Amelia Porter sat by her great open
fireplace, where the round, consequential black kettle
hung from the crane, and breathed out a steamy cloud
to be at once licked up and absorbed by the heat from
a snatching flame below. It was exactly a year
and a day since her husband’s death, and she
had packed herself away in his own corner of the settle,
her hands clasped across her knees, and her red-brown
eyes brooding on the nearer embers. She was not
definitely speculating on her future, nor had she
any heart for retracing the dull and gentle past.
She had simply relaxed hold on her mind; and so, escaping
her, it had gone wandering off into shadowy prophecies
of the immediate years. For, as Amelia had been
telling herself for the last three months, since she
had begun to outgrow the habit of a dual life, she
was not old. Whenever she looked in the glass,
she could not help noting how free from wrinkles her
swarthy face had been kept, and that the line of her
mouth was still scarlet over white, even teeth.
Her crisp black hair, curling in those tight fine
rolls which a bashful admirer had once commended as
“full of little jerks,” showed not a trace
of gray. All this evidence of her senses read
her a fair tale of the possibilities of the morrow;
and without once saying, “I will take up a new
life,” she did tacitly acknowledge that life
was not over.
It was a “snapping cold”
night of early spring, so misplaced as to bring with
it a certain dramatic excitement. The roads were
frozen hard, and shone like silver in the ruts.
All day sleds had gone creaking past, set to that
fine groaning which belongs to the music of the year.
The drivers’ breath ascended in steam, the while
they stamped down the probability of freezing, and
yelled to Buck and Broad until that inner fervor raised
them one degree in warmth. The smoking cattle
held their noses low, and swayed beneath the yoke.
Amelia, shut snugly in her winter-tight
house, had felt the power of the day without sharing
its discomforts; and her eyes deepened and burned
with a sense of the movement and warmth of living.
To-night, under the spell of some vague expectancy,
she had sat still for a long time, her sewing laid
aside and her room scrupulously in order. She
was waiting for what was not to be acknowledged even
to her own intimate self. But as the clock struck
nine, she roused herself, and shook off her mood in
impatience and a disappointment which she would not
own. She looked about the room, as she often
had of late, and began to enumerate its possibilities
in case she should desire to have it changed.
Amelia never went so far as to say that change should
be; she only felt that she had still a right to speculate
upon it, as she had done for many years, as a form
of harmless enjoyment. While every other house
in the neighborhood had gone from the consistently
good to the prosperously bad in the matter of refurnishing,
John Porter had kept his precisely as his grandfather
had left it to him. Amelia had never once complained;
she had observed toward her husband an unfailing deference,
due, she felt, to his twenty years’ seniority;
perhaps, also, it stood in her own mind as the only
amends she could offer him for having married him without
love. It was her father who made the match; and
Amelia had succumbed, not through the obedience claimed
by parents of an elder day, but from hot jealousy
and the pique inevitably born of it. Laurie Morse
had kept the singing-school that winter. He had
loved Amelia; he had bound himself to her by all the
most holy vows sworn from aforetime, and then, in
some wanton exhibit of power - gone home with
another girl. And for Amelia’s responsive
throb of feminine anger, she had spent fifteen years
of sober country living with a man who had wrapped
her about with the quiet tenderness of a strong nature,
but who was not of her own generation either in mind
or in habit; and Laurie had kept a music-store in
Saltash, seven miles away, and remained unmarried.
Now Amelia looked about the room,
and mentally displaced the furniture, as she had done
so many times while she and her husband sat there
together. The settle could be taken to the attic.
She had not the heart to carry out one secret resolve
indulged in moments of impatient bitterness, - to
split it up for firewood. But it could at least
be exiled. She would have a good cook-stove,
and the great fireplace should be walled up.
The tin kitchen, sitting now beside the hearth in shining
quaintness, should also go into the attic. The
old clock - But at that instant the clash
of bells shivered the frosty air, and Amelia threw
her vain imaginings aside like a garment, and sprang
to her feet. She clasped her hands in a spontaneous
gesture of rapt attention; and when the sound paused
at her gate, with one or two sweet, lingering clingles,
“I knew it!” she said aloud. Yet she
did not go to the window to look into the moonlit
night. Standing there in the middle of the room,
she awaited the knock which was not long in coming.
It was imperative, insistent. Amelia, who had
a spirit responsive to the dramatic exigencies of
life, felt a little flush spring into her face, so
hot that, on the way to the door, she involuntarily
put her hand to her cheek and held it there.
The door came open grumblingly. It sagged upon
the hinges, but, well-used to its vagaries, she overcame
it with a regardless haste.
“Come in,” she said, at
once, to the man on the step. “It’s
cold. Oh, come in!”
He stepped inside the entry, removing
his fur cap, and disclosing a youthful face charged
with that radiance which made him, at thirty-five,
almost the counterpart of his former self. It
may have come only from the combination of curly brown
hair, blue eyes, and an aspiring lift of the chin,
but it always seemed to mean a great deal more.
In the kitchen, he threw off his heavy coat, while
Amelia, bright-eyed and breathing quickly, stood by,
quite silent. Then he looked at her.
“You expected me, didn’t you?” he
asked.
A warmer color surged into her cheeks.
“I didn’t know,” she said perversely.
“I guess you did. It’s
one day over a year. You knew I’d wait a
year.”
“It ain’t a year over
the services,” said Amelia, trying to keep the
note of vital expectancy out of her voice. “It
won’t be that till Friday.”
“Well, Saturday I’ll come
again.” He went over to the fire and stretched
out his hands to the blaze. “Come here,”
he said imperatively, “while I talk to you.”
Amelia stepped forward obediently,
like a good little child. The old fascination
was still as dominant as at its birth, sixteen years
ago. She realized, with a strong, splendid sense
of the eternity of things, that always, even while
it would have been treason to recognize it, she had
known how ready it was to rise and live again.
All through her married years, she had sternly drugged
it and kept it sleeping. Now it had a right to
breathe, and she gloried in it.
“I said to myself I wouldn’t
come to-day,” went on Laurie, without looking
at her. A new and excited note had come into his
voice, responsive to her own. He gazed down at
the fire, musing the while he spoke. “Then
I found I couldn’t help it. That’s
why I’m so late. I stayed in the shop till
seven, and some fellows come in and wanted me to play.
I took up the fiddle, and begun. But I hadn’t
more’n drew a note before I laid it down and
put for the door. ‘Dick, you keep shop,’
says I. And I harnessed up, and drove like the devil.”
Amelia felt warm with life and hope;
she was taking up her youth just where the story ended.
“You ain’t stopped swearin’
yet!” she remarked, with a little excited laugh.
Then, from an undercurrent of exhilaration, it occurred
to her that she had never laughed so in all these
years.
“Well,” said Laurie abruptly,
turning upon her, “how am I goin’ to start
out? Shall we hark back to old scores? I
know what come between us. So do you. Have
we got to talk it out, or can we begin now?”
“Begin now,” replied Amelia
faintly. Her breath choked her. He stretched
out his arms to her in sudden passion. His hands
touched her sleeves and, with an answering rapidity
of motion, she drew back. She shrank within herself,
and her face gathered a look of fright. “No!
no! no!” she cried strenuously.
His arms fell at his sides, and he
looked at her in amazement.
“What’s the matter?” he demanded.
Amelia had retreated, until she stood
now with one hand on the table. She could not
look at him, and when she answered, her voice shook.
“There’s nothin’
the matter,” she answered. “Only you
mustn’t - yet.”
A shade of relief passed over his face, and he smiled.
“There, there!” he said,
“never you mind. I understand. But
if I come over the last of the week, I guess it will
be different. Won’t it be different, Milly?”
“Yes,” she owned, with
a little sob in her throat, “it will be different.”
Thrown out of his niche of easy friendliness
with circumstance, he stood there in irritated consciousness
that here was some subtile barrier which he had not
foreseen. Ever since John Porter’s death,
there had been strengthening in him a joyous sense
that Milly’s life and his own must have been
running parallel all this time, and that it needed
only a little widening of channels to make them join.
His was no crass certainty of finding her ready to
drop into his hand; it was rather a childlike, warm-hearted
faith in the permanence of her affection for him,
and perhaps, too, a shrewd estimate of his own lingering
youth compared with John Porter’s furrowed face
and his fifty-five years. But now, with this
new whiffling of the wind, he could only stand rebuffed
and recognize his own perplexity.
“You do care, don’t you,
Milly?” he asked, with a boy’s frank ardor.
“You want me to come again?”
All her own delight in youth and the
warm naturalness of life had rushed back upon her.
“Yes,” she answered eagerly.
“I’ll tell you the truth. I always
did tell you the truth. I do want you to come.”
“But you don’t want me
to-night!” He lifted his brows, pursing his lips
whimsically; and Amelia laughed.
“No,” said she, with a
little defiant movement of her own crisp head, “I
don’t know as I do want you to-night!”
Laurie shook himself into his coat.
“Well,” he said, on his way to the door,
“I’ll be round Saturday, whether or no.
And Milly,” he added significantly, his hand
on the latch, “you’ve got to like me then!”
Amelia laughed. “I guess
there won’t be no trouble!” she called
after him daringly.
She stood there in the biting wind,
while he uncovered the horse and drove away.
Then she went shaking back to her fire; but it was
not altogether from cold. The sense of the consistency
of love and youth, the fine justice with which nature
was paying an old debt, had raised her to a stature
above her own. She stood there under the mantel,
and held by it while she trembled. For the first
time, her husband had gone utterly out of her life.
It was as though he had not been.
“Saturday!” she said to
herself. “Saturday! Three days till
then!”
Next morning, the spring asserted
itself, - there came a whiff of wind from
the south and a feeling of thaw. The sled-runners
began to cut through to the frozen ground, and about
the tree-trunks, where thin crusts of ice were sparkling,
came a faint musical sound of trickling drops.
The sun was regnant, and little brown birds flew cheerily
over the snow and talked of nests.
Amelia finished her housework by nine
o’clock, and then sat down in her low rocker
by the south window, sewing in thrifty haste.
The sun fell hotly through the panes, and when she
looked up, the glare met her eyes. She seemed
to be sitting in a golden shower, and she liked it.
No sunlight ever made her blink, or screw her face
into wrinkles. She throve in it like a rose-tree.
At ten o’clock, one of the slow-moving sleds,
out that day in premonition of a “spell o’
weather,” swung laboriously into her yard and
ground its way up to the side-door. The sled
was empty, save for a rocking-chair where sat an enormous
woman enveloped in shawls, her broad face surrounded
by a pumpkin hood. Her dark brown front came
low over her forehead, and she wore spectacles with
wide bows, which gave her an added expression of benevolence.
She waved a mittened hand to Amelia when their eyes
met, and her heavy face broke up into smiles.
“Here I be!” she called
in a thick, gurgling voice, as Amelia hastened out,
her apron thrown over her head. “Didn’t
expect me, did ye? Nobody looks for an old rheumatic
creatur’. She’s more out o’
the runnin’ ’n a last year’s bird’s-nest.”
“Why, aunt Ann!” cried
Amelia, in unmistakable joy. “I’m
tickled to death to see you. Here, Amos, I’ll
help get her out.”
The driver, a short, thick-set man
of neutral, ashy tints and a sprinkling of hair and
beard, trudged round the oxen and drew the rocking-chair
forward without a word. He never once looked in
Amelia’s direction, and she seemed not to expect
it; but he had scarcely laid hold of the chair when
aunt Ann broke forth: -
“Now, Amos, ain’t you
goin’ to take no notice of ’Melia, no more’n
if she wa’n’t here? She ain’t
a bump on a log, nor you a born fool.”
Amos at once relinquished his sway
over the chair, and stood looking abstractedly at
the oxen, who, with their heads low, had already fallen
into that species of day-dream whereby they compensate
themselves for human tyranny. They were waiting
for Amos, and Amos, in obedience to some inward resolve,
waited for commotion to cease.
“If ever I was ashamed, I be
now!” continued aunt Ann, still with an expression
of settled good-nature, and in a voice all jollity
though raised conscientiously to a scolding pitch.
“To think I should bring such a creatur’
into the world, an’ set by to see him treat his
own relations like the dirt under his feet!”
Amelia laughed. She was exhilarated
by the prospect of company, and this domestic whirlpool
had amused her from of old.
“Law, aunt Ann,” she said,
“you let Amos alone. He and I are old cronies.
We understand one another. Here, Amos, catch hold!
We shall all get our deaths out here, if we don’t
do nothin’ but stand still and squabble.”
The immovable Amos had only been awaiting
his cue. He lifted the laden chair with perfect
ease to one of the piazza steps, and then to another;
when it had reached the topmost level, he dragged it
over the sill into the kitchen, and, leaving his mother
sitting in colossal triumph by the fire, turned about
and took his silent way to the outer world.
“Amos,” called aunt Ann,
“do you mean to say you’re goin’
to walk out o’ this house without speakin’
a civil word to anybody? Do you mean to say that?”
“I don’t mean to say nothin’,”
confided Amos to his worsted muffler, as he took up
his goad, and began backing the oxen round.
Undisturbed and not at all daunted
by a reply for which she had not even listened, aunt
Ann raised her voice in cheerful response: “Well,
you be along ‘tween three an’ four, an’
you’ll find me ready.”
“Mercy, aunt Ann!” said
Amelia, beginning to unwind the visitor’s wraps,
“what makes you keep houndin’ Amos that
way? If he hasn’t spoke for thirty-five
years, it ain’t likely he’s goin’
to begin now.”
Aunt Ann was looking about her with
an expression of beaming delight in unfamiliar surroundings.
She laughed a rich, unctuous laugh, and stretched
her hands to the blaze.
“Law,” she said contentedly,
“of course it ain’t goin’ to do no
good. Who ever thought ’t would? But
I’ve been at that boy all these years to make
him like other folks, an’ I ain’t goin’
to stop now. He never shall say his own mother
didn’t know her duty towards him. Well,
’Melia, you air kind o’ snug here,
arter all! Here, you hand me my bag, an’
I’ll knit a stitch. I ain’t a mite
cold.”
Amelia was bustling about the fire,
her mind full of the possibilities of a company dinner.
“How’s your limbs?”
she asked, while aunt Ann drew out a long stocking,
and began to knit with an amazing rapidity of which
her fat fingers gave no promise.
“Well, I ain’t allowed
to forgit ’em very often,” she replied
comfortably. “Rheumatiz is my cross, an’
I’ve got to bear it. Sometimes I wish ’t
had gone into my hands ruther ‘n my feet, an’
I could ha’ got round. But there! if ‘t
ain’t one thing, it’s another. Mis’
Eben Smith’s got eight young ones down with
the whoopin’-cough. Amos dragged me over
there yisterday; an’ when I heerd ’em tryin’
to see which could bark the loudest, I says, ‘Give
me the peace o’ Jerusalem in my own house, even
if I don’t stir a step for the next five year
no more’n I have for the last.’ I
dunno what ’t would be if I hadn’t a darter.
I’ve been greatly blessed.”
The talk went on in pleasant ripples,
while Amelia moved back and forth from pantry to table.
She brought out the mixing-board, and began to put
her bread in the pans, while the tin kitchen stood
in readiness by the hearth. The sunshine flooded
all the room, and lay insolently on the paling fire;
the Maltese cat sat in the broadest shaft of all, and,
having lunched from her full saucer in the corner,
made her second toilet for the day.
“’Melia,” said aunt
Ann suddenly, looking down over her glasses at the
tin kitchen, “ain’t it a real cross to
bake in that thing?”
“I always had it in mind to
buy me a range,” answered Amelia reservedly,
“but somehow we never got to it.”
“That’s the only thing
I ever had ag’inst John. He was as grand
a man as ever was, but he did set everything by such
truck. Don’t turn out the old things, I
say, no more’n the old folks; but when it comes
to makin’ a woman stan’ quiddlin’
round doin’ work back side foremost, that beats
me.”
“He’d have got me a stove
in a minute,” burst forth Amelia in haste, “only
he never knew I wanted it!”
“More fool you not to ha’
said so!” commented aunt Ann, unwinding her
ball. “Well, I s’pose he would.
John wa’n’t like the common run o’
men. Great strong creatur’ he was, but
there was suthin’ about him as soft as a woman.
His mother used to say his eyes ‘d fill full
o’ tears when he broke up a settin’ hen.
He was a good husband to you, - a good provider
an’ a good friend.”
Amelia was putting down her bread
for its last rising, and her face flushed.
“Yes,” she said gently, “he was
good.”
“But there!” continued
aunt Ann, dismissing all lighter considerations, “I
dunno’s that’s any reason why you should
bake in a tin kitchen, nor why you should need to
heat up the brick oven every week, when ’t was
only done to please him, an’ he ain’t here
to know. Now, ’Melia, le’s see what
you could do. When you got the range in, ’t
would alter this kitchen all over. Why don’t
you tear down that old-fashioned mantelpiece in the
fore-room?”
“I could have a marble one,”
responded Amelia in a low voice. She had taken
her sewing again, and she bent her head over it as
if she were ashamed. A flush had risen in her
cheeks, and her hand trembled.
“Wide marble! real low down!”
confirmed aunt Ann, in a tone of triumph. “So
fur as that goes, you could have a marble-top table.”
She laid down her knitting, and looked about her,
a spark of excited anticipation in her eyes.
All the habits of a lifetime urged her on to arrange
and rearrange, in pursuit of domestic perfection.
People used to say, in her first married days, that
Ann Doby wasted more time in planning conveniences
about her house than she ever saved by them “arter
she got ’em.” In her active years,
she was, in local phrase, “a driver.”
Up and about early and late, she directed and managed
until her house seemed to be a humming hive of industry
and thrift. Yet there was never anything too
urgent in that sway. Her beaming good-humor acted
as a buffer between her and the doers of her will;
and though she might scold, she never rasped and irritated.
Nor had she really succumbed in the least to the disease
which had practically disabled her. It might confine
her to a chair and render her dependent upon the service
of others, but over it, also, was she spiritual victor.
She could sit in her kitchen and issue orders; and
her daughter, with no initiative genius of her own,
had all aunt Ann’s love of “springin’
to it.” She cherished, besides, a worshipful
admiration for her mother; so that she asked no more
than to act as the humble hand under that directing
head. It was Amos who tacitly rebelled.
When a boy in school, he virtually gave up talking,
and thereafter opened his lips only when some practical
exigency was to be filled. But once did he vouchsafe
a reason for that eccentricity. It was in his
fifteenth year, as aunt Ann remembered well, when the
minister had called; and Amos, in response to some
remark about his hope of salvation, had looked abstractedly
out of the window.
“I’d be ashamed,”
announced aunt Ann, after the minister had gone, - “Amos,
I would be ashamed, if I couldn’t open
my head to a minister o’ the gospel!”
“If one head’s open permanent
in a house, I guess that fills the bill,” said
Amos, getting up to seek the woodpile. “I
ain’t goin’ to interfere with nobody else’s
contract.”
His mother looked after him with gaping
lips, and, for the space of half an hour, spoke no
word.
To-day she saw before her an alluring
field of action; the prospect roused within her energies
never incapable of responding to a spur.
“My soul, ’Melia!”
she exclaimed, looking about the kitchen with a dominating
eye, “how I should like to git hold o’
this house! I al’ays did have a hankerin’
that way, an’ I don’t mind tellin’
ye. You could change it all round complete.”
“It’s a good house,”
said Amelia evasively, taking quick, even stitches,
but listening hungrily to the voice of outside temptation.
It seemed to confirm all the long-suppressed ambitions
of her own heart.
“You’re left well on ’t,”
continued aunt Ann, her shrewd blue eyes taking on
a speculative look. “I’m glad you
sold the stock. A woman never undertakes man’s
work but she comes out the little eend o’ the
horn. The house is enough, if you keep it nice.
Now, you’ve got that money laid away, an’
all he left you besides. You could live in the
village, if you was a mind to.”
A deep flush struck suddenly into
Amelia’s cheek. She thought of Saltash
and Laurie Morse.
“I don’t want to live
in the village,” she said sharply, thus reproving
her own errant mind. “I like my home.”
“Law, yes, of course ye do,”
replied aunt Ann easily, returning to her knitting.
“I was only spec’latin’. The
land, ‘Melia, what you doin’ of?
Repairin’ an old coat?”
Amelia bent lower over her sewing.
“’T was his,” she answered in a voice
almost inaudible. “I put a patch on it last
night by lamplight, and when daytime come, I found
it was purple. So I’m takin’ it off,
and puttin’ on a black one to match the stuff.”
“Goin’ to give it away?”
“No, I ain’t,” returned
Amelia, again with that sharp, remonstrant note in
her voice. “What makes you think I’d
do such a thing as that?”
“Law, I didn’t mean no
harm. You said you was repairin’ on ’t, - that’s
all.”
Amelia was ashamed of her momentary
outbreak. She looked up and smiled sunnily.
“Well, I suppose it is
foolish,” she owned, - “too foolish
to tell. But I’ve been settin’ all
his clothes in order to lay ’em aside at last.
I kind o’ like to do it.”
Aunt Ann wagged her head, and ran
a knitting-needle up under her cap on a voyage of
discovery.
“You think so now,” she
said wisely, “but you’ll see some time
it’s better by fur to give ’em away while
ye can. The time never’ll come when it’s
any easier. My soul, ’Melia, how I should
like to git up into your chambers! It’s
six year now sence I’ve seen ’em.”
Amelia laid down her work and considered the possibility.
“I don’t know how in the
world I could h’ist you up there,” she
remarked, from an evident background of hospitable
good-will.
“H’ist me up? I guess
you couldn’t! You’d need a tackle
an’ falls. Amos has had to come to draggin’
me round by degrees, an’ I don’t go off
the lower floor. Be them chambers jest the same,
’Melia?”
“Oh, yes, they’re just
the same. Everything is. You know he didn’t
like changes.”
“Blue spread on the west room bed?”
“Yes.”
“Spinnin’-wheels out in
the shed chamber, where his gran’mother Hooper
kep’ ’em?”
“Yes.”
“Say, ’Melia, do you s’pose
that little still’s up attic he used to have
such a royal good time with, makin’ essences?”
Amelia’s eyes filled suddenly with hot, unmanageable
tears.
“Yes,” she said; “we
used it only two summers ago. I come across it
yesterday. Seemed as if I could smell the peppermint
I brought in for him to pick over. He was too
sick to go out much then.”
Aunt Ann had laid down her work again,
and was gazing into vistas of rich enjoyment.
“I’ll be whipped if I
shouldn’t like to see that little still!”
“I’ll go up and bring
it down after dinner,” said Amelia soberly,
folding her work and taking off her thimble. “I’d
just as soon as not.”
All through the dinner hour aunt Ann
kept up an inspiring stream of question and reminiscence.
“You be a good cook,
‘Melia, an’ no mistake,” she remarked,
breaking her brown hot biscuit. “This your
same kind o’ bread, made without yeast?”
“Yes,” answered Amelia,
pouring the tea. “I save a mite over from
the last risin’.”
Aunt Ann smelled the biscuit critically.
“Well, it makes proper nice bread,” she
said, “but seems to me that’s a terrible
shif’less way to go about it. However ’d
you happen to git hold on ’t? You wa’n’t
never brought up to ’t.”
“His mother used to make it
so. ’T was no great trouble, and ’t
would have worried him if I’d changed.”
When the lavender-sprigged china had
been washed and the hearth swept up, the room fell
into its aspect of afternoon repose. The cat,
after another serious ablution, sprang up into a chair
drawn close to the fireplace, and coiled herself symmetrically
on the faded patchwork cushion. Amelia stroked
her in passing. She liked to see puss appropriate
that chair; her purr from it renewed the message of
domestic content.
“Now,” said Amelia, “I’ll
get the still.”
“Bring down anything else that’s
ancient!” called aunt Ann. “We’ve
pretty much got red o’ such things over t’
our house, but I kind o’ like to see ’em.”
When Amelia returned, she staggered
under a miscellaneous burden: the still, some
old swifts for winding yarn, and a pair of wool-cards.
“I don’t believe you know
so much about cardin’ wool as I do,” she
said, in some triumph, regarding the cards with the
saddened gaze of one who recalls an occupation never
to be resumed. “You see, you dropped all
such work when new things come in. I kept right
on because he wanted me to.”
Aunt Ann was abundantly interested and amused.
“Well, now, if ever!”
she repeated over and over again. “If this
don’t carry me back! Seems if I could hear
the wheel hummin’ an’ gramma Balch steppin’
back an’ forth as stiddy as a clock. It’s
been a good while sence I’ve thought o’
such old days.”
“If it’s old days you
want” - began Amelia, and she sped upstairs
with a fresh light of resolution in her eyes.
It was a long time before she returned, - so
long that aunt Ann exhausted the still, and turned
again to her thrifty knitting. Then there came
a bumping noise on the stairs, and Amelia’s
shuffling tread.
“What under the sun be you doin’
of?” called her aunt, listening, with her head
on one side. “Don’t you fall, ’Melia!
Whatever ’t is, I can’t help ye.”
But the stairway door yielded to pressure
from within: and first a rim of wood appeared,
and then Amelia, scarlet and breathless, staggering
under a spinning-wheel.
“Forever!” ejaculated
aunt Ann, making one futile effort to rise, like some
cumbersome fowl whose wings are clipped. “My
land alive! you’ll break a blood-vessel, an’
then where’ll ye be?”
Amelia triumphantly drew the wheel
to the middle of the floor, and then blew upon her
dusty hands and smoothed her tumbled hair. She
took off her apron and wiped the wheel with it rather
tenderly, as if an ordinary duster would not do.
“There!” she said.
“Here’s some rolls right here in the bedroom.
I carded them myself, but I never expected to spin
any more.”
She adjusted a roll to the spindle,
and, quite forgetting aunt Ann, began stepping back
and forth in a rhythmical march of feminine service.
The low hum of her spinning filled the air, and she
seemed to be wrapped about by an atmosphere of remoteness
and memory. Even aunt Ann was impressed by it;
and once, beginning to speak, she looked at Amelia’s
face, and stopped. The purring silence continued,
lulling all lesser energies to sleep, until Amelia,
pausing to adjust her thread, found her mood broken
by actual stillness, and gazed about her like one awakened
from dreams.
“There!” she said, recalling
herself. “Ain’t that a good smooth
thread? I’ve sold lots of yarn. They
ask for it in Sudleigh.”
“‘Tis so!” confirmed
aunt Ann cordially. “An’ you’ve
al’ays dyed it yourself, too!”
“Yes, a good blue; sometimes
tea-color. There, now, you can’t say you
ain’t heard a spinnin’-wheel once more!”
Amelia moved the wheel to the side
of the room, and went gravely back to her chair.
Her energy had fled, leaving her hushed and tremulous.
But not for that did aunt Ann relinquish her quest
for the betterment of the domestic world. Her
tongue clicked the faster as Amelia’s halted.
She put away her work altogether, and sat, with wagging
head and eloquent hands, still holding forth on the
changes which might be wrought in the house:
a bay window here, a sofa there, new chairs, tables,
and furnishings. Amelia’s mind swam in
a sea of green rep, and she found herself looking
up from time to time at her mellowed four walls, to
see if they sparkled in desirable yet somewhat terrifying
gilt paper.
At four o’clock, when Amos swung
into the yard with the oxen, she was remorsefully
conscious of heaving a sigh of relief; and she bade
him in to the cup of tea ready for him by the fire
with a sympathetic sense that too little was made
of Amos, and that perhaps only she, at that moment,
understood his habitual frame of mind. He drank
his tea in silence, the while aunt Ann, with much
relish, consumed doughnuts and cheese, having spread
a wide handkerchief in her lap to catch the crumbs.
Amos never varied in his rôle of automaton; and Amelia
talked rapidly, in the hope of protecting him from
verbal avalanches. But she was not to succeed.
At the very moment of parting, aunt Ann, enthroned
in her chair, with a clogging stick under the rockers,
called a halt, just as the oxen gave their tremulous
preparatory heave.
“Amos!” cried she, “I’ll
be whipped if you’ve spoke one word to ’Melia
this livelong day! If you ain’t ashamed,
I be! If you can’t speak, I can!”
Amos paused, with his habitual resignation
to circumstances, but Amelia sped forward and clapped
him cordially on the arm; with the other hand, she
dealt one of the oxen a futile blow.
“Huddup, Bright!” she
called, with a swift, smiling look at Amos. Even
in kindness she would not do him the wrong of an unnecessary
word. “Good-by, aunt Ann! Come again!”
Amos turned half about, the goad over
his shoulder. His dull-seeming eyes had opened
to a gleam of human feeling, betraying how bright and
keen they were. Some hidden spring had been touched,
though only they would tell its story. Amelia
thought it was gratitude. And then aunt Ann,
nodding her farewells in assured contentment with herself
and all the world, was drawn slowly out of the yard.
When Amelia went indoors and warmed
her chilled hands at the fire, the silence seemed
to her benignant. What was loneliness before had
miraculously translated itself into peace. That
worldly voice, strangely clothing her own longings
with form and substance, had been stilled; only the
clock, rich in the tranquillity of age, ticked on,
and the cat stretched herself and curled up again.
Amelia sat down in the waning light and took a last
stitch in her work; she looked the coat over critically
with an artistic satisfaction, and then hung it behind
the door in its accustomed place, where it had remained
undisturbed now for many months. She ate soberly
and sparingly of her early supper, and then, leaving
the lamp on a side-table, where it brought out great
shadows in the room, she took a little cricket and
sat down by the fire. There she had mused many
an evening which seemed to her less dull than the
general course of her former life, while her husband
occupied the hearthside chair and told her stories
of the war. He had a childlike clearness and
simplicity of speech, and a self-forgetful habit of
reminiscence. The war was the war to him, not
a theatre for boastful individual action; but Amelia
remembered now that he had seemed to hold heroic proportions
in relation to that immortal past. One could hardly
bring heroism into the potato-field and the cow-house;
but after this lapse of time, it began to dawn upon
her that the man who had fought at Gettysburg and
the man who marked out for her the narrow rut of an
unchanging existence were one and the same. And
as if the moment had come for an expected event, she
heard again the jangling of bells without, and the
old vivid color rushed into her cheeks, reddened before
by the fire-shine. It was as though the other
night had been a rehearsal, and as if now she knew
what was coming. Yet she only clasped her hands
more tightly about her knees and waited, the while
her heart hurried its time. The knocker fell
twice, with a resonant clang. She did not move.
It beat again, the more insistently. Then the
heavy outer door was pushed open, and Laurie Morse
came in, looking exactly as she knew he would look - half
angry, wholly excited, and dowered with the beauty
of youth recalled. He took off his cap and stood
before her.
“Why didn’t you come?”
he asked imperatively. “Why didn’t
you let me in?”
The old wave of irresponsible joy
rose in her at his presence; yet it was now not so
much a part of her real self as a delight in some
influence which might prove foreign to her. She
answered him, as she was always impelled to do, dramatically,
as if he gave her the cue, calling for words which
might be her sincere expression, and might not.
“If you wanted it enough, you
could get in,” she said perversely, with an
alluring coquetry in her mien. “The door
was unfastened.”
“I did want to enough,”
he responded. A new light came into his eyes.
He held out his hands toward her. “Get
up off that cricket!” he commanded. “Come
here!”
Amelia rose with a swift, feminine
motion, but she stepped backward, one hand upon her
heart. She thought its beating could be heard.
“It ain’t Saturday,” she whispered.
“No, it ain’t. But
I couldn’t wait. You knew I couldn’t.
You knew I’d come to-night.”
The added years had had their effect
on him; possibly, too, there had been growing up in
him the strength of a long patience. He was not
an heroic type of man; but noting the sudden wrinkles
in his face and the firmness of his mouth, Amelia
conceived a swift respect for him which she had never
felt in the days of their youth.
“Am I goin’ to stay,”
he asked sternly, “or shall I go home?”
As if in dramatic accord with his
words, the bells jangled loudly at the gate.
Should he go or stay?
“I suppose,” said Amelia faintly, “you’re
goin’ to stay.”
Laurie laid down his cap, and pulled
off his coat. He looked about impatiently, and
then, moving toward the nail by the door, he lifted
the coat to place it over that other one hanging there.
Amelia had watched him absently, thinking only, with
a hungry anticipation, how much she had needed him;
but as the garment touched her husband’s, the
real woman burst through the husk of her outer self,
and came to life with an intensity that was pain.
She sprang forward.
“No! no!” she cried, the
words ringing wildly in her own ears. “No!
no! don’t you hang it there! Don’t
you! don’t you!” She swept him aside, and
laid her hands upon the old patched garment on the
nail. It was as if they blessed it, and as if
they defended it also. Her eyes burned with the
horror of witnessing some irrevocable deed.
Laurie stepped back in pure surprise.
“No, of course not,” said he. “I’ll
put it on a chair. Why, what’s the matter,
Milly? I guess you’re nervous. Come
back to the fire. Here, sit down where you were,
and let’s talk.”
The cat, roused by a commotion which
was insulting to her egotism, jumped down from the
cushion, stretched into a fine curve, and made a silhouette
of herself in a corner of the hearth. Amelia,
a little ashamed, and not very well understanding
what it was all about, came back, with shaking limbs,
and dropped upon the settle, striving now to remember
the conventionalities of saner living. Laurie
was a kind man. At this moment, he thought only
of reassuring her. He drew forward the chair
left vacant by the cat, and beat up the cushion.
“There,” said he, “I’ll take
this, and we’ll talk.”
Amelia recovered herself with a spring.
She came up straight and tall, a concluded resolution
in every muscle. She laid a hand upon his arm.
“Don’t you sit there!” said she.
“Don’t you!”
“Why, Amelia!” he ejaculated, in a vain
perplexity. “Why, Milly!”
She moved the chair back out of his grasp, and turned
to him again.
“I understand it now,”
she went on rapidly. “I know just what I
feel and think, and I thank my God it ain’t
too late. Don’t you see I can’t bear
to have your clothes hang where his belong? Don’t
you see ’t would kill me to have you sit in
his chair? When I find puss there, it’s
a comfort. If ’t was you - I don’t
know but I might do you a mischief!” Her voice
sank, in awe of herself and her own capacity for passionate
emotion.
Laurie Morse had much swift understanding
of the human heart. His own nature partook of
the feminine, and he shared its intuitions and its
fears.
“I never should lay that up
against you, Milly,” he said kindly. “But
we wouldn’t have these things. You’d
come to Saltash with me, and we’d furnish all
new.”
“Not have these things!”
called Amelia, with a ringing note of dismay, - “not
have these things he set by as he did his life!
Why, what do you think I’m made of, after fifteen
years? What did I think I was made of,
even to guess I could? You don’t know what
women are like, Laurie Morse, - you don’t
know!”
She broke down in piteous weeping.
Even then it seemed to her that it would be good to
find herself comforted with warm human sympathy; but
not a thought of its possibility remained in her mind.
She saw the boundaries beyond which she must not pass.
Though the desert were arid on this side, it was her
desert, and there in her tent must she abide.
She began speaking again between sobbing breaths: -
“I did have a dull life.
I used up all my young days doin’ the same things
over and over, when I wanted somethin’ different.
It was dull; but if I could have it all over
again, I’d work my fingers to the bone.
I don’t know how it would have been if you and
I’d come together then, and had it all as we
planned; but now I’m a different woman.
I can’t any more go back than you could turn
Sudleigh River, and coax it to run up-hill. I
don’t know whether ’t was meant my life
should make me a different woman; but I am
different, and such as I am, I’m his woman.
Yes, till I die, till I’m laid in the ground
’longside of him!” Her voice had an assured
ring of triumph, as if she were taking again an indissoluble
marriage oath.
Laurie had grown very pale. There
were forlorn hollows under his eyes; now he looked
twice his age.
“I didn’t suppose you
kept a place for me,” he said, with an unconscious
dignity. “That wouldn’t have been
right, and him alive. And I didn’t wait
for dead men’s shoes. But somehow I thought
there was something between you and me that couldn’t
be outlived.”
Amelia looked at him with a frank
sweetness which transfigured her face into spiritual
beauty.
“I thought so, too,” she
answered, with that simplicity ever attending our
approximation to the truth. “I never once
said it to myself; but all this year, ’way down
in my heart, I knew you’d come back. And
I wanted you to come. I guess I’d got it
all planned out how we’d make up for what we’d
lost, and build up a new life. But so far as I
go, I guess I didn’t lose by what I’ve
lived through. I guess I gained somethin’
I’d sooner give up my life than even lose the
memory of.”
So absorbed was she in her own spiritual
inheritance that she quite forgot his pain. She
gazed past him with an unseeing look; and striving
to meet and recall it, he faced the vision of their
divided lives. To-morrow Amelia would remember
his loss and mourn over it with maternal pangs; to-night
she was oblivious of all but her own. Great human
experiences are costly things; they demand sacrifice,
not only of ourselves, but of those who are near us.
The room was intolerable to Laurie. He took his
hat and coat, and hurried out. Amelia heard the
dragging door closed behind him. She realized,
with the numbness born of supreme emotion, that he
was putting on his coat outside in the cold; and she
did not mind. The bells stirred, and went clanging
away. Then she drew a long breath, and bowed
her head on her hands in an acquiescence that was
like prayer.
It seemed a long time to Amelia before
she awoke again to temporal things. She rose,
smiling, to her feet, and looked about her as if her
eyes caressed every corner of the homely room.
She picked up puss in a round, comfortable ball, and
carried her back to the hearthside chair; there she
stroked her until her touchy ladyship had settled down
again to purring content. Then Amelia, still
smiling, and with an absent look, as if her mind wandered
through lovely possibilities of a sort which can never
be undone, drew forth the spinning-wheel, and fitted
a roll to the spindle. She began stepping back
and forth as if she moved to the measure of an unheard
song, and the pleasant hum of her spinning broke delicately
upon the ear. It seemed to waken all the room
into new vibrations of life. The clock ticked
with an assured peace, as if knowing it marked eternal
hours. The flames waved softly upward without
their former crackle and sheen; and the moving shadows
were gentle and rhythmic ones come to keep the soul
company. Amelia felt her thread lovingly.
“I guess I’ll dye it blue,”
she said, with a tenderness great enough to compass
inanimate things. “He always set by blue,
didn’t he, puss?”