Manifestly it is impossible to thrust
oneself into a house where there is going to be a
funeral next day, even if one has come all the way
from New York and has nowhere else to go. Equally
manifestly it is impossible to thrust oneself into
it after the funeral till a decent interval has elapsed.
But what the devil, Mr. Twist asked himself in language
become regrettably natural to him since his sojourn
at the front, is a decent interval?
This Mr. Twist asked himself late
that night, pacing up and down the sea-shore in the
warm and tranquil darkness in front of the Cosmopolitan
Hotel, while the twins, utterly tired out by their
journey and the emotions at the end of it, crept silently
into bed.
How long does it take a widow to recover
her composure? Recover, that is, the first beginnings
of it? At what stage in her mourning is it legitimate
to intrude on her with reminders of obligations incurred
before she was a widow, with, in fact, the
Twinklers? Delicacy itself would shrink from
doing it under a week thought Mr. Twist, or even under
a fortnight, or even if you came to that, under a month;
and meanwhile what was he to do with the Twinklers?
Mr. Twist, being of the artistic temperament
for otherwise he wouldn’t have been so sympathetic
nor would he have minded, as he so passionately did
mind, his Uncle Charles’s teapot dribbling on
to the tablecloth was sometimes swept by
brief but tempestuous révulsions of feeling, and
though he loved the Twinklers he did at this moment
describe them mentally and without knowing it in the
very words of Uncle Arthur, as those accursed twins.
It was quite unjust, he knew. They couldn’t
help the death of the man Dellogg. They were
the victims, from first to last, of a cruel and pursuing
fate; but it is natural to turn on victims, and Mr.
Twist was for an instant, out of the very depth of
his helpless sympathy, impatient with the Twinklers.
He walked up and down the sands frowning
and pulling his mouth together, while the Pacific
sighed sympathetically at his feet. Across the
road the huge hotel standing in its gardens was pierced
by a thousand lights. Very few people were about
and no one at all was on the sands. There was
an immense noise of what sounded like grasshoppers
or crickets, and also at intervals distant choruses
of frogs, but these sounds seemed altogether beneficent, so
warm, and southern, and far away from less happy places
where in October cold winds perpetually torment the
world. Even in the dark Mr. Twist knew he had
got to somewhere that was beautiful. He could
imagine nothing more agreeable than, having handed
over the twins safely to the Delloggs, staying on a
week or two in this place and seeing them every day, perhaps
even, as he had pictured to himself on the journey,
being invited to stay with the Delloggs. Now all
that was knocked on the head. He supposed the
man Dellogg couldn’t help being dead but he,
Mr. Twist, equally couldn’t help resenting it.
It was so awkward; so exceedingly awkward. And
it was so like what one of that creature Uncle Arthur’s
friends would do.
Mr. Twist, it will be seen, was frankly
unreasonable, but then he was very much taken aback
and annoyed. What was he to do with the Annas?
He was obviously not a relation of theirs and
indeed no profiles could have been less alike and
he didn’t suppose Acapulco was behind other
parts of America in curiosity and gossip. If he
stayed on at the Cosmopolitan with the twins till
Mrs. Dellogg was approachable again, whenever that
might be, every sort of question would be being asked
in whispers about who they were and what was their
relationship, and presently whenever they sat down
anywhere the chairs all round them would empty.
Mr. Twist had seen the kind of thing happening in hotels
before to other people, never to himself;
never had he been in any situation till now that was
not luminously regular. And quite soon after
this with the chairs had begun to happen, the people
who created these vacancies were told by the manager firmly
in America, politely in England, and sympathetically
in France that their rooms had been engaged
a long time ago for the very next day, and no others
were available.
The Cosmopolitan was clearly an hotel
frequented by the virtuous rich. Mr. Twist felt
that he and the Annas wouldn’t, in their eyes,
come under this heading, not, that is, when the other
guests became aware of the entire absence of any relationship
between him and the twins. Well, for a day or
two nothing could happen; for a day or two, before
his party had had time to sink into the hotel consciousness
and the manager appeared to tell him the rooms were
engaged, he could think things out and talk them over
with his companions. Perhaps he might even see
Mrs. Dellogg. The funeral, he had heard on inquiring
of the hall porter was next day. It was to be
a brilliant affair, said the porter. Mr. Dellogg
had been a prominent inhabitant, free with his money,
a supporter of anything there was to support.
The porter talked of him as the taxi-driver had done,
regretfully and respectfully; and Mr. Twist went to
bed angrier than ever with a man who, being so valuable
and so necessary, should have neglected at such a
moment to go on living.
Mr. Twist didn’t sleep very
well that night. He lay in his rosy room, under
a pink silk quilt, and most of the time stared out
through the open French windows with their pink brocade
curtains at the great starry night, thinking.
In that soft bed, so rosy and so silken
as to have been worthy of the relaxations of, at least,
a prima donna, he looked like some lean and alien
bird nesting temporarily where he had no business to.
He hadn’t thought of buying silk pyjamas when
the success of his teapot put him in the right position
for doing so, because his soul was too simple for him
to desire or think of anything less candid to wear
in bed than flannel, and he still wore the blue flannel
pyjamas of a careful bringing up. In that beautiful
bed his pyjamas didn’t seem appropriate.
Also his head, so frugal of hair, didn’t do
justice to the lace and linen of a pillow prepared
for the hairier head of, again at least, a prima donna.
And finding he couldn’t sleep, and wishing to
see the stars he put on his spectacles, and then looked
more out of place than ever. But as nobody was
there to see him, which, Mr. Twist sometimes
thought when he caught sight of himself in his pyjamas
at bed-time, is one of the comforts of being virtuously
unmarried, nobody minded.
His reflections were many and various,
and they conflicted with and contradicted each other
as the reflections of persons in a difficult position
who have Mr. Twist’s sort of temperament often
do. Faced by a dribbling teapot, an object which
touched none of the softer emotions, Mr. Twist soared
undisturbed in the calm heights of a detached and
concentrated intelligence, and quickly knew what to
do with it; faced by the derelict Annas his heart
and his tenderness got in the ways of any clear vision.
About three o’clock in the morning,
when his mind was choked and strewn with much pulled-about
and finally discarded plans, he suddenly had an idea.
A real one. As far as he could see, a real good
one. He would place the Annas in a school.
Why shouldn’t they go to school?
he asked himself, starting off answering any possible
objections. A year at a first-rate school would
give them and everybody else time to consider.
They ought never to have left school. It was
the very place for luxuriant and overflowing natures
like theirs. No doubt Acapulco had such a thing
as a finishing school for young ladies in it, and
into it the Annas should go, and once in it there
they should stay put, thought Mr. Twist in vigorous
American, gathering up his mouth defiantly.
Down these lines of thought his relieved
mind cantered easily. He would seek out a lawyer
the next morning, regularize his position to the twins
by turning himself into their guardian, and then get
them at once into the best school there was.
As their guardian he could then pay all their expenses,
and faced by this legal fact they would, he hoped,
be soon persuaded of the propriety of his paying whatever
there was to pay.
Mr. Twist was so much pleased by his
idea that he was able to go to sleep after that.
Even three months’ school the period
he gave Mrs. Dellogg for her acutest grief would
do. Tide them over. Give them room to turn
round in. It was a great solution. He took
off his spectacles, snuggled down into his rosy nest,
and fell asleep with the instantaneousness of one
whose mind is suddenly relieved.
But when he went down to breakfast
he didn’t feel quite so sure. The twins
didn’t look, somehow, as though they would want
to go to school. They had been busy with their
luggage, and had unpacked one of the trunks for the
first time since leaving Aunt Alice, and in honour
of the heat and sunshine and the heavenly smell of
heliotrope that was in the warm air, had put on white
summer frocks.
Impossible to imagine anything cooler,
sweeter, prettier and more angelically good than those
two Annas looked as they came out on to the great
verandah of the hotel to join Mr. Twist at breakfast.
They instantly sank into the hotel consciousness.
Mr. Twist had thought this wouldn’t happen for
a day or two, but he now perceived his mistake.
Not a head that wasn’t turned to look at them,
not a newspaper that wasn’t lowered. They
were immediate objects of interest and curiosity, entirely
benevolent interest and curiosity because nobody yet
knew anything about them, and the wives of the rich
husbands those halves of the virtuous-rich
unions which provided the virtuousness smiled
as they passed, and murmured nice words to each other
like cute and cunning.
Mr. Twist, being a good American,
stood up and held the twins’ chairs for them
when they appeared. They loved this; it seemed
so respectful, and made them feel so old and looked-up
to. He had done it that night in New York at
supper, and at all the meals in the train in spite
of the train being so wobbly and each time they had
loved it. “It makes one have such self-respect,”
they agreed, commenting on this agreeable practice
in private.
They sat down in the chairs with the
gracious face of the properly treated, and inquired,
with an amiability and a solicitous politeness on
a par with their treatment how Mr. Twist had slept.
They themselves had obviously slept well, for their
faces were cherubic in their bland placidity, and
already after one night wore what Mr. Twist later came
to recognize as the Californian look, a look of complete
unworriedness.
Yet they ought to have been worried.
Mr. Twist had been terribly worried up to the moment
in the night when he got his great idea, and he was
worried again, now that he saw the twins, by doubts.
They didn’t look as though they would easily
be put to school. His idea still seemed to him
magnificent, a great solution, but would the Annas
be able to see it? They might turn out impervious
to it; not rejecting it, but simply non-absorbent.
As they slowly and contentedly ate their grape-fruit,
gazing out between the spoonfuls at the sea shining
across the road through palm trees, and looking unruffled
itself, he felt it was going to be rather like suggesting
to two cherubs to leave their serene occupation of
adoring eternal beauty and learn lessons instead.
Still, it was the one way out, as far as Mr. Twist
could see, of the situation produced by the death
of the man Dellogg. “When you’ve done
breakfast,” he said, pulling himself together
on their reaching the waffle stage, “we must
have a talk.”
“When we’ve done breakfast,”
said Anna-Rose, “we must have a walk.”
“Down there,” said Anna-Felicitas,
pointing with her spoon. “On the sands.
Round the curve to where the pink hills begin.”
“Mr. Dellogg’s death,”
said Mr. Twist, deciding it was necessary at once
to wake them up out of the kind of happy somnolescence
they seemed to be falling into, “has of course
completely changed
“How unfortunate,” interrupted
Anna-Rose, her eyes on the palms and the sea and the
exquisite distant mountains along the back of the bay,
“to have to be dead on a day like this.”
“It’s not only his missing
the fine weather that makes it unfortunate,”
said Mr. Twist.
“You mean,” said Anna-Rose, “it’s
our missing him.”
“Precisely,” said Mr. Twist.
“Well, we know that,” said Anna-Felicitas
placidly.
“We knew it last night, and
it worried us,” said Anna-Rose. “Then
we went to sleep and it didn’t worry us.
And this morning it still doesn’t.”
“No,” said Mr. Twist dryly.
“You don’t look particularly worried, I
must say.”
“No,” said Anna-Felicitas,
“we’re not. People who find they’ve
got to heaven aren’t usually worried, are they.”
“And having got to heaven,”
said Anna-Rose, “we’ve thought of a plan
to enable us to stay in it.”
“Oh have you,” said Mr. Twist, pricking
up his ears.
“The plan seemed to think of
us rather than we of it,” explained Anna-Felicitas.
“It came and inserted itself, as it were, into
our minds while we were dressing.”
“Well, I’ve thought of
a plan too,” said Mr. Twist firmly, feeling sure
that the twins’ plan would be the sort that ought
to be instantly nipped in the bud.
He was therefore greatly astonished
when Anna-Rose said, “Have you? Is it about
schools?”
He stared at her in silence.
“Yes,” he then said slowly, for he was
very much surprised. “It is.”
“So is ours,” said Anna-Rose.
“Indeed,” said Mr. Twist.
“Yes,” said Anna-Felicitas.
“We don’t think much of it, but it will
tide us over.”
“Exactly,” said Mr. Twist,
still more astonished at this perfect harmony of ideas.
“Tide us over till Mrs. Dellogg
is –” began Anna-Rose in her
clear little voice that carried like a flute to all
the tables round them.
Mr. Twist got up quickly. “If
you’ve finished let us go out of doors,”
he said; for he perceived that silence had fallen on
the other tables, and attentiveness to what Anna-Rose
was going to say next.
“Yes. On the sands,” said the twins,
getting up too.
On the sands, however, Mr. Twist soon
discovered that the harmony of ideas was not as complete
as he had supposed; indeed, something very like heated
argument began almost as soon as they were seated on
some rocks round the corner of the shore to the west
of the hotel and they became aware, through conversation,
of the vital difference in the two plans.
The Twinkler plan, which they expounded
at much length and with a profusion of optimistic
detail, was to search for and find a school in the
neighbourhood for the daughters of gentlemen, and go
to it for three months, or six months, or whatever
time Mrs. Dellogg wanted to recover in.
Up to this point the harmony was complete, and Mr. Twist
could only nod approval. Beyond it all was confusion, for it appeared that
the twins didnt dream of entering a school in any capacity except as teachers.
Professors, they said; professors of languages and literatures. They could
speak German, as they pointed out, very much better than most people, and had,
as Mr. Twist had sometimes himself remarked, an extensive vocabulary in English.
They would give lessons in English and German literature. They would be
able to teach quite a lot about Heine, for instance, the whole of whose poetry
they knew by heart and whose sad life in Paris
“It’s no good running
on like that,” interrupted Mr. Twist. “You’re
not old enough.”
Not old enough? The Twinklers,
from their separate rocks, looked at each other in
surprised indignation.
“Not old enough?” repeated
Anna-Rose. “We’re grown up. And
I don’t see how one can be more than grown up.
One either is or isn’t grown up. And there
can be no doubt as to which we are.”
And this the very man who so respectfully
had been holding their chairs for them only a few
minutes before! As if people did things like that
for children.
“You’re not old enough
I say,” said Mr. Twist again, bringing his hand
down with a slap on the rock to emphasize his words.
“Nobody would take you. Why, you’ve
got perambulator faces, the pair of you
“Perambulator ?”
“And what school is going to
want two teachers both teaching the same thing, anyway?”
And he then quickly got out his plan,
and the conversation became so heated that for a time
it was molten.
The Twinklers were shocked by his
plan. More; they were outraged. Go to school?
To a place they had never been to even in their suitable
years? They, two independent grown-ups with L200
in the bank and nobody with any right to stop their
doing anything they wanted to? Go to school now,
like a couple of little suck-a-thumbs?
It was Anna-Rose, very flushed and
bright of eye, who flung this expression at Mr. Twist
from her rock. He might think they had perambulator
faces if he liked they didn’t care,
but they did desire him to bear in mind that if it
hadn’t been for the war they would be now taking
their proper place in society, that they had already
done a course of nursing in a hospital, an activity
not open to any but adults, and that Uncle Arthur
had certainly not given them all that money to fritter
away on paying for belated schooling.
“We would be anachronisms,”
said Anna-Felicitas, winding up the discussion with
a firmness so unusual in her that it showed how completely
she had been stirred.
“Are you aware that we are marriageable?”
inquired Anna-Rose icily.
“And don’t you think it’s
bad enough for us to be aliens and undesirables,”
asked Anna-Felicitas, “without getting chronologically
confused as well?”
Mr. Twist was quiet for a bit.
He couldn’t compete with the Twinklers when
it came to sheer language. He sat hunched on his
rock, his face supported by his two fists, staring
out to sea while the twins watched him indignantly.
School indeed! Then presently he pushed his hat
back and began slowly to rub his ear.
“Well, I’m blest if I
know what to do with you, then,” he said, continuing
to rub his ear and stare out to sea.
The twins opened their mouths simultaneously
at this to protest against any necessity for such
knowledge on his part, but he interrupted them.
“If you don’t mind,” he said, “I’d
like to resume this discussion when you’re both
a little more composed.”
“We’re perfectly composed,” said
Anna-Felicitas.
“Less ruffled, then.”
“We’re quite unruffled,” said Anna-Rose.
“Well, you don’t look
it, and you don’t sound like it. But as
this is important I’d be glad to resume the
discussion, say, to-morrow. I suggest we spend
to-day exploring the neighbourhood and steadying our
minds
“Our minds are perfectly steady, thank you.”
“ and to-morrow we’ll
have another go at this question. I haven’t
told you all my plan yet” Mr. Twist
hadn’t had time to inform them of his wish to
become their guardian, owing to the swiftness with
which he had been engulfed in their indignation, “but
whether you approve of it or not, what is quite certain
is that we can’t stay on at the hotel much longer.”
“Because it’s so dear?”
“Oh, it isn’t so much
that, the proprietor is a friend
of mine, or anyhow he very well might be
“It looks very dear,”
said Anna-Rose, visions of their splendid bedroom
and bathroom rising before her. They too had slept
in silken beds, and the taps in their bathroom they
had judged to be pure gold.
“And it’s because we can’t
afford to be in a dear place spending money,”
said Anna-Felicitas, “that it’s so important
we should find a salaried position in a school without
loss of time.”
“And it’s because we can’t
afford reckless squandering that we ought to start
looking for such a situation at once” said Anna-Rose.
“Not to-day,” said Mr.
Twist firmly, for he wouldn’t give up the hope
of getting them, once they were used to it, to come
round to his plan. “To-day, this one day,
we’ll give ourselves up to enjoyment. It’ll
do us all good. Besides, we don’t often
get to a place like this, do we. And it has taken
some getting to, hasn’t it.”
He rose from his rock and offered
his hand to help them off theirs.
“To-day enjoyment,” he
said, “to-morrow business. I’m crazy,”
he added artfully, “to see what the country
is like away up in those hills.”
And so it was that about five o’clock
that afternoon, having spent the whole day exploring
the charming environs of Acapulco, having
been seen at different periods going over the Old
Mission in tow of a monk who wouldn’t look at
them but kept his eyes carefully fixed on the ground,
sitting on high stools eating strange and enchanting
ices at the shop in the town that has the best ices,
bathing deliciously in the warm sea at the foot of
a cliff along the top of which a great hedge of rose-coloured
geraniums flared against the sky, lunching under a
grove of ilexes on the contents of a basket produced
by Mr. Twist from somewhere in the car he had hired,
wandering afterwards up through eucalyptus woods across
the fields towards the foot of the mountains, they
came about five o’clock, thirsty and thinking
of tea, to a delightful group of flowery cottages
clustering round a restaurant and forming collectively,
as Mr. Twist explained, one of the many American forms
of hotel. “To which,” he said, “people
not living in the cottages can come and have meals
at the restaurant, so we’ll go right in and
have tea.”
And it was just because they couldn’t
get tea any other meal, the proprietress
said, but no teas were served, owing to the Domestic
Help Eight Hours Bill which obliged her to do without
domestics during the afternoon hours that
Anna-Felicitas came by her great idea.