We have an instinctive fear of death;
yet we have a horror of a life prolonged far beyond
the average limit: it is sorrowful; it is pitiful;
it has no attractions.
This world is only a schoolroom for
the larger life of the next. Some leave it early,
and some late: some linger long after they seem
to have learned all its lessons. This world is
no heaven: its pleasures do not last even through
our little lifetimes.
There are many fables of endless life,
which in all ages have caught the attention of men;
we are familiar with the stories of the old patriarchs
who lived their hundreds of years: but one thinks
of them wearily, and without envy.
When I was a child, it was necessary
that my father and mother should take a long sea-voyage.
I never had been separated from them before; but at
this time they thought it best to leave me behind,
as I was not strong, and the life on board ship did
not suit me. When I was told of this decision,
I was very sorry, and at once thought I should be
miserable without my mother; besides, I pitied myself
exceedingly for losing the sights I had hoped to see
in the country which they were to visit. I had
an uncontrollable dislike to being sent to school,
having in some way been frightened by a maid of my
mother’s, who had put many ideas and aversions
into my head which I was many years in outgrowing.
Having dreaded this possibility, it was a great relief
to know that I was not to be sent to school at all,
but to be put under the charge of two elderly cousins
of my father, a gentleman and his wife whom
I had once seen, and liked dearly. I knew that
their home was at a fine old-fashioned country-place,
far from town, and close beside a river, and I was
pleased with this prospect, and at once began to make
charming plans for the new life.
I had lived always with grown people,
and seldom had had any thing to do with children.
I was very small for my age, and a strange mixture
of childishness and maturity; and, having the appearance
of being absorbed in my own affairs, no one ever noticed
me much, or seemed to think it better that I should
not listen to the conversation. In spite of considerable
curiosity, I followed an instinct which directed me
never to ask questions at these times: so I often
heard stray sentences which puzzled me, and which
really would have been made simple and commonplace
at once, if I had only asked their meaning. I
was, for the most of the time, in a world of my own.
I had a great deal of imagination, and was always
telling myself stories; and my mind was adrift in
these so much, that my real absent-mindedness was
mistaken for childish unconcern. Yet I was a thoroughly
simple, unaffected child. My dreams and thoughtfulness
gave me a certain tact and perception unusual in a
child; but my pleasures were as deep in simple things
as heart could wish.
It happened that our cousin Matthew
was to come to the city on business the week that
the ship was to sail, and that I could stay with my
father and mother to the very last day, and then go
home with him. This was much pleasanter than
leaving sooner under the care of an utter stranger,
as was at first planned. My cousin Agnes wrote
a kind letter about my coming which seemed to give
her much pleasure. She remembered me very well,
and sent me a message which made me feel of consequence;
and I was delighted with the plan of making her so
long a visit.
One evening I was reading a story-book,
and I heard my father say in an undertone, “How
long has madam been at the ferry this last time?
Eight or ten years, has she not? I suppose she
is there yet?” “Oh, yes!”
said my mother, “or Agnes would have told us.
She spoke of her in the last letter you had, while
we were in Sweden.”
“I should think she would be
glad to have a home at last, after her years of wandering
about. Not that I should be surprised now to hear
that she had disappeared again. When I was staying
there while I was young, we thought she had drowned
herself, and even had the men search for her along
the shore of the river; but after a time cousin Matthew
heard of her alive and well in Salem; and I believe
she appeared again this last time as suddenly as she
went away.”
“I suppose she will never die,”
said my mother gravely. “She must be terribly
old,” said my father. “When I saw
her last, she had scarcely changed at all from the
way she looked when I was a boy. She is even
more quiet and gentle than she used to be. There
is no danger that the child will have any fear of
her; do you think so?” “Oh,
no! but I think I will tell her that madam is a very
old woman, and that I hope she will be very kind,
and try not to annoy her; and that she must not be
frightened at her strange notions. I doubt if
she knows what craziness is.” “She
would be wise if she could define it,” said my
father with a smile. “Perhaps we had better
say nothing about the old lady. It is probable
that she stays altogether in her own room, and that
the child will rarely see her. I never have realized
until lately the horror of such a long life as hers,
living on and on, with one’s friends gone long
ago: such an endless life in this world!”
Then there was a mysterious old person
living at the ferry, and there was a question whether
I would not be “afraid” of her. She
“had not changed” since my father was
a boy: “it was horrible to have one’s
life endless in this world!”
The days went quickly by. My
mother, who was somewhat of an invalid, grew sad as
the time drew near for saying good-by to me, and was
more tender and kind than ever before, and more indulgent
of every wish and fancy of mine. We had been
together all my life, and now it was to be long months
before she could possibly see my face again, and perhaps
she was leaving me forever. Her time was all spent,
I believe, in thoughts for me, and in making arrangements
for my comfort. I did see my mother again; but
the tears fill my eyes when I think how dear we became
to each other before that first parting, and with what
a lingering, loving touch, she herself packed my boxes,
and made sure, over and over again, that I had whatever
I should need; and I remember how close she used to
hold me when I sat in her lap in the evening, saying
that she was afraid I should have grown too large to
be held when she came back again. We had more
to say to each other than ever before, and I think,
until then, that my mother never had suspected how
much I observed of life and of older people in a certain
way; that I was something more than a little child
who went from one interest to another carelessly.
I have known since that my mother’s childhood
was much like mine. She, however, was timid,
while I had inherited from my father his fearlessness,
and lack of suspicion; and these qualities, like a
fresh wind, swept away any cobwebs of nervous anticipation
and sensitiveness. Every one was kind to me,
partly, I think because I interfered with no one.
I was glad of the kindness, and, with my unsuspected
dreaming and my happy childishness, I had gone through
life with almost perfect contentment, until this pain
of my first real loneliness came into my heart.
It was a day’s journey to cousin
Matthew’s house, mostly by rail; though, toward
the end, we had to travel a considerable distance by
stage, and at last were left on the river-bank opposite
my new home, and I saw a boat waiting to take us across.
It was just at sunset, and I remember wondering if
my father and mother were out of sight of land, and
if they were watching the sky; if my father would remember
that only the evening before we had gone out for a
walk together, and there had been a sunset so much
like this. It somehow seemed long ago. Cousin
Matthew was busy talking with the ferryman; and indeed
he had found acquaintances at almost every part of
the journey, and had not been much with me, though
he was kind and attentive in his courteous, old-fashioned
way, treating me with the same ceremonious politeness
which he had shown my mother. He pointed out the
house to me: it was but a little way from the
edge of the river. It was very large and irregular,
with great white chimneys; and, while the river was
all in shadow, the upper windows of two high gables
were catching the last red glow of the sun. On
the opposite side of a green from the house were the
farm-house and buildings; and the green sloped down
to the water, where there was a wharf and an ancient-looking
storehouse. There were some old boats and long
sticks of timber lying on the shore; and I saw a flock
of white geese march solemnly up toward the barns.
From the open green I could see that a road went up
the hill beyond. The trees in the garden and
orchard were the richest green; their round tops were
clustered thick together; and there were some royal
great elms near the house. The fiery red faded
from the high windows as we came near the shore, and
cousin Agnes was ready to meet me; and when she put
her arms round me as kindly as my mother would have
done, and kissed me twice in my father’s fashion,
was sure that I loved her, and would be contented.
Her hair was very gray; but she did not look, after
all, so very old. Her face was a grave one, as
if she had had many cares; yet they had all made her
stronger, and there had been some sweetness, and something
to be glad about, and to thank God for, in every sorrow.
I had a feeling always that she was my sure defence
and guard. I was safe and comfortable with her:
it was the same feeling which one learns to have toward
God more and more, as one grows older.
We went in through a wide hall, and
up stairs, through a long passage, to my room, which
was in a corner of one of the gables. Two windows
looked on the garden and the river: another looked
across to the other gable, and into the square, grassy
court between. It was a rambling, great house,
and seemed like some English houses I had seen.
It would be great fun to go into all the rooms some
day soon.
“How much you are like your
father!” said cousin Agnes, stooping to kiss
me again, with her hand on my shoulder. I had
a sudden consciousness of my bravery in having behaved
so well all day; then I remembered that my father
and mother were at every instant being carried farther
and farther away. I could almost hear the waves
dash about the ship; and I could not help crying a
little. “Poor little girl!” said
cousin Agnes: “I am very sorry.”
And she sat down, and took me in her lap for a few
minutes. She was tall, and held me so comfortably,
and I soon was almost happy again; for she hoped I
would not be lonely with her, and that I would not
think she was a stranger, for she had known and loved
my father so well; and it would make cousin Matthew
so disappointed and uneasy if I were discontented;
and would I like some bread and milk with my supper,
in the same blue china bowl, with the dragon on it,
which my father used to have when he was a boy?
These arguments were by no means lost upon me, and
I was ready to smile presently; and then we went down
to the dining-room, which had some solemn-looking
portraits on the walls, and heavy, stiff furniture;
and there was an old-fashioned woman standing ready
to wait, whom cousin Agnes called Deborah, and who
smiled at me graciously.
Cousin Matthew talked with his wife
for a time about what had happened to him and to her
during his absence; and then he said, “And how
is madam to-day? you have not spoken of her.” “She
is not so well as usual,” said cousin Agnes.
“She has had one of her sorrowful times since
you went away. I have sat with her for several
hours to-day; but she has hardly spoken to me.”
And then cousin Matthew looked at me, and cousin Agnes
hesitated for a minute. Deborah had left the room.
“We speak of a member of our
family whom you have not seen, although you may have
heard your father speak of her. She is called
Lady Ferry by most people who know of her; but you
may say madam when you speak to her. She is very
old, and her mind wanders, so that she has many strange
fancies; but you must not be afraid, for she is very
gentle and harmless. She is not used to children;
but I know you will not annoy her, and I dare say
you can give her much pleasure.” This was
all that was said; but I wished to know more.
It seemed to me that there was a reserve about this
person, and the old house itself was the very place
for a mystery. As I went through some of the other
rooms with cousin Agnes in the summer twilight, I half
expected to meet Lady Ferry in every shadowy corner;
but I did not dare to ask a question. My father’s
words came to me, “Such an endless
life,” and “living on and on.”
And why had he and my mother never spoken to me afterward
of my seeing her? They had talked about it again,
perhaps, and did not mean to tell me, after all.
I saw something of the house that
night, the great kitchen, with its huge fireplace,
and other rooms up stairs and down; and cousin Agnes
told me, that by daylight I should go everywhere, except
to Madam’s rooms: I must wait for an invitation
there.
The house had been built a hundred
and fifty years before, by Colonel Haverford, an Englishman,
whom no one knew much about, except that he lived
like a prince, and would never tell his history.
He and his sons died; and after the Revolution the
house was used for a tavern for many years, the
Ferry Tavern, and the place was busy enough.
Then there was a bridge built down the river, and
the old ferry fell into disuse; and the owner of the
house died, and his family also died, or went away;
and then the old place, for a long time, was either
vacant, or in the hands of different owners.
It was going to ruin at length, when cousin Matthew
bought it, and came there from the city to live years
before. He was a strange man; indeed, I know now
that all the possessors of the Ferry farm must have
been strange men. One often hears of the influence
of climate upon character; there is a strong influence
of place; and the inanimate things which surround us
indoors and out make us follow out in our lives their
own silent characteristics. We unconsciously
catch the tone of every house in which we live, and
of every view of the outward, material world which
grows familiar to us, and we are influenced by surroundings
nearer and closer still than the climate or the country
which we inhabit. At the old Haverford house
it was mystery which one felt when one entered the
door; and when one came away, after cordiality, and
days of sunshine and pleasant hospitality, it was
still with a sense of this mystery, and of something
unseen and unexplained. Not that there was any
thing covered and hidden necessarily; but it was the
quiet undertone in the house which had grown to be
so old, and had known the magnificent living of Colonel
Haverford’s time, and afterward the struggles
of poor gentlemen and women, who had hardly warmed
its walls with their pitiful fires, and shivering,
hungry lives; then the long procession of travellers
who had been sheltered there in its old tavern days;
finally, my cousin Matthew and his wife, who had made
it their home, when, with all their fortune, they
felt empty-handed, and as if their lives were ended,
because their only son had died. Here they had
learned to be happy again in a quiet sort of way, and
had become older and serener, loving this lovable
place by the river, and keepers of its secret whatever
that might be.
I was wide awake that first evening:
I was afraid of being sent to bed, and, to show cousin
Agnes that I was not sleepy, I chattered far more
than usual. It was warm, and the windows of the
parlor where we sat looked upon the garden. The
moon had risen, and it was light out of doors.
I caught every now and then the faint smell of honeysuckle,
and presently I asked if I might go into the garden
a while; and cousin Agnes gave me leave, adding that
I must soon go to bed, else I would be very tired
next day. She noticed that I looked grave, and
said that I must not dread being alone in the strange
room, for it was so near her own. This was a
great consolation; and after I had been told that
the tide was in, and I must be careful not to go too
near the river wall, I went out through the tall glass
door, and slowly down the wide garden-walk, from which
now and then narrower walks branched off at right
angles. It was the pride of the place, this garden;
and the box-borders especially were kept with great
care. They had partly been trimmed that day;
and the evening dampness brought out the faint, solemn
odor of the leaves, which I never have noticed since
without thinking of that night. The roses were
in bloom, and the snowball-bushes were startlingly
white, and there was a long border filled with lilies-of-the-valley.
The other flowers of the season were all there and
in blossom; yet I could see none well but the white
ones, which looked like bits of snow and ice in the
summer shadows, ghostly flowers which one
could see at night.
It was still in the garden, except
once I heard a bird twitter sleepily, and once or
twice a breeze came across the river, rustling the
leaves a little. The small-paned windows glistened
in the moonlight, and seemed like the eyes of the
house watching me, the unknown new-comer.
For a while I wandered about, exploring
the different paths, some of which were arched over
by the tall lilacs, or by arbors where the grape-leaves
did not seem fully grown. I wondered if my mother
would miss me. It seemed impossible that I should
have seen her only that morning; and suddenly I had
a consciousness that she was thinking of me, and she
seemed so close to me, that it would not be strange
if she could hear what I said. And I called her
twice softly; but the sound of my unanswered voice
frightened me. I saw some round white flowers
at my feet, looking up mockingly. The smell of
the earth and the new grass seemed to smother me.
I was afraid to be there all alone in the wide open
air; and all the tall bushes that were so still around
me took strange shapes, and seemed to be alive.
I was so terribly far away from the mother whom I
had called; the pleasure of my journey, and my coming
to cousin Agnes, faded from my mind, and that indescribable
feeling of hopelessness and dread, and of having made
an irreparable mistake, came in its place. The
thorns of a straying slender branch of a rose-bush
caught my sleeve maliciously as I turned to hurry
away, and then I caught sight of a person in the path
just before me. It was such a relief to see some
one, that I was not frightened when I saw that it
must be Lady Ferry.
She was bent, but very tall and slender,
and was walking slowly with a cane. Her head
was covered with a great hood or wrapping of some kind,
which she pushed back when she saw me. Some faint
whitish figures on her dress looked like frost in
the moonlight; and the dress itself was made of some
strange stiff silk, which rustled softly like dry rushes
and grasses in the autumn, a rustling noise
that carries a chill with it. She came close
to me, a sorrowful little figure very dreary at heart,
standing still as the flowers themselves; and for several
minutes she did not speak, but watched me, until I
began to be afraid of her. Then she held out
her hand, which trembled as if it were trying to shake
off its rings. “My dear,” said she
“I bid you welcome: I have known your father.
I was told of your coming. Perhaps you will walk
with me? I did not think to find you here alone.”
There was a fascinating sweetness in Madam’s
voice, and I at once turned to walk beside her, holding
her hand fast, and keeping pace with her feeble steps.
“Then you are not afraid of me?” asked
the old lady, with a strange quiver in her voice.
“It is a long time since I have seen a child.” “No,”
said I, “I am not afraid of you. I was frightened
before I saw you, because I was all alone, and I wished
I could see my father and mother;” and I hung
my head so that my new friend could not see the tears
in my eyes, for she watched me curiously. “All
alone: that is like me,” said she to herself.
“All alone? a child is not all alone, but there
is no one like me. I am something alone:
there is nothing else of my fashion, a creature who
lives forever!” and Lady Ferry sighed pitifully.
Did she mean that she never was going to die like
other people? But she was silent, and I did not
dare to ask for any explanation as we walked back
and forward. Her fingers kept moving round my
wrist, smoothing it as if she liked to feel it, and
to keep my hand in hers. It seemed to give her
pleasure to have me with her, and I felt quite at
my ease presently, and began to talk a little, assuring
her that I did not mind having taken the journey of
that day. I had taken some long journeys:
I had been to China once, and it took a great while
to get there; but London was the nicest place I had
ever seen; had Lady Ferry ever been in London?
And I was surprised to hear her say drearily that
she had been in London; she had been everywhere.
“Did you go to Westminster Abbey?”
I asked, going on with the conversation childishly.
“And did you see where Queen Elizabeth and Mary
Queen of Scots are buried? Mamma had told me all
about them.”
“Buried, did you say? Are
they dead too?” asked Madam eagerly. “Yes,
indeed!” said I: “they have been dead
a long time.” “Ah! I had
forgotten,” answered my strange companion.
“Do you know of any one else who has died beside
them? I have not heard of any one’s dying
and going home for so long! Once every one died
but me except some young people; and I
do not know them.” “Why, every
one must die,” said I wonderingly. “There
is a funeral somewhere every day, I suppose.” “Every
one but me,” Madam repeated sadly, “every
one but me, and I am alone.”
Just now cousin Agnes came to the
door, and called me. “Go in now, child,”
said Lady Ferry. “You may come and sit with
me to-morrow if you choose.” And I said
good-night, while she turned, and went down the walk
with feeble, lingering steps. She paced to and
fro, as I often saw her afterwards, on the flag-stones;
and some bats flew that way like ragged bits of darkness,
holding somehow a spark of life. I watched her
for a minute: she was like a ghost, I thought,
but not a fearful ghost, poor Lady Ferry!
“Have you had a pleasant walk?”
asked cousin Matthew politely. “To-morrow
I will give you a border for your own, and some plants
for it, if you like gardening.” I joyfully
answered that I should like it very much, and so I
began to feel already the pleasure of being in a real
home, after the wandering life to which I had become
used. I went close to cousin Agnes’s chair
to tell her confidentially that I had been walking
with Madam in the garden, and she was very good to
me, and asked me to come to sit with her the next
day; but she said very odd things.
“You must not mind what she
says,” said cousin Agnes; “and I would
never dispute with her, or even seem surprised, if
I were you. It hurts and annoys her, and she
soon forgets her strange fancies. I think you
seem a very sensible little girl, and I have told you
about this poor friend of ours as if you were older.
But you understand, do you not?” And then she
kissed me good-night, and I went up stairs, contented
with her assurance that she would come to me before
I went to sleep.
I found a pleasant-faced young girl
busy putting away some of my clothing. I had
seen her just after supper, and had fancied her very
much, partly because she was not so old as the rest
of the servants. We were friendly at once, and
I found her very talkative; so finally I asked the
question which was uppermost in my mind, Did
she know any thing about Madam?
“Lady Ferry, folks call her,”
said Martha, much interested. “I never
have seen her close to, only from the other side of
the garden, where she walks at night. She never
goes out by day. Deborah waits upon her.
I haven’t been here long; but I have always heard
about Madam, bless you! Folks tell all kinds
of strange stories. She’s fearful old, and
there’s many believes she never will die; and
where she came from nobody knows. I’ve
heard that her folks used to live here; but nobody
can remember them, and she used to wander about; and
once before she was here, a good while
ago; but this last time she come was nine years ago;
one stormy night she came across the ferry, and scared
them to death, looking in at the window like a ghost.
She said she used to live here in Colonel Haverford’s
time. They saw she wasn’t right in her
head the ferry-men did. But she came
up to the house, and they let her in, and she went
straight to the rooms in the north gable, and she
never has gone away; it was in an awful storm she come,
I’ve heard, and she looked just the same as
she does now. There! I can’t tell
half the stories I’ve heard, and Deborah she
most took my head off,” said Martha, “because,
when I first came, I was asking about her; and she
said it was a sin to gossip about a harmless old creature
whose mind was broke, but I guess most everybody thinks
there’s something mysterious. There’s
my grandmother grandmother her mind is
failing her; but she never had such ways! And
then those clothes that my lady in the gable wears:
they’re unearthly looking; and I heard a woman
say once, that they come out of a chest in the big
garret, and they belonged to a Mistress Haverford
who was hung for a witch, but there’s no knowing
that there is any truth in it.” And Martha
would have gone on with her stories, if just then
we had not heard cousin Agnes’s step on the
stairway, and I hurried into bed.
But my bright eyes and excited look
betrayed me. Cousin Agnes said she had hoped
I would be asleep. And Martha said perhaps it
was her fault; but I seemed wakeful, and she had talked
with me a bit, to keep my spirits up, coming to a
new, strange place. The apology was accepted,
but Martha evidently had orders before I next saw her;
for I never could get her to discuss Lady Ferry again;
and she carefully told me that she should not have
told those foolish stories, which were not true:
but I knew that she still had her thoughts and suspicions
as well as I. Once, when I asked her if Lady Ferry
were Madam’s real name, she answered with a
guilty flush, “That’s what the folks hereabout
called her, because they didn’t know any other
at first.” And this to me was another mystery.
It was strongly impressed upon my mind that I must
ask no questions, and that Madam was not to be discussed.
No one distinctly forbade this; but I felt that it
would not do. In every other way I was sure that
I was allowed perfect liberty, so I soon ceased to
puzzle myself or other people, and accepted Madam’s
presence as being perfectly explainable and natural, just
as the rest of the household did, except
once in a while something would set me at work romancing
and wondering; and I read some stories in one of the
books in the library, of Peter Rugg the
missing man, whom one may always meet riding from Salem
to Boston in every storm, and of the Flying Dutchman
and the Wandering Jew, and some terrible German stories
of doomed people, and curses that were fulfilled.
These made a great impression upon me; still I was
not afraid, for all such things were far outside the
boundaries of my safe little world; and I played by
myself along the shore of the river and in the garden;
and I had my lessons with cousin Agnes, and drives
with cousin Matthew who was nearly always silent,
but very kind to me. The house itself was an
unfailing entertainment, with its many rooms, most
of which were never occupied, and its quaint, sober
furnishings, some of which were as old as the house
itself. It was like a story-book; and no one
minded my going where I pleased.
I missed my father and mother; but
the only time I was really unhappy was the first morning
after my arrival. Cousin Agnes was ill with a
severe headache; cousin Matthew had ridden away to
attend to some business; and, being left to myself,
I had a most decided re-action from my unnaturally
bright feelings of the day before. I began to
write a letter to my mother; but unluckily I knew how
many weeks must pass before she saw it, and it was
useless to try to go on. I was lonely and homesick.
The rain fell heavily, and the garden looked forlorn,
and so unlike the enchanting moonlighted place where
I had been in the evening! The walks were like
little canals; and the rose-bushes looked wet and
chilly, like some gay young lady who had been caught
in the rain in party-dress. It was low-tide in
the middle of the day, and the river-flats looked
dismal. I fed cousin Agnes’ flock of tame
sparrows which came around the windows, and afterward
some robins. I found some books and some candy
which had come in my trunk, but my heart was very
sad; and just after noon I was overjoyed when one
of the servants told me that cousin Agnes would like
to have me come to her room.
She was even kinder to me than she
had been the night before; but she looked very ill,
and at first I felt awkward, and did not know what
to say. “I am afraid you have been very
dull, dearie,” said she, reaching out her hand
to me. “I am sorry, and my headache hardly
lets me think at all yet. But we will have better
times to-morrow both of us. You must
ask for what you want; and you may come and spend this
evening with me, for I shall be getting well then.
It does me good to see your kind little face.
Suppose you make Madam a call this afternoon.
She told me last night that she wished for you, and
I was so glad. Deborah will show you the way.”
Deborah talked to me softly, out of
deference to her mistress’s headache, as we
went along the crooked passages. “Don’t
you mind what Madam says, leastways don’t you
dispute her. She’s got a funeral going
on to-day;” and the grave woman smiled grimly
at me. “It’s curious she’s
taken to you so; for she never will see any strange
folks. Nobody speaks to her about new folks lately,”
she added warningly, as she tapped at the door, and
Madam asked, “Is it the child?” And Deborah
lifted the latch. When I was fairly inside, my
interest in life came back redoubled, and I was no
longer sad, but looked round eagerly. Madam spoke
to me, with her sweet old voice, in her courtly, quiet
way, and stood looking out of the window.
There were two tall chests of drawers
in the room, with shining brass handles and ornaments;
and at one side, near the door, was a heavy mahogany
table, on which I saw a large leather-covered Bible,
a decanter of wine and some glasses, beside some cakes
in a queer old tray. And there was no other furniture
but a great number of chairs which seemed to have
been collected from different parts of the house.
With these the room was almost filled,
except an open space in the centre, toward which they
all faced. One window was darkened; but Madam
had pushed back the shutter of the other, and stood
looking down at the garden. I waited for her
to speak again after the first salutation, and presently
she said I might be seated; and I took the nearest
chair, and again waited her pleasure. It was gloomy
enough, with the silence and the twilight in the room;
and the rain and wind out of doors sounded louder
than they had in cousin Agnes’s room; but soon
Lady Ferry came toward me.
“So you did not forget the old
woman,” said she, with a strange emphasis on
the word old, as if that were her title and her chief
characteristic. “And were not you afraid?
I am glad it seemed worth while; for to-morrow would
have been too late. You may like to remember
by and by that you came. And my funeral is to
be to-morrow, at last. You see the room is in
readiness. You will care to be here, I hope.
I would have ordered you some gloves if I had known;
but these are all too large for your little hands.
You shall have a ring; I will leave a command for
that;” and Madam seated herself near me in a
curious, high-backed chair. She was dressed that
day in a maroon brocade, figured with bunches of dim
pink flowers; and some of these flowers looked to
me like wicked little faces. It was a mocking,
silly creature that I saw at the side of every prim
bouquet, and I looked at the faded little imps, until
they seemed as much alive as Lady Ferry herself.
Her head nodded continually, as if
it were keeping time to an inaudible tune, as she
sat there stiffly erect. Her skin was pale and
withered; and her cheeks were wrinkled in fine lines,
like the crossings of a cobweb. Her eyes might
once have been blue; but they had become nearly colorless,
and, looking at her, one might easily imagine that
she was blind. She had a singularly sweet smile,
and a musical voice, which, though sad, had no trace
of whining. If it had not been for her smile
and her voice, I think madam would have been a terror
to me. I noticed to-day, for the first time, a
curious fragrance, which seemed to come from her old
brocades and silks. It was very sweet, but unlike
any thing I had ever known before; and it was by reason
of this that afterward I often knew, with a little
flutter at my heart, she had been in some other rooms
of the great house beside her own. This perfume
seemed to linger for a little while wherever she had
been, and yet it was so faint! I used to go into
the darkened chambers often, or even stay for a while
by myself in the unoccupied lower rooms, and I would
find this fragrance, and wonder if she were one of
the oldtime fairies, who could vanish at their own
will and pleasure, and wonder, too, why she had come
to the room. But I never met her at all.
That first visit to her and the strange
fancy she had about the funeral I have always remembered
distinctly.
“I am glad you came,”
Madam repeated: “I was finding the day long.
I am all ready, you see. I shall place a little
chair which is in the next room, beside your cousin’s
seat for you. Mrs. Agnes is ill, I hear; but
I think she will come to-morrow. Have you heard
any one say if many guests are expected?” “No,
Madam,” I answered, “no one has told me;”
and just then the thought flitted through my head that
she had said the evening before that all her friends
were gone. Perhaps she expected their ghosts:
that would not be stranger than all the rest.
The open space where Lady Ferry had
left room for her coffin began to be a horror to me,
and I wished Deborah would come back, or that my hostess
would open the shutters; and it was a great relief
when she rose and went into the adjoining room, bidding
me follow her, and there opened a drawer containing
some old jewelry; there were also some queer Chinese
carvings, yellow with age, just the things
a child would enjoy. I looked at them delightedly.
This was coming back to more familiar life; and I
soon felt more at ease, and chattered to Lady Ferry
of my own possessions, and some coveted treasures of
my mother’s, which were to be mine when I grew
older.
Madam stood beside me patiently, and
listened with a half smile to my whispered admiration.
In the clearer light I could see her better, and she
seemed older, so old, so old! and my father’s
words came to me again. She had not changed since
he was a boy; living on and on, and the ‘horror
of an endless life in this world!’ And I remembered
what Martha had said to me, and the consciousness
of this mystery was a great weight upon me of a sudden.
Why was she living so long? and what had happened
to her? and how long could it be since she was a child?
There was something in her manner
which made me behave, even in my pleasure, as if her
imagined funeral were there in reality, and as if,
in spite of my being amused and tearless, the solemn
company of funeral guests already sat in the next
room to us with bowed heads, and all the shadows in
the world had assembled there materialized into the
tangible form of crape. I opened and closed the
boxes gently, and, when I had seen every thing, I
looked up with a sigh to think that such a pleasure
was ended, and asked if I might see them again some
day. But the look in her face made me recollect
myself, and my own grew crimson, for it seemed at
that moment as real to me as to Lady Ferry herself
that this was her last day of mortal life. She
walked away, but presently came back, while I was
wondering if I might not go, and opened the drawer
again. It creaked, and the brass handles clacked
in a startling way, and she took out a little case,
and said I might keep it to remember her by.
It held a little vinaigrette, a tiny silver
box with a gold one inside, in which I found a bit
of fine sponge, dark brown with age, and still giving
a faint, musty perfume and spiciness. The outside
was rudely chased, and was worn as if it had been
carried for years in somebody’s pocket.
It had a spring, the secret of which Lady Ferry showed
me. I was delighted, and instinctively lifted
my face to kiss her. She bent over me, and waited
an instant for me to kiss her again. “Oh!”
said she softly, “it is so long since a child
has kissed me! I pray God not to leave you lingering
like me, apart from all your kindred, and your life
so long that you forget you ever were a child.” “I
will kiss you every day,” said I, and then again
remembered that there were to be no more days according
to her plan; but she did not seem to notice my mistake.
And after this I used to go to see Madam often.
For a time there was always the same gloom and hushed
way of speaking, and the funeral services were to
be on the morrow; but at last one day I found Deborah
sedately putting the room in order, and Lady Ferry
apologized for its being in such confusion; the idea
of the funeral had utterly vanished, and I hurried
to tell cousin Agnes with great satisfaction.
I think that both she and cousin Matthew had a dislike
for my being too much with Madam. I was kept
out of doors as much as possible because it was much
better for my health; and through the long summer days
I strayed about wherever I chose. The country
life was new and delightful to me. At home, Lady
Ferry’s vagaries were carelessly spoken of, and
often smiled at; but I gained the idea that they disguised
the truth, and were afraid of my being frightened.
She often talked about persons who had been dead a
very long time, familiar characters in history,
and, though cousin Agnes had said that she used to
be fond of reading, it seemed to me that Madam might
have known these men and women after all.
Once a middle-aged gentleman, an acquaintance
of cousin Matthew’s, came to pass a day and
night at the ferry, and something happened then which
seemed wonderful to me. It was early in the evening
after tea, and we were in the parlor; from my seat
by cousin Agnes I could look out into the garden,
and presently, with the gathering darkness, came Lady
Ferry, silent as a shadow herself, to walk to and fro
on the flagstones. The windows were all open,
and the guest had a clear, loud voice, and pleasant,
hearty laugh; and, as he talked earnestly with cousin
Matthew, I noticed that Lady Ferry stood still, as
if she were listening. Then I was attracted by
some story which was being told, and forgot her, but
afterward turned with a start, feeling that there
was some one watching; and, to my astonishment, Madam
had come to the long window by which one went out
to the garden. She stood there a moment, looking
puzzled and wild; then she smiled, and, entering,
walked in most stately fashion down the long room,
toward the gentlemen, before whom she courtesied with
great elegance, while the stranger stopped speaking,
and looked at her with amazement, as he rose, and
returned her greeting.
“My dear Captain Jack McAllister!”
said she; “what a surprise! and are you not
home soon from your voyage? This is indeed a pleasure.”
And Lady Ferry seated herself, motioning to him to
take the chair beside her. She looked younger
than I had ever seen her; a bright color came into
her cheeks; and she talked so gayly, in such a different
manner from her usual mournful gentleness. She
must have been a beautiful woman; indeed she was that
still.
“And did the good ship Starlight
make a prosperous voyage? and had you many perils? do
you bring much news to us from the Spanish Main?
We have missed you sadly at the assemblies; but there
must be a dance in your honor. And your wife;
is she not overjoyed at the sight of you? I think
you have grown old and sedate since you went away.
You do not look the gay sailor, or seem so light-hearted.”
“I do not understand you, madam,”
said the stranger. “I am certainly John
McAllister; but I am no captain, neither have I been
at sea. Good God! is it my grandfather whom you
confuse me with?” cried he. “He was
Jack McAllister, and was lost at sea more than seventy
years ago, while my own father was a baby. I
am told that I am wonderfully like his portrait; but
he was a younger man than I when he died. This
is some masquerade.”
Lady Ferry looked at him intently,
but the light in her face was fast fading out.
“Lost at sea, lost at sea, were you,
Jack McAllister, seventy years ago? I know nothing
of years; one of my days is like another, and they
are gray days, they creep away and hide, and sometimes
one comes back to mock me. I have lived a thousand
years; do you know it? Lost at sea captain
of the ship Starlight? Whom did you say? Jack
McAllister, yes, I knew him well pardon
me; good-evening;” and my lady rose, and with
her head nodding and drooping, with a sorrowful, hunted
look in her eyes, went out again into the shadows.
She had had a flash of youth, the candle had blazed
up brilliantly; but it went out again as suddenly,
with flickering and smoke.
“I was startled when I saw her
beside me,” said Mr. McAllister. “Pray,
who is she? she is like no one I have ever seen.
I have been told that I am like my grandfather in
looks and in voice; but it is years since I have seen
any one who knew him well. And did you hear her
speak of dancing? It is like seeing one who has
risen from the dead. How old can she be?” “I
do not know,” said cousin Matthew, “one
can only guess at her age.” “Would
not she come back? I should like to question
her,” asked the other. But cousin Matthew
answered that she always refused to see strangers,
and it would be no use to urge her, she would not
answer him.
“Who is she? Is she any
kin of yours?” asked Mr. McAllister.
“Oh, no!” said my cousin
Agnes: “she has had no relatives since I
have known her, and I think she has no friends now
but ourselves. She has been with us a long time,
and once before this house was her home for a time, many
years since. I suppose no one will ever know the
whole history of her life; I wish often that she had
power to tell it. We are glad to give shelter,
and the little care she will accept, to the poor soul,
God only knows where she has strayed and what she has
seen. It is an enormous burden, so
long a life, and such a weight of memories; but I
think it is seldom now that she feels its heaviness. Go
out to her, Marcia my dear, and see if she seems troubled.
She always has a welcome for the child,” cousin
Agnes added, as I unwillingly went away.
I found Lady Ferry in the garden;
I stole my hand into hers, and, after a few minutes
of silence, I was not surprised to hear her say that
they had killed the Queen of France, poor Marie Antoinette!
she had known her well in her childhood, before she
was a queen at all “a sad fate, a
sad fate,” said Lady Ferry. We went far
down the gardens and by the river-wall, and when we
were again near the house, and could hear Mr. McAllister’s
voice as cheery as ever, madam took no notice of it.
I had hoped she would go into the parlor again, and
I wished over and over that I could have waited to
hear the secrets which I was sure must have been told
after cousin Agnes had sent me away.
One day I thought I had made a wonderful
discovery. I was fond of reading, and found many
books which interested me in cousin Matthew’s
fine library; but I took great pleasure also in hunting
through a collection of old volumes which had been
cast aside, either by him, or by some former owner
of the house, and which were piled in a corner of
the great garret. They were mostly yellow with
age, and had dark brown leather or shabby paper bindings;
the pictures in some were very amusing to me.
I used often to find one which I appropriated and
carried down stairs; and on this day I came upon a
dusty, odd-shaped little book, for which I at once
felt an affection. I looked at it a little.
It seemed to be a journal, there were some stories
of the Indians, and next I saw some reminiscences
of the town of Boston, where, among other things,
the author was told the marvellous story of one Mistress
Honor Warburton, who was cursed, and doomed to live
in this world forever. This was startling.
I at once thought of Madam, and was reading on further
to know the rest of the story, when some one called
me, and I foolishly did not dare to carry my book with
me. I was afraid I should not find it if I left
it in sight; I saw an opening near me at the edge
of the floor by the eaves, and I carefully laid my
treasure inside. But, alas! I was not to
be sure of its safe hiding-place in a way that I fancied,
for the book fell down between the boarding of the
thick walls, and I heard it knock as it fell, and
knew by the sound that it must be out of reach.
I grieved over this loss for a long time; and I felt
that it had been most unkindly taken out of my hand.
I wished heartily that I could know the rest of the
story; and I tried to summon courage to ask Madam,
when we were by ourselves, if she had heard of Honor
Warburton, but something held me back. There
were two other events just at this time which made
this strange old friend of mine seem stranger than
ever to me. I had a dream one night, which I
took for a vision and a reality at the time.
I thought I looked out of my window in the night, and
there was bright moonlight, and I could see the other
gable plainly; and I looked in at the windows of an
unoccupied parlor which I never had seen open before,
under Lady Ferry’s own rooms. The shutters
were pushed back, and there were candles burning;
and I heard voices, and presently some tinkling music,
like that of a harpsichord I had once heard in a very
old house where I had been in England with my mother.
I saw several couples go through with a slow, stately
dance; and, when they stopped and seated themselves,
I could hear their voices; but they spoke low, these
midnight guests. I watched until the door was
opened which led into the garden, and the company
came out and stood for a few minutes on the little
lawn, making their adieus, bowing low, and behaving
with astonishing courtesy and elegance: finally
the last good-nights were said, and they went away.
Lady Ferry stood under the pointed porch, looking
after them, and I could see her plainly in her brocade
gown, with the impish flowers, a tall quaint cap,
and a high lace frill at her throat, whiter than any
lace I had ever seen, with a glitter on it; and there
was a glitter on her face too. One of the other
ladies was dressed in velvet, and I thought she looked
beautiful: their eyes were all like sparks of
fire. The gentlemen wore cloaks and ruffs, and
high-peaked hats with wide brims, such as I had seen
in some very old pictures which hung on the walls
of the long west room. These were not pilgrims
or Puritans, but gay gentlemen; and soon I heard the
noise of their boats on the pebbles as they pushed
off shore, and the splash of the oars in the water.
Lady Ferry waved her hand, and went in at the door;
and I found myself standing by the window in the chilly,
cloudy night: the opposite gable, the garden,
and the river, were indistinguishable in the darkness.
I stole back to bed in an agony of fear; for it had
been very real, that dream. I surely was at the
window, for my hand had been on the sill when I waked;
and I heard a church-bell ring two o’clock in
a town far up the river. I never had heard this
solemn bell before, and it seemed frightful; but I
knew afterward that in the silence of a misty night
the sound of it came down along the water.
In the morning I found that there
had been a gale in the night; and cousin Matthew said
at breakfast time that the tide had risen so that
it had carried off two old boats that had been left
on the shore to go to pieces. I sprang to the
window, and sure enough they had disappeared.
I had played in one of them the day before. Should
I tell cousin Matthew what I had seen or dreamed?
But I was too sure that he would only laugh at me;
and yet I was none the less sure that those boats
had carried passengers.
When I went out to the garden, I hurried
to the porch, and saw, to my disappointment, that
there were great spiders’ webs in the corners
of the door, and around the latch, and that it had
not been opened since I was there before. But
I saw something shining in the grass, and found it
was a silver knee-buckle. It must have belonged
to one of the ghostly guests, and my faith in them
came back for a while, in spite of the cobwebs.
By and by I bravely carried it up to Madam, and asked
if it were hers. Sometimes she would not answer
for a long time, when one rudely broke in upon her
reveries, and she hesitated now, looking at me with
singular earnestness. Deborah was in the room;
and, when she saw the buckle, she quietly said that
it had been on the window-ledge the day before, and
must have slipped out. “I found it down
by the doorstep in the grass,” said I humbly;
and then I offered Lady Ferry some strawberries which
I had picked for her on a broad green leaf, and came
away again.
A day or two after this, while my
dream was still fresh in my mind, I went with Martha
to her own home, which was a mile or two distant, a
comfortable farmhouse for those days, where I was always
made welcome. The servants were all very kind
to me: as I recall it now, they seemed to have
a pity for me, because I was the only child perhaps.
I was very happy, that is certain, and I enjoyed my
childish amusements as heartily as if there were no
unfathomable mysteries or perplexities or sorrows
anywhere in the world.
I was sitting by the fireplace at
Martha’s, and her grandmother, who was very
old, and who was fast losing her wits, had been talking
to me about Madam. I do not remember what she
said, at least, it made little impression; but her
grandson, a worthless fellow, sauntered in, and began
to tell a story of his own, hearing of whom we spoke.
“I was coming home late last night,” said
he, “and, as I was in that dark place along
by the Noroway pines, old Lady Ferry she went by me,
and I was near scared to death. She looked fearful
tall towered way up above me. Her
face was all lit up with blue light, and her feet didn’t
touch the ground. She wasn’t taking steps,
she wasn’t walking, but movin’ along like
a sail-boat before the wind. I dodged behind some
little birches, and I was scared she’d see me;
but she went right out o’ sight up the road.
She ain’t mortal.”
“Don’t scare the child
with such foolishness,” said his aunt disdainfully.
“You’ll be seein’ worse things a-dancin’
before your eyes than that poor, harmless old creatur’
if you don’t quit the ways you’ve been
following lately. If that was last night, you
were too drunk to see any thing;” and the fellow
muttered, and went out, banging the door. But
the story had been told, and I was stiffened and chilled
with fright; and all the way home I was in terror,
looking fearfully behind me again and again.
When I saw cousin Agnes, I felt safer,
and since cousin Matthew was not at home, and we were
alone, I could not resist telling her what I had heard.
She listened to me kindly, and seemed so confident
that my story was idle nonsense, that my fears were
quieted. She talked to me until I no longer was
a believer in there being any unhappy mystery or harmfulness;
but I could not get over the fright, and I dreaded
my lonely room, and I was glad enough when cousin
Agnes, with her unfailing thoughtfulness, asked if
I would like to have her come to sleep with me, and
even went up stairs with me at my own early bedtime,
saying that she should find it dull to sit all alone
in the parlor. So I went to sleep, thinking of
what I had heard, it is true, but no longer unhappy,
because her dear arm was over me, and I was perfectly
safe. I waked up for a little while in the night,
and it was light in the room, so that I could see
her face, fearless and sweet and sad, and I wondered,
in my blessed sense of security, if she were ever
afraid of any thing, and why I myself had been afraid
of Lady Ferry.
I will not tell other stories:
they are much alike, all my memories of those weeks
and months at the ferry, and I have no wish to be
wearisome. The last time I saw Madam she was standing
in the garden door at dusk. I was going away
before daylight in the morning. It was in the
autumn: some dry leaves flittered about on the
stone at her feet, and she was watching them.
I said good-by again, and she did not answer me; but
I think she knew I was going away, and I am sure she
was sorry, for we had been a great deal together; and,
child as I was, I thought to how many friends she
must have had to say farewell.
Although I wished to see my father
and mother, I cried as if my heart would break because
I had to leave the ferry. The time spent there
had been the happiest time of all my life, I think.
I was old enough to enjoy, but not to suffer much,
and there was singularly little to trouble one.
I did not know that my life was ever to be different.
I have learned, since those childish days, that one
must battle against storms if one would reach the
calm which is to follow them. I have learned
also that anxiety, sorrow, and regret fall to the lot
of every one, and that there is always underlying
our lives, this mysterious and frightful element of
existence; an uncertainty at times, though we do trust
every thing to God. Under the best-loved and most
beautiful face we know, there is hidden a skull as
ghastly as that from which we turn aside with a shudder
in the anatomist’s cabinet. We smile, and
are gay enough; God pity us! We try to forget
our heart-aches and remorse. We even call our
lives commonplace, and, bearing our own heaviest burdens
silently, we try to keep the commandment, and to bear
one another’s also. There is One who knows:
we look forward, as he means we shall, and there is
always a hand ready to help us, though we reach out
for it doubtfully in the dark.
For many years after this summer was
over, I lived in a distant, foreign country; at last
my father and I were to go back to America. Cousin
Agnes and cousin Matthew, and my mother, were all long
since dead, and I rarely thought of my childhood,
for in an eventful and hurried life the present claims
one almost wholly. We were travelling in Europe,
and it happened that one day I was in a bookshop in
Amsterdam, waiting for an acquaintance whom I was to
meet, and who was behind time.
The shop was a quaint place, and I
amused myself by looking over an armful of old English
books which a boy had thrown down near me, raising
a cloud of dust which was plain evidence of their antiquity.
I came to one, almost the last, which had a strangely
familiar look, and I found that it was a copy of the
same book which I had lost in the wall at the ferry.
I bought it for a few coppers with the greatest satisfaction,
and began at once to read it. It had been published
in England early in the eighteenth century, and was
written by one Mr. Thomas Highward of Chester, a
journal of his travels among some of the English colonists
of North America, containing much curious and desirable
knowledge, with some useful advice to those persons
having intentions of emigrating. I looked at
the prosy pages here and there, and finally found
again those reminiscences of the town of Boston and
the story of Mistress Honor Warburton, who was cursed,
and doomed to live in this world to the end of time.
She had lately been in Boston, but had disappeared
again; she endeavored to disguise herself, and would
not stay long in one place if she feared that her story
was known, and that she was recognized. One Mr.
Fleming, a man of good standing and repute, and an
officer of Her Majesty Queen Anne, had sworn to Mr.
Thomas Highward that his father, a person of great
age, had once seen Mistress Warburton in his youth;
that she then bore another name, but had the same
appearance. “Not wishing to seem unduly
credulous,” said Mr. Highward, “I disputed
this tale; but there was some considerable evidence
in its favour, and at least this woman was of vast
age, and was spoken of with extreme wonder by the town’s
folk.”
I could not help thinking of my old
childish suspicions of Lady Ferry, though I smiled
at the folly of them and of this story more than once.
I tried to remember if I had heard of her death; but
I was still a child when my cousin Agnes had died.
Had poor Lady Ferry survived her? and what could have
become of her? I asked my father, but he could
remember nothing, if indeed he ever had heard of her
death at all. He spoke of our cousins’
kindness to this forlorn soul, and that, learning
her desolation and her piteous history (and being the
more pitiful because of her shattered mind), when
she had last wandered to their door, they had cared
for the old gentlewoman to the end of her days “for
I do not think she can be living yet,” said my
father, with a merry twinkle in his eyes: “she
must have been nearly a hundred years old when you
saw her. She belonged to a fine old family which
had gone to wreck and ruin. She strayed about
for years, and it was a godsend to her to have found
such a home in her last days.”
That same summer we reached America,
and for the first time since I had left it I went
to the ferry. The house was still imposing, the
prestige of the Haverford grandeur still lingered;
but it looked forlorn and uncared for. It seemed
very familiar; but the months I had spent there were
so long ago, that they seemed almost to belong to
another life. I sat alone on the doorstep for
a long time, where I used often to watch for Lady
Ferry; and forgotten thoughts and dreams of my childhood
came back to me. The river was the only thing
that seemed as young as ever. I looked in at
some of the windows where the shutters were pushed
back, and I walked about the garden, where I could
hardly trace the walks, all overgrown with thick, short
grass, though there were a few ragged lines of box,
and some old rose-bushes; and I saw the very last
of the flowers, a bright red poppy, which
had bloomed under a lilac-tree among the weeds.
Out beyond the garden, on a slope
by the river, I saw the family burying-ground, and
it was with a comfortable warmth at my heart that
I stood inside the familiar old enclosure. There
was my Lady Ferry’s grave; there could be no
mistake about it, and she was dead. I smiled
at my satisfaction and at my foolish childish thoughts,
and thanked God that there could be no truth in them,
and that death comes surely, say, rather,
that the better life comes surely, though
it comes late.
The sad-looking, yellow-topped cypress,
which only seems to feel quite at home in country
burying-grounds, had kindly spread itself like a coverlet
over the grave, which already looked like a very old
grave; and the headstone was leaning a little, not
to be out of the fashion of the rest. I traced
again the words of old Colonel Haverford’s pompous
epitaph, and idly read some others. I remembered
the old days so vividly there; I thought of my cousin
Agnes, and wished that I could see her; and at last,
as the daylight faded, I came away. When I crossed
the river, the ferry-man looked at me wonderingly,
for my eyes were filled with tears. Although
we were in shadow on the water, the last red glow
of the sun blazed on the high gable-windows, just as
it did the first time I crossed over, only
a child then, with my life before me.
I asked the ferry-man some questions,
but he could tell me nothing; he was a new-comer to
that part of the country. He was sorry that the
boat was not in better order; but there were almost
never any passengers. The great house was out
of repair: people would not live there, for they
said it was haunted. Oh, yes! he had heard of
Lady Ferry. She had lived to be very ancient;
but she was dead.
“Yes,” said I, “she is dead.”