar but not ornate hand, and I opened it with
misgivings and read it with consternation.
Mr. Stanhope sir:
Prudence and I thinks youd better come home.
The plummer was hear twice yisterday and the cutworms
is awfle. Hero got glass in her foot and the
brown tale moths is bad again wich is al
for the presnt.
Respecfuly
Malachy.
Duty is one of the exactions of life
which I have never shirked when there seemed no possible
way of evading it, but in this instance the call of
duty was compromised by matters of equal urgency,
for nothing can be more important than the successful
administration of the affairs of love. It was
a happy thought that suggested to me a way out of
the difficulty, which was neither more nor less than
that we should all go to the city together. I
sprang the proposition at a family conference.
Phyllis was delighted. “There is always
so much to be seen in the city,” she cried,
“and I shall meet Mr. Bunsey. It has been
one of the dreams of my life to know a real literary
man.”
This appeared to call for an explanation.
Heaven knows I am not jealous of Bunsey, and would
not deprive him of a single distinction that is honestly
his. But a regard for the truth, coupled with
much doubt as to Bunsey’s ability to live up
to such lively expectations, compelled me to resort
to a little gentle correction.
“My dear Phyllis,” I said,
“you must disabuse your mind of that fallacy.
Bunsey is a popular novelist, not a literary man.”
“But isn’t a novelist
a literary man?” she asked in amazement.
“Not necessarily,” I replied
pityingly. “In fact I may say not usually.
Of course we are speaking of popular novelists.
The popularity of the novelist is in proportion to
his lack of literary style. The distinctive popular
charm of Bunsey is that he is not literary at
least, if he is, his critics have not succeeded in
discovering it; he successfully conceals his crime.
If he is popular, it is because he is not literary;
if he were literary he could not be popular.”
“That does not seem right,” said my little
Puritan.
“It is not a question of ethics
at all, but a matter of taste. However, don’t
be prejudiced against Bunsey because he is a product
of the time and fairly representative of the civilization.
You shall meet him and shall learn from him how a
man may succeed in so-called literature without any
hampering literary qualifications.”
Mary did not receive my proposition
in a thankful and conciliatory spirit. She shook
her head doubtfully, and when we were alone together,
she gave voice to her fears.
“Phyllis is country-bred,”
she said, “and knows nothing of the toils and
snares that beset young girls in the city.”
“Toils and snares,” I
echoed. “One might gather from your objections
that we contemplate taking Phyllis to the city merely
to expose her to temptation and corrupt the serenity
of her mind. You seem to forget the elevating
influences of my modest home.”
“No, John; I dare say that your
home is not objectionable, taken by itself. But
I am not blind to the seductions of the great city.
You too forget,” she added, with a touch of complacency,
“that I am not inexperienced or without knowledge
of the profligacy of the town.”
“Granting all this,” I
said, highly diverted by her earnestness, “and
what are some of these seductions you have in mind?”
“Theatres,” she replied
promptly, “theatres and late hours, midnight
suppers and cocktails.”
I laughed uproariously. “My
dear Mary, if these deadly sins and perils alarm you,
we’ll cut them out. I care little for theatres,
and less for midnight suppers. And as for cocktails,
I shall make it my peculiar charge to see that Phyllis
never hears the abominable word. Allowing for
the removal of these temptations, I still think that
a trip to the city would do our country flower a world
of good, though I have nothing but praise for the manner
in which you have brought her up.”
“John,” she answered very
gravely, “I have endeavored to do my duty as
I saw it. I have tried to bring Phyllis up in
the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
The expression carried me back to
my childhood, and I bit my lips. “Of course
you have,” I said. “Wasn’t I
brought up in this same village, in the same way?
Did not my good mother and my blessed, grandmother
inflict nurture and admonition upon me, that I might
grow up as you see me, a true child of the pilgrim
fathers? The nurture, I remember, was a particularly
hard seat in our particularly gloomy old meetinghouse,
and the admonition took up the greater part of the
Sabbath day, with a disenchanting prospect of further
admonition at home if I failed to keep awake.
I do not mean to say that I am not thankful for the
experience. In truth I am doubly thankful thankful
that I had it, and thankful that it is over.”
To this Mary vouchsafed no further
remonstrance than a distrustful shake of the head.
Excellent woman! Is it not to such as you, earnest,
faithful, self-sacrificing, God-fearing, that the
best in young manhood, the purest in young womanhood,
owe the strength of the qualities that are the vital
force of the nation?
In the end the united opposition was
too much for Mary’s arguments, and to town we
went. The pleasure of the journey, on my part,
was somewhat clouded as to the welcome we should receive
from Prudence, and truly it acquired my greatest powers
of dissimulation to feign an easy indifference and
air of authority before that worthy creature, as with
the most studied politeness and formal hospitality
she received us at the gate. Prudence and I had
sparred so many years that we were like two expert
athletes, and while neither apparently noticed the
other, each was perfectly conscious of the adversary’s
slightest movement. Hence I detected at once
her strong aversion to Mary, whom she immediately
selected as a probable mistress, and I saw her several
times vainly try to repress a grimace of disdain and
wrath. It was my first impulse to follow Prudence
into the kitchen, after the ladies had gone to their
rooms, and make a clean breast of the untoward tidings,
but I lacked the moral courage and contented myself
with an inward show of strength. Why should I
pander to this woman’s caprices? Was
I not master in my own house? Should I not do
as I pleased? I would punish her with the severity
of my silence, and perhaps in a week or two, when
she was more tractable, I would condescend to tell
her exactly how matters stood. In this I would
be firm.
But the next morning, before my guests
were out of bed, I decided that I was not acting wisely.
Was not Prudence an old, faithful, and trustworthy
servant? Had she not been loyal to my interests,
and was not her whole life wrapped up in my comfort?
Surely I wronged her to withhold from her the confidence
she had so fairly earned, and the flush of shame came
to my face as I reflected that I was indulging my
first deceit. I took a turn in the garden, in
the heavenly cool of the early morning, to compose
my nerves for a very probable ordeal, and then I walked
boldly into the kitchen where Prudence sat, with a
wooden bowl in her lap, paring apples.
It was one of the unwritten laws of
the cuisine that Prudence was never to be disturbed
when engaged in this delicate operation. She
maintained that it destroyed the symmetry of the peel,
and I dare say she was right. Consequently she
looked at me reproachfully as I entered, and bent
again more assiduously to her work. I was much
flustered by the ill omen, but I knew that if I hesitated
I was lost; so I advanced valorously, though with
accelerated pulse, and said with all the calmness I
could command:
“Prudence, I think it only right
to tell you that I am going to be married.”
One apple rolled from the bowl down
along the floor and under the kitchen stove.
I cannot conceive of any shock, however great, that
would cause Prudence to lose more than one apple.
Partly to conciliate, and partly to conceal my own
trepidation, I made a gallant effort to rescue the
wanderer, and as I poked the hiding-place with my
stick, I heard her say: “Lord, I know’d
it’d come!”
“The fact that it has come,
Prudence,” I answered with a sickly attempt
at gayety, “does not seem to be a reason why
you should call with such vehemence on your Maker.
There does not appear to be any need of Providential
interposition. Things are not so bad as all that.”
I always used my most elegant English
when conversing with Prudence. If she did not
understand it, it flattered her to think that I paid
this tribute to her intelligence.
“Mr. John,” she said,
and there was a suspicious break in her voice, “for
twenty years I have tried to do my duty by you, and
now that I must go ”
“Go?” I interrupted; “who
said you must go? Who spoke about anybody’s
going? You certainly do not expect to turn that
bowl of apples over to me and leave me to get breakfast?”
“No, Mr. John, I shall go on
and do my duty, as I see it, until you have made all
your plans and are comfortable.”
“Now, look here, Prudence, I
am very comfortable as things are, thank you.
And you will pardon me if I say I cannot understand
why you should go at all. I shall continue to
eat, I hope, after I am married, and I think it altogether
probable that I shall require a house-keeper and a
cook. I believe they do have such things in well-regulated
families.”
“At my age, and with my experience,
and considerin’ how we have lived, Mr. John,
I couldn’t get along with a mistress, ’specially,”
she added with a touch of malice, “with a woman
considerable older than me.”
“Older than you? What are
you talking about? Miss Kinglake is young enough
to be your daughter.”
Another apple rolled on the floor.
“Miss Kinglake!” she exclaimed in astonishment,
“that lamb? Good Lord, I thought you were
goin’ to marry the other one!”
“Prudence,” I said rather
hotly, for I did not relish her amazement, “you
will oblige me by not speaking of these ladies as
the ‘lamb’ and ‘the other one.’
I might gather from your remarks that I am a sort
of ravening wolf, instead of a well-meaning gentleman
who is merely exercising the privilege of selecting
a wife. But,” I said, checking myself,
for I was ashamed of my explosion, “I shall
be magnanimous enough to believe that you are delighted
with my choice, and that I have your congratulations.
You will be glad to know that Miss Kinglake and I are
perfectly satisfied with each other, and that we are
both entirely satisfied with you. And now that
we understand the situation, I think I may presume
that we shall have breakfast at the usual hour this
morning, and to-morrow morning, and for many mornings
to come. And, by the way, Prudence, while I have
honored you with my confidence, permit me to impress
it upon you that this revelation is not village gossip
as yet, and you will put me under further obligations
by not mentioning the circumstance. Good-morning,
Prudence. Kindly call the ladies at eight o’clock.”
And thereupon I hastily departed,
leaving the good woman in a state of stupefaction,
since, for the first and only time in our long and
controversial association, had I retired with the last
word. Taking a second turn in the garden I encountered
Malachy, and my conscience reproached me. “Am
I doing right,” I asked myself, “in withholding
the glad news from this faithful servant who has shown
himself so worthy of my confidence? Is it not
my duty to tell him not so much to interest
him in his future mistress as to demonstrate the trust
I repose in him?”
Malachy received my confidence with
less excitement than I had expected. In fact
I was slightly humiliated by his seeming lack of gratitude.
He touched his hat very respectfully, and observed
irrelevantly that the roses below the arbor were looking
uncommonly well. This was a poor reward for my
attempt at consideration, and further convinced me
of the uselessness of establishing anything like intimate
relations with the proletariat.
“By the way, Malachy,”
I said in parting, “you will keep this matter
a profound secret. Miss Kinglake and I are desirous
that we shall not be annoyed by village chatter and
premature congratulations.”
Having discharged my duty to my good
servants, I felt that my obligations, so far as the
relation with Phyllis was concerned, were at an end,
and the morning wore away without further misgivings
of disloyalty. In the afternoon Bunsey came over
for his daily smoke, and as we sat together in the
library, and I noticed the entire absence of suspicion
in his manner, my heart smote me. “Truly,”
I reasoned silently, “I am behaving ill to an
old friend who has never withheld from me the very
secrets of his soul. Should I not be as generous,
as outspoken, with him as he has always proved to
me? Should I not confide to him this one precious
secret, at the same time swearing him to preserve it
as he would his life?”
I blew out a ring of smoke, and then
I began with the utmost seriousness: “Bunsey,
how do you like the ladies?”
He shifted his position, tipped the
ashes from his cigar, and replied tranquilly:
“Oh, I dare say I shall in time.”
The answer vexed me. Bunsey was
a bachelor, and should have been therefore the more
impressionable. I forgot for the moment, in my
annoyance, that he was a novelist, and had been so
diligently creating lovely and impossible women to
order that he was not easily moved by the realities
of humanity.
“At all events,” I replied
with delicate irony, “I am glad that the future
is hopeful for the ladies. My reason for asking
the question was simply to lead the way to a confidence
I intend to repose in you. To proceed expeditiously
to the end of a long story, I intend to marry one
of them.”
Bunsey’s tranquillity was unshaken. “Which
one?”
“Which one?” I echoed with heat, “why,
Miss Kinglake, of course.”
“Does she intend to marry you?”
“Naturally.”
“Or unnaturally?”
“Confound your impertinence!”
I roared, “what do you mean by that?”
“No impertinence, at all, my
dear fellow. In fact it is most pertinent.
Miss Kinglake is a girl, and you well, you
voted for Grant.”
“Which is your gentle way of saying that I am
too old.”
“No, not too old; just old enough to
know better.”
“We are never too old to love,”
I said, conscious that I was uttering a melancholy
platitude.
“Too old to love? Heaven
forbid! But we may be too old to marry at
least to marry anybody worth while. Come, Stanhope,
tell me: do you really love this young woman?”
“Love her? Here I have
been telling you that I intend to marry a charming
girl, and you turn about and ask me if I love her.
Of course I love her. I have been loving her
in one way and another for years.”
“What do you mean by that?
I thought you only met her a few weeks ago.”
I smiled pityingly. “So
I did, but for years she has been my affinity.
Incidentally I don’t mind saying I began by loving
her mother.”
Bunsey sat up straight. “Oh,
you loved her mother. Was her mother pretty?”
“She was as you see Phyllis.
In fact I think she was, if anything, a trifle prettier.
We were playmates and schoolmates, and in the nature
of things, if I had not wandered off to the city,
I presume we should have married. Dear little
Sylvia,” I went on musingly, “I can see
her at this moment, looking down from heaven and smiling
on my union with her daughter. For if ever a
match was made in heaven this was. Confound it!
what are you doing now?”
While I was talking Bunsey had reached
over, taken a sheet of paper and was busily writing.
He looked up carelessly.
“Your story interests me, and
is such good material that I thought I would make
a few notes. Young boy loves young girl goes
to city forgets her young girl
marries has charming daughter dies years
pass venerable gentleman returns sees
daughter great emotion on part of v. g. thinks
he loves her proposes accepted mar no,
there I think I must stop for the present.”
“Oh, don’t stop there,
I beg,” I said sarcastically; “if you are
thinking of using these materials for one of your popular
novels, be sure to throw in a few duels, several heartrending
catastrophes, and other incidents of what you call
‘action,’ appropriately expressed in bad
English.”
Bunsey was imperturbable. “Thank
you for your appreciative estimate of my literary
style,” he replied coolly; “but really,
my consideration for my old friend deprives me of the
pleasure of robbing his diary.”
I was still out of temper. “Bunsey,
I don’t mind favoring you with a further confidence.
You’re an ass!”
With this parting shot I strode out
of the library, when, remembering the sacredness of
my revelation, I turned back.
“Of course you will understand,
Bunsey, that however flippantly you may choose to
regard what I have said to you, you will have the
decency to keep the subject-matter to yourself.
I do not ask your congratulations or your approval,
but I demand your secrecy.”
“The ass brays acknowledgments,”
answered Bunsey meekly, helping himself to another
cigar. “You may rely on my loyal and devoted
interest. The fact that I have heard your secret
twice before to-day shall not open my lips or cause
me to violate your trust.”
Notwithstanding my attitude of indifference
I was greatly troubled by Bunsey’s unfeeling
suggestion. Could it be possible that I had mistaken
my own heart? Was I, yielding, as I had believed,
to the first strong passion of my life, only deluding
myself with a remembrance of my vanished youth?
I dismissed the thought impatiently. For, after
all, was not Bunsey a hopeless cynic, a fellow without
a single emotion of the ennobling sentiment of man
toward woman, a sordid story-teller, who created characters
for money, wrecked homes, committed literary murders,
played unfeelingly on the tenderest sensibilities,
and boasted openly that the only angels were those
made by a stroke of the pen and retailed at department
store book-counters? And while thus reasoning
Phyllis came to me, so winsome in her girlish beauty,
so radiant in the happiness I had infused into her
life, so joyous in the pleasures of the present, that
I laughed at my own doubts, reproached myself for
my own unworthy suspicions, and straightway forgot
both Bunsey and his evil promptings.
Love at eight and forty is a very
pleasant and indolent emotion, marking the most delightful
stage in the progress of the great human passion.
At twenty-five we talk it; at thirty-five we act it;
at forty-five it is pleasant to sit down and think
about it. The very young man loves without really
analyzing. Ten years later he analyzes without
really loving. In another decade he has compounded
the proportions of love and analysis, and becomes,
under favoring conditions, the most dangerous and hence
the most acceptable of suitors. The man in middle
life takes his adored one tolerantly, and keeps his
reservations to himself. In the ordinary course
of events he has acquired a certain knowledge of feminine
character, he knows the rocks and the shoals of love,
and, skillful pilot that he is, he avoids them.
He is sure of his course, master of his equipment.
If he errs at all but I anticipate.
Those were very joyous days, notwithstanding
the applications of cold water so liberally bestowed
by my confidential advisers. And eagerly and
successfully I exerted myself to convince the doubting
ones in general, and Bunsey in particular, how absurd
were their suspicions, and how apparent it was that
Phyllis and I had been purposely created for each
other. Mary threw herself into our pleasures
as heartily and joyously as her New England nature
would permit, which was never a very riotous demonstration,
and Phyllis, with the effervescence and enthusiasm
of girlhood, eagerly assented to every proposition
that had its pleasure-seeking side; while I, as a
thoughtful lover should, busied myself in schemes
for summer dissipation, thankful that it was in my
power to prove so devoted a knight, and inwardly rejoicing
at my triumph over those who had taxed me with such
unworthy thoughts. Even Frederick good
fellow that he was allowed himself unusual
days of vacation to partake of our merriment, and
it pleased me greatly to see that when business cares
or physical disinclination kept me off the programme,
he no longer allowed his indifference to interfere
with his duty as my nephew and personal representative.
Such, I take it, is the obligation of all young men
similarly placed.
For, before many weeks had passed,
I discovered that it was not wise to allow the fleeting
dissipations of the moment, however alluring, to monopolize
time which should be given to the serious affairs
of life. I found that a cramped position in a
boat in the hot sun brought on nervous headaches,
and that too much time in the garden when the dew
was falling was conducive to lumbago. Furthermore
I had been invited by a neighboring university to
deliver my celebrated lecture on the protagonism of
Plato, and several new and excellent thoughts had
come to me which required careful and elaborate development.
I explained these matters conscientiously and fully
to Phyllis, and while she offered no unreasonable
protest, her pretty face clouded, and she did me the
honor to say that half the enjoyment was removed by
my absence. Once she even went so far as to declare
that Plato was a “horrid man,” and that
she believed I thought more of him than of her a
most ridiculous conclusion but so essentially feminine
that I forgave her at once. And, when she came
to me, and put her arms around my neck and urged me
to go with her to a tennis match a foolish
game where grown-up people knock little balls over
a net with a battledore I pointed out to
her that such spectacles, while eminently proper for
young folk, argued a failing mind in those of maturer
years. With a charming pout she said:
“Do you think you would have
refused to go if my mother had asked you?”
Now tennis is a sport that has come
up since Sylvia and I were children together, but
I recalled, with a guilty blush, the time when she
and I won the village championship in doubles in an
all day siege of croquet, so what could I say in my
own defence? Therefore I went with Phyllis to
the tennis-court and sat for two long and inexpressibly
dreary hours watching the senseless and stupid proceedings.
It was pleasant to reflect that I was with Sylvia’s
daughter, and I tried to imagine that the keen interest
of youth still remained, but I was sadly out of place.
I am satisfied that this game of tennis has nothing
of the fascinating quality of croquet. On our
arrival home Phyllis kissed me, and thanked me for
what she called my “self-denial,” but after
that one experience Frederick represented me at the
tennis-court, as, indeed, the good-natured boy consented
to do at many similar festivities.
And so the summer wore gradually away,
one day’s enjoyment lazily following another’s,
with nothing to disturb the serenity of my life, or
to interfere with the calm content into which I had
settled. Phyllis was everything that a moderate
and reasonable lover could wish kind, gentle,
affectionate within the bounds of maidenly discretion,
attentive to my wishes, and considerate of my caprices.
The more I saw of her the more I was persuaded that
I had chosen wisely and well. One afternoon Frederick,
at my suggestion, had gallantly given up his work
in the office and taken Phyllis down the river.
I sat with Bunsey in the library, and took occasion
to expound to him the philosophy of perfect love.
“The trouble is,” I said,
“that people rush blindly into matrimony.
They think they are in love, work themselves up to
the proper pitch of madness, propose and marry while
they are in delirium. Hence, so much of the wretchedness
and misery that we see in the homes of our friends.
For my part I am committed to the doctrine of affinities.
It is true that I, like many others, was guilty of
the usual folly in my youth, and perhaps that gave
me the wisdom to wait for my second venture until precisely
the fight party came along. Matrimony, Bunsey,
is an exact science. If we regulate our passion,
control all silly emotion, study feminine nature as
critically and methodically as we investigate a mathematical
problem, and commit ourselves only when the affinity
presents herself, we shall make no mistakes. For,
after all, what is an affinity? Nothing more
than a human being sent by Providence as perfectly
adapted to the wheels and curves of your nature.”
“A very pretty theory,”
retorted Bunsey, grimly; “and, by the way, when
do you think of rushing into matrimony?”
“Really,” I said, somewhat
confused, “to be entirely honest with you, I
have not settled on any particular day. You see
Phyllis should have her fling. She is very young.”
“True, but you are not.”
As Bunsey said this he rose and tossed
his cigar out of the window. “Stanhope,”
he went on, “we are old friends, and I don’t
wish to be continually seeming to interfere with your
business, but if I were a man with fifty years leering
hideously at me, and engaged to a pretty girl of two
and twenty, I’d make quick work of it before
Providence came along with a younger affinity in a
Panama hat, negligee shirt, and duck trousers.”
I stared at him with a sort of helpless
amazement. “Exactly what do you mean?”
I asked.
“Well,” he answered, shrugging
his shoulders, “at the risk of being kicked
out of the house, let me say that I think such an
affinity has already presented himself.”
“Indeed, and who may that be?”
“Suppose we say Frederick.”
“My nephew?”
“Exactly; your nephew.
He is an uncommonly good-looking fellow, and, thanks
to his uncle’s childlike belief in Providence
and the doctrine of affinities, he has most unusual
opportunities to test that doctrine for himself.
I dare say that he is making a formal study of the
situation at this very moment, and inviting Providence
to appear on the scene as his sponsor.”
What more was said at this interview,
if, indeed, it did not terminate with this brutal
statement, I cannot recall, for Bunsey, usually so
flippant and cynical, spoke with an earnestness that
stunned me. My knowledge of the philosophy of
love told me that he was wrong; my observation of the
actualities of life made me fear that he might be
right. Theoretically, I could not have been mistaken
in my course; practically, I began to see weak spots
in the chain of evidence. Swiftly, I ran over
the events of the spring and summer, and as little
spots no bigger than a man’s hand magnified
themselves into black clouds, Bunsey, sitting opposite,
seemed to grow larger and larger, and his smile more
malicious and demon-like. Possibly, had I been
a younger and more impetuous man, I should have flown
into a passion, taken Bunsey at his word, and kicked
him out of the house; but the philosophy of the thing
engrossed me, filled me with half fear, half curiosity,
and engaged all my mental faculties. Had I been
mistaken? Could I be deceived in the daughter
of Sylvia?
However strong my suspicions may have
been, they were not increased when, with the evening,
Phyllis and Frederick came home from their excursion.
Never was Phyllis more unreserved, more cordial, more
joyous, more attentive to the little wants, which
I, in a mean and shameful test, imposed on her.
She could not be acting a part, this New England girl,
with her alert conscience, her Puritan impulse and
training, her aversion to everything that savored
of deceit. And Frederick was as much at his ease
as if I knew nothing, as if I had not heard of his
duplicity, as if the whole house and grounds were
not ringing with accusations of his unworthiness.
Such are the phenomena of the philosophy of middle
life, I insisted that he should remain for the evening,
and, after dinner, with that contrariness accountable
only in a true student of psychology, I made a trifling
excuse and walked down to the square, leaving them
together.
The curfew was ringing as, returning,
I entered the lower gate at the end of the garden,
and passed slowly along by the arbor. It may
have been Providence, it may have been chance, it certainly
was not philosophy that directed my steps to the far
side of the syringa hedge which shut me off from the
view of those who might come down to the rustic seat
at the foot of the cherry tree. At least I had
no intention of playing the spy, and when I heard
Frederick’s voice, and knew instinctively that
Phyllis was with him, I quickened my pace that I might
not be a sharer of their secrets. But an irresistible
impulse made me pause when I heard the foolish fellow
say:
“After to-night I shall not
come again. It is better for us to break now
than to wait until it is too late.”
Her reply I could not hear. Presently
he said, and a little brokenly:
“I have fought it all out.
It has been hard, so hard, but I must meet it as it
comes.”
Then I heard Phyllis’s voice: “It
is for the best.”
“I believe that you care for
me. I know how much I care for you, and how much
this effort is costing me. We were too late.
No other course in honor presents itself. God
knows how eagerly and hopelessly I have sought a way
out of this tangle of duty.”
Again I heard Phyllis’s voice,
sunk almost to a whisper: “I have given
my word; it is for the best.”
“The governor has been so good
to me,” Frederick exclaimed resentfully, “that
I feel like a criminal even at this moment when I
am making for him the sacrifice of a life. He
has been my father, my protector. What I am I
owe to him, and I must meet him like a grateful and
honest man. You would not have it otherwise?”
And for the third time Phyllis answered:
“It is for the best.”
Had I been of that remarkable stuff
of which your true hero is made, of which Bunsey’s
heroes are made, and had I come up to the very reasonable
expectations of the followers of literary romance,
I should have burst through the syringa with passion
in my face and rage in my heart and precipitated a
tragedy. Or, on the other side, I should have
taken those ridiculous children by the hand, and ended
their suffering with my blessing then and there.
But as I am only of very common clay, with little liking
for heroics, I did what any selfish and unappreciative
man would have done, and stole quietly away.
I even felt a sort of fierce joy in the knowledge
of the security of my position, a mean exultation
in the thought that Phyllis was bound to me, and that
those from whom I might reasonably fear the most, acknowledged
the hopelessness of their case. Most strangely
there came to me no resentment with the knowledge
that I had been supplanted by my nephew in the affections
of the girl; the fact that she loved another surprised
rather than agitated me. My argument was upset,
my doctrine of affinities had been seriously damaged
in my individual case, and here was I, who should
have been yielding to the pangs of disappointment,
or raging with wounded pride, reflecting with considerable
calmness on the reverses of a philosopher.
I went into the library and lighted
a cigar. I threw myself into an easy-chair, and
as I looked up I saw a spider-web in a corner of the
ceiling. “I must speak to Prudence about
that in the morning,” I said to myself with
annoyance. Then for the first time it came to
me that I was out of temper, for I am customarily
tranquil and not easily upset. My mind wandered
rapidly from one thing to another, and oddly enough
I caught myself humming a little tune which had no
sort of relevancy to the events of the day. I
tried to dismiss the incident of the garden as the
temporary folly of a romantic girl, which would wear
itself out with a week’s absence. Why should
it trouble me? Had I been lacking in kindness
or affection? Should I be disturbed because a
few boat rides and the influence of moonlight had wrought
on a mere child? Was I not secure in her promise,
and had I not heard her say she had given her word?
As for Frederick, was he not my debtor? Had he
not confessed it? Then why give more thought to
the matter? It was awkward, but both were young
and both would outlive it. Sylvia and I were
young, and we outlived it.
But still kept ringing in my ears
that despairing half-whisper: “It is for
the best.”
Petulantly I threw away my cigar and
went up to my room. I walked over to the dressing-case
and turned up the gas. The shadow displeased
me and I lighted the opposite jet. Then I stood
squarely before the mirror and looked critically at
the reflection.
Yes, John Stanhope, you are growing
old. That expanding forehead, with the retreating
hairs, tells the tale of time. The gray upon
your cheeks is whitening and the razor must be used
more vigilantly to further deception. Those creases
in your face can no longer be dismissed as character
lines; the shagginess of your eyebrows has the flying
years to account for it. Plainly, John, you and
humbug must part company. You are not of this
generation and it is not for you.
I turned down the gas, threw open
the window and let the moonlight filter in through
the elms and over the tops of the little pines.
The soft beauty of the night soothed me, and gradually
and very gently my irritation and annoyance slipped
away. Why should not a young girl, radiant in
youth and beauty, affect a young man of her generation?
What has an old fellow, with all his money and worldly
experience and burnt-out youth, to give in exchange
for that intoxication which every girl may properly
regard her lawful gift? Undoubtedly I should make
a better husband, as husbands go, than my romantic
nephew, and any woman of rare common sense would see
the advantages of my position, but why burden a woman
with that rare common sense which robs her of the
first and sweetest of her dreams? No, John Stanhope,
go back to your pipe and your books and your gardening,
your life of selfish, indolent do-nothing. Take
life as it comes most easily and naturally. By
sparing one heart you may save two.
And that nephew of mine what
a fine, manly fellow he proved himself when put to
the test! The governor had been good to him and
he was going to stand by the governor. How my
heart jumped, and what a warm little feeling there
was about the internal cockles as I recalled his words.
Bravely said, my boy, and nobly done! I fear
I should not have been so generous at your age, and
with Sylvia
And with Sylvia! How the past
crowded back at the thought of her! Who are you,
old dreamer, who neglected the gift the good gods
provided in the heydey of your youth to return to chase
the phantom of the past? Behind that little white
cloud, sailing far into the north, Sylvia may be peeping
at you, and smiling at the delusion of her ancient
wooer. Or why not think that she is pleading
with you pleading for her child and the
lover, as she might have pleaded for herself and somebody
else, had somebody else known his own heart before
it was too late?
I watched the white cloud as it passed
on and on, growing smaller and fainter as it receded.
I settled back still deeper in my chair and sighed.
And then O unworthy knight of love! and
then, I fell asleep.
In the morning, before the family
was astir, I wrote a note, pleading a sudden and imperative
call to town, and vanished for the day. I argued
with myself that such a step was a delicate consideration
for a young woman, who, having listened to a confession
of love a few hours before, would be hardly at her
ease at a breakfast-table conversation. Incidentally
I was not altogether sure of myself, although I was
much refreshed by an excellent night’s sleep
which comes to every philosopher with courage and
strength to rise above the unpleasant things of life.
If Phyllis had yielded to an emotion of grief, there
was little trace of it when we met at evening.
I fancied that she was somewhat paler, and her manner
at times seemed a little listless, but otherwise there
was no great departure from her usual demeanor.
As for myself the long sunshine of a summer day and
the conviction that at last the opportunity had come
to me to play the rôle of a minor hero gave me a peace
that amounted almost to buoyancy. No need had
I of the teachings of the musty old philosophers reposing
on my bookshelves. John Stanhope had learned
more of life in a few short hours than all his tomes
could impart. His books had helped him many times
in diagnosing the cases of his friends; when John
fell ill they mocked and deceived him.
Opportunely enough Phyllis followed
me into the library, and when at my request she sat
on a little stool at my feet, and I held her hand
and stroked her soft light hair, a pang went through
my heart, for I felt that she might be near me for
the last time. The philosopher had yet much to
learn. For several minutes we were both silent.
Of the two I was doubtless the more ill at ease, though
I concealed it bravely.
“Phyllis,” I said at last,
“did you ever get over a childish fondness for
fairy-stories?”
She smiled at this was
I wrong in fancying that her smile was that of sadness? and
answered: “I hope not.”
“Because,” I went on,
bending over and affectionately patting the hand I
held, “a little fairy-tale has been running through
my head all day, and I have decided that you shall
be the first to hear it and pass on its merits.
And because,” I added gayly, “if it has
your approval I may wish to publish it. Shall
I begin?”
She nodded her head I could
swear now to the weariness the poor child was so staunchly
fighting and looked off toward the sunset.
“Once upon a time you
see that I am conventional there lived a
beautiful young princess, on whom a wicked old troll
had cast an evil eye. Now this wicked troll was
not so hideous as the trolls we see in our fairy-books I
must say that but he was so wicked that
even this deficiency could not excuse him. The
princess was as young and innocent I was
going to say as simple as she was beautiful,
and the wicked troll talked so much of his experience
in the world, and boasted so hugely of his wealth and
generosity and other shining virtues, that the imagination
of the poor little princess was quite fired, and she
was flattered into thinking that here was a treasure
not to be lightly put aside. And so, in a foolish
moment she consented to be his bride, and he took
her away to his castle I believe trolls
do have castles to make ready for the marriage.
While the preparations were going on, and the wicked
old troll was laughing with glee to think how he had
deluded a princess, a handsome young prince appeared
on the scene, and what so natural as that the princess
should immediately contrast him with the troll.
And it came about, also quite naturally, that before
the prince and the princess knew that anything was
happening, they fell so violently in love with each
other that the birds, and the bees, and the flowers
in the garden, and the squirrels in the trees sang
and hummed and gossiped and chattered about it.”
Here I paused. Phyllis did not
look up, but I felt a shiver run through her body
as I stroked her hair and put my arm around her shoulder
to caress away her fear.
“But it happened that although
the princess was so much in love that at times she
must have forgotten even the existence of the old
troll, she was still possessed of that most inconvenient
and annoying internal arrangement which we call the
New England conscience, and one night, when the prince
had declared his love with more ardor than usual,
she remembered the past, how she had promised to marry
the troll, and how she must keep her word, as all
good princesses do. And the prince, who was a
very upright young man, most foolishly listened to
her, and agreed to give her up. Whereupon these
poor children, having resolved that it was for the
best ”
Phyllis looked up quickly. Her
face was white, and a look, half of fear, half of
reproach, came to her eyes. She sank down and
hid her face in her hands. Both my arms were around
her and I even laughed.
“Dear little princess,”
I whispered, “don’t give way yet.
The best is still to come. For you must remember
that this is a fairy-tale and all fairy-tales have
a good ending. And, to make a long story short,
this wicked old troll was not a troll at all, but
a fairy-godmother, who had taken the form for good
purposes. I would have said fairy-godfather,
but I have never come across a fairy-godfather in
all my reading, and I must be truthful. Well,
the fairy-godmother came along right in the nick of
time and, of course, you know who married
and lived happily ever after?”
The convulsive movement of the poor
child’s body told me she was weeping. And
I, being a philosopher, and more or less hard-hearted,
as all philosophers are, let her weep on. Presently
she said in a voice hardly audible:
“I gave you my promise and I
meant to keep it. I am trying so hard to keep
it.”
“Of course you are, little girl,
but why try? A bad promise is far better broken
than kept, and, come to think of it, I am not at all
sure that I am anxious to have you keep it. How
do you know that I am not making a desperate effort
to secure my own release?”
She raised her head quite unexpectedly
and caught me with the tears in my eyes. My eyes
always were weak. “Why, you are crying!”
she said.
“Of course I’m crying.
I always cry when I am particularly well pleased.
It is a family peculiarity. You should see me
at the theatre. At a farce comedy I am a depressing
sight, and that is the reason I always avoid the front
seats.”
Then realizing that I might be carrying
my gayety too far, I went on more soberly:
“Can’t you see, Phyllis,
that the old fool’s romance must come to an
end? Don’t you understand that had I the
selfish wish to hold you to a thoughtless promise,
our adventure would terminate only in misery to us
both? Perhaps you and I have been the last to
see it, I, because I was thinking too much of myself,
you, because you were carried away by an exalted sense
of duty. Thank heaven it is clear to us both
now. For it is clear, isn’t it, dear?”
The foolish girl did not reply, but
she kissed my hand, and it is astonishing how that
little act of affection touched and strengthened me.
“So we are going to make a new
start and begin right. To-morrow I shall see
Frederick and make a proposition to him, and if that
rascal does not give up his heroics and come down to
his plain duty as I see it well, so much
the worse for him. No, don’t raise objections” she
had started to speak “for I am always
quarrelsome when I cannot have my own way. Go
to your room and think it over, and remember,”
I said more gently, for that old tide of the past
was coming in, “that you are Sylvia’s daughter,
and that Sylvia would have trusted me and counselled
you to obey me in all things.”
Slowly and with averted face Phyllis
rose and walked toward the door. I had commanded
her, and yet I felt a sharp pang of bitterness that
she had yielded so quickly to my words. It seemed
at the moment that everything was passing out of my
life; that Phyllis, that Sylvia, that all the once
sweet, continuous memory was lost to me forever.
I could not call her back, and I could not hope that
she would return. Philosopher that I was I could
not explain the sinking and the fear that took possession
of me. The philosopher did not know himself.
All his thought and all his reasoning could not solve
the simple riddle the quick intuition of a girl made
clear.
She had reached the door before she
paused. Then she turned. I had risen mechanically
and stood looking at her. As slowly she came
back and waited as if for me to speak. And when
the dull philosopher groped helplessly for words and
could not meet the appealing eyes, she put her hands
on his shoulders, and laid her warm, young face on
his heart, and said, “Father!”
The night was peacefully beautiful.
I had strolled out of the garden and down to the river,
and there along the bridle-path on the winding bank
I walked for miles. Absorbed in my own thoughts
I gave no heed to my little dog, Hero, trotting at
my side and looking anxiously up at me with her large
brown eyes, as if saying in her dog fashion:
“Don’t worry, old man; I’m here!”
A strange, inexplicable happiness had fallen to him
who thought he knew all others, and did not know even
himself. I crossed the river to return on the
opposite shore, and all the way back, through the
arching trees, the shadows danced in the moonlight
and the crickets chirped merrily. Life seemed
so contrary, so bewildering, for I thought of the
wedding music in those early mornings at my boyhood
home, and I wondered at the optimism of Nature in
attuning all emotions to a joyous note.
Again in my garden I saw a half-light
in Phyllis’s room. Coming nearer I saw
that she was standing at the window, with the same
cloud on her face that had betrayed the battle with
her conscience. At sight of her all the joyous
emotion of my new tenderness overwhelmed me and I
cried out cheerily:
“Good-night, Phyllis!”
Something in my voice sent a smile
to her eyes and gladness to her heart, as, half leaning
from the window, she kissed her hand to me and called
back softly: “Good-night, father dear!”
The south wind came, bringing the
scent of the rose and the honeysuckle, and stirring
the drowsy branches of the elms. The river rippled
merrily in the moonlight, hurrying to bear the tidings
of happiness to the greater waters, and off in the
distance the blue hills lifted their heads above the
haze. Toward the north scudded the friendly little
white cloud, and it seemed again a soothing fancy
that Sylvia
O sweet and pleasant world!