In the evening Andrew and Pierre got
into the open carriage and drove to Bald Hills.
Prince Andrew, glancing at Pierre, broke the silence
now and then with remarks which showed that he was
in a good temper.
Pointing to the fields, he spoke of
the improvements he was making in his husbandry.
Pierre remained gloomily silent, answering
in monosyllables and apparently immersed in his own
thoughts.
He was thinking that Prince Andrew
was unhappy, had gone astray, did not see the true
light, and that he, Pierre, ought to aid, enlighten,
and raise him. But as soon as he thought of what
he should say, he felt that Prince Andrew with one
word, one argument, would upset all his teaching,
and he shrank from beginning, afraid of exposing to
possible ridicule what to him was precious and sacred.
“No, but why do you think so?”
Pierre suddenly began, lowering his head and looking
like a bull about to charge, “why do you think
so? You should not think so.”
“Think? What about?” asked Prince
Andrew with surprise.
“About life, about man’s
destiny. It can’t be so. I myself thought
like that, and do you know what saved me? Freemasonry!
No, don’t smile. Freemasonry is not a religious
ceremonial sect, as I thought it was: Freemasonry
is the best expression of the best, the eternal, aspects
of humanity.”
And he began to explain Freemasonry
as he understood it to Prince Andrew. He said
that Freemasonry is the teaching of Christianity freed
from the bonds of State and Church, a teaching of equality,
brotherhood, and love.
“Only our holy brotherhood has
the real meaning of life, all the rest is a dream,”
said Pierre. “Understand, my dear fellow,
that outside this union all is filled with deceit
and falsehood and I agree with you that nothing is
left for an intelligent and good man but to live out
his life, like you, merely trying not to harm others.
But make our fundamental convictions your own, join
our brotherhood, give yourself up to us, let yourself
be guided, and you will at once feel yourself, as I
have felt myself, a part of that vast invisible chain
the beginning of which is hidden in heaven,”
said Pierre.
Prince Andrew, looking straight in
front of him, listened in silence to Pierre’s
words. More than once, when the noise of the wheels
prevented his catching what Pierre said, he asked
him to repeat it, and by the peculiar glow that came
into Prince Andrew’s eyes and by his silence,
Pierre saw that his words were not in vain and that
Prince Andrew would not interrupt him or laugh at
what he said.
They reached a river that had overflowed
its banks and which they had to cross by ferry.
While the carriage and horses were being placed on
it, they also stepped on the raft.
Prince Andrew, leaning his arms on
the raft railing, gazed silently at the flooding waters
glittering in the setting sun.
“Well, what do you think about
it?” Pierre asked. “Why are you silent?”
“What do I think about it?
I am listening to you. It’s all very well....
You say: join our brotherhood and we will show
you the aim of life, the destiny of man, and the laws
which govern the world. But who are we?
Men. How is it you know everything? Why do
I alone not see what you see? You see a reign
of goodness and truth on earth, but I don’t see
it.”
Pierre interrupted him.
“Do you believe in a future life?” he
asked.
“A future life?” Prince
Andrew repeated, but Pierre, giving him no time to
reply, took the repetition for a denial, the more readily
as he knew Prince Andrew’s former atheistic
convictions.
“You say you can’t see
a reign of goodness and truth on earth. Nor could
I, and it cannot be seen if one looks on our life here
as the end of everything. On earth, here on this
earth” (Pierre pointed to the fields), “there
is no truth, all is false and evil; but in the universe,
in the whole universe there is a kingdom of truth,
and we who are now the children of earth are eternally children
of the whole universe. Don’t I feel in
my soul that I am part of this vast harmonious whole?
Don’t I feel that I form one link, one step,
between the lower and higher beings, in this vast
harmonious multitude of beings in whom the Deity the
Supreme Power if you prefer the term is
manifest? If I see, clearly see, that ladder
leading from plant to man, why should I suppose it
breaks off at me and does not go farther and farther?
I feel that I cannot vanish, since nothing vanishes
in this world, but that I shall always exist and always
have existed. I feel that beyond me and above
me there are spirits, and that in this world there
is truth.”
“Yes, that is Herder’s
theory,” said Prince Andrew, “but it is
not that which can convince me, dear friend life
and death are what convince. What convinces is
when one sees a being dear to one, bound up with one’s
own life, before whom one was to blame and had hoped
to make it right” (Prince Andrew’s voice
trembled and he turned away), “and suddenly that
being is seized with pain, suffers, and ceases to exist....
Why? It cannot be that there is no answer.
And I believe there is.... That’s what
convinces, that is what has convinced me,” said
Prince Andrew.
“Yes, yes, of course,”
said Pierre, “isn’t that what I’m
saying?”
“No. All I say is that
it is not argument that convinces me of the necessity
of a future life, but this: when you go hand in
hand with someone and all at once that person vanishes
there, into nowhere, and you yourself are left facing
that abyss, and look in. And I have looked in....”
“Well, that’s it then!
You know that there is a there and there is a Someone?
There is the future life. The Someone is God.”
Prince Andrew did not reply.
The carriage and horses had long since been taken
off, onto the farther bank, and reharnessed. The
sun had sunk half below the horizon and an evening
frost was starring the puddles near the ferry, but
Pierre and Andrew, to the astonishment of the footmen,
coachmen, and ferrymen, still stood on the raft and
talked.
“If there is a God and future
life, there is truth and good, and man’s highest
happiness consists in striving to attain them.
We must live, we must love, and we must believe that
we live not only today on this scrap of earth, but
have lived and shall live forever, there, in the Whole,”
said Pierre, and he pointed to the sky.
Prince Andrew stood leaning on the
railing of the raft listening to Pierre, and he gazed
with his eyes fixed on the red reflection of the sun
gleaming on the blue waters. There was perfect
stillness. Pierre became silent. The raft
had long since stopped and only the waves of the current
beat softly against it below. Prince Andrew felt
as if the sound of the waves kept up a refrain to
Pierre’s words, whispering:
“It is true, believe it.”
He sighed, and glanced with a radiant,
childlike, tender look at Pierre’s face, flushed
and rapturous, but yet shy before his superior friend.
“Yes, if it only were so!”
said Prince Andrew. “However, it is time
to get on,” he added, and, stepping off the
raft, he looked up at the sky to which Pierre had
pointed, and for the first time since Austerlitz saw
that high, everlasting sky he had seen while lying
on that battlefield; and something that had long been
slumbering, something that was best within him, suddenly
awoke, joyful and youthful, in his soul. It vanished
as soon as he returned to the customary conditions
of his life, but he knew that this feeling which he
did not know how to develop existed within him.
His meeting with Pierre formed an epoch in Prince
Andrew’s life. Though outwardly he continued
to live in the same old way, inwardly he began a new
life.