CONSTANCE MAKES A DISCOVERY THAT TOUCHES
AND ENLIGHTENS HER AS TO GODOLPHIN’S NATURE. AN
EVENT, ALTHOUGH IN PRIVATE LIFE, NOT WITHOUT ITS INTEREST.
If Constance most bitterly reproached
herself, or rather her slackened nerves, her breaking
health, that she had before another that
other too, not of her own sex betrayed
her dependence upon even her husband’s heart
for happiness; if her conscience instantly took alarm
at the error (and it was indeed a grave one) which
had revealed to any man her domestic griefs; yet,
on the other hand, she could not control the wild
thrill of delight with which she recalled those words
that had so solemnly assured her she was still beloved
by Godolphin. She had a firm respect in Radclyffe’s
penetration and his sincerity, and knew that he was
one neither to deceive her nor be deceived himself.
His advice, too, came home to her. Had she, indeed,
with sufficient address, sufficient softness, insinuated
herself into Godolphin’s nature? Neglected
herself, had she not neglected in return? She
asked herself this question, and was never weary of
examining her past conduct. That Radclyffe, the
austere and chilling Radclyffe, entertained for her
any feeling warmer than friendship, she never for
an instant suspected; that suspicion alone would have
driven him from her presence for ever. And although
there had been a time, in his bright and exulting youth,
when Radclyffe had not been without those arts which
win, in the opposite sex, affection from aversion
itself, those arts doubled, ay, a hundredfold, in
their fascination, would not have availed him with
the pure but disappointed Constance, even had a sense
of right and wrong very different from the standard
he now acknowledged permitted him to exert them.
So that his was rather the sacrifice of impulse, than
of any triumph that impulse could afterwards have
gained him.
Many, and soft and sweet were now
the recollections of Constance. Her heart flew
back to her early love among the shades of Wendover;
to the first confession of the fair enthusiastic boy,
when he offered at her shrine a mind, a genius, a
heart capable of fruits which the indolence of after-life,
and the lethargy of disappointed hope, had blighted
before their time.
If he was now so deaf to what she
considered the nobler, because more stirring, excitements
of life, was she not in some measure answerable for
the supineness? Had there not been a day in which
he had vowed to toil, to labour, to sacrifice the
very character of his mind, for a union with her?
Was she, after all, was she right to adhere so rigidly
to her father’s dying words, and to that vow
afterwards confirmed by her own pride and bitterness
of soul? She looked to her father’s portrait
for an answer; and that daring and eloquent face seemed,
for the first time, cold and unanswering to her appeal.
In such meditations the hours passed,
and midnight came on without Constance having quitted
her apartment. She now summoned her woman, and
inquired if Godolphin was at home. He had come
in about an hour since, and, complaining of fatigue,
had retired to rest. Constance again dismissed
her maid, and stole to his apartment. He was already
asleep, his cheek rested on his arm, and his hair
fell wildly over a brow that now worked under the
influence of his dreams. Constance put the light
softly down, and seating herself beside him, watched
over a sleep which, if it had come suddenly on him,
was not the less unquiet and disturbed. At length
he muttered, “Yes, Lucilla, yes; I tell you,
you are avenged. I have not forgotten you!
I have not forgotten that I betrayed, deserted you!
but was it my fault? No, no! Yet I have not
the less sought to forget it. These poor excesses, these
chilling gaieties, were they not incurred
for you? and now you come you ah,
no spare me!”
Shocked and startled, Constance drew
back. Here was a new key to Godolphin’s
present life, his dissipation, his thirst for pleasure.
Had he indeed sought to lull the stings of conscience?
And she, instead of soothing, of reconciling him to
the past, had she left him alone to struggle with
bitter and unresting thoughts, and to contrast the
devotion of the one lost with the indifference of the
one gained? She crept back to her own chamber,
to commune with her heart and be still.
“My dear Percy,” said
she, the next day, when he carelessly sauntered into
her boudoir before he rode out, “I have a favour
to ask of you.”
“Who ever denied a favour to Lady Erpingham?”
“Not you, certainly; but my favour is a great
one.”
“It is granted.”
“Let us pass the summer in shire.”
Godolphin’s brow clouded.
“At Wendover Castle?” said he, after a
pause.
“We have never been there since our marriage,”
said Constance evasively.
“Humph! as you will.”
“It was the place,” said
Constance, “where you, Percy, first told me you
loved!”
The tone of his wife’s voice
struck on the right chord in Godolphin’s breast;
he looked up, and saw her eyes full of tears and fixed
upon him.
“Why, Constance,” said
he, much affected, “who would have thought that
you still cherished that remembrance?”
“Ah! when shall I forget it?” said Constance;
“then you loved me!”
“And was rejected.”
“Hush! but I believe now that I was wrong.”
“No, Constance; you were wrong,
for your own happiness, that the rejection was not
renewed.”
“Percy!”
“Constance!” and in the
accent of that last word there was something that
encouraged Constance, and she threw herself into Godolphin’s
arms, and murmured:
“If I have offended, forgive
me; let us be to each other what we once were.”
Words like these from the lips of
one in whom such tender supplications, such
feminine yearnings, were not common, subdued Godolphin
at once. He folded her in his arms, and kissing
her passionately, whispered, “Be always thus,
Constance, and you will be more to me than ever.”