I
Matthew Lanfear had stopped off, between
Genoa and Nice, at San Remo in the interest of a friend
who had come over on the steamer with him, and who
wished him to test the air before settling there for
the winter with an invalid wife. She was one
of those neurasthenics who really carry their climate always
a bad one with them, but she had set her
mind on San Remo; and Lanfear was willing to pass
a few days in the place making the observations which
he felt pretty sure would be adverse.
His train was rather late, and the
sunset was fading from the French sky beyond the Italian
shore when he got out of his car and looked round for
a porter to take his valise. His roving eye lighted
on the anxious figure, which as fully as the anxious
face, of a short, stout, elderly man expressed a sort
of distraction, as he stood loaded down with umbrellas,
bags, bundles, and wraps, and seemed unable to arrest
the movements of a tall young girl, with a travelling-shawl
trailing from her arm, who had the effect of escaping
from him towards a bench beside the door of the waiting-room.
When she reached it, in spite of his appeals, she
sat down with an absent air, and looked as far withdrawn
from the bustle of the platform and from the snuffling
train as if on some quiet garden seat along with her
own thoughts.
In his fat frenzy, which Lanfear felt
to be pathetic, the old gentleman glanced at him,
and then abruptly demanded: “Are you an
American?”
We knew each other abroad in some
mystical way, and Lanfear did not try to deny the
fact.
“Oh, well, then,” the
stranger said, as if the fact made everything right,
“will you kindly tell my daughter, on that bench
by the door yonder” he pointed with
a bag, and dropped a roll of rugs from under his arm “that
I’ll be with her as soon as I’ve looked
after the trunks? Tell her not to move till I
come. Heigh! Here! Take hold of these,
will you?” He caught the sleeve of a facchino
who came wandering by, and heaped him with his burdens,
and then pushed ahead of the man in the direction
of the baggage-room with a sort of mastery of the situation
which struck Lanfear as springing from desperation
rather than experience.
Lanfear stood a moment hesitating.
Then a glance at the girl on the bench, drooping a
little forward in freeing her face from the veil that
hung from her pretty hat, together with a sense of
something quaintly charming in the confidence shown
him on such purely compatriotic grounds, decided him
to do just what he had been asked. The girl had
got her veil up by this time, and as he came near,
she turned from looking at the sunset over the stretch
of wall beyond the halting train, and met his dubious
face with a smile.
“It is beautiful, isn’t
it?” she said. “I know I shall get
well, here, if they have such sunsets every day.”
There was something so convincingly
normal in her expression that Lanfear dismissed a
painful conjecture. “I beg your pardon,”
he said. “I am afraid there’s some
mistake. I haven’t the pleasure You
must excuse me, but your father wished me to ask you
to wait here for him till he had got his baggage ”
“My father?” the girl
stopped him with a sort of a frowning perplexity in
the stare she gave him. “My father isn’t
here!”
“I beg your pardon,” Lanfear
said. “I must have misunderstood. A
gentleman who got out of the train with you a
short, stout gentleman with gray hair I
understood him to say you were his daughter requested
me to bring this message ”
The girl shook her head. “I
don’t know him. It must be a mistake.”
“The mistake is mine, no doubt.
It may have been some one else whom he pointed out,
and I have blundered. I’m very sorry if
I seem to have intruded ”
“What place is this?”
the girl asked, without noticing his excuses.
“San Remo,” Lanfear answered.
“If you didn’t intend to stop here, your
train will be leaving in a moment.”
“I meant to get off, I suppose,”
she said. “I don’t believe I’m
going any farther.” She leaned back against
the bars of the bench, and put up one of her slim
arms along the top.
There was something wrong. Lanfear
now felt that, in spite of her perfect tranquillity
and self-possession; perhaps because of it. He
had no business to stay there talking with her, but
he had not quite the right to leave her, though practically
he had got his dismissal, and apparently she was quite
capable of taking care of herself, or could have been
so in a country where any woman’s defencelessness
was not any man’s advantage. He could not
go away without some effort to be of use.
“I beg your pardon,” he
said. “Can I help you in calling a carriage;
or looking after your hand-baggage it will
be getting dark perhaps your maid ”
“My maid!” The
girl frowned again, with a measure of the amazement
which she showed when he mentioned her father. “I
have no maid!”
Lanfear blurted desperately out:
“You are alone? You came you
are going to stay here alone?”
“Quite alone,” she said,
with a passivity in which there was no resentment,
and no feeling unless it were a certain color of dignity.
Almost at the same time, with a glance beside and beyond
him, she called out joyfully: “Ah, there
you are!” and Lanfear turned, and saw scuffling
and heard puffing towards them the short, stout elderly
gentleman who had sent him to her. “I knew
you would come before long!”
“Well, I thought it was pretty
long, myself,” the gentleman said, and then
he courteously referred himself to Lanfear. “I’m
afraid this gentleman has found it rather long, too;
but I couldn’t manage it a moment sooner.”
Lanfear said: “Not at all.
I wish I could have been of any use to ”
“My daughter Miss Gerald, Mr. ”
“Lanfear Dr. Lanfear,”
he said, accepting the introduction; and the girl
bowed.
“Oh, doctor, eh?” the
father said, with a certain impression. “Going
to stop here?”
“A few days,” Lanfear
answered, making way for the forward movement which
the others began.
“Well, well! I’m
very much obliged to you, very much, indeed; and I’m
sure my daughter is.”
The girl said, “Oh yes, indeed,”
rather indifferently, and then as they passed him,
while he stood lifting his hat, she turned radiantly
on him. “Thank you, ever so much!”
she said, with the gentle voice which he had already
thought charming.
The father called back: “I
hope we shall meet again. We are going to the
Sardegna.”
Lanfear had been going to the Sardegna
himself, but while he bowed he now decided upon another
hotel.
The mystery, whatever it was, that
the brave, little, fat father was carrying off so
bluffly, had clearly the morbid quality of unhealth
in it, and Lanfear could not give himself freely to
a young pleasure in the girl’s dark beauty of
eyes and hair, her pale, irregular, piquant face,
her slender figure and flowing walk. He was in
the presence of something else, something that appealed
to his scientific side, to that which was humane more
than that which was human in him, and abashed him in
the other feeling. Unless she was out of her
mind there was no way of accounting for her behavior,
except by some caprice which was itself scarcely short
of insanity. She must have thought she knew him
when he approached, and when she addressed him those
first words; but when he had tried to set her right
she had not changed; and why had she denied her father,
and then hailed him with joy when he came back to her?
She had known that she intended to stop at San Remo,
but she had not known where she had stopped when she
asked what place it was. She was consciously
an invalid of some sort, for she spoke of getting well
under sunsets like that which had now waned, but what
sort of invalid was she?
II
Lanfear’s question persisted
through the night, and it helped, with the coughing
in the next room, to make a bad night for him.
None of the hotels in San Remo receive consumptive
patients, but none are without somewhere a bronchial
cough. If it is in the room next yours it keeps
you awake, but it is not pulmonary; you may comfort
yourself in your vigils with that fact. Lanfear,
however, fancied he had got a poor dinner, and in
the morning he did not like his coffee. He thought
he had let a foolish scruple keep him from the Grand
Hotel Sardegna, and he walked down towards it along
the palm-flanked promenade, in the gay morning light,
with the tideless sea on the other hand lapping the
rough beach beyond the lines of the railroad which
borders it. On his way he met files of the beautiful
Ligurian women, moving straight under the burdens
balanced on their heads, or bestriding the donkeys
laden with wine-casks in the roadway, or following
beside the carts which the donkeys drew. Ladies
of all nations, in the summer fashions of London,
Berlin, St. Petersburg, Paris, and New York thronged
the path. The sky was of a blue so deep, so liquid
that it seemed to him he could scoop it in his hand
and pour it out again like water. Seaward, he
glanced at the fishing-boats lying motionless in the
offing, and the coastwise steamer that runs between
Nice and Genoa trailing a thin plume of smoke between
him and their white sails. With the more definite
purpose of making sure of the Grand Hotel Sardegna,
he scanned the different villa slopes that showed
their level lines of white and yellow and dull pink
through the gray tropical greenery on the different
levels of the hills. He was duly rewarded by
the sight of the bold legend topping its cornice, and
when he let his eye descend the garden to a little
pavilion on the wall overlooking the road, he saw
his acquaintances of the evening before making a belated
breakfast. The father recognized Lanfear first
and spoke to his daughter, who looked up from her
coffee and down towards him where he wavered, lifting
his hat, and bowed smiling to him. He had no
reason to cross the roadway towards the white stairway
which climbed from it to the hotel grounds, but he
did so. The father leaned out over the wall,
and called down to him: “Won’t you
come up and join us, doctor?”
“Why, yes!” Lanfear consented,
and in another moment he was shaking hands with the
girl, to whom, he noticed, her father named him again.
He had in his glad sense of her white morning dress
and her hat of green-leafed lace, a feeling that she
was somehow meeting him as a friend of indefinite
date in an intimacy unconditioned by any past or future
time. Her pleasure in his being there was as frank
as her father’s, and there was a pretty trust
of him in every word and tone which forbade misinterpretation.
“I was just talking about you,
doctor,” the father began, “and saying
what a pity you hadn’t come to our hotel.
It’s a capital place.”
“I’ve been thinking
it was a pity I went to mine,” Lanfear returned,
“though I’m in San Remo for such a short
time it’s scarcely worth while to change.”
“Well, perhaps if you came here,
you might stay longer. I guess we’re booked
for the winter, Nannie?” He referred the question
to his daughter, who asked Lanfear if he would not
have some coffee.
“I was going to say I had had
my coffee, but I’m not sure it was coffee,”
Lanfear began, and he consented, with some demur, banal
enough, about the trouble.
“Well, that’s right, then,
and no trouble at all,” Mr. Gerald broke in
upon him. “Here comes a fellow looking for
a chance to bring you some,” and he called to
a waiter wandering distractedly about with a “Heigh!”
that might have been offensive from a less obviously
inoffensive man. “Can you get our friend
here a cup and saucer, and some of this good coffee?”
he asked, as the waiter approached.
“Yes, certainly, sir,”
the man answered in careful English. “Is
it not, perhaps, Mr. and Misses Gerald?” he
smilingly insinuated, offering some cards.
“Miss Gerald,” the father
corrected him as he took the cards. “Why,
hello, Nannie! Here are the Bells! Where
are they?” he demanded of the waiter. “Bring
them here, and a lot more cups and saucers. Or,
hold on! I’d better go myself, Nannie,
hadn’t I? Of course! You get the crockery,
waiter. Where did you say they were?” He
bustled up from his chair, without waiting for a distinct
reply, and apologized to Lanfear in hurrying away.
“You’ll excuse me, doctor! I’ll
be back in half a minute. Friends of ours that
came over on the same boat. I must see them, of
course, but I don’t believe they’ll stay.
Nannie, don’t let Dr. Lanfear get away.
I want to have some talk with him. You tell him
he’d better come to the Sardegna, here.”
Lanfear and Miss Gerald sat a moment
in the silence which is apt to follow with young people
when they are unexpectedly left to themselves.
She kept absently pushing the cards her father had
given her up and down on the table between her thumb
and forefinger, and Lanfear noted the translucence
of her long, thin hand in the sunshine striking across
the painted iron surface of the garden movable.
The translucence had a pathos for his intelligence
which the pensive tilt of her head enhanced.
She stopped toying with the cards, and looked at the
addresses on them.
“What strange things names are!”
she said, as if musing on the fact, with a sigh which
he thought disproportioned to the depth of her remark.
“They seem rather irrelevant
at times,” he admitted, with a smile. “They’re
mere tags, labels, which can be attached to one as
well as another; they seem to belong equally to anybody.”
“That is what I always say to
myself,” she agreed, with more interest than
he found explicable.
“But finally,” he returned,
“they’re all that’s left us, if they’re
left themselves. They are the only signs to the
few who knew us that we ever existed. They stand
for our characters, our personality, our mind, our
soul.”
She said, “That is very true,”
and then she suddenly gave him the cards. “Do
you know these people?”
“I? I thought they were
friends of yours,” he replied, astonished.
“That is what papa thinks,”
Miss Gerald said, and while she sat dreamily absent,
a rustle of skirts and a flutter of voices pierced
from the surrounding shrubbery, and then a lively
matron, of as youthful a temperament as the lively
girls she brought in her train, burst upon them, and
Miss Gerald was passed from one embrace to another
until all four had kissed her. She returned their
greeting, and shared, in her quieter way, their raptures
at their encounter.
“Such a hunt as we’ve
had for you!” the matron shouted. “We’ve
been up-stairs and down-stairs and in my lady’s
chamber, all over the hotel. Where’s your
father? Ah, they did get our cards to you!”
and by that token Lanfear knew that these ladies were
the Bells. He had stood up in a sort of expectancy,
but Miss Gerald did not introduce him, and a shadow
of embarrassment passed over the party which she seemed
to feel least, though he fancied a sort of entreaty
in the glance that she let pass over him.
“I suppose he’s gone to
look for us!” Mrs. Bell saved the situation
with a protecting laugh. Miss Gerald colored intelligently,
and Lanfear could not let Mrs. Bell’s implication
pass.
“If it is Mrs. Bell,”
he said, “I can answer that he has. I met
you at Magnolia some years ago, Mrs. Bell. Dr.
Lanfear.”
“Oh, I beg your pardon, Dr.
Lanfear,” Miss Gerald said. “I couldn’t
think ”
“Of my tag, my label?”
he laughed back. “It isn’t very distinctly
lettered.”
Mrs. Bell was not much minding them
jointly. She was singling Lanfear out for the
expression of her pleasure in seeing him again, and
recalling the incidents of her summer at Magnolia before,
it seemed, any of her girls were out. She presented
them collectively, and the eldest of them charmingly
reminded Lanfear that he had once had the magnanimity
to dance with her when she sat, in a little girl’s
forlorn despair of being danced with, at one of those
desolate hops of the good old Osprey House.
“Yes; and now,” her mother
followed, “we can’t wait a moment longer,
if we’re to get our train for Monte Carlo, girls.
We’re not going to play, doctor,” she
made time to explain, “but we are going to look
on. Will you tell your father, dear,” she
said, taking the girl’s hands caressingly in
hers, and drawing her to her motherly bosom, “that
we found you, and did our best to find him? We
can’t wait now our carriage is champing
the bit at the foot of the stairs but we’re
coming back in a week, and then we’ll do our
best to look you up again.” She included
Lanfear in her good-bye, and all her girls said good-bye
in the same way, and with a whisking of skirts and
twitter of voices they vanished through the shrubbery,
and faded into the general silence and general sound
like a bevy of birds which had swept near and passed
by.
Miss Gerald sank quietly into her
place, and sat as if nothing had happened, except
that she looked a little paler to Lanfear, who remained
on foot trying to piece together their interrupted
tete-a-tete, but not succeeding, when her father reappeared,
red and breathless, and wiping his forehead.
“Have they been here, Nannie?” he asked.
“I’ve been following them all over the
place, and the portier told me just now that
he had seen a party of ladies coming down this way.”
He got it all out, not so clearly
as those women had got everything in, Lanfear reflected,
but unmistakably enough as to the fact, and he looked
at his daughter as he repeated: “Haven’t
the Bells been here?”
She shook her head, and said, with
her delicate quiet: “Nobody has been here,
except ” She glanced at Lanfear, who
smiled, but saw no opening for himself in the strange
situation. Then she said: “I think
I will go and lie down a while, now, papa. I’m
rather tired. Good-bye,” she said, giving
Lanfear her hand; it felt limp and cold; and then she
turned to her father again. “Don’t
you come, papa! I can get back perfectly well
by myself. Stay with ”
“I will go with you,”
her father said, “and if Dr. Lanfear doesn’t
mind coming ”
“Certainly I will come,”
Lanfear said, and he passed to the girl’s right;
she had taken her father’s arm; but he wished
to offer more support if it were needed. When
they had climbed to the open flowery space before
the hotel, she seemed aware of the groups of people
about. She took her hand from her father’s
arm, as if unwilling to attract their notice by seeming
to need its help, and swept up the gravelled path
between him and Lanfear, with her flowing walk.
Her father fell back, as they entered
the hotel door, and murmured to Lanfear: “Will
you wait till I come down?” ... “I
wanted to tell you about my daughter,” he explained,
when he came back after the quarter of an hour which
Lanfear had found rather intense. “It’s
useless to pretend you wouldn’t have noticed Had
nobody been with you after I left you, down there?”
He twisted his head in the direction of the pavilion,
where they had been breakfasting.
“Yes; Mrs. Bell and her daughters,”
Lanfear answered, simply.
“Of course! Why do you
suppose my daughter denied it?” Mr. Gerald asked.
“I suppose she had
her reasons,” Lanfear answered, lamely enough.
“No reason, I’m
afraid,” Mr. Gerald said, and he broke out hopelessly:
“She has her mind sound enough, but not not
her memory. She had forgotten that they were
there! Are you going to stay in San Remo?”
he asked, with an effect of interrupting himself,
as if in the wish to put off something, or to make
the ground sure before he went on.
“Why,” Lanfear said, “I
hadn’t thought of it. I stopped I
was going to Nice to test the air for a
friend who wishes to bring his invalid wife here,
if I approve but I have just been asking
myself why I should go to Nice when I could stay at
San Remo. The place takes my fancy. I’m
something of an invalid myself at least
I’m on my vacation and I find a charm
in it, if nothing better. Perhaps a charm is enough.
It used to be, in primitive medicine.”
He was talking to what he felt was
not an undivided attention in Mr. Gerald, who said,
“I’m glad of it,” and then added:
“I should like to consult you professionally.
I know your reputation in New York though
I’m not a New-Yorker myself and I
don’t know any of the doctors here. I suppose
I’ve done rather a wild thing in coming off the
way I have, with my daughter; but I felt that I must
do something, and I hoped I felt as if
it were getting away from our trouble. It’s
most fortunate my meeting you, if you can look into
the case, and help me out with a nurse, if she’s
needed, and all that!” To a certain hesitation
in Lanfear’s face, he added: “Of
course, I’m asking your professional help.
My name is Abner Gerald Abner L. Gerald perhaps
you know my standing, and that I’m able to ”
“Oh, it isn’t a question
of that! I shall be glad to do anything I can,”
Lanfear said, with a little pang which he tried to
keep silent in orienting himself anew towards the
girl, whose loveliness he had felt before he had felt
her piteousness.
“But before you go further I
ought to say that you must have been thinking of my
uncle, the first Matthew Lanfear, when you spoke of
my reputation; I haven’t got any yet; I’ve
only got my uncle’s name.”
“Oh!” Mr. Gerald said,
disappointedly, but after a blank moment he apparently
took courage. “You’re in the same
line, though?”
“If you mean the psychopathic
line, without being exactly an alienist, well, yes,”
Lanfear admitted.
“That’s exactly what I
mean,” the elder said, with renewed hopefulness.
“I’m quite willing to risk myself with
a man of the same name as Dr. Lanfear. I should
like,” he said, hurrying on, as if to override
any further reluctance of Lanfear’s, “to
tell you her story, and then ”
“By all means,” Lanfear
consented, and he put on an air of professional deference,
while the older man began with a face set for the task.
“It’s a long story, or
it’s a short story, as you choose to make it.
We’ll make it long, if necessary, later, but
now I’ll make it short. Five months ago
my wife was killed before my daughter’s eyes ”
He stopped; Lanfear breathed a gentle
“Oh!” and Gerald blurted out:
“Accident grade crossing Don’t!”
he winced at the kindness in Lanfear’s eyes,
and panted on. “That’s over!
What happened to her to my daughter was
that she fainted from the shock. When she woke it
was more like a sleep than a swoon she
didn’t remember what had happened.”
Lanfear nodded, with a gravely interested face.
“She didn’t remember anything that had
ever happened before. She knew me, because I was
there with her; but she didn’t know that she
ever had a mother, because she was not there with
her. You see?”
“I can imagine,” Lanfear assented.
“The whole of her life before
the accident was wiped out as to the facts,
as completely as if it had never been; and now every
day, every hour, every minute, as it passes, goes
with that past. But her faculties ”
“Yes?” Lanfear prompted
in the pause which Mr. Gerald made.
“Her intellect the
working powers of her mind, apart from anything like
remembering, are as perfect as if she were in full
possession of her memory. I believe,” the
father said, with a pride that had its pathos, “no
one can talk with her and not feel that she has a beautiful
mind, that she can think better than most girls of
her age. She reads, or she lets me read to her,
and until it has time to fade, she appreciates it
all more fully than I do. At Genoa, where I took
her to the palaces for the pictures, I saw that she
had kept her feeling for art. When she plays you
will hear her play it is like composing
the music for herself; she does not seem to remember
the pieces, she seems to improvise them. You
understand?”
Lanfear said that he understood, for
he could not disappoint the expectation of the father’s
boastful love: all that was left him of the ambitions
he must once have had for his child.
The poor, little, stout, unpicturesque
elderly man got up and began to walk to and fro in
the room which he had turned into with Lanfear, and
to say, more to himself than to Lanfear, as if balancing
one thing against another: “The merciful
thing is that she has been saved from the horror and
the sorrow. She knows no more of either than she
knows of her mother’s love for her. They
were very much alike in looks and mind, and they were
always together more like persons of the same age sisters,
or girl friends; but she has lost all knowledge of
that, as of other things. And then there is the
question whether she won’t some time, sooner
or later, come into both the horror and the sorrow.”
He stopped and looked at Lanfear. “She
has these sudden fits of drowsiness, when she must
sleep; and I never see her wake from them without being
afraid that she has wakened to everything that
she has got back into her full self, and taken up
the terrible burden that my old shoulders are used
to. What do you think?”
Lanfear felt the appeal so keenly
that in the effort to answer faithfully he was aware
of being harsher than he meant. “That is
a chance we can’t forecast. But it is a
chance. The fact that the drowsiness recurs periodically ”
“It doesn’t,” the
father pleaded. “We don’t know when
it will come on.”
“It scarcely matters. The
periodicity wouldn’t affect the possible result
which you dread. I don’t say that it is
probable. But it’s one of the possibilities.
It has,” Lanfear added, “its logic.”
“Ah, its logic!”
“Its logic, yes. My business,
of course, would be to restore her to health at any
risk. So far as her mind is affected ”
“Her mind is not affected!” the father
retorted.
“I beg your pardon her
memory it might be restored with her physical
health. You understand that? It is a chance;
it might or it might not happen.”
The father was apparently facing a
risk which he had not squarely faced before.
“I suppose so,” he faltered. After
a moment he added, with more courage: “You
must do the best you can, at any risk.”
Lanfear rose, too. He said, with
returning kindness in his tones, if not his words:
“I should like to study the case, Mr. Gerald.
It’s very interesting, and and if
you’ll forgive me very touching.”
“Thank you.”
“If you decide to stay in San
Remo, I will Do you suppose I could get
a room in this hotel? I don’t like mine.”
“Why, I haven’t any doubt you can.
Shall we ask?”
III
It was from the Hotel Sardegna that
Lanfear satisfied his conscience by pushing his search
for climate on behalf of his friend’s neurasthenic
wife. He decided that Ospedaletti, with a milder
air and more sheltered seat in its valley of palms,
would be better for her than San Remo. He wrote
his friend to that effect, and then there was no preoccupation
to hinder him in his devotion to the case of Miss
Gerald. He put the case first in the order of
interest rather purposely, and even with a sense of
effort, though he could not deny to himself that a
like case related to a different personality might
have been less absorbing. But he tried to keep
his scientific duty to it pure of that certain painful
pleasure which, as a young man not much over thirty,
he must feel in the strange affliction of a young
and beautiful girl.
Though there was no present question
of medicine, he could be installed near her, as the
friend that her father insisted upon making him, without
contravention of the social formalities. His care
of her hardly differed from that of her father, except
that it involved a closer and more premeditated study.
They did not try to keep her from the sort of association
which, in a large hotel of the type of the Sardegna,
entails no sort of obligation to intimacy. They
sat together at the long table, midway of the dining-room,
which maintained the tradition of the old table-d’hote
against the small tables ranged along the walls.
Gerald had an amiable old man’s liking for talk,
and Lanfear saw that he willingly escaped, among their
changing companions, from the pressure of his anxieties.
He left his daughter very much to Lanfear, during these
excursions, but Lanfear was far from meaning to keep
her to himself. He thought it better that she
should follow her father in his forays among their
neighbors, and he encouraged her to continue such talk
with them as she might be brought into. He tried
to guard her future encounters with them, so that
she should not show more than a young girl’s
usual diffidence at a second meeting; and in the frequent
substitution of one presence for another across the
table, she was fairly safe.
A natural light-heartedness, of which
he had glimpses from the first, returned to her.
One night, at the dance given by some of the guests
to some others, she went through the gayety in joyous
triumph. She danced mostly with Lanfear, but
she had other partners, and she won a pleasing popularity
by the American quality of her waltzing. Lanfear
had already noted that her forgetfulness was not always
so constant or so inclusive as her father had taught
him to expect; Mr. Gerald’s statement had been
the large, general fact from which there was sometimes
a shrinking in the particulars. While the warmth
of an agreeable experience lasted, her mind kept record
of it, slight or full; if the experience were unpleasant
the memory was more apt to fade at once. After
that dance she repeated to her father the little compliments
paid her, and told him, laughing, they were to reward
him for sitting up so late as her chaperon. Emotions
persisted in her consciousness as the tremor lasts
in a smitten cord, but events left little trace.
She retained a sense of personalities; she was lastingly
sensible of temperaments; but names were nothing to
her. She could not tell her father who had said
the nice things to her, and their joint study of her
dancing-card did not help them out.
Her relation to Lanfear, though it
might be a subject of international scrutiny, was
hardly a subject of censure. He was known as Dr.
Lanfear, but he was not at first known as her physician;
he was conjectured her cousin or something like that;
he might even be her betrothed in the peculiar American
arrangement of such affairs. Personally people
saw in him a serious-looking young man, better dressed
and better mannered than they thought most Americans,
and unquestionably handsomer, with his Spanish skin
and eyes, and his brown beard of the Vandyke cut which
was then already beginning to be rather belated.
Other Americans in the hotel were
few and transitory; and if the English had any mind
about Miss Gerald different from their mind about other
girls, it would be perhaps to the effect that she was
quite mad; by this they would mean that she was a
little odd; but for the rest they had apparently no
mind about her. With the help of one of the English
ladies her father had replaced the homesick Irish
maid whom he had sent back to New York from Genoa,
with an Italian, and in the shelter of her gay affection
and ignorant sympathy Miss Gerald had a security supplemented
by the easy social environment. If she did not
look very well, she did not differ from most other
American women in that; and if she seemed to confide
herself more severely to the safe-keeping of her physician,
that was the way of all women patients.
Whether the Bells found the spectacle
of depravity at Monte Carlo more attractive than the
smiling face of nature at San Remo or not, they did
not return, but sent for their baggage from their hotel,
and were not seen again by the Geralds. Lanfear’s
friend with the invalid wife wrote from Ospedaletti,
with apologies which inculpated him for the disappointment,
that she had found the air impossible in a single day,
and they were off for Cannes. Lanfear and the
Geralds, therefore, continued together in the hotel
without fear or obligation to others, and in an immunity
in which their right to breakfast exclusively in that
pavilion on the garden wall was almost explicitly conceded.
No one, after a few mornings of tacit possession,
would have disputed their claim, and there, day after
day, in the mild monotony of the December sunshine,
they sat and drank their coffee, and talked of the
sights which the peasants in the street, and the tourists
in the promenade beyond it, afforded. The rows
of stumpy palms which separated the road from the
walk were not so high but that they had the whole lift
of the sea to the horizon where it lost itself in
a sky that curved blue as turquoise to the zenith
overhead. The sun rose from its morning bath on
the left, and sank to its evening bath on the right,
and in making its climb of the spacious arc between,
shed a heat as great as that of summer, but not the
heat of summer, on the pretty world of villas and
hotels, towered over by the olive-gray slopes of the
pine-clad heights behind and above them. From
these tops a fine, keen cold fell with the waning
afternoon, which sharpened through the sunset till
the dusk; but in the morning the change was from the
chill to the glow, and they could sit in their pavilion,
under the willowy droop of the eucalyptus-trees which
have brought the Southern Pacific to the Riviera, with
increasing comfort.
In the restlessness of an elderly
man, Gerald sometimes left the young people to their
intolerable delays over their coffee, and walked off
into the little stone and stucco city below, or went
and sat with his cigar on one of the benches under
the palm-lined promenade, which the pale northern
consumptives shared with the swarthy peasant girls
resting from their burdens, and the wrinkled grandmothers
of their race passively or actively begging from the
strangers.
While she kept her father in sight
it seemed that Miss Gerald could maintain her hold
of his identity, and one morning she said, with the
tender fondness for him which touched Lanfear:
“When he sits there among those sick people
and poor people, then he knows they are in the world.”
She turned with a question graver
in her look than usual, and he said: “Yes,
we might help them oftener if we could remember that
their misery was going on all the time, like some
great natural process, day or dark, heat or cold,
which seems to stop when we stop thinking of it.
Nothing, for us, at least, exists unless it is recalled
to us.”
“Yes,” she said, in her
turn, “I have noticed that. But don’t
you sometimes sometimes” she
knit her forehead, as if to keep her thought from
escaping “have a feeling as if what
you were doing, or saying, or seeing, had all happened
before, just as it is now?”
“Oh yes; that occurs to every one.”
“But don’t you don’t
you have hints of things, of ideas, as if you had
known them, in some previous existence ”
She stopped, and Lanfear recognized,
with a kind of impatience, the experience which young
people make much of when they have it, and sometimes
pretend to when they have merely heard of it.
But there could be no pose or pretence in her.
He smilingly suggested:
“’For something
is, or something seems,
Like glimpses
of forgotten dreams.’
These weird impressions are no more than that, probably.”
“Ah, I don’t believe it,”
the girl said. “They are too real for that.
They come too often, and they make me feel as if they
would come more fully, some time. If there was
a life before this do you believe there
was? they may be things that happened there.
Or they may be things that will happen in a life after
this. You believe in that, don’t
you?”
“In a life after this, or their happening in
it?”
“Well, both.”
Lanfear evaded her, partly. “They
could be premonitions, prophecies, of a future life,
as easily as fragmentary records of a past life.
I suppose we do not begin to be immortal merely after
death.”
“No.” She lingered
out the word in dreamy absence, as if what they had
been saying had already passed from her thought.
“But, Miss Gerald,” Lanfear
ventured, “have these impressions of yours grown
more definite fuller, as you say of
late?”
“My impressions?” She
frowned at him, as if the look of interest, more intense
than usual in his eyes, annoyed her. “I
don’t know what you mean.”
Lanfear felt bound to follow up her
lead, whether she wished it or not. “A
good third of our lives here is passed in sleep.
I’m not always sure that we are right in treating
the mental for certainly they are mental experiences
of that time as altogether trivial, or insignificant.”
She seemed to understand now, and
she protested: “But I don’t mean
dreams. I mean things that really happened, or
that really will happen.”
“Like something you can give
me an instance of? Are they painful things, or
pleasant, mostly?”
She hesitated. “They are
things that you know happen to other people, but you
can’t believe would ever happen to you.”
“Do they come when you are just
drowsing, or just waking from a drowse?”
“They are not dreams,” she said, almost
with vexation.
“Yes, yes, I understand,”
he hesitated to retrieve himself. “But I
have had floating illusions, just before I fell asleep,
or when I was sensible of not being quite awake, which
seemed to differ from dreams. They were not so
dramatic, but they were more pictorial; they were more
visual than the things in dreams.”
“Yes,” she assented.
“They are something like that. But I should
not call them illusions.”
“No. And they represent scenes, events?”
“You said yourself they were not dramatic.”
“I meant, represent pictorially.”
“No; they are like the landscape
that flies back from your train or towards it.
I can’t explain it,” she ended, rising
with what he felt a displeasure in his pursuit.
IV
He reported what had passed to her
father when Mr. Gerald came back from his stroll into
the town, with his hands full of English papers; Gerald
had even found a New York paper at the news-stand;
and he listened with an apparent postponement of interest.
“I think,” Lanfear said,
“that she has some shadowy recollection, or
rather that the facts come to her in a jarred, confused
way the elements of pictures, not pictures.
But I am afraid that my inquiry has offended her.”
“I guess not,” Gerald
said, dryly, as if annoyed. “What makes
you think so?”
“Merely her manner. And
I don’t know that anything is to be gained by
such an inquiry.”
“Perhaps not,” Gerald
allowed, with an inattention which vexed Lanfear in
his turn.
The elderly man looked up, from where
he sat provisionally in the hotel veranda, into Lanfear’s
face; Lanfear had remained standing. “I
don’t believe she’s offended. Or
she won’t be long. One thing, she’ll
forget it.”
He was right enough, apparently.
Miss Gerald came out of the hotel door towards them,
smiling equally for both, with the indefinable difference
between cognition and recognition habitual in her look.
She was dressed for a walk, and she seemed to expect
them to go with her. She beamed gently upon Lanfear;
there was no trace of umbrage in her sunny gayety.
Her face had, as always, its lurking pathos, but in
its appeal to Lanfear now there were only trust and
the wish of pleasing him.
They started side by side for their
walk, while her father drove beside them in one of
the little public carriages, mounting to the Berigo
Road, through a street of the older San Remo, and
issuing on a bare little piazza looking towards the
walls and roofs of the mediaeval city, clustered together
like cliff-dwellings, and down on the gardens that
fell from the villas and the hotels. A parapet
kept the path on the roadside nearest the declivities,
and from point to point benches were put for the convenient
enjoyment of the prospect. Mr. Gerald preferred
to take his pleasure from the greater elevation of
the seat in his victoria; his daughter and Lanfear
leaned on the wall, and looked up to the sky and out
to the sea, both of the same blue.
The palms and eucalyptus-trees darkened
about the villas; the bits of vineyard, in their lingering
crimson or lingering gold, and the orchards of peaches
and persimmons enriched with the varying reds of their
ripening leaves and fruits the enchanting color scheme.
The rose and geranium hedges were in bloom; the feathery
green of the pepper-trees was warmed by the red-purple
of their grape-like clusters of blossoms; the perfume
of lemon flowers wandered vaguely upwards from some
point which they could not fix.
Nothing of all the beauty seemed lost
upon the girl, so bereft that she could enjoy no part
of it from association. Lanfear observed that
she was not fatigued by any such effort as he was
always helplessly making to match what he saw with
something he had seen before. Now, when this
effort betrayed itself, she said, smiling: “How
strange it is that you see things for what they are
like, and not for what they are!”
“Yes, it’s a defect, I’m afraid,
sometimes. Perhaps ”
“Perhaps what?” she prompted him in the
pause he made.
“Nothing. I was wondering
whether in some other possible life our consciousness
would not be more independent of what we have been
than it seems to be here.” She looked askingly
at him. “I mean whether there shall not
be something absolute in our existence, whether it
shall not realize itself more in each experience of
the moment, and not be always seeking to verify itself
from the past.”
“Isn’t that what you think
is the way with me already?” She turned upon
him smiling, and he perceived that in her New York
version of a Parisian costume, with her lace hat of
summer make and texture and the vivid parasol she
twirled upon her shoulder, she was not only a very
pretty girl, but a fashionable one. There was
something touching in the fact, and a little bewildering.
To the pretty girl, the fashionable girl, he could
have answered with a joke, but the stricken intelligence
had a claim to his seriousness. Now, especially,
he noted what had from time to time urged itself upon
his perception. If the broken ties which once
bound her to the past were beginning to knit again,
her recovery otherwise was not apparent. As she
stood there her beauty had signally the distinction
of fragility, the delicacy of shattered nerves in which
there was yet no visible return to strength. A
feeling, which had intimated itself before, a sense
as of being in the presence of a disembodied spirit,
possessed him, and brought, in its contradiction of
an accepted theory, a suggestion that was destined
to become conviction. He had always said to himself
that there could be no persistence of personality,
of character, of identity, of consciousness, except
through memory; yet here, to the last implication
of temperament, they all persisted. The soul
that was passing in its integrity through time without
the helps, the crutches, of remembrance by which his
own personality supported itself, why should not it
pass so through eternity without that loss of identity
which was equivalent to annihilation?
Her waiting eyes recalled him from
his inquiry, and with an effort he answered, “Yes,
I think you do have your being here and now, Miss
Gerald, to an unusual degree.”
“And you don’t think that is wrong?”
“Wrong? Why? How?”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
She looked round, and her eye fell upon her father
waiting for them in his carriage beside the walk.
The sight supplied her with the notion which Lanfear
perceived would not have occurred otherwise.
“Then why doesn’t papa want me to remember
things?”
“I don’t know,” Lanfear temporized.
“Doesn’t he?”
“I can’t always tell.
Should should you wish me to remember
more than I do?”
“I?”
She looked at him with entreaty.
“Do you think it would make my father happier
if I did?”
“That I can’t say,”
Lanfear answered. “People are often the
sadder for what they remember. If I were your
father Excuse me! I don’t mean
anything so absurd. But in his place ”
He stopped, and she said, as if she
were satisfied with his broken reply: “It
is very curious. When I look at him when
I am with him I know him; but when he is
away, I don’t remember him.” She seemed
rather interested in the fact than distressed by it;
she even smiled.
“And me,” he ventured,
“is it the same with regard to me?”
She did not say; she asked, smiling:
“Do you remember me when I am away?”
“Yes!” he answered.
“As perfectly as if you were with me. I
can see you, hear you, feel the touch of your hand,
your dress Good heavens!” he added
to himself under his breath. “What am I
saying to this poor child!”
In the instinct of escaping from himself
he started forward, and she moved with him. Mr.
Gerald’s watchful driver followed them with the
carriage.
“That is very strange,”
she said, lightly. “Is it so with you about
everyone?”
“No,” he replied, briefly,
almost harshly. He asked, abruptly: “Miss
Gerald, are there any times when you know people in
their absence?”
“Just after I wake from a nap yes.
But it doesn’t last. That is, it seems
to me it doesn’t. I’m not sure.”
As they followed the winding of the
pleasant way, with the villas on the slopes above
and on the slopes below, she began to talk of them,
and to come into that knowledge of each which formed
her remembrance of them from former knowledge of them,
but which he knew would fade when she passed them.
The next morning, when she came down
unwontedly late to breakfast in their pavilion, she
called gayly:
“Dr. Lanfear! It is Dr. Lanfear?”
“I should be sorry if it were
not, since you seem to expect it, Miss Gerald.”
“Oh, I just wanted to be sure.
Hasn’t my father been here, yet?” It was
the first time she had shown herself aware of her father
except in his presence, as it was the first time she
had named Lanfear to his face.
He suppressed a remote stir of anxiety,
and answered: “He went to get his newspapers;
he wished you not to wait. I hope you slept well?”
“Splendidly. But I was
very tired last night; I don’t know why, exactly.”
“We had rather a long walk.”
“Did we have a walk yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“Then it was so!
I thought I had dreamed it. I was beginning to
remember something, and my father asked me what it
was, and then I couldn’t remember. Do you
believe I shall keep on remembering?”
“I don’t see why you shouldn’t.”
“Should you wish me to?”
she asked, in evident, however unconscious, recurrence
to their talk of the day before.
“Why not?”
She sighed. “I don’t
know. If it’s like some of those dreams
or gleams. Is remembering pleasant?”
Lanfear thought for a moment.
Then he said, in the honesty he thought best to use
with her: “For the most part I should say
it was painful. Life is tolerable enough while
it passes, but when it is past, what remains seems
mostly to hurt and humiliate. I don’t know
why we should remember so insistently the foolish
things and wrong things we do, and not recall the
times when we acted, without an effort, wisely and
rightly.” He thought he had gone too far,
and he hedged a little. “I don’t
mean that we can’t recall those times.
We can and do, to console and encourage ourselves;
but they don’t recur, without our willing, as
the others do.”
She had poured herself a cup of coffee,
and she played with the spoon in her saucer while
she seemed to listen. But she could not have been
listening, for when she put down her spoon and leaned
back in her chair, she said: “In those
dreams the things come from such a very far way back,
and they don’t belong to a life that is like
this. They belong to a life like what you hear
the life after this is. We are the same as we
are here; but the things are different. We haven’t
the same rules, the same wishes I can’t
explain.”
“You mean that we are differently conditioned?”
“Yes. And if you can understand,
I feel as if I remembered long back of this, and long
forward of this. But one can’t remember
forward!”
“That wouldn’t be remembrance;
no, it would be prescience; and your consciousness
here, as you were saying yesterday, is through knowing,
not remembering.”
She stared at him. “Was
that yesterday? I thought it was to-morrow.”
She rubbed her hand across her forehead as people do
when they wish to clear their minds. Then she
sighed deeply. “It tires me so. And
yet I can’t help trying.” A light
broke over her face at the sound of a step on the
gravel walk near by, and she said, laughing, without
looking round: “That is papa! I knew
it was his step.”
V
Such return of memory as she now had
was like memory in what we call the lower lives.
It increased, fluctuantly, with an ebb in which it
almost disappeared, but with a flow that in its advance
carried it beyond its last flood-tide mark. After
the first triumph in which she could address Lanfear
by his name, and could greet her father as her father,
there were lapses in which she knew them as before,
without naming them. Except mechanically to repeat
the names of other people when reminded of them, she
did not pass beyond cognition to recognition.
Events still left no trace upon her; or if they did
she was not sure whether they were things she had
dreamed or experienced. But her memory grew stronger
in the region where the bird knows its way home to
the nest, or the bee to the hive. She had an
unerring instinct for places where she had once been,
and she found her way to them again without the help
from the association which sometimes failed Lanfear.
Their walks were always taken with her father’s
company in his carriage, but they sometimes left him
at a point of the Berigo Road, and after a long detour
among the vineyards and olive orchards of the heights
above, rejoined him at another point they had agreed
upon with him. One afternoon, when Lanfear had
climbed the rough pave of the footways with her to
one of the summits, they stopped to rest on the wall
of a terrace, where they sat watching the changing
light on the sea, through a break in the trees.
The shadows surprised them on their height, and they
had to make their way among them over the farm paths
and by the dry beds of the torrents to the carriage
road far below. They had been that walk only once
before, and Lanfear failed of his reckoning, except
the downward course which must bring them out on the
high-road at last. But Miss Gerald’s instinct
saved them where his reason failed. She did not
remember, but she knew the way, and she led him on
as if she were inventing it, or as if it had been
indelibly traced upon her mind and she had only to
follow the mystical lines within to be sure of her
course. She confessed to being very tired, and
each step must have increased her fatigue, but each
step seemed to clear her perception of the next to
be taken.
Suddenly, when Lanfear was blaming
himself for bringing all this upon her, and then for
trusting to her guidance, he recognized a certain
peasant’s house, and in a few moments they had
descended the olive-orchard terraces to a broken cistern
in the clear twilight beyond the dusk. She suddenly
halted him. “There, there! It happened
then now this instant!”
“What?”
“That feeling of being here
before! There is the curb of the old cistern;
and the place where the terrace wall is broken; and
the path up to the vineyard Don’t
you feel it, too?” she demanded, with a joyousness
which had no pleasure for him.
“Yes, certainly. We were
here last week. We went up the path to the farm-house
to get some water.”
“Yes, now I am remembering remembering!”
She stood with eagerly parted lips, and glancing quickly
round with glowing eyes, whose light faded in the
same instant. “No!” she said, mournfully,
“it’s gone.”
A sound of wheels in the road ceased,
and her father’s voice called: “Don’t
you want to take my place, and let me walk awhile,
Nannie?”
“No. You come to me, papa.
Something very strange has happened; something you
will be surprised at. Hurry!” She seemed
to be joking, as he was, while she beckoned him impatiently
towards her.
He had left his carriage, and he came
up with a heavy man’s quickened pace. “Well,
what is the wonderful thing?” he panted out.
She stared blankly at him, without
replying, and they silently made their way to Mr.
Gerald’s carriage.
“I lost the way, and Miss Gerald
found it,” Lanfear explained, as he helped her
to the place beside her father.
She said nothing, and almost with
sinking into the seat, she sank into that deep slumber
which from time to time overtook her.
“I didn’t know we had
gone so far or rather that we had waited
so long before we started down the hills,” Lanfear
apologized in an involuntary whisper.
“Oh, it’s all right,”
her father said, trying to adjust the girl’s
fallen head to his shoulder. “Get in and
help me ”
Lanfear obeyed, and lent a physician’s
skilled aid, which left the cumbrous efforts of her
father to the blame he freely bestowed on them.
“You’ll have to come here on the other
side,” he said. “There’s room
enough for all three. Or, hold on! Let me
take your place.” He took the place in
front, and left her to Lanfear’s care, with the
trust which was the physician’s right, and with
a sense of the girl’s dependence in which she
was still a child to him.
They did not speak till well on the
way home. Then the father leaned forward and
whispered huskily: “Do you think she’s
as strong as she was?”
Lanfear waited, as if thinking the
facts over. He murmured back: “No.
She’s better. She’s not so strong.”
“Yes,” the father murmured. “I
understand.”
What Gerald understood by Lanfear’s
words might not have been their meaning, but what
Lanfear meant was that there was now an interfusion
of the past and present in her daily experience.
She still did not remember, but she had moments in
which she hovered upon such knowledge of what had
happened as she had of actual events. When she
was stronger she seemed farther from this knowledge;
when she was weaker she was nearer it. So it
seemed to him in that region where he could be sure
of his own duty when he looked upon it singly as concern
for her health. No inquiry for the psychological
possibilities must be suffered to divide his effort
for her physical recovery, though there might come
with this a cessation of the timeless dream-state
in which she had her being, and she might sharply
realize the past, as the anaesthete realizes his return
to agony from insensibility. The quality of her
mind was as different from the thing called culture
as her manner from convention. A simplicity beyond
the simplicity of childhood was one with a poetic
color in her absolute ideas. But this must cease
with her restoration to the strength in which she
could alone come into full and clear self-consciousness.
So far as Lanfear could give reality to his occupation
with her disability, he was ministering to a mind diseased;
not to “rase out its written trouble,”
but if possible to restore the obliterated record,
and enable her to spell its tragic characters.
If he could, he would have shrunk from this office;
but all the more because he specially had to do with
the mystical side of medicine, he always tried to
keep his relation to her free from personal feeling,
and his aim single and matter-of-fact.
It was hard to do this; and there
was a glamour in the very topographical and meteorological
environment. The autumn was a long delight in
which the constant sea, the constant sky, knew almost
as little variance as the unchanging Alps. The
days passed in a procession of sunny splendor, neither
hot nor cold, nor of the temper of any determinate
season, unless it were an abiding spring-time.
The flowers bloomed, and the grass kept green in a
reverie of May. But one afternoon of January,
while Lanfear was going about in a thin coat and panama
hat, a soft, fresh wind began to blow from the east.
It increased till sunset, and then fell. In the
morning he looked out on a world in which the spring
had stiffened overnight into winter. A thick frost
painted the leaves and flowers; icicles hung from
pipes and vents; the frozen streams flashed back from
their arrested flow the sun as it shone from the cold
heaven, and blighted and blackened the hedges of geranium
and rose, the borders of heliotrope, the fields of
pinks. The leaves of the bananas hung limp about
their stems; the palms rattled like skeletons in the
wind when it began to blow again over the shrunken
landscape.
VI
The caprice of a climate which vaunted
itself perpetual summer was a godsend to all the strangers
strong enough to bear it without suffering. For
the sick an indoor life of huddling about the ineffectual
fires of the south began, and lasted for the fortnight
that elapsed before the Riviera got back its advertised
temperature. Miss Gerald had drooped in the milder
weather; but the cold braced and lifted her, and with
its help she now pushed her walks farther, and was
eager every day for some excursion to the little towns
that whitened along the shores, or the villages that
glimmered from the olive-orchards of the hills.
Once she said to Lanfear, when they were climbing
through the brisk, clear air: “It seems
to me as if I had been here before. Have I?”
“No. This is the first time.”
She said no more, but seemed disappointed
in his answer, and he suggested: “Perhaps
it is the cold that reminds you of our winters at
home, and makes you feel that the scene is familiar.”
“Yes, that is it!” she
returned, joyously. “Was there snow, there,
like that on the mountains yonder?”
“A good deal more, I fancy.
That will be gone in a few days, and at home, you
know, our snow lasts for weeks.”
“Then that is what I was thinking
of,” she said, and she ran strongly and lightly
forward. “Come!”
When the harsh weather passed and
the mild climate returned there was no lapse of her
strength. A bloom, palely pink as the flowers
that began to flush the almond-trees, came upon her
delicate beauty, a light like that of the lengthening
days dawned in her eyes. She had an instinct for
the earliest violets among the grass under the olives;
she was first to hear the blackcaps singing in the
garden-tops; and nothing that was novel in her experience
seemed alien to it. This was the sum of what Lanfear
got by the questioning which he needlessly tried to
keep indirect. She knew that she was his patient,
and in what manner, and she had let him divine that
her loss of memory was suffering as well as deprivation.
She had not merely the fatigue which we all undergo
from the effort to recall things, and which sometimes
reaches exhaustion; but there was apparently in the
void of her oblivion a perpetual rumor of events, names,
sensations, like Lanfear felt that he inadequately
conjectured the subjective noises which
are always in the ears of the deaf. Sometimes,
in the distress of it, she turned to him for help,
and when he was able to guess what she was striving
for, a radiant relief and gratitude transfigured her
face. But this could not last, and he learned
to note how soon the stress and tension of her effort
returned. His compassion for her at such times
involved a temptation, or rather a question, which
he had to silence by a direct effort of his will.
Would it be worse, would it be greater anguish for
her to know at once the past that now tormented her
consciousness with its broken and meaningless reverberations?
Then he realized that it was impossible to help her
even through the hazard of telling her what had befallen;
that no such effect as was to be desired could be
anticipated from the outside.
If he turned to her father for counsel
or instruction, or even a participation in his responsibility,
he was met by an optimistic patience which exasperated
him, if it did not complicate the case. Once,
when Lanfear forbearingly tried to share with him his
anxiety for the effect of a successful event, he was
formed to be outright, and remind him, in so many
words, that the girl’s restoration might be through
anguish which he could not measure.
Gerald faltered aghast; then he said:
“It mustn’t come to that; you mustn’t
let it.”
“How do you expect me to prevent
it?” Lanfear demanded, in his vexation.
Gerald caught his breath. “If
she gets well, she will remember?”
“I don’t say that.
It seems probable. Do you wish her being to remain
bereft of one-half its powers?”
“Oh, how do I know what I want?”
the poor man groaned. “I only know that
I trust you entirely, Doctor Lanfear. Whatever
you think best will be best and wisest, no matter
what the outcome is.”
He got away from Lanfear with these
hopeless words, and again Lanfear perceived that the
case was left wholly to him. His consolation was
the charm of the girl’s companionship, the delight
of a nature knowing itself from moment to moment as
if newly created. For her, as nearly as he could
put the fact into words, the actual moment contained
the past and the future as well as the present.
When he saw in her the persistence of an exquisite
personality independent of the means by which he realized
his own continuous identity, he sometimes felt as if
in the presence of some angel so long freed from earthly
allegiance that it had left all record behind, as
we leave here the records of our first years.
If an echo of the past reached her, it was apt to be
trivial and insignificant, like those unimportant
experiences of our remotest childhood, which remain
to us from a world outlived.
It was not an insipid perfection of
character which reported itself in these celestial
terms, and Lanfear conjectured that angelic immortality,
if such a thing were, could not imply perfection except
at the cost of one-half of human character. When
the girl wore a dress that she saw pleased him more
than another, there was a responsive pleasure in her
eyes, which he could have called vanity if he would;
and she had at times a wilfulness which he could have
accused of being obstinacy. She showed a certain
jealousy of any experiences of his apart from her own,
not because they included others, but because they
excluded her. He was aware of an involuntary
vigilance in her, which could not leave his motives
any more than his actions unsearched. But in her
conditioning she could not repent; she could only
offer him at some other time the unconscious reparation
of her obedience. The self-criticism which the
child has not learned she had forgotten, but in her
oblivion the wish to please existed as perfectly as
in the ignorance of childhood.
This, so far as he could ever put
into words, was the interior of the world where he
dwelt apart with her. Its exterior continued very
like that of other worlds where two young people have
their being. Now and then a more transitory guest
at the Grand Hotel Sardegna perhaps fancied it the
iridescent orb which takes the color of the morning
sky, and is destined, in the course of nature, to
the danger of collapse in which planetary space abounds.
Some rumor of this could not fail to reach Lanfear,
but he ignored it as best he could in always speaking
gravely of Miss Gerald as his patient, and authoritatively
treating her as such. He convinced some of these
witnesses against their senses; for the others, he
felt that it mattered little what they thought, since,
if it reached her, it could not pierce her isolation
for more than the instant in which the impression
from absent things remained to her.
A more positive embarrassment, of
a kind Lanfear was not prepared for, beset him in
an incident which would have been more touching if
he had been less singly concerned for the girl.
A pretty English boy, with the dawn of a peachy bloom
on his young cheeks, and an impulsiveness commoner
with English youth than our own, talked with Miss Gerald
one evening and the next day sent her an armful of
flowers with his card. He followed this attention
with a call at her father’s apartment, and after
Miss Gerald seemed to know him, and they had, as he
told Lanfear, a delightful time together, she took
up his card from the table where it was lying, and
asked him if he could tell her who that gentleman was.
The poor fellow’s inference was that she was
making fun of him, and he came to Lanfear, as an obvious
friend of the family, for an explanation. He
reported the incident, with indignant tears standing
in his eyes: “What did she mean by it?
If she took my flowers, she must have known that that they And
to pretend to forget my name! Oh, I say, it’s
too bad! She could have got rid of me without
that. Girls have ways enough, you know.”
“Yes, yes,” Lanfear assented,
slowly, to gain time. “I can assure you
that Miss Gerald didn’t mean anything that could
wound you. She isn’t very well she’s
rather odd ”
“Do you mean that she’s
out of her mind? She can talk as well as any
one better!”
“No, not that. But she’s
often in pain greatly in pain when she can’t
recall a name, and I’ve no doubt she was trying
to recall yours with the help of your card. She
would be the last in the world to be indifferent to
your feelings. I imagine she scarcely knew what
she was doing at the moment.”
“Then, do you think do
you suppose it would be any good my trying
to see her again? If she wouldn’t be indifferent
to my feelings, do you think there would be any hope Really,
you know, I would give anything to believe that my
feelings wouldn’t offend her. You understand
me?”
“Perhaps I do.”
“I’ve never met a more
charming girl and she isn’t engaged,
is she? She isn’t engaged to you?
I don’t mean to press the question, but it’s
a question of life and death with me, you know.”
Lanfear thought he saw his way out
of the coil. “I can tell you, quite as
frankly as you ask, that Miss Gerald isn’t engaged
to me.”
“Then it’s somebody else somebody
in America! Well, I hope she’ll be happy;
I never shall.” He offered his hand
to Lanfear. “I’m off.”
“Oh, here’s the doctor,
now,” a voice said behind them where they stood
by the garden wall, and they turned to confront Gerald
with his daughter.
“Why! Are you going?”
she said to the Englishman, and she put out her hand
to him.
“Yes, Mr. Evers is going.” Lanfear
came to the rescue.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the girl said,
and the youth responded.
“That’s very good of you.
I good-by! I hope you’ll be very
happy I ” He turned abruptly
away, and ran into the hotel.
“What has he been crying for?”
Miss Gerald asked, turning from a long look after
him.
Lanfear did not know quite what to
say; but he hazarded saying: “He was hurt
that you had forgotten him when he came to see you
this afternoon.”
“Did he come to see me?”
she asked; and Lanfear exchanged looks of anxiety,
pain, and reassurance with her father. “I
am so sorry. Shall I go after him and tell him?”
“No; I explained; he’s all right,”
Lanfear said.
“You want to be careful, Nannie,”
her father added, “about people’s feelings
when you meet them, and afterwards seem not to know
them.”
“But I do know them, papa,” she
remonstrated.
“You want to be careful,” her father repeated.
“I will I will, indeed.”
Her lips quivered, and the tears came, which Lanfear
had to keep from flowing by what quick turn he could
give to something else.
An obscure sense of the painful incident
must have lingered with her after its memory had perished.
One afternoon when Lanfear and her father went with
her to the military concert in the sycamore-planted
piazza near the Vacherie Suisse, where they often
came for a cup of tea, she startled them by bowing
gayly to a young lieutenant of engineers standing
there with some other officers, and making the most
of the prospect of pretty foreigners which the place
afforded. The lieutenant returned the bow with
interest, and his eyes did not leave their party as
long as they remained. Within the bounds of deference
for her, it was evident that his comrades were joking
about the honor done him by this charming girl.
When the Geralds started homeward Lanfear was aware
of a trio of officers following them, not conspicuously,
but unmistakably; and after that, he could not start
on his walks with Miss Gerald and her father without
the sense that the young lieutenant was hovering somewhere
in their path, waiting in the hopes of another bow
from her. The officer was apparently not discouraged
by his failure to win recognition from her, and what
was amounting to annoyance for Lanfear reached the
point where he felt he must share it with her father.
He had nearly as much trouble in imparting it to him
as he might have had with Miss Gerald herself.
He managed, but when he required her father to put
a stop to it he perceived that Gerald was as helpless
as she would have been. He first wished to verify
the fact from its beginning with her, but this was
not easy.
“Nannie,” he said, “why
did you bow to that officer the other day?”
“What officer, papa? When?”
“You know; there by the band-stand, at the Swiss
Dairy.”
She stared blankly at him, and it
was clear that it was all as if it had not been with
her. He insisted, and then she said: “Perhaps
I thought I knew him, and was afraid I should hurt
his feelings if I didn’t recognize him.
But I don’t remember it at all.” The
curves of her mouth drooped, and her eyes grieved,
so that her father had not the heart to say more.
She left them, and when he was alone with Lanfear he
said:
“You see how it is!”
“Yes, I saw how it was before. But what
do you wish to do?”
“Do you mean that he will keep it up?”
“Decidedly, he’ll keep
it up. He has every right to from his point of
view.”
“Oh, well, then, my dear fellow,
you must stop it, somehow. You’ll know
how to do it.”
“I?” said Lanfear, indignantly;
but his vexation was not so great that he did not
feel a certain pleasure in fulfilling this strangest
part of his professional duty, when at the beginning
of their next excursion he put Miss Gerald into the
victoria with her father and fell back to the
point at which he had seen the lieutenant waiting to
haunt their farther progress. He put himself
plumply in front of the officer and demanded in very
blunt Italian: “What do you want?”
The lieutenant stared him over with
potential offence, in which his delicately pencilled
mustache took the shape of a light sneer, and demanded
in his turn, in English much better than Lanfear’s
Italian: “What right have you to ask?”
“The right of Miss Gerald’s
physician. She is an invalid in my charge.”
A change quite indefinable except
as the visible transition from coxcomb to gentleman
passed over the young lieutenant’s comely face.
“An invalid?” he faltered.
“Yes,” Lanfear began;
and then, with a rush of confidence which the change
in the officer’s face justified, “one very
strangely, very tragically afflicted. Since she
saw her mother killed in an accident a year ago she
remembers nothing. She bowed to you because she
saw you looking at her, and supposed you must be an
acquaintance. May I assure you that you are altogether
mistaken?”
The lieutenant brought his heels together,
and bent low. “I beg her pardon with all
my heart. I am very, very sorry. I will do
anything I can. I would like to stop that.
May I bring my mother to call on Miss Gerald?”
He offered his hand, and Lanfear wrung
it hard, a lump of gratitude in his throat choking
any particular utterance, while a fine shame for his
late hostile intention covered him.
When the lieutenant came, with all
possible circumstance, bringing the countess, his
mother, Mr. Gerald overwhelmed them with hospitality
of every form. The Italian lady responded effusively,
and more sincerely cooed and murmured her compassionate
interest in his daughter. Then all parted the
best of friends; but when it was over, Miss Gerald
did not know what it had been about. She had
not remembered the lieutenant or her father’s
vexation, or any phase of the incident which was now
closed. Nothing remained of it but the lieutenant’s
right, which he gravely exercised, of saluting them
respectfully whenever he met them.
VII
Earlier, Lanfear had never allowed
himself to be far out of call from Miss Gerald’s
father, especially during the daytime slumbers into
which she fell, and from which they both always dreaded
her awakening. But as the days went on and the
event continued the same he allowed himself greater
range. Formerly the three went their walks or
drives together, but now he sometimes went alone.
In these absences he found relief from the stress
of his constant vigilance; he was able to cast off
the bond which enslaves the physician to his patient,
and which he must ignore at times for mere self-preservation’s
sake; but there was always a lurking anxiety, which,
though he refused to let it define itself to him,
shortened the time and space he tried to put between
them.
One afternoon in April, when he left
her sleeping, he was aware of somewhat recklessly
placing himself out of reach in a lonely excursion
to a village demolished by the earthquake of 1887,
and abandoned himself, in the impressions and incidents
of his visit to the ruin, to a luxury of impersonal
melancholy which the physician cannot often allow
himself. At last, his care found him, and drove
him home full of a sharper fear than he had yet felt
since the first days. But Mr. Gerald was tranquilly
smoking under a palm in the hotel garden, and met him
with an easy smile. “She woke once, and
said she had had such a pleasant dream. Now she’s
off again. Do you think we’d better wake
her for dinner? I suppose she’s getting
up her strength in this way. Her sleeping so
much is a good symptom, isn’t it?”
Lanfear smiled forlornly; neither
of them, in view of the possible eventualities, could
have said what result they wished the symptoms to
favor. But he said: “Decidedly I wouldn’t
wake her”; and he spent a night of restless
sleep penetrated by a nervous expectation which the
morning, when it came, rather mockingly defeated.
Miss Gerald appeared promptly at breakfast
in their pavilion, with a fresher and gayer look than
usual, and to her father’s “Well, Nannie,
you have had a nap, this time,” she answered,
smiling:
“Have I? It isn’t afternoon, is it?”
“No, it’s morning. You’ve napped
it all night.”
She said: “I can’t
tell whether I’ve been asleep or not, sometimes;
but now I know I have been; and I feel so rested.
Where are we going to-day?”
She turned to Lanfear while her father
answered: “I guess the doctor won’t
want to go very far, to-day, after his expedition yesterday
afternoon.”
“Ah,” she said, “I
knew you had been somewhere! Was it very
far? Are you too tired?”
“It was rather far, but I’m
not tired. I shouldn’t advise Possana,
though.”
“Possana?” she repeated. “What
is Possana?”
He told her, and then at a jealous
look in her eyes he added an account of his excursion.
He heightened, if anything, its difficulties, in making
light of them as no difficulties for him, and at the
end she said, gently: “Shall we go this
morning?”
“Let the doctor rest this morning,
Nannie,” her father interrupted, whimsically,
but with what Lanfear knew to be an inner yielding
to her will. “Or if you won’t let
him, let me. I don’t want
to go anywhere this morning.”
Lanfear thought that he did not wish
her to go at all, and hoped that by the afternoon
she would have forgotten Possana. She sighed,
but in her sigh there was no concession. Then,
with the chance of a returning drowse to save him
from openly thwarting her will, he merely suggested:
“There’s plenty of time in the afternoon;
the days are so long now; and we can get the sunset
from the hills.”
“Yes, that will be nice,”
she said, but he perceived that she did not assent
willingly; and there was an effect of resolution in
the readiness with which she appeared dressed for
the expedition after luncheon. She clearly did
not know where they were going, but when she turned
to Lanfear with her look of entreaty, he had not the
heart to join her father in any conspiracy against
her. He beckoned the carriage which had become
conscious in its eager driver from the moment she showed
herself at the hotel door, and they set out.
When they had left the higher level
of the hotel and began their clatter through the long
street of the town, Lanfear noted that she seemed to
feel as much as himself the quaintness of the little
city, rising on one hand, with its narrow alleys under
successive arches between the high, dark houses, to
the hills, and dropping on the other to sea from the
commonplace of the principal thoroughfare, with its
pink and white and saffron hotels and shops.
Beyond the town their course lay under villa walls,
covered with vines and topped by pavilions, and opening
finally along a stretch of the old Cornice road.
“But this,” she said,
at a certain point, “is where we were yesterday!”
“This is where the doctor was
yesterday,” her father said, behind his cigar.
“And wasn’t I with you?” she asked
Lanfear.
He said, playfully: “To-day
you are. I mustn’t be selfish and have you
every day.”
“Ah, you are laughing at me;
but I know I was here yesterday.”
Her father set his lips in patience,
and Lanfear did not insist.
They had halted at this point because,
across a wide valley on the shoulder of an approaching
height, the ruined village of Possana showed, and
lower down and nearer the seat the new town which its
people had built when they escaped from the destruction
of their world-old home.
World-old it all was, with reference
to the human life of it; but the spring-time was immortally
young in the landscape. Over the expanses of
green and brown fields, and hovering about the gray
and white cottages, was a mist of peach and cherry
blossoms. Above these the hoar olives thickened,
and the vines climbed from terrace to terrace.
The valley narrowed inland, and ceased in the embrace
of the hills drawing mysteriously together in the
distances.
“I think we’ve got the
best part of it here, Miss Gerald,” Lanfear broke
the common silence by saying. “You couldn’t
see much more of Possana after you got there.”
“Besides,” her father
ventured a pleasantry which jarred on the younger
man, “if you were there with the doctor yesterday,
you won’t want to make the climb again to-day.
Give it up, Nannie!”
“Oh no,” she said, “I can’t
give it up.”
“Well, then, we must go on, I suppose.
Where do we begin our climb?”
Lanfear explained that he had been
obliged to leave his carriage at the foot of the hill,
and climb to Possana Nuova by the donkey-paths of the
peasants. He had then walked to the ruins of Possana
Vecchia, but he suggested that they might find donkeys
to carry them on from the new town.
“Well, I hope so,” Mr.
Gerald grumbled. But at Possana Nuova no saddle-donkeys
were to be had, and he announced, at the cafe where
they stopped for the negotiation, that he would wait
for the young people to go on to Possana Vecchia,
and tell him about it when they got back. In
the meantime he would watch the game of ball, which,
in the piazza before the cafe, appeared to have engaged
the energies of the male population. Lanfear
was still inwardly demurring, when a stalwart peasant
girl came in and announced that she had one donkey
which they could have with her own services driving
it. She had no saddle, but there was a pad on
which the young lady could ride.
“Oh, well, take it for Nannie,”
Mr. Gerald directed; “only don’t be gone
too long.”
They set out with Miss Gerald reclining
in the kind of litter which the donkey proved to be
equipped with. Lanfear went beside her, the peasant
girl came behind, and at times ran forward to instruct
them in the points they seemed to be looking at.
For the most part the landscape opened beneath them,
but in the azure distances it climbed into Alpine
heights which the recent snows had now left to the
gloom of their pines. On the slopes of the nearer
hills little towns clung, here and there; closer yet
farm-houses showed themselves among the vines and olives.
It was very simple, as the life in
it must always have been; and Lanfear wondered if
the elemental charm of the scene made itself felt by
his companion as they climbed the angles of the inclines,
in a silence broken only by the picking of the donkey’s
hoofs on the rude mosaic of the pavement, and the
panting of the peasant girl at its heels. On the
top of the last upward stretch they stopped for the
view, and Miss Gerald asked abruptly: “Why
were you so sad?”
“When was I sad?” he asked, in turn.
“I don’t know. Weren’t you
sad?”
“When I was here yesterday,
you mean?” She smiled on his fortunate guess,
and he said: “Oh, I don’t know.
It might have begun with thinking
’Of old, unhappy, far-off
things,
And battles long ago.’
You know the pirates used to come
sailing over the peaceful sea yonder from Africa,
to harry these coasts, and carry off as many as they
could capture into slavery in Tunis and Algiers.
It was a long, dumb kind of misery that scarcely made
an echo in history, but it haunted my fancy yesterday,
and I saw these valleys full of the flight and the
pursuit which used to fill them, up to the walls of
the villages, perched on the heights where men could
have built only for safety. Then, I got to thinking
of other things ”
“And thinking of things in the
past always makes you sad,” she said, in pensive
reflection. “If it were not for the wearying
of always trying to remember, I don’t believe
I should want my memory back. And of course to
be like other people,” she ended with a sigh.
It was on his tongue to say that he
would not have her so; but he checked himself, and
said, lamely enough: “Perhaps you will be
like them, sometime.”
She startled him by answering irrelevantly:
“You know my mother is dead. She died a
long while ago; I suppose I must have been very little.”
She spoke as if the fact scarcely
concerned her, and Lanfear drew a breath of relief
in his surprise. He asked, at another tangent:
“What made you think I was sad yesterday?”
“Oh, I knew, somehow. I
think that I always know when you are sad; I can’t
tell you how, but I feel it.”
“Then I must cheer up,”
Lanfear said. “If I could only see you strong
and well, Miss Gerald, like this girl ”
They both looked at the peasant, and
she laughed in sympathy with their smiling, and beat
the donkey a little for pleasure; it did not mind.
“But you will be you
will be! We must hurry on, now, or your father
will be getting anxious.”
They pushed forward on the road, which
was now level and wider than it had been. As
they drew near the town, whose ruin began more and
more to reveal itself in the roofless walls and windowless
casements, they saw a man coming towards them, at
whose approach Lanfear instinctively put himself forward.
The man did not look at them, but passed, frowning
darkly, and muttering and gesticulating.
Miss Gerald turned in her litter and
followed him with a long gaze. The peasant girl
said gayly in Italian: “He is mad; the earthquake
made him mad,” and urged the donkey forward.
Lanfear, in the interest of science,
habitually forbade himself the luxury of anything
like foreboding, but now, with the passing of the
madman, he felt distinctively a lift from his spirit.
He no longer experienced the vague dread which had
followed him towards Possana, and made him glad of
any delay that kept them from it.
They entered the crooked, narrow street
leading abruptly from the open country without any
suburban hesitation into the heart of the ruin, which
kept a vivid image of uninterrupted mediaeval life.
There, till within the actual generation, people had
dwelt, winter and summer, as they had dwelt from the
beginning of Christian times, with nothing to intimate
a domestic or civic advance. This street must
have been the main thoroughfare, for stone-paved lanes,
still narrower, wound from it here and there, while
it kept a fairly direct course to the little piazza
on a height in the midst of the town. Two churches
and a simple town house partly enclosed it with their
seamed and shattered façades. The dwellings here
were more ruinous than on the thoroughfare, and some
were tumbled in heaps. But Lanfear pushed open
the door of one of the churches, and found himself
in an interior which, except that it was roofless,
could not have been greatly changed since the people
had flocked into it to pray for safety from the earthquake.
The high altar stood unshaken; around the frieze a
succession of stucco cherubs perched, under the open
sky, in celestial security.
He had learned to look for the unexpected
in Miss Gerald, and he could not have said that it
was with surprise he now found her as capable of the
emotions which the place inspired, as himself.
He made sure of saying: “The earthquake,
you know,” and she responded with compassion:
“Oh yes; and perhaps that poor
man was here, praying with the rest, when it happened.
How strange it must all have seemed to them, here where
they lived so safely always! They thought such
a dreadful thing could happen to others, but not to
them. That is the way!”
It seemed to Lanfear once more that
she was on the verge of the knowledge so long kept
from her. But she went confidently on like a
sleepwalker who saves himself from dangers that would
be death to him in waking. She spoke of the earthquake
as if she had been reading or hearing of it; but he
doubted if, with her broken memory, this could be
so. It was rather as if she was exploring his
own mind in the way of which he had more than once
been sensible, and making use of his memory.
From time to time she spoke of remembering, but he
knew that this was as the blind speak of seeing.
He was anxious to get away, and at
last they came out to where they had left the peasant
girl waiting beside her donkey. She was not there,
and after trying this way and that in the tangle of
alleys, Lanfear decided to take the thoroughfare which
they had come up by and trust to the chance of finding
her at its foot. But he failed even of his search
for the street: he came out again and again at
the point he had started from.
“What is the matter?”
she asked at the annoyance he could not keep out of
his face.
He laughed. “Oh, merely
that we’re lost. But we will wait here till
that girl chooses to come back for us. Only it’s
getting late, and Mr. Gerald ”
“Why, I know the way down,”
she said, and started quickly in a direction which,
as they kept it, he recognized as the route by which
he had emerged from the town the day before.
He had once more the sense of his memory being used
by her, as if being blind, she had taken his hand for
guidance, or as if being herself disabled from writing,
she had directed a pen in his grasp to form the words
she desired to put down. In some mystical sort
the effect was hers, but the means was his.
They found the girl waiting with the
donkey by the roadside beyond the last house.
She explained that, not being able to follow them into
the church with her donkey, she had decided to come
where they found her and wait for them there.
“Does no one at all live here?”
Lanfear asked, carelessly.
“Among the owls and the spectres?
I would not pass a night here for a lemonade!
My mother,” she went on, with a natural pride
in the event, “was lost in the earthquake.
They found her with me before her breast, and her
arms stretched out keeping the stones away.”
She vividly dramatized the fact. “I was
alive, but she was dead.”
“Tell her,” Miss Gerald
said, “that my mother is dead, too.”
“Ah, poor little thing!”
the girl said, when the message was delivered, and
she put her beast in motion, chattering gayly to Miss
Gerald in the bond of their common orphanhood.
The return was down-hill, and they
went back in half the time it had taken them to come.
But even with this speed they were late, and the twilight
was deepening when the last turn of their road brought
them in sight of the new village. There a wild
noise of cries for help burst upon the air, mixed
with the shrill sound of maniac gibbering. They
saw a boy running towards the town, and nearer them
a man struggling with another, whom he had caught
about the middle, and was dragging towards the side
of the road where it dropped, hundreds of feet, into
the gorge below.
The donkey-girl called out: “Oh,
the madman! He is killing the signor!”
Lanfear shouted. The madman flung
Gerald to the ground, and fled shrieking. Miss
Gerald had leaped from her seat, and followed Lanfear
as he ran forward to the prostrate form. She
did not look at it, but within a few paces she clutched
her hands in her hair, and screamed out: “Oh,
my mother is killed!” and sank, as if sinking
down into the earth, in a swoon.
“No, no; it’s all right,
Nannie! Look after her, Lanfear! I’m
not hurt. I let myself go in that fellow’s
hands, and I fell softly. It was a good thing
he didn’t drop me over the edge.”
Gerald gathered himself up nimbly enough, and lent
Lanfear his help with the girl. The situation
explained itself, almost without his incoherent additions,
to the effect that he had become anxious, and had
started out with the boy for a guide, to meet them,
and had met the lunatic, who suddenly attacked him.
While he talked, Lanfear was feeling the girl’s
pulse, and now and then putting his ear to her heart.
With a glance at her father: “You’re
bleeding, Mr. Gerald,” he said.
“So I am,” the old man
answered, smiling, as he wiped a red stream from his
face with his handkerchief. “But I am not
hurt ”
“Better let me tie it up,”
Lanfear said, taking the handkerchief from him.
He felt the unselfish quality in a man whom he had
not always thought heroic, and he bound the gash above
his forehead with a reverence mingling with his professional
gentleness. The donkey-girl had not ceased to
cry out and bless herself, but suddenly, as her care
was needed in getting Miss Gerald back to the litter,
she became a part of the silence in which the procession
made its way slowly into Possana Nuova, Lanfear going
on one side, and Mr. Gerald on the other to support
his daughter in her place. There was a sort of
muted outcry of the whole population awaiting them
at the door of the locanda where they had halted
before, and which now had the distinction of offering
them shelter in a room especially devoted to the poor
young lady, who still remained in her swoon.
When the landlord could prevail with
his fellow-townsmen and townswomen to disperse in
her interest, and had imposed silence upon his customers
indoors, Lanfear began his vigil beside his patient
in as great quiet as he could anywhere have had.
Once during the evening the public physician of the
district looked in, but he agreed with Lanfear that
nothing was to be done which he was not doing in his
greater experience of the case. From time to
time Gerald had suggested sending for some San Remo
physician in consultation. Lanfear had always
approved, and then Gerald had not persisted.
He was strongly excited, and anxious not so much for
his daughter’s recovery from her swoon, which
he did not doubt, as for the effect upon her when
she should have come to herself.
It was this which he wished to discuss,
sitting fallen back into his chair, or walking up
and down the room, with his head bound with a bloody
handkerchief, and looking, with a sort of alien picturesqueness,
like a kindly brigand.
Lanfear did not leave his place beside
the bed where the girl lay, white and still as if
dead. An inexpressible compassion for the poor
man filled his heart. Whatever the event should
be, it would be tragical for him. “Go to
sleep, Mr. Gerald,” he said. “Your
waking can do no good. I will keep watch, and
if need be, I’ll call you. Try to make yourself
easy on that couch.”
“I shall not sleep,” the
old man answered. “How could I?” Nevertheless,
he adjusted himself to the hard pillows of the lounge
where he had been sitting and drowsed among them.
He woke just before dawn with a start. “I
thought she had come to, and knew everything!
What a nightmare! Did I groan? Is there
any change?”
Lanfear, sitting by the bed, in the
light of the wasting candle, which threw a grotesque
shadow of him on the wall, shook his head. After
a moment he asked: “How long did you tell
me her swoon had lasted after the accident to her
mother?”
“I don’t think she recovered
consciousness for two days, and then she remembered
nothing. What do you think are the chances of
her remembering now?”
“I don’t know. But
there’s a kind of psychopathic logic If
she lost her memory through one great shock, she might
find it through another.”
“Yes, yes!” the father
said, rising and walking to and fro, in his anguish.
“That was what I thought what I was
afraid of. If I could die myself, and save her
from living through it I don’t know
what I’m saying! But if but
if if she could somehow be kept from it
a little longer! But she can’t, she can’t!
She must know it now when she wakes.”
Lanfear had put up his hand, and taken
the girl’s slim wrist quietly between his thumb
and finger, holding it so while her father talked on.
“I suppose it’s been a
sort of weakness a sort of wickedness in
me to wish to keep it from her; but I have
wished that, doctor; you must have seen it, and I
can’t deny it. We ought to bear what is
sent us in this world, and if we escape we must pay
for our escape. It has cost her half her being,
I know it; but it hasn’t cost her her reason,
and I’m afraid for that, if she comes into her
memory now. Still, you must do But
no one can do anything either to hinder or to help!”
He was talking in a husky undertone,
and brokenly, incoherently. He made an appeal,
which Lanfear seemed not to hear, where he remained
immovable with his hand on the girl’s pulse.
“Do you think I am to blame
for wishing her never to know it, though without it
she must remain deprived of one whole side of life?
Do you think my wishing that can have had anything
to do with keeping her But this faint may
pass and she may wake from it just as she has been.
It is logical that she should remember; but is it
certain that she will?”
A murmur, so very faint as to be almost
no sound at all, came like a response from the girl’s
lips, and she all but imperceptibly stirred.
Her father neither heard nor saw, but Lanfear started
forward. He made a sudden clutch at the girl’s
wrist with the hand that had not left it and then
remained motionless. “She will never remember
now here.”
He fell on his knees beside the bed
and began to sob. “Oh, my dearest!
My poor girl! My love!” still keeping her
wrist in his hand, and laying his head tenderly on
her arm. Suddenly he started, with a shout:
“The pulse!” and fell forward, crushing
his ear against her heart, and listened with bursts
of: “It’s beating! She isn’t
dead! She’s alive!” Then he lifted
her in his arms, and it was in his embrace that she
opened her eyes, and while she clung to him, entreated:
“My father! Where is he?”
A dread fell upon both the men, blighting
the joy with which they welcomed her back to life.
She took her father’s head between her hands,
and kissed his bruised face. “I thought
you were dead; and I thought that mamma ”
She stopped, and they waited breathless. “But
that was long ago, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” her father eagerly assented.
“Very long ago.”
“I remember,” she sighed.
“I thought that I was killed, too. Was it
all a dream?” Her father and Lanfear looked
at each other. Which should speak? “This
is Doctor Lanfear, isn’t it?” she asked,
with a dim smile. “And I’m not dreaming
now, am I?” He had released her from his arms,
but she held his hand fast. “I know it is
you, and papa; and yes, I remember everything.
That terrible pain of forgetting is gone! It’s
beautiful! But did he hurt you badly, papa?
I saw him, and I wanted to call to you. But mamma ”
However the change from the oblivion
of the past had been operated, it had been mercifully
wrought. As far as Lanfear could note it, in the
rapture of the new revelation to her which it scarcely
needed words to establish, the process was a gradual
return from actual facts to the things of yesterday
and then to the things of the day before, and so back
to the tragedy in which she had been stricken.
There was no sudden burst of remembrance, but a slow
unveiling of the reality in which her spirit was mystically
fortified against it. At times it seemed to him
that the effect was accomplished in her by supernatural
agencies such as, he remembered once somewhere reading,
attend the souls of those lately dead, and explore
their minds till every thought and deed of their earthly
lives, from the last to the first, is revealed to them
out of an inner memory which can never, any jot or
tittle, perish. It was as if this had remained
in her intact from the blow that shattered her outer
remembrance. When the final, long-dreaded horror
was reached, it was already a sorrow of the past,
suffered and accepted with the resignation which is
the close of grief, as of every other passion.
Love had come to her help in the time
of her need, but not love alone helped her live back
to the hour of that supreme experience and beyond
it. In the absorbing interest of her own renascence,
the shock, more than the injury which her father had
undergone, was ignored, if not neglected. Lanfear
had not, indeed, neglected it; but he could not help
ignoring it in his happiness, as he remembered afterwards
in the self-reproach which he would not let the girl
share with him. Nothing, he realized, could have
availed if everything had been done which he did not
do; but it remained a pang with him that he had so
dimly felt his duty to the gentle old man, even while
he did it. Gerald lived to witness his daughter’s
perfect recovery of the self so long lost to her;
he lived, with a joy more explicit than their own,
to see her the wife of the man to whom she was dearer
than love alone could have made her. He lived
beyond that time, rejoicing, if it may be so said,
in the fond memories of her mother which he had been
so long forbidden by her affliction to recall.
Then, after the spring of the Riviera had whitened
into summer, and San Remo hid, as well as it could,
its sunny glare behind its pines and palms, Gerald
suffered one long afternoon through the heat till
the breathless evening, and went early to bed.
He had been full of plans for spending the rest of
the summer at the little place in New England where
his daughter knew that her mother lay. In the
morning he did not wake.
“He gave his life that I might
have mine!” she lamented in the first wild grief.
“No, don’t say that, Nannie,”
her husband protested, calling her by the pet name
which her father always used. “He is dead;
but if we owe each other to his loss, it is because
he was given, not because he gave himself.”
“Oh, I know, I know!”
she wailed. “But he would gladly have given
himself for me.”
That, perhaps, Lanfear could not have
denied, and he had no wish to do so. He had a
prescience of happiness for her which the future did
not belie; and he divined that a woman must not be
forbidden the extremes within which she means to rest
her soul.