SCENE, Continues.

Enter Sir Harry, and Mrs. Lovejoy.

Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, all this Rhet’rick won’t prevail; whether you term it Virtue, or Pride only, I am resolv’d to keep a Fame unspotted, in spight of all temptations whatsoever.

Sir Har. A Woman’s obstinacy is no novelty; but where’s the difference ’twixt a Mistress and a Wife. Only a Mistress has a much better Air; you shall appear as gay and fine as any; strut in Brocade, and glitter in your Jewels, ’till you put all virtuous Women out o’countenance.

Mrs. Lov. Impudence, Sir Harry, is a lewd Woman’s Talent, and yet what Creature is there so much dash’d as such an one that happens among virtuous Ladies. If the Passion you profess be real, proceed with Honour, and you may be heard: Not that I speak this to increase your Vanity; Ambition only sways my Inclinations, and you must know; I have a mighty mind to be a Lady.

Sir Har. A Lady! why, my Servants shall all call you so; we’ll live together like Man and Wife, and I’ll be so Constant, and so full of Love, that ev’ry body shall believe we’re marry’d.

Mrs. Lov. Love and Constancy, Sir Harry, will plainly tell ev’ry body we are not marry’d.

Sir Har. [aside] Have her I must; but how shall I contrive it? Oh! a lucky Thought seizes me. Some Ladies after they have refus’d prodigious Settlements, tell ’em but a Secret, and they’ll grant you any thing. I’ll trump up a delicate Lie to tickle her Curiosity and serve the Collonel. Well, Madam, since you are resolv’d to cross me, I must apply my self to those more kind tho’ less agreeable, tho’ had you giv’n me but the least Encouragement to have shown my opinion of your Parts as well as Person, I had trusted you with a Story worth your Attention, tho’ ’tis a most prodigious Secret.

Mrs. Lov. A Secret! Sir Harry, positively, I will know it.

Sir Har, Then ev’ry body’ll know it for a Secret. ’Tis a thing of that dangerous Consequence, Madam, shou’d it e’er be divulg’d, I may have my Throat cut about it; and pray, what security have I either for your Fidelity, or that in return you’ll favour my Addresses.

Mrs. Lov. ’Tis well known, Sir Harry, I can keep a Secret; I have found Ladies cheat at Cards, seen Ladies steal Tea-Spoons, and have never spoke on’t; nay more, I once caught a Lady making her Husband a Cuckold, and I never discover’d it. I’ll tell you who it was, my Lady Elcebeth.

Sir. Har. Nay, Madam, you have giv’n me prodigious Proofs of your Secrecy, and I’ll disclose the Matter. Collonel Blenheim having been so intollerably us’d by Lady Rodomont is just going to be marry’d to my Lady Catterwawl, the rich Widow in the Mewse.

Mrs. Lov. Indeed!

Sir Har. The Lady has regarded him some Years, and her Woman, Mrs. Squatt, has often brought him Presents and Messages which he receiv’d but coldly, admiring Lady Rodomont; but her ill treatment makes him now resolve gratefully to marry one, who not only will advance his Fortune, but intirely Loves him.

Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, you have oblig’d me infinitely, I wou’d’nt but have known this Story for the World.

Sir Har. But when shall we be happy in each other?

Mr. Lov. I’ll give you leave to hope; when I have study’d well, what Virtue is, I’ll tell you more; but at present I must leave you, for I have a hundr’d and fifty Holes to mend in a lac’d Head just going to the Wash.

Sir Har. Not a Word o’the Secret.

Mrs. Lov. [angrily] Sir Harry, I’m no tattler, depend upon’t; ’tis lock’d up in this Breast, safe and secure as lodg’d within your own [aside]. I’m ready to burst, ’till I tell it my Lady.

Sir Har. So she’s brimful of it already. Now Exit, for my Friend to humour the design. [Exit.

Enter Lady Rodomont, and Mrs. Lovejoy.

L. Rod. Prithee, Cozen, what is’t you mean by the Collonel’s going to be marry’d? You credulous Creatures, that are ignorant of the World, believe all the stuff you hear. Or suppose him going to be marry’d; why do you trouble me with such idle Stories?

Mrs. Lov. Nay, Madam, your Ladiship need’n’t be discompos’d about the Matter, I only told it you as a piece o’news, and if it be no concern t’you, you may soon forget it.

L. Rod. Discompos’d, Creature! Have you had your being in my Family so long not to know nothing under the Sun’s considerable enough to discompose me? But ’tis a thing impossible; it’s not two Hours since he kneel’d to me, said his sole Happiness depended on my Smiles, with utmost Arguments enforc’d his Passion, faulter’d, look’d pale, and trembl’d as he spoke it: Not that I who have had foreign Princes at my Feet, value the conqu’ring an English Collonel; but I that know my Power infallible, drew him by policy to that Confession, to have him, as I wou’d have all Mankind, my Slave.

Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, Madam, affirm’d it with that unaffected Air of Truth, enjoyn’d me so strict a Secrecy in the Matter, saying, if’t were discover’d his Life might be in danger; that you must pardon me, Madam, if I can’t help believing it.

L. Rod. Cozen, you that have never been beyond Tunbridge-Wells, must’nt dispute with me that know the Intreagues of ev’ry Court and Country. Matches an’t so easily made up, nor is it probable my slighting him, shou’d make another Lady value him; if it be true, he must have been in League with her some time, and, certainly, I shan’t care to be banter’d. But I’ll know that presently; Where are all my Fellows? prithee, Cozen, bid one of ’em come, hither. [Exit Mrs. Lov.

Enter Footman.

Who orderd you, you fat, heavy heeld Booby; you are two Hours creeping to the Gate? Call another,

Enter another Footman.

Nor you you Sot, you’ll loiter at ev’ry Ale-house you come to. Send in the Yorkshire Footman thats never out obreath;

Enter a Third.

This Fellow’s an intollerable Fool too; d’you hear Changling, go to Young Man’s Coffee-house, enquire for Collonel Blenheim; if he’s not there, run to the Smyrna, White’s, Tom’s, Will’s, Offendo’s, and the Gaunt; tell him I desire to speak with him presently; search the Park, the Play house, and all the Taverns and Gaming-houses you can think on; for, positively, if you don’t find him, I’ll immediately turn you off.

Re-enter Mrs. Lovejoy.

Mrs. Lov. I hope, Madam, your Ladiship’s not displeas’d with me; ’tis my int’rest to oblige in ev’ry thing, where daily I receive such numerous Favours. [Aside]. She has the Money, and I must submit, tho’ ’tis well known, I’m of a much better Family.

L. Rod. Excuse me, dear Cozen, and don’t imagine the most finish’d Cavalier cou’d shake my firm Resolves; but when a Fellow’s arrogance shall dare to proffer his unwelcome worthless Love, then villainously act the same Part elsewhere; Honour won’t let me tamely acquiesce.

Mrs. Lov. Madam, Mr. Nicknack desires the favour of kissing your Hands.

L. Rod. Pray admit him, Cozen, he’s rich and personable, very good humour’d, and no Fool: His aspiring at me does indeed show a prodigious stock of Vanity; but ’tis a failing, People o’the best Sense are liable to, and I had rather prove a Man too ambitious than to have no spirit at all.

Enter Nicknack.

Mr. Nicknack, I’m so us’d to you of late, methinks your absence gives me some Chagrin; where have you been this tedious long half Hour?

Nick. When we flung up the Cards, Madam, I went to see the two Children that grow together; I wish ’twere your Ladiship’s case and mine.

L. Rod. We shou’d rejoice to be parted agen.

Nick. But has your Ladiship contemplated prodigiously o’the Matter? For really, Madam, I begin to find my self in more hast than I thought I was.

L. Rod. Already, Mr. Nicknack, you’re too hasty; tho’ I have this opinion of you, a Match with you requires less pro and con than with some others; but I fancy People look so silly when they’re going to be marry’d, to see ’em walk demurely up the Church, so sheepishly consenting and asham’d; with shoals of gaping Fools, that crowd about ’em, as if a Marriage were a Miracle; prithee, Mr. Nicknack, that I may guess a little at the Matter for a Frollick, let my Footman marry you, and my Cozen together.

Mrs. Lov. Mr. Nicknack, and I, Madam.

Nick. Mrs. Lovejoy, and I, Madam, a very good Jest i’faith.

L. Rod. But you must believe, you’re really marry’d, or how shall I discover the true Air of it?

Nick. But, Madam, is not believing what one knows to be false, somewhat like a Tradegy Actress; who while she’s playing a Queen or Empress, is full as haughty, and thinks her self as great.

L. Rod. Oh! a strong faith often deprives People of their Senses.

Nick. Nay, Madam, I have frequently told monstrous Stories, ‘till I ha’ believ’d ’em my self.

L. Rod. We’ll step into the next Room, I have a Fellow too that has the best Puritanical Face you ever saw; but the Society o’the Livery has secur’d him from ever being a Saint. [Exeunt

SCENE, Lady Tossup’s.

Enter Lady Tossup, and Mrs. Flimsy.

Flim. Madam, the Major desires the Honour of kissing your Ladyship’s Hands.

L. Toss. The Major, Flimsy! What Major? Major Bramble; What business can the Major have with me?

Flim. Perhaps, Madam, he’s come to pretend to your Ladyship. I have often caught him rolling his Eyes at your Ladyship, and several times o’late, he has watch’d above an Hour at the Tabernacle Door to see your Ladyship come out.

L. Toff. It may be so? but he’s old, Flimsy.

Flim. He’s not quite Fifty, Madam, and they say, He has his Health very well.

L. Toss. Nay, he’s rich; but, I hear, he makes Love to Lady Rodomont; if he slights her for me, I shall receive him more candidly to be reveng’d on her for affronting me in the Park Pray Flimsy introduce him.

Enter Bramble.

A Visit, Major, from a Person of your incessant Negotiations, and refin’d Politicks is a Grace so peculiar, that I want Assurance to receive it, and Capacity to acknowledge it.

Bram. ’Tis for my Improvement, Madam, to address a Lady whose superiour Talents so much excel those Politicks, her condescending Goodness pleases to commend in me. The great Monarch o’France thinks it his int’rest on ev’ry nice point o’State to visit the greater Madam Maintenon.

L. Toss. [aside] Nay, I always read the Votes, and can tell what némine contradicente means. I vow the Major’s Oratory is extravagantly well dress’d! I wonder, Sir, your transcending Abilities are not more taken notice of at Court! Methinks you shou’d be sent Ambassadour Extraordinary to some magnanimous Prince in Terra Incognita; for I’m certain, you must understand more Languages than were ever heard of.

Bram. Int’rest, Madam, as much depresses true Merit, as a flutt’ring Assurance over pow’rs real Beauty, otherwise my Intellects might shine as much above modern Statesmen as your Ladyship’s Person wou’d out sparkle Lady Rodomont’s.

L. Toss. D’you really think, Major, my Personage more complete than my Lady’s?

Bram. Madam, there’s no more comparison between Lady Rodomont and your Ladyship, than between a dazling Dutchess and a Wapping Head-dresser: If the surprizing Sight, and continual Idea of your Ladyship had not discompos’d my Thoughts and confounded my Politicks, the Confederates had never taken Lisle.

L. Toss. Indeed, Major, I’m very sorry for it truly [aside]. D’you hear, Flimsy, you will have me lay it on so thick; but I hope ’twill be retaken agen.

Bram. Is your Ladyship disaffected, then, to the Government?

L. Toss. The most of any body, for I have been three times at Court, and they have brought me no Chocolate.

Bram. ’Twas a prodigious Affront; and if you’ll believe me, Madam, I’m disaffected to ev’ry kind o’thing but your Ladyship.

L. Toss. What if we adjourn into the Drawing-Room Major? We’ll sit upon the Squabb, drink Whistlejacket, and abuse all Mankind.

Bram. Nature, Madam, has sufficiently expos’d all Mankind, in forming your Ladyship so far beyond ’em. [Exeunt.

SCENE Changes to Lady Rodomonts.

Enter Lady Rodomont, and the Collonel.

L. Rod. Collonel, I sent for you to wish you Joy, I hear you’re to be marry’d.

Coll. [aside.] It works I find; Sir Harry’s Thought was admirable Yes, Madam, your Ladyship made such fine Encomiums on Matrimony, with so much Rhetorick, and force of Reason, that you have persuaded me into that comfortable State.

La. Rod. I persuade you, did I use any Arguments to persuade you to’t. [Aside.] How he tortures me; but I’ll be calm Have I seen the Lady, Collonel; did she ever appear in Company; pray how is she built.

Col. Built as other Women are, Madam; she has her Gun-Room, her Steerage, her Fore-Castle, her Quarter-Deck, her Great-Cabbin, and her Poop; as for her good Qualities, few Women care to hear each other prais’d; but I’ll tell you what Imperfections she has not: She is no proud conceited haughty Dame, that tow’rs over Mankind with an Estate; no vain Coquet, that loves a Croud of Followers, invites and smiles, that drills ’em to admire her; then basely, like a false dissembling Crocodile, prevaricates, and jilts their well-meant Passion.

La. Rod. Hum!

Col. She’s rich and beautiful, yet humble too, thinks herself not the Phoenix o’ the Age, nor seems surpriz’d, or mortify’d, to find Ladies a multitude that far excel her.

La. Rod. Very well.

Col. In short, She has Sense to know a Gentleman that offers Love sincere, whose Character maintains his just Pretensions, ought to be treated with the like Regard; and that a faithful and a tender Husband sufficiently repays the Dross of Fortune.

La. Rod..[Aside.] He has drawn me to the Life, but I’ll return it Such humble things make admirable Wives, and Women when they marry hectoring Blades, must buy their Peace with wond’rous Condescension, but when a Lady’s unexception’d Graces, artless, immaculate, and universal, impow’r her to select thro’ ev’ry Clime; nay, when she grasps the fickle Pow’r of Fortune, and is to raise the Man she stoops to wed, Lovers must sue on more submissive Terms; no Task’s too hard when Heav’n’s the Reward. I have a Lover too, no blust’ring Red-Coat, that thinks at the first Onset he must plunder, bullies his Mistresses, and beats his Men; but when two Armies meet in Line of Battle, your finest Collonels often prove the coolest.

Col. Hah!

La. Rod. No Libertine, who infamously vile, burlesques the happiest Order of Mankind; yet when some Hit shall probably present, can play the Courtier, to promote his Int’rest, and fondly press what his Soul starts to think on.

Col. [Aside.] The Woman speaks truth, by Jupiter.

La. Rod. In short, he’s humble too, so very humble, he’s shockt, and startles at his high-plac’d Love: He has Wit and Breeding, Virtue, Birth and Fortune, and yet no spark of Pride appears throughout him, but when I kindle it with my Commands; nor does he serve, as ’tis his Duty only, but smiles, prepares, is eager for my Orders, and flies to the Obedience I require.

Col. Take him, take him. Madam, you have found the only Man to fit your purpose I wou’dn’t bate one Inch of my Prerogative for ne’er a mony’d Petticoat in Europe.

La. Rod. Collonel, these flirting Humours misbecome you, and lighten not, but aggravate your Baseness. A Thing how much abhorr’d must he appear, who villanously shall attempt, a Lady, propose, and solemnly pursue a Conquest, when he, long since, by strictest Oaths and Promises, has vow’d, been sworn and plighted to another.

Col. You but surmise, as yet I’ve made no Contract; you were the only Idol of my Soul, nor did I harbour the least Thought of others, ’till your Pride us’d me with such poor Contempt, ’twas not sufficient to reject my service, but you must bring a Fop to mock my Passion, as if I had been an Animal for sport.

La. Rod. Suppose it true; [Aside.] my Pride wou’d fain suppose it suppose I us’d you ill too, nay derided you, cou’d you not bear a Flirt from one you lov’d; had you conceiv’d a bright and lasting Flame, and not a Vapour, flashing and extinguish’d, you’d ha’ born ten times more. Were I a Man, that knew my strength of Reason, had Sense to ruminate on Women’s Frailties, I’d laugh at all their Spleen, despise their Vapours, and since a certain Blessing’s the Reward, receive their Humours with unmov’d Philosophy; but to fly off e’er you had well propounded, to leave your Mistress ’cause she try’d your Courage, was pusillanimous, and few’ll suppose Valour in Arms breeds Cowardice in Love.

Col. [Aside.] She has struck me dumb, and I’m her Fool again, must tell her all, and supplicate her pardon, resign my self entirely to her Will, and trust to her to use me as she pleases Madam. [Fault’ring.

La. Rod. Collonel!

Enter Sir Harry.

Sir Har. Ha, ha, ha, I never knew a Scene more nicely acted; to see two Lovers pet, and thwart, and wrangle, when they are just expiring for each other.

La. Rod. [Aside.] Has he observ’d us too; how I’m confus’d?

Sir Har. But come, come, you have brought the Play to a conclusion; an Audience wou’d be tir’d to hear more on’t.

Col. Why, really, Madam, after all, you have so pretty, so winning an Air, that o’ my Conscience, I think, I cou’d marry you.

La. Rod. And, really, Collonel, you have so silly, so sneaking an Air, that o’ my Conscience, you’ll make an excellent Husband; but I’m afraid, Collonel, you are so tainted with French Principles, having forag’d in that Country, you’ll be for Tyranny, and arbitrary Government.

Col. And I’m afraid, Madam, you’re so obstinate in English Principles, you’ll submit to no Government at all but the Age has adjusted that matter, for marry’d People now-a-days are the quietest, best natur’d Creatures, and live together like Brother and Sister.

La. Rod. Nay, of marry’d Folks, a Soldier’s Wife is the happiest, for half the Year you’re in Flanders, and one an’t plagu’d with you.

Col. And t’other half we are busie in raising Recruits, and don’t much disturb you.

La. Rod. Positively, Collonel, I’ll not have abundance of Children.

Col. As few as you please, Madam.

La. Rod. For to be mew’d up in a Nursery, with six dirty Boys, those diminutive Apes, of the Father’s dull Species.

Col. And as many trolloping Girls, that are the greatest Drugs in Nature Well, Madam, since we’re come to talk of Procreation, it must be a Match; and tho’ I courted you in a careless way, to please your Humour, know now, I do love thee beyond measure; thou shalt have Progeny innumerable; we’ll walk to Church with our good Deeds after us; and let ’em be dull or homely, as we must suppose ’em, when they are lawfully begot, there is a Pleasure, a Tenderness in nursing Children, which none but Mothers know.

Sir Har. Why isn’t this better now than fretting and fuming at one another; People shou’d marry first, and quarrel afterwards. Oh! here comes pretty Mrs. Lovejoy, and some more of the good Family.

Enter Nicknack, and Mrs. Lovejoy.

Nick. Well, Madam, how does your Ladyship like the Air o’ Matrimony.

La. Rod. Extremely well, Mr. Nicknack, methinks my Cousin and you make a most suitable, agreeable Couple, ’tis pity but you were marry’d in earnest.

Mrs. Lov. In earnest, Madam! pray what have we been doing all this while.

Nick. Doing, Precious, does the chatt’ring over a few Words by her Ladyship’s spruce Footman, in his fine Head o’ Hair signify any thing; don’t let your Faith intoxicate you neither.

Mrs. Lov. No, Precious, but the chattering over a few Words by a spruce Parson, in his fine Head o’ Hair, which I took care to provide, and put into her Ladyship’s Livery, does signifie somewhat.

Nick. Ha!

La. Rod. What Cousin, have you depriv’d me of my Lover?

Mrs. Lov. I knew your Ladyship had a much superiour Aim, but my Ambition soars no higher than being an honest Citizen’s Wife.

Nick. Don’t it so, Mrs. Ambush? Methinks you ha’ soar’d prodigiously in that; do you imagine the Ladies of Billiter-Lane, St. Mary-Ax, and French-Ordinary-Court will think you their equal.

La. Rod. I must tell you, Mr. Nicknack, you have marry’d a Gentlewoman, whose Education equals the best; her Wit and Breeding will refine your City.

Nick. Will her Wit and Breeding new furnish my House, or buy a Thousand Pound Stock in the Hollow-Blade-Company. [To Mrs. Lov.] Well, Madam, since you have plaid me a t’other end o’the Town Trick, I shall prove a t’other end o’the Town Husband, and have nothing to say to you when I can get any body else.

Mrs. Lov. I then, Sir, shall prove a t’other end o’the Town Wife, and find a great many Persons that shall have a great deal to say to me.

Sir Har. [Aside to Mrs. Lov.] Have you kept the Secret, Madam?

Mrs. Lov. No, Sir Harry, But you’ll be oblig’d to me to keep another Secret, that you endeavour’d to debauch me.

Sir Har. You gave me such Hopes, Madam, that you’ll keep that for your own Reputation. [To Nick.] Your pardon, Sir, for whispering your Lady.

Nick. Sir, I have more Manners than to be jealous, especially of what I don’t care two pinches of Snuff for.

Enter Servant.

Ser. Madam, Major Bramble, and his Lady.

La. Rod. Major Bramble, and his Lady!

Sir Har. Oh! my Lady Toss-up, Madam, has marry’d the Major; I met ’em coming from Covent-Garden-Church, with Five hundred Boys after ’em.

Enter Bramble, and Lady Toss-up.

Bram. Hearing, Madam, your Ladyship had almost engag’d your self, I was resolv’d to lay aside all Animosities, and let you know, I have taken to Wife the most incomparable Lady Toss-up.

La. Toss. And that your Ladyship might not engross the whole Sex, I receiv’d the Major, to let you know I have room for one Lover.

La. Rod. I never knew a more surprizing Couple, such a Conjunction’s Policy indeed; State-Matches never have regard to Faces. [Noise without.] Bring ’em along, bring ’em along.

Enter Constable, and others, with Totty, Shrimp, and Knapsack.

Col. What means this Intrusion?

Con. Is Sir Harry Sprightly here?

Sir Har. I am he.

Con. An’t please your Baronetship, searching some Houses of ill repute, in one of ’em we found these three Gentlemen, [pointing to Totty and Knapsack.] with three Women; and searching a little further, under a fat Whores Petticoats, we found this little Gentleman, [Pointing to Shrimp.] but saying they belong’d to your Honour, we brought ’em hither before we went to the Justice.

Sir Har. They do belong to me; here’s a Crown for you to drink; pray leave us.

Tot. If you be Sir Harry Sprightly, my Grand-Mother will be very angry when she hears how these Fellows ha’ daub’d my Cloaths.

Sir Har. [To Shrimp.] Was that the Place I order’d you to carry the Boy to.

Tot. Boy, the Gentlewoman I ha’ been with, did’n’t think mee a Boy.

Sir Har. What Gentlewoman?

Tot. Why, we ha been at the Tavern, where we drunk pure Sack, and saw Madam Betty, the Orange-Lady; and afterwards we went to fine Madam Over-done’s stately Lodgings in Vinegar-Yard, where we ha’ been as merry as my Grand-Mother, when she gets drunk with Plague-Water. [Feels his Pockets.] Ah Lard! Mr. Shrimp, where’s my Hundred Pound Bill?

Sir Har. The Lady you ha’ been with, I guess, has pickt your Pocket, and these Fellows are to share it with her.

Tot. She pick my Pocket! why she had a Furbelow-Scarf on.

Sir Har. Come, come, I’ll reimburse you, and send you back into the Country; you are not sharp enough for the Profession design’d you; where you may boast among your ignorant Acquaintance, that you have a perfect Knowledge o’ the Town, for you have met with two very great Rogues, got drunk at a Tavern, been at a common Brothel, and have had your Pocket pickt of a Hundred Pounds. [To Knapsack.] For you, Friend, the Collonel will take care of you; [To Shrimp.] and for you, Rascal

Bram. I profess, Sir Harry, a Couple of promising Youths; a Boy shou’d n’t be trusted with so much Money; these Persons have seen the World, and know how to employ it Gentlemen, if your Masters discard you, I’ll entertain you. [Aside.] I find by their Phis’nomies they’ll be rising Men; and tho’ they came sneaking into the World, like other People, and paid a Tax for their Births, they’ll go out of it a more sublime way, and cheat the Church of their Burials.

Col. Punish’d they shall be, but ’tis now unseasonable; this Day I’d wish an universal Jubilee What say you to a Dance, good People, my Lady’s Servants are all musical.

A DANCE.

Col. The Wav’ring Nymph, with Pride and Envy sir’d,
Ranges the World, to be by all admir’d;
Thro’ distant Courts, and Climes, she bears her way,
And like the Sun, wou’d course ’em in a Day;
At length Fatigu’d, she finds those Trifles vain,
Meer empty Joys, repeated o’er again:
But when by Nature urg’d, weak Fancy fails,
And Reason dictating, sound Sense prevails;
Wisely she takes the Lover to her Arms,
And owns her self subdu’d by Love’s more potent Charms.

The EPILOGUE,

Spoken by Mrs. Bradshaw.

Poets of late so scurrilous are grown,
Instead of Courting, they abuse the Town:
And when an Epilogue entirely pleases,
In thundering Jests, it takes the House to pieces;
The Pit smiles when the Gallery_’s misus’d,
The_ Gallery sniggers when the Pit_’s abus’d_;
Side-Boxes wou’d with Ladies Foibles play, }
But they themselves stand Buff to all we say, }
For nothing strikes them Dead, but Please to pay: }
The Upper Regions angry if pass’d by;
But when some wond’rous Joke shall thither fly.
Faith, Jack, here’s Sense and Learning in this Play,
We’ll make our Ladies come the Poet’s Day.
This Author wou’d by gentler Means persuade you,
And rather sooth your Follies than degrade you.
Parties may rail, and bully Courtiers Graces,
But fawning, well-tim’d Ballads, shou’d get Poets Places.
Your Absence lately, how we all have mourn’d;
Some pray’d, some fasted too, till you return’d:
But now those melancholly Days retire,
And eager Wit restrain’d, darts fiercer Fire:
Favours unlimited we hope you’ll grant us,
And not let dear-bought Foreigners supplant us.
This PLAY, our Author hopes, may please the Town, }
Not that He claims a Merit of his own, }
But half our_ Comick Bards are dead and gone. }
Things scarce attainable more nice appear;
Coffee was scarce a Treat, till very dear.
To raise his Genius, with some pains he strove,
As we in Acting shou’d each Day improve.
But as Whims only seem to please this Age, }
If Wit and Humour won’t your Hearts engage, }
We’ll have a Moving-Picture on the Stage. }