Next day Mary went into Primpton House.
Colonel Parsons nodded to her as she walked up the
drive, and took off his spectacles. The front
door was neither locked nor bolted in that confiding
neighbourhood, and Mary walked straight in.
“Well, my dear?” said
the Colonel, smiling with pleasure, for he was as
fond of her as of his own son.
“I thought I’d come and
see you alone. Jamie’s still out, isn’t
he? I saw him pass our house. I was standing
at the window, but he didn’t look up.”
“I daresay he was thinking.
He’s grown very thoughtful now.”
Mrs. Parsons came in, and her quiet
face lit up, too, as she greeted Mary. She kissed
her tenderly.
“Jamie’s out, you know.”
“Mary has come to see us,”
said the Colonel. “She doesn’t want
us to feel neglected now that she has the boy.”
“We shall never dream that you
can do anything unkind, dear Mary,” replied
Mrs. Parsons, stroking the girl’s hair.
“It’s natural that you should think more
of him than of us.”
Mary hesitated a moment.
“Don’t you think Jamie has changed?”
Mrs. Parsons looked at her quickly.
“I think he has grown more silent.
But he’s been through so much. And then
he’s a man now; he was only a boy when we saw
him last.”
“D’you think he cares
for me any more?” asked Mary, with a rapid tremor
in her voice.
“Mary!”
“Of course he does! He
talks of you continually,” said Colonel Parsons,
“and always as if he were devoted. Doesn’t
he, Frances?”
The old man’s deep love for
Mary had prevented him from seeing in Jamie’s
behaviour anything incongruous with that of a true
lover.
“What makes you ask that question,
Mary?” said Mrs. Parsons.
Her feminine tact had led her to notice
a difference in Jamie’s feeling towards his
betrothed; but she had been unwilling to think that
it amounted even to coldness. Such a change could
be explained in a hundred natural ways, and might,
indeed, exist merely in her own imagination.
“Oh, he’s not the same
as he was!” cried Mary, “I don’t
know what it is, but I feel it in his whole manner.
Yesterday evening he barely said a word.”
James had dined with the Clibborns in solemn state.
“I daresay he’s not very well yet.
His wound troubles him still.”
“I try to put it down to that,”
said Mary, “but he seems to force himself to
speak to me. He’s not natural. I’ve
got an awful fear that he has ceased to care for me.”
She looked from Colonel Parsons to
his wife, who stared at her in dismay.
“Don’t be angry with me,”
she said; “I couldn’t talk like this to
anyone else, but I know you love me. I look upon
you already as my father and mother. I don’t
want to be unkind to mamma, but I couldn’t talk
of it to her; she would only sneer at me. And
I’m afraid it’s making me rather unhappy.”
“Of course, we want you to treat
us as your real parents, Mary. We both love you
as we love Jamie. We have always looked upon you
as our daughter.”
“You’re so good to me!”
“Has your mother said anything to annoy you?”
Mary faltered.
“Last night, when he went away,
she said she didn’t think he was devoted to
me.”
“Oh, I knew it was your mother
who’d put this in your head! She has always
been jealous of you. I suppose she thinks he’s
in love with her.”
“Mrs. Parsons!” cried Mary, in a tone
of entreaty.
“I know you can’t bear
anything said against your mother, and it’s
wicked of me to vex you; but she has no right to suggest
such things.”
“It’s not only that. It’s what
I feel.”
“I’m sure Jamie is most
fond of you,” said Colonel Parsons, kindly.
“You’ve not seen one another for five years,
and you find yourselves altered. Even we feel
a little strange with Jamie sometimes; don’t
we, Frances? What children they are, Frances!”
Colonel Parsons laughed in that irresistibly sweet
fashion of his. “Why, it was only the day
before yesterday that Jamie came to us with a long
face and asked if you cared for him.”
“Did he?” asked Mary,
with pleased surprise, anxious to believe what the
Colonel suggested. “Oh, he must see that
I love him! Perhaps he finds me unresponsive....
How could I help caring for him? I think if he
ceased to love me, I should die.”
“My dearest Mary,” cried
Mrs. Parsons, the tears rising to her eyes, “don’t
talk like that! I’m sure he can’t
help loving you, either; you’re so good and
sweet. You’re both of you fanciful, and
he’s not well. Be patient. Jamie is
shy and reserved; he hasn’t quite got used to
us yet. He doesn’t know how to show his
feelings. It will all come right soon.”
“Of course he loves you!”
said Colonel Parsons. “Who could help it?
Why, if I were a young fellow I should be mad to marry
you.”
“And what about me, Richmond?”
asked Mrs. Parsons, smiling.
“Well, I think I should have
to commit bigamy, and marry you both.”
They laughed at the Colonel’s
mild little joke, happy to break through the cloud
of doubt which oppressed them.
“You’re a dear thing,”
said Mary, kissing the old man, “and I’m
a very silly girl. It’s wrong of me to
give way to whims and fancies.”
“You must be very brave when
you’re the wife of a V.C.,” said the Colonel,
patting her hand.
“Oh, it was a beautiful action!”
cried Mary. “And he’s as modest about
it as though he had done nothing that any man might
not do. I think there can be no sight more pleasing
to God than that of a brave man risking his life to
save a comrade.”
“And that ought to be an assurance
to you, Mary, that James will never do anything unkind
or dishonourable. Trust him, and forgive his little
faults of manner. I’m sure he loves you,
and soon you’ll get married and be completely
happy.”
Mary’s face darkened once more.
“He’s been here three
days, and he’s not said a word about getting
married. Oh, I can’t help it; I’m
so frightened! I wish he’d say something-just
one word to show that he really cares for me.
He seems to have forgotten that we’re even engaged.”
Colonel Parsons looked at his wife,
begging her by his glance to say something that would
comfort Mary. Mrs. Parsons looked down, uncertain,
ill at ease.
“You don’t despise me
for talking like this, Mrs. Parsons?”
“Despise you, my dear!
How can I, when I love you so dearly? Shall I
speak to Jamie? I’m sure when he understands
that he’s making you unhappy, he’ll be
different. He has the kindest heart in the world;
I’ve never known him do an unkind thing in his
life.”
“No, don’t say anything
to him,” replied Mary. “I daresay
it’s all nonsense. I don’t want him
to be driven into making love to me.”
Meanwhile James wandered thoughtfully.
The country was undulating, and little hill rose after
little hill, affording spacious views of the fat Kentish
fields, encircled by oak trees and by chestnuts.
Owned by rich landlords, each generation had done
its best, and the fruitful land was tended like a
garden. But it had no abandonment, no freedom;
the hand of man was obvious, perpetually, in the trimness
and in the careful arrangement, so that the landscape,
in its formality, reminded one of those set pieces
chosen by the classic painters. But the fields
were fresh with the tall young grass of the new year,
the buttercups flaunted themselves gaily, careless
of the pitiless night, rejoicing in the sunshine,
as before they had rejoiced in the enlivening rain.
The pleasant rain-drops still lingered on the daisies.
The feathery ball of the dandelion, carried by the
breeze, floated past like a symbol of the life of
man-a random thing, resistless to the merest
breath, with no mission but to spread its seed upon
the fertile earth, so that things like unto it should
spring up in the succeeding summer, and flower uncared
for, and reproduce themselves, and die.
James decided finally that he must
break that very evening his engagement with Mary.
He could not put it off. Every day made his difficulty
greater, and it was impossible any longer to avoid
the discussion of their marriage, nor could he continue
to treat Mary with nothing better than friendliness.
He realised all her good qualities; she was frank,
and honest, and simple; anxious to do right; charitable
according to her light; kindness itself. James
felt sincerely grateful for the affectionate tenderness
which Mary showed to his father and mother. He
was thankful for that and for much else, and was prepared
to look upon her as a very good friend, even as a
sister; but he did not love her. He could not
look upon the prospect of marriage without repulsion.
Nor did Mary, he said, really love him. He knew
what love was-something different entirely
from that pallid flame of affection and esteem, of
which alone she was capable. Mary loved him for
certain qualities of mind, because his station in
life was decent, his manners passable, his morals
beyond reproach.
“She might as well marry the
Ten Commandments!” he cried impatiently.
Mary cared for him from habit, from
a sense of decorum, and for the fitness of things;
but that was not love. He shrugged his shoulders
scornfully, looking for some word to express the mildly
pleasant, unagitating emotion. James, who had
been devoured by it, who had struggled with it as
with a deadly sin, who had killed it finally while,
like a serpent of evil, it clung to his throat, drinking
his life’s blood, James knew what love was-a
fire in the veins, a divine affliction, a passion,
a frenzy, a madness. The love he knew was the
love of the body of flesh and blood, the love that
engenders, the love that kills. At the bottom
of it is sex, and sex is not ugly or immoral, for
sex is the root of life. The woman is fair because
man shall love her body; her lips are red and passionate
that he may kiss them; her hair is beautiful that
he may take it in his hands-a river of living
gold.
James stopped, and the dead love rose
again and tore his entrails like a beast of prey.
He gasped with agony, with bitter joy. Ah, that
was the true love! What did he care that the
woman lacked this and that? He loved her because
he loved her; he loved her for her faults. And
in spite of the poignant anguish, he thanked her from
the bottom of his heart, for she had taught him love.
She had caused him endless pain, but she had given
him the strength to bear it. She had ruined his
life, perhaps, but had shown him that life was worth
living. What were the agony, the torture, the
despair, beside that radiant passion which made him
godlike? It is only the lover who lives, and of
his life every moment is intense and fervid.
James felt that his most precious recollection was
that ardent month, during which, at last, he had seen
the world in all its dazzling movement, in its manifold
colour, singing with his youth and laughing to his
joy.
And he did not care that hideous names
have been given to that dear passion, to that rich
desire. The vulgar call it lust, and blush and
hide their faces; in their folly is the shame, in their
prurience the disgrace. They do not know that
the appetite which shocks them is the very origin
of the highest qualities of man. It is they, weaklings
afraid to look life in the face, dotards and sentimentalists,
who have made the body unclean. They have covered
the nakedness of Aphrodite with the rags of their
own impurity. They have disembowelled the great
lovers of antiquity till Cleopatra serves to adorn
a prudish tale and Lancelot to point a moral.
Oh, Mother Nature, give us back our freedom, with its
strength of sinew and its humour! For lack of
it we perish in false shame, and our fig-leaves point
our immodesty to all the world. Teach us that
love is not a tawdry sentiment, but a fire divine in
order to the procreation of children; teach us not
to dishonour our bodies, for they are beautiful and
pure, and all thy works are sweet. Teach us, again,
in thy merciful goodness, that man is made for woman,
his body for her body, and that the flesh cannot sin.
Teach us also not to rant too much,
even in thy service; and though we do set up for prophets
and the like, let us not forget occasionally to laugh
at our very august selves.
Then, harking back, Jamie’s
thoughts returned to the dinner of the previous evening
at the Clibborns. He was the only guest, and when
he arrived, found Mary and the Colonel by themselves
in the drawing-room. It was an old habit of Mrs.
Clibborn’s not to appear till after her visitors,
thinking that so she created a greater effect.
The Colonel wore a very high collar, which made his
head look like some queer flower on a long white stalk;
hair and eyebrows were freshly dyed, and glistened
like the oiled locks of a young Jewess. He was
the perfect dandy, even to his bejewelled fingers
and his scented handkerchief. His manner was
a happy mixture of cordiality and condescension, by
the side of which Mary’s unaffected simplicity
contrasted oddly. She seemed less at home in
an evening dress than in the walking costume she vastly
preferred; her free, rather masculine movements were
ungainly in the silk frock, badly made and countrified,
while lace and ribbons suited her most awkwardly.
She was out of place, too, in that room, decorated
with all the abominations of pseudo-fashion, with draperies
and tissue-paper, uncomfortable little chairs and
rickety tables. In every available place stood
photographs of Mrs. Clibborn-Mrs. Clibborn
sitting, standing, lying; Mrs. Clibborn full face,
three-quarter face, side face; Mrs. Clibborn in this
costume or in that costume-grave, gay,
thoughtful, or smiling; Mrs. Clibborn showing her beautiful
teeth, her rounded arms, her vast shoulders; Mrs.
Clibborn dressed to the nines, and Mrs. Clibborn as
undressed as she dared.
Finally, the beauty swept in with
a great rustle of silk, displaying to the full her
very opulent charms. Her hair was lightly powdered,
and honestly she looked remarkably handsome.
“Don’t say I’ve
kept you waiting,” she murmured. “I
could never forgive myself.”
James made some polite reply, and
they went down to dinner. The conversation was
kept at the high level which one naturally expects
from persons fashionable enough to dine late.
They discussed Literature, by which they meant the
last novel but one; Art, by which they meant the Royal
Academy; and Society, by which they meant their friends
who kept carriages. Mrs. Clibborn said that,
of course, she could not expect James to pay any attention
to her, since all his thoughts must be for Mary, and
then proceeded entirely to absorb him.
“You must find it very dull
here,” she moaned. “I’m afraid
you’ll be bored to death.” And she
looked at Mary with her most smilingly cruel expression.
“Oh, Mary, why did you put on that dreadfully
dowdy frock? I’ve asked you over and over
again to give it away, but you never pay attention
to your poor mother.”
“It’s all right,”
said Mary, looking down at it, laughing and blushing
a little.
Mrs. Clibborn turned again to James.
“I think it’s such a mistake
for women not to dress well. I’m an old
woman now, but I always try to look my best. Reggie
has never seen me in a dowdy gown. Have you,
Reggie?”
“Any dress would become you, my love.”
“Oh, Reggie, don’t say
that before James. He looks upon his future mother
as an old woman.”
Then at the end of dinner:
“Don’t sit too long over
your wine. I shall be so dull with nobody but
Mary to amuse me.”
Mrs. Clibborn had been fond enough
of Mary when she was a little girl, who could be petted
on occasion and sent away when necessary; but as she
grew up and exhibited a will of her own, she found
her almost an intolerable nuisance. The girl
developed a conscience, and refused indignantly to
tell the little fibs which her mother occasionally
suggested. She put her sense of right and wrong
before Mrs. Clibborn’s wishes, which that lady
considered undutiful, if not entirely wicked.
It seemed nothing short of an impertinence that Mary
should disapprove of theatres when there was nothing
to which the elder woman was more devoted. And
Mrs. Clibborn felt that the girl saw through all her
little tricks and artful dodges, often speaking out
strongly when her mother proposed to do something
particularly underhand. It was another grievance
that Mary had inherited no good looks, and the faded
beauty, in her vanity, was convinced that the girl
spitefully observed every fresh wrinkle that appeared
upon her face. But Mrs. Clibborn was also a little
afraid of her daughter; such meekness and such good
temper were difficult to overcome; and when she snubbed
her, it was not only to chasten a proud spirit, but
also to reassure herself.
When the ladies had retired, the Colonel
handed James an execrable cigar.
“Now, I’m going to give
you some very special port I’ve got,” he
said.
He poured out a glass with extreme
care, and passed it over with evident pride.
James remembered Mary’s story of the doctor,
and having tasted the wine, entirely sympathised with
him. It was no wonder that invalids did not thrive
upon it.
“Fine wine, isn’t it?”
said Colonel Clibborn. “Had it in my cellar
for years.” He shook it so as to inhale
the aroma. “I got it from my old friend,
the Duke of St. Olphert’s. ‘Reggie,
my boy,’ he said-’Reggie, do
you want some good port?’ ‘Good port, Bill!’
I cried-I always called him Bill, you know;
his Christian name was William-’I
should think I do, Billy, old boy.’ ‘Well,’
said the Duke, ’I’ve got some I can let
you have.’”
“He was a wine-merchant, was he?” asked
James.
“Wine-merchant! My dear
fellow, he was the Duke of St. Olphert’s.
He’d bought up the cellar of an Austrian nobleman,
and he had more port than he wanted.”
“And this is some of it?”
asked James, gravely, holding the murky fluid to the
light.
Then the Colonel stretched his legs
and began to talk of the war. James, rather tired
of the subject, sought to change the conversation;
but Colonel Clibborn was anxious to tell one who had
been through it how the thing should have been conducted;
so his guest, with a mixture of astonishment and indignation,
resigned himself to listen to the most pitiful inanitiés.
He marvelled that a man should have spent his life
in the service, and yet apparently be ignorant of
the very elements of warfare; but having already learnt
to hold his tongue, he let the Colonel talk, and was
presently rewarded by a break. Something reminded
the gallant cavalryman of a hoary anecdote, and he
gave James that dreary round of stories which have
dragged their heavy feet for thirty years from garrison
to garrison. Then, naturally, he proceeded to
the account of his own youthful conquests. The
Colonel had evidently been a devil with the ladies,
for he knew all about the forgotten ballet-dancers
of the seventies, and related with gusto a number of
scabrous tales.
“Ah, my boy, in my day we went
the pace! I tell you in confidence, I was a deuce
of a rake before I got married.”
When they returned to the drawing-room,
Mrs. Clibborn was ready with her langorous smile,
and made James sit beside her on the sofa. In
a few minutes the Colonel, as was his habit, closed
his eyes, dropped his chin, and fell comfortably asleep.
Mrs. Clibborn slowly turned to Mary.
“Will you try and find me my
glasses, darling,” she murmured. “They’re
either in my work-basket or on the morning-room table.
And if you can’t see them there, perhaps they’re
in your father’s study. I want to read
Jamie a letter.”
“I’ll go and look, mother.”
Mary went out, and Mrs. Clibborn put her hand on Jamie’s
arm.
“Do you dislike me very much, Jamie?”
she murmured softly.
“On the contrary!”
“I’m afraid your mother doesn’t
care for me.”
“I’m sure she does.”
“Women have never liked me.
I don’t know why. I can’t help it
if I’m not exactly-plain, I’m
as God made me.”
James thought that the Almighty in
that case must have an unexpected familiarity with
the rouge-pot and the powder-puff.
“Do you know that I did all I could to prevent
your engagement to Mary?”
“You!” cried James, thunderstruck.
“I never knew that.”
“I thought I had better tell
you myself. You mustn’t be angry with me.
It was for your own good. If I had had my way
you would never have become engaged. I thought
you were so much too young.”
“Five years ago, d’you mean-when
it first happened?”
“You were only a boy-a
very nice boy, Jamie. I always liked you.
I don’t approve of long engagements, and I thought
you’d change your mind. Most young men
are a little wild; it’s right that they should
be.”
James looked at her, wondering suddenly
whether she knew or divined anything. It was
impossible, she was too silly.
“You’re very wise.”
“Oh, don’t say that!”
cried Mrs. Clibborn, with a positive groan. “It
sounds so middle-aged.... I always thought Mary
was too old for you. A woman should be ten years
younger than her husband.”
“Tell me all about it,” insisted James.
“They wouldn’t listen
to me. They said you had better be engaged.
They thought it would benefit your morals. I
was very much against it. I think boys are so
much nicer when they haven’t got encumbrances-or
morals.”
At that moment Mary came in.
“I can’t find your glasses, mamma.”
“Oh, it doesn’t matter,”
replied Mrs. Clibborn, smiling softly; “I’ve
just remembered that I sent them into Tunbridge Wells
yesterday to be mended.”