In the bleak little graveyard of Hattie
Bertch’s dead hopes, dead loves, and dead ecstasies,
more than one headstone had long since begun to sag
and the wreaths of bleeding heart to shrivel.
That was good, because the grave that
is kept bubbly with tears is a tender, quivering thing,
almost like an amputated bit of self that still aches
with threads of life.
Even over the mound of her dead ambitions,
which grave she had dug with the fingers of her heart,
Hattie could walk now with unsensitive feet.
It had become dry clay with cracks in it like sardonic
smiles.
Smiles. That was the dreadful
part, because the laugh where there have been tears
is not a nice laugh, and Hattie could sit among the
headstones of her dead dreams now and laugh. But
not horridly. Just drearily.
There was one grave, Heart’s
Desire, that was still a little moist. But it,
too, of late years, had begun to sink in, like an old
mouth with receding gums, as if the very teeth of
a smiling dream had rotted. They had.
Hattie, whose heart’s desire
had once been to play Juliet, played maids now.
Buxom negro ones, with pale palms, white eyes, and
the beat of kettledrums somewhere close to the cuticle
of the balls of her feet.
She was irrevocably down on managers’
and agents’ lists as “comedy black.”
Countless the premiers she had opened to the fleck
of a duster! Hattie came high, as maids go.
One hundred and fifty dollars a week and no road engagements.
She dressed alone. Her part in “Love Me
Long” had been especially written in for the
sake of the peculiar kind of comedy relief she could
bring to it. A light roar of recognition swept
the audience at her entrance. Once in a while,
a handclap. So Hattie, whose heart’s desire
had once been to play Juliet, played maids now.
Buxomly.
And this same Hattie, whose heart’s
desire had once been to kiss Love, but whose lips
were still a little twisted with the taste of clay,
could kiss only Love’s offspring now. But
not bitterly. Thanksgivingly.
Love’s offspring was Marcia.
Sixteen and the color and odor of an ivory fan that
has lain in frangipani. And Hattie could sometimes
poke her tongue into her cheek over this bit of whimsy:
It was her well-paid effort in the
burnt cork that made possible, for instance, the frill
of real lace that lay to the low little neck of Marcia’s
first party dress, as if blown there in sea spume.
Out of the profits of Hattie’s
justly famous Brown Cold Cream Guaranteed
Color-fast Mulatto, Medium, Chocolate, had
come Marcia’s ermine muff and tippet; the enamel
toilet set; the Steinway grand piano; the yearly and
by no means light tuition toll at Miss Harperly’s
Select Day School for Girls.
You get the whimsy of it? For
everything fair that was Marcia, Hattie had brownly
paid for. Liltingly, and with the rill of the
song of thanksgiving in her heart.
That was how Hattie moved through
her time. Hugging this melody of Marcia.
Through the knife-edged nervous evenings in the theater.
Bawlings. Purple lips with loose muscles crawling
under the rouge. Fetidness of scent on stale
bodies. Round faces that could hook into the
look of vultures when the smell of success became as
the smell of red meat. All the petty soiled vanities,
like the disordered boudoir of a cocotte. The
perpetual stink of perfume. Powder on the air
and caking the breathing. Open dressing-room
doors that should have been closed. The smelling
geometry of the make-up box. Curls. Corsets.
Cosmetics. Men in undershirts, grease-painting.
“Gawdalmighty, Tottie, them’s my teddy
bears you’re puttin’ on.” Raw
nerves. Raw emotions. Ego, the actor’s
overtone, abroad everywhere and full of strut.
“Overture!” The wait in the wings.
Dizziness at the pit of the stomach. Audiences
with lean jaws etched into darkness. Jaws that
can smile or crack your bones and eat you. Faces
swimming in the stage ozone and wolfish for cue.
The purple lips
Almost like a frieze stuck on to the
border of each day was Hattie’s life in the
theater. Passementerie.
That was how Hattie treated it.
Especially during those placid years of the phenomenal
New York run of “Love Me Long.” The
outer edge of her reality. The heart of her reality?
Why, the heart of it was the long morning hours in
her own fragrant kitchen over doughnuts boiled in oil
and snowed under in powdered sugar! Cookies that
bit with a snap. Filet of sole boned with fingers
deft at it and served with a merest fluff of tartar
sauce. Marcia ate like that. Preciously.
Pecksniffily. An egg at breakfast a gag to the
sensibilities! So Hattie ate hers in the kitchen,
standing, and tucked the shell out of sight, wrapped
in a lettuce leaf. Beefsteak, for instance, sickened
Marcia, because there was blood in the ooze of its
juices. But Hattie had a sly way of camouflage.
Filet mignon (so strengthening, you see) crushed under
a little millinery of mushrooms and served under glass.
Then when Marcia’s neat little row of neat little
teeth bit in and the munch began behind clean and careful
lips, Hattie’s heart, a regular old bandit for
cunning, beat hoppity, skippity, jump!
Those were her realities. Home.
The new sandwich cutters. Heart shape. Diamond
shape. Spade. The strip of hall carpet newly
discovered to scour like new with brush and soap and
warm water. Epstein’s meat market throws
in free suet. The lamp with the opal-silk shade
for Marcia’s piano. White oilcloth is cleaner
than shelf paper. Dotted Swiss curtains, the
ones in Marcia’s room looped back with pink bows.
Old sashes, pressed out and fringed at the edges.
And if you think that Hattie’s
six rooms and bath and sunny, full-sized kitchen,
on Morningside Heights, were trumped-up ones of the
press agent for the Sunday Supplement, look in.
Any afternoon. Tuesday, say,
and Marcia just home from school. On Tuesday
afternoon of every other week Hattie made her cream,
in a large copper pot that hung under the sink.
Six dozen half-pint jars waiting to be filled with
Brown Cold Cream. One hundred and forty-four jars
a month. Guaranteed Color-fast. Mulatto,
Medium, Chocolate. Labeled. Sealed.
Sold. And demand exceeding the supply. An
ingratiating, expert cream, known the black-faced
world over. It slid into the skin, not sootily,
but illuminating it to winking, African copper.
For instance, Hattie’s make-up cream for Linda
in “Love Me Long” was labeled “Chocolate.”
But it worked in even a truer brown, as if it had come
out of the pigment instead of gone into the pores.
Four hours of stirring it took, adding
with exact minutiae the mysteriously proper proportions
of spermacetti, oil of sweet almonds, white wax But
never mind. Hattie’s dark secret was her
own.
Fourteen years of her black art as
Broadway’s maid de luxe had been her
laboratory. It was almost her boast now remember
the sunken headstones that she had handled
spotlessly every fair young star of the theaters’
last ten years.
It was as mysterious as pigment, her
cream, and as true, and netted her, with occasional
extra batches, an average of two hundred dollars a
month. She enjoyed making it. Singing as
she stirred or rather stirring as she sang, the plenitude
of her figure enveloped in a blue-and-white bungalow
apron with rickrack trimming.
Often Marcia, home from day school,
watched. Propped up in the window frame with
her pet cat, a Persian, with eyes like swimming pools
with painted green bottoms, seated in a perfect circle
in her quiet lap, for all the world in the attitude
of a sardel except for the toothpick through.
Sometimes it almost seemed as if Marcia
did the purring. She could sit like that, motionless,
her very stare seeming to sleep. To Hattie that
stare was beautiful, and in a way it was. As if
two blue little suns were having their high noon.
Sometimes Marcia offered to help,
because toward the end, Hattie’s back could
ache at this process, terribly, the pain knotting itself
into her face when the rotary movement of her stirring
arm began to yank at her nerves.
“Momie, I’ll stir for a while.”
Marcia’s voice was day-schooled.
As clipped, as boxed, and as precise as a hedge.
Neat, too, as neat as the way her clear lips met, and
her teeth, which had a little mannerism of coming
down after each word, biting them off like threads.
They were appealing teeth that had never grown big
or square. Very young corn. To Hattie there
was something about them that reminded her of a tiny
set of Marcia’s doll dishes that she had saved.
Little innocences.
“I don’t mind stirring, dear. I’m
not tired.”
“But your face is all twisted.”
Hattie’s twisted face could
induce in Marcia the same gagged pallor that the egg
in the morning or the red in the beefsteak juices brought
there.
“Go in and play the piano awhile, Marcy, I’ll
be finished soon.”
“Sh-h-h! No. Pussy-kitty’s asleep.”
As the cream grew heavier and its
swirl in the pot slower, Hattie could keep the twist
out of her face only by biting her tongue. She
did, and a little arch of sweat came out in a mustache.
The brown mud of the cream began to
fluff. Hattie rubbed a fleck of it into her freckled
forearm. Yes, Hattie’s arm was freckled,
and so was the bridge of her nose, in a little saddle.
Once there had been a prettiness to the freckles because
they whitened the skin they sprinkled and were little
stars to the moon reddiness of Hattie’s hair.
But the red of the moon had set coldly in Hattie’s
hair now, and the stars were just freckles, and there
was the dreaded ridge of flesh showing above the ridge
of her corsets, and when she leaned forward to stir
her cheeks hung forward like a spaniel’s, not
of fat, but heaviness. Hattie’s arms and
thighs were granite to the touch and to the scales.
Kindly freckled granite. She weighed almost twice
what she looked. Marcia, whose hips were like
lyres, hated the ridge above the corset line and massaged
it. Mab smacking the Himalayas.
After a while, there in the window
frame, Marcia closed her eyes. There was still
the illusion of a purr about her. Probably because,
as her kitten warmed in its circle, its coziness began
to whir mountingly. The September afternoon was
full of drone. The roofs of the city from Hattie’s
kitchen window, which overlooked Morningside Heights,
lay flat as slaps. Tranced, indoor quiet.
Presently Hattie began to tiptoe. The seventy-two
jars were untopped now, in a row on a board over the
built-in washtub. Seventy-two yawning for content.
Squnch! Her enormous spoon into the copper kettle
and flop, gurgle, gooze, softly into the jars.
One two three At the
sixty-eighth, Marcia, without stirring or lifting
her lids, spoke into the sucky silence.
“Momie?”
“Yes, Marcy.”
“You’ll be glad.”
Hattie, pausing at the sixty-eighth, “Why, dear?”
“I came home in Nonie Grosbeck’s
automobile. I’m invited to a dinner dance
October the seventeenth. At their house in Gramercy
Park.”
The words must have gone to Hattie’s
knees, because, dropping a spat of mulatto cold cream
on the linoleum, she sat down weakly on the kitchen
chair that she had painted blue and white to match
the china cereal set on the shelf above it.
“Marcy!”
“And she likes me better than
any girl in school, momie, and I’m to be
her chum from to-day on, and not another girl in school
is invited except Edwina Nelson, because her father’s
on nearly all the same boards of directors with Mr.
Grosbeck, and ”
“Marcia! Marcia! and you
came home from school just as if nothing had happened!
Child, sometimes I think you’re made of ice.”
“Why, I’m glad, momie.”
But that’s what there were,
little ice glints of congealed satisfaction in Marcia’s
eyes.
“Glad,” said Hattie, the
word full of tears. “Why, honey, you don’t
realize it, but this is the beginning! This is
the meaning of my struggle to get you into Miss Harperly’s
school. It wasn’t easy. I’ve
never told you the strings I had to pull.
Conservative people, you see. That’s what
the Grosbecks are, too. Home people. The
kind who can afford to wear dowdy hats and who have
lived in the same house for thirty years.”
“Nome’s mother was born in the house they
live in.”
“Substantial people, who half-sole
their shoes and endow colleges. Taxpayers.
Policyholders. Church members. Oh, Marcia,
those are the safe people!”
“There’s a Grosbeck memorial window in
the Rock Church.”
“I used to be so afraid for
you, Marcy. Afraid you would take to the make-believe
folks. The play people. The theater.
I used to fear for you! The Pullman car.
The furnished room. That going to the hotel room,
alone, nights after the show. You laugh at me
sometimes for just throwing a veil over my face and
coming home black-face. It’s because I’m
too tired, Marcy. Too lonesome for home.
On the road I always used to think of all the families
in the audience. The husbands and wives.
Brides and grooms. Sweethearts. After the
performance they all went to homes. To brownstone
fronts like the Grosbecks’. To cottages.
To flats. With a snack to eat in the refrigerator
or laid out on the dining-room table. Lamps burning
and waiting. Nighties laid out and bedcovers turned
back. And then me. Second-rate
hotels. That walk through the dark downtown streets.
Passing men who address you through closed lips.
The dingy lobby. There’s no applause lasts
long enough, Marcia, to reach over that moment when
you unlock your hotel room and the smell of disinfectant
and unturned mattress comes out to you.”
“Ugh!”
“Oh, keep to the safe people,
Marcia! The unexciting people, maybe, but the
safe home-building ones with old ideals and old hearthstones.”
“Nonie says they have one in
their library that comes from Italy.”
“Hitch your ideal to a hearthstone like that,
Marcia.”
“Nonie goes to riding academy.”
“So shall you.”
“It’s six dollars an hour.”
“I don’t care.”
“Her father’s retired
except for being director in banks. And, momie they
don’t mind, dear about us. Nonie
knows that my father is is separated
and never lived at home with us. She’s broad-minded.
She says just so there’s no scandal, a divorce,
or anything like that. She said it’s vulgar
to cultivate only rich friends. She says she’d
go with me even if she’s forbidden to.”
“Why, Marcy darling, why should she be forbidden?”
“Oh, Nonie’s broadminded.
She says if two people are unsuited they should separate,
quietly, like you and my father. She knows we’re
one of the first old Southern families on my father’s
side. I I’m not trying to make
you talk about it, dear, but but we are aren’t
we?”
“Yes, Marcy.”
“He he was just irresponsible.
That’s not being not nice people,
is it?”
“No, Marcy.”
“Nonie’s not forbidden.
She just meant in case, momie. You see,
with some old families like hers the stage but
Nonie says her father couldn’t even say anything
to that if he wanted to. His own sister went
on the stage once, and they had to hush it up in the
papers.”
“Did you explain to her, Marcy,
that stage life at its best can be full of fine ideals
and truth? Did you make her see how regular your
own little life has been? How little you know
about my work? How away I’ve
kept you? How I won’t even play out-of-town
engagements so we can always be together in our little
home? You must explain all those things to your
friends at Miss Harperly’s. It helps with
steady people.”
“I have, momie, and she’s
going to bring me home every afternoon in their automobile
after we’ve called for her brother Archie at
Columbia Law School.”
“Marcy! the Grosbeck automobile
bringing you home every day!”
“And it’s going to call
for me the night of the party. Nonie’s getting
a lemon taffeta.”
“I’ll get you ivory, with a bit of real
lace!”
“Oh, momie, momie, I can scarcely
wait!”
“What did she say, Marcy, when she asked invited
you?”
“She?”
“Nonie.”
“Why she didn’t
invite me, momie.”
“But you just said ”
“It was her brother Archie invited me.
We called for him at Columbia Law
School, you see. It was he invited me. Of
course Nonie wants me and said
‘Yes’ right after him but it’s
he who wants Nonie and me to be chums.
I He I thought I told you momie.”
Suddenly Marcia’s eyes, almost
with the perpendicular slits of her kitten’s
in them, seemed to swish together like portieres, shutting
Hattie behind them with her.
“Oh my Marcy!”
said Hattie, dimly, after a while, as if from their
depths. “Marcy, dearest!”
“At at Harperly’s,
momie, almost all the popular upper-class girls
wear a a boy’s fraternity
pin.”
“Fraternity pin?”
“It’s the the beginning of
being engaged.”
“But, Marcy ”
“Archie’s a Pi Phi!”
“A what?”
“A Pi Phi.”
“Phi pie Marcy dear ”
On October 17th “Love Me Long”
celebrated its two-hundredth performance. Souvenir
programs. A few appropriate words by the management.
A flashlight of the cast. A round of wine passed
in the after-the-performance gloom of the wings.
Aqueous figures fading off in the orderly back-stage
fashion of a well-established success.
Hattie kissed the star. They
liked each other with the unenvy of their divergent
roles. Miss Robinson even humored some of Hattie’s
laughs. She liked to feel the flame of her own
fairness as she stood there waiting for the audience
to guffaw its fill of Hattie’s drolleries; a
narcissus swaying reedily beside a black crocodile.
She was a new star and her beauty
the color of cloth of gold, and Hattie in her lowly
comedian way not an undistinguished veteran. So
they could kiss in the key of a cat cannot unseat
a king.
But, just the same, Miss Robinson’s
hand flew up automatically against the dark of Hattie’s
lips.
“I don’t fade off, dearie.
Your own natural skin is no more color-fast.
I handled Elaine Doremus in ‘The Snowdrop’
for three seasons. Never so much as a speck or
a spot on her. My cream don’t fade.”
“Of course not, dear! How silly of me!
Kiss me again.”
That was kind enough of her.
Oh yes, they got on. But sometimes Hattie, seated
among her sagging headstones, would ache with the dry
sob of the black crocodile who yearned toward the
narcissus....
Quite without precedent, there was
a man waiting for her in the wings.
The gloom of back-stage was as high
as trees and Hattie had not seen him in sixteen years.
But she knew. With the stunned consciousness of
a stabbed person that glinting instant before the
blood begins to flow.
It was Morton Sebree Marcia’s father.
“Morton!”
“Hattie.”
“Come up to my dressing room,”
she said, as matter-of-factly as if her brain were
a clock ticking off the words.
They walked up an iron staircase of
unreality. Fantastic stairs. Wisps of gloom.
Singing pains in her climbing legs like a piano key
hit very hard and held down with a pressing forefinger.
She could listen to her pain. That was her thought
as she climbed. How the irrelevant little ideas
would slide about in her sudden chaos. She must
concentrate now. Terribly. Morton was back.
His hand, a smooth glabrous one full
of clutch, riding up the banister. It could have
been picked off, finger by finger. It was that
kind of a hand. But after each lift, another
finger would have curled back again. Morton’s
hand, ascending the dark like a soul on a string in
a burlesque show.
Face to face. The electric bulb
in her dressing room was incased in a wire like a
baseball mask. A burning prison of light.
Fat sticks of grease paint with the grain of Hattie’s
flesh printed on the daub end. Furiously brown
cheesecloth. An open jar of cream (chocolate)
with the gesture of the gouge in it. A woolly
black wig on a shelf, its kinks seeming to crawl.
There was a rim of Hattie au natural left around
her lips. It made of her mouth a comedy blubber,
her own rather firm lips sliding about somewhere in
the lightish swamp. That was all of Hattie that
looked out. Except her eyes. They were good
gray eyes with popping whites now, because of a trick
of blackening the lids. But the irises were in
their pools, inviolate.
“Well, Hattie, I reckon I’d
have known you even under black.”
“I thought you were in Rio.”
“Got to hankering after the States, Hattie.”
“I read of a Morris Sebree died
in Brazil. Sometimes I used to think maybe it
might have been a misprint and that you were the one.”
“No, no. ‘Live and kickin’.
Been up around here a good while.”
“Where?”
“Home. N’Orleans. M’ mother
died, Hattie, God rest her bones. Know it?”
“No.”
“Cancer.”
It was a peculiar silence. A
terrible word like that was almost slowly soluble
in it. Gurgling down.
“O-oh!”
“Sort of gives a fellow the
shivers, Hattie, seeing you kinda hidin’ behind
yourself like this. But I saw you come in the
theater to-night. You looked right natural.
Little heavier.”
“What do you want?”
“Why, I guess a good many things
in general and nothing in particular, as the sayin’
goes. You don’t seem right glad to see me,
honey.”
“Glad!” said Hattie, and
laughed as if her mirth were a dice shaking in a box
of echoes.
“Your hair’s right red
yet. Looked mighty natural walkin’ into
the theater to-night. Take off those kinks, honey.”
She reached for her cleansing cream,
then stopped, her eyes full of the foment of torture.
“What’s my looks to you?”
“You’ve filled out.”
“You haven’t,” she
said, putting down the cold-cream jar. “You
haven’t aged an hour. Your kind lies on
life like it was a wall in the sun. A wall that
somebody else has built for you stone by stone.”
“I reckon you’re right
in some ways, Hattie. There’s been a meanderin’
streak in me somewheres. You and m’ mother,
God rest her bones, had a different way of scoldin’
me for the same thing. Lot o’ Huck Finn
in me.”
“Don’t use bad-boy words for vicious,
bad-man deeds!”
“But you liked me. Both
of you liked me, honey. Only two women I ever
really cared for, too. You and m’ mother.”
Her face might have been burning paper,
curling her scorn for him.
“Don’t try that, Morton.
It won’t work any more. What used to infatuate
me only disgusts me now. The things I thought
I loved in you, I loathe now.
The kind of cancer that killed your mother is the kind
that eats out the heart. I never knew her, never
even saw her except from a distance, but I know, just
as well as if I’d lived in that fine big house
with her all those years in New Orleans, that you were
the sickness that ailed her lying, squandering,
gambling, no-’count son! If she and I are
the only women you ever cared for, thank God that there
aren’t any more of us to suffer from you.
Morton, when I read that a Morris Sebree had died
in Brazil, I hoped it was you! You’re no
good! You’re no good!”
She was thumping now with the sobs
she kept under her voice.
“Why, Hattie,” he said,
his drawl not quickened, “you don’t mean
that!”
“I do! You’re a ruiner
of lives! Her life! Mine! You’re
a rotten apple that can speck every one it touches.”
“That’s hard, Hattie, but I reckon you’re
not all wrong.”
“Oh, that softy Southern talk
won’t get us anywhere, Morton. The very
sound of it sickens me now. You’re like
a terrible sickness I once had. I’m cured
now. I don’t know what you want here, but
whatever it is you might as well go. I’m
cured!”
He sat forward in his chair, still
twirling the soft brown hat. He was dressed like
that. Softly. Good-quality loosely woven
stuffs. There was still a tan down of persistent
youth on the back of his neck. But his hands
were old, the veins twisted wiring, and his third finger
yellowly stained, like meerschaum darkening.
“Grantin’ everything you
say, Hattie and I’m holdin’
no brief for myself I’ve been
the sick one, not you. Twenty years I’ve
been down sick with hookworm.”
“With devilishness.”
“No, Hattie. It’s
the government’s diagnosis. Hookworm.
Been a sick man all my life with it. Funny thing,
though, all those years in Rio knocked it out of me.”
“Faugh!”
“I’m a new man since I’m well of
it.”
“Hookworm! That’s
an easy word for ingrained no-’countness, deviltry,
and deceit. It wasn’t hookworm came into
the New Orleans stock company where I was understudying
leads and getting my chance to play big things.
It wasn’t hookworm put me in a position where
I had to take anything I could get! So that instead
of finding me playing leads you find me here black-face!
It was a devil! A liar! A spendthrift, no-’count
son out of a family that deserved better. I’ve
cried more tears over you than I ever thought any
woman ever had it in her to cry. Those months
in that boarding house in Peach Tree Street down in
New Orleans! Peach Tree Street! I remember
how beautiful even the name of it was when you took
me there lying and how horrible
it became to me. Those months when I used to
see your mother’s carriage drive by the house
twice a day and me crying my eyes out behind the curtains.
That’s what I’ve never forgiven myself
for. She was a woman who stood for fine things
in New Orleans. A good woman whom the whole town
pitied! A no-’count son squandering her
fortune and dragging down the family name. If
only I had known all that then! She would have
helped me if I had appealed to her. She wouldn’t
have let things turn out secretly the way
they did. She would have helped me. I You Why
have you come here to jerk knives out of my heart
after it’s got healed with the points sticking
in? You’re nothing to me. You’re
skulking for a reason. You’ve been hanging
around, getting pointers about me. My life is
my own! You get out!”
“The girl. She well?”
It was a quiet question, spoken in
the key of being casual, and Hattie, whose heart skipped
a beat, tried to corral the fear in her eyes to take
it casually, except that her eyelids seemed to grow
old even as they drooped. Squeezed grape skins.
“You get out, Morton,” she said.
“You’ve got to get out.”
He made a cigarette in an old, indolent
way he had of wetting it with his smile. He was
handsome enough after his fashion, for those who like
the rather tropical combination of dark-ivory skin,
and hair a lighter shade of tan. It did a curious
thing to his eyes. Behind their allotment of
tan lashes they became neutralized. Straw colored.
“She’s about sixteen now. Little
over, I reckon.”
“What’s that to you?”
“Blood, Hattie. Thick.”
“What thickened it, Morton after
sixteen years?”
“Used to be an artist chap down
in Rio. On his uppers. One night, according
to my description of what I imagined she looked like,
he drew her. Yellow hair, I reckoned, and sure
enough ”
“You’re not worthy of
the resemblance. It wouldn’t be there if
I had the saying.”
“You haven’t,” he
said, suddenly, his teeth snapping together as if
biting off a thread.
“Nor you!” something that
was the whiteness of fear lightening behind her mask.
She rose then, lifting her chair out of the path toward
the door and flinging her arm out toward it, very
much after the manner of Miss Robinson in Act II.
“You get out, Morton,”
she said, “before I have you put out. They’re
closing the theater now. Get out!”
“Hattie,” his calm enormous,
“don’t be hasty. A man that has come
to his senses has come back to you humble and sincere.
A man that’s been sick. Take me back, Hattie,
and see if ”
“Back!” she said, lifting
her lips scornfully away from touching the word.
“You remember that night in that little room
on Peach Tree Street when I prayed on my knees and
kissed your shoes and crawled
for your mercy to stay for Marcia to be born?
Well, if you were to lie on this floor and kiss my
shoes and crawl for my mercy I’d walk out on
you the way you walked out on me. If you don’t
go, I’ll call a stage hand and make you go.
There’s one coming down the corridor now and
locking the house. You go or I’ll
call!”
His eyes, with their peculiar trick
of solubility in his color scheme, seemed all tan.
“I’ll go,” he said,
looking slim and Southern, his imperturbability ever
so slightly unfrocked “I’ll
go, but you’re making a mistake, Hattie.”
Fear kept clanging in her. Fire bells of it.
“Oh, but that’s like you,
Morton! Threats! But, thank God, nothing
you can do can harm me any more.”
“I reckon she’s considerable
over sixteen now. Let’s see ”
Fire bells. Fire bells.
“Come out with what you want,
Morton, like a man! You’re feeling for
something. Money? Now that your mother is
dead and her fortune squandered, you’ve come
to harass me? That’s it! I know you,
like a person who has been disfigured for life by
burns knows fire. Well, I won’t pay!”
“Pay? Why, Hattie I want you back ”
She could have cried because, as she
sat there blackly, she was sick with his lie.
“I’d save a dog from you.”
“Then save her from me.”
The terrible had happened so quietly.
Morton had not raised his voice; scarcely his lips.
She closed the door then and sat down
once more, but that which had crouched out of their
talk was unleashed now.
“That’s just exactly what I intend to
do.”
“How?”
“By saving her sight or sound of you.”
“You can’t, Hattie.”
“Why?”
“I’ve come back.”
There was a curve to his words that hooked into her
heart like forceps about a block of ice. But she
outstared him, holding her lips in the center of the
comedy rim so that he could see how firm their bite.
“Not to me.”
“To her, then.”
“Even you wouldn’t be low enough to let
her know ”
“Know what?”
“Facts.”
“You mean she doesn’t know?”
“Know! Know you for what
you are and for what you made of me? I’ve
kept it something decent for her. Just the separation
of husband and wife who couldn’t
agree. Incompatibility. I have not told her ”
And suddenly could have rammed her teeth into the
tongue that had betrayed her. Simultaneously
with the leap of light into his eyes came the leap
of her error into her consciousness.
“Oh,” he said, and smiled,
a slow smile that widened as leisurely as sorghum
in the pouring.
“You made me tell you that! You came here
for that. To find out!”
“Nothin’ the sort, Hattie.
You only verified what I kinda suspected. Naturally,
you’ve kept it from her. Admire you for
it.”
“But I lied! See!
I know your tricks. She does know you for what
you are and what you made of me. She knows everything.
Now what are you going to do? She knows!
I lied! I ” then stopped, at
the curve his lips were taking and at consciousness
of the pitiableness of her device.
“Morton,” she said, her
hands opening into her lap into pads of great pink
helplessness, “you wouldn’t tell her on
me! You’re not that low!”
“Wouldn’t tell what?”
He was rattling her, and so she fought
him with her gaze, trying to fasten and fathom under
the flicker of his lids. But there were no eyes
there. Only the neutral, tricky tan.
“You see, Morton, she’s
just sixteen. The age when it’s more important
than anything else in the world to a young girl that’s
been reared like her to to have her life
regular! Like all her other little school
friends. She’s like that, Morton. Sensitive!
Don’t touch her, Morton. For God’s
sake, don’t! Some day when she’s past
having to care so terribly when she’s
older you can rake it up if you must torture.
I’ll tell her then. But for God’s
sake, Morton, let us live now!”
“Hattie, you meet me to-morrow
morning and take a little journey to one of these
little towns around here in Jersey or Connecticut,
and your lie to her won’t be a lie any more.”
“Morton I I don’t
understand. Why?”
“I’ll marry you.”
“You fool!” she said,
almost meditatively. “So you’ve heard
we’ve gotten on a bit. You must even have
heard of this” placing her hand over
the jar of the Brown Cold Cream. “You want
to be in at the feast. You’re so easy to
read that I can tell you what you’re after before
you can get the coward words out. Marry you!
You fool!”
It was as if she could not flip the
word off scornfully enough, sucking back her lower
lip, then hurling.
“Well, Hattie,” he said,
unbunching his soft hat, “I reckon that’s
pretty plain.”
“I reckon it is, Morton.”
“All right. Everybody to
his own notion of carryin’ a grudge to the grave.
But it’s all right, honey. No hard feelin’s.
It’s something to know I was willin’ to
do the right thing. There’s a fruit steamer
out of here for N’Orleans in the mawnin’.
Reckon I’ll catch it.”
“I’d advise you to.”
“No objection to me droppin’
around to see the girl first? Entitled to a little
natural curiosity. Come, I’ll take you up
home this evenin’. The girl. No harm.”
“You’re not serious, Morton.
You wouldn’t upset things. You wouldn’t
tell that child!”
“Why, not in a thousand years,
honey, unless you forced me to it. Well, you’ve
forced me. Come, Hattie, I’m seein’
you home this evenin’.”
“You can’t put your foot ”
“Come now. You’re
too clever a woman to try to prevent me. Course
there’s a way to keep me from goin’ up
home with you this evenin’. I wouldn’t
use it, if I were you. You know I’ll get
to see her. I even know where she goes to school.
Mighty nice selection you made, Hattie, Miss Harperly’s.”
“You can’t frighten me,”
she said, trying to moisten her lips with her tongue.
But it was dry as a parrot’s. It was hard
to close her lips. They were oval and suddenly
immobile as a picture frame. What if she could
not swallow. There was nothing to swallow!
Dry tongue. O God! Marcia!
That was the fleeting form her panic
took, but almost immediately she could manage her
lips again. Her lips, you see, they counted so!
She must keep them firm in the slippery shine of the
comedy black.
“Come,” he said, “get
your make-up off. I’ll take you up in a
cab.”
“How do you know it’s up?”
“Why, I don’t know as
I do know exactly. Just came kind of natural to
put it that way. Morningside Heights is about
right, I calculate.”
“So you have been
watching.”
“Well, I don’t know as
I’d put it thataway. Naturally, when I got
to town first thing I did most
natural thing in the world. That’s a mighty
fine car with a mighty fine-looking boy and a girl
brings your our girl home every afternoon
about four. We used to have a family of Grosbeaks
down home. Another branch, I reckon.”
“O God!” A
malaprop of a tear, too heavy to wink in, came rolling
suddenly down Hattie’s cheek. “Morton let us live for
God’s sake! Please!”
He regarded the clean descent of the
tear down Hattie’s color-fast cheek and its
clear drop into the bosom of her black-taffeta housemaid’s
dress.
“By Jove! The stuff is
color-fast! You’ve a fortune in that cream
if you handle it right, honey.”
“My way is the right way for me.”
“But it’s a woman’s
way. Incorporate. Manufacture it. Get
a man on the job. Promote it!”
“Ah, that sounds familiar.
The way you promoted away every cent of your mother’s
fortune until the bed she died in was mortgaged.
One of your wildcat schemes again! Oh, I watched
you before I lost track of you in South America just
the way you’re watching us now!
I know the way you squandered your mother’s
fortune. The rice plantation in Georgia.
The alfalfa ranch. The solid-rubber-tire venture
in Atlanta. You don’t get your hands on
my affairs. My way suits me!”
The tumult in her was so high and
her panic so like a squirrel in the circular frenzy
of its cage that she scarcely noted the bang on the
door and the hairy voice that came through.
“All out!”
“Yes,” she said, without knowing it.
“You’re losing a fortune,
Hattie. Shame on a fine, strapping woman like
you, black-facing herself up like this when you’ve
hit on something with a fortune in it if you work
it properly. You ought to have more regard for
the girl. Black-face!”
“What has her father’s
regard done for her? It’s my black-face
has kept her like a lily!”
“Admitting all that you say
about me is right. Well, I’m here eating
humble pie now. If that little girl doesn’t
know, bless my heart, I’m willin’ she
shouldn’t ever know. I’ll take you
out to Greenwich to-morrow and marry you. Then
what you’ve told her all these years is the
truth. I’ve just come back, that’s
all. We’ve patched up. It’s done
every day. Right promoting and a few hundred dollars
in that there cream will ”
She laughed. November rain running
off a broken spout. Yellow leaves scuttling ahead
of wind.
“The picture puzzle is now complete,
Morton. Your whole scheme, piece by piece.
You’re about as subtle as corn bread. Well,
my answer to you again is, ‘Get out!’”
“All right. All right.
But we’ll both get out, Hattie. Come, I’m
a-goin’ to call on you-all up home a little
while this evenin’!”
“No. It’s late. She’s ”
“Come, Hattie, you know I’m
a-goin’ to see that girl one way or another.
If you want me to catch that fruit steamer to-morrow,
if I were you I’d let me see her my way.
You know I’m not much on raisin’ my voice,
but if I were you, Hattie, I wouldn’t fight
me.”
“Morton Morton, listen!
If you’ll take that fruit steamer without trying
to see her would you? You’re
on your uppers. I understand. Would a hundred two
hundred ”
“I used to light my cigarette
with that much down on my rice swamps ”
“You see, Morton, she’s
such a little thing. A little thing with big
eyes. All her life those eyes have looked right
down into me, believing everything I ever told her.
About you too, Morton. Good things. Not that
I’m ashamed of anything I ever told her.
My only wrong was ignorance. And innocence.
Innocence of the kind of lesson I was to learn from
you.”
“Nothin’ was ever righted by harping on
it, Hattie.”
“But I want you to understand O
God, make him understand she’s such
a sensitive little thing. And as things stand
now glad I’m her mother. Yes,
glad black-face and all! Why, many’s
the time I’ve gone home from the theater, too
tired to take off my make-up until I got into my own
rocker with my ankles soaking in warm water. They
swell so terribly sometimes. Rheumatism, I guess.
Well, many a time when I kissed her in her sleep she’s
opened her eyes on me black-face and all.
Her arms up and around me. I was there underneath
the black! She knows that! And that’s
what she’ll always know about me, no matter what
you tell her. I’m there her
mother underneath the black! You hear,
Morton! That’s why you must let us live ”
“My proposition is the mighty decent one of
a gentleman.”
“She’s only a little baby,
Morton. And just at that age where being like
all the other boys and girls is the whole of her little
life. It’s killing all her airiness
and fads and fancies. Such a proper little young
lady. You know, the way they clip and trim them
at finishing school. Sweet-sixteen nonsense that
she’ll outgrow. To-night, Morton, she’s
at a party. A boy’s. Her first.
That fine-looking yellow-haired young fellow and his
sister that bring her home every afternoon. At
their house. Gramercy Park. A fine young
fellow Phi Pi ”
“Looka here, Hattie, are you talking against
time?”
“She’s home asleep by
now. I told her she had to be in bed by eleven.
She minds me, Morton. I wouldn’t couldn’t wake
her. Morton, Morton, she’s yours as much
as mine. That’s God’s law, no matter
how much man’s law may have let you shirk your
responsibility. Don’t hurt your own flesh
and blood by coming back to us now.
I remember once when you cut your hand it made you
ill. Blood! Blood is warm. Red.
Sacred stuff. She’s your blood, Morton.
You let us alone when we needed you. Leave us
alone, now that we don’t!”
“But you do, Hattie girl.
That’s just it. You’re running things
a woman’s way. Why, a man with the right
promoting ideas ”
There was a fusillade of bangs on
the door now, and a shout as if the hair on the voice
were rising in anger.
“All out or the doors ’ll be locked on
yuh! Fine doings!”
She grasped her light wrap from its
hook, and her hat with its whirl of dark veil, fitting
it down with difficulty over the fizz of wig.
“Come, Morton,” she said,
suddenly. “I’m ready. You’re
right, now or never.”
“Your face!”
“No time now. Later at
home! She’ll know that I’m there under
the black!”
“So do I, Hattie. That’s why I ”
“I’m not one of the ready-made
heroines you read about. That’s not my
idea of sacrifice! I’d let my child hang
her head of my shame sooner than stand up and marry
you to save her from it. Marcia wouldn’t
want me to! She’s got your face but
my character! She’ll fight! She’ll
glory that I had the courage to let you tell her the truth!
Yes, she will,” she cried, her voice pleading
for the truth of what her words exclaimed. “She’ll
glory in having saved me from you!
You can come! Now, too, while I have the strength
that loathing you can give me. I don’t want
you skulking about. I don’t want you hanging
over my head or hers! You can tell
her to-night but in my presence! Come!”
“Yes, sir,” he repeated,
doggedly and still more doggedly. “Yes,
siree!” Following her, trying to be grim, but
his lips too soft to click. “Yes sir!”
They drove up silently through a lusterless
midnight with a threat of rain in it, hitting loosely
against each other in a shiver-my-timbers taxicab.
Her pallor showing through the brown of her face did
something horrid to her.
It was as if the skull of her, set
in torment, were looking through a transparent black
mask, but, because there were not lips, forced to
grin.
And yet, do you know that while she
rode with him Hattie’s heart was high?
So high that when she left him finally, seated in her
little lamplit living room, it was he whose unease
began to develop.
“I If she’s asleep, Hattie ”
Her head looked so sure. Thrust
back and sunk a little between the shoulders.
“If she’s asleep, I’ll
wake her. It’s better this way. I’m
glad, now. I want her to see me save myself.
She would want me to. You banked on mock heroics
from me, Morton. You lost.”
Marcia was asleep, in her narrow,
pretty bed with little bowknots painted on the pale
wood. About the room all the tired and happy muss
of after-the-party. A white-taffeta dress with
a whisper of real lace at the neck, almost stiffishly
seated, as if with Marcia’s trimness, on a chair.
A steam of white tulle on the dressing table.
A buttonhole gardenia in a tumbler of water.
One long white-kid glove on the table beside the night
light. A naked cherub in a high hat, holding a
pink umbrella for the lamp shade.
“Dear me! Dear me!”
screamed Hattie to herself, fighting to keep her mind
on the plane of casual things. “She’s
lost a glove again. Dear me! Dear me!
I hope it’s a left one to match up with the right
one she saved from the last pair. Dear me!”
She picked up a white film of stocking,
turning and exploring with spread fingers in the foot
part for holes. There was one! Marcia’s
big toe had danced right through. “Dear
me!”
Marcia sleeping. Very quietly
and very deeply. She slept like that. Whitely
and straightly and with the covers scarcely raised
for the ridge of her slim body.
Sometimes Marcia asleep could frighten
Hattie. There was something about her white stilliness.
Lilies are too fair and so must live briefly.
That thought could clutch so that she would kiss Marcia
awake. Kiss her soundly because Marcia’s
sleep could be so terrifyingly deep.
“Marcia,” said Hattie,
and stood over her bed. Then again, “Mar-cía!”
On more voice than she thought her dry throat could
yield her.
There was the merest flip of black
on the lacy bosom of Marcia’s nightgown, and
Hattie leaned down to fleck it. No. It was
a pin a small black-enameled pin edged
in pearls. Automatically Hattie knew.
“Pi Phi!”
“Marcia,” cried Hattie,
and shook her a little. She hated so to waken
her. Always had. Especially for school on
rainy days. Sometimes didn’t. Couldn’t.
Marcia came up out of sleep so reluctantly. A
little dazed. A little secretive. As if
a white bull in a dream had galloped off with her
like Persephone’s.
Only Hattie did not know of Persephone.
She only knew that Marcia slept beautifully and almost
breathlessly. Sweet and low. It seemed silly,
sleeping beautifully. But just the same, Marcia
did.
Then Hattie, not faltering, mind you,
waited. It was better that Marcia should know.
Now, too, while her heart was so high.
Sometimes it took as many as three
kisses to awaken Marcia. Hattie bent for the
first one, a sound one on the tip of her lip.
“Marcia!” she cried. “Marcy,
wake up!” and drew back.
Something had happened! Darkly.
A smudge the size of a quarter and the color of Hattie’s
guaranteed-not-to-fade cheek, lay incredibly on Marcia’s
whiteness.
Hattie had smudged Marcia! Hattie Had Smudged Marcia!
There it lay on her beautiful, helpless whiteness.
Hattie’s smudge.
It is doubtful, from the way he waited
with his soft hat dangling from soft fingers, if Morton
had ever really expected anything else. Momentary
unease gone, he was quiet and Southern and even indolent
about it.
“We’ll go to Greenwich
first thing in the morning and be married,” he
said.
“Sh-h-h!” she whispered
to his quietness. “Don’t wake Marcia.”
“Hattie ” he said, and started
to touch her.
“Don’t!” she sort
of cried under her whisper, but not without noting
that his hand was ready enough to withdraw. “Please go now ”
“To-morrow at the station, then.
Eleven. There’s a train every hour for
Greenwich.”
He was all tan to her now, standing there like a blur.
“Yes, Morton, I’ll be there. If please you’ll
go now.”
“Of course,” he said.
“Late. Only I Well, paying the
taxi strapped me temporarily.
A ten spot old Hat would help.”
She gave him her purse, a tiny leather
one with a patent clasp. Somehow her fingers
were not flexible enough to open it.
His were.
There were a few hours of darkness
left, and she sat them out, exactly as he had left
her, on the piano stool, looking at the silence.
Toward morning quite an equinoctial
storm swept the city, banging shutters and signs,
and a steeple on 122d Street was struck by lightning.
And so it was that Hattie’s
wedding day came up like thunder.