That was the beginning of the end,
and when, next day towards noon, my husband came with
drowsy eyes to make a kind of ungracious apology,
saying he supposed the doctor had been sent for, I
said:
“James, I want you to take me home.”
“Home? You mean . . . Castle Raa?”
“Y-es.”
He hesitated, and I began to plead
with him, earnestly and eagerly, not to deny me what
I asked.
“Take me home, I beg, I pray.”
At length, seeming to think I must be homesick, he
said:
“Well, you know my views about
that God-forsaken place, but the season’s nearly
at an end, and I don’t mind going back on one
condition that you raise no objection to
my inviting a few friends to liven it up a bit?”
“It is your house,” I said. “You
must do as you please in it.”
“Very good; that’s settled,”
he said, getting up to go. “And I dare say
it will do you no harm to be out of the way of all
this church-going and confessing to priests, who are
always depressing people even when they’re not
making mischief.”
Hardly had my husband left me when
Alma came into my sitting-room in the most affectionate
and insincere of her moods.
“My poor, dear sweet child,”
she said. “If I’d had the least idea
you were feeling so badly I shouldn’t have allowed
Jimmy to stay another minute at that tiresome reception.
But how good it was of Mr. Conrad to come all that
way to see you! That’s what I call being
a friend now!”
Then came the real object of her visit I
saw it coming.
“I hear you’re to have
a house-party at Castle Raa. Jimmy’s in
his room writing piles of invitations. He has
asked me and I should love to go, but of course I
cannot do so without you wish it. Do you?”
What could I say? What I did
say I scarcely know. I only know that at the
next minute Alma’s arms were round my neck, and
she was saying:
“You dear, sweet, unselfish
little soul! Come let me kiss you.”
It was done. I had committed
myself. After all what right had I to raise myself
on a moral pinnacle now? And what did it matter,
anyway? I was flying from the danger of my own
infidelities, not to save my husband from his.
Price had been in the room during
this interview and when it was over I was ashamed
to look at her.
“I can’t understand you,
my lady; I really can’t,” she said.
Next day I wrote a little letter to
Martin on the Scotia telling him of our change
of plans, but forbidding him to trouble to come up
to say good-bye, yet half hoping he would disregard
my injunction.
He did. Before I left my bedroom
next morning I heard his voice in the sitting-room
talking to Price, who with considerable emphasis was
giving her views of Alma.
When I joined him I thought his face
(which had grown to be very powerful) looked hard
and strained; but his voice was as soft as ever while
he said I was doing right in going home and that my
native air must be good for me.
“But what’s this Price
tells me that Madame is going with you?”
I tried to make light of that, but
I broke down badly, for his eyes were on me, and I
could see that he thought I was concealing the truth.
For some minutes he looked perplexed,
as if trying to understand how it came to pass that
sickening, as he believed I was, at the sight of my
husband’s infidelities I was yet carrying the
provocative cause of them away with me, and then he
said again:
“I hate that woman. She’s
like a snake. I feel as if I want to put my foot
on it. I will, too, one of these days bet
your life I will.”
It hurt me to hide anything from him,
but how could I tell him that it was not from Alma
I was flying but from himself?
When the day came for our departure
I hoped I might get away without seeing Martin again.
We did get out of the hotel and into the railway station,
yet no sooner was I seated in the carriage than (in
the cruel war that was going on within me) I felt
dreadfully down that he was not there to see me off.
But at the very last moment, just
as Alma with her spaniel under her arm, and my husband
with his terrier on a strap, were about to step into
the train, up came Martin like a gust of mountain wind.
“Helloa!” he cried.
“I shall be seeing you soon. Everything’s
settled about the expedition. We’re to
sail the first week in September, so as to get the
summer months in the Antarctic. But before that
I must go over to the island to say good-bye to the
old folks, and I’ll see you at your father’s
I suppose.”
Then Alma gave my husband a significant glance and
said:
“But, Mary, my love, wouldn’t
it be better for Mr. Conrad to come to Castle Raa?
You won’t be able to go about very much.
Remember your delicate condition, you know.”
“Of course, why of course,”
said my husband. “That’s quite true,
and if Mr. Conrad will do me the honour to accept
my hospitality for a few days. . . .”
It was what I wanted above everything
on earth, and yet I said:
“No, no! It wouldn’t
be fair. Martin will be too busy at the last
moment.”
But Martin himself jumped in eagerly with:
“Certainly! Delighted! Greatest pleasure
in the world.”
And then, while Alma gave my husband
a look of arch triumph to which he replied with a
painful smile, Martin leaned over to me and whispered”
“Hush! I want to! I must!” though
what he meant by that I never knew.
He continued to look at me with a
tender expression until we said good-bye; but after
the carriage door had been closed and the engine had
throbbed, and the guard had whistled, I thought I had
never seen his strong face so stern as when the train
moved from the platform.