He was her brother. The thought
gave her the same thrill this morning as it had given
her on a morning seventeen years back, when the old
family doctor had laid a tiny bundle in her arms and
said, “You’ll have to be his sister and
mother both, Elizabeth.”
Her twelve years then hung heavily
on her; her little face, stained with the marks of
recent tears, took on a warmer glow as she touched
the baby’s hand. She had unfolded the baby
blanket and slipped on his first little clothes.
And as she dressed him, she felt a sense of loss; with
every fresh garment he seemed to become less of an
angel and more of a human being. The same feeling
of loss was now in her heart as she folded his great
Indian blankets, slipped his photographs into the case
and filled the nooks and crevices of his trunk with
“little surprises” to drive away the first
bitter longings for home. She lifted a thick white
wool sweater; it brought the memory of a little soft
flannel shirt. She buried her face in its folds
and murmured in a tearful voice, “Why, he is
my man brother and I am sending him from home to college.”
His foot sounded on the stairway;
his clear boyish voice called, “Beth, where
are you?”
Before she could answer he entered
the room. Throwing several bundles onto the bed,
he gave a sigh of relief. He tugged impatiently
at the strings as he explained: “These
are some things the girls made me. It’s
great to be going away, isn’t it? Why, I
feel just like I was getting out of a cage; I feel
like I was going to fly. Say, what is this, anyway?”
He held up a small book, shaped to
resemble the bud of a flower. It was made of
white water-colour paper and every leaf was fastened
to the other leaves by small white cords. On
the front was the picture of a baby; on the back was
a pair of black kid doll shoes.
“Where did you get it?” his sister asked.
“Rose gave it to me; she told
me a long time ago that she was making me a book of
memories; that I was to open just one page a week.
That’s my baby picture, all right, but why on
earth has she put those doll slippers on the back?
And why is it shaped in this funny way? What
makes girls such queer creatures, anyway, Beth?”
She laughed. “I guess,
Floyd, if this is a book of memories, that last page
is to picture the last great event of your life your
graduation night. Don’t you remember how
your new patent leathers pinched your feet, so that
you limped across the platform after your diploma?
It is shaped like a rosebud, for it is like that.
Every week you will open a new petal, and finally,
when you have opened them all, it will be a full-blown
rose. When you come back Rose will have unfolded
a few petals, too.”
“Well, I am going to unfold
every one of these right now. I never could wait
that long to see what is in the centre. Of course
I have a vague idea, but I want to be sure. So
in two minutes we will know this mystery.”
“No,” she said firmly,
taking the book from his hand. “What would
the book mean to you then, Floyd? Every particle
of the pleasure the expectation would
be gone. It took Rose a long time to make this
book and you surely would not destroy its value in
a few minutes. She even formed every leaf like
a petal, so that it would give you the pleasure of
watching it unfold like a real rose. It is just
a symbol of herself a little bud of promise.”
“She’s great to think
of all that; I like her. Oh, she and Dorothy are
going to stop a minute to-night; Dot has something
for me and I want them to see some of my things.
But I do want to open this book. I guess I will
give it to you to keep until I am ready to shut this
trunk, so it won’t be such a temptation.
But let’s eat pretty soon; I am simply starved.”
At the supper table he talked incessantly
of his departure. One moment he wished that she
could go along; the next he exulted over the idea of
being in a house with a crowd of fellows. While
he talked a boy came to the door and was dragged in
by a ruthless hand. While they ate quantities
of hot waffles they talked of the “fellows and
girls.” For the most part they talked of
the girls. The sister heard new phrases a
new language; he had always used a different one to
her. They spoke of girls as “four-flushers,”
as “easies,” as “stiffs” and
“stand-patters.” Occasionally Floyd
stopped in the centre of a remark and nodded his head
warningly towards his sister, but the talkative John
rambled on, speaking in a free and easy way of the
girls he had grown up with.
During the last year Floyd had ceased
to talk to his sister about his girl friends, and
they seldom came to his home. In her presence
his comrades talked continually of school; but if
she was busy near she could hear them laughing and
chatting in tones different from the ones they used
when she was there. She had tried in every way
she could to attract them to her home, for formerly
they had come in great crowds. But Floyd did
not seem to want them; he preferred going to their
homes. At times she wondered if she had been
in their way when they had come.
When the two girls came she greeted
them warmly; they had belonged to the crowd which
had come in the past often for cookies and for help
in long, knotty problems. Then, thinking they
might not remain if she was present, she went into
the next room. Through the open door she watched
them. She could not help watching; she had been
deprived of all her girlhood and now she wanted to
enjoy theirs.
Dorothy, a dimpled, laughing girl
with great, brown eyes and masses of curls which were
always rumpled, threw her hat into a chair and was
soon seated between the two boys, showing them the
posters she had made for Floyd. The sister saw
Floyd move very close to the girl and lay his hand
on her shoulder with a caressing movement; she caught
the glance that he gave a glance full of
bold admiration and meaning. Rose stood near
the table, watching the other girl. In her eyes
was a look of longing, and yet it was mingled with
fear. The three on the sofa soon drew her into
their circle, John was open in his admiration of both
girls; he tried to distribute his caresses with an
impartial hand, but the little Rose drew away with
that expression of dread in her eyes. Floyd was
not so bold; he lightly laid his hand on her hand,
and when she did not resent it clasped it more firmly.
Her face flushed, but she suffered the hand to remain.
Elizabeth was called from the room
by some visitors. When they had finally gone
she came back to her former seat. She saw a new
brother, a different one from the one she knew.
He was talking in a boisterous tone.
“When are you going to kiss me good-bye, Dot?”
he asked.
“Right at the station,” she answered laughingly.
“Honour bright?” He asked.
“Honour bright,” she promised.
“You are all right,” he
exclaimed. “Rose is too bashful for that.”
Then he hinted, “But you see I am going to take
her home to-night.”
Rose coloured as he gave her a significant
look. She pushed his hand from her arm and walked
to the piano. But there was a wavering, an uncertainty
in her face. He had been her comrade so long and
she really liked him.
The watching sister made a quick decision.
When the girls rose to go, she stood up saying, “Floyd,
I want you and John to watch the house. I have
to see Rose’s mother to-night; to-morrow you
can see the girls again.”
There came a flush of annoyance on
the boyish face, followed by one of anger. He
knew his sister had been listening. But he was
still too loyal to criticize her to John, who, when
they were alone, openly denounced her for her meddling.
When she returned Floyd was alone.
He sat sulky and silent. She busied herself with
the household cares for a few minutes. Soon she
went over to the lounge and sat down beside him.
She put her arm around him and kissed his forehead.
“Let’s don’t be angry on our last
night,” she begged.
“Why did you do it?” he
asked. “I know you heard what I said to
Rose, but what is she to you?”
“A great deal,” she responded,
“but not so much as the boy I love so dearly the
boy I have been a mother to, and yet I haven’t
been a true mother, for I never have talked to you
of these things because they were hard. You see
I have failed in my duty.”
Instantly he was all tenderness.
He drew her down into his boyish long arms and laid
his head against hers. “You have not failed
in anything, you darling!” he cried. “But
it wouldn’t hurt me. I’m a man.
All the fellows do that way.”
“How do you know?”
“They tell about it. We
don’t all talk about it in a crowd, but just
when we are together, like John and me.”
“Does John treat Rose that way?”
The boy grew warm in a minute.
“He’d better not; he went too far to suit
me to-night.”
“Why did he?” she asked
quietly. “You were rather free towards
Dorothy.”
“Dorothy is different; she’s
a she’s well, she’s
a jolly good fellow, but Rose well, I like
Rose, and every fellow better keep his hands off her.
I don’t want a girl all the fellows can love;
but I’m different. Those things don’t
hurt a fellow; he’s coarser and well,
it’s expected of him.”
“But they do hurt you,”
she said. “The little book of memories that
Rose gave you this afternoon told a story of its own.
I am going to tell you this story.”
He looked away into the distance, and she began.
“Once there was a man who went
into a garden. All around him were beautiful
roses of all colours. But he chose a little white
bud for his. He chose it because it was pure
and white, but most of all because it was closed.
No other person could see into its heart. While
he was waiting for it to unfold he walked around to
enjoy the other flowers. He studied their colouring
and he breathed their perfume. For a long time
he enjoyed this; then he wanted to get nearer to these
roses, to handle them. Other travellers were
handling them and they seemed to enjoy themselves
more than he did. So he touched one rather timidly;
others he was not so careful with. At last he
grew tired and wandered back to his own rosebud and
lo! it had opened. It stood the whitest and most
fragrant rose in the garden, and its heart was the
dewiest and most tender. But he remembered the
crimson roses and it seemed too white. Then he
could not detect its fragrance, for he had killed his
sense of smell by its abuse with the other roses,
some of which stood as high and beautiful as before,
but others were left bruised and broken by his ruthless
desire to please, yes, to indulge himself. As
he plucked his own rose, he was aware of no sense
of joy over it, except from pride, for many travellers
cast him envious glances. But he could not see
its unusual beauty; he could not get the fragrance
from its heart, because his sense of sight had been
dulled by the brilliancy of the other flowers and
his sense of smell by their odour.
“Nor did he think of the little
buds in the garden that he had touched and then left.
They would perhaps open, but the petals he had touched
would always be brown and torn. The passers-by
might not see them when the flowers had opened and
revealed their hearts, but the men who had plucked
them would not at once, but when they had
become less entranced and were seeking for defects.
Then perhaps they would throw the roses away.
But the man who had the perfect rose the
one which was perfect because it had been well protected did
not know of the havoc he had wrought. He was
too much interested in wondering why he did not enjoy
his rose, why it seemed so commonplace and really tiresome.
He did not know that it was he who had become unable
to appreciate it, through his own indulgence begun
in an idle moment, while he had waited for his flower
to blossom.”
She paused to look into his face.
He was listening. Then she went on:
“You say you are a man; you
have only thought of one side; you have only wanted
the perfect rose. You may get one, but if you
do it will be one which has been carefully guarded.
You are not intending to break or bruise the other
roses; you are just going to handle them because the
other boys do. You will enjoy their fragrance,
but you will leave wounded petals. Then after
a time, if you travel far enough into the garden,
you will grow indifferent to the havoc you are doing
and will carelessly crush the flowers. You may
grow so cruel that you will enjoy it. There are
men who do, and they started out as free from intention
to harm as you were to-night. You caressed Dorothy;
John caressed her. The next boy who comes along
will find it easier to be free with her, and unless
there is some one who cares enough to guard her she
will be torn from the stem before she has blossomed.
If you had kissed Rose to-night it would have been
easy for you to kiss her again. You haven’t
yet, have you?”
He shook his head.
“I am so glad,” she continued.
“It will be so much better for her. If
she permits you these familiarities she will permit
others the same ones. She may soon become as
reckless as Dorothy, and then we dare not think of
the future. You can see now what a wonderful flower
she promises to make. She is a perfect little
bud. Would you not hate to think that you were
spoiling the promise of that bud?”
“Forgive me for being so cross,” he begged.
“Yes, dear,” and she kissed
his lips. “But we are going to look at your
side now. God made you so that you have certain
desires, certain cravings, that you are to control.
Many men will say that they are only to be satisfied,
but we know better. The first kiss you give to
a girl thrills you really it is one of
the greatest minutes of your life. The next girl
you kiss seems less of a pleasure. Then after
a while it becomes a mere habit; it loses all sense
of enjoyment the holiness has long since
been done away with. Stronger desires than kissing
arise and soon you are not the man God intended you
to be. You will have a low idea of women.
Even your wife, if you get the sweetest and purest
in the world, will not seem so to you. Marriage
will not be a sacred fulfillment; it will be a commonplace
event.”
His arms had tightened around her, but he was silent.
“And,” she continued,
“your future career as a man will be touched.
You cannot think clearly or act quickly when any of
the senses of your body have been impaired. Lust
kills ambition, ability and power. I do not mean
that every boy who starts in this way has the same
fatal ending, but a great many do. There is the
half-way place where many men stop; yet you will find
they are not real men. It will be so much holier
and better to stay at the beginning.”
She sat silent, waiting for him to
speak. At last he did. “Of course,
Beth, I wouldn’t want to go even half-way, now;
I wouldn’t even want to touch” and
a tender smile played around his lips “any
roses but one. But I cannot see yet why I can’t
let her know that I care for her; I will be constant.
I want to like her and I want her to like me.”
She drew a sharp breath. “You
mean you will crush the petals of your own rose, and
then enjoy the heart when it is opened. When you
come back you may not even want to see that heart;
you are just a boy. If you do, there will be
times when you will see those crushed petals and be
sorry. You may blame yourself, but you will probably
blame Rose. You may grow so discontented that
you will blame another man. If you know she allowed
you these caresses, these little familiarities, you
will think she would allow others.”
He spoke with pride. “I know Rose.”
“We will look at it from her
side. After she realizes those petals have been
crushed by you she may be afraid of the future.
She may be afraid that you have wandered far into
the garden and come back to her a worn-out traveller.
She may be afraid that you will not appreciate her
and that you will not deal rightly with her.”
He laughed. “I am not afraid of that.”
“Other girls just as constant
in their friendship as Rose have felt that way,”
she said in a low voice.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“My dear boy, I have a few wilted
petals and I know how they feel. You see, I was
like you are. There was no one to guard me and
I did just what any girl will do who does not think.
But I realized in time to save myself from only a
few brown ones, and I want to save every girl I can.
We were young and thought we knew our hearts.
My, how they changed! But they couldn’t
change those bruised petals.”
He gave a hurt cry, but he saw a face
free from suffering. It held only love for him.
“Floyd, I want to give the world
a noble man. That is the dearest wish of every
woman. I want to give some woman a pure husband;
and oh, my darling boy, I want to give you life in
its best and purest forms. I put the first little
garment on your little body; I changed you from a
little angel to a human being, and I must care for
that human being.”
“You angel!” he murmured.
She lifted his chin and looked into his clear eyes.
“I promise,” he said in a low tone.
“It will not be easy, dear.
You will have to refuse to listen to other boys, you
will have to read only good books and you will have
to think pure thoughts. Rose’s little book
will help you. You can see the baby that I am
trying to keep pure and help me do it; you can see
those doll shoes and remember how you suffered on
the night you wanted to be happy, because you wanted
to do as ‘the fellows’ did. You were
so anxious to know what was in the heart of the rose
book. I do not know, but she did tell me this.
On the second petal and you must look at
it every day is the little picture of Sir
Galahad which your first teacher gave you. Do
you remember it?”
The boy smiled dreamily as he quoted
“My strength is as the
strength of ten,
Because my heart is pure.”