May no ill dreams disturb my rest,
Nor Powers of Darkness me molest.
Evening Hymn.
One of the few advantages that India
has over England is a great Knowability. After
five years’ service a man is directly or indirectly
acquainted with the two or three hundred Civilians
in his Province, all the Messes of ten or twelve Regiments
and Batteries, and some fifteen hundred other people
of the non-official caste. In ten years his knowledge
should be doubled, and at the end of twenty he knows,
or knows something about, every Englishman in the
Empire, and may travel anywhere and everywhere without
paying hotel-bills.
Globe-trotters who expect entertainment
as a right, have, even within my memory, blunted this
open-heartedness, but none the less to-day, if you
belong to the Inner Circle and are neither a Bear nor
a Black Sheep, all houses are open to you, and our
small world is very, very kind and helpful.
Rickett of Kamartha stayed with Polder
of Kumaon some fifteen years ago. He meant to
stay two nights, but was knocked down by rheumatic
fever, and for six weeks disorganized Polder’s
establishment, stopped Polder’s work, and nearly
died in Polder’s bedroom. Polder behaves
as though he had been placed under eternal obligation
by Rickett, and yearly sends the little Ricketts a
box of presents and toys. It is the same everywhere.
The men who do not take the trouble to conceal from
you their opinion that you are an incompetent ass,
and the women who blacken your character and misunderstand
your wife’s amusements, will work themselves
to the bone in your behalf if you fall sick or into
serious trouble.
Heatherlegh, the Doctor, kept, in
addition to his regular practice, a hospital on his
private account an arrangement of loose
boxes for Incurables, his friend called it but
it was really a sort of fitting-up shed for craft
that had been damaged by stress of weather. The
weather in India is often sultry, and since the tale
of bricks is always a fixed quantity, and the only
liberty allowed is permission to work overtime and
get no thanks, men occasionally break down and become
as mixed as the metaphors in this sentence.
Heatherlegh is the dearest doctor
that ever was, and his invariable prescription to
all his patients is, “lie low, go slow, and keep
cool.” He says that more men are killed
by overwork than the importance of this world justifies.
He maintains that overwork slew Pansay, who died under
his hands about three years ago. He has, of course,
the right to speak authoritatively, and he laughs
at my theory that there was a crack in Pansay’s
head and a little bit of the Dark World came through
and pressed him to death. “Pansay went
off the handle,” says Heatherlegh, “after
the stimulus of long leave at Home. He may or
he may not have behaved like a blackguard to Mrs.
Keith-Wessington. My notion is that the work
of the Katabundi Settlement ran him off his legs, and
that he took to brooding and making much of an ordinary
P. & O. flirtation. He certainly was engaged
to Miss Mannering, and she certainly broke off the
engagement. Then he took a feverish chill and
all that nonsense about ghosts developed. Overwork
started his illness, kept it alight, and killed him
poor devil. Write him off to the System one
man to take the work of two and a half men.”
I do not believe this. I used
to sit up with Pansay sometimes when Heatherlegh was
called out to patients, and I happened to be within
claim. The man would make me most unhappy by describing
in a low, even voice, the procession that was always
passing at the bottom of his bed. He had a sick
man’s command of language. When he recovered
I suggested that he should write out the whole affair
from beginning to end, knowing that ink might assist
him to ease his mind. When little boys have learned
a new bad word they are never happy till they have
chalked it up on a door. And this also is Literature.
He was in a high fever while he was
writing, and the blood-and-thunder Magazine diction
he adopted did not calm him. Two months afterward
he was reported fit for duty, but, in spite of the
fact that he was urgently needed to help an undermanned
Commission stagger through a deficit, he preferred
to die; vowing at the last that he was hag-ridden.
I got his manuscript before he died, and this is his
version of the affair, dated 1885:
My doctor tells me that I need rest
and change of air. It is not improbable that
I shall get both ere long rest that neither
the red-coated messenger nor the midday gun can break,
and change of air far beyond that which any homeward-bound
steamer can give me. In the meantime I am resolved
to stay where I am; and, in flat defiance of my doctor’s
orders, to take all the world into my confidence.
You shall learn for yourselves the precise nature
of my malady; and shall, too, judge for yourselves
whether any man born of woman on this weary earth
was ever so tormented as I.
Speaking now as a condemned criminal
might speak ere the drop-bolts are drawn, my story,
wild and hideously improbable as it may appear, demands
at least attention. That it will ever receive
credence I utterly disbelieve. Two months ago
I should have scouted as mad or drunk the man who
had dared tell me the like. Two months ago I was
the happiest man in India. Today, from Peshawur
to the sea, there is no one more wretched. My
doctor and I are the only two who know this. His
explanation is, that my brain, digestion, and eyesight
are all slightly affected; giving rise to my frequent
and persistent “delusions.” Delusions,
indeed! I call him a fool; but he attends me
still with the same unwearied smile, the same bland
professional manner, the same neatly trimmed red whiskers,
till I begin to suspect that I am an ungrateful, evil-tempered
invalid. But you shall judge for your-selves.
Three years ago it was my fortune my
great misfortune to sail from Gravesend
to Bombay, on return from long leave, with one Agnes
Keith-Wessington, wife of an officer on the Bombay
side. It does not in the least concern you to
know what manner of woman she was. Be content
with the knowledge that, ere the voyage had ended,
both she and I were desperately and unreasoningly
in love with one another. Heaven knows that I
can make the admission now without one particle of
vanity. In matters of this sort there is always
one who gives and another who accepts. From the
first day of our ill-omened attachment, I was conscious
that Agnes’s passion was a stronger, a more dominant,
and if I may use the expression a
purer sentiment than mine. Whether she recognized
the fact then, I do not know. Afterward it was
bitterly plain to both of us.
Arrived at Bombay in the spring of
the year, we went our respective ways, to meet no
more for the next three or four months, when my leave
and her love took us both to Simla. There we spent
the season together; and there my fire of straw burned
itself out to a pitiful end with the closing year.
I attempt no excuse. I make no apology. Mrs.
Wessington had given up much for my sake, and was
prepared to give up all. From my own lips, in
August, 1882, she learned that I was sick of her presence,
tired of her company, and weary of the sound of her
voice. Ninety-nine women out of a hundred would
have wearied of me as I wearied of them; seventy-five
of that number would have promptly avenged themselves
by active and obtrusive flirtation with other men.
Mrs. Wessington was the hundredth. On her neither
my openly expressed aversion nor the cutting brutalities
with which I garnished our interviews had the least
effect.
“Jack, darling!” was her
one eternal cuckoo cry: “I’m sure
it’s all a mistake a hideous mistake;
and we’ll be good friends again some day. Please
forgive me, Jack, dear.”
I was the offender, and I knew it.
That knowledge transformed my pity into passive endurance,
and, eventually, into blind hate the same
instinct, I suppose, which prompts a man to savagely
stamp on the spider he has but half killed. And
with this hate in my bosom the season of 1882 came
to an end.
Next year we met again at Simla she
with her monotonous face and timid attempts at reconciliation,
and I with loathing of her in every fibre of my frame.
Several times I could not avoid meeting her alone;
and on each occasion her words were identically the
same. Still the unreasoning wail that it was
all a “mistake”; and still the hope of
eventually “making friends.” I might
have seen had I cared to look, that that hope only
was keeping her alive. She grew more wan and
thin month by month. You will agree with me,
at least, that such conduct would have driven any one
to despair. It was uncalled for; childish; unwomanly.
I maintain that she was much to blame. And again,
sometimes, in the black, fever-stricken night-watches,
I have begun to think that I might have been a little
kinder to her. But that really is a “delusion.”
I could not have continued pretending to love her
when I didn’t; could I? It would have been
unfair to us both.
Last year we met again on
the same terms as before. The same weary appeal,
and the same curt answers from my lips. At least
I would make her see how wholly wrong and hopeless
were her attempts at resuming the old relationship.
As the season wore on, we fell apart that
is to say, she found it difficult to meet me, for
I had other and more absorbing interests to attend
to. When I think it over quietly in my sick-room,
the season of 1884 seems a confused nightmare wherein
light and shade were fantastically intermingled my
courtship of little Kitty Mannering; my hopes, doubts,
and fears; our long rides together; my trembling avowal
of attachment; her reply; and now and again a vision
of a white face flitting by in the ’rickshaw
with the black and white liveries I once watched for
so earnestly; the wave of Mrs. Wessington’s gloved
hand; and, when she met me alone, which was but seldom,
the irksome monotony of her appeal. I loved Kitty
Mannering; honestly, heartily loved her, and with
my love for her grew my hatred for Agnes. In August
Kitty and I were engaged. The next day I met those
accursed “magpie” jhampanies at
the back of Jakko, and, moved by some passing sentiment
of pity, stopped to tell Mrs. Wessington everything.
She knew it already.
“So I hear you’re engaged,
Jack dear.” Then, without a moment’s
pause: “I’m sure it’s all a
mistake a hideous mistake. We shall
be as good friends some day, Jack, as we ever were.”
My answer might have made even a man
wince. It cut the dying woman before me like
the blow of a whip. “Please forgive me,
Jack; I didn’t mean to make you angry; but it’s
true, it’s true!”
And Mrs. Wessington broke down completely.
I turned away and left her to finish her journey in
peace, feeling, but only for a moment or two, that
I had been an unutterably mean hound. I looked
back, and saw that she had turned her ’rickshaw
with the idea, I suppose, of overtaking me.
The scene and its surroundings were
photographed on my memory. The rain-swept sky
(we were at the end of the wet weather), the sodden,
dingy pines, the muddy road, and the black powder-riven
cliffs formed a gloomy background against which the
black and white liveries of the jhampanies,
the yellow-paneled ’rickshaw and Mrs. Wessington’s
down-bowed golden head stood out clearly. She
was holding her handkerchief in her left hand and
was leaning hack exhausted against the ’rickshaw
cushions. I turned my horse up a bypath near the
Sanjowlie Reservoir and literally ran away. Once
I fancied I heard a faint call of “Jack!”
This may have been imagination. I never stopped
to verify it. Ten minutes later I came across
Kitty on horseback; and, in the delight of a long
ride with her, forgot all about the interview.
A week later Mrs. Wessington died,
and the inexpressible burden of her existence was
removed from my life. I went Plainsward perfectly
happy. Before three months were over I had forgotten
all about her, except that at times the discovery
of some of her old letters reminded me unpleasantly
of our bygone relationship. By January I had disinterred
what was left of our correspondence from among my scattered
belongings and had burned it. At the beginning
of April of this year, 1885, I was at Simla semi-deserted
Simla once more, and was deep in lover’s
talks and walks with Kitty. It was decided that
we should be married at the end of June. You
will understand, therefore, that, loving Kitty as I
did, I am not saying too much when I pronounce myself
to have been, at that time, the happiest man in India.
Fourteen delightful days passed almost
before I noticed their flight. Then, aroused
to the sense of what was proper among mortals circumstanced
as we were, I pointed out to Kitty that an engagement
ring was the outward and visible sign of her dignity
as an engaged girl; and that she must forthwith come
to Hamilton’s to be measured for one. Up
to that moment, I give you my word, we had completely
forgotten so trivial a matter. To Hamilton’s
we accordingly went on the 15th of April, 1885.
Remember that whatever my doctor may say
to the contrary I was then in perfect health,
enjoying a well-balanced mind and an absolute tranquil
spirit. Kitty and I entered Hamilton’s shop
together, and there, regardless of the order of affairs,
I measured Kitty for the ring in the presence of the
amused assistant. The ring was a sapphire with
two diamonds. We then rode out down the slope
that leads to the Combermere Bridge and Peliti’s
shop.
While my Waler was cautiously feeling
his way over the loose shale, and Kitty was laughing
and chattering at my side while all Simla,
that is to say as much of it as had then come from
the Plains, was grouped round the Reading-room and
Peliti’s veranda, I was aware that
some one, apparently at a vast distance, was calling
me by my Christian name. It struck me that I
had heard the voice before, but when and where I could
not at once determine. In the short space it took
to cover the road between the path from Hamilton’s
shop and the first plank of the Combermere Bridge
I had thought over half a dozen people who might have
committed such a solecism, and had eventually decided
that it must have been singing in my ears. Immediately
opposite Peliti’s shop my eye was arrested by
the sight of four jhampanies in “magpie”
livery, pulling a yellow-paneled, cheap, bazar
’rickshaw. In a moment my mind flew back
to the previous season and Mrs. Wessington with a
sense of irritation and disgust. Was it not enough
that the woman was dead and done with, without her
black and white servitors reappearing to spoil the
day’s happiness? Whoever employed them
now I thought I would call upon, and ask as a personal
favor to change her jhampanies’ livery.
I would hire the men myself, and, if necessary, buy
their coats from off their backs. It is impossible
to say here what a flood of undesirable memories their
presence evoked.
“Kitty,” I cried, “there
are poor Mrs. Wessington’s jhampanies
turned up again! I wonder who has them now?”
Kitty had known Mrs. Wessington slightly
last season, and had always been interested in the
sickly woman.
“What? Where?” she asked. “I
can’t see them anywhere.”
Even as she spoke her horse, swerving
from a laden mule, threw himself directly in front
of the advancing ’rickshaw. I had scarcely
time to utter a word of warning when, to my unutterable
horror, horse and rider passed through men and carriage
as if they had been thin air.
“What’s the matter?”
cried Kitty; “what made you call out so foolishly,
Jack? If I am engaged I don’t want
all creation to know about it. There was lots
of space between the mule and the veranda; and, if
you think I can’t ride There!”
Whereupon wilful Kitty set off, her
dainty little head in the air, at a hand-gallop in
the direction of the Bandstand; fully expecting, as
she herself afterward told me, that I should follow
her. What was the matter? Nothing indeed.
Either that I was mad or drunk, or that Simla was
haunted with devils. I reined in my impatient
cob, and turned round. The ’rickshaw had
turned too, and now stood immediately facing me, near
the left railing of the Combermere Bridge.
“Jack! Jack, darling!”
(There was no mistake about the words this time:
they rang through my brain as if they had been shouted
in my ear.) “It’s some hideous mistake,
I’m sure. Please forgive me, Jack, and
let’s be friends again.”
The ’rickshaw-hood had fallen
back, and inside, as I hope and pray daily for the
death I dread by night, sat Mrs. Keith-Wessington,
handkerchief in hand, and golden head bowed on her
breast.
How long I stared motionless I do
not know. Finally, I was aroused by my syce taking
the Waler’s bridle and asking whether I was ill.
From the horrible to the commonplace is but a step.
I tumbled off my horse and dashed, half fainting,
into Peliti’s for a glass of cherry-brandy.
There two or three couples were gathered round the
coffee-tables discussing the gossip of the day.
Their trivialities were more comforting to me just
then than the consolations of religion could have been.
I plunged into the midst of the conversation at once;
chatted, laughed, and jested with a face (when I caught
a glimpse of it in a mirror) as white and drawn as
that of a corpse. Three or four men noticed my
condition; and, evidently setting it down to the results
of over-many pegs, charitably endeavoured to draw
me apart from the rest of the loungers. But I
refused to be led away. I wanted the company of
my kind as a child rushes into the midst
of the dinner-party after a fright in the dark.
I must have talked for about ten minutes or so, though
it seemed an eternity to me, when I heard Kitty’s
clear voice outside inquiring for me. In another
minute she had entered the shop, prepared to roundly
upbraid me for failing so signally in my duties.
Something in my face stopped her.
“Why, Jack,” she cried,
“what have you been doing? What has
happened? Are you ill?” Thus driven into
a direct lie, I said that the sun had been a little
too much for me. It was close upon five o’clock
of a cloudy April afternoon, and the sun had been
hidden all day. I saw my mistake as soon as the
words were out of my mouth: attempted to recover
it; blundered hopelessly and followed Kitty in a regal
rage, out of doors, amid the smiles of my acquaintances.
I made some excuse (I have forgotten what) on the
score of my feeling faint; and cantered away to my
hotel, leaving Kitty to finish the ride by herself.
In my room I sat down and tried calmly
to reason out the matter. Here was I, Theobald
Jack Pansay, a well-educated Bengal Civilian in the
year of grace, 1885, presumably sane, certainly healthy,
driven in terror from my sweetheart’s side by
the apparition of a woman who had been dead and buried
eight months ago. These were facts that I could
not blink. Nothing was further from my thought
than any memory of Mrs. Wessington when Kitty and
I left Hamilton’s shop. Nothing was more
utterly commonplace than the stretch of wall opposite
Peliti’s. It was broad daylight. The
road was full of people; and yet here, look you, in
defiance of every law of probability, in direct outrage
of Nature’s ordinance, there had appeared to
me a face from the grave.
Kitty’s Arab had gone through
the ’rickshaw: so that my first hope that
some woman marvelously like Mrs. Wessington had hired
the carriage and the coolies with their old livery
was lost. Again and again I went round this treadmill
of thought; and again and again gave up baffled and
in despair. The voice was as inexplicable as the
apparition. I had originally some wild notion
of confiding it all to Kitty; of begging her to marry
me at once; and in her arms defying the ghostly occupant
of the ’rickshaw. “After all,”
I argued, “the presence of the ’rickshaw
is in itself enough to prove the existence of a spectral
illusion. One may see ghosts of men and women,
but surely never of coolies and carriages. The
whole thing is absurd. Fancy the ghost of a hillman!”
Next morning I sent a penitent note
to Kitty, imploring her to overlook my strange conduct
of the previous afternoon. My Divinity was still
very wroth, and a personal apology was necessary.
I explained, with a fluency born of night-long pondering
over a falsehood, that I had been attacked with sudden
palpitation of the heart the result
of indigestion. This eminently practical solution
had its effect; and Kitty and I rode out that afternoon
with the shadow of my first lie dividing us.
Nothing would please her save a canter
round Jakko. With my nerves still unstrung from
the previous night I feebly protested against the notion,
suggesting Observatory Hill, Jutogh, the Boileaugunge
road anything rather than the Jakko round.
Kitty was angry and a little hurt: so I yielded
from fear of provoking further misunderstanding, and
we set out together toward Chota Simla. We walked
a greater part of the way, and, according to our custom,
cantered from a mile or so below the Convent to the
stretch of level road by the Sanjowlie Reservoir.
The wretched horses appeared to fly, and my heart
beat quicker and quicker as we neared the crest of
the ascent. My mind had been full of Mrs. Wessington
all the afternoon; and every inch of the Jakko road
bore witness to our oldtime walks and talks.
The bowlders were full of it; the pines sang it aloud
overhead; the rain-fed torrents giggled and chuckled
unseen over the shameful story; and the wind in my
ears chanted the iniquity aloud.
As a fitting climax, in the middle
of the level men call the Ladies’ Mile the Horror
was awaiting me. No other ’rickshaw was
in sight only the four black and white
jhampanies, the yellow-paneled carriage, and
the golden head of the woman within all
apparently just as I had left them eight months and
one fortnight ago! For an instant I fancied that
Kitty must see what I saw we were
so marvelously sympathetic in all things. Her
next words undeceived me “Not a soul
in sight! Come along, Jack, and I’ll race
you to the Reservoir buildings!” Her wiry little
Arab was off like a bird, my Waler following close
behind, and in this order we dashed under the cliffs.
Half a minute brought us within fifty yards of the
’rickshaw. I pulled my Waler and fell back
a little. The ’rickshaw was directly in
the middle of the road; and once more the Arab passed
through it, my horse following. “Jack!
Jack dear! Please forgive me,” rang with
a wail in my ears, and, after an interval: “It’s
a mistake, a hideous mistake!”
I spurred my horse like a man possessed.
When I turned my head at the Reservoir works, the
black and white liveries were still waiting patiently
waiting under the grey hillside, and the
wind brought me a mocking echo of the words I had
just heard. Kitty bantered me a good deal on
my silence throughout the remainder of the ride.
I had been talking up till then wildly and at random.
To save my life I could not speak afterward naturally,
and from Sanjowlie to the Church wisely held my tongue.
I was to dine with the Mannerings
that night, and had barely time to canter home to
dress. On the road to Elysium Hill I overheard
two men talking together in the dusk. “It’s
a curious thing,” said one, “how completely
all trace of it disappeared. You know my wife
was insanely fond of the woman (’never could
see anything in her myself), and wanted me to pick
up her old ’rickshaw and coolies if they were
to be got for love or money. Morbid sort of fancy
I call it; but I’ve got to do what the Memsahib
tells me. Would you believe that the man she hired
it from tells me that all four of the men they
were brothers died of cholera on the way
to Hardwar, poor devils, and the ’rickshaw has
been broken up by the man himself. ’Told
me he never used a dead Memsahib’s ’rickshaw.
’Spoiled his luck. Queer notion, wasn’t
it? Fancy poor little Mrs. Wessington spoiling
any one’s luck except her own!” I laughed
aloud at this point; and my laugh jarred on me as I
uttered it. So there were ghosts of ’rickshaws
after all, and ghostly employments in the other world!
How much did Mrs. Wessington give her men? What
were their hours? Where did they go?
And for visible answer to my last
question I saw the infernal Thing blocking my path
in the twilight. The dead travel fast, and by
short cuts unknown to ordinary coolies. I laughed
aloud a second time and checked my laughter suddenly,
for I was afraid I was going mad. Mad to a certain
extent I must have been, for I recollect that I reined
in my horse at the head of the ’rickshaw, and
politely wished Mrs. Wessington “Good-evening.”
Her answer was one I knew only too well. I listened
to the end; and replied that I had heard it all before,
but should be delighted if she had anything further
to say. Some malignant devil stronger than I
must have entered into me that evening, for I have
a dim recollection of talking the commonplaces of
the day for five minutes to the Thing in front of
me.
“Mad as a hatter, poor devil or
drunk. Max, try and get him to come home.”
Surely that was not Mrs. Wessington’s
voice! The two men had overheard me speaking
to the empty air, and had returned to look after me.
They were very kind and considerate, and from their
words evidently gathered that I was extremely drunk.
I thanked them confusedly and cantered away to my
hotel, there changed, and arrived at the Mannerings’
ten minutes late. I pleaded the darkness of the
night as an excuse; was rebuked by Kitty for my unlover-like
tardiness; and sat down.
The conversation had already become
general; and under cover of it, I was addressing some
tender small talk to my sweetheart when I was aware
that at the further end of the table a short red-whiskered
man was describing, with much broidery, his encounter
with a mad unknown that evening.
A few sentences convinced me that
he was repeating the incident of half an hour ago.
In the middle of the story he looked round for applause,
as professional story-tellers do, caught my eye, and
straightway collapsed. There was a moment’s
awkward silence, and the red-whiskered man muttered
something to the effect that he had “forgotten
the rest,” thereby sacrificing a reputation
as a good story-teller which he had built up for six
seasons past. I blessed him from the bottom of
my heart, and went on with my fish.
In the fulness of time that dinner
came to an end; and with genuine regret I tore myself
away from Kitty as certain as I was of my
own existence that It would be waiting for me outside
the door. The red-whiskered man, who had been
introduced to me as Doctor Heatherlegh, of Simla,
volunteered to bear me company as far as our roads
lay together. I accepted his offer with gratitude.
My instinct had not deceived me.
It lay in readiness in the Mall, and, in what seemed
devilish mockery of our ways, with a lighted head-lamp.
The red-whiskered man went to the point at once, in
a manner that showed he had been thinking over it
all dinner time.
“I say, Pansay, what the deuce
was the matter with you this evening on the Elysium
road?” The suddenness of the question wrenched
an answer from me before I was aware.
“That!” said I, pointing to It.
“That may be either D.
T. or Eyes for aught I know. Now you don’t
liquor. I saw as much at dinner, so it can’t
be D. T. There’s nothing whatever where you’re
pointing, though you’re sweating and trembling
with fright like a scared pony. Therefore, I conclude
that it’s Eyes. And I ought to understand
all about them. Come along home with me.
I’m on the Blessington lower road.”
To my intense delight the ’rickshaw
instead of waiting for us kept about twenty yards
ahead and this, too whether we walked, trotted,
or cantered. In the course of that long night
ride I had told my companion almost as much as I have
told you here.
“Well, you’ve spoiled
one of the best tales I’ve ever laid tongue to,”
said he, “but I’ll forgive you for the
sake of what you’ve gone through. Now come
home and do what I tell you; and when I’ve cured
you, young man, let this be a lesson to you to steer
clear of women and indigestible food till the day
of your death.”
The ’rickshaw kept steady in
front; and my red-whiskered friend seemed to derive
great pleasure from my account of its exact whereabouts.
“Eyes, Pansay all
Eyes, Brain, and Stomach. And the greatest of
these three is Stomach. You’ve too much
conceited Brain, too little Stomach, and thoroughly
unhealthy Eyes. Get your Stomach straight and
the rest follows. And all that’s French
for a liver pill. I’ll take sole medical
charge of you from this hour! for you’re too
interesting a phenomenon to be passed over.”
By this time we were deep in the shadow
of the Blessington lower road and the ’rickshaw
came to a dead stop under a pine-clad, over-hanging
shale cliff. Instinctively I halted too, giving
my reason. Heatherlegh rapped out an oath.
“Now, if you think I’m
going to spend a cold night on the hillside for the
sake of a stomach-cum-Brain-cum-Eye illusion....
Lord, ha’ mercy! What’s that?”
There was a muffled report, a blinding
smother of dust just in front of us, a crack, the
noise of rent boughs, and about ten yards of the cliff-side pines,
undergrowth, and all slid down into the
road below, completely blocking it up. The uprooted
trees swayed and tottered for a moment like drunken
giants in the gloom, and then fell prone among their
fellows with a thunderous crash. Our two horses
stood motionless and sweating with fear. As soon
as the rattle of falling earth and stone had subsided,
my companion muttered: “Man, if we’d
gone forward we should have been ten feet deep in
our graves by now. ’There are more things
in heaven and earth.’... Come home, Pansay,
and thank God. I want a peg badly.”
We retraced our way over the Church
Ridge, and I arrived at Dr. Heatherlegh’s house
shortly after midnight.
His attempts toward my cure commenced
almost immediately, and for a week I never left his
sight. Many a time in the course of that week
did I bless the good-fortune which had thrown me in
contact with Simla’s best and kindest doctor.
Day by day my spirits grew lighter and more equable.
Day by day, too, I became more and more inclined to
fall in with Heatherlegh’s “spectral illusion”
theory, implicating eyes, brain, and stomach.
I wrote to Kitty, telling her that a slight sprain
caused by a fall from my horse kept me indoors for
a few days; and that I should be recovered before
she had time to regret my absence.
Heatherlegh’s treatment was
simple to a degree. It consisted of liver pills,
cold-water baths, and strong exercise, taken in the
dusk or at early dawn for, as he sagely
observed: “A man with a sprained ankle
doesn’t walk a dozen miles a day, and your young
woman might be wondering if she saw you.”
At the end of the week, after much
examination of pupil and pulse, and strict injunctions
as to diet and pedestrianism, Heatherlegh dismissed
me as brusquely as he had taken charge of me.
Here is his parting benediction: “Man,
I can certify to your mental cure, and that’s
as much as to say I’ve cured most of your bodily
ailments. Now, get your traps out of this as
soon as you can; and be off to make love to Miss Kitty.”
I was endeavoring to express my thanks
for his kindness. He cut me short.
“Don’t think I did this
because I like you. I gather that you’ve
behaved like a blackguard all through. But, all
the same, you’re a phenomenon, and as queer
a phenomenon as you are a blackguard. No!” checking
me a second time “not a rupee, please.
Go out and see if you can find the eyes-brain-and-stomach
business again. I’ll give you a lakh for
each time you see it.”
Half an hour later I was in the Mannerings’
drawing-room with Kitty drunk with the
intoxication of present happiness and the fore-knowledge
that I should never more be troubled with Its hideous
presence. Strong in the sense of my new-found
security, I proposed a ride at once; and, by preference,
a canter round Jakko.
Never had I felt so well, so overladen
with vitality and mere animal spirits, as I did on
the afternoon of the 30th of April. Kitty was
delighted at the change in my appearance, and complimented
me on it in her delightfully frank and outspoken manner.
We left the Mannerings’ house together, laughing
and talking, and cantered along the Chota Simla road
as of old.
I was in haste to reach the Sanjowlie
Reservoir and there make my assurance doubly sure.
The horses did their best, but seemed all too slow
to my impatient mind. Kitty was astonished at
my boisterousness. “Why, Jack!” she
cried at last, “you are behaving like a child.
What are you doing?”
We were just below the Convent, and
from sheer wantonness I was making my Waler plunge
and curvet across the road as I tickled it with the
loop of my riding-whip.
“Doing?” I answered; “nothing,
dear. That’s just it. If you’d
been doing nothing for a week except lie up, you’d
be as riotous as I.”
“’Singing and murmuring in
your feastful mirth,
Joying to feel yourself alive;
Lord over Nature, Lord of the visible
Earth,
Lord of the senses five.’”
My quotation was hardly out of my
lips before we had rounded the corner above the Convent;
and a few yards further on could see across to Sanjowlie.
In the centre of the level road stood the black and
white liveries, the yellow-paneled ’rickshaw,
and Mrs. Keith-Wessington. I pulled up, looked,
rubbed my eyes, and, I believe must have said something.
The next thing I knew was that I was lying face downward
on the road with Kitty kneeling above me in tears.
“Has it gone, child!”
I gasped. Kitty only wept more bitterly.
“Has what gone, Jack dear? what
does it all mean? There must be a mistake somewhere,
Jack. A hideous mistake.” Her last
words brought me to my feet mad raving
for the time being.
“Yes, there is a mistake somewhere,”
I repeated, “a hideous mistake. Come and
look at It.”
I have an indistinct idea that I dragged
Kitty by the wrist along the road up to where It stood,
and implored her for pity’s sake to speak to
It; to tell It that we were betrothed; that neither
Death nor Hell could break the tie between us; and
Kitty only knows how much more to the same effect.
Now and again I appealed passionately to the Terror
in the ’rickshaw to bear witness to all I had
said, and to release me from a torture that was killing
me. As I talked I suppose I must have told Kitty
of my old relations with Mrs. Wessington, for I saw
her listen intently with white face and blazing eyes.
“Thank you, Mr. Pansay,”
she said, “that’s quite enough.
Syce ghora lao.”
The syces, impassive as Orientals
always are, had come up with the recaptured horses;
and as Kitty sprang into her saddle I caught hold of
the bridle, entreating her to hear me out and forgive.
My answer was the cut of her riding-whip across my
face from mouth to eye, and a word or two of farewell
that even now I cannot write down. So I judged,
and judged rightly, that Kitty knew all; and I staggered
back to the side of the ’rickshaw. My face
was cut and bleeding, and the blow of the riding-whip
had raised a livid blue wheal on it. I had no
self-respect. Just then, Heatherlegh, who must
have been following Kitty and me at a distance, cantered
up.
“Doctor,” I said, pointing
to my face, “here’s Miss Mannering’s
signature to my order of dismissal and... I’ll
thank you for that lakh as soon as convenient.”
Heatherlegh’s face, even in
my abject misery, moved me to laughter.
“I’ll stake my professional reputation” he
began.
“Don’t be a fool,”
I whispered. “I’ve lost my life’s
happiness and you’d better take me home.”
As I spoke the ’rickshaw was
gone. Then I lost all knowledge of what was passing.
The crest of Jakko seemed to heave and roll like the
crest of a cloud and fall in upon me.
Seven days later (on the 7th of May,
that is to say) I was aware that I was lying in Heatherlegh’s
room as weak as a little child. Heatherlegh was
watching me intently from behind the papers on his
writing-table. His first words were not encouraging;
but I was too far spent to be much moved by them.
“Here’s Miss Kitty has
sent back your letters. You corresponded a good
deal, you young people. Here’s a packet
that looks like a ring, and a cheerful sort of a note
from Mannering Papa, which I’ve taken the liberty
of reading and burning. The old gentleman’s
not pleased with you.”
“And Kitty?” I asked, dully.
“Rather more drawn than her
father from what she says. By the same token
you must have been letting out any number of queer
reminiscences just before I met you. ’Says
that a man who would have behaved to a woman as you
did to Mrs. Wessington ought to kill himself out of
sheer pity for his kind. She’s a hot-headed
little virago, your mash. ’Will have it
too that you were suffering from D. T. when that row
on the Jakko road turned up. ’Says she’ll
die before she ever speaks to you again.”
I groaned and turned over to the other side.
“Now you’ve got your choice,
my friend. This engagement has to be broken off;
and the Mannerings don’t want to be too hard
on you. Was it broken through D. T. or epileptic
fits? Sorry I can’t offer you a better
exchange unless you’d prefer hereditary insanity.
Say the word and I’ll tell ’em it’s
fits. All Simla knows about that scene on the
Ladies’ Mile. Come! I’ll give
you five minutes to think over it.”
During those five minutes I believe
that I explored thoroughly the lowest circles of the
Inferno which it is permitted man to tread on earth.
And at the same time I myself was watching myself faltering
through the dark labyrinths of doubt, misery, and utter
despair. I wondered, as Heatherlegh in his chair
might have wondered, which dreadful alternative I
should adopt. Presently I heard myself answering
in a voice that I hardly recognized,
“They’re confoundedly
particular about morality in these parts. Give
’em fits, Heatherlegh, and my love. Now
let me sleep a bit longer.”
Then my two selves joined, and it
was only I (half crazed, devil-driven I) that tossed
in my bed, tracing step by step the history of the
past month.
“But I am in Simla,” I
kept repeating to myself. “I, Jack Pansay,
am in Simla and there are no ghosts here. It’s
unreasonable of that woman to pretend there are.
Why couldn’t Agnes have left me alone? I
never did her any harm. It might just as well
have been me as Agnes. Only I’d never have
come hack on purpose to kill her. Why can’t
I be left alone left alone and happy?”
It was high noon when I first awoke:
and the sun was low in the sky before I slept slept
as the tortured criminal sleeps on his rack, too worn
to feel further pain.
Next day I could not leave my bed.
Heatherlegh told me in the morning that he had received
an answer from Mr. Mannering, and that, thanks to
his (Heatherlegh’s) friendly offices, the story
of my affliction had traveled through the length and
breadth of Simla, where I was on all sides much pitied.
“And that’s rather more
than you deserve,” he concluded, pleasantly,
“though the Lord knows you’ve been going
through a pretty severe mill. Never mind; we’ll
cure you yet, you perverse phenomenon.”
I declined firmly to be cured.
“You’ve been much too good to me already,
old man,” said I; “but I don’t think
I need trouble you further.”
In my heart I knew that nothing Heatherlegh
could do would lighten the burden that had been laid
upon me.
With that knowledge came also a sense
of hopeless, impotent rebellion against the unreasonableness
of it all. There were scores of men no better
than I whose punishments had at least been reserved
for another world; and I felt that it was bitterly,
cruelly unfair that I alone should have been singled
out for so hideous a fate. This mood would in
time give place to another where it seemed that the
’rickshaw and I were the only realities in a
world of shadows; that Kitty was a ghost; that Mannering,
Heatherlegh, and all the other men and women I knew
were all ghosts; and the great, grey hills themselves
but vain shadows devised to torture me. From
mood to mood I tossed backward and forward for seven
weary days; my body growing daily stronger and stronger,
until the bedroom looking-glass told me that I had
returned to everyday life, and was as other men once
more. Curiously enough my face showed no signs
of the struggle I had gone through. It was pale
indeed, but as expression-less and commonplace as
ever. I had expected some permanent alteration visible
evidence of the disease that was eating me away.
I found nothing.
On the 15th of May, I left Heatherlegh’s
house at eleven o’clock in the morning; and
the instinct of the bachelor drove me to the Club.
There I found that every man knew my story as told
by Heatherlegh, and was, in clumsy fashion, abnormally
kind and attentive. Nevertheless I recognized
that for the rest of my natural life I should be among
but not of my fellows; and I envied very bitterly
indeed the laughing coolies on the Mall below.
I lunched at the Club, and at four o’clock wandered
aimlessly down the Mall in the vague hope of meeting
Kitty. Close to the Band-stand the black and
white liveries joined me; and I heard Mrs. Wessington’s
old appeal at my side. I had been expecting this
ever since I came out; and was only surprised at her
delay. The phantom ’rickshaw and I went
side by side along the Chota Simla road in silence.
Close to the bazar, Kitty and a man on horseback
overtook and passed us. For any sign she gave
I might have been a dog in the road. She did not
even pay me the compliment of quickening her pace;
though the rainy afternoon had served for an excuse.
So Kitty and her companion, and I
and my ghostly Light-o’-Love, crept round Jakko
in couples. The road was streaming with water;
the pines dripped like roof-pipes on the rocks below,
and the air was full of fine, driving rain. Two
or three times I found myself saying to myself almost
aloud: “I’m Jack Pansay on leave at
Simla at Simla! Everyday, ordinary
Simla. I mustn’t forget that I
mustn’t forget that.” Then I would
try to recollect some of the gossip I had heard at
the Club: the prices of So-and-So’s horses anything,
in fact, that related to the workaday Anglo-Indian
world I knew so well. I even repeated the multiplication-table
rapidly to myself, to make quite sure that I was not
taking leave of my senses. It gave me much comfort;
and must have prevented my hearing Mrs. Wessington
for a time.
Once more I wearily climbed the Convent
slope and entered the level road. Here Kitty
and the man started off at a canter, and I was left
alone with Mrs. Wessington. “Agnes,”
said I, “will you put back your hood and tell
me what it all means?” The hood dropped noiselessly,
and I was face to face with my dead and buried mistress.
She was wearing the dress in which I had last seen
her alive; carried the same tiny handkerchief in her
right hand; and the same cardcase in her left. (A
woman eight months dead with a cardcase!) I had to
pin myself down to the multiplication-table, and to
set both hands on the stone parapet of the road, to
assure myself that that at least was real.
“Agnes,” I repeated, “for
pity’s sake tell me what it all means.”
Mrs. Wessington leaned forward, with that odd, quick
turn of the head I used to know so well, and spoke.
If my story had not already so madly
overleaped the bounds of all human belief I should
apologize to you now. As I know that no one no,
not even Kitty, for whom it is written as some sort
of justification of my conduct will believe
me, I will go on. Mrs. Wessington spoke and I
walked with her from the Sanjowlie road to the turning
below the Commander-in-Chief’s house as I might
walk by the side of any living woman’s ’rickshaw,
deep in conversation. The second and most tormenting
of my moods of sickness had suddenly laid hold upon
me, and like the Prince in Tennyson’s poem,
“I seemed to move amid a world of ghosts.”
There had been a garden-party at the Commander-in-Chief’s,
and we two joined the crowd of homeward-bound folk.
As I saw them then it seemed that they were
the shadows impalpable, fantastic shadows that
divided for Mrs. Wessington’s ’rickshaw
to pass through. What we said during the course
of that weird interview I cannot indeed,
I dare not tell. Heatherlegh’s
comment would have been a short laugh and a remark
that I had been “mashing a brain-eye-and-stomach
chimera.” It was a ghastly and yet in some
indefinable way a marvelously dear experience.
Could it be possible, I wondered, that I was in this
life to woo a second time the woman I had killed by
my own neglect and cruelty?
I met Kitty on the homeward road a shadow
among shadows.
If I were to describe all the incidents
of the next fortnight in their order, my story would
never come to an end; and your patience would be exhausted.
Morning after morning and evening after evening the
ghostly ’rickshaw and I used to wander through
Simla together. Wherever I went there the four
black and white liveries followed me and bore me company
to and from my hotel. At the Theatre I found them
amid the crowd or yelling jhampanies; outside
the Club veranda, after a long evening of whist; at
the Birthday Ball, waiting patiently for my reappearance;
and in broad daylight when I went calling. Save
that it cast no shadow, the ’rickshaw was in
every respect as real to look upon as one of wood and
iron. More than once, indeed, I have had to check
myself from warning some hard-riding friend against
cantering over it. More than once I have walked
down the Mall deep in conversation with Mrs. Wessington
to the unspeakable amazement of the passers-by.
Before I had been out and about a
week I learned that the “fit” theory had
been discarded in favor of insanity. However,
I made no change in my mode of life. I called,
rode, and dined out as freely as ever. I had
a passion for the society of my kind which I had never
felt before; I hungered to be among the realities
of life; and at the same time I felt vaguely unhappy
when I had been separated too long from my ghostly
companion. It would be almost impossible to describe
my varying moods from the 15th of May up to to-day.
The presence of the ’rickshaw
filled me by turns with horror, blind fear, a dim
sort of pleasure, and utter despair. I dared not
leave Simla; and I knew that my stay there was killing
me. I knew, moreover, that it was my destiny
to die slowly and a little every day. My only
anxiety was to get the penance over as quietly as might
be. Alternately I hungered for a sight of Kitty
and watched her outrageous flirtations with my successor to
speak more accurately, my successors with
amused interest. She was as much out of my life
as I was out of hers. By day I wandered with
Mrs. Wessington almost content. By night I implored
Heaven to let me return to the world as I used to
know it. Above all these varying moods lay the
sensation of dull, numbing wonder that the Seen and
the Unseen should mingle so strangely on this earth
to hound one poor soul to its grave.
August 27. Heatherlegh
has been indefatigable in his attendance on me; and
only yesterday told me that I ought to send in an application
for sick leave. An application to escape the company
of a phantom! A request that the Government would
graciously permit me to get rid of five ghosts and
an airy ’rickshaw by going to England. Heatherlegh’s
proposition moved me to almost hysterical laughter.
I told him that I should await the end quietly at
Simla; and I am sure that the end is not far off.
Believe me that I dread its advent more than any word
can say; and I torture myself nightly with a thousand
speculations as to the manner of my death.
Shall I die in my bed decently and
as an English gentleman should die; or, in one last
walk on the Mall, will my soul be wrenched from me
to take its place forever and ever by the side of
that ghastly phantasm? Shall I return to my old
lost allegiance in the next world, or shall I meet
Agnes loathing her and bound to her side through all
eternity? Shall we two hover over the scene of
our lives till the end of Time? As the day of
my death draws nearer, the intense horror that all
living flesh feels toward escaped spirits from beyond
the grave grows more and more powerful. It is
an awful thing to go down quick among the dead with
scarcely one-half of your life completed. It is
a thousand times more awful to wait as I do in your
midst, for I know not what unimaginable terror.
Pity me, at least on the score of my “delusion,”
for I know you will never believe what I have written
here. Yet as surely as ever a man was done to
death by the Powers of Darkness I am that man.
In justice, too, pity her. For
as surely as ever woman was killed by man, I killed
Mrs. Wessington. And the last portion of my punishment
is ever now upon me.