The announcements relating to the
first Cabinet of the winter set me thinking whether
my readers might be interested in seeing what I have
“collected” as to the daily life and labours
of her Majesty’s Ministers. I decided that
I would try the experiment, and, acting on the principle
which I have professed before-that when
once one has deliberately chosen certain words to
express one’s meaning one cannot, as a rule,
alter them with advantage-I shall borrow
from some former writings of my own.
The Cabinet is the Board of Directors
of the British Empire. All its members are theoretically
equal; but, as at other Boards, the effective power
really resides in three or four. At the present
moment Manchester is represented by one of these
potent few. Saturday is the usual day for the
meeting of the Cabinet, though it may be convened at
any moment as special occasion arises. Describing
the potato-disease which led to the repeal of the
Corn Laws, Lord Beaconsfield wrote: “This
mysterious but universal sickness of a single root
changed the history of the world. ‘There
is no gambling like politics,’ said Lord Roehampton,
as he glanced at the Times: ’four
Cabinets in one week! The Government must be
more sick than the potatoes!’”
Twelve is the usual hour for the meeting
of the Cabinet, and the business is generally over
by two. At the Cabinets held during November
the legislative programme for next session is settled,
and the preparation of each measure is assigned to
a sub-committee of Ministers specially conversant
with the subject-matter. Lord Salisbury holds
his Cabinets at the Foreign Office; but the old place
of meeting was the official residence of the First
Lord of the Treasury at 10 Downing Street, in a pillared
room looking over the Horse Guards Parade, and hung
with portraits of departed First Lords.
In theory, of course, the proceedings
of the Cabinet are absolutely secret. The Privy
Councillor’s oath prohibits all disclosures.
No record is kept of the business done. The door
is guarded by vigilant attendants against possible
eavesdroppers. The dispatch-boxes which constantly
circulate between Cabinet Ministers, carrying confidential
matters, are carefully locked with special keys, said
to date from the administration of Mr. Pitt; and the
possession of these keys constitutes admission into
what Lord Beaconsfield called “the circles of
high initiation.” Yet in reality more leaks
out than is supposed. In the Cabinet of 1880-5
the leakage to the press was systematic and continuous.
Even Mr. Gladstone, the stiffest of sticklers for
official reticence, held that a Cabinet Minister might
impart his secrets to his wife and his Private Secretary.
The wives of official men are not always as trustworthy
as Mrs. Bucket in Bleak House, and some of
the Private Secretaries in the Government of 1880
were little more than boys. Two members of that
Cabinet were notorious for their free communications
to the press, and it was often remarked that the Birmingham
Daily Post was peculiarly well informed.
A noble Lord who held a high office, and who, though
the most pompous, was not the wisest of mankind, was
habitually a victim to a certain journalist of known
enterprise, who used to waylay him outside Downing
Street and accost him with jaunty confidence:
“Well, Lord -, so you have
settled on so-and-so after all?” The noble lord,
astonished that the Cabinet’s decision was already
public property, would reply, “As you know so
much, there can be no harm in telling the rest”;
and the journalist, grinning like a dog, ran off to
print the precious morsel in a special edition of
the Millbank Gazette. Mr. Justin McCarthy
could, I believe, tell a curious story of a highly
important piece of foreign intelligence communicated
by a Minister to the Daily News; of a resulting
question in the House of Commons; and of the same Minister’s
emphatic declaration that no effort should be wanting
to trace this violator of official confidence and
bring him to condign punishment.
While it is true that outsiders sometimes
become possessed by these dodges of official secrets,
it is not less true that Cabinet Ministers are often
curiously in the dark about great and even startling
events. A political lady once said to me, “Do
you in your party think much of my neighbour, Mr.
?” As in duty bound, I replied,
“Oh yes, a great deal.” She rejoined,
“I shouldn’t have thought it, for when
the boys are shouting any startling news in the special
editions, I see him run out without his hat to buy
an evening paper. That doesn’t look well
for a Cabinet Minister.” On the fatal 6th
of May 1882 I dined in company with Mr. Bright.
He stayed late, but never heard a word of the murders
which had taken place that evening in the Phoenix
Park; went off quietly to bed, and read them as news
in the next morning’s Observer.
But, after all, attendance at the
Cabinet, though a most important, is only an occasional,
event in the life of one of her Majesty’s Ministers.
Let us consider the ordinary routine of his day’s
work during the session of Parliament. The truly
virtuous Minister, we may presume, struggles down
to the dining room to read prayers and to breakfast
in the bosom of his family between 9 and 10 A.M.
But the self-indulgent bachelor declines to be called,
and sleeps his sleep out. Mr. Arthur Balfour
invariably breakfasts at 12; and more politicians than
would admit it consume their tea and toast in bed.
Mercifully, the dreadful habit of giving breakfast-parties,
though sanctioned by the memories of Holland and Macaulay
and Rogers and Houghton, virtually died out with the
disappearance of Mr. Gladstone.
“Men who breakfast out are generally
Liberals,” says Lady St. Julians in Sybil.
“Have not you observed that?”
“I wonder why?”
“It shows a restless, revolutionary
mind,” said Lady Firebrace, “that can
settle to nothing, but must be running after gossip
the moment they are awake.”
“Yes,” said Lady St. Julians,
“I think those men who breakfast out, or who
give breakfasts, are generally dangerous characters;
at least I would not trust them.”
And Lady St. Julians’s doctrine,
though half a century old, applies with perfect exactness
to those enemies of the human race who endeavour to
keep alive or to resuscitate this desperate tradition.
Juvenal described the untimely fate of the man who
went into his bath with an undigested peacock in his
system. Scarcely pleasanter are the sensations
of the Minister or the M.P. who goes from a breakfast-party,
full of buttered muffins and broiled salmon, to the
sedentary desk-work of his office or the fusty wrangles
of a Grand Committee.
Breakfast over, the Minister’s
fancy lightly turns to thoughts of exercise.
If he is a man of active habits and strenuous tastes,
he may take a gentle breather up Highgate Hill, like
Mr. Gladstone, or play tennis, like Sir Edward Grey.
Lord Spencer when in office might be seen any morning
cantering up St. James’s Street on a hack, or
pounding round Hyde Park in high naval debate with
Sir Ughtred Kay-Shuttleworth. Lord Rosebery drives
himself in a cab; Mr. Asquith is driven; both occasionally
survey the riding world over the railings of Rotten
Row; and even Lord Salisbury may be found prowling
about the Green Park, to which his house in Arlington
Street has a private access. Mr. Balfour, as
we all know, is a devotee of the cycle, and his example
is catching; but Mr. Chamberlain holds fast to the
soothing belief that, when a man has walked upstairs
to bed, he has made as much demand on his physical
energies as is good for him, and that exercise was
invented by the doctors in order to bring grist to
their mill.
Whichever of these examples our Minister
prefers to follow, his exercise or his lounge must
be over by 12 o’clock. The Grand Committees
meet at that hour; on Wednesday the House meets then;
and if he is not required by departmental business
to attend either the Committee or the House, he will
probably be at his office by midday. The exterior
aspect of the Government Offices in Whitehall is sufficiently
well known, and any peculiarities which it may present
are referable to the fact that the execution of an
Italian design was entrusted by the wisdom of Parliament
to a Gothic architect. Inside, their leading characteristics
are the abundance and steepness of the stairs, the
total absence of light, and an atmosphere densely
charged with Irish stew. Why the servants of the
British Government should live exclusively on this
delicacy, and why its odours should prevail with equal
pungency “from morn to noon, from noon to dewy
eve,” are matters of speculation too recondite
for popular handling.
The Minister’s own room is probably
on the first floor-perhaps looking into
Whitehall, perhaps into the Foreign Office Square,
perhaps on to the Horse Guards Parade. It is
a large room with immense windows, and a fireplace
ingeniously contrived to send all its heat up the chimney.
If the office is one of the older ones, the room probably
contains some good pieces of furniture derived, from
a less penurious age than ours-a bureau
or bookcase of mahogany dark with years, showing in
its staid ornamentation traces of Chippendale or Sheraton;
a big clock in a handsome case; and an interesting
portrait of some historic statesman who presided over
the department two centuries ago. But in the more
modern offices all is barren. Since the late Mr.
Ayrton was First Commissioner of Works a squalid cheapness
has reigned supreme. Deal and paint are everywhere;
doors that won’t shut, bells that won’t
ring, and curtains that won’t meet. In
two articles alone there is prodigality-books
and stationery. Hansard’s Debates, the Statutes
at Large, treatises illustrating the work of the office,
and books of reference innumerable, are there; and
the stationery shows a delightful variety of shape,
size, and texture, adapted to every conceivable exigency
of official correspondence.
It is indeed in the item of stationery,
and in that alone, that the grand old constitutional
system of perquisites survives. Morbidly conscientious
Ministers sometimes keep a supply of their private
letter-paper on their office-table and use it for their
private correspondence; but the more frankly human
sort write all their letters on official paper.
On whatever paper written, Ministers’ letters
go free from the office and the House of Commons;
and certain artful correspondents outside, knowing
that a letter to a public office need not be stamped,
write to the Minister at his official address and save
their penny. In days gone by each Secretary of
State received on his appointment a silver inkstand,
which he could hand down as a keepsake to his children.
Mr. Gladstone, when he was Chancellor of the Exchequer,
abolished this little perquisite, and the only token
of office which an outgoing Minister can now take
with him is his dispatch-box. The wife of a minister
who had long occupied an official residence, on being
evicted from office said with a pensive sigh, “I
hope I am not avaricious, but I must say, when one
was hanging up pictures, it was very pleasant to have
the Board of Works carpenter and a bag of the largest
nails for nothing.”
The late Sir William Gregory used
to narrate how when a child he was taken by his grandfather,
who was Under-Secretary for Ireland, to see the Chief
Secretary, Lord Melbourne, in his official room.
The good-natured old Whig asked the boy if there was
anything in the room that he would like; and he chose
a large stick of sealing-wax, “That’s
right,” said Lord Melbourne, pressing a bundle
of pens into his hand: “begin life early.
All these things belong to the public, and your business
must always be to get out of the public as much as
you can.” There spoke the true spirit of
our great governing families.
And now our Minister, seated at his
official table, touches his pneumatic bell. His
Private Secretary appears with a pile of papers, and
the day’s work begins. That work, of course,
differs enormously in amount, nature, importance,
and interest with different offices. To the outside
world probably one office is much the same as another,
but the difference in the esoteric view is wide indeed.
When the Revised Version of the New Testament came
out, an accomplished gentleman who had once been Mr.
Gladstone’s Private Secretary, and had been appointed
by him to an important post in the permanent Civil
Service, said: “Mr. Gladstone, I have been
looking at the Revised Version, and I think it distinctly
inferior to the old one.”
“Indeed,” said Mr. Gladstone,
with all his theological ardour roused at once:
“I am very much interested to hear you say so.
Pray give me an instance.”
“Well,” replied the Permanent
Official, “look at the first verse of the second
chapter of St. Luke. That verse used to run, ’There
went out a decree from Cæsar Augustus that all the
world should be taxed.’ Well, I always
thought that a splendid idea-a tax levied
on the whole world by a single Act-a grand
stroke worthy of a great empire and an imperial treasury.
But in the Revised Version I find, ’There went
out a decree that all the world should be enrolled’-a
mere counting! a census! the sort of thing the Local
Government Board could do! Will any one tell me
that the new version is as good as the old one in this
passage?”
This story aptly illustrates the sentiments
with which the more powerful and more ancient departments
regard those later births of time, the Board of Trade,
the Local Government Board, the Board of Agriculture,
and even the Scotch Office-though this last
is redeemed from utter contempt by the irritable patriotism
of our Scottish fellow-citizens, and by the beautiful
house in which it is lodged. For a Minister who
loves an arbitrary and single-handed authority the
India Office is the most attractive of all. The
Secretary of State for India, is (except in financial
matters, where he is controlled by his Council) a pure
despot. He has the Viceroy at the end of a telegraph-wire,
and the Queen’s three hundred millions of Indian
subjects under his thumb. His salary is not voted
by the House of Commons; very few M.P.’s care
a rap about India; and he is practically free from
Parliamentary control. The Foreign Office, of
course, is full of interest, and its social traditions
have always been of the most dignified sort-from
the days when Mr. Ranville-Ranville used to frequent
Mrs. Perkins’s Balls to the existing reign of
Sir Thomas Sanderson and Mr. Eric Barrington.
The Treasury has its finger in every
departmental pie except the Indian one, for no Minister
and no department can carry out reforms or even discharge
its ordinary routine without public money, and of public
money the Treasury is the vigilant and inflexible
guardian. “I am directed to acquaint you
that My Lords do not see their way to comply with your
suggestion, inasmuch as to do so would be to open
a serious door.” This delightful formula,
with its dread suggestion of a flippant door and all
the mischief to which it might lead, is daily employed
to check the ardour of Ministers who are seeking to
advance the benefit of the race (including their own
popularity among their constituents) by a judicious
expenditure of public money. But whatever be the
scope and function of the office, and whatever the
nature of the work done there, the mode of doing it
is pretty much the same. Whether the matter in
question originates inside the office by some direction
or inquiry of the chief, or comes by letter from outside,
it is referred to the particular department of the
office which is concerned with it. A clerk makes
a careful minute, giving the facts of the case and
the practice of the office as bearing on it.
The paper is then sent to any other department or
person in the office that can possibly have any concern
with it. It is minuted by each, and it gradually
passes up, by more or fewer official gradations, to
the Under-Secretary of State, who reads, or is supposed
to read, all that has been written on the paper in
its earlier stages, balances the perhaps conflicting
views of different annotators, and, if the matter
is too important for his own decision, sums up in
a minute of recommendation to the chief. The ultimate
decision, however, is probably less affected by the
Under-Secretary’s minute than by the oral advice
of a much more important personage, the Permanent
Head of the office.
It would be beyond my present scope
to discuss the composition and powers of the permanent
Civil Service, whose chiefs have been, at least since
the days of Bagehot, recognized as the real rulers
of this country. For absolute knowledge of their
business, for self-denying devotion to duty, for ability,
patience, courtesy, and readiness to help the fleeting
Political Official, the permanent chiefs of the Civil
Service are worthy of the highest praise. That
they are conservative to the core is only to say
that they are human. On being appointed to permanent
office the extremist theorists, like the bees in the
famous epigram, “cease to hum” their revolutionary
airs, and settle down into the profound conviction
that things are well as they are. All the more
remarkable is the entire equanimity with which the
Permanent Official accepts the unpalatable decision
of a chief who is strong enough to override him, and
the absolute loyalty with which he will carry out
a policy which he cordially disapproves.
Much of a Minister’s comfort
and success depends upon his Private Secretary.
Some Ministers import for this function a young gentleman
of fashion whom they know at home-a picturesque
butterfly who flits gaily through the dusty air of
the office, making, by the splendour of his raiment,
sunshine in its shady places, and daintily passing
on the work to unrecognized and unrewarded clerks.
But the better practice is to appoint as Private Secretary
one of the permanent staff of the office. He
supplies his chief with official information, hunts
up necessary references, writes his letters, and interviews
his bores.
When the late Lord Ampthill was a
junior clerk in the Foreign Office, Lord Palmerston,
then Foreign Secretary, introduced an innovation whereby,
instead of being solemnly summoned by a verbal message,
the clerks were expected to answer his bell.
Some haughty spirits rebelled against being treated
like footmen, and tried to organize resistance; but
Odo Russell, as he then was, refused to join the rebellious
movement, saying that whatever method apprized him
most quickly of Lord Palmerston’s wishes was
the method which he preferred. The aggrieved
clerks regarded him as a traitor to his order-but
he died an ambassador. Trollope described the
wounded feelings of a young clerk whose chief sent
him to fetch his slippers; and in our own day a Private
Secretary, who had patiently taken tickets for the
play for his chief’s daughters, drew the line
when he was told to take the chief’s razors to
be ground. But such assertions of independence
are extremely rare, and as a rule the Private Secretary
is the most cheerful and the most alert of ministering
spirits.
But it is time to return from this
personal digression to the routine of the day’s
work. Among the most important of the morning’s
duties is the preparation of answers to be given in
the House of Commons, and it is often necessary to
have answers ready by three o’clock to questions
which have only appeared that morning on the notice-paper.
The range of questions is infinite, and all the resources
of the office are taxed in order to prepare answers
at once accurate in fact and wise in policy, to pass
them under the Minister’s review, and to get
them fairly copied out before the House meets.
As a rule, the Minister, knowing something of the
temper of Parliament, wishes to give a full, explicit,
and intelligible answer, or even to go a little beyond
the strict terms of the question if he sees what his
interrogator is driving at. But this policy is
abhorrent to the Permanent Official. The traditions
of the Circumlocution Office are by no means dead,
and the crime of “wanting to know, you know,”
is one of the most heinous that the M.P. can commit.
The answers, therefore, as prepared for the Minister
are generally jejune, often barely civil, sometimes
actually misleading. But the Minister, if he
be a wise man, edits them into a more informing shape,
and after a long and careful deliberation as to the
probable effect of his words and the reception which
they will have from his questioner, he sends the bundle
of written answers away to be fair-copied and turns
to his correspondence.
And here the practice of Ministers
varies exceedingly. Lord Salisbury writes almost
everything with his own hand. Mr. Balfour dictates
to a shorthand clerk. Most Ministers write a
great deal by their Private Secretaries. Letters
of any importance are usually transcribed into a copying-book.
A Minister whom I knew used to burn the fragment of
blotting-paper with which he had blotted his letter,
and laid it down as an axiom that, if a constituent
wrote and asked a Member to vote for a particular
measure, the Member should on no account give a more
precise reply than, “I shall have great pleasure
in voting in the sense you desire.” For,
as this expert observed with great truth, “unless
the constituent has kept a copy of his letter-and
the chances are twenty to one against that-there
will be nothing to prove what the sense he desired
was, and you will be perfectly safe in voting as you
like.” The letters received by a Minister
are many, various, and surprising. Of course,
a great proportion of them relate to public business,
and a considerable number to the affairs of his constituency.
But, in addition to all this, lunatics, cranks, and
impostors mark a Minister for their own, and their
applications for loans, gifts, and offices of profit
would exhaust the total patronage of the Crown and
break the Bank of England.
When the day’s official papers
have been dealt with, answers to questions settled,
correspondence read, and the replies written or dictated,
it is very likely time to go to a conference on some
Bill with which the office is concerned. This
conference will consist of the Minister in charge
of the Bill, two or three of his colleagues who have
special knowledge of the subject, the Permanent Officials,
the Parliamentary draftsman, and perhaps one of the
Law Officers. At the conference the amendments
on the paper are carefully discussed, together with
the objects for which they were presumably put down,
their probable effect, their merits or demerits, and
the best mode of meeting them. An hour soon passes
in this kind of anticipatory debate, and the Minister
is called away to receive a deputation.
The scene is exactly like that which
Matthew Arnold described at the Social Science Congress-the
large bare room, dusty air, and jaded light, serried
ranks of men with bald heads and women in spectacles;
the local M.P., like Mr. Gregsbury in Nicholas
Nickleby, full of affability and importance, introducing
the selected spokesmen-“Our worthy
mayor; our leading employer of labour; Miss Twoshoes,
a philanthropic worker in all good causes”-the
Minister, profoundly ignorant of the whole subject,
smiling blandly or gazing earnestly from his padded
chair; the Permanent Official at his elbow murmuring
what the “practice of the department”
has been, what his predecessor said on a similar occasion
ten years ago, and why the object of the deputation
is equally mischievous and impossible; and the Minister
finally expressing sympathy and promising earnest
consideration. Mr. Bright, though the laziest
of mankind at official work, was the ideal hand at
receiving deputations. Some Ministers scold or
snub or harangue, but he let the spokesmen talk their
full, listened patiently, smiled pleasantly, said
very little, treated the subject with gravity or banter
as its nature required, paid the introducing member
a compliment on his assiduity and public spirit, and
sent them all away on excellent terms with themselves
and highly gratified by their intelligent and courteous
reception.
So far we have described our Minister’s
purely departmental duties. But perhaps the Cabinet
meets at twelve, and at the Cabinet he must, to use
Mr. Gladstone’s phrase, “throw his mind
into the common stock” with his fellow-Ministers,
and take part in the discussions and decisions which
govern the Empire. By two o’clock or thereabouts
the Cabinet is over. The labours of the morning
are now beginning to tell, and exhausted Nature rings
her luncheon-bell. Here again men’s habits
widely differ. If our Minister has breakfasted
late, he will go on till four or five, and then have
tea and toast, and perhaps a poached egg; but if he
is an early man, he craves for nutriment more substantial.
He must not go out to luncheon to a friend’s
house, for he will be tempted to eat and drink too
much, and absence from official territory in the middle
of the day has a bad look of idleness and self-indulgence.
The dura ilia of the present Duke of Devonshire
could always cope with a slice of the office-joint,
a hunch of the office-bread, a glass of the office-sherry.
But, as a rule, if a man cannot manage to get back
to the family meal in South Kensington or Cavendish
Square, he turns into a club, has a cutlet and a glass
of claret, and gets back to his office for another
hour’s work before going to the House.
At 3.30 questions begin, and every
Minister is in his place, unless, indeed, there is
a Levee or a Drawing-room, when a certain number of
Ministers, besides the great Officers of State, are
expected to be present. The Minister lets himself
into the House by a private door-of which
Ministers alone have the key-at the back
of the Chair. For an hour and a half, or perhaps
longer, the storm of questions rages, and then the
Minister, if he is in charge of the Bill under discussion,
settles himself on the Treasury Bench to spend the
remainder of the day in a hand-to-hand encounter with
the banded forces of the Opposition, which will tax
to their utmost his brain, nerve, and physical endurance.
If, however, he is not directly concerned with the
business, he goes out perhaps for a breath of air
and a cup of tea on the Terrace, and then buries himself
in his private room-generally a miserable
little dog-hole in the basement of the House-where
he finds a pile of office-boxes, containing papers
which must be read, minuted, and returned to the office
with all convenient dispatch. From these labours
he is suddenly summoned by the shrill ting-ting of
the division-bell and the raucous bellow of the policeman
to take part in a division. He rushes upstairs
two steps at a time, and squeezes himself into the
House through the almost closed doors. “What
are we?” he shouts to the Whip. “Ayes”
or “Noes” is the hurried answer; and he
stalks through the lobby to discharge this intelligent
function, dives down to his room again, only, if the
House is in Committee, to be dragged up again ten
minutes afterwards for another repetition of the same
farce, and so on indefinitely.
It may be asked why a Minister should
undergo all this worry of running up and down and
in and out, laying down his work and taking it up again,
dropping threads, and losing touch, and wasting time,
all to give a purely party vote, settled for him by
his colleague in charge of the Bill, on a subject
with which he is personally unfamiliar. If the
Government is in peril, of course every vote is wanted;
but, with a normal majority, Ministers’ votes
might surely be “taken as read,” and assumed
to be given to the side to which they belong.
But the traditions of Government require Ministers
to vote. It is a point of honour for each man
to be in as many divisions as possible. A record
is kept of all the divisions of the session and of
the week, and a list is sent round every Monday morning
showing in how many each Minister has voted.
The Whips, who must live and move
and have their being in the House, naturally head
the list, and their colleagues follow in a rather
uncertain order. A Minister’s place in this
list is mainly governed by the question whether he
dines at the House or not. If he dines away and
“pairs,” of course he does not in the least
jeopardize his party or embarrass his colleagues;
but “pairs” are not indicated in the list
of divisions, and, as divisions have an awkward knack
of happening between nine and ten, the habitual diner-out
naturally sinks in the list. If he is a married
man, the claims of the home are to a certain extent
recognized by his Whips, but woe to the bachelor who,
with no domestic excuse, steals away for two hours’
relaxation. The good Minister therefore stays
at the House and dines there. Perhaps he is entertaining
ladies in the crypt-like dining-rooms which look on
the Terrace, and in that case the charms of society
may neutralize the material discomforts. But,
if he dine upstairs at the Ministerial table, few indeed
are the alleviations of his lot. In the first
place he must dine with the colleagues with whom his
whole waking life is passed-excellent fellows
and capital company-but nature demands an
occasional enlargement of the mental horizon.
Then if by chance he has one special bugbear-a
bore or an egotist, a man with dirty hands or a churlish
temper-that man will inevitably come and
sit down beside him and insist on being affectionate
and fraternal.
The room is very hot; dinners have
been going on in it for the last two hours; the [Greek:
knise]-the odour of roast meat, which the
gods loved, but which most men dislike-pervades
the atmosphere; your next-door neighbour is eating
a rather high grouse while you are at your apple-tart,
or the perfumes of a deliquescent Camembert mingle
with your coffee. As to beverages, you may, if
you choose, follow the example of Lord Cross, who,
when he was Sir Richard, drank beer in its native
pewter, or of Mr. Radcliffe Cooke, who tries to popularize
cider; or you may venture on that thickest, blackest,
and most potent of vintages which a few years back
still went by the name of “Mr. Disraeli’s
port.” But as a rule these heroic draughts
are eschewed by the modern Minister. Perhaps,
if he is in good spirits after making a successful
speech or fighting his Estimates through Committee,
he will indulge himself with an imperial pint of champagne;
but more often a whiskey-and-soda or a half-bottle
of Zeltinger quenches his modest thirst.
On Wednesday and Saturday our Minister,
if he is not out of London, probably dines at a large
dinner-party. Once a session he must dine in
full dress with the Speaker; once he must dine at,
or give, a full-dress dinner “to celebrate her
Majesty’s Birthday.” On the eve of
the meeting of Parliament he must dine again in full
dress with the Leader of the House, to hear the rehearsal
of the “gracious Speech from the Throne.”
But, as a rule, his fate on Wednesday and Saturday
is a ceremonious banquet at a colleague’s house,
and a party strictly political-perhaps
the Prime Minister as the main attraction, reinforced
by Lord and Lady Decimus Tite-Barnacle, Mr. and
Mrs. Stiltstalking, Sir John Taper, and young Mr.
Tadpole. A political dinner of thirty colleagues,
male and female, in the dog-days is only a shade less
intolerable than the greasy rations and mephitic vapours
of the House of Commons’ dining-room.
At the political dinner “shop”
is the order of the day. Conversation turns on
Brown’s successful speech, Jones’s palpable
falling-off, Robinson’s chance of office, the
explanation of a recent by-election, or the prospects
of an impending division. And, to fill the cup
of boredom to the brim, the political dinner is usually
followed by a political evening-party. On Saturday
the Minister probably does two hours’ work at
his office and has some boxes sent to his house, but
the afternoon he spends in cycling, or golfing, or
riding, or boating, or he leaves London till Monday
morning. On Wednesday he is at the House till
six, and then escapes for a breath of air before dinner.
But on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, as a
rule, he is at the House from its meeting at three
till it adjourns at any hour after midnight. After
dinner he smokes and reads and tries to work in his
room, and goes to sleep and wakes again, and towards
midnight is unnaturally lively. Outsiders believe
in the “twelve o’clock rule,” but
insiders know that, as a matter of fact, it is suspended
as often as an Irish member in the ’80 Parliament.
Whoever else slopes homewards, the Government must
stay. Before now a Minister has been fetched
out of his bed, to which he had surreptitiously retired,
by a messenger in a hansom, and taken back to the
House to defend his Estimates at three in the morning.
“There they sit with
ranks unbroken, cheering on the fierce debate,
Till the sunrise lights them
homeward as they tramp through
Storey’s
Gate,
Racked with headache, pale
and haggard, worn by nights of endless
talk,
While the early sparrows twitter
all along the Birdcage Walk.”
Some ardent souls there are who, if
report speaks true, are not content with even this
amount of exertion and excitement, but finish the night,
or begin the day, with a rubber at the club or even
a turn at baccarat. However, we are describing,
not choice spirits or chartered viveurs, but
the blameless Minister, whose whole life during the
Parliamentary session is the undeviating and conscientious
discharge of official duty; and he, when he lays his
head upon his respectable pillow any time after 1
a.m., may surely go to sleep in the comfortable consciousness
that he has done a fair day’s work for a not
exorbitant remuneration.