The desire to write was stirring in
Martin once more. Stories and poems were springing
into spontaneous creation in his brain, and he made
notes of them against the future time when he would
give them expression. But he did not write.
This was his little vacation; he had resolved to
devote it to rest and love, and in both matters he
prospered. He was soon spilling over with vitality,
and each day he saw Ruth, at the moment of meeting,
she experienced the old shock of his strength and health.
“Be careful,” her mother
warned her once again. “I am afraid you
are seeing too much of Martin Eden.”
But Ruth laughed from security.
She was sure of herself, and in a few days he would
be off to sea. Then, by the time he returned,
she would be away on her visit East. There was
a magic, however, in the strength and health of Martin.
He, too, had been told of her contemplated Eastern
trip, and he felt the need for haste. Yet he
did not know how to make love to a girl like Ruth.
Then, too, he was handicapped by the possession of
a great fund of experience with girls and women who
had been absolutely different from her. They
had known about love and life and flirtation, while
she knew nothing about such things. Her prodigious
innocence appalled him, freezing on his lips all ardors
of speech, and convincing him, in spite of himself,
of his own unworthiness. Also he was handicapped
in another way. He had himself never been in
love before. He had liked women in that turgid
past of his, and been fascinated by some of them,
but he had not known what it was to love them.
He had whistled in a masterful, careless way, and
they had come to him. They had been diversions,
incidents, part of the game men play, but a small
part at most. And now, and for the first time,
he was a suppliant, tender and timid and doubting.
He did not know the way of love, nor its speech,
while he was frightened at his loved one’s clear
innocence.
In the course of getting acquainted
with a varied world, whirling on through the ever
changing phases of it, he had learned a rule of conduct
which was to the effect that when one played a strange
game, he should let the other fellow play first.
This had stood him in good stead a thousand times
and trained him as an observer as well. He knew
how to watch the thing that was strange, and to wait
for a weakness, for a place of entrance, to divulge
itself. It was like sparring for an opening in
fist-fighting. And when such an opening came,
he knew by long experience to play for it and to play
hard.
So he waited with Ruth and watched,
desiring to speak his love but not daring. He
was afraid of shocking her, and he was not sure of
himself. Had he but known it, he was following
the right course with her. Love came into the
world before articulate speech, and in its own early
youth it had learned ways and means that it had never
forgotten. It was in this old, primitive way
that Martin wooed Ruth. He did not know he was
doing it at first, though later he divined it.
The touch of his hand on hers was vastly more potent
than any word he could utter, the impact of his strength
on her imagination was more alluring than the printed
poems and spoken passions of a thousand generations
of lovers. Whatever his tongue could express
would have appealed, in part, to her judgment; but
the touch of hand, the fleeting contact, made its way
directly to her instinct. Her judgment was as
young as she, but her instincts were as old as the
race and older. They had been young when love
was young, and they were wiser than convention and
opinion and all the new-born things. So her judgment
did not act. There was no call upon it, and she
did not realize the strength of the appeal Martin
made from moment to moment to her love-nature.
That he loved her, on the other hand, was as clear
as day, and she consciously delighted in beholding
his love-manifestations the glowing eyes
with their tender lights, the trembling hands, and
the never failing swarthy flush that flooded darkly
under his sunburn. She even went farther, in
a timid way inciting him, but doing it so delicately
that he never suspected, and doing it half-consciously,
so that she scarcely suspected herself. She thrilled
with these proofs of her power that proclaimed her
a woman, and she took an Eve-like delight in tormenting
him and playing upon him.
Tongue-tied by inexperience and by
excess of ardor, wooing unwittingly and awkwardly,
Martin continued his approach by contact. The
touch of his hand was pleasant to her, and something
deliciously more than pleasant. Martin did not
know it, but he did know that it was not distasteful
to her. Not that they touched hands often, save
at meeting and parting; but that in handling the bicycles,
in strapping on the books of verse they carried into
the hills, and in conning the pages of books side
by side, there were opportunities for hand to stray
against hand. And there were opportunities, too,
for her hair to brush his cheek, and for shoulder
to touch shoulder, as they leaned together over the
beauty of the books. She smiled to herself at
vagrant impulses which arose from nowhere and suggested
that she rumple his hair; while he desired greatly,
when they tired of reading, to rest his head in her
lap and dream with closed eyes about the future that
was to be theirs. On Sunday picnics at Shellmound
Park and Schuetzen Park, in the past, he had rested
his head on many laps, and, usually, he had slept
soundly and selfishly while the girls shaded his face
from the sun and looked down and loved him and wondered
at his lordly carelessness of their love. To
rest his head in a girl’s lap had been the easiest
thing in the world until now, and now he found Ruth’s
lap inaccessible and impossible. Yet it was right
here, in his reticence, that the strength of his wooing
lay. It was because of this reticence that he
never alarmed her. Herself fastidious and timid,
she never awakened to the perilous trend of their intercourse.
Subtly and unaware she grew toward him and closer
to him, while he, sensing the growing closeness, longed
to dare but was afraid.
Once he dared, one afternoon, when
he found her in the darkened living room with a blinding
headache.
“Nothing can do it any good,”
she had answered his inquiries. “And besides,
I don’t take headache powders. Doctor Hall
won’t permit me.”
“I can cure it, I think, and
without drugs,” was Martin’s answer.
“I am not sure, of course, but I’d like
to try. It’s simply massage. I learned
the trick first from the Japanese. They are a
race of masseurs, you know. Then I learned it
all over again with variations from the Hawaiians.
They call it lomi-lomi. It can accomplish
most of the things drugs accomplish and a few things
that drugs can’t.”
Scarcely had his hands touched her
head when she sighed deeply.
“That is so good,” she said.
She spoke once again, half an hour
later, when she asked, “Aren’t you tired?”
The question was perfunctory, and
she knew what the answer would be. Then she
lost herself in drowsy contemplation of the soothing
balm of his strength: Life poured from the ends
of his fingers, driving the pain before it, or so
it seemed to her, until with the easement of pain,
she fell asleep and he stole away.
She called him up by telephone that evening to thank
him.
“I slept until dinner,”
she said. “You cured me completely, Mr.
Eden, and I don’t know how to thank you.”
He was warm, and bungling of speech,
and very happy, as he replied to her, and there was
dancing in his mind, throughout the telephone conversation,
the memory of Browning and of sickly Elizabeth Barrett.
What had been done could be done again, and he, Martin
Eden, could do it and would do it for Ruth Morse.
He went back to his room and to the volume of Spencer’s
“Sociology” lying open on the bed.
But he could not read. Love tormented him and
overrode his will, so that, despite all determination,
he found himself at the little ink-stained table.
The sonnet he composed that night was the first of
a love-cycle of fifty sonnets which was completed
within two months. He had the “Love-sonnets
from the Portuguese” in mind as he wrote, and
he wrote under the best conditions for great work,
at a climacteric of living, in the throes of his own
sweet love-madness.
The many hours he was not with Ruth
he devoted to the “Love-cycle,” to reading
at home, or to the public reading-rooms, where he got
more closely in touch with the magazines of the day
and the nature of their policy and content.
The hours he spent with Ruth were maddening alike in
promise and in inconclusiveness. It was a week
after he cured her headache that a moonlight sail
on Lake Merritt was proposed by Norman and seconded
by Arthur and Olney. Martin was the only one
capable of handling a boat, and he was pressed into
service. Ruth sat near him in the stern, while
the three young fellows lounged amidships, deep in
a wordy wrangle over “frat” affairs.
The moon had not yet risen, and Ruth,
gazing into the starry vault of the sky and exchanging
no speech with Martin, experienced a sudden feeling
of loneliness. She glanced at him. A puff
of wind was heeling the boat over till the deck was
awash, and he, one hand on tiller and the other on
main-sheet, was luffing slightly, at the same time
peering ahead to make out the near-lying north shore.
He was unaware of her gaze, and she watched him intently,
speculating fancifully about the strange warp of soul
that led him, a young man with signal powers, to fritter
away his time on the writing of stories and poems
foredoomed to mediocrity and failure.
Her eyes wandered along the strong
throat, dimly seen in the starlight, and over the
firm-poised head, and the old desire to lay her hands
upon his neck came back to her. The strength
she abhorred attracted her. Her feeling of loneliness
became more pronounced, and she felt tired. Her
position on the heeling boat irked her, and she remembered
the headache he had cured and the soothing rest that
resided in him. He was sitting beside her, quite
beside her, and the boat seemed to tilt her toward
him. Then arose in her the impulse to lean against
him, to rest herself against his strength a
vague, half-formed impulse, which, even as she considered
it, mastered her and made her lean toward him.
Or was it the heeling of the boat? She did
not know. She never knew. She knew only
that she was leaning against him and that the easement
and soothing rest were very good. Perhaps it
had been the boat’s fault, but she made no effort
to retrieve it. She leaned lightly against his
shoulder, but she leaned, and she continued to lean
when he shifted his position to make it more comfortable
for her.
It was a madness, but she refused
to consider the madness. She was no longer herself
but a woman, with a woman’s clinging need; and
though she leaned ever so lightly, the need seemed
satisfied. She was no longer tired. Martin
did not speak. Had he, the spell would have been
broken. But his reticence of love prolonged it.
He was dazed and dizzy. He could not understand
what was happening. It was too wonderful to be
anything but a delirium. He conquered a mad desire
to let go sheet and tiller and to clasp her in his
arms. His intuition told him it was the wrong
thing to do, and he was glad that sheet and tiller
kept his hands occupied and fended off temptation.
But he luffed the boat less delicately, spilling
the wind shamelessly from the sail so as to prolong
the tack to the north shore. The shore would
compel him to go about, and the contact would be broken.
He sailed with skill, stopping way on the boat without
exciting the notice of the wranglers, and mentally
forgiving his hardest voyages in that they had made
this marvellous night possible, giving him mastery
over sea and boat and wind so that he could sail with
her beside him, her dear weight against him on his
shoulder.
When the first light of the rising
moon touched the sail, illuminating the boat with
pearly radiance, Ruth moved away from him. And,
even as she moved, she felt him move away. The
impulse to avoid detection was mutual. The episode
was tacitly and secretly intimate. She sat apart
from him with burning cheeks, while the full force
of it came home to her. She had been guilty
of something she would not have her brothers see,
nor Olney see. Why had she done it? She
had never done anything like it in her life, and yet
she had been moonlight-sailing with young men before.
She had never desired to do anything like it.
She was overcome with shame and with the mystery
of her own burgeoning womanhood. She stole a
glance at Martin, who was busy putting the boat about
on the other tack, and she could have hated him for
having made her do an immodest and shameful thing.
And he, of all men! Perhaps her mother was
right, and she was seeing too much of him. It
would never happen again, she resolved, and she would
see less of him in the future. She entertained
a wild idea of explaining to him the first time they
were alone together, of lying to him, of mentioning
casually the attack of faintness that had overpowered
her just before the moon came up. Then she remembered
how they had drawn mutually away before the revealing
moon, and she knew he would know it for a lie.
In the days that swiftly followed
she was no longer herself but a strange, puzzling
creature, wilful over judgment and scornful of self-analysis,
refusing to peer into the future or to think about
herself and whither she was drifting. She was
in a fever of tingling mystery, alternately frightened
and charmed, and in constant bewilderment. She
had one idea firmly fixed, however, which insured her
security. She would not let Martin speak his
love. As long as she did this, all would be
well. In a few days he would be off to sea.
And even if he did speak, all would be well.
It could not be otherwise, for she did not love him.
Of course, it would be a painful half hour for him,
and an embarrassing half hour for her, because it
would be her first proposal. She thrilled deliciously
at the thought. She was really a woman, with
a man ripe to ask for her in marriage. It was
a lure to all that was fundamental in her sex.
The fabric of her life, of all that constituted her,
quivered and grew tremulous. The thought fluttered
in her mind like a flame-attracted moth. She
went so far as to imagine Martin proposing, herself
putting the words into his mouth; and she rehearsed
her refusal, tempering it with kindness and exhorting
him to true and noble manhood. And especially
he must stop smoking cigarettes. She would make
a point of that. But no, she must not let him
speak at all. She could stop him, and she had
told her mother that she would. All flushed and
burning, she regretfully dismissed the conjured situation.
Her first proposal would have to be deferred to a
more propitious time and a more eligible suitor.