About twelve o’clock the same
night, Lord Kilcullen and Mat Tierney were playing
billiards, and were just finishing their last game:
the bed-candles were lighted ready for them, and Tierney
was on the point of making the final hazard.
“So you’re determined
to go to-morrow, Mat?” said Kilcullen.
“Oh, yes, I’ll go to-morrow:
your mother’ll take me for a second Paddy Rea,
else,” said Mat.
“Who the deuce was Paddy Rea?”
“Didn’t you ever hear
of Paddy Rea? Michael French of Glare Abbey he’s
dead now, but he was alive enough at the time I’m
telling you of, and kept the best house in county
Clare well, he was coming down on the Limerick
coach, and met a deuced pleasant, good-looking, talkative
sort of a fellow a-top of it. They dined and got
a tumbler of punch together at Roscrea; and when French
got down at Bird Hill, he told his acquaintance that
if he ever found himself anywhere near Ennis, he’d
be glad to see him at Glare Abbey. He was a hospitable
sort of a fellow, and had got into a kind of way of
saying the same thing to everybody, without meaning
anything except to be civil just as I’d
wish a man good morning. Well, French thought
no more about the man, whose name he didn’t
even know; but about a fortnight afterwards, a hack
car from Ennis made its appearance at Glare Abbey,
and the talkative traveller, and a small portmanteau,
had soon found their way into the hail. French
was a good deal annoyed, for he had some fashionables
in the house, but he couldn’t turn the man out;
so he asked his name, and introduced Paddy Rea to
the company. How long do you think he stayed
at Glare Abbey?”
“Heaven only knows! Three months.”
“Seventeen years!” said
Mat. “They did everything to turn him out,
and couldn’t do it. It killed old French;
and at last his son pulled the house down, and Paddy
Rea went then, because there wasn’t a roof to
cover him. Now I don’t want to drive your
father to pull down this house, so I’ll go to-morrow.”
“The place is so ugly, that
if you could make him do so, it would be an advantage;
but I’m afraid the plan wouldn’t succeed,
so I won’t press you. But if you go, I
shan’t remain long. If it was to save my
life and theirs, I can’t get up small talk for
the rector and his curate.”
“Well, good night,” said
Mat; and the two turned off towards their bed-rooms.
As they passed from the billiard-room
through the hall, Lord Cashel shuffled out of his
room, in his slippers and dressing-gown.
“Kilcullen,” said he,
with a great deal of unconcerned good humour affected
in his tone, “just give me one moment I’ve
a word to say to you. Goodnight, Mr Tierney,
goodnight; I’m sorry to hear we’re to lose
you to-morrow.”
Lord Kilcullen shrugged his shoulders,
winked at his friend and then turned round and followed
his father.
“It’s only one word, Kilcullen,”
said the father, who was afraid of angering or irritating
his son, now that he thought he was in so fair a way
to obtain the heiress and her fortune. “I’ll
not detain you half a minute;” and then he said
in a whisper, “take my advice, Kilcullen, and
strike when the iron’s hot.”
“I don’t quite understand
you, my lord,” said his son, affecting ignorance
of his father’s meaning.
“I mean, you can’t stand
better than you do with Fanny: you’ve certainly
played your cards admirably, and she’s a charming
girl, a very charming girl, and I long to know that
she’s your own. Take my advice and ask
her at once.”
“My lord,” said the dutiful
son, “if I’m to carry on this affair, I
must be allowed to do it in my own way. You, I
dare say, have more experience than I can boast, and
if you choose to make the proposal yourself to Miss
Wyndham on my behalf, I shall be delighted to leave
the matter in your hands; but in that case, I shall
choose to be absent from Grey Abbey. If you wish
me to do it, you must let me do it when I please and
how I please.”
“Oh, certainly, certainly, Kilcullen,”
said the earl; “I only want to point out that
I think you’ll gain nothing by delay.”
“Very well, my lord. Good
night.” And Lord Kilcullen went to bed,
and the father shuffled back to his study. He
had had three different letters that day from Lord
Kilcullen’s creditors, all threatening immediate
arrest unless he would make himself responsible for
his son’s debts. No wonder that he was
in a hurry, poor man!
And Lord Kilcullen, though he had
spoken so coolly on the subject, and had snubbed his
father, was equally in a hurry. He also received
letters, and threats, and warnings, and understood,
even better than his father did, the perils which
awaited him. He knew that he couldn’t remain
at Grey Abbey another week; that in a day or two it
wouldn’t be safe for him to leave the house;
and that his only chance was at once to obtain the
promise of his cousin’s hand, and then betake
himself to some place of security, till he could make
her fortune available.
When Fanny came into the breakfast-room
next morning, he asked her to walk with him in the
demesne after breakfast. During the whole of
the previous evening she had sat silent and alone,
pretending to read, although he had made two or three
efforts to engage her in conversation. She could
not, however, refuse to walk with him, nor could she
quite forgive herself for wishing to do so. She
felt that her sudden attachment for him was damped
by what had passed between her and Lady Selina; but
she knew, at the same time, that she was very unreasonable
for quarrelling with one cousin for what another had
said. She accepted his invitation, and shortly
after breakfast went upstairs to get ready. It
was a fine, bright, April morning, though the air was
cold, and the ground somewhat damp; so she put on her
boa and strong boots, and sallied forth with Lord
Kilcullen; not exactly in a good humour, but still
feeling that she could not justly be out of humour
with him. At the same moment, Lady Selina knocked
at her father’s door, with the intention of
explaining to him how impossible it was that Fanny
should be persuaded to marry her brother. Poor
Lord Cashel! his life, at that time, was certainly
not a happy one.
The two cousins walked some way, nearly
in silence. Fanny felt very little inclined to
talk, and even Kilcullen, with all his knowledge of
womankind with all his assurance, had some
difficulty in commencing what he had to get said and
done that morning.
“So Grey Abbey will once more
sink into its accustomed dullness,” said he.
“Cokely went yesterday, and Tierney and the Ellisons
go to-day. Don’t you dread it, Fanny?”
“Oh, I’m used to it:
besides, I’m one of the component elements of
the dullness, you know. I’m a portion of
the thing itself: it’s you that must feel
it.”
“I feel it? I suppose I
shall. But, as I told you before, the physic to
me was not nearly so nauseous as the sugar. I’m
at any rate glad to get rid of such sweetmeats as
the bishop and Mrs Ellison;” and they were both
silent again for a while.
“But you’re not a portion
of the heaviness of Grey Abbey, Fanny,” said
he, referring to what she had said. “You’re
not an element of its dullness. I don’t
say this in flattery I trust nothing so
vile as flattery will ever take place between us;
but you know yourself that your nature is intended
for other things; that you were not born to pass your
life in such a house as this, without society, without
excitement, without something to fill your mind.
Fanny, you can’t be happy here, at Grey Abbey.”
Happy! thought Fanny to herself.
No, indeed, I’m not happy! She didn’t
say so, however; and Kilcullen, after a little while,
went on speaking.
“I’m sure you can’t
be comfortable here. You don’t feel it,
I dare say, so intolerable as I do; but still you
have been out enough, enough in the world, to feel
strongly the everlasting do-nothingness of this horrid
place. I wonder what possesses my father, that
he does not go to London for your sake
if for no one else’s. It’s not just
of him to coop you up here.”
“Indeed it is, Adolphus,”
said she. “You mistake my character.
I’m not at all anxious for London parties and
gaiety. Stupid as you may think me, I’m
quite as well contented to stay here as I should be
to go to London.”
“Do you mean me to believe,”
said Kilcullen, with a gentle laugh, “that you
are contented to live and die in single blessedness
at Grey Abbey? that your ambition does
not soar higher than the interchange of worsted-work
patterns with Miss O’Joscelyn?”
“I did not say so, Adolphus.”
“What is your ambition then?
what kind and style of life would you choose to live?
Come, Fanny, I wish I could get you to talk with me
about yourself. I wish I could teach you to believe
how anxious I am that your future life should be happy
and contented, and at the same time splendid and noble,
as it should be. I’m sure you must have
ambition. I have studied Lavater well enough
to know that such a head and face as yours never belonged
to a mind that could satisfy itself with worsted-work.”
“You are very severe on the poor worsted-work.”
“But am I not in the right?”
“Decidedly not. Lavater, and my head and
face, have misled you.”
“Nonsense, Fanny. Do you
mean to tell me that you have no aspiration for a
kind of life different from this you are leading? If
so, I am much disappointed in you; much, very much
astray in my judgment of your character.”
Then he walked on a few yards, looking on the ground,
and said, “Come, Fanny, I am talking very earnestly
to you, and you answer me only in joke. You don’t
think me impertinent, do you, to talk about yourself?”
“Impertinent, Adolphus of course
I don’t.”
“Why won’t you talk to
me then, in the spirit in which I am talking to you?
If you knew, Fanny, how interested I am about you,
how anxious that you should be happy, how confidently
I look forward to the distinguished position I expect
you to fill if you could guess how proud
I mean to be of you, when you are the cynosure of all
eyes the admired of all admirers admired
not more for your beauty than your talent if
I could make you believe, Fanny, how much I expect
from you, and how fully I trust that my expectations
will be realised, you would not, at any rate, answer
me lightly.”
“Adolphus,” said Fanny,
“I thought there was to be no flattering between
us?”
“And do you think I would flatter
you? Do you think I would stoop to flatter you?
Oh! Fanny, you don’t understand me yet;
you don’t at all understand, how thoroughly
from the heart I’m speaking how much
in earnest I am; and, so far from flattering you,
I am quite as anxious to find fault with you as I
am to praise you, could I feel that I had liberty
to do so.”
“Pray do,” said Fanny:
“anything but flattery; for a friend never flatters.”
But Kilcullen had intended to flatter
his fair cousin, and he had been successful.
She was gratified and pleased by his warmth of affection.
“Pray do,” repeated Fanny; “I have
more faults than virtues to be told of, and so I’m
afraid you’ll find out, when you know me better.”
“To begin, then,” said
Kilcullen, “are you not wrong but
no, Fanny, I will not torment you now with a catalogue
of faults. I did not ask you to come out with
me for that object. You are now in grief for the
death of poor Harry” Fanny blushed
as she reflected how much more poignant a sorrow weighed
upon her heart “and are therefore
unable to exert yourself; but, as soon as you are
able when you have recovered from this
severe blow, I trust you will not be content to loiter
and dawdle away your existence at Grey Abbey.”
“Not the whole of it,” said Fanny.
“None of it,” replied
her cousin. “Every month, every day, should
have its purpose. My father has got into a dull,
heartless, apathetic mode of life, which suits my
mother and Selina, but which will never suit you.
Grey Abbey is like the Dead Sea, of which the waters
are always bitter as well as stagnant. It makes
me miserable, dearest Fanny, to see you stifled in
such a pool. Your beauty, talents, and energies your
disposition to enjoy life, and power of making it
enjoyable for others, are all thrown away. Oh,
Fanny, if I could rescue you from this!”
“You are inventing imaginary
evils,” said she; “at any rate they are
not palpable to my eyes.”
“That’s it; that’s
just what I fear,” said the other, “that
time, habit, and endurance may teach you to think
that nothing further is to be looked for in this world
than vegetation at Grey Abbey, or some other place
of the kind, to which you may be transplanted.
I want to wake you from such a torpor; to save you
from such ignominy. I wish to restore you to
the world.”
“There’s time enough,
Adolphus; you’ll see me yet the gayest of the
gay at Almack’s.”
“Ah! but to please me, Fanny,
it must be as one of the leaders, not one of the led.”
“Oh, that’ll be in years
to come: in twenty years’ time; when I come
forth glorious in a jewelled turban, and yards upon
yards of yellow satin fat, fair, and forty.
I’ve certainly no ambition to be one of the
leaders yet.”
Lord Kilcullen walked on silent for
a considerable time, during which Fanny went on talking
about London, Almack’s, and the miserable life
of lady patronesses, till at last she also became silent,
and began thinking of Lord Ballindine. She had,
some little time since, fully made up her mind to
open her heart to Lord Kilcullen about him, and she
had as fully determined not to do so after what Selina
had said upon the subject; but now she again wavered.
His manner was so kind and affectionate, his interest
in her future happiness appeared to be so true and
unaffected: at any rate he would not speak harshly
or cruelly to her, if she convinced him how completely
her happiness depended on her being reconciled to
Lord Ballindine. She had all but brought herself
to the point; she had almost determined to tell him
everything, when he stopped rather abruptly, and said,
“I also am leaving Grey Abbey again, Fanny.”
“Leaving Grey Abbey?”
said Fanny. “You told me the other day you
were going to live here,”
“So I intended; so I do intend;
but still I must leave it for a while. I’m
going about business, and I don’t know how long
I may be away. I go on Saturday.”
“I hope, Adolphus, you haven’t
quarrelled with your father,” said she.
“Oh, no,” said he:
“it is on his advice that I am going. I
believe there is no fear of our quarrelling now.
I should rather say I trust there is none. He
not only approves of my going, but approves of what
I am about to do before I go.”
“And what is that?”
“I had not intended, Fanny,
to say what I have to say to you for some time, for
I feel that different circumstances make it premature.
But I cannot bring myself to leave you without doing
so;” and again he paused and walked on a little
way in silence “and yet,” he
continued, “I hardly know how to utter what
I wish to say; or rather what I would wish to have
said, were it not that I dread so much the answer you
may make me. Stop, Fanny, stop a moment; the
seat is quite dry; sit down one moment.”
Fanny sat down in a little alcove
which they had reached, considerably embarrassed and
surprised. She had not, however, the most remote
idea of what he was about to say to her. Had
any other man in the world, almost, spoken to her
in the same language, she would have expected an offer;
but from the way in which she had always regarded her
cousin, both heretofore, when she hardly knew him,
and now, when she was on such affectionate terms with
him, she would as soon have thought of receiving an
offer from Lord Cashel as from his son.
“Fanny,” he said, “I
told you before that I have my father’s warmest
and most entire approval for what I am now going to
do. Should I be successful in what I ask, he
will be delighted; but I have no words to tell you
what my own feelings will be. Fanny, dearest Fanny,”
and he sat down close beside her “I
love you better ah! how much better, than
all the world holds beside. Dearest, dearest Fanny,
will you, can you, return my love?”
“Adolphus,” said Fanny,
rising suddenly from her seat, more for the sake of
turning round so as to look at him, than with the object
of getting from him, “Adolphus, you are joking
with me.”
“No, by heavens then,”
said he, following her, and catching her hand; “no
man in Ireland is this moment more in earnest:
no man more anxiously, painfully in earnest.
Oh, Fanny! why should you suppose that I am not so?
How can you think I would joke on such a subject?
No: hear me,” he said, interrupting her,
as she prepared to answer him, “hear me out,
and then you will know how truly I am in earnest.”
“No, not a word further!”
almost shrieked Fanny “Not a word
more, Adolphus not a syllable; at any rate
till you have heard me. Oh, you have made me
so miserable!” and Fanny burst into tears.
“I have spoken too suddenly
to you, Fanny; I should have given you more time I
should have waited till ”
“No, no, no,” said Fanny,
“it is not that but yes; what you
say is true: had you waited but one hour but
ten minutes I should have told you that
which would for ever have prevented all this.
I should have told you, Adolphus, how dearly, how
unutterably I love another.” And Fanny
again sat down, hid her face in her handkerchief against
the corner of the summer-house, and sobbed and cried
as though she were broken-hearted: during which
time Kilcullen stood by, rather perplexed as to what
he was to say next, and beginning to be very doubtful
as to his ultimate success.
“Dear Fanny!” he said,
“for both our sakes, pray try to be collected:
all my future happiness is at this moment at stake.
I did not bring you here to listen to what I have
told you, without having become too painfully sure
that your hand, your heart, your love, are necessary
to my happiness. All my hopes are now at stake;
but I would not, if I could, secure my own happiness
at the expense of yours. Pray believe me, Fanny,
when I say that I love you completely, unalterably,
devotedly: it is necessary now for my own sake
that I should say as much as that. Having told
you so much of my own heart, let me hear what you
wish to tell me of yours. Oh, that I might have
the most distant gleam of hope, that it would ever
return the love which fills my own!”
“It cannot, Adolphus it
never can,” said she, still trying to hide her
tears. “Oh, why should this bitter misery
have been added!” She then rose quickly from
her seat, wiped her eyes, and, pushing back her hair,
continued, “I will no longer continue to live
such a life as I have done miserable to
myself, and the cause of misery to others. Adolphus, I
love Lord Ballindine. I love him with, I believe,
as true and devoted a love as woman ever felt for
a man. I valued, appreciated, gloried in your
friendship; but I can never return your, love.
My heart is wholly, utterly, given away; and I would
not for worlds receive it back, till I learn from
his own mouth that he has ceased to love me.”
“Oh, Fanny! my poor Fanny!”
said Kilcullen; “if such is the case, you are
really to be pitied. If this be true, your condition
is nearly as unhappy as my own.”
“I am unhappy, very unhappy
in your love,” said Fanny, drawing herself up
proudly; “but not unhappy in my own. My
misery is that I should be the cause of trouble and
unhappiness to others. I have nothing to regret
in my own choice.”
“You are harsh, Fanny.
It may be well that you should be decided, but it
cannot become you also to be unfeeling. I have
offered to you all that a man can offer; my name,
my fortune, my life, my heart; though you may refuse
me, you have no right to be offended with me.”
“Oh, Adolphus!” said she,
now in her turn offering him her hand: “pray
forgive me: pray do not be angry. Heaven
knows I feel no offence: and how strongly, how
sincerely, I feel the compliment you have offered me.
But I want you to see how vain it would be in me to
leave you leave you in any doubt.
I only spoke as I did to show you I could not think
twice, when my heart was given to one whom I so entirely
love, respect and and approve.”
Lord Kilcullen’s face became
thoughtful, and his brow grew black: he stood
for some time irresolute what to say or do.
“Let us walk on, Fanny, for
this is cold and damp,” he said, at last.
“Let us go back to the house, then.”
“As you like, Fanny. Oh,
how painful all this is! how doubly painful to know
that ray own love is hopeless, and that yours is no
less so. Did you not refuse Lord Ballindine?”
“If I did, is it not sufficient
that I tell you I love him? If he were gone past
all redemption, you would not have me encourage you
while I love another?”
“I never dreamed of this!
What, Fanny, what are your hopes? what is it you wish
or intend? Supposing me, as I wish I were, fathoms
deep below the earth, what would you do? You
cannot marry Lord Ballindine.”
“Then I will marry no one,”
said Fanny, striving hard to suppress her tears, and
barely succeeding.
“Good heavens!” exclaimed
Kilcullen; “what an infatuation is this!” and
then again he walked on silent a little way. “Have
you told any one of this, Fanny? do they
know of it at Grey Abbey? Come, Fanny, speak
to me: forget, if you will, that I would be your
lover: remember me only as your cousin and your
friend, and speak to me openly. Do they know
that you have repented of the refusal you gave Lord
Ballindine?”
“They all know that I love him:
your father, your mother, and Selina.”
“You don’t say my father?”
“Yes,” said Fanny, stopping
on the path, and speaking with energy, as she confronted
her cousin. “Yes, Lord Cashel. He,
above all others, knows it. I have told him so
almost on my knees. I have implored him, as a
child may implore her father, to bring back to me the
only man I ever loved. I have besought him not
to sacrifice me. Oh! how I have implored him
to spare me the dreadful punishment of my own folly wretchedness
rather in rejecting the man I loved.
But he has not listened to me; he will never listen
to me, and I will never ask again. He shall find
that I am not a tree or a stone, to be planted or
placed as he chooses. I will not again be subjected
to what I have to-day suffered. I will not I
will not ” But Fanny was out of breath;
and could not complete the catalogue of what she would
not do.
“And did you intend to tell
me all this, had I not spoken to you as I have done?”
said Kilcullen.
“I did,” said she.
“I was on the point of telling you everything:
twice I had intended to do so. I intended to
implore you, as you loved me as your cousin, to use
your exertions to reconcile my uncle and Lord Ballindine and
now instead of that ”
“You find I love you too well myself?”
“Oh, forget, Adolphus, forget
that the words ever passed your lips. You have
not loved me long, and therefore will not continue
to love me, when you know I never can be yours:
forget your short-lived love; won’t you, Adolphus?” and
she put her clasped hands upon his breast “forget, let
us both forget that the words were ever spoken.
Be still my cousin, my friend, my brother; and we shall
still both be happy.”
Different feelings were disturbing
Lord Kilcullen’s breast different
from each other, and some of them very different from
those which usually found a place there. He had
sought Fanny’s hand not only with most sordid,
but also with most dishonest views: he not only
intended to marry her for her fortune, but also to
rob her of her money; to defraud her, that he might
enable himself once more to enter the world of pleasure,
with the slight encumbrance of a wretched wife.
But, in carrying out his plan, he had disturbed it
by his own weakness: he had absolutely allowed
himself to fall in love with his cousin; and when,
as he had just done, he offered her his hand, he was
quite as anxious that she should accept him for her
own sake as for that of her money. He had taught
himself to believe that she would accept him, and many
misgivings had haunted him as to the ruined state to
which he should bring her as his wife. But these
feelings, though strong enough to disturb him, were
not strong enough to make him pause: he tried
to persuade himself that he could yet make her happy,
and hurried on to the consummation of his hopes.
He now felt strongly tempted to act a generous part;
to give her up, and to bring Lord Ballindine back to
her feet; to deserve at any rate well of her, and
leave all other things to chance. But Lord Kilcullen
was not accustomed to make such sacrifices: he
had never learned to disregard himself; and again and
again he turned it over in his mind “how
could he get her fortune? was there any
way left in which he might be successful?”
“This is child’s play,
Fanny,” he said. “You may reject me:
to that I have nothing further to say, for I am but
an indifferent wooer; but you can never marry Lord
Ballindine.”
“Oh, Adolphus, for mercy’s sake don’t
say so!”
“But I do say so, Fanny.
God knows, not to wound you, or for any unworthy purpose,
but because it is so. He was your lover, and you
sent him away; you cannot whistle him back as you
would a dog.”
Fanny made no answer to this, but
walked on towards the house, anxious to find herself
alone in her own room, that she might compose her mind
and think over all that she had heard and said; nor
did Lord Kilcullen renew the conversation till he
got to the house. He could not determine what
to do. Under other circumstances it might, he
felt, have been wise for him to wait till time had
weakened Fanny’s regret for her lost lover;
but in his case this was impracticable; if he waited
anywhere it would be in the Queen’s Bench.
And yet, he could not but feel that, at present, it
was hopeless for him to push his suit.
They reached the steps together, and
as he opened the front door, Fanny turned round to
wish him good morning, as she was hurrying in; but
he stopped her, and said,
“One word more, Fanny, before
we part. You must not refuse me; nor must we
part in this way. Step in here; I will not keep
you a minute;” and he took her into a room off
the hall “do not let us be children,
Fanny; do not let us deceive each other, or ourselves:
do not let us persist in being irrational if we ourselves
see that we are so;” and he paused for a reply.
“Well, Adolphus?” was all she said.
“If I could avoid it,”
continued he, “I would not hurt your feelings;
but you must see, you must know, that you cannot marry
Lord Ballindine.” Fanny, who was
now sitting, bit her lips and clenched her hands,
but she said nothing; “If this is so if
you feel that so far your fate is fixed, are you mad
enough to give yourself up to a vain and wicked passion for
wicked it will be? Will you not rather strive
to forget him who has forgotten you?”
“That is not true,” interposed Fanny.
“His conduct, unfortunately,
proves that it is too true,” continued Kilcullen.
“He has forgotten you, and you cannot blame him
that he should do so, now that you have rejected him;
but he neglected you even before you did so.
Is it wise, is it decorous, is it maidenly in you,
to indulge any longer in so vain a passion? Think
of this, Fanny. As to myself, Heaven knows with
what perfect truth, with what true love, I offered
you, this morning, all that a man can offer: how
ardently I hoped for an answer different from that
you have now given me. You cannot give me your
heart now; love cannot, at a moment, be transferred.
But think, Fanny, think whether it is not better for
you to accept an offer which your friends will all
approve, and which I trust will never make you unhappy,
than to give yourself up to a lasting regret, to
tears, misery, and grief.”
“And would you take my hand without my heart?”
said she.
“Not for worlds,” replied
the other, “were I not certain that your heart
would follow your hand. Whoever may be your husband,
you will love him. But ask my mother, talk to
her, ask her advice; she at any rate will only tell
you that which must be best for your own happiness.
Go to her, Fanny; if her advice be different from mine,
I will not say a word farther to urge my suit.”
“I will go to no one,”
said Fanny, rising. “I have gone to too
many with a piteous story on my lips. I have
no friend, now, in this house. I had still hoped
to find one in you, but that hope is over. I am,
of course, proud of the honour your declaration has
conveyed; but I should be wicked indeed if I did not
make you perfectly understand that it is one which
I cannot accept. Whatever may be your views, your
ideas, I will never marry unless I thoroughly love,
and feel that I am thoroughly loved by my future husband.
Had you not made this ill-timed declaration had
you not even persisted in repeating it after I had
opened my whole heart to you, I could have loved and
cherished you as a brother; under no circumstances
could I ever have accepted you as a husband.
Good morning.” And she left him alone, feeling
that he could have but little chance of success, should
he again renew the attempt.
He did not see her again till dinner-time,
when she appeared silent and reserved, but still collected
and at her ease; nor did he speak to her at dinner
or during the evening, till the moment the ladies were
retiring for the night. He then came up to her
as she was standing alone turning over some things
on a side-table, and said, “Fanny, I probably
leave Grey Abbey to-morrow. I will say good bye
to you tonight.”
“Good bye, Adolphus; may we
both be happier when next we meet,” said she.
“My happiness, I fear, is doubtful:
but I will not speak of that now. If I can do
anything for yours before I go, I will. Fanny,
I will ask my father to invite Lord Ballindine here.
He has been anxious that we should be married:
when I tell him that that is impossible, he may perhaps
be induced to do so.”
“Do that,” said Fanny,
“and you will be a friend to me. Do that,
and you will be more than a brother to me.”
“I will; and in doing so I shall
crush every hope that I have had left in me.”
“Do not say so, Adolphus: do not ”
“You’ll understand what
I mean in a short time. I cannot explain everything
to you now. But this will I do; I will make Lord
Cashel understand that we never can be more to each
other than we are now, and I will advise him to seek
a reconciliation with Lord Ballindine. And now,
good bye,” and he held out his hand.
“But I shall see you to-morrow.”
“Probably not; and if you do,
it will be but for a moment, when I shall have other
adieux to make.”
“Good bye, then, Adolphus; and
may God bless you; and may we yet live to have many
happy days together,” and she shook hands with
him, and went to her room.