Ursula and Gudrun Brangwen sat one
morning in the window-bay of their father’s
house in Beldover, working and talking. Ursula
was stitching a piece of brightly-coloured embroidery,
and Gudrun was drawing upon a board which she held
on her knee. They were mostly silent, talking
as their thoughts strayed through their minds.
‘Ursula,’ said Gudrun,
‘don’t you really want to get
married?’ Ursula laid her embroidery in her
lap and looked up. Her face was calm and considerate.
‘I don’t know,’ she replied.
‘It depends how you mean.’
Gudrun was slightly taken aback.
She watched her sister for some moments.
‘Well,’ she said, ironically,
’it usually means one thing! But don’t
you think anyhow, you’d be ’
she darkened slightly ’in a better
position than you are in now.’
A shadow came over Ursula’s face.
‘I might,’ she said. ‘But I’m
not sure.’
Again Gudrun paused, slightly irritated.
She wanted to be quite definite.
‘You don’t think one needs
the experience of having been married?’
she asked.
‘Do you think it need be an experience?’
replied Ursula.
‘Bound to be, in some way or
other,’ said Gudrun, coolly. ’Possibly
undesirable, but bound to be an experience of some
sort.’
‘Not really,’ said Ursula.
‘More likely to be the end of experience.’
Gudrun sat very still, to attend to this.
‘Of course,’ she said,
‘there’s that to consider.’
This brought the conversation to a close. Gudrun,
almost angrily, took up her rubber and began to rub
out part of her drawing. Ursula stitched absorbedly.
‘You wouldn’t consider a good offer?’
asked Gudrun.
‘I think I’ve rejected several,’
said Ursula.
‘Really!’ Gudrun
flushed dark ’But anything really
worth while? Have you really?’
‘A thousand a year, and an awfully
nice man. I liked him awfully,’ said Ursula.
‘Really! But weren’t you fearfully
tempted?’
‘In the abstract but not in
the concrete,’ said Ursula. ’When
it comes to the point, one isn’t even tempted oh,
if I were tempted, I’d marry like a shot.
I’m only tempted not to.’ The
faces of both sisters suddenly lit up with amusement.
‘Isn’t it an amazing thing,’
cried Gudrun, ’how strong the temptation is,
not to!’ They both laughed, looking at each other.
In their hearts they were frightened.
There was a long pause, whilst Ursula
stitched and Gudrun went on with her sketch.
The sisters were women, Ursula twenty-six, and Gudrun
twenty-five. But both had the remote, virgin look
of modern girls, sisters of Artemis rather than of
Hebe. Gudrun was very beautiful, passive, soft-skinned,
soft-limbed. She wore a dress of dark-blue silky
stuff, with ruches of blue and green linen lace
in the neck and sleeves; and she had emerald-green
stockings. Her look of confidence and diffidence
contrasted with Ursula’s sensitive expectancy.
The provincial people, intimidated by Gudrun’s
perfect sang-froid and exclusive bareness of manner,
said of her: ‘She is a smart woman.’
She had just come back from London, where she had
spent several years, working at an art-school, as
a student, and living a studio life.
‘I was hoping now for a man
to come along,’ Gudrun said, suddenly catching
her underlip between her teeth, and making a strange
grimace, half sly smiling, half anguish. Ursula
was afraid.
‘So you have come home, expecting
him here?’ she laughed.
‘Oh my dear,’ cried Gudrun,
strident, ’I wouldn’t go out of my way
to look for him. But if there did happen to come
along a highly attractive individual of sufficient
means well ’ she tailed
off ironically. Then she looked searchingly at
Ursula, as if to probe her. ’Don’t
you find yourself getting bored?’ she asked
of her sister. ’Don’t you find, that
things fail to materialise? Nothing materialises!
Everything withers in the bud.’
‘What withers in the bud?’ asked Ursula.
‘Oh, everything oneself things
in general.’ There was a pause, whilst
each sister vaguely considered her fate.
‘It does frighten one,’
said Ursula, and again there was a pause. ’But
do you hope to get anywhere by just marrying?’
‘It seems to be the inevitable
next step,’ said Gudrun. Ursula pondered
this, with a little bitterness. She was a class
mistress herself, in Willey Green Grammar School,
as she had been for some years.
‘I know,’ she said, ’it
seems like that when one thinks in the abstract.
But really imagine it: imagine any man one knows,
imagine him coming home to one every evening, and
saying “Hello,” and giving one a kiss ’
There was a blank pause.
‘Yes,’ said Gudrun, in
a narrowed voice. ’It’s just impossible.
The man makes it impossible.’
‘Of course there’s children ’
said Ursula doubtfully.
Gudrun’s face hardened.
‘Do you really want children,
Ursula?’ she asked coldly. A dazzled, baffled
look came on Ursula’s face.
‘One feels it is still beyond one,’ she
said.
‘Do you feel like that?’
asked Gudrun. ’I get no feeling whatever
from the thought of bearing children.’
Gudrun looked at Ursula with a masklike,
expressionless face. Ursula knitted her brows.
‘Perhaps it isn’t genuine,’
she faltered. ’Perhaps one doesn’t
really want them, in one’s soul only
superficially.’ A hardness came over Gudrun’s
face. She did not want to be too definite.
‘When one thinks of other people’s
children ’ said Ursula.
Again Gudrun looked at her sister, almost hostile.
‘Exactly,’ she said, to close the conversation.
The two sisters worked on in silence,
Ursula having always that strange brightness of an
essential flame that is caught, meshed, contravened.
She lived a good deal by herself, to herself, working,
passing on from day to day, and always thinking, trying
to lay hold on life, to grasp it in her own understanding.
Her active living was suspended, but underneath, in
the darkness, something was coming to pass. If
only she could break through the last integuments!
She seemed to try and put her hands out, like an infant
in the womb, and she could not, not yet. Still
she had a strange prescience, an intimation of something
yet to come.
She laid down her work and looked
at her sister. She thought Gudrun so charming,
so infinitely charming, in her softness and her fine,
exquisite richness of texture and delicacy of line.
There was a certain playfulness about her too, such
a piquancy or ironic suggestion, such an untouched
reserve. Ursula admired her with all her soul.
‘Why did you come home, Prune?’ she asked.
Gudrun knew she was being admired.
She sat back from her drawing and looked at Ursula,
from under her finely-curved lashes.
‘Why did I come back, Ursula?’
she repeated. ’I have asked myself a thousand
times.’
‘And don’t you know?’
’Yes, I think I do. I think
my coming back home was just reculer pour
mieux Sauter.’
And she looked with a long, slow look
of knowledge at Ursula.
‘I know!’ cried Ursula,
looking slightly dazzled and falsified, and as if
she did not know. ‘But where can one
jump to?’
‘Oh, it doesn’t matter,’
said Gudrun, somewhat superbly. ’If one
jumps over the edge, one is bound to land somewhere.’
‘But isn’t it very risky?’ asked
Ursula.
A slow mocking smile dawned on Gudrun’s face.
‘Ah!’ she said laughing.
‘What is it all but words!’ And so again
she closed the conversation. But Ursula was still
brooding.
‘And how do you find home, now you have come
back to it?’ she asked.
Gudrun paused for some moments, coldly,
before answering. Then, in a cold truthful voice,
she said:
‘I find myself completely out of it.’
‘And father?’
Gudrun looked at Ursula, almost with resentment, as
if brought to bay.
‘I haven’t thought about him: I’ve
refrained,’ she said coldly.
‘Yes,’ wavered Ursula;
and the conversation was really at an end. The
sisters found themselves confronted by a void, a terrifying
chasm, as if they had looked over the edge.
They worked on in silence for some
time, Gudrun’s cheek was flushed with repressed
emotion. She resented its having been called into
being.
‘Shall we go out and look at
that wedding?’ she asked at length, in a voice
that was too casual.
‘Yes!’ cried Ursula, too
eagerly, throwing aside her sewing and leaping up,
as if to escape something, thus betraying the tension
of the situation and causing a friction of dislike
to go over Gudrun’s nerves.
As she went upstairs, Ursula was aware
of the house, of her home round about her. And
she loathed it, the sordid, too-familiar place!
She was afraid at the depth of her feeling against
the home, the milieu, the whole atmosphere and condition
of this obsolete life. Her feeling frightened
her.
The two girls were soon walking swiftly
down the main road of Beldover, a wide street, part
shops, part dwelling-houses, utterly formless and
sordid, without poverty. Gudrun, new from her
life in Chelsea and Sussex, shrank cruelly from this
amorphous ugliness of a small colliery town in the
Midlands. Yet forward she went, through the whole
sordid gamut of pettiness, the long amorphous, gritty
street. She was exposed to every stare, she passed
on through a stretch of torment. It was strange
that she should have chosen to come back and test the
full effect of this shapeless, barren ugliness upon
herself. Why had she wanted to submit herself
to it, did she still want to submit herself to it,
the insufferable torture of these ugly, meaningless
people, this defaced countryside? She felt like
a beetle toiling in the dust. She was filled
with repulsion.
They turned off the main road, past
a black patch of common-garden, where sooty cabbage
stumps stood shameless. No one thought to be
ashamed. No one was ashamed of it all.
‘It is like a country in an
underworld,’ said Gudrun. ’The colliers
bring it above-ground with them, shovel it up.
Ursula, it’s marvellous, it’s really marvellous it’s
really wonderful, another world. The people are
all ghouls, and everything is ghostly. Everything
is a ghoulish replica of the real world, a replica,
a ghoul, all soiled, everything sordid. It’s
like being mad, Ursula.’
The sisters were crossing a black
path through a dark, soiled field. On the left
was a large landscape, a valley with collieries, and
opposite hills with cornfields and woods, all blackened
with distance, as if seen through a veil of crape.
White and black smoke rose up in steady columns, magic
within the dark air. Near at hand came the long
rows of dwellings, approaching curved up the hill-slope,
in straight lines along the brow of the hill.
They were of darkened red brick, brittle, with dark
slate roofs. The path on which the sisters walked
was black, trodden-in by the feet of the recurrent
colliers, and bounded from the field by iron
fences; the stile that led again into the road was
rubbed shiny by the moleskins of the passing miners.
Now the two girls were going between some rows of
dwellings, of the poorer sort. Women, their arms
folded over their coarse aprons, standing gossiping
at the end of their block, stared after the Brangwen
sisters with that long, unwearying stare of aborigines;
children called out names.
Gudrun went on her way half dazed.
If this were human life, if these were human beings,
living in a complete world, then what was her own
world, outside? She was aware of her grass-green
stockings, her large grass-green velour hat, her full
soft coat, of a strong blue colour. And she felt
as if she were treading in the air, quite unstable,
her heart was contracted, as if at any minute she
might be precipitated to the ground. She was
afraid.
She clung to Ursula, who, through
long usage was inured to this violation of a dark,
uncreated, hostile world. But all the time her
heart was crying, as if in the midst of some ordeal:
’I want to go back, I want to go away, I want
not to know it, not to know that this exists.’
Yet she must go forward.
Ursula could feel her suffering.
‘You hate this, don’t you?’ she
asked.
‘It bewilders me,’ stammered Gudrun.
‘You won’t stay long,’ replied Ursula.
And Gudrun went along, grasping at release.
They drew away from the colliery region,
over the curve of the hill, into the purer country
of the other side, towards Willey Green. Still
the faint glamour of blackness persisted over the fields
and the wooded hills, and seemed darkly to gleam in
the air. It was a spring day, chill, with snatches
of sunshine. Yellow celandines showed out from
the hedge-bottoms, and in the cottage gardens of Willey
Green, currant-bushes were breaking into leaf, and
little flowers were coming white on the grey alyssum
that hung over the stone walls.
Turning, they passed down the high-road,
that went between high banks towards the church.
There, in the lowest bend of the road, low under the
trees, stood a little group of expectant people, waiting
to see the wedding. The daughter of the chief
mine-owner of the district, Thomas Crich, was getting
married to a naval officer.
‘Let us go back,’ said
Gudrun, swerving away. ’There are all those
people.’
And she hung wavering in the road.
‘Never mind them,’ said
Ursula, ’they’re all right. They all
know me, they don’t matter.’
‘But must we go through them?’ asked Gudrun.
‘They’re quite all right,
really,’ said Ursula, going forward. And
together the two sisters approached the group of uneasy,
watchful common people. They were chiefly women,
colliers’ wives of the more shiftless sort.
They had watchful, underworld faces.
The two sisters held themselves tense,
and went straight towards the gate. The women
made way for them, but barely sufficient, as if grudging
to yield ground. The sisters passed in silence
through the stone gateway and up the steps, on the
red carpet, a policeman estimating their progress.
‘What price the stockings!’
said a voice at the back of Gudrun. A sudden
fierce anger swept over the girl, violent and murderous.
She would have liked them all annihilated, cleared
away, so that the world was left clear for her.
How she hated walking up the churchyard path, along
the red carpet, continuing in motion, in their sight.
‘I won’t go into the church,’
she said suddenly, with such final decision that Ursula
immediately halted, turned round, and branched off
up a small side path which led to the little private
gate of the Grammar School, whose grounds adjoined
those of the church.
Just inside the gate of the school
shrubbery, outside the churchyard, Ursula sat down
for a moment on the low stone wall under the laurel
bushes, to rest. Behind her, the large red building
of the school rose up peacefully, the windows all
open for the holiday. Over the shrubs, before
her, were the pale roofs and tower of the old church.
The sisters were hidden by the foliage.
Gudrun sat down in silence. Her
mouth was shut close, her face averted. She was
regretting bitterly that she had ever come back.
Ursula looked at her, and thought how amazingly beautiful
she was, flushed with discomfiture. But she caused
a constraint over Ursula’s nature, a certain
weariness. Ursula wished to be alone, freed from
the tightness, the enclosure of Gudrun’s presence.
‘Are we going to stay here?’ asked Gudrun.
‘I was only resting a minute,’
said Ursula, getting up as if rebuked. ’We
will stand in the corner by the fives-court, we shall
see everything from there.’
For the moment, the sunshine fell
brightly into the churchyard, there was a vague scent
of sap and of spring, perhaps of violets from off the
graves. Some white daisies were out, bright as
angels. In the air, the unfolding leaves of a
copper-beech were blood-red.
Punctually at eleven o’clock,
the carriages began to arrive. There was a stir
in the crowd at the gate, a concentration as a carriage
drove up, wedding guests were mounting up the steps
and passing along the red carpet to the church.
They were all gay and excited because the sun was
shining.
Gudrun watched them closely, with
objective curiosity. She saw each one as a complete
figure, like a character in a book, or a subject in
a picture, or a marionette in a theatre, a finished
creation. She loved to recognise their various
characteristics, to place them in their true light,
give them their own surroundings, settle them for ever
as they passed before her along the path to the church.
She knew them, they were finished, sealed and stamped
and finished with, for her. There was none that
had anything unknown, unresolved, until the Criches
themselves began to appear. Then her interest
was piqued. Here was something not quite so preconcluded.
There came the mother, Mrs Crich,
with her eldest son Gerald. She was a queer unkempt
figure, in spite of the attempts that had obviously
been made to bring her into line for the day.
Her face was pale, yellowish, with a clear, transparent
skin, she leaned forward rather, her features were
strongly marked, handsome, with a tense, unseeing,
predative look. Her colourless hair was untidy,
wisps floating down on to her sac coat of dark blue
silk, from under her blue silk hat. She looked
like a woman with a monomania, furtive almost, but
heavily proud.
Her son was of a fair, sun-tanned
type, rather above middle height, well-made, and almost
exaggeratedly well-dressed. But about him also
was the strange, guarded look, the unconscious glisten,
as if he did not belong to the same creation as the
people about him. Gudrun lighted on him at once.
There was something northern about him that magnetised
her. In his clear northern flesh and his fair
hair was a glisten like sunshine refracted through
crystals of ice. And he looked so new, unbroached,
pure as an arctic thing. Perhaps he was thirty
years old, perhaps more. His gleaming beauty,
maleness, like a young, good-humoured, smiling wolf,
did not blind her to the significant, sinister stillness
in his bearing, the lurking danger of his unsubdued
temper. ‘His totem is the wolf,’ she
repeated to herself. ’His mother is an
old, unbroken wolf.’ And then she experienced
a keen paroxyism, a transport, as if she had made
some incredible discovery, known to nobody else on
earth. A strange transport took possession of
her, all her veins were in a paroxysm of violent sensation.
‘Good God!’ she exclaimed to herself,
‘what is this?’ And then, a moment after,
she was saying assuredly, ‘I shall know more
of that man.’ She was tortured with desire
to see him again, a nostalgia, a necessity to see him
again, to make sure it was not all a mistake, that
she was not deluding herself, that she really felt
this strange and overwhelming sensation on his account,
this knowledge of him in her essence, this powerful
apprehension of him. ’Am I really singled
out for him in some way, is there really some pale
gold, arctic light that envelopes only us two?’
she asked herself. And she could not believe it,
she remained in a muse, scarcely conscious of what
was going on around.
The bridesmaids were here, and yet
the bridegroom had not come. Ursula wondered
if something was amiss, and if the wedding would yet
all go wrong. She felt troubled, as if it rested
upon her. The chief bridesmaids had arrived.
Ursula watched them come up the steps. One of
them she knew, a tall, slow, reluctant woman with a
weight of fair hair and a pale, long face. This
was Hermione Roddice, a friend of the Criches.
Now she came along, with her head held up, balancing
an enormous flat hat of pale yellow velvet, on which
were streaks of ostrich feathers, natural and grey.
She drifted forward as if scarcely conscious, her
long blanched face lifted up, not to see the world.
She was rich. She wore a dress of silky, frail
velvet, of pale yellow colour, and she carried a lot
of small rose-coloured cyclamens. Her shoes
and stockings were of brownish grey, like the feathers
on her hat, her hair was heavy, she drifted along
with a peculiar fixity of the hips, a strange unwilling
motion. She was impressive, in her lovely pale-yellow
and brownish-rose, yet macabre, something repulsive.
People were silent when she passed, impressed, roused,
wanting to jeer, yet for some reason silenced.
Her long, pale face, that she carried lifted up, somewhat
in the Rossetti fashion, seemed almost drugged, as
if a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness
within her, and she was never allowed to escape.
Ursula watched her with fascination.
She knew her a little. She was the most remarkable
woman in the Midlands. Her father was a Derbyshire
Baronet of the old school, she was a woman of the new
school, full of intellectuality, and heavy, nerve-worn
with consciousness. She was passionately interested
in reform, her soul was given up to the public cause.
But she was a man’s woman, it was the manly world
that held her.
She had various intimacies of mind
and soul with various men of capacity. Ursula
knew, among these men, only Rupert Birkin, who was
one of the school-inspectors of the county. But
Gudrun had met others, in London. Moving with
her artist friends in different kinds of society,
Gudrun had already come to know a good many people
of repute and standing. She had met Hermione
twice, but they did not take to each other. It
would be queer to meet again down here in the Midlands,
where their social standing was so diverse, after
they had known each other on terms of equality in
the houses of sundry acquaintances in town. For
Gudrun had been a social success, and had her friends
among the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with
the arts.
Hermione knew herself to be well-dressed;
she knew herself to be the social equal, if not far
the superior, of anyone she was likely to meet in
Willey Green. She knew she was accepted in the
world of culture and of intellect. She was a
KULTURTRAGER, a medium for the culture of ideas.
With all that was highest, whether in society or in
thought or in public action, or even in art, she was
at one, she moved among the foremost, at home with
them. No one could put her down, no one could
make mock of her, because she stood among the first,
and those that were against her were below her, either
in rank, or in wealth, or in high association of thought
and progress and understanding. So, she was invulnerable.
All her life, she had sought to make herself invulnerable,
unassailable, beyond reach of the world’s judgment.
And yet her soul was tortured, exposed.
Even walking up the path to the church, confident
as she was that in every respect she stood beyond all
vulgar judgment, knowing perfectly that her appearance
was complete and perfect, according to the first standards,
yet she suffered a torture, under her confidence and
her pride, feeling herself exposed to wounds and to
mockery and to despite. She always felt vulnerable,
vulnerable, there was always a secret chink in her
armour. She did not know herself what it was.
It was a lack of robust self, she had no natural sufficiency,
there was a terrible void, a lack, a deficiency of
being within her.
And she wanted someone to close up
this deficiency, to close it up for ever. She
craved for Rupert Birkin. When he was there, she
felt complete, she was sufficient, whole. For
the rest of time she was established on the sand,
built over a chasm, and, in spite of all her vanity
and securities, any common maid-servant of positive,
robust temper could fling her down this bottomless
pit of insufficiency, by the slightest movement of
jeering or contempt. And all the while the pensive,
tortured woman piled up her own defences of aesthetic
knowledge, and culture, and world-visions, and disinterestedness.
Yet she could never stop up the terrible gap of insufficiency.
If only Birkin would form a close
and abiding connection with her, she would be safe
during this fretful voyage of life. He could make
her sound and triumphant, triumphant over the very
angels of heaven. If only he would do it!
But she was tortured with fear, with misgiving.
She made herself beautiful, she strove so hard to come
to that degree of beauty and advantage, when he should
be convinced. But always there was a deficiency.
He was perverse too. He fought
her off, he always fought her off. The more she
strove to bring him to her, the more he battled her
back. And they had been lovers now, for years.
Oh, it was so wearying, so aching; she was so tired.
But still she believed in herself. She knew he
was trying to leave her. She knew he was trying
to break away from her finally, to be free. But
still she believed in her strength to keep him, she
believed in her own higher knowledge. His own
knowledge was high, she was the central touchstone
of truth. She only needed his conjunction with
her.
And this, this conjunction with her,
which was his highest fulfilment also, with the perverseness
of a wilful child he wanted to deny. With the
wilfulness of an obstinate child, he wanted to break
the holy connection that was between them.
He would be at this wedding; he was
to be groom’s man. He would be in the church,
waiting. He would know when she came. She
shuddered with nervous apprehension and desire as
she went through the church-door. He would be
there, surely he would see how beautiful her dress
was, surely he would see how she had made herself
beautiful for him. He would understand, he would
be able to see how she was made for him, the first,
how she was, for him, the highest. Surely at last
he would be able to accept his highest fate, he would
not deny her.
In a little convulsion of too-tired
yearning, she entered the church and looked slowly
along her cheeks for him, her slender body convulsed
with agitation. As best man, he would be standing
beside the altar. She looked slowly, deferring
in her certainty.
And then, he was not there. A
terrible storm came over her, as if she were drowning.
She was possessed by a devastating hopelessness.
And she approached mechanically to the altar.
Never had she known such a pang of utter and final
hopelessness. It was beyond death, so utterly
null, desert.
The bridegroom and the groom’s
man had not yet come. There was a growing consternation
outside. Ursula felt almost responsible.
She could not bear it that the bride should arrive,
and no groom. The wedding must not be a fiasco,
it must not.
But here was the bride’s carriage,
adorned with ribbons and cockades. Gaily the
grey horses curvetted to their destination at the
church-gate, a laughter in the whole movement.
Here was the quick of all laughter and pleasure.
The door of the carriage was thrown open, to let out
the very blossom of the day. The people on the
roadway murmured faintly with the discontented murmuring
of a crowd.
The father stepped out first into
the air of the morning, like a shadow. He was
a tall, thin, careworn man, with a thin black beard
that was touched with grey. He waited at the
door of the carriage patiently, self-obliterated.
In the opening of the doorway was
a shower of fine foliage and flowers, a whiteness
of satin and lace, and a sound of a gay voice saying:
‘How do I get out?’
A ripple of satisfaction ran through
the expectant people. They pressed near to receive
her, looking with zest at the stooping blond head with
its flower buds, and at the delicate, white, tentative
foot that was reaching down to the step of the carriage.
There was a sudden foaming rush, and the bride like
a sudden surf-rush, floating all white beside her
father in the morning shadow of trees, her veil flowing
with laughter.
‘That’s done it!’ she said.
She put her hand on the arm of her
care-worn, sallow father, and frothing her light draperies,
proceeded over the eternal red carpet. Her father,
mute and yellowish, his black beard making him look
more careworn, mounted the steps stiffly, as if his
spirit were absent; but the laughing mist of the bride
went along with him undiminished.
And no bridegroom had arrived!
It was intolerable for her. Ursula, her heart
strained with anxiety, was watching the hill beyond;
the white, descending road, that should give sight
of him. There was a carriage. It was running.
It had just come into sight. Yes, it was he.
Ursula turned towards the bride and the people, and,
from her place of vantage, gave an inarticulate cry.
She wanted to warn them that he was coming. But
her cry was inarticulate and inaudible, and she flushed
deeply, between her desire and her wincing confusion.
The carriage rattled down the hill,
and drew near. There was a shout from the people.
The bride, who had just reached the top of the steps,
turned round gaily to see what was the commotion.
She saw a confusion among the people, a cab pulling
up, and her lover dropping out of the carriage, and
dodging among the horses and into the crowd.
‘Tibs! Tibs!’ she
cried in her sudden, mocking excitement, standing
high on the path in the sunlight and waving her bouquet.
He, dodging with his hat in his hand, had not heard.
‘Tibs!’ she cried again, looking down
to him.
He glanced up, unaware, and saw the
bride and her father standing on the path above him.
A queer, startled look went over his face. He
hesitated for a moment. Then he gathered himself
together for a leap, to overtake her.
‘Ah-h-h!’ came her strange,
intaken cry, as, on the reflex, she started, turned
and fled, scudding with an unthinkable swift beating
of her white feet and fraying of her white garments,
towards the church. Like a hound the young man
was after her, leaping the steps and swinging past
her father, his supple haunches working like those
of a hound that bears down on the quarry.
‘Ay, after her!’ cried
the vulgar women below, carried suddenly into the
sport.
She, her flowers shaken from her like
froth, was steadying herself to turn the angle of
the church. She glanced behind, and with a wild
cry of laughter and challenge, veered, poised, and
was gone beyond the grey stone buttress. In another
instant the bridegroom, bent forward as he ran, had
caught the angle of the silent stone with his hand,
and had swung himself out of sight, his supple, strong
loins vanishing in pursuit.
Instantly cries and exclamations of
excitement burst from the crowd at the gate.
And then Ursula noticed again the dark, rather stooping
figure of Mr Crich, waiting suspended on the path,
watching with expressionless face the flight to the
church. It was over, and he turned round to look
behind him, at the figure of Rupert Birkin, who at
once came forward and joined him.
‘We’ll bring up the rear,’
said Birkin, a faint smile on his face.
‘Ay!’ replied the father
laconically. And the two men turned together
up the path.
Birkin was as thin as Mr Crich, pale
and ill-looking. His figure was narrow but nicely
made. He went with a slight trail of one foot,
which came only from self-consciousness. Although
he was dressed correctly for his part, yet there was
an innate incongruity which caused a slight ridiculousness
in his appearance. His nature was clever and separate,
he did not fit at all in the conventional occasion.
Yet he subordinated himself to the common idea, travestied
himself.
He affected to be quite ordinary,
perfectly and marvellously commonplace. And he
did it so well, taking the tone of his surroundings,
adjusting himself quickly to his interlocutor and his
circumstance, that he achieved a verisimilitude of
ordinary commonplaceness that usually propitiated
his onlookers for the moment, disarmed them from attacking
his singleness.
Now he spoke quite easily and pleasantly
to Mr Crich, as they walked along the path; he played
with situations like a man on a tight-rope: but
always on a tight-rope, pretending nothing but ease.
‘I’m sorry we are so late,’
he was saying. ’We couldn’t find a
button-hook, so it took us a long time to button our
boots. But you were to the moment.’
‘We are usually to time,’ said Mr Crich.
‘And I’m always late,’
said Birkin. ’But today I was really
punctual, only accidentally not so. I’m
sorry.’
The two men were gone, there was nothing
more to see, for the time. Ursula was left thinking
about Birkin. He piqued her, attracted her, and
annoyed her.
She wanted to know him more.
She had spoken with him once or twice, but only in
his official capacity as inspector. She thought
he seemed to acknowledge some kinship between her
and him, a natural, tacit understanding, a using of
the same language. But there had been no time
for the understanding to develop. And something
kept her from him, as well as attracted her to him.
There was a certain hostility, a hidden ultimate reserve
in him, cold and inaccessible.
Yet she wanted to know him.
‘What do you think of Rupert
Birkin?’ she asked, a little reluctantly, of
Gudrun. She did not want to discuss him.
‘What do I think of Rupert Birkin?’
repeated Gudrun. ’I think he’s attractive decidedly
attractive. What I can’t stand about him
is his way with other people his way of
treating any little fool as if she were his greatest
consideration. One feels so awfully sold, oneself.’
‘Why does he do it?’ said Ursula.
‘Because he has no real critical
faculty of people, at all events,’
said Gudrun. ’I tell you, he treats any
little fool as he treats me or you and
it’s such an insult.’
‘Oh, it is,’ said Ursula. ‘One
must discriminate.’
‘One must discriminate,’
repeated Gudrun. ’But he’s a wonderful
chap, in other respects a marvellous personality.
But you can’t trust him.’
‘Yes,’ said Ursula vaguely.
She was always forced to assent to Gudrun’s
pronouncements, even when she was not in accord altogether.
The sisters sat silent, waiting for
the wedding party to come out. Gudrun was impatient
of talk. She wanted to think about Gerald Crich.
She wanted to see if the strong feeling she had got
from him was real. She wanted to have herself
ready.
Inside the church, the wedding was
going on. Hermione Roddice was thinking only
of Birkin. He stood near her. She seemed
to gravitate physically towards him. She wanted
to stand touching him. She could hardly be sure
he was near her, if she did not touch him. Yet
she stood subjected through the wedding service.
She had suffered so bitterly when
he did not come, that still she was dazed. Still
she was gnawed as by a neuralgia, tormented by his
potential absence from her. She had awaited him
in a faint delirium of nervous torture. As she
stood bearing herself pensively, the rapt look on
her face, that seemed spiritual, like the angels, but
which came from torture, gave her a certain poignancy
that tore his heart with pity. He saw her bowed
head, her rapt face, the face of an almost demoniacal
ecstatic. Feeling him looking, she lifted her
face and sought his eyes, her own beautiful grey eyes
flaring him a great signal. But he avoided her
look, she sank her head in torment and shame, the
gnawing at her heart going on. And he too was
tortured with shame, and ultimate dislike, and with
acute pity for her, because he did not want to meet
her eyes, he did not want to receive her flare of
recognition.
The bride and bridegroom were married,
the party went into the vestry. Hermione crowded
involuntarily up against Birkin, to touch him.
And he endured it.
Outside, Gudrun and Ursula listened
for their father’s playing on the organ.
He would enjoy playing a wedding march. Now the
married pair were coming! The bells were ringing,
making the air shake. Ursula wondered if the
trees and the flowers could feel the vibration, and
what they thought of it, this strange motion in the
air. The bride was quite demure on the arm of
the bridegroom, who stared up into the sky before
him, shutting and opening his eyes unconsciously, as
if he were neither here nor there. He looked
rather comical, blinking and trying to be in the scene,
when emotionally he was violated by his exposure to
a crowd. He looked a typical naval officer, manly,
and up to his duty.
Birkin came with Hermione. She
had a rapt, triumphant look, like the fallen angels
restored, yet still subtly demoniacal, now she held
Birkin by the arm. And he was expressionless,
neutralised, possessed by her as if it were his fate,
without question.
Gerald Crich came, fair, good-looking,
healthy, with a great reserve of energy. He was
erect and complete, there was a strange stealth glistening
through his amiable, almost happy appearance.
Gudrun rose sharply and went away. She could
not bear it. She wanted to be alone, to know
this strange, sharp inoculation that had changed the
whole temper of her blood.