I
He was in the act of shutting off
his engine when he heard himself accosted. “I
beg your pardon, but are you, Mr. Gervis?”
It was a pleasant voice a
man’s. Keeping his eyes on what he was doing,
Tabs answered in the negative. Then he recalled
that Gervis had been the name of Maisie’s second
husband. “If it’s the Gervis who used
to live here,” he indicated the house with a
jerk of his head, “I’m afraid you won’t
find him. He’s been dead these three years killed
at the Front.”
A quiet chuckle greeted this piece
of information, followed by a hearty, “Thank
the Lord.”
Tabs had finished what he was doing.
As he stepped out of the car, he threw a contemptuous
glance at the man who could be so callous. He
was a slightly built, fresh-complexioned young fellow
of middle height, with amiable gray eyes and a fair,
closely-trimmed mustache. He belonged to the
demobilized subaltern type and had the weary, drawn
expression of over-strained nerves that so many young
faces had at that time. He was dressed in a smartly
fitting suit of striped navy-blue flannel and carried
himself with the plucky alertness of a highly bred
fox-terrier. He had a clean and gallant bearing
which it was difficult to reconcile with the ungenerosity
of his last remark. In a neat, unforceful way
he would have been handsome, had it not been for a
badly healed scar which ran straight across his forehead,
only just escaping his eyes.
Before Tabs could say anything, he
was apologizing. “That sounded rotten.
I’m sorry. But you see, I didn’t know
the chap. It’s his wife that I’m
trying to find. She was married to a man named
Pollock when I knew her. I was rather a pal of
Pollock’s, belonged to the same squadron and
was shot down at the same time. I’ve been
a prisoner in Germany. Just got back, in fact.
As you’ll understand, I’m rather out of
touch. I thought you’d be able to tell
me whether she still lived here.”
It was very damping to his ardor at
this particular moment to have Maisie’s matrimonial
past raked up. Within the next half hour he would
very possibly be asking her to be his wife. He
wasn’t sure that he was going to; but meeting
this friend of her first husband on her doorstep didn’t
help him to make up his mind. He was no longer
unsympathetic to the young fellow, but he was quite
determined that he must be sent about his business.
“As a matter of fact,”
he said, “the lady you’re in search of
does live here. But she’s not Mrs. Gervis
any longer. She’s married again. She’s
Mrs. Lockwood now.”
A glint of enmity came into the stranger’s
eyes. “Then you’re Mr. Lockwood,
perhaps?”
Tabs answered him with a note of irritation.
“I’m not Mr. Lockwood. She’s
a widow. Lockwood also was killed. But I
really don’t see why you should stop me on the
pavement to ask so many questions. You can find
out everything by ringing the bell.”
“That’s right.”
The young fellow stroked his mustache. “But
I didn’t want to do that until I had made certain.
Surely you can see how embarrassing
And now this third chap’s gone West, you say.
Poor little Maisie, she hasn’t had much luck.”
It was difficult to be brusque with
a man of his own class, especially with a man so genuinely
likeable. But he had to get rid of him. After
having nerved himself up to the point of being at least
prepared to propose to Maisie, he couldn’t contemplate
an evening of sharing her with a stranger and listening
to the merits of her first husband.
“So you’re an old friend!
Well, I’m afraid she won’t be free this
evening. I have an appointment with her.
But, if you like, I’ll mention that I met you
and I’ll let her know that you’ll call when
shall we say to-morrow? Perhaps you’d
care to give me your name ”
The young man smiled good-naturedly.
“I couldn’t think of troubling you to
that extent.”
“In that case, I’ll have
to ask you to excuse me. All kinds of luck to
you on your return. It must be rather jolly not
to be a prisoner. Good evening.”
Tabs crossed the pavement and rang
the bell. In order that he might afford no opportunity
for further conversation, he stood with his face towards
the door while he waited for it to be opened.
He was very conscious that the stranger had not departed,
but was hovering immediately in rear of him.
It was Porter who answered his summons.
“I’m sorry, your Lordship, Mrs. Lockwood
is out No, she didn’t leave
any word. She’s bound to be back shortly
Why, certainly, if your Lordship has the time.”
While she was closing the front door,
he walked across the hall and let himself into the
drawing-room. He went directly over to the empty
fireplace and gazed up at Lady Dawn’s portrait.
It always seemed to challenge him seemed
to be trying to say something to him. It was
almost as though it were his conscience hanging there
on the wall. He had an idea that it reproached
him for his silence with regard to Lord Dawn.
He felt that, were he to do what his instinctive sense
of justice had first urged go to Lady Dawn
and tell her that her husband had cared for her the
painted face would be no longer turned away and the
stone-gray eyes no longer averted.
He was haunted by the obsession that
he would never have any luck till he had vindicated
the dead man’s memory.
It was Maisie who had prevented him
up to now Maisie with her laughter, her
breezy arguments, her short views of life, her contempt
for sentiment, her sledge-hammer motto, with which
she shattered the past, “I never dig up my dead.”
She had made him hesitant about reopening the subject.
Her sister was the most beautiful woman in England.
A man never knows to what boundaries a woman’s
jealousy spreads. He feared lest, if he persisted,
she might impute to him less lofty motives than the
desire to play fair by a comrade-in-arms who had gone
West.
Something stirred behind him.
He swung about and found himself staring into the
face of the stranger who had accosted him on the pavement.
“Sargent painted it ten years
ago,” the stranger said. “She’s
not as young as that now.”
“How did you get in?” Tabs demanded.
The stranger laughed boyishly.
“Not too loud or you’ll give the show
away. I followed you. The maid raised no
objection. She thought we were together which
was exactly what I intended.”
“But what do you want? What right have
you here?”
“Want! I know what I want. As to my
right, that’s problematic.”
He turned his back on Tabs and commenced
to move about the room, picking things up and examining
them with a purposeful curiosity. He showed no
fear, yet in all his movements there was a calculated
stealth. Tabs watched him in amazement, wondering
what he ought to do. If it came to grappling
with him, unless he carried fire-arms, there was little
doubt as to who would get the better of the contest.
The man might be a lunatic, a blackmailer, a burglar;
by his odd mode of entry, he had laid himself open
to every suspicion. But he looked perfectly normal;
and if he had been a burglar, he surely would have
selected an opportunity when no other man was present.
It was an awkward situation, this being shut up alone
in a husbandless woman’s house with an unknown
intruder. It seemed to be an occasion for tact
rather than the possible fuss of police interference.
At this moment the stranger made a discovery.
He had been examining the five silver
photograph-frames, each in turn, with close attention.
With his back towards Tabs he remarked, “It looks
as though she hadn’t forgotten him. Five
reminders of his homely mug and not a solitary one
of the also-rans! Numbers Two and Three couldn’t
have made such a deep impression.” He caught
his breath in a nervous shudder. “It’s
queer. Everything’s queer when one’s
just come back. One’s so changed that he
could court his own wife without being recognized.
You, too, were out there I should judge by the way
you limp. I wonder whether you’ve got over
the queerness yet. I haven’t had time ”
From in front of the empty fireplace,
Tabs interrupted him. “Look here, my dear
chap, I don’t want to be rude and this isn’t
my house; but what’s your game?”
The stranger turned and smiled.
His frank gray eyes were amused and friendly.
“Upon my word, I haven’t any game.
I’m like yourself just paying a visit.”
Tabs shook his head and gazed at him
fixedly. “It won’t do; you know that.
You’re a gentleman. Gentlemen don’t
get into unprotected women’s houses by your
kind of methods.”
“They don’t. That’s
a fact.” He laughed carelessly. “I
suppose this is what comes of having been a prisoner
in Germany. One prefers to be underhand.”
“Don’t you think it’s
time you stopped fooling?” Tabs spoke in a conversational
tone without temper. “There’s Mrs.
Lockwood to be considered; she may be here at any
moment. It’s no good coming this returned
prisoner trick; all the prisoners in Germany were returned
shortly after the Armistice. Eight months have
elapsed.”
“All right. Have it your own way.”
The stranger ceased to wander and
sat himself down at Maisie’s end of the couch.
Pulling out his cigarette-case, he offered it to Tabs.
“Have a gasper? You don’t
need to refuse because of Maisie. If she’s
the Maisie she used to be, she won’t object.
Well, if you won’t, I will.”
Tabs noticed that his hand trembled
in holding the match. The man was a bundle of
nerves; he was only maintaining this display of coolness
with an effort. Whatever the purpose of his bold
intrusion, it was not social, as he had pretended.
“I don’t like any man
to think me a liar.” The man spoke slowly
between puffs at his cigarette. “You think
it’s all bunkum that I’m fresh out of
Germany, but it isn’t. Do you see that?”
He ran his finger across the gash in his forehead.
“That and the ill-treatment I received in the
prison-camps made me go wuzzy. The only fact about
myself that I could remember in all those years was
Maisie. So it’s natural that I should come
to see her first. I wasn’t sure of my own
identity until a month ago. I suppose I was released
at the Armistice, but for seven out of the past eight
months I must have wandered in rags over Central Europe.
However, all’s well that ends well, and here
I am.”
“But you knew that she’d
remarried,” Tabs objected suspiciously; “you
asked me if I were Gervis.”
“A friend of Pollock’s
told me that,” he explained. “Gervis
was excusable. But this Lockwood fellow’s
the third. It’s a bit thick! She certainly
has been going it.” He looked up suddenly.
“I’ve been doing all the talking.
What about yourself?”
Tabs crossed the room and opened one
of the long French windows which led out into the
rockery. The golden afternoon had faded into early
evening and a refreshing coolness was in the air.
When he came back, he seated himself at the other
end of the couch. “Just to show that there’s
no ill-feeling, I’ll accept one of your gaspers,
if you’ll allow me. There’s
nothing for me to explain. My name is Lord Taborley
and I’m a friend of Mrs. Lockwood. There’s
nothing else.”
The stranger leaned forward.
His humor left him, revealing his premature haggardness.
He laid a hand on Tabs’ arm and asked a question.
“You’re fond of her?”
Tabs eyed him in silence, trying to
divine what was intended. “At any rate,
you are,” he said kindly; “I see it now.”
“Not fond of her, I’m
in love with her.” The man’s face
softened as he made the confession. “I
was in love with her when she was still the wife of
Pollock. I’ve been through deep waters.
I’ve had to wait for her like Jacob did for
Rachel. I’ve lost most things my
memory, my health, my very likeness! but never for
five minutes have I lost my love for her. She
was the only star in my darkness ”
The words fell from him with somber sincerity.
“I don’t know whether you understand ”
But Tabs’ thoughts had turned
inwards. He was living again the englamored poignancy
of the years when Terry had been for him precisely
that the only star in his darkness.
The intensity of the vision was like a cry of warning
rousing his sleeping idealism from its lethargy.
His present errand became a treachery to be swept aside
by his refound strength. He recognized the intruder
with new eyes, not as an enemy, but as a comrade a
comrade marooned on the selfsame island of loneliness
and bound to him by the common experience of a kindred
adversity. He was like Crusoe discovering the
footprint. Here, quite close to him, was a fellow
waif who had drunk deep of his own bitter sense of
desertion. With a thrill of sympathy, his heart
turned to him.
“The only star in the darkness!”
He repeated the stranger’s words. “For
most of us there’s been one woman who was all
of that. If she fails us ”
He stifled his pessimism. “When stars fail,
one waits for the morning.”
“So you, too, had your woman!”
The stranger smiled and relaxed against
the cushions. “Foolish of me! You
can’t blame me. Twice I’ve believed
that I’d lost her. First there was Gervis
and then this Lockwood. Poor devils, I cry quits
on them. But when I found you so at home here,
you can guess what I dreaded. And yet you’ll
never guess why I followed you into this house.”
He lit a cigarette and crossed his legs. “I
didn’t want you to escape me till I’d
asked a question Has it ever entered
your head that Pollock might not be dead?”
Tabs started. Then he sat very
still. It was the commonplace tone in which the
question had been asked that froze his blood.
It was as though this man had said, “I can bring
him back.” For a moment he knew genuine
fear the non-physical fear which the impalpable
can awake in the bravest mind. Through the open
window the companionable mutter of London entered.
The normality of everything on which his eyes rested
did its best to reassure him the mellow
evening sunlight in the friendly room, the flowers
in the rockery, the toy-boat on the pond. “I
never dig up my dead.” He remembered Maisie’s
motto. But what if the dead
He pulled himself together. Pollock
not dead! An absurd suggestion! Maisie had
changed her name twice since then a sufficient
proof! The poor fellow was demented. Everything
that he had done bore the hall-mark of insanity.
He had owned that he had been deranged to within a
month ago. Everything that he had said might
be quite true. He probably had been the dead
man’s friend and in love with Maisie at the time
of her first marriage. The misfortunes that had
befallen him had exaggerated his love into mania a
mania which the news of Gervis and then of Lockwood
had rendered active. He felt an immense compassion
for the man. There, save for the grace of God,
sat himself. But what was to be done? Already
Maisie was overdue. Not a second could be wasted.
He must humor him and get him out of the house, if
a scene was to be prevented.
And all the time the stranger had
been watching him following his thoughts,
no doubt. He spoke again. “Don’t
you agree with me? It would be damned awkward
if Pollock came back.”
Tabs forced a smile. “I’m
not so sure that I do. She never loved any one
but her first husband. She’s told me so.
The other two I don’t believe
she herself knows how they happened. They were
soldiers. They weren’t long for this world.
She didn’t want to do them out of anything.”
He glanced at his watch. “By Jove, and I’ve
not dined yet! I’m afraid I must be off.
How about you? I’d be awfully glad if you’d
take dinner with me.”
The man jumped to his feet, so that
Tabs rose with him. But once they were on their
feet an amused expression of cunning came into his
eyes. It told Tabs plainly that he had seen through
the strategy. He shook his head. “Very
good of you. But I’m waiting for Maisie.”
He held out his hand. It was evident that he
was determined to take Tabs at his word. “We’ll
meet again, perhaps. What you’ve just said
piqués my curiosity. Before you go, there’s
one more question. In your opinion what would
Maisie’s attitude be if Pollock did come back?”
Tabs was instantly aware that he had
made a false move. His bluff had been called.
He’d made it impossible for himself to prolong
his call; at the same time he didn’t dare to
leave this man behind in the house. It wasn’t
Maisie that he was thinking of now he could
warn her as she entered the Court it was
Porter. A madman was capable of anything; and
yet, confound the chap’s deceptiveness, he didn’t
look mad. There was only one chance of delaying
his departure: at all costs he must involve him
in an argument.
“If Pollock came back!
Curious that you should suggest that! I’ve
sat in this room and discussed the possibility with
Mrs. Lockwood by the hour. For the past two months that’s
as long as I’ve known her I’ve
been helping her to live as though he might come back.”
The man’s coolness instantly
vanished. His excitement grew well-nigh beyond
control. “You’re not going. Sit
down. You’ve got to explain.”
He rapped out his sentences in short, quick jerks.
His voice had become harsh and imperative. “You
can’t have any idea what this means to me.
It’s ridiculous. Why should you, a living
man, help her, when she’s so beautiful, to save
herself for a dead man? She didn’t save
herself in the case of Gervis and Lockwood.”
With a sigh of relief Tabs reseated
himself. The man sank down beside him, crowding
against him on the couch. His anxiety was sharp-pointed
as a dagger. “Quick,” he urged.
“I don’t know that I can
be quick.” Tabs spoke leisurely. He
paused, trying to think what he should say next.
“Here it is in a nutshell. Mrs. Lockwood,
as we both know, is a more than ordinarily charming
woman. She’s the kind who, without being
able to prevent herself, draws men. There are
women like that. Her three marriages, all taking
place so close together gave her a reputation
You’re a man of the world; you’ll understand
that I’m not trying to say anything derogatory.
But three matrimonial adventures in such rapid succession
gave her a reputation for lightness. She was
young and pretty. She longed to live life.
You can’t blame her. For a woman life isn’t
a very full affair without a man. And yet there
aren’t many men who would be willing to choose
a wife with three previous husbands to her credit.
It would seem too much like a week-end experiment,
without the option of parting when the week was ended.
So here was the injustice of her social situation;
without having committed a solitary indiscretion, she
was damaged goods debarred from matrimony,
yet coveted by men. Do you realize the temptation ”
The man half rose in his irritation.
“You’re not answering my question.”
The violence in his tone was unmistakeable. “What
I’ve got to find out is, what put you up to
persuading her to live as though Pollock were not
dead?”
“I was coming to that.”
Tabs spoke reassuringly. “Beneath all her
gayety I found, when I began to know her, that she
was desperate desperate to live in the
sunshine and mortally afraid of shadows. At the
least hint of shadows she grew reckless. She
believed that her happiness was in the past.
So I taught her to play a game a game that
has often saved me from despair. It was just
this to act as though all the goodness one
has known still lies ahead; in her case this meant
living as though the man whom she had loved were not
dead, but waiting for her round some future corner.
So that was why But I think I’ve
answered your question.”
Tabs rose from the couch and limped
over to the empty fireplace. He stood there beneath
the portrait of Lady Dawn, supporting himself with
one arm against the mantel. The room was beginning
to fill with dusk. Beyond the threshold of the
open window, the rockery-garden was still vaguely
golden. The little pond was a silver mirror.
Perhaps two minutes had elapsed.
Uncertainly the stranger struggled to his feet.
He moved towards the door, halted and came slowly back.
He looked very spent, and slim, and wasted in the
gathering shadows. As Tabs gazed down at him,
he noticed that his face was prodigiously solemn.
“I don’t mind now.”
He swallowed like a small boy getting rid of his emotion.
“I don’t mind Gervis or Lockwood any longer;
it’s as though they’d never happened.
And I don’t feel hard to her, the way I might
have. I’m glad you told her about things
being round the corner. Because I’m Pollock.
I have come back.”
Tabs stared at him. He was deeply
moved. To humor him in his delusion seemed the
height of callousness. Yet what else was possible
under the circumstances?
“Of course you’re Pollock,”
he assured him gently. “One wouldn’t
recognize you from your portraits, but I ought to have
guessed.”
The man caught the deception in his
tone. He lifted up his puzzled gray eyes.
“You don’t No, I see
you don’t. You don’t believe me.
Yet I am Pollock.”
“My dear chap,” Tabs said
it coaxingly, “I don’t see why you should
think I doubt you. I’m quite certain you’re
Pollock Reggie Pollock, the first of all
the aces: the man who brought down the Zeppelin
over Brussels. You see I know all about you.
Your picture was in the papers. I’ve told
you that you were expected. So why ”
The front door was heard to open and
close. There was the sound of Maisie’s
voice. They stood rigidly listening in the semi-darkness.
Neither of them spoke or stirred. As she entered,
a shaft of light from the hall preceded her.
Quietly Tabs placed himself between her and the stranger.
The stranger made no motion to thwart him; he stood
like one turned to stone. Just across the threshold
she halted, leaning forward slightly and peering through
the shadows.
“Why, Tabs,” she laughed,
“how romantic of you to sit waiting for me in
the twilight!”
Tabs came forward as though he were
about to push her back. “I’m not
alone, Mrs. Lockwood ”
“I know. Porter told me.
But why are you standing in my way?” She laughed
again. A shiver of fear cut short her laughter.
“What’s the matter? I don’t
see your friend. Why don’t you introduce ”
“He’s not my friend. He says he’s
yours.”
“Then all the more reason
Why are you acting strangely? No, please let
me into my own room, Tabs.”
He had put out his arm to prevent
her. Without warning the stranger advanced into
the shaft of light. She saw him and fell back
screaming, covering her eyes. With a vehemence
that was unexpected, he pushed Tabs aside and clasped
her to him. “Maisie darling, don’t
be afraid. I’m real. I know everything.
And I don’t mind ”
At sound of his voice, she uncovered
her eyes. His face was close to hers. The
fixed look of terror left her.
Putting out her hands timidly, she
ran her fingers along the scar in his forehead.
“They’ve hurt you. Poor you!
My Reggie! Oh, my lover, they’ve hurt you!”
She buried her head against his shoulder
and fell to weeping passionately.
II
Neither of them had seen him go.
He had tiptoed past them like a ghost and out into
the summer night. The sky was luminous with the
dust of stars. A sleepy wind was blowing.
He jumped into his car and sped away,
making such haste that one might have thought he was
pursued. He wheeled to the left in the direction
that led to the Surrey hills. It was the direction
he had taken with Terry on that March morning when
she had met him at the station. He was making
a discovery: that there is no tragedy more difficult
to contemplate with charity than the sight of other
people’s happiness. Their follies we can
tolerate and view even with compassion; but their
joys are unendurable. Joy separates men with impassable
barriers. It transfigures beggars into Lazaruses
lying at rest in Abraham’s bosom. We view
them from afar off and their contentment increases
the burning of our torment. No man has yet discovered
how to share his joy. Only a god could say, “My
joy I give unto you.”
They had not seen him go. That
was the neglect that rankled. Even though they
had seen him, they would not have cared; they would
have done nothing to delay him. They were past
all caring. Like tired ships, having weathered
many storms, they had furled their sails in the harbor
of desire. He had slipped by them like a demon
vessel, all canvas spread, out-going on his endless
voyage.
From the door, before he left, he
had looked back. The room was a-silver with twilight.
The garden beyond was still vaguely golden. The
pond glimmered darkly like a magic mirror. The
murmur of London wove patterns on the silence.
From the hall across the silver of the dusk, an intrusive
shaft of light pointed like a finger at those two entranced,
who had refound the peace that time had scattered.
Even though Pollock had not returned,
he himself could never have married her. There
are violations of the austerity of the soul which the
urgings of the flesh cannot accomplish. In the
vivid flash of reality that had visited him he knew
that now. He was angry bitterly angry.
But his anger was not for her; it was for himself.
He could be so audaciously prophetic in the affairs
of others. He could advise them and well-nigh
compel them to conserve themselves for kingdoms of
whose coming there was neither the slightest hope
nor warning. His penetrating optimism could foresee
the daringly incredible, so that it almost seemed
in the case of Maisie that his optimism had created
out of the incredible a fact. He could work these
miracles of restraint for others; himself he could
not restrain. His road ran straight as destiny,
yet any lazy kingdom of mildness in a woman’s
eyes was capable of luring him aside. In his
abasement he lost all faith in his self-knowledge.
Hadn’t he always been the victim of an imagination
which had tricked mere liking into a resemblance to
passion? He strutted, gestured, despaired till
he almost persuaded himself that he was the part he
was acting. But had he the faintest conception
of what real love meant? Hadn’t he always
acted a part? Yes, even in the case of Terry!
His saner judgment intervened.
He hadn’t always been like that. Where
had the point of departure started? He traced
back the weakness till he came to the moment when
he had permitted his sense of justice to be over-ruled
by a woman. It had started with Maisie, when he
had allowed her to persuade him to hide the truth
from Lady Dawn.
He jammed on the brakes, bringing
the car to a sudden halt. To go and tell her
must be the first step in his redemption. Till
that was done the curse of the dead man would follow
him. It seemed to him now, as he looked back,
that through all the spring and summer the shadow of
Lord Dawn had crept behind him. He would go at
once. He would go that night. He knew where
he could find her. He would set out like a pilgrim
of long ago through the moon-drenched, hay-scented
sweetness of the country.
His vision turned outwards. He
realized for the first time where he had halted.
He was within sight of Richmond Park, outside The
Star and Garter Hotel, the old haunt of merry-makers,
which had now become a permanent hospital for the
mutilated. There were lights to mark the windows
of men who suffered. As he watched, some leaped
up; others were snapped out. He could hear in
memory the starchy rustling of nurses and the creaking
of springs as the patients turned. There were
men in there without arms and legs and faces; he had
shared their danger and he had been spared. Surely
the God who had covered him with His mantle, had had
some plan some design of goodness for him!
Far below in a curving streak of blessedness
the Thames ran silvered by the moonlight. He
could see the clumped shadows of woods and the flicker
of ripples striking fire against the banks. More
distantly London glowed a golden flower
cupped in the hollowed hand of night. Holding
his breath he listened to the loudness of the quiet.
Subtle ecstasies drifted to him, fluttering like moths
against the windows of his mind “lilies
like thoughts, roses like words, in the sweet brain
of June.” There was a design. Maisie
had found her kingdom. Was it too much to expect
that round some future turning God had another kingdom
waiting?
III
He drove back to London by the directest
route. He would have to get supper before he
made a start. By the time he had done that, packed
his bag, and refilled his tank it would be close on
midnight. Dawn Castle lay somewhere down in Gloucestershire.
He knew the road as far as Oxford; after that his
ideas were vague.
He was a little daunted by the thought
of Lady Dawn. Everything that he had heard about
her, including his first meeting with her, had served
to daunt him. He pictured her as a woman with
a conscience clear-cut as a cameo a woman,
infallible and unsubdued, impatient of foolishness
and gentle in her spirit with the cold tranquillity
of a landscape under ice. How would she receive
him, coming out of nowhere, unheralded and unexplained?
And how could he explain the urgency that had compelled
him to come to her? It was a delicate task that
he had set himself, this seeking out a woman with
whom he was unacquainted, that he might tell her that
her husband had not hated her when he died. What
concern was it of his, she might well ask. If
she chose to be hostile, there were no arguments by
which he could defend his interference. His sole
justification was his deep-rooted conviction that he
was doing right.
She never cried. How often Maisie
had insisted on her sister’s abstinence from
tears, as though it was something monstrous that summed
up all her character! He would have felt far more
comfortable in visiting her if he had been assured
that she sometimes cried.
As he turned into Brompton Square,
he thought he caught the door of his house in the
act of closing. He might have been mistaken.
It was dark under the shadow of the trees. Quite
possibly it had been the door of a neighbor’s
house. Nevertheless, he hugged the curb as he
drove so that he might scan the face of any one on
the pavement. Forty yards from his doorstep,
at a point where things were darkest, a man passed
him. He was a tall man and walked with the erectness
of one who had been a soldier. The way in which
he carried himself and strode was extraordinarily
reminiscent. Tabs slowed down and looked back;
the man moved straight ahead, without hesitancy or
sign of recognition. It couldn’t be Braithwaite;
Ann’s vicinity was the least likely place in
which to find him.
As Tabs let himself into his house,
he found Ann in the hall. “Was there some
one here to see me?” he asked.
“There’s been no one to
see your Lordship,” Ann replied respectfully.
He scarcely knew what prompted him
to say it. Perhaps it was the healthy neatness
of her appearance the extreme orderliness
of her quiet. “Ann, you’re the sanest
creature I meet anywhere. You’ve the pluck
of one in a million.”
She turned to him a face that was
flushing and eyes that were unusually bright.
“It’s good of your Lordship. Your
Lordship is always kind.”
“No, Ann, only human. I
know what you’ve been through and I’m glad
you’re getting over it I
have to be away to-night. I shall need some supper.
While you’re preparing it, I’ll pack.”
On the way upstairs he telephoned
the garage to send for his car and to return it within
the hour. Then he climbed the last flight to his
bedroom.
While he packed, he kept pausing and
knitting his brows. A ridiculous conviction was
forming in his mind. “It couldn’t
have been,” he assured himself. Yet the
more he recalled the man on the pavement the more
certain he was that he had been Steely Jack. But
what motive could Braithwaite have had for calling
and why should Ann try to hide the fact that he had
called? He had lost trace of him utterly since
that day when he had handed him Terry’s ultimatum
at the Savoy. Since then Terry and he had had
many meetings, he did not doubt. Braithwaite’s
influence clung to her like her shadow. But if
he was so in love with Terry, the more reason why
he should steer clear of Ann. To have called at
Brompton Square would have been asking for a cloudburst.
It couldn’t have been Braithwaite. And
yet
And then there was Ann. Since
that day when the General’s portrait had appeared
in the papers, she had given up watching for letters
marked, “On His Majesty’s Service.”
She had made no further enquiries as to how his Lordship’s
friend at the War Office was progressing. Her
silence told its story; she had learned the truth.
In what spirit she had accepted the truth Tabs had
no means of guessing. Lady Hamilton, the little
maid-of-all-work, had been the beloved of Nelson.
Ann was not without her precedent. But the maid-of-all-work
had become Lady Hamilton before the Admiral had set
eyes on her. Steely Jack was a General, while
Ann was still a servant. Her claims would not
meet with much applause if they were brought before
a jury.
To all appearance she had resigned
herself to the inevitable. Tabs was frankly surprised
at her magnanimity and fortitude. About her fortitude
there could be no question, but concerning her magnanimity
he was not a little skeptical. More than once
he had caught her singing as she went about her work.
She didn’t get all the words correctly; she sang
them with improvisions, filling in the gaps where
her memory failed. Throughout the war the song
had been sung to men on leave at the Alhambra by the
heroine who acted the revengeful part of Tootsie:
“Some day I’ll make
you love me.
Some day you’ll call me ‘Dear’.
You’ll feel so lonely
And want me only;
I’m sure you’ll want
me near.
I know you can’t forget me,
Though, dear, for years you’ll
try.
I’ll make you miss me
And want to kiss me,
Bye and bye.”
She was a mystery. If she were
playing a game, it was a game the intentions of which
he could not fathom. The man whom he had passed
on the pavement could not have been Braithwaite.
Common-sense insisted on that.
IV
While he was at supper she gave him
no chance to question her. “I’m motoring
down to Dawn Castle,” he told her. “I’ve
left the address on my desk. Don’t forward
any letters till you hear from me. I don’t
suppose that I shall be there for more than a day.
To tell the truth,” he glanced up smiling at
her seriousness, “I haven’t been invited.”
Ann refused to be lured off her perch
of reticence. She set before him the dish she
was carrying. “I’m sure wherever your
Lordship goes there’s a welcome.”
He felt that he was being reproved.
He had been conscious of her silent criticism from
the moment he had announced that he would be away for
the night. He respected Ann and was anxious for
her good opinion. She was by long odds the most
honorable woman of his acquaintance and the best,
because she was the kindest. He had had the feeling
throughout the past two months that there was very
little that had happened inside his brain that had
escaped her. She had disapproved of Maisie.
She had shown no enthusiasm for Terry. She had
been aware of his dangers when he himself was disguising
them with excuses. All this he knew though no
word had been exchanged. She had observed in
all her dealings with him the decorum to be expected
from a high-class servant. And yet she was his
trusted friend, whose virtues compelled his admiration
and whose loyalty commanded his affection. She
thought ahead for him and smoothed his path.
Her sense of responsibility was as tender as a sister’s.
Her humility lent it a touch of pathos. He looked
up to her as men instinctively look up to good women
in whatever grade of society they find them.
The silent knowledge which each had of the other formed
a bond of sympathy, the more delicate because it was
unuttered.
He said, “Long ago it
must have been before the war I gave you
tickets to see Peter Pan.”
“It wasn’t to me your
Lordship gave them. It was to Braithwaite.”
“Was it?” He held her
eyes, striving to peer behind their curtained windows.
It was the first time that that name had been mentioned
between them in casual conversation. “You’re
right. It comes back to me now. It was the
Christmas of 1913 that he took you. Do you remember
the fairy who was dying? There was only one way
of keeping her alive. Peter Pan had to make the
children in the audience promise that they believed
in fairies. When they did that, she got well.
That’s why I’m going to Dawn Castle to-night.”
Ann ceased abruptly from what she
was doing and stared at her master in concern.
He laughed mischievously. “Wrong again,
Ann; I’ve not taken leave of my senses.
Two hours ago I made the same mistake. There was
a man who asked me whether I believed that Mrs. Lockwood’s
first husband, who was killed at the Front, would
return. While I was wondering how long it would
be before he’d grow violent, he proved to me
that he was her first husband. So I’m believing
in fairies.”
A secret happiness lit up her face.
“Deep down beneath our doubts, most of us believe
in fairies, I think, your Lordship.” With
a shy smile she left him.
The purring of an engine warned him
that the car had returned and was waiting. He
could hear Ann in the hall, handing out his bags.
He had finished his supper; he might as well be off.
As he drove out of the Square, he looked back; she
was standing on the steps, gazing after him.
He had the restless certainty, now that it was too
late, that she had had a secret which, at the last
moment, she would have given the world to have shared
with him.
V
Of that night journey in after years
he remembered only the deep peace and the ecstasy.
He was doing something at last that was right; though
why it was right, he would have found it hard to explain.
He encountered none of the difficulties he had anticipated
in picking up his direction. He flew unswervingly
to the mark like a bullet traveling a predestined
path. The first sixty miles were familiar; Maisie
had covered them with him on many occasions.
By every law of emotion each landmark should have
stirred some poignant memory, some fresh wistfulness
of regret. The fact was that he hardly gave her
a thought. When he did, it was only to wish her
luck and to congratulate himself on his escape.
Having passed through Oxford lying
blanched in moonlight, he climbed out of the Thames
valley, striking through uplands across the wold to
Burford. From then on all memories were left behind;
he had become an explorer in an unknown country.
Everything was sleeping. How
trustfully it slept! Trees were hooded like extinguished
candles. Flowers throughout the fields clasped
their faces in their hands. Birds, like fluffy
balls, drowsed on branches. Stars alone were
wakeful. They stooped to watch him with intent,
companionable glances. Now and then he had to
halt to flash his torch on a sign-post or to consult
his map. For the most part he took chances and
guessed.
Night engulfed him, rushed past him,
broke over him. He was like a ship thrusting
forward into a trackless ocean.
The paleness of dawn was in the sky
as he neared Gloucester. When he entered, its
roofs and towers were precipices of gold and fire,
straining up to the New Jerusalem which floated in
the clouds. The streets of the ancient city had
a mystic look, white and hushed and tenantless.
But already the cheeky sparrows were about, scandal-mongering
beneath the eaves with an unholy disregard for the
awe by which they were surrounded.
He left Gloucester in a southwesterly
direction. In fields the hay was lying cut.
A largesse of dew had been scattered through the hedgerows
like loot from the treasure-chests of emperors.
Larks were battling up, striving to sing against the
very bars of heaven. Every fragrance and sound
was a messenger, guaranteeing happiness.
Round a bend in the road he came across
a cluster of thatched cottages, their white walls
gleaming incandescent in the morning sunshine.
Beyond them lay a parkland, from the edge of which
rose a wooded knoll, crowned by a moated castle.
The next mile-stone warned him that it was the village
of Dawn he was approaching.
VI
All day he had waited a
lazy summer day, drowsy with the hum of bees and heavy
with the perfume of cottage flowers. On entering
the village he had put up at The Dawn Arms,
an old-fashioned hunting hostel which owed its prosperity
to the fame of the Dawn foxhounds. Having bathed
and breakfasted, he had started off to leave his card
on Lady Dawn. Arriving at the Castle, he had
been informed that her Ladyship had left early that
morning and was not expected back till early evening.
He had filled in the morning by sleeping and the afternoon
by joining a band of sight-seeing trippers who had
driven over from Gloucester in gayly-painted chars-a-bancs.
With a spice of amusement, he had
paid his shilling for admission at the wooden booth
outside the Castle gate and had found himself herded
with a crowd of affectionately inclined young women
and young men who perspired freely the
latter for the sake of greater comfort had removed
their coats and knotted handkerchiefs about their
throats. In good time a decrepit ex-butler had
appeared to act as guide and had led the excursionists
over the Norman part of the ruins. He had shown
them the dungeons, the room in which a prince had
been murdered and the havoc wrought upon the walls
by Cromwellian cannon. The ever recurring theme
of his trembling narrative was the prowess and the
splendor of the Dawns. He was like a weak-voiced
cricket chirping in the sunshine. His stories
of bygone lords, who had died in rebellions and crusades,
were too ancient to grip the imagination. At
first his veneration for the race which he served
inspired an outward show of respect on the part of
his hearers. But soon, in straggling twos and
threes, they lagged behind to explore and pluck wall-flowers
from the crannies. Girls, feeling the pressure
of lovers’ arms about their waists, giggled shrilly.
They wandered off to shady nooks in the grass-grown
ramparts where woolly sheep looked up somnolently
to watch them.
To the few who remained the old man
mumbled on. It was the nobility of the late Lord
Dawn that he was now recounting the daring
horseman he had been, the deviltry of him, the lust
of life he had had, the greatness of his possessions
and how he had foregone all this beauty to be hammered
into the defilement of the trenches like a rat, cornered
in a sewer.
“Visitors are not allowed in
the part of the Castle that is inhabited. But,
since her Ladyship’s away ”
Unlocking a door, he led them through
a tunnel to a grilled gate, through the bars of which
they saw the Castle’s terraced rose-gardens,
falling away steeply in a cascade of petals to a water-lilied,
green-scummed moat which encircled the stronghold like
a necklace of jade. Beside the water’s
edge a fair-haired boy in a white sailor suit was
deeply absorbed in sailing a boat.
“His little Lordship,” the old man whispered.
“But I didn’t know
How old?” Tabs questioned.
“Eight years, sir, come December.”
Long after he had returned to the
inn, the picture of the little boy remained with him.
This discovery that Lord Dawn had left a son made him
the more certain of the justice of his errand.
The azure and emerald of late afternoon
drifted into the ensanguined gold of sunset.
The long-tarrying twilight had already settled when
a messenger arrived, bearing a note. It was from
her Ladyship, regretting her absence and saying that
she would be happy to receive a visit from Lord Taborley
that evening or at any time that was convenient.
VII
He set out at once. Heretofore,
with the exception of Terry, women had meant little
to him. But he was curious to meet this woman curious
and eager in a strangely boyish fashion. Every
one who had mentioned her had spoken of her with a
certain hint of fear, not untinged with adoration.
He hadn’t been aware how anxious he had been
to meet her until her note had summoned him.
He wondered whether she had any of the endearing humanity
of her sister. He wondered whether what Pollock
had said was true, that she looked much older than
her portrait. He didn’t want her to look
older
He came to the bridge across the moat
and the gateway which bore the grooves in which the
old portcullis used to slide. He passed through
the gateway, under the tower, into the graveled courtyard
of the Castle. On three sides the courtyard was
loop-holed and sullen, but on the fourth modern windows
and a brass-knobbed door had been let into the solid
masonry. Above the door, shining down on the whitened
steps, a lamp burnt in a wrought-iron socket.
Several of the windows were also lighted.
His knock was answered by a gray-haired
man, with the gravity of deportment which is peculiar
to lawyers, undertakers and footmen. While the
man went to inform his mistress, Tabs was left to note
how the hall was hung with hunting trophies.
Then he heard himself being requested to follow.
Having climbed a winding stair, he
was shown into a room in the turret, one side of which
was filled by a tall leaded window gazing westward.
The landscape which it framed, hung against the darkness
like a painted canvas a far-reaching expanse
of tree-dotted pasture, vague with islands of mist
and rimmed by the last faint sparks of the sunset.
The ceiling was heavily beamed, the furniture Jacobean,
the walls paneled and hung with many generations of
family portraits. In a wide hearth a fire of
coals and logs was burning. In the room’s
center stood a carved table on which was set a massive
silver lamp, casting a solitary illumination.
“Lord Taborley, my Lady.”
As his name was announced, he heard
the rustle of her dress, and discovered that she had
been seated in a low chair by the window. She
rose with a slow grace. There was something indefinably
tragic and foreordained about her every movement.
Maisie’s name for her flashed into his mind,
“The Princess Czarina Bolsheviki.”
It suited her exactly. In those surroundings
she might have posed as Mary Queen of Scots in prison a
queen without a kingdom whose pride was unbroken.
In the dimness his first impression was of her queenly
gentleness.
“I can guess why you’ve come.”
The same deep voice that had taunted
him at Maisie’s, only now it was no longer taunting!
He noticed the way she offered him her hand, with the
arm fully extended as if to hold him away from her.
She was a smaller woman than he had remembered; it
was the courage of her bearing that had made her seem
taller. He could not see her face distinctly;
it was in shadow. But, when she turned, he caught
the whiteness of her profile on the dusk, clear-cut
and tranquil as a cameo. After having gazed so
long at Sargent’s painting, he would have recognized
anywhere the rounded shapeliness of her head, the
hair swept smoothly back from the calm forehead, the
splendid strength of her throat and the delicate, wholly
feminine half-moon of her shoulders.
“Won’t you sit over here?
If you would prefer it, we can have more lamps.
But they would spoil ” She
indicated the vague stretch of country, across which
mists were drifting like gray ghosts.
He drew up a chair at an angle to
her own, so that he could study her. “You
say you think you know why I’ve come?”
“I was expecting you,”
she said quietly. He could feel rather than see
the steady kindness that was in her stone-gray eyes.
“If you were expecting me, then
your sister must have ”
“My sister had nothing to do
with my expecting. Can’t you think of any
one closer?”
He shook his head. At first he
had hoped that Maisie had told her and done his work
for him. Evidently it wasn’t that.
She was attributing some other motive to his visit.
It was a motive the disclosure of which called for
delicacy. She had prearranged his reception.
It was no accident that had caused him to find her
alone in the dimness of the gathering evening.
The scanty lighting of the shadowy room had been stage-set
to spare them both embarrassment. “If it
wasn’t your sister ”
He paused at a loss to know how to proceed further.
Her hands came together gently in
her lap. When she spoke, her emotional voice
had a new tenderness. “Will you allow me
to help you? We’re not such strangers as
we seem. For years I’ve been interested
in you. I was always hearing of your adventures
in Mexico, Korea, the Balkans and last of all at the
Front. You’ve been quite a romantic figure
in my life. You’ve always seemed so strong;
and I admire strength immensely. I never dreamt
that a time would ever come when I would be able to
help you. You’re in love and she’s
not in love with you. You’re older than
she is and it makes you unhappy. She has time
to experiment, but for you it’s different; your
love is bound up with the last of your youth.
Because you’ve been unhappy, you’ve been
unwise. Your foolishness ended yesterday with
the return of Reggie Pollock. I received the news
of his return this morning. So you came down
here to me, which was perfectly natural.”
He shifted his gaze and stared out
of the window, puzzled and troubled. “Unfortunately
for me, Lady Dawn, a good deal of what you’ve
said is true. But I don’t see how it makes
it natural that I should have come to you. I’ve
been wanting to come for a very long time, but was
given to understand that what I had to say might be
distasteful.”
“You must put that out of your
mind.” She said it comfortingly, as though
to a little boy. “There’s nothing
distasteful in what you have to say. It may cause
awkwardness with Sir Tobias; but if you can assure
me that you’re really in earnest over Terry,
I’ll be quite willing to risk that in order
to become your ally.”
He smiled towards her through the
darkness. “There’s nothing I should
like better than to reckon you as my ally. And
now I see why we’ve been talking at cross-purposes.
You think that I’ve come to wheedle Terry’s
address out of you. Perhaps I have, since you’ve
put the idea into my head. And with regard to
my earnestness, nothing except Terry in the whole
world matters. She’s romance, self-fulfillment
and, as you’ve said, the last dream of my youth.
If I supposed that I were going to lose her, I would
rather not have But I didn’t
come here to burden you with my troubles. I came
to do something for you something which
I’ve tried to avoid doing. Something which
has forced itself upon me and followed me until
It’s as though I’d been compelled by a
personality outside myself. I may make you very
unhappy ”
She leant forward, bringing her face
so close that he could feel the fanning of her breath.
The moon was newly risen; as it shone on the mist,
low-lying in the meadows, it made the country-side
luminous like a vast lake of milk which washed about
the trees and submerged the hedges. In its reflected
radiancy for the first time he saw her features clearly.
They startled him, leaping together out of the white
blur that they had been into something more lovely
than he had imagined. He had never seen such
calmness. And the calmness was not alone in her
expression; the same sculptured quiet was in the white
curve of her arms and the gentle swelling of her breast.
He knew now why she was declared to be the most beautiful
woman in England. But it was the wisdom of her
far more than the beauty that enthralled him.
There was no weakness that her sympathy could not
encompass nothing that he need be ashamed
to tell her. Though she appeared to be about
the same age as himself, by reason of her experience
she made him feel younger. No woman who had attracted
him before had been able to make him feel that.
Already he was filled with a strange sense of gratitude.
Very simply she took his hand and
folded it between her own.
“You, who have been a soldier,
were a little afraid of me. Don’t be afraid
of me, Lord Taborley. Whatever it is that you’ve
come to do for me, I shall try to be grateful.
As for making me unhappy, no one not even
you has the power to do that.”
VIII
He looked at her wonderingly. “They say
you never cry.”
A slow smile flitted across her face
and died out. “You want the truth?
You yourself tell the truth When
they say that I never cry, they mean that I never
let them see me.”
He laughed softly. “I thought
it was that: you cry in secret like a man.
Not to cry at all would be monstrous; it was that which
made me afraid of you. A man doesn’t like
a woman to be stronger than himself. It was about
a man who didn’t like a woman to be stronger
than himself that I came to talk to you.”
She had guessed. Through her
hands he could feel the commotion of her life struggle
and die down till it grew almost silent. The stillness
of the room seemed a backwater of the intenser stillness
of the night without.
Her lips scarcely moved. “And the man?”
“Your husband.”
“But he’s dead.”
“I know.”
He waited for her to flame up at the
indelicacy of his intrusion. He almost hoped
she would. When she sat motionless as a statue,
he continued apologetically. “I’m
trespassing on things sacred. Because of that
I’ve fought to avoid this meeting, knowing all
the time that it was inevitable. I’ve tried
to persuade myself that it would be kinder to leave
you in ignorance ”
“Of what?” She strove
to subdue her apprehension. Her profile showed
pale and expressionless, as if chiseled in the solid
wall of darkness.
“In ignorance of his grandeur.”
He had said the thing most remote
from what she had expected. He was aware of her
relieved suspense at the same time of her
gentle skepticism. He felt irritated with himself
at his choice of words. Grandeur did not express
the meaning he had intended. When he made a new
start, he stumbled his way gropingly, confused by his
consciousness of her unuttered doubts.
“Why I have to tell you this
I can hardly say. It’s not for his sake.
It’s certainly not for mine. It’s
for yours, I fancy. Yes, I’m sure.
By doing him justice I shall be able to help you,
though I have no reason for supposing that you stand
in need of help. It’s to do him justice
that he’s been urging me. Yet why should
he have selected me to be his spokesman? I wasn’t
his friend. I never met him till I reached the
Front; out there I really never knew him. No one
did. He was like a sleep-walker a
very silent man. You’ll be wondering why,
if this was the case, I should be so impertinent as
to mention his name to you to you of all
persons, who can claim to have known him infinitely
more intimately than any one else. And you’ll
be wondering why, after two months of procrastinating,
I motored through the night from London to force my
way into your privacy, without forewarning or introduction.
If I’m going to be honest, I must run the risk
of appearing absurd. I could resist him no longer.
He coerced me with ill-luck. Ever since I entered
your sister’s house and discovered who you were,
he’s been urging ”
“Who I was!” Her
head turned slowly. It was her first intense display
of interest.
“I mean your relation to him that
it was you who were his wife. At the Front I
didn’t know that he was Lord Dawn; he’d
blotted out his identity. He was merely gun-fodder
like the rest of us something to be sent
over the top to be smashed and then to be left to sink
into the mud or else hurried back to be patched up
in hospital. He was a company-commander in my
battalion. I knew nothing of his past. My
acquaintance with him began and ended in the trenches.
I don’t know much now only what Maisie’s
told me.” He had been speaking with growing
earnestness. Suddenly he flashed into indignant
vehemence. “What Maisie’s told me!
It’s false of the man as he was out there.
He wants you to believe that. Out there he was
different. He may have been paltry and base once;
but he was reborn into a new nobility. He was
white all through. He was overpoweringly heroic.
From the humblest Tommy we all adored him adored
him for the example he set us. He was only cheerful
when there was dying to be done out at rest
and in quiet sectors he was gloomy. The men loved
him for that; it struck them as humorous. And
yet he was utterly indifferent to their love.
He’d got beyond caring for what anybody thought
of him. He was too absorbed in establishing reasons
for thinking well of himself. I learnt things
about him one does in the presence of physical
torture. I learnt secrets about the fineness of
his spirit which, I believe, he never allowed you
to suspect. Probably he never suspected them
himself until the ordeal of terror had sifted the
gold from the dross. It was the dross that Maisie
remembered. But we, who were his comrades in
khaki, saw nothing but the gold his untiring
ability to share. You weren’t there; nevertheless,
that’s what I’ve got to help you to understand.
I’ve got to make you see the new Lord Dawn who
was born out there. It was last night, after Pollock
returned, that I saw my duty clearly. It came
on me in a flash that, if a man who had been counted
dead could come back, it was not impossible that this
pleading from beyond the grave, which I’d tried
to thwart and ridicule ”
He broke off abruptly. It was
the wideness of her eyes that warned him. He
was conscious that she, too, was feeling that invisible
pressure. She was expecting to see something.
He followed the direction of her eyes, glancing behind
him into the hollow dimness of the room, where the
solitary lamp was burning and the vanished lords of
Dawn gazed stonily down from their canvases.
In that moment he was aware that he had been stating
facts as he had never owned them to himself. It
was as though his lips had been used
“Things that he didn’t
allow me to suspect!” She sighed shudderingly.
“He allowed me to suspect so much. But tell
me. What were these things? Since they’re
the reasons for your visit, they must be important.”
“They’re only part of the reasons.”
“There are others?”
“The chief reason is yourself.”
He spoke cautiously, fearful lest he might lose her
attention by rousing her incredulity. Even to
himself it sounded preposterous that he, an outsider,
should claim to bear so intimate a message from a
husband who was dead. “You believed, Lady
Dawn, that you had ceased to count in your husband’s
affections; yet wherever his battalion went, you were
present with us. The men and officers knew you,
without knowing who you were. You were with us
in the mud of the Somme; you went over the top with
us in our attacks. More than one young officer
believed himself in love with you. Yours was the
last woman’s face that many a poor fellow looked
upon before he went West. We were an emotional
lot. Death made us natural as children. Women
meant more to us than they ever had before and than
they ever will again, perhaps. The nearness to
eternity purged us of impurity. It fired us with
a wistful kind of chivalry. The change is hard
to express. I’ve known men, who hadn’t
a wife or sweetheart, cut strange women’s portraits
from the illustrated papers and treasure them.
As we sit here it sounds a waste of sentiment; out
there it seemed tragically pathetic. Every man
wanted to believe, even though his believing was a
conscious pretense, that there was one woman peculiarly
his, who would miss ”
He interrupted himself to glance again
across his shoulder, following her eyes where they
probed the stealthy shadows. Then he brought his
gaze back. “That was how I first learnt
to know your face from the portrait which
your husband carried. Into whatever danger he
was ordered, you went you accompanied him
in the most real sense: he carried you in his
heart. From time to time I got glimpses of you.
When he thought no one was looking, he would prop
your portrait against the walls of dug-outs with a
candle lighted before it, as if you were a saint whom
he worshiped. You were the inspiration of his
steadfastness to duty. What he did, he did for
you. His courage was your courage; his kindness
was your kindness. He was striving every minute
to be worthy of you. I know of what I’m
talking, for I did the same for Terry. Late at
night one would stumble down greasy dug-out stairs,
coming in from a patrol, to find him lost in thought
and gazing at you. Or one would find him covering
page after page of letters which he never sent.
When he was dying, alone and far out in No Man’s
Land, he must have drawn out your portrait from next
his heart. It was so tightly clasped in his hand
when we found him, that we couldn’t take it
from him. I’d almost forgotten all this
until two months ago, when I recognized Sargent’s
painting of you in your sister’s house.
Then for the first time I discovered your name and
who he was. Since then he’s given me no
rest.”
She had been leaning forward, her
arm supported on her knee, her chin cushioned in her
hand, the white light from the mist-covered meadows
falling softly on her through the tall window, revealing
the pulse beating in her throat and the trembling
of her thin sweet mouth.
“What was it that he wanted
you to do for me, Lord Taborley?”
He hesitated, clasping his forehead,
like a man whose memory had suddenly gone blank.
“I’m not sure. And yet I was sure
before I started talking. Didn’t you believe
that he died hating you?”
She shook her head. “He left a child by
me.”
“Then, perhaps it wasn’t
that he hadn’t hated you, but that he’d
loved you in his last moments. Was it that which
he wanted me to tell you?”
Again, with a gesture, she negatived
his suggestion. “He’d never have
doubted that I would know he had died loving me.”
“Then why did he send me?”
Even while he asked it, he marveled
at his certainty that she shared his conviction that
he had been sent.
She turned her eyes full on his face
and let them dwell there searchingly. As he returned
her gaze, he noted that she was less young than he
had supposed. She was older than her portrait.
Her hair, which had looked night-black in the shadows,
was prematurely frosted. The moonlight, strengthening,
picked out remorselessly each silver thread.
She was no longer capable of putting back the hands
of time for any man.
She had read his thoughts. The
pride went out of her voice. “Perhaps he
sent you,” she faltered, “that he might
give me back a little of what he took.”
“What did he take? Anything that I have ”
She leant back in her chair.
Her face was again in shadow. “My youth.
My happiness.”
In the silence which followed he was
aware that the third presence had departed.
IX
“Your youth! Your happiness!”
He was astounded. “Strange that you should
say that! I thought that I alone was searching.”
“Let me talk,” she begged.
“I want to speak about myself. Not for my
own sake, but for yours. To men like you who
have lived at the Front, life has become a terribly
earnest affair. You’re like impatient children;
what you want you want quickly. You seem to be
afraid to postpone anything lest death should carry
you off before your desire has been granted.
But you’re not really different from women like
myself. Crises come to all of us, when life grows
desperate when to be alone becomes intolerable:
when everything, even one’s pleasures, becomes
a burden, because they are unshared. Such a crisis
would have come to you sooner or later in any event.
It comes to every unmarried man and woman. The
war only happened to be the means of bringing home
to you your loneliness. When it broke, you didn’t
have time to choose; you seized on Terry, because
she was young and pretty and susceptible. You
were terrified by the calamity of being blotted out
before you had known love. You forgot that there’s
a worse calamity and that’s being
compelled to live forever with a person for whom you
have ceased to care. A man like yourself can
have any woman he likes, only any woman wouldn’t
suit. She would have to be unusual of
a high type like yourself. Such women are rare.
The thought of Terry attracts you because a marriage
with her would seem to halve your years. But why
should you want to halve your years? To have
lived ought to mean that you have gained experience,
which is the most dearly purchased form of knowledge.
Why should you be ashamed of it and so anxious to be
rid of it? You purchased your experience with
blood. It’s the most valuable of all your
possessions. And if you were to marry Terry, what
could she contribute? A pretty face, an unbroken
body and all the intolerance of her youth. A
pretty face doesn’t go far in matrimony.
Husbands soon get used to mere prettiness and learn
to look behind it for character. A wife, in order
to be your friend, would have to be your equal in her
understanding of suffering. How much suffering
has a girl like Terry had?”
He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t
even offended. What she had been saying had so
clarified his thoughts that it had been as if he had
been thinking aloud. Her voice was a dark mirror,
glancing into which he had recognized himself.
His self-knowledge carried him far beyond any arguments
of hers. He sat perfectly still with a face of
iron, gazing straight before him.
What he had mistaken for chivalry
and romance had been nothing but foolishness.
He had been enacting the unwisdom of an infatuated
boy with the solemnity of a mature man. His clamor
had been unprofitable, undignified, absurd on
a level with the amorous hysterics of Grand Opera,
save that it had lacked the redeeming storm of contending
music. The utter futility of so much wasted feeling
bordered on tragedy; the need which it had expressed
had been so primitive, so distressingly sincere.
He was confronted with the necessity of confessing
that his passion for Terry was at an end.
When had it died? Perhaps only
since he had entered this quiet room, with its moonlit
landscape, its lowered lights and its wise mistress,
sitting so gravely alone with her patient beauty and
her gently folded hands. But even before he had
entered, it must have been dying. For weeks he
had been flogging it, like an over-tired horse, into
a feeble display of energy. More than anything,
his conduct with Maisie proved that.
Maisie’s excuse for the error
of her many marriages recurred to him that
Gervis and Lockwood had hung up their hats in her hall.
Frivolous, yes! But had he been less frivolous
in his treatment of Terry? He had felt the compulsion
to concentrate his craving to love and be loved on
some special woman! Terry had been handiest, so
he’d hung his idolatry on her.
But to acknowledge this implied a
fickleness of temperament that was disastrous to his
self-respect. It deflated him to the proportions
of an Adair. It toppled his lofty standards in
the dust. It changed him from a loyalist, making
a fanatical last stand, into a haggard runaway.
His pride leapt up in his defense.
Turning to Lady Dawn, with grim despair he muttered,
“But I want her. I can’t do without
her. I want no one else.”
X
Her voice reached him out of the darkness.
“To own that we’ve been mistaken takes
more courage than to persist in the wrong direction.
’I want no one else!’ We’ve all
said that. It was through saying it that I brought
about my shipwreck. But if you’re sure that
you want no one else, you must have her. If there’s
any way of getting her for you, I’ll do my best
to help.”
She made an effort to rise. She
stood before him swaying, a blinded look on her face,
her eyes closed, her hands stretched out. He placed
his arm about her. Her weight sagged against
him.
“Not the servants,” she
whispered. “You and I. Give me air.”
With his free hand he jerked the catch
and pushed the window wide. The cool dampness
of the night streamed in on her. He stood there
with her clasped against him, her head stretched back,
her body drooping. In the bowl of darkness at
the foot of the turret, the rose-garden floated.
Out of sight, in the green-scummed moat, a fish leapt
with a sullen splash. A bird called. Wheels
rumbled on a distant road. Again the silence was
unbroken. The moonlight, falling on her face,
gave to it an expression of childishness. Her
breast and throat, gleaming white as marble, reminded
him she was a woman.
She stirred. Her eyes opened.
She gazed up at him wonderingly. “I’m
better. Foolish of me!” Then, inconsequently,
“How tall you are, Lord Taborley!”
He supported her till she could lean
across the sill. They leant there together, their
faces nearly touching. His arm was still about
her; she did not seem to notice it. He was dumb
with tremulous expectancy.
“It was about myself that I
had to tell you,” she whispered. “I
was once like you. I wanted no one else.
I knew, even while I wanted him, that he could never
make me happy. Even when I was most in love with
him, he had qualities which I distrusted. After
marriage the distrusting grew. Yet all the while
I was sorry for him. I would have given anything
to undo His sins were mine.
With another woman, less virtuous, he might have been
good. In his yearning he tried to drag me down.
I couldn’t go, not even if going would have
saved him. There was something in me, not exactly
pride, that prevented. I have never spoken of
this to anybody. I’m saying it to you because ”
She broke off. Why was she saying
it? The perfume of June roses under moonlight,
mingling with the fragrance of her hair, was intoxicating.
His arm about her tightened. Was she only allowing
him to hold her out of pity because of his confession?
“Because,” she said, “I
think before she knows of your visit it would be better
that you should go.”
He failed to grasp her logic.
“But if I stay, she will never know.”
She released herself gently and gazed
at him reproachfully. “Never know!
But you came in order that she might know.”
He was more than ever puzzled.
He had come to tell her of her husband. Did she
not believe him? She seemed to be accusing him.
He remembered how she had claimed, when he had entered,
that she could guess what had brought him. “I
came solely to see you,” he said, speaking slowly.
“I was compelled, as I’ve told you.
I give you my word of honor that my visit wasn’t
even remotely related to ”
A sharply indrawn breath cut short
what he was saying. They turned quickly, moving
instinctively apart. Gazing in from the open door,
across the pool of lamplight, was Terry.