Woloda was lying reading a French
novel on the sofa when I paid my usual visit to his
room after my evening lessons. He looked up at
me for a moment from his book, and then went on reading.
This perfectly simple and natural movement, however,
offended me. I conceived that the glance implied
a question why I had come and a wish to hide his thoughts
from me (I may say that at that period a tendency
to attach a meaning to the most insignificant of acts
formed a prominent feature in my character).
So I went to the table and also took up a book to read.
Yet, even before I had actually begun reading, the
idea struck me how ridiculous it was that, although
we had never seen one another all day, we should have
not a word to exchange.
“Are you going to stay in to-night, Woloda?”
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Oh, because ”
Seeing that the conversation did not promise to be
a success, I took up my book again, and began to read.
Yet it was a strange thing that, though we sometimes
passed whole hours together without speaking when
we were alone, the mere presence of a third sometimes
of a taciturn and wholly uninteresting person sufficed
to plunge us into the most varied and engrossing of
discussions. The truth was that we knew one another
too well, and to know a person either too well or
too little acts as a bar to intimacy.
“Is Woloda at home?” came in Dubkoff’s
voice from the ante-room.
“Yes!” shouted Woloda, springing up and
throwing aside his book.
Dubkoff and Nechludoff entered.
“Are you coming to the theatre, Woloda?”
“No, I have no time,” he replied with
a blush.
“Oh, never mind that. Come along.”
“But I haven’t got a ticket.”
“Tickets, as many as you like, at the entrance.”
“Very well, then; I’ll
be back in a minute,” said Woloda evasively as
he left the room. I knew very well that he wanted
to go, but that he had declined because he had no
money, and had now gone to borrow five roubles of
one of the servants to be repaid when he
got his next allowance.
“How do you do, diplomat?”
said Dubkoff to me as he shook me by the hand.
Woloda’s friends had called me by that nickname
since the day when Grandmamma had said at luncheon
that Woloda must go into the army, but that she would
like to see me in the diplomatic service, dressed in
a black frock-coat, and with my hair arranged a la
coq (the two essential requirements, in her opinion,
of a diplomat).
“Where has Woloda gone to?” asked Nechludoff.
“I don’t know,”
I replied, blushing to think that nevertheless they
had probably guessed his errand.
“I suppose he has no money?
Yes, I can see I am right, O diplomatist,” he
added, taking my smile as an answer in the affirmative.
“Well, I have none, either. Have you any,
Dubkoff?”
“I’ll see,” replied
Dubkoff, feeling for his pocket, and rummaging gingerly
about with his squat little fingers among his small
change. “Yes, here are five copecks-twenty,
but that’s all,” he concluded with a comic
gesture of his hand.
At this point Woloda re-entered.
“Are we going?”
“No.”
“What an odd fellow you are!”
said Nechludoff. “Why don’t you say
that you have no money? Here, take my ticket.”
“But what are you going to do?”
“He can go into his cousin’s box,”
said Dubkoff.
“No, I’m not going at all,” replied
Nechludoff.
“Why?”
“Because I hate sitting in a box.”
“And for what reason?”
“I don’t know. Somehow I feel uncomfortable
there.”
“Always the same! I can’t
understand a fellow feeling uncomfortable when he
is sitting with people who are fond of him. It
is unnatural, mon cher.”
“But what else is there to be
done si je suis tant timide?
You never blushed in your life, but I do at the least
trifle,” and he blushed at that moment.
“Do you know what that nervousness
of yours proceeds from?” said Dubkoff in a protecting
sort of tone, “D’un excès d’amour
propre, mon cher.”
“What do you mean by ’excès
d’amour propre’?” asked Nechludoff,
highly offended. “On the contrary, I am
shy just because I have too little amour
propre. I always feel as though I were being
tiresome and disagreeable, and therefore ”
“Well, get ready, Woloda,”
interrupted Dubkoff, tapping my brother on the shoulder
and handing him his cloak. “Ignaz, get your
master ready.”
“Therefore,” continued
Nechludoff, “it often happens with me that ”
But Dubkoff was not listening.
“Tra-la-la-la,” and
he hummed a popular air.
“Oh, but I’m not going
to let you off,” went on Nechludoff. “I
mean to prove to you that my shyness is not the result
of conceit.”
“You can prove it as we go along.”
“But I have told you that I am not going.”
“Well, then, stay here and prove
it to the diplomat, and he can tell us all about
it when we return.”
“Yes, that’s what I will
do,” said Nechludoff with boyish obstinacy, “so
hurry up with your return.”
“Well, do you think I am egotistic?”
he continued, seating himself beside me.
True, I had a definite opinion on
the subject, but I felt so taken aback by this unexpected
question that at first I could make no reply.
“Yes, I do think so,”
I said at length in a faltering voice, and colouring
at the thought that at last the moment had come when
I could show him that I was clever. “I
think that everybody is egotistic, and that everything
we do is done out of egotism.”
“But what do you call egotism?”
asked Nechludoff smiling, as I thought,
a little contemptuously.
“Egotism is a conviction that
we are better and cleverer than any one else,”
I replied.
“But how can we all be
filled with this conviction?” he inquired.
“Well, I don’t know if
I am right or not certainly no one but myself
seems to hold the opinion but I believe
that I am wiser than any one else in the world, and
that all of you know it.”
“At least I can say for myself,”
observed Nechludoff, “that I have met a few
people whom I believe to excel me in wisdom.”
“It is impossible,” I replied with conviction.
“Do you really think so?” he said, looking
at me gravely.
“Yes, really,” I answered,
and an idea crossed my mind which I proceeded to expound
further. “Let me prove it to you. Why
do we love ourselves better than any one else?
Because we think ourselves better than any one
else more worthy of our own love. If
we thought others better than ourselves, we should
love them better than ourselves: but that
is never the case. And even if it were so, I
should still be right,” I added with an involuntary
smile of complacency.
For a few minutes Nechludoff was silent.
“I never thought you were so
clever,” he said with a smile so goodhumoured
and charming that I at once felt happy.
Praise exercises an all-potent influence,
not only upon the feelings, but also upon the intellect;
so that under the influence of that agreeable sensation
I straightway felt much cleverer than before, and
thoughts began to rush with extraordinary rapidity
through my head. From egotism we passed insensibly
to the theme of love, which seemed inexhaustible.
Although our reasonings might have sounded nonsensical
to a listener (so vague and one-sided were they),
for ourselves they had a profound significance.
Our minds were so perfectly in harmony that not a
chord was struck in the one without awakening an echo
in the other, and in this harmonious striking of different
chords we found the greatest delight. Indeed,
we felt as though time and language were insufficient
to express the thoughts which seethed within us.