But though she disappeared Stella
Ballantyne was not in flight from men and women.
She avoided them because they did not for the moment
count in her thoughts, except as possible hindrances.
She was not so much running away as running to the
place of her desires. She yielded to an impulse
with which they had nothing whatever to do, an impulse
so overmastering that even to the Reptons her precipitancy
wore a look of ingratitude. She drove home with
Jane Repton as soon as she was released, to the house
on Khamballa Hill, and while she was still in the
carriage she said:
“I must go away to-morrow morning.”
She was sitting forward with a tense
and eager look upon her face and her hands clenched
tightly in her lap.
“There is no need for that.
Make your home with us, Stella, for a little while
and hold your head high.”
Jane Repton had talked over this proposal
with her husband. Both of them recognised that
the acceptance of it would entail on them some little
sacrifice. Prejudice would be difficult.
But they had thrust these considerations aside in
the loyalty of their friendship and Jane Repton was
a little hurt that Stella waved away their invitation
without ceremony.
“I can’t. I can’t,”
she said irritably. “Don’t try to
stop me.”
Her nerves were quite on edge and
she spoke with a greater violence than she knew.
Jane Repton tried to persuade her.
“Wouldn’t it be wiser
for you to face things here, even though it means
some effort and pain?”
“I don’t know,”
answered Stella, still in the quick peremptory tone
of one who will not be argued with. “I
don’t care either. I have nothing to do
with wisdom just now. I don’t want people
at all. I want oh, how I want ”
She stopped and then she added vaguely: “Something
else,” and her voice trailed away into silence.
She sat without a word, all tingling impatience, during
the rest of that drive and continued so to sit after
the carriage had stopped. When Jane Repton descended,
and she woke up with a start and looked at the house,
it was as though she brought her eyes down from heaven
to earth. Once within the house she went straight
up to Repton. He had left his wife behind with
Stella at the Law Courts and had come home in advance
of them. He had not spoken a word to Stella that
day, and he had not the time now, for she began immediately
in an eager voice and a look of fever in her eyes:
“You won’t try to stop
me, will you? I must go away to-morrow.”
Repton used more tact now than his
wife had done. He took the troubled and excited
woman’s hand and answered her very gently:
“Of course, Stella. You shall go when you
like.”
“Oh, thank you,” she cried,
and was freed to remember the debt which she owed
to these good friends of hers. “You must
think me a brute, Jane! I haven’t said
a word to you about all your kindness. But oh,
you’ll think me ridiculous, when you know” and
she began to laugh and to sob in one breath.
Stella Ballantyne had remained so sunk in apathy through
all that long trial that her friends were relieved
at her outburst of tears. Jane Repton led her
upstairs and put her to bed just as if she had been
a child.
“There! You can get up
for dinner if you like, Stella, or stay where you
are. And if you’ll tell us what you want
to do we’ll make the arrangements for you and
not ask you a question.”
Jane Repton kissed her and left her
alone; and it was while Stella was sleeping upstairs
that Henry Thresk called at the house and was told
that there was no news for him.
“No doubt she will write to
you, Mr. Thresk, if she wishes you to know what she
is doing. But I should not count upon it if I
were you,” said Jane Repton, in a sweet voice
and with eyes like pebbles. “She did not
mention you, I am sorry to say, when the trial was
over.”
She could not forgive him because
of her own share in what she now called his “treachery”
towards Stella. She had no more of the logician
in her composition than Thresk had of the hero.
He had committed under a great stress of emotion and
sympathy what the whole experience and method of his
life told him was one of the worst of crimes.
And now that its object was achieved, and Stella Ballantyne
free, he was in the mood to see only the harm which
he had done to the majesty of the law; he was uneasy;
he was not troubled by the thought that discovery
would absolutely ruin him. That indeed did not
enter into his thoughts. But he could not but
make a picture of himself in the robe of a King’s
Counsel, claiming sternly the anger of the Law against
some other man who should have done just what he had
done, no more and no less. And so when Mrs. Repton’s
door was finally closed upon him, and no message was
given to him from the woman he had saved, he was at
once human and unheroic enough to visit a little of
his resentment upon her. He had not spoken to
her at all since the night at Chitipur; he had no
knowledge of the stupor and the prostration into which,
after her years of misery, she had fallen; he had no
insight into the one compelling passion which now
had her, body and soul, in its grip. He turned
away from the door and went back to the Taj Mahal.
A steamer would be starting for Port Said in two days
and by that steamer he would travel. That Stella
was in the house on the Khamballa Hill he did not
doubt, but since she had no word or thought to spare
for him he could not but turn his back and go.
Stella herself got up to dinner, and
after it was over she told her friends of the longing
which filled her soul.
“All through the trial,”
she said shyly, with the shrinking of those who reveal
a very secret fancy and are afraid that it will be
ridiculed, “in the heat of the court, in the
close captivity of my cell, I was conscious of just
one real unconquerable passion to feel the
wind blowing against my face upon the Sussex Downs.
Can you understand that? Just to see the broad
green hills with the white chalk hollows in their sides
and the forests marching down to the valleys like
the Roman soldiers from Chichester oh!
I was mad for the look and the smell and the sounds
of them! It was all that I thought about.
I used to close my eyes in the dock and I was away
in a second riding through Charlton Forest or over
Farm Hill, or looking down to Slindon from Gumber Corner,
and over its woods to the sea. And now that I
am free” she clasped her hands and
her face grew radiant “oh, I don’t
want to see people.” She reached out a
hand to each of her friends. “I don’t
call you people, you know. But even you you’ll
understand and forgive and not be hurt I
don’t want to see for a little while.”
The beaten look of her took the sting
of ingratitude out of her words. She stood between
them, her delicate face worn thin, her eyes unnaturally
big; she had the strange transparent beauty of people
who have been lying for months in a mortal sickness.
Jane Repton’s eyes filled with tears and her
hand sought for her handkerchief.
“Let’s see what can be
done,” said Repton. “There’s
a mail-steamer of course, but you won’t want
to travel by that.”
“No.”
Repton worked out the sailings from
Bombay and the other ports on the western coast of
India while Stella leaned over his shoulder.
“Look!” he said.
“This is the best way. There’s a steamer
going to Kurrachee to-morrow, and when you reach Kurrachee
you’ll just have time to catch a German Lloyd
boat which calls at Southampton. You won’t
be home in thirteen days to be sure, but on the other
hand you won’t be pestered by curious people.”
“Yes, yes,” cried Stella eagerly.
“I can go to-morrow.”
“Very well.”
Repton looked at the clock. It
was still no more than half-past ten. He saw
with what a fever of impatience Stella was consumed.
“I believe I could lay my hand
on the local manager of the line to-night and fix
your journey up for you.”
“You could?” cried Stella.
He might have been offering her a crown, so brightly
her thanks shone in her eyes.
“I think so.”
He got up from the table and stood
looking at her, and then away from her with his lips
pursed in doubt.
“Yes?” said she.
“I was thinking. Will you
travel under another name? I don’t suggest
it really, only it might save you annoyance.”
Repton’s hesitation was misplaced,
for Stella Ballantyne’s pride was quite beaten
to the ground.
“Yes,” she said at once.
“I should wish to do that”; and both he
and his wife understood from that ready answer more
completely than they ever had before how near Stella
had come to the big blank wall at the end of life.
For seven years she had held her head high, never so
much as whispering a reproach against her husband,
keeping with a perpetual guard the secret of her misery.
Pride had been her mainspring; now even that was broken.
Repton went out of the house and returned at midnight.
“It’s all settled,”
he said. “You will have a cabin on deck
in both steamers. I gave your name in confidence
to the manager here and he will take care that everything
possible is done for you. There will be very
few passengers on the German boat. The season
is too early for either the tourists or the people
on leave.”
Thus Stella Ballantyne crept away
from Bombay and in five weeks’ time she landed
at Southampton. There she resumed her name.
She travelled into Sussex and stayed for a few nights
at the inn whither Henry Thresk had come years before
on his momentous holiday. She had a little money the
trifling income which her parents had left to her upon
their death and she began to look about
for a house. By a piece of good fortune she discovered
that the cottage in which she had lived at Little Beeding
would be empty in a few months. She took it and
before the summer was out she was once more established
there. It was on an afternoon of August when
Stella made her home in it again. She passed along
the yellow lane driven deep between high banks of
earth where the roots of great elm-trees cropped out.
Every step was familiar to her. The lane with
many twists under overarching branches ran down a
steep hill and came out into the open by the big house
with its pillared portico and its light grey stone
and its wonderful garden of lawn and flowers and cedars.
A tiny church with a narrow graveyard and strange
carefully-trimmed square bushes of yew stood next
to the house, and beyond the church the lane dipped
to the river and the cottage.
Stella went from room to room.
She had furnished the cottage simply and daintily;
the walls were bright, her servant-girl had gathered
flowers and set them about. Outside the window
the sunlight shone on a green garden. She was
alone. It was the home-coming she had wished for.
For three or four months she was left
alone; and then one afternoon as she came into the
cottage after a walk she found a little white card
upon the table. It bore the name of Mr. Hazlewood.