Fern Mullins rushed into the
house on a Saturday morning early in September and
shrieked at Carol, “School starts next Tuesday.
I’ve got to have one more spree before I’m
arrested. Let’s get up a picnic down the
lake for this afternoon. Won’t you come,
Mrs. Kennicott, and the doctor? Cy Bogart wants
to go — he’s a brat but he’s lively.”
“I don’t think the doctor
can go,” sedately. “He said something
about having to make a country call this afternoon.
But I’d love to.”
“That’s dandy! Who can we get?”
“Mrs. Dyer might be chaperon.
She’s been so nice. And maybe Dave, if he
could get away from the store.”
“How about Erik Valborg?
I think he’s got lots more style than these
town boys. You like him all right, don’t
you?”
So the picnic of Carol, Fern, Erik,
Cy Bogart, and the Dyers was not only moral but inevitable.
They drove to the birch grove on the
south shore of Lake Minniemashie. Dave Dyer was
his most clownish self. He yelped, jigged, wore
Carol’s hat, dropped an ant down Fern’s
back, and when they went swimming (the women modestly
changing in the car with the side curtains up, the
men undressing behind the bushes, constantly repeating,
“Gee, hope we don’t run into poison ivy"),
Dave splashed water on them and dived to clutch his
wife’s ankle. He infected the others.
Erik gave an imitation of the Greek dancers he had
seen in vaudeville, and when they sat down to picnic
supper spread on a lap-robe on the grass, Cy climbed
a tree to throw acorns at them.
But Carol could not frolic.
She had made herself young, with parted
hair, sailor blouse and large blue bow, white canvas
shoes and short linen skirt. Her mirror had asserted
that she looked exactly as she had in college, that
her throat was smooth, her collar-bone not very noticeable.
But she was under restraint. When they swam she
enjoyed the freshness of the water but she was irritated
by Cy’s tricks, by Dave’s excessive good
spirits. She admired Erik’s dance; he could
never betray bad taste, as Cy did, and Dave.
She waited for him to come to her. He did not
come. By his joyousness he had apparently endeared
himself to the Dyers. Maud watched him and, after
supper, cried to him, “Come sit down beside me,
bad boy!” Carol winced at his willingness to
be a bad boy and come and sit, at his enjoyment of
a not very stimulating game in which Maud, Dave, and
Cy snatched slices of cold tongue from one another’s
plates. Maud, it seemed, was slightly dizzy from
the swim. She remarked publicly, “Dr. Kennicott
has helped me so much by putting me on a diet,”
but it was to Erik alone that she gave the complete
version of her peculiarity in being so sensitive,
so easily hurt by the slightest cross word, that she
simply had to have nice cheery friends.
Erik was nice and cheery.
Carol assured herself, “Whatever
faults I may have, I certainly couldn’t ever
be jealous. I do like Maud; she’s always
so pleasant. But I wonder if she isn’t
just a bit fond of fishing for men’s sympathy?
Playing with Erik, and her married — Well — But
she looks at him in that languishing, swooning, mid-Victorian
way. Disgusting!”
Cy Bogart lay between the roots of
a big birch, smoking his pipe and teasing Fern, assuring
her that a week from now, when he was again a high-school
boy and she his teacher, he’d wink at her in
class. Maud Dyer wanted Erik to “come down
to the beach to see the darling little minnies.”
Carol was left to Dave, who tried to entertain her
with humorous accounts of Ella Stowbody’s fondness
for chocolate peppermints. She watched Maud Dyer
put her hand on Erik’s shoulder to steady herself.
“Disgusting!” she thought.
Cy Bogart covered Fern’s nervous
hand with his red paw, and when she bounced with half-anger
and shrieked, “Let go, I tell you!” he
grinned and waved his pipe — a gangling twenty-year-old
satyr.
“Disgusting!”
When Maud and Erik returned and the
grouping shifted, Erik muttered at Carol, “There’s
a boat on shore. Let’s skip off and have
a row.”
“What will they think?”
she worried. She saw Maud Dyer peer at Erik with
moist possessive eyes. “Yes! Let’s!”
she said.
She cried to the party, with the canonical
amount of sprightliness, “Good-by, everybody.
We’ll wireless you from China.”
As the rhythmic oars plopped and creaked,
as she floated on an unreality of delicate gray over
which the sunset was poured out thin, the irritation
of Cy and Maud slipped away. Erik smiled at her
proudly. She considered him — coatless,
in white thin shirt. She was conscious of his
male differentness, of his flat masculine sides, his
thin thighs, his easy rowing. They talked of
the library, of the movies. He hummed and she
softly sang “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.”
A breeze shivered across the agate lake. The
wrinkled water was like armor damascened and polished.
The breeze flowed round the boat in a chill current.
Carol drew the collar of her middy blouse over her
bare throat.
“Getting cold. Afraid we’ll have
to go back,” she said.
“Let’s not go back to
them yet. They’ll be cutting up. Let’s
keep along the shore.”
“But you enjoy the ‘cutting
up!’ Maud and you had a beautiful time.”
“Why! We just walked on
the shore and talked about fishing!”
She was relieved, and apologetic to
her friend Maud. “Of course. I was
joking.”
“I’ll tell you! Let’s
land here and sit on the shore — that bunch
of hazel-brush will shelter us from the wind — and
watch the sunset. It’s like melted lead.
Just a short while! We don’t want to go
back and listen to them!”
“No, but — ”
She said nothing while he sped ashore. The keel
clashed on the stones. He stood on the forward
seat, holding out his hand. They were alone,
in the ripple-lapping silence. She rose slowly,
slowly stepped over the water in the bottom of the
old boat. She took his hand confidently.
Unspeaking they sat on a bleached log, in a russet
twilight which hinted of autumn. Linden leaves
fluttered about them.
“I wish — Are you cold now?”
he whispered.
“A little.” She shivered. But
it was not with cold.
“I wish we could curl up in
the leaves there, covered all up, and lie looking
out at the dark.”
“I wish we could.”
As though it was comfortably understood that he did
not mean to be taken seriously.
“Like what all the poets say — brown
nymph and faun.”
“No. I can’t be a
nymph any more. Too old — Erik,
am I old? Am I faded and small-towny?”
“Why, you’re the youngest — Your
eyes are like a girl’s. They’re so — well,
I mean, like you believed everything. Even if
you do teach me, I feel a thousand years older than
you, instead of maybe a year younger.”
“Four or five years younger!”
“Anyway, your eyes are so innocent
and your cheeks so soft — Damn it,
it makes me want to cry, somehow, you’re so defenseless;
and I want to protect you and — There’s
nothing to protect you against!”
“Am I young? Am I?
Honestly? Truly?” She betrayed for a moment
the childish, mock-imploring tone that comes into
the voice of the most serious woman when an agreeable
man treats her as a girl; the childish tone and childish
pursed-up lips and shy lift of the cheek.
“Yes, you are!”
“You’re dear to believe it, Will — Erik!”
“Will you play with me? A lot?”
“Perhaps.”
“Would you really like to curl
in the leaves and watch the stars swing by overhead?”
“I think it’s rather better
to be sitting here!” He twined his fingers with
hers. “And Erik, we must go back.”
“Why?”
“It’s somewhat late to outline all the
history of social custom!”
“I know. We must. Are you glad we
ran away though?”
“Yes.” She was quiet, perfectly simple.
But she rose.
He circled her waist with a brusque
arm. She did not resist. She did not care.
He was neither a peasant tailor, a potential artist,
a social complication, nor a peril. He was himself,
and in him, in the personality flowing from him, she
was unreasoningly content. In his nearness she
caught a new view of his head; the last light brought
out the planes of his neck, his flat ruddied cheeks,
the side of his nose, the depression of his temples.
Not as coy or uneasy lovers but as companions they
walked to the boat, and he lifted her up on the prow.
She began to talk intently, as he
rowed: “Erik, you’ve got to work!
You ought to be a personage. You’re robbed
of your kingdom. Fight for it! Take one
of these correspondence courses in drawing — they
mayn’t be any good in themselves, but they’ll
make you try to draw and — ”
As they reached the picnic ground
she perceived that it was dark, that they had been
gone for a long time.
“What will they say?” she wondered.
The others greeted them with the inevitable
storm of humor and slight vexation: “Where
the deuce do you think you’ve been?” “You’re
a fine pair, you are!” Erik and Carol looked
self-conscious; failed in their effort to be witty.
All the way home Carol was embarrassed. Once Cy
winked at her. That Cy, the Peeping Tom of the
garage-loft, should consider her a fellow-sinner — She
was furious and frightened and exultant by turns,
and in all her moods certain that Kennicott would
read her adventuring in her face.
She came into the house awkwardly defiant.
Her husband, half asleep under the
lamp, greeted her, “Well, well, have nice time?”
She could not answer. He looked
at her. But his look did not sharpen. He
began to wind his watch, yawning the old “Welllllll,
guess it’s about time to turn in.”
That was all. Yet she was not
glad. She was almost disappointed.
II
Mrs. Bogart called next day.
She had a hen-like, crumb-pecking, diligent appearance.
Her smile was too innocent. The pecking started
instantly:
“Cy says you had lots of fun
at the picnic yesterday. Did you enjoy it?”
“Oh yes. I raced Cy at
swimming. He beat me badly. He’s so
strong, isn’t he!”
“Poor boy, just crazy to get
into the war, too, but — This Erik
Valborg was along, wa’n’t he?”
“Yes.”
“I think he’s an awful
handsome fellow, and they say he’s smart.
Do you like him?”
“He seems very polite.”
“Cy says you and him had a lovely
boat-ride. My, that must have been pleasant.”
“Yes, except that I couldn’t
get Mr. Valborg to say a word. I wanted to ask
him about the suit Mr. Hicks is making for my husband.
But he insisted on singing. Still, it was restful,
floating around on the water and singing. So
happy and innocent. Don’t you think it’s
a shame, Mrs. Bogart, that people in this town don’t
do more nice clean things like that, instead of all
this horrible gossiping?”
“Yes. . . . Yes.”
Mrs. Bogart sounded vacant. Her
bonnet was awry; she was incomparably dowdy.
Carol stared at her, felt contemptuous, ready at last
to rebel against the trap, and as the rusty goodwife
fished again, “Plannin’ some more picnics?”
she flung out, “I haven’t the slightest
idea! Oh. Is that Hugh crying? I must
run up to him.”
But up-stairs she remembered that
Mrs. Bogart had seen her walking with Erik from the
railroad track into town, and she was chilly with
disquietude.
At the Jolly Seventeen, two days after,
she was effusive to Maud Dyer, to Juanita Haydock.
She fancied that every one was watching her, but she
could not be sure, and in rare strong moments she did
not care. She could rebel against the town’s
prying now that she had something, however indistinct,
for which to rebel.
In a passionate escape there must
be not only a place from which to flee but a place
to which to flee. She had known that she would
gladly leave Gopher Prairie, leave Main Street and
all that it signified, but she had had no destination.
She had one now. That destination was not Erik
Valborg and the love of Erik. She continued to
assure herself that she wasn’t in love with
him but merely “fond of him, and interested in
his success.” Yet in him she had discovered
both her need of youth and the fact that youth would
welcome her. It was not Erik to whom she must
escape, but universal and joyous youth, in class-rooms,
in studios, in offices, in meetings to protest against
Things in General. . . . But universal and joyous
youth rather resembled Erik.
All week she thought of things she
wished to say to him. High, improving things.
She began to admit that she was lonely without him.
Then she was afraid.
It was at the Baptist church supper,
a week after the picnic, that she saw him again.
She had gone with Kennicott and Aunt Bessie to the
supper, which was spread on oilcloth-covered and trestle-supported
tables in the church basement. Erik was helping
Myrtle Cass to fill coffee cups for the wait-resses.
The congregation had doffed their piety. Children
tumbled under the tables, and Deacon Pierson greeted
the women with a rolling, “Where’s Brother
Jones, sister, where’s Brother Jones? Not
going to be with us tonight? Well, you tell Sister
Perry to hand you a plate, and make ’em give
you enough oyster pie!”
Erik shared in the cheerfulness.
He laughed with Myrtle, jogged her elbow when she
was filling cups, made deep mock bows to the waitresses
as they came up for coffee. Myrtle was enchanted
by his humor. From the other end of the room,
a matron among matrons, Carol observed Myrtle, and
hated her, and caught herself at it. “To
be jealous of a wooden-faced village girl!”
But she kept it up. She detested Erik; gloated
over his gaucheries — his “breaks,”
she called them. When he was too expressive,
too much like a Russian dancer, in saluting Deacon
Pierson, Carol had the ecstasy of pain in seeing the
deacon’s sneer. When, trying to talk to
three girls at once, he dropped a cup and effeminately
wailed, “Oh dear!” she sympathized with — and
ached over — the insulting secret glances
of the girls.
From meanly hating him she rose to
compassion as she saw that his eyes begged every one
to like him. She perceived how inaccurate her
judgments could be. At the picnic she had fancied
that Maud Dyer looked upon Erik too sentimentally,
and she had snarled, “I hate these married women
who cheapen themselves and feed on boys.”
But at the supper Maud was one of the waitresses;
she bustled with platters of cake, she was pleasant
to old women; and to Erik she gave no attention at
all. Indeed, when she had her own supper, she
joined the Kennicotts, and how ludicrous it was to
suppose that Maud was a gourmet of emotions Carol saw
in the fact that she talked not to one of the town
beaux but to the safe Kennicott himself!
When Carol glanced at Erik again she
discovered that Mrs. Bogart had an eye on her.
It was a shock to know that at last there was something
which could make her afraid of Mrs. Bogart’s
spying.
“What am I doing? Am I
in love with Erik? Unfaithful? I? I
want youth but I don’t want him — I
mean, I don’t want youth — enough to
break up my life. I must get out of this.
Quick.”
She said to Kennicott on their way
home, “Will! I want to run away for a few
days. Wouldn’t you like to skip down to
Chicago?”
“Still be pretty hot there.
No fun in a big city till winter. What do you
want to go for?”
“People! To occupy my mind. I want
stimulus.”
“Stimulus?” He spoke good-naturedly.
“Who’s been feeding you meat? You
got that ‘stimulus’ out of one of these
fool stories about wives that don’t know when
they’re well off. Stimulus! Seriously,
though, to cut out the jollying, I can’t get
away.”
“Then why don’t I run off by myself?”
“Why — ’Tisn’t
the money, you understand. But what about Hugh?”
“Leave him with Aunt Bessie. It would be
just for a few days.”
“I don’t think much of
this business of leaving kids around. Bad for
’em.”
“So you don’t think — ”
“I’ll tell you: I
think we better stay put till after the war. Then
we’ll have a dandy long trip. No, I don’t
think you better plan much about going away now.”
So she was thrown at Erik.
III
She awoke at ebb-time, at three of
the morning, woke sharply and fully; and sharply and
coldly as her father pronouncing sentence on a cruel
swindler she gave judgment:
“A pitiful and tawdry love-affair.
“No splendor, no defiance.
A self-deceived little woman whispering in corners
with a pretentious little man.
“No, he is not. He is fine.
Aspiring. It’s not his fault. His eyes
are sweet when he looks at me. Sweet, so sweet.”
She pitied herself that her romance
should be pitiful; she sighed that in this colorless
hour, to this austere self, it should seem tawdry.
Then, in a very great desire of rebellion
and unleashing of all her hatreds, “The pettier
and more tawdry it is, the more blame to Main Street.
It shows how much I’ve been longing to escape.
Any way out! Any humility so long as I can flee.
Main Street has done this to me. I came here
eager for nobilities, ready for work, and now — Any
way out.
“I came trusting them.
They beat me with rods of dullness. They don’t
know, they don’t understand how agonizing their
complacent dullness is. Like ants and August
sun on a wound.
“Tawdry! Pitiful!
Carol — the clean girl that used to walk so
fast! — sneaking and tittering in dark corners,
being sentimental and jealous at church suppers!”
At breakfast-time her agonies were
night-blurred, and persisted only as a nervous irresolution.
IV
Few of the aristocrats of the Jolly
Seventeen attended the humble folk-meets of the Baptist
and Methodist church suppers, where the Willis Woodfords,
the Dillons, the Champ Perrys, Oleson the butcher,
Brad Bemis the tinsmith, and Deacon Pierson found
release from loneliness. But all of the smart
set went to the lawn-festivals of the Episcopal Church,
and were reprovingly polite to outsiders.
The Harry Haydocks gave the last lawn-festival
of the season; a splendor of Japanese lanterns and
card-tables and chicken patties and Neapolitan ice-cream.
Erik was no longer entirely an outsider. He was
eating his ice-cream with a group of the people most
solidly “in” — the Dyers, Myrtle
Cass, Guy Pollock, the Jackson Elders. The Haydocks
themselves kept aloof, but the others tolerated him.
He would never, Carol fancied, be one of the town
pillars, because he was not orthodox in hunting and
motoring and poker. But he was winning approbation
by his liveliness, his gaiety — the qualities
least important in him.
When the group summoned Carol she
made several very well-taken points in regard to the
weather.
Myrtle cried to Erik, “Come
on! We don’t belong with these old folks.
I want to make you ’quainted with the jolliest
girl, she comes from Wakamin, she’s staying
with Mary Howland.”
Carol saw him being profuse to the
guest from Wakamin. She saw him confidentially
strolling with Myrtle. She burst out to Mrs. Westlake,
“Valborg and Myrtle seem to have quite a crush
on each other.”
Mrs. Westlake glanced at her curiously
before she mumbled, “Yes, don’t they.”
“I’m mad, to talk this way,” Carol
worried.
She had regained a feeling of social
virtue by telling Juanita Haydock “how darling
her lawn looked with the Japanese lanterns” when
she saw that Erik was stalking her. Though he
was merely ambling about with his hands in his pockets,
though he did not peep at her, she knew that he was
calling her. She sidled away from Juanita.
Erik hastened to her. She nodded coolly (she
was proud of her coolness).
“Carol! I’ve got
a wonderful chance! Don’t know but what
some ways it might be better than going East to take
art. Myrtle Cass says — I dropped
in to say howdy to Myrtle last evening, and had quite
a long talk with her father, and he said he was hunting
for a fellow to go to work in the flour mill and learn
the whole business, and maybe become general manager.
I know something about wheat from my farming, and I
worked a couple of months in the flour mill at Curlew
when I got sick of tailoring. What do you think?
You said any work was artistic if it was done by an
artist. And flour is so important. What do
you think?”
“Wait! Wait!”
This sensitive boy would be very skilfully
stamped into conformity by Lyman Cass and his sallow
daughter; but did she detest the plan for this reason?
“I must be honest. I mustn’t tamper
with his future to please my vanity.” But
she had no sure vision. She turned on him:
“How can I decide? It’s
up to you. Do you want to become a person like
Lym Cass, or do you want to become a person like — yes,
like me! Wait! Don’t be flattering.
Be honest. This is important.”
“I know. I am a person
like you now! I mean, I want to rebel.”
“Yes. We’re alike,” gravely.
“Only I’m not sure I can
put through my schemes. I really can’t draw
much. I guess I have pretty fair taste in fabrics,
but since I’ve known you I don’t like
to think about fussing with dress-designing. But
as a miller, I’d have the means — books,
piano, travel.”
“I’m going to be frank
and beastly. Don’t you realize that it isn’t
just because her papa needs a bright young man in
the mill that Myrtle is amiable to you? Can’t
you understand what she’ll do to you when she
has you, when she sends you to church and makes you
become respectable?”
He glared at her. “I don’t know.
I suppose so.”
“You are thoroughly unstable!”
“What if I am? Most fish
out of water are! Don’t talk like Mrs. Bogart!
How can I be anything but ’unstable’ — wandering
from farm to tailor shop to books, no training, nothing
but trying to make books talk to me! Probably
I’ll fail. Oh, I know it; probably I’m
uneven. But I’m not unstable in thinking
about this job in the mill — and Myrtle.
I know what I want. I want you!”
“Please, please, oh, please!”
“I do. I’m not a
schoolboy any more. I want you. If I take
Myrtle, it’s to forget you.”
“Please, please!”
“It’s you that are unstable!
You talk at things and play at things, but you’re
scared. Would I mind it if you and I went off
to poverty, and I had to dig ditches? I would
not! But you would. I think you would come
to like me, but you won’t admit it. I wouldn’t
have said this, but when you sneer at Myrtle and the
mill — If I’m not to have good
sensible things like those, d’ you think I’ll
be content with trying to become a damn dressmaker,
after you? Are you fair? Are you?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“Do you like me? Do you?”
“Yes — No! Please!
I can’t talk any more.”
“Not here. Mrs. Haydock is looking at us.”
“No, nor anywhere. O Erik, I am fond of
you, but I’m afraid.”
“What of?”
“Of Them! Of my rulers — Gopher
Prairie. . . . My dear boy, we are talking very
foolishly. I am a normal wife and a good mother,
and you are — oh, a college freshman.”
“You do like me! I’m going to make
you love me!”
She looked at him once, recklessly,
and walked away with a serene gait that was a disordered
flight.
Kennicott grumbled on their way home,
“You and this Valborg fellow seem quite chummy.”
“Oh, we are. He’s
interested in Myrtle Cass, and I was telling him how
nice she is.”
In her room she marveled, “I
have become a liar. I’m snarled with lies
and foggy analyses and desires — I who was
clear and sure.”
She hurried into Kennicott’s
room, sat on the edge of his bed. He flapped
a drowsy welcoming hand at her from the expanse of
quilt and dented pillows.
“Will, I really think I ought
to trot off to St. Paul or Chicago or some place.”
“I thought we settled all that,
few nights ago! Wait till we can have a real
trip.” He shook himself out of his drowsiness.
“You might give me a good-night kiss.”
She did — dutifully.
He held her lips against his for an intolerable time.
“Don’t you like the old man any more?”
he coaxed. He sat up and shyly fitted his palm
about the slimness of her waist.
“Of course. I like you
very much indeed.” Even to herself it sounded
flat. She longed to be able to throw into her
voice the facile passion of a light woman. She
patted his cheek.
He sighed, “I’m sorry
you’re so tired. Seems like — But
of course you aren’t very strong.”
“Yes. . . . Then you don’t
think — you’re quite sure I ought to
stay here in town?”
“I told you so! I certainly do!”
She crept back to her room, a small timorous figure
in white.
“I can’t face Will down — demand
the right. He’d be obstinate. And I
can’t even go off and earn my living again.
Out of the habit of it. He’s driving me — I’m
afraid of what he’s driving me to. Afraid.
“That man in there, snoring
in stale air, my husband? Could any ceremony
make him my husband?
“No. I don’t want
to hurt him. I want to love him. I can’t,
when I’m thinking of Erik. Am I too honest — a
funny topsy-turvy honesty — the faithfulness
of unfaith? I wish I had a more compartmental
mind, like men. I’m too monogamous — toward
Erik! — my child Erik, who needs me.
“Is an illicit affair like a
gambling debt — demands stricter honor than
the legitimate debt of matrimony, because it’s
not legally enforced?
“That’s nonsense!
I don’t care in the least for Erik! Not
for any man. I want to be let alone, in a woman
world — a world without Main Street, or politicians,
or business men, or men with that sudden beastly hungry
look, that glistening unfrank expression that wives
know —
“If Erik were here, if he would
just sit quiet and kind and talk, I could be still,
I could go to sleep.
“I am so tired. If I could sleep — ”