Tom Watterly’s horse was the
pride of his heart. It was a bobtailed, rawboned
animal, but, as Tom complacently remarked to Alida,
"He can pass about anything on the road" a
boast that he let no chance escape of verifying.
It was a terrible ordeal to the poor woman to go dashing
through the streets in an open wagon, feeling that
every eye was upon her. With head bowed down,
she employed her failing strength in holding herself
from falling out, yet almost wishing that she might
be dashed against some object that would end her wretched
life. It finally occurred to Tom that the woman
at his side might not, after her recent experience,
share in his enthusiasm, and he pulled up remarking,
with a rough effort at sympathy, "It’s
a cussed shame you’ve been treated so, and as
soon as you’re ready, I’ll help you get
even with the scamp."
"I’m not well, sir,"
said Alida humbly. "I only ask for a quiet
place where I can rest till strong enough to do some
kind of work."
"Well, well," said Tom
kindly, "don’t lose heart. We’ll
do the best by you we can. That aint saying
very much, though, for we’re full and running
over."
He soon drew rein at the poorhouse
door and sprang out. "I I feel
strange," Alida gasped.
Tom caught the fainting woman in his
arms and shouted, "Here, Bill, Joe! You
lazy loons, where are you?"
Three or four half wrecks of men shuffled
to his assistance, and together they bore the unconscious
woman to the room which was used as a sort of hospital.
Some old crones gathered around with such restoratives
as they had at command. Gradually the stricken
woman revived, but as the whole miserable truth came
back, she turned her face to the wall with a sinking
of heart akin to despair. At last, from sheer
exhaustion, feverish sleep ensued, from which she often
started with moans and low cries. One impression
haunted her she was falling, ever falling
into a dark, bottomless abyss.
Hours passed in the same partial stupor,
filled with phantoms and horrible dreams. Toward
evening, she aroused herself mechanically to take
the broth Mrs. Watterly ordered her to swallow, then
relapsed into the same lethargy. Late in the
night, she became conscious that someone was kneeling
at her bedside and fondling her. She started
up with a slight cry.
"Don’t be afraid; it’s
only me, dear," said a quavering voice.
In the dim rays of a night lamp, Alida
saw an old woman with gray hair falling about her
face and on her night robe. At first, in her
confused, feverish impressions, the poor waif was dumb
with superstitious awe, and trembled between joy and
fear. Could her mother have come to comfort
her in her sore extremity?
"Put yer head on me ould withered
breast," said the apparition, "an’
ye’ll know a mither’s heart niver changes.
I’ve been a-lookin’ for ye and expectin’
ye these long, weary years, They said ye wouldn’t
come back that I’d niver find ye
ag’in; but I knowed I wud, and here ye are in
me arms, me darlint. Don’t draw away from
yer ould mither. Don’t ye be afeard or
’shamed loike. No matter what ye’ve
done or where ye’ve been or who ye’ve
been with, a mither’s heart welcomes ye back
jist the same as when yes were a babby an’ slept
on me breast. A mither’s heart ud quench
the fires o’ hell. I’d go inter the
burnin’ flames o’ the pit an’ bear
ye out in me arms. So niver fear. Now that
I’ve found ye, ye’re safe. Ye’ll
not run away from me ag’in. I’ll hould
ye I’ll hould ye back," and
the poor creature clasped Alida with such conclusive
energy that she screamed from pain and terror.
"Ye shall not get away from
me, ye shall not go back to evil ways. Whist,
whist! Be aisy and let me plead wid ye.
Think how many long, weary years I’ve looked
for ye and waited for ye. Niver have I slept
night or day in me watchin’. Ye may be
so stained an’ lost an’ ruined that the
whole wourld will scorn ye, yet not yer mither, not
yer ould mither. Oh, Nora, Nora, why did ye
rin away from me? Wasn’t I koind?
No, no; ye cannot lave me ag’in," and she
threw herself on Alida, whose disordered mind was
tortured by what she heard. Whether or not it
was a more terrible dream than had yet oppressed her,
she scarcely knew, but in the excess of her nervous
horror she sent out a cry that echoed in every part
of the large building. Two old women rushed in
and dragged Alida’s persecutor screaming away.
"That’s allus the
way o’ it," she shrieked. "As
soon as I find me Nora they snatches me and carries
me off, and I have to begin me watchin’ and
waitin’ and lookin’ ag’in."
Alida continued sobbing and trembling
violently. One of the awakened patients sought
to assure her by saying, "Don’t mind it
so, miss. It’s only old crazy Kate.
Her daughter ran away from her years and years ago how
many no one knows and when a young woman’s
brought here she thinks it’s her lost Nora.
They oughtn’t ‘a’ let her get out,
knowin’ you was here."
For several days Alida’s reason
wavered. The nervous shock of her sad experiences
had been so great that it did not seem at all improbable
that she, like the insane mother, might be haunted
for the rest of her life by an overwhelming impression
of something lost. In her morbid, shaken mind
she confounded the wrong she had received with guilt
on her own part. Eventually, she grew calmer
and more sensible. Although her conscience acquitted
her of intentional evil, nothing could remove the
deep-rooted conviction that she was shamed beyond hope
of remedy. For a time she was unable to rally
from nervous prostration; meanwhile, her mind was
preternaturally active, presenting every detail of
the past until she was often ready to cry aloud in
her despair.
Tom Watterly took an unusual interest
in her case and exhorted the visiting physician to
do his best for her. She finally began to improve,
and with the first return of strength sought to do
something with her feeble hands. The bread of
charity was not sweet.
Although the place in which she lodged
was clean, and the coarse, unvarying fare abundant,
she shrank shuddering, with each day’s clearer
consciousness, from the majority of those about her.
Phases of life of which she had scarcely dreamed
were the common topics of conversation. In her
mother she had learned to venerate gray hairs, and
it was an awful shock to learn that so many of the
feeble creatures about her were coarse, wicked, and
evil-disposed. How could their withered lips
frame the words they spoke? How could they dwell
on subjects that were profanation, even to such wrecks
of womanhood as themselves?
Moreover, they persecuted her by their
curiosity. The good material in her apparel
had been examined and commented on; her wedding ring
had been seen and its absence soon noted, for Alida,
after gaining the power to recall the past fully,
had thrown away the metal lie, feeling that it was
the last link in a chain binding her to a loathed and
hated relationship. Learning from their questions
that the inmates of the almshouse did not know her
history, she refused to reveal it, thus awakening
endless surmises. Many histories were made for
her, the beldams vying with each other in constructing
the worst one. Poor Alida soon learned that there
was public opinion even in an almshouse, and that
she was under its ban. In dreary despondency
she thought, "They’ve found out about
me. If such creatures as these think I’m
hardly fit to speak to, how can I ever find work among
good, respectable people?"
Her extreme depression, the coarse,
vulgar, and uncharitable natures by which she was
surrounded, retarded her recovery. By her efforts
to do anything in her power for others she disarmed
the hostility of some of the women, and those that
were more or less demented became fond of her; but
the majority probed her wound by every look and word.
She was a saint compared with any of these, yet they
made her envy their respectability. She often
thought, "Would to God that I was as old and
ready to die as the feeblest woman here, if I could
only hold up my head like her!"
One day a woman who had a child left
it sleeping in its rude wooden cradle and went downstairs.
The babe wakened and began to cry. Alida took
it up and found a strange solace in rocking it to sleep
again upon her breast. At last the mother returned,
glared a moment into Alida’s appealing eyes,
then snatched the child away with the cruel words,
"Don’t ye touch my baby ag’in!
To think it ud been in the arms o’ the loikes
o’ye!"
Alida went away and sobbed until her
strength was gone. She found that there were
some others ostracized like herself, but they accepted
their position as a matter of course as
if it belonged to them and was the least of their
troubles.
Her strength was returning, yet she
was still feeble when she sent for Mrs. Watterly and
asked, "Do you think I’m strong enough
to take a place somewhere?"
"You ought to know that better
than me," was the chilly reply.
"Do you do you think
I could get a place? I would be willing to do
any kind of honest work not beyond my strength."
"You hardly look able to sit
up straight. Better wait till you’re stronger.
I’ll tell my husband. If applications come,
he’ll see about it," and she turned coldly
away.
A day or two later Tom came and said
brusquely, but not unkindly, "Don’t like
my hotel, hey? What can you do?"
"I’m used to sewing, but
I’d try to do almost anything by which I could
earn my living."
"Best thing to do is to prosecute
that scamp and make him pay you a good round sum."
She shook her head decidedly.
"I don’t wish to see him again. I
don’t wish to go before people and have the the past
talked about. I’d like a place with some
kind, quiet people who keep no other help. Perhaps
they wouldn’t take me if they knew; but I would
be so faithful to them, and try so heard to learn
what they wanted
"That’s all nonsense,
their not taking you. I’ll find you a place
some day, but you’re not strong enough yet.
You’d be brought right back here. You’re
as pale as a ghost almost look like one.
So don’t be impatient, but give me a chance
to find you a good place. I feel sorry for you,
and don’t want you to get among folks that have
no feelings. Don’t you worry now; chirk
up, and you’ll come out all right."
"I I think that if if
I’m employed, the people who take me ought to
know," said Alida with bowed head.
"They’ll be blamed fools
if they don’t think more of you when they do
know," was his response. "Still, that
shall be as you please. I’ve told only
my wife, and they’ve kept mum at the police station,
so the thing hasn’t got into the papers."
Alida’s head bowed lower still
as she replied, "I thank you. My only
wish now is to find some quiet place in which I can
work and be left to myself."
"Very well," said Tom
good-naturedly. "Cheer up! I’ll
be on the lookout for you."
She turned to the window near which
she was sitting to hide the tears which his rough
kindness evoked. "He don’t seem to
shrink from me as if I wasn’t fit to be spoken
to," she thought; "but his wife did.
I’m afraid people won’t take me when
they know."
The April sunshine poured in at the
window; the grass was becoming green; a robin alighted
on a tree nearby and poured out a jubilant song.
For a few moments hope, that had been almost dead
in her heart, revived. As she looked gratefully
at the bird, thanking it in her heart for the song,
it darted upon a string hanging on an adjacent spray
and bore it to a crotch between two boughs. Then
Alida saw it was building a nest. Her woman’s
heart gave way. "Oh," she moaned,
"I shall never have a home again! No place
shared by one who cares for me. To work, and
to be tolerated for the sake of my work, is all that’s
left."