Read THE AMOURS OF MR. DEUCEACE. of Memoirs of Mr. Charles J. Yellowplush The Yellowplush Papers , free online book, by William Makepeace Thackeray, on


The name of my nex master was, if posbil, still more ellygant and youfonious than that of my fust.  I now found myself boddy servant to the Honrabble Halgernon Percy Deuceace, youngest and fifth son of the Earl of Crabs.

Halgernon was a barrystir ­that is, he lived in Pump Cort, Temple:  a wulgar naybrood, witch praps my readers don’t no.  Suffiz to say, it’s on the confines of the citty, and the choasen aboad of the lawyers of this metrappolish.

When I say that Mr. Deuceace was a barrystir, I don’t mean that he went sesshums or surcoats (as they call ’em), but simply that he kep chambers, lived in Pump Cort, and looked out for a commitionarship, or a revisinship, or any other place that the Wig guvvyment could give him.  His father was a Wig pier (as the landriss told me), and had been a Toary pier.  The fack is, his lordship was so poar, that he would be anythink or nothink, to get provisions for his sons and an inkum for himself.

I phansy that he aloud Halgernon two hundred a year; and it would have been a very comforable maintenants, only he knever paid him.

Owever, the young genlmn was a genlmn, and no mistake; he got his allowents of nothing a year, and spent it in the most honrabble and fashnabble manner.  He kep a kab –­he went to Holmax ­and Crockfud’s ­he moved in the most xquizzit suckles and trubbld the law boox very little, I can tell you.  Those fashnabble gents have ways of getten money, witch comman pipple doan’t understand.

Though he only had a therd floar in Pump Cort, he lived as if he had the welth of Cresas.  The tenpun notes floo abowt as common as haypince ­clarrit and shampang was at his house as vulgar as gin; and verry glad I was, to be sure, to be a valley to a zion of the nobillaty.

Deuceace had, in his sittin-room, a large pictur on a sheet of paper.  The names of his family was wrote on it; it was wrote in the shape of a tree, a-groin out of a man-in-armer’s stomick, and the names were on little plates among the bows.  The pictur said that the Deuceaces kem into England in the year 1066, along with William Conqueruns.  My master called it his podygree.  I do bleev it was because he had this pictur, and because he was the honrabble Deuceace, that he mannitched to live as he did.  If he had been a common man, you’d have said he was no better than a swinler.  It’s only rank and buth that can warrant such singularities as my master show’d.  For it’s no use disgysing it ­the Honrabble Halgernon was a gambler.  For a man of wulgar family, it’s the wüst trade that can be ­for a man of common feelinx of honesty, this profession is quite imposbil; but for a real thoroughbread genlmn, it’s the esiest and most prophetable line he can take.

It may praps appear curious that such a fashnabble man should live in the Temple; but it must be recklected, that it’s not only lawyers who live in what’s called the Ins of Cort.  Many batchylers, who have nothink to do with lor, have here their loginx; and many sham barrysters, who never put on a wig and gownd twise in their lives, kip apartments in the Temple, instead of Bon Street, Pickledilly, or other fashnabble places.

Frinstance, on our stairkis (so these houses are called), there was 8 sets of chamberses, and only 3 lawyers.  These was bottom floar, Screwson, Hewson, and Jewson, attorneys; fust floar, Mr. Sergeant Flabber ­opsite, Mr. Counslor Bruffy; and secknd pair, Mr. Haggerstony, an Irish counslor, praktising at the Old Baly, and lickwise what they call reporter to the Morning Post nyouspapper.  Opsite him was wrote

          Mr. Richard Blewitt;

and on the thud floar, with my master, lived one Mr. Dawkins.

This young fellow was a new comer into the Temple, and unlucky it was for him too ­he’d better have never been born; for it’s my firm apinion that the Temple ruined him ­that is, with the help of my master and Mr. Dick Blewitt:  as you shall hear.

Mr. Dawkins, as I was gave to understand by his young man, had just left the Universary of Oxford, and had a pretty little fortn of his own ­six thousand pound, or so ­in the stox.  He was jest of age, an orfin who had lost his father and mother; and having distinkwished hisself at Collitch, where he gained seffral prices, was come to town to push his fortn, and study the barryster’s bisness.

Not bein of a very high fammly hisself ­indeed, I’ve heard say his father was a chismonger, or somethink of that lo sort ­Dawkins was glad to find his old Oxford frend, Mr. Blewitt, yonger son to rich Squire Blewitt, of Listershire, and to take rooms so near him.

Now, tho’ there was a considdrable intimacy between me and Mr. Blewitt’s gentleman, there was scarcely any betwixt our masters, ­mine being too much of the aristoxy to associate with one of Mr. Blewitt’s sort.  Blewitt was what they call a bettin man; he went reglar to Tattlesall’s, kep a pony, wore a white hat, a blue berd’s-eye handkercher, and a cut-away coat.  In his manners he was the very contrary of my master, who was a slim, ellygant man as ever I see ­he had very white hands, rayther a sallow face, with sharp dark ise, and small wiskus neatly trimmed and as black as Warren’s jet ­he spoke very low and soft ­he seemed to be watchin the person with whom he was in convysation, and always flatterd everybody.  As for Blewitt, he was quite of another sort.  He was always swearin, singing, and slappin people on the back, as hearty as posbill.  He seemed a merry, careless, honest cretur, whom one would trust with life and soul.  So thought Dawkins, at least; who, though a quiet young man, fond of his boox, novvles, Byron’s poems, foot-playing, and such like scientafic amusemints, grew hand in glove with honest Dick Blewitt, and soon after with my master, the Honrabble Halgernon.  Poor Daw! he thought he was makin good connexions and real frends ­he had fallen in with a couple of the most etrocious swinlers that ever lived.

Before Mr. Dawkins’s arrivial in our house, Mr. Deuceace had barely condysended to speak to Mr. Blewitt; it was only about a month after that suckumstance that my master, all of a sudding, grew very friendly with him.  The reason was pretty clear, ­Deuceace wanted him.  Dawkins had not been an hour in master’s company before he knew that he had a pidgin to pluck.

Blewitt knew this too:  and bein very fond of pidgin, intended to keep this one entirely to himself.  It was amusin to see the Honrabble Halgernon manuvring to get this poor bird out of Blewitt’s clause, who thought he had it safe.  In fact, he’d brought Dawkins to these chambers for that very porpos, thinking to have him under his eye, and strip him at leisure.

My master very soon found out what was Mr. Blewitt’s game.  Gamblers know gamblers, if not by instink, at least by reputation; and though Mr. Blewitt moved in a much lower speare than Mr. Deuceace, they knew each other’s dealins and caracters puffickly well.

“Charles you scoundrel,” says Deuceace to me one day (he always spoak in that kind way), “who is this person that has taken the opsit chambers, and plays the flute so industrusly?”

“It’s Mr. Dawkins, a rich young gentleman from Oxford, and a great friend of Mr. Blewittses, sir,” says I; “they seem to live in each other’s rooms.”

Master said nothink, but he grin’d ­my eye, how he did grin.  Not the fowl find himself could snear more satannickly.

I knew what he meant: 

Imprimish.  A man who plays the floot is a simpleton.

Secknly.  Mr. Blewitt is a raskle.

Thirdmo.  When a raskle and a simpleton is always together, and when the simpleton is rich, one knows pretty well what will come of it.

I was but a lad in them days, but I knew what was what, as well as my master; it’s not gentlemen only that’s up to snough.  Law bless us! there was four of us on this stairkes, four as nice young men as you ever see:  Mr. Bruffy’s young man, Mr. Dawkinses, Mr. Blewitt’s, and me ­and we knew what our masters was about as well as thay did theirselfs.  Frinstance, I can say this for myself, there wasn’t a paper in Deuceace’s desk or drawer, not a bill, a note, or mimerandum, which I hadn’t read as well as he:  with Blewitt’s it was the same ­me and his young man used to read ’em all.  There wasn’t a bottle of wine that we didn’t get a glass out of, nor a pound of sugar that we didn’t have some lumps of it.  We had keys to all the cubbards ­we pipped into all the letters that kem and went –­we pored over all the bill-files ­we’d the best pickens out of the dinners, the livvers of the fowls, the forcemit balls out of the soup, the egs from the sallit.  As for the coals and candles, we left them to the landrisses.  You may call this robry ­nonsince ­it’s only our rights ­a suvvant’s purquizzits is as sacred as the laws of Hengland.

Well, the long and short of it is this.  Richard Blewitt, esquire, was sityouated as follows:  He’d an incum of three hundred a year from his father.  Out of this he had to pay one hundred and ninety for money borrowed by him at collidge, seventy for chambers, seventy more for his hoss, aty for his suvvant on bord wagis, and about three hundred and fifty for a sepparat establishment in the Regency Park; besides this, his pockit-money, say a hunderd, his eatin, drinkin, and wine-marchant’s bill, about two hunderd moar.  So that you see he laid by a pretty handsome sum at the end of the year.

My master was diffrent; and being a more fashnable man than Mr. B., in course he owed a deal more mony.  There was fust: 

Account contray, at Crockford’s L 3711 0
Bills of xchange and I. O. U.’s (but he
didn’t pay these in most cases) 4963 0
21 tailors’ bills, in all 1306 11
3 hossdealers’ do 402 0
2 coachbuilder 506 0
Bills contracted at Cambridtch 2193 6
Sundries 987 10
L 14069 8 5

I give this as a curosity ­pipple doan’t know how in many cases fashnabble life is carried on; and to know even what a real gnlmn owes is somethink instructif and agreeable.

But to my tail.  The very day after my master had made the inquiries concerning Mr. Dawkins, witch I mentioned already, he met Mr. Blewitt on the stairs; and byoutiffle it was to see how this gnlmn, who had before been almost cut by my master, was now received by him.  One of the sweetest smiles I ever saw was now vizzable on Mr. Deuceace’s countenance.  He held out his hand, covered with a white kid glove, and said, in the most frenly tone of vice posbill, “What!  Mr. Blewitt?  It is an age since we met.  What a shame that such near naybors should see each other so seldom!”

Mr. Blewitt, who was standing at his door, in a pe-green dressing-gown, smoakin a segar, and singing a hunting coarus, looked surprised, flattered, and then suspicious.

“Why, yes,” says he, “it is, Mr. Deuceace, a long time.”

“Not, I think, since we dined at Sir George Hookey’s.  By-the-by, what an evening that was ­hay, Mr. Blewitt?  What wine! what capital songs!  I recollect your ’May-day in the morning’ ­cuss me, the best comick song I ever heard.  I was speaking to the Duke of Doncaster about it only yesterday.  You know the duke, I think?”

Mr. Blewitt said, quite surly, “No, I don’t.”

“Not know him!” cries master; “why, hang it, Blewitt! he knows you; as every sporting man in England does, I should think.  Why, man, your good things are in everybody’s mouth at Newmarket.”

And so master went on chaffin Mr. Blewitt.  That genlmn at fust answered him quite short and angry:  but, after a little more flummery, he grew as pleased as posbill, took in all Deuceace’s flatry, and bleeved all his lies.  At last the door shut, and they both went into Mr. Blewitt’s chambers together.

Of course I can’t say what past there; but in an hour master kem up to his own room as yaller as mustard, and smellin sadly of backo smoke.  I never see any genmln more sick than he was; he’d been smoakin seagars along with Blewitt.  I said nothink, in course, tho I’d often heard him xpress his horrow of backo, and knew very well he would as soon swallow pizon as smoke.  But he wasn’t a chap to do a thing without a reason:  if he’d been smoakin, I warrant he had smoked to some porpus.

I didn’t hear the convysation betwean ’em; but Mr. Blewitt’s man did:  it was, ­“Well, Mr. Blewitt, what capital seagars!  Have you one for a friend to smoak?” (The old fox, it wasn’t only the seagars he was a-smoakin!) “Walk in,” says Mr. Blewitt; and they began a chaffin together; master very ankshous about the young gintleman who had come to live in our chambers, Mr. Dawkins, and always coming back to that subject, ­saying that people on the same stairkis ot to be frenly; how glad he’d be, for his part, to know Mr. Dick Blewitt, and any friend of his, and so on.  Mr. Dick, howsever, seamed quite aware of the trap laid for him.  “I really don’t know this Dawkins,” says he:  “he’s a chismonger’s son, I hear; and tho I’ve exchanged visits with him, I doan’t intend to continyou the acquaintance, ­not wishin to assoshate with that kind of pipple.”  So they went on, master fishin, and Mr. Blewitt not wishin to take the hook at no price.

“Confound the vulgar thief!” muttard my master, as he was laying on his sophy, after being so very ill; “I’ve poisoned myself with his infernal tobacco, and he has foiled me.  The cursed swindling boor! he thinks he’ll ruin this poor Cheese-monger, does he?  I’ll step in, and warn him.”

I thought I should bust a-laffin, when he talked in this style.  I knew very well what his “warning” meant, ­lockin the stable-door but stealin the hoss fust.

Next day, his strattygam for becoming acquainted with Mr. Dawkins we exicuted; and very pritty it was.

Besides potry and the flute, Mr. Dawkins, I must tell you, had some other parshallities ­wiz., he was very fond of good eatin and drinkin.  After doddling over his music and boox all day, this young genlmn used to sally out of evenings, dine sumptiously at a tavern, drinkin all sorts of wine along with his friend Mr. Blewitt.  He was a quiet young fellow enough at fust; but it was Mr. B. who (for his own porpuses, no doubt,) had got him into this kind of life.  Well, I needn’t say that he who eats a fine dinner, and drinks too much overnight, wants a bottle of soda-water, and a gril, praps, in the morning.  Such was Mr. Dawkinses case; and reglar almost as twelve o’clock came, the waiter from “Dix Coffy-House” was to be seen on our stairkis, bringing up Mr. D.’s hot breakfast.

No man would have thought there was anythink in such a trifling cirkumstance; master did, though, and pounced upon it like a cock on a barlycorn.

He sent me out to Mr. Morell’s in Pickledilly, for wot’s called a Strasbug-pie ­in French, a “patty defau graw.”  He takes a card, and nails it on the outside case (patty defaw graws come generally in a round wooden box, like a drumb); and what do you think he writes on it? why, as follos: ­“For the Honorable Algernon Percy Deuceace, &c. &c. &c.  With Prince Talleyrand’s compliments.”

Prince Tallyram’s complimints, indeed!  I laff when I think of it, still, the old surpint!  He was a surpint, that Deuceace, and no mistake.

Well, by a most extrornary piece of ill-luck, the nex day punctially as Mr. Dawkinses brexfas was coming up the stairs, Mr. Halgernon Percy Deuceace was going down.  He was as gay as a lark, humming an Oppra tune, and twizzting round his head his hevy gold-headed cane.  Down he went very fast, and by a most unlucky axdent struck his cane against the waiter’s tray, and away went Mr. Dawkinses gril, kayann, kitchup, soda-water and all!  I can’t think how my master should have choas such an exact time; to be sure, his windo looked upon the court, and he could see every one who came into our door.

As soon as the axdent had took place, master was in such a rage as, to be sure, no man ever was in befor; he swoar at the waiter in the most dreddfle way; he threatened him with his stick, and it was only when he see that the waiter was rayther a bigger man than hisself that he was in the least pazzyfied.  He returned to his own chambres; and John, the waiter, went off for more gril to Dixes Coffy-house.

“This is a most unlucky axdent, to be sure, Charles,” says master to me, after a few minits paws, during witch he had been and wrote a note, put it into an anvelope, and sealed it with his big seal of arms.  “But stay ­a thought strikes me ­take this note to Mr. Dawkins, and that pye you brought yesterday; and hearkye, you scoundrel, if you say where you got it I will break every bone in your skin!”

These kind of promises were among the few which I knew him to keep:  and as I loved boath my skinn and my boans, I carried the noat, and of cors said nothink.  Waiting in Mr. Dawkinses chambus for a few minnits, I returned to my master with an anser.  I may as well give both of these documence, of which I happen to have taken coppies: 


The Hon.  A. P. Deuceace to T. S. Dawkins, Esq.

Temple, Tuesday.

“Mr. Deuceace presents his compliments to Mr. Dawkins, and begs at
the same time to offer his most sincere apologies and regrets for
the accident which has just taken place.

“May Mr. Deuceace be allowed to take a neighbor’s privilege, and to remedy the evil he has occasioned to the best of his power if Mr. Dawkins will do him the favor to partake of the contents of the accompanying case (from Strasbourg direct, and the gift of a friend, on whose taste as a gourmand Mr. Dawkins may rely), perhaps he will find that it is not a bad substitute for the plat which Mr. Deuceace’s awkwardness destroyed.

“It will also, Mr. Deuceace is sure, be no small gratification to
the original donor of the ‘pate’, when he learns that it has fallen
into the hands of so celebrated a bon vivant as Mr. Dawkins.

“T.  S. Dawkins, Esq., &c. &c. &c.”


From T. S. Dawkins, Esq., To the Hon.  A. P. Deuceace.

Mr. Thomas Smith Dawkins presents his grateful compliments to the
Hon. Mr. Deuceace, and accepts with the greatest pleasure Mr.
Deuceace’s generous proffer.

“It would be one of the happiest moments of Mr. Smith Dawkins’s life, if the Hon. Mr. Deuceace would extend his generosity still further, and condescend to partake of the repast which his munificent politeness has furnished.

  “Temple, Tuesday.”

Many and many a time, I say, have I grin’d over these letters, which I had wrote from the original by Mr. Bruffy’s copyin clark.  Deuceace’s flam about Prince Tallyram was puffickly successful.  I saw young Dawkins blush with délite as he red the note; he toar up for or five sheets before he composed the answer to it, which was as you red abuff, and roat in a hand quite trembling with pleasyer.  If you could but have seen the look of triumph in Deuceace’s wicked black eyes, when he read the noat!  I never see a deamin yet, but I can phansy 1, a holding a writhing soal on his pitchfrock, and smilin like Deuceace.  He dressed himself in his very best clothes, and in he went, after sending me over to say that he would except with pleasyour Mr. Dawkins’s invite.

The pie was cut up, and a most frenly conversation begun betwixt the two genlmin.  Deuceace was quite captivating.  He spoke to Mr. Dawkins in the most respeckful and flatrin manner, ­agread in every think he said, ­prazed his taste, his furniter, his coat, his classick nolledge, and his playin on the floot; you’d have thought, to hear him, that such a polygon of exlens as Dawkins did not breath, ­that such a modist, sinsear, honrabble genlmn as Deuceace was to be seen nowhere xcept in Pump Cort.  Poor Daw was complitly taken in.  My master said he’d introduce him to the Duke of Doncaster, and heaven knows how many nobs more, till Dawkins was quite intawsicated with pleasyour.  I know as a fac (and it pretty well shows the young genlmn’s carryter), that he went that very day and ordered 2 new coats, on porpos to be introjuiced to the lords in.

But the best joak of all was at last.  Singin, swagrin, and swarink ­up stares came Mr. Dick Blewitt.  He flung opn Mr. Dawkins’s door, shouting out, “Daw my old buck, how are you?” when, all of a sudden, he sees Mr. Deuceace:  his jor dropt, he turned chocky white, and then burnin red, and looked as if a stror would knock him down.  “My dear Mr. Blewitt,” says my master, smilin and offring his hand, “how glad I am to see you.  Mr. Dawkins and I were just talking about your pony!  Pray sit down.”

Blewitt did; and now was the question, who should sit the other out; but law bless you!  Mr. Blewitt was no match for my master:  all the time he was fidgetty, silent, and sulky; on the contry, master was charmin.  I never herd such a flo of conversatin, or so many wittacisms as he uttered.  At last, completely beat, Mr. Blewitt took his leaf; that instant master followed him; and passin his arm through that of Mr. Dick, led him into our chambers, and began talkin to him in the most affabl and affeckshnat manner.

But Dick was too angry to listen; at last, when master was telling him some long story about the Duke of Doncaster, Blewitt burst out ­

“A plague on the Duke of Doncaster!  Come, come, Mr. Deuceace, don’t you be running your rigs upon me; I ain’t the man to be bamboozl’d by long-winded stories about dukes and duchesses.  You think I don’t know you; every man knows you and your line of country.  Yes, you’re after young Dawkins there, and think to pluck him; but you shan’t, ­no, by ­ you shan’t.” (The reader must recklect that the oaths which interspussed Mr. B.’s convysation I have left out.) Well, after he’d fired a wolley of ’em, Mr. Deuceace spoke as cool as possbill.

“Hark ye, Blewitt.  I know you to be one of the most infernal thieves and scoundrels unhung.  If you attempt to hector with me, I will cane you; if you want more, I’ll shoot you; if you meddle between me and Dawkins, I will do both.  I know your whole life, you miserable swindler and coward.  I know you have already won two hundred pounds of this lad, and want all.  I will have half, or you never shall have a penny.”  It’s quite true that master knew things; but how was the wonder.

I couldn’t see Mr. B.’s face during this dialogue, bein on the wrong side of the door; but there was a considdrable paws after thuse complymints had passed between the two genlmn, ­one walkin quickly up and down the room ­tother, angry and stupid, sittin down, and stampin with his foot.

“Now listen to this, Mr. Blewitt,” continues master at last.  “If you’re quiet, you shall have half this fellow’s money:  but venture to win a shilling from him in my absence, or without my consent, and you do it at your peril.”

“Well, well, Mr. Deuceace,” cries Dick, “it’s very hard, and I must say, not fair:  the game was of my startin, and you’ve no right to interfere with my friend.”

“Mr. Blewitt, you are a fool!  You professed yesterday not to know this man, and I was obliged to find him out for myself.  I should like to know by what law of honor I am bound to give him up to you?”

It was charmin to hear this pair of raskles talkin about honor.  I declare I could have found it in my heart to warn young Dawkins of the precious way in which these chaps were going to serve him.  But if they didn’t know what honor was, I did; and never, never did I tell tails about my masters when in their sarvice ­out, in cors, the hobligation is no longer binding.

Well, the nex day there was a gran dinner at our chambers.  White soop, turbit, and lobstir sos; saddil of Scoch muttn, grous, and M’Arony; wines, shampang, hock, maderia, a bottle of poart, and ever so many of clarrit.  The compny presint was three; wiz., the Honrabble A. P. Deuceace, R. Blewitt, and Mr. Dawkins, Exquires.  My i, how we genlmn in the kitchin did enjy it.  Mr. Blewittes man eat so much grous (when it was brot out of the parlor), that I reely thought he would be sik; Mr. Dawkinses genlmn (who was only abowt 13 years of age) grew so il with M’Arony and plumb-puddn, as to be obleeged to take sefral of Mr. D’s. pils, which 1/2 kild him.  But this is all promiscuous:  I an’t talkin of the survants now, but the masters.

Would you bleeve it?  After dinner and praps 8 bottles of wine between the 3, the genlm sat down to ecarty.  It’s a game where only 2 plays, and where, in coarse, when there’s only 3, one looks on.

Fust, they playd crown pints, and a pound the bett.  At this game they were wonderful equill; and about supper-time (when grilled am, more shampang, devld biskits, and other things, was brot in) the play stood thus:  Mr. Dawkins had won 2 pounds; Mr. Blewitt 30 shillings; the Honrabble Mr. Deuceace having lost 3L. l0s.  After the devvle and the shampang the play was a little higher.  Now it was pound pints, and five pound the bet.  I thought, to be sure, after hearing the complymints between Blewitt and master in the morning, that now poor Dawkins’s time was come.

Not so:  Dawkins won always, Mr. B. betting on his play, and giving him the very best of advice.  At the end of the evening (which was abowt five o’clock the nex morning) they stopt.  Master was counting up the skore on a card.

“Blewitt,” says he, “I’ve been unlucky.  I owe you, let me see ­yes, five-and-forty pounds?”

“Five-and-forty,” says Blewitt, “and no mistake!”

“I will give you a cheque,” says the honrabble genlmn.

“Oh! don’t mention it, my dear sir!” But master got a grate sheet of paper, and drew him a check on Messeers.  Pump, Algit and Co., his bankers.

“Now,” says master, “I’ve got to settle with you, my dear Mr. Dawkins.  If you had backd your luck, I should have owed you a very handsome sum of money.  Voyons, thirteen points at a pound ­it is easy to calculate;” and drawin out his puss, he clinked over the table 13 goolden suverings, which shon till they made my eyes wink.

So did pore Dawkinses, as he put out his hand, all trembling, and drew them in.

“Let me say,” added master, “let me say (and I’ve had some little experience), that you are the very best écarte player with whom I ever sat down.”

Dawkinses eyes glissened as he put the money up, and said, “Law, Deuceace, you flatter me.”

Flatter him!  I should think he did.  It was the very think which master ment.

“But mind you, Dawkins,” continyoud he, “I must have my revenge; for I’m ruined ­positively ruined by your luck.”

“Well, well,” says Mr. Thomas Smith Dawkins, as pleased as if he had gained a millium, “shall it be to-morrow?  Blewitt, what say you?”

Mr. Blewitt agreed, in course.  My master, after a little demurring, consented too.  “We’ll meet,” says he, “at your chambers.  But mind, my dear fello, not too much wine:  I can’t stand it at any time, especially when I have to play écarte with you.”

Pore Dawkins left our rooms as happy as a prins.  “Here, Charles,” says he, and flung me a sovring.  Pore fellow! pore fellow!  I knew what was a-comin!

But the best of it was, that these 13 sovrings which Dawkins won, master had borrowed them from Mr. Blewitt!  I brought ’em, with 7 more, from that young genlmn’s chambers that very morning:  for, since his interview with master, Blewitt had nothing to refuse him.

Well, shall I continue the tail?  If Mr. Dawkins had been the least bit wiser, it would have taken him six months befoar he lost his money; as it was, he was such a confunded ninny, that it took him a very short time to part with it.

Nex day (it was Thursday, and master’s acquaintance with Mr. Dawkins had only commenced on Tuesday), Mr. Dawkins, as I said, gev his party, ­dinner at 7.  Mr. Blewitt and the two Mr. D.’s as befoar.  Play begins at 11.  This time I knew the bisness was pretty serious, for we suvvants was packed off to bed at 2 o’clock.  On Friday, I went to chambers ­no master ­he kem in for 5 minutes at about 12, made a little toilit, ordered more devvles and soda-water, and back again he went to Mr. Dawkins’s.

They had dinner there at 7 again, but nobody seamed to eat, for all the vittles came out to us genlmn:  they had in more wine though, and must have drunk at least two dozen in the 36 hours.

At ten o’clock, however, on Friday night, back my master came to his chambers.  I saw him as I never saw him before, namly reglar drunk.  He staggered about the room, he danced, he hickipd, he swoar, he flung me a heap of silver, and, finely, he sunk down exosted on his bed; I pullin off his boots and close, and making him comfrabble.

When I had removed his garmints, I did what it’s the duty of every servant to do ­I emtied his pockits, and looked at his pockit-book and all his letters:  a number of axdents have been prevented that way.

I found there, among a heap of things, the following pretty dockyment ­

I. O. U.
L 4700. 
Thomas Smith Dawkins
Friday, 16th January.

There was another bit of paper of the same kind ­“.  U. four hundred pounds:  Richard Blewitt:”  but this, in corse, ment nothink.

. . . . . .

Nex mornin, at nine, master was up, and as sober as a judg.  He drest, and was off to Mr. Dawkins.  At ten, he ordered a cab, and the two gentlmn went together.

“Where shall he drive, sir?” says I.

“Oh, tell him to drive to the bank.”

Pore Dawkins! his eyes red with remors and sleepliss drunkenniss, gave a shudder and a sob, as he sunk back in the wehicle; and they drove on.

That day he sold out every hapny he was worth, xcept five hundred pounds.

. . . . . .

Abowt 12 master had returned, and Mr. Dick Blewitt came stridin up the stairs with a sollum and important hair.

“Is your master at home?” says he.

“Yes, sir,” says I; and in he walks.  I, in coars, with my ear to the keyhole, listning with all my mite.

“Well,” says Blewitt, “we maid a pretty good night of it, Mr. Deuceace.  Yu’ve settled, I see, with Dawkins.”

“Settled!” says master.  “Oh, yes ­yes ­I’ve settled with him.”

“Four thousand seven hundred, I think?”

“About that ­yes.”

“That makes my share ­let me see ­two thousand three hundred and fifty; which I’ll thank you to fork out.”

“Upon my word ­why ­Mr. Blewitt,” says master, “I don’t really understand what you mean.”

You don’t know what I mean!” says Blewitt, in an axent such as I never before heard.  “You don’t know what I mean!  Did you not promise me that we were to go shares?  Didn’t I lend you twenty sovereigns the other night to pay our losings to Dawkins?  Didn’t you swear, on your honor as a gentleman, to give me half of all that might be won in this affair?”

“Agreed, sir,” says Deuceace; “agreed.”

“Well, sir, and now what have you to say?”

“Why, that I don’t intend to keep my promise!  You infernal fool and ninny! do you suppose I was laboring for you?  Do you fancy I was going to the expense of giving a dinner to that jackass yonder, that you should profit by it?  Get away, sir!  Leave the room, sir!  Or, stop ­here ­I will give you four hundred pounds ­your own note of hand, sir, for that sum, if you will consent to forget all that has passed between us, and that you have never known Mr. Algernon Deuceace.”

I’ve seen pipple angery before now, but never any like Blewitt.  He stormed, groaned, belloed, swoar!  At last, he fairly began blubbring; now cussing and nashing his teeth, now praying dear Mr. Deuceace to grant him mercy.

At last, master flung open the door (heaven bless us! it’s well I didn’t tumble hed over eels into the room!), and said, “Charles, show the gentleman down stairs!” My master looked at him quite steddy.  Blewitt slunk down, as misrabble as any man I ever see.  As for Dawkins, heaven knows where he was!

. . . . . .

“Charles,” says my master to me, about an hour afterwards, “I’m going to Paris; you may come, too, if you please.”