In vain should I attempt to describe
the astonishment and disquiet of Herbert, when he
and I and Provis sat down before the fire, and I recounted
the whole of the secret. Enough, that I saw my
own feelings reflected in Herbert’s face, and
not least among them, my repugnance towards the man
who had done so much for me.
What would alone have set a division
between that man and us, if there had been no other
dividing circumstance, was his triumph in my story.
Saving his troublesome sense of having been “low’
on one occasion since his return, on which
point he began to hold forth to Herbert, the moment
my revelation was finished, he had no perception
of the possibility of my finding any fault with my
good fortune. His boast that he had made me a
gentleman, and that he had come to see me support the
character on his ample resources, was made for me quite
as much as for himself. And that it was a highly
agreeable boast to both of us, and that we must both
be very proud of it, was a conclusion quite established
in his own mind.
“Though, look’ee here,
Pip’s comrade,” he said to Herbert, after
having discoursed for some time, “I know very
well that once since I come back for half
a minute I’ve been low. I said
to Pip, I knowed as I had been low. But don’t
you fret yourself on that score. I ain’t
made Pip a gentleman, and Pip ain’t a going
to make you a gentleman, not fur me not to know what’s
due to ye both. Dear boy, and Pip’s comrade,
you two may count upon me always having a gen-teel
muzzle on. Muzzled I have been since that half
a minute when I was betrayed into lowness, muzzled
I am at the present time, muzzled I ever will be.”
Herbert said, “Certainly,”
but looked as if there were no specific consolation
in this, and remained perplexed and dismayed.
We were anxious for the time when he would go to his
lodging and leave us together, but he was evidently
jealous of leaving us together, and sat late.
It was midnight before I took him round to Essex Street,
and saw him safely in at his own dark door. When
it closed upon him, I experienced the first moment
of relief I had known since the night of his arrival.
Never quite free from an uneasy remembrance
of the man on the stairs, I had always looked about
me in taking my guest out after dark, and in bringing
him back; and I looked about me now. Difficult
as it is in a large city to avoid the suspicion of
being watched, when the mind is conscious of danger
in that regard, I could not persuade myself that any
of the people within sight cared about my movements.
The few who were passing passed on their several ways,
and the street was empty when I turned back into the
Temple. Nobody had come out at the gate with us,
nobody went in at the gate with me. As I crossed
by the fountain, I saw his lighted back windows looking
bright and quiet, and, when I stood for a few moments
in the doorway of the building where I lived, before
going up the stairs, Garden Court was as still and
lifeless as the staircase was when I ascended it.
Herbert received me with open arms,
and I had never felt before so blessedly what it is
to have a friend. When he had spoken some sound
words of sympathy and encouragement, we sat down to
consider the question, What was to be done?
The chair that Provis had occupied
still remaining where it had Stood, for
he had a barrack way with him of hanging about one
spot, in one unsettled manner, and going through one
round of observances with his pipe and his negro-head
and his jackknife and his pack of cards, and what
not, as if it were all put down for him on a slate, I
say his chair remaining where it had stood, Herbert
unconsciously took it, but next moment started out
of it, pushed it away, and took another. He had
no occasion to say after that that he had conceived
an aversion for my patron, neither had I occasion
to confess my own. We interchanged that confidence
without shaping a syllable.
“What,” said I to Herbert,
when he was safe in another chair, “what
is to be done?”
“My poor dear Handel,”
he replied, holding his head, “I am too stunned
to think.”
“So was I, Herbert, when the
blow first fell. Still, something must be done.
He is intent upon various new expenses, horses,
and carriages, and lavish appearances of all kinds.
He must be stopped somehow.”
“You mean that you can’t accept ”
“How can I?” I interposed,
as Herbert paused. “Think of him! Look
at him!”
An involuntary shudder passed over both of us.
“Yet I am afraid the dreadful
truth is, Herbert, that he is attached to me, strongly
attached to me. Was there ever such a fate!”
“My poor dear Handel,” Herbert repeated.
“Then,” said I, “after
all, stopping short here, never taking another penny
from him, think what I owe him already! Then again:
I am heavily in debt, very heavily for
me, who have now no expectations, and I
have been bred to no calling, and I am fit for nothing.”
“Well, well, well!” Herbert
remonstrated. “Don’t say fit for nothing.”
“What am I fit for? I know
only one thing that I am fit for, and that is, to
go for a soldier. And I might have gone, my dear
Herbert, but for the prospect of taking counsel with
your friendship and affection.”
Of course I broke down there:
and of course Herbert, beyond seizing a warm grip
of my hand, pretended not to know it.
“Anyhow, my dear Handel,”
said he presently, “soldiering won’t do.
If you were to renounce this patronage and these favors,
I suppose you would do so with some faint hope of
one day repaying what you have already had. Not
very strong, that hope, if you went soldiering!
Besides, it’s absurd. You would be infinitely
better in Clarriker’s house, small as it is.
I am working up towards a partnership, you know.”
Poor fellow! He little suspected with whose money.
“But there is another question,”
said Herbert. “This is an ignorant, determined
man, who has long had one fixed idea. More than
that, he seems to me (I may misjudge him) to be a
man of a desperate and fierce character.”
“I know he is,” I returned.
“Let me tell you what evidence I have seen of
it.” And I told him what I had not mentioned
in my narrative, of that encounter with the other
convict.
“See, then,” said Herbert;
“think of this! He comes here at the peril
of his life, for the realization of his fixed idea.
In the moment of realization, after all his toil and
waiting, you cut the ground from under his feet, destroy
his idea, and make his gains worthless to him.
Do you see nothing that he might do, under the disappointment?”
“I have seen it, Herbert, and
dreamed of it, ever since the fatal night of his arrival.
Nothing has been in my thoughts so distinctly as his
putting himself in the way of being taken.”
“Then you may rely upon it,”
said Herbert, “that there would be great danger
of his doing it. That is his power over you as
long as he remains in England, and that would be his
reckless course if you forsook him.”
I was so struck by the horror of this
idea, which had weighed upon me from the first, and
the working out of which would make me regard myself,
in some sort, as his murderer, that I could not rest
in my chair, but began pacing to and fro. I said
to Herbert, meanwhile, that even if Provis were recognized
and taken, in spite of himself, I should be wretched
as the cause, however innocently. Yes; even though
I was so wretched in having him at large and near
me, and even though I would far rather have worked
at the forge all the days of my life than I would
ever have come to this!
But there was no staving off the question,
What was to be done?
“The first and the main thing
to be done,” said Herbert, “is to get him
out of England. You will have to go with him,
and then he may be induced to go.”
“But get him where I will, could
I prevent his coming back?”
“My good Handel, is it not obvious
that with Newgate in the next street, there must be
far greater hazard in your breaking your mind to him
and making him reckless, here, than elsewhere.
If a pretext to get him away could be made out of
that other convict, or out of anything else in his
life, now.”
“There, again!” said I,
stopping before Herbert, with my open hands held out,
as if they contained the desperation of the case.
“I know nothing of his life. It has almost
made me mad to sit here of a night and see him before
me, so bound up with my fortunes and misfortunes, and
yet so unknown to me, except as the miserable wretch
who terrified me two days in my childhood!”
Herbert got up, and linked his arm
in mine, and we slowly walked to and fro together,
studying the carpet.
“Handel,” said Herbert,
stopping, “you feel convinced that you can take
no further benefits from him; do you?”
“Fully. Surely you would, too, if you were
in my place?”
“And you feel convinced that you must break
with him?”
“Herbert, can you ask me?”
“And you have, and are bound
to have, that tenderness for the life he has risked
on your account, that you must save him, if possible,
from throwing it away. Then you must get him
out of England before you stir a finger to extricate
yourself. That done, extricate yourself, in Heaven’s
name, and we’ll see it out together, dear old
boy.”
It was a comfort to shake hands upon
it, and walk up and down again, with only that done.
“Now, Herbert,” said I,
“with reference to gaining some knowledge of
his history. There is but one way that I know
of. I must ask him point blank.”
“Yes. Ask him,” said
Herbert, “when we sit at breakfast in the morning.”
For he had said, on taking leave of Herbert, that he
would come to breakfast with us.
With this project formed, we went
to bed. I had the wildest dreams concerning him,
and woke unrefreshed; I woke, too, to recover the fear
which I had lost in the night, of his being found out
as a returned transport. Waking, I never lost
that fear.
He came round at the appointed time,
took out his jackknife, and sat down to his meal.
He was full of plans “for his gentleman’s
coming out strong, and like a gentleman,” and
urged me to begin speedily upon the pocket-book which
he had left in my possession. He considered the
chambers and his own lodging as temporary residences,
and advised me to look out at once for a “fashionable
crib” near Hyde Park, in which he could have
“a shake-down.” When he had made an
end of his breakfast, and was wiping his knife on
his leg, I said to him, without a word of preface,
“After you were gone last night,
I told my friend of the struggle that the soldiers
found you engaged in on the marshes, when we came up.
You remember?”
“Remember!” said he. “I think
so!”
“We want to know something about
that man and about you. It is strange
to know no more about either, and particularly you,
than I was able to tell last night. Is not this
as good a time as another for our knowing more?”
“Well!” he said, after
consideration. “You’re on your oath,
you know, Pip’s comrade?”
“Assuredly,” replied Herbert.
“As to anything I say, you know,”
he insisted. “The oath applies to all.”
“I understand it to do so.”
“And look’ee here!
Wotever I done is worked out and paid for,” he
insisted again.
“So be it.”
He took out his black pipe and was
going to fill it with negro-head, when, looking at
the tangle of tobacco in his hand, he seemed to think
it might perplex the thread of his narrative.
He put it back again, stuck his pipe in a button-hole
of his coat, spread a hand on each knee, and after
turning an angry eye on the fire for a few silent moments,
looked round at us and said what follows.