The Liberry Teacher lifted her eyes
from a half-made catalogue-card, eyed the relentlessly
slow clock and checked a long wriggle of purest, frankest
weariness. Then she gave a furtive glance around
to see if the children had noticed she was off guard;
for if they had she knew the whole crowd might take
more liberties than they ought to, and have to be
spoken to by the janitor. He could do a great
deal with them, because he understood their attitude
to life, but that wasn’t good for the Liberry
Teacher’s record.
It was four o’clock of a stickily
wet Saturday. As long as it is anything from
Monday to Friday the average library attendant goes
around thanking her stars she isn’t a school-teacher;
but the last day of the week, when the rest of the
world is having its relaxing Saturday off and coming
to gloat over you as it acquires its Sunday-reading
best seller, if you work in a library you begin just
at noon to wish devoutly that you’d taken up
scrubbing-by-the-day, or hack-driving, or porch-climbing
or anything on earth that gave you a weekly
half-holiday!
So the Liberry Teacher braced herself
severely, and put on her reading-glasses with a view
to looking older and more firm. “Liberry
Teacher,” it might be well to explain, was not
her official title. Her description on the pay-roll
ran “Assistant for the Children’s Department,
Greenway Branch, City Public Library.” Grown-up
people, when she happened to run across them, called
her Miss Braithwaite. But “Liberry Teacher”
was the only name the children ever used, and she saw
scarcely anybody but the children, six days a week,
fifty-one weeks a year. As for her real name,
that nobody ever called her by, that was Phyllis
Narcissa.
She was quite willing to have such
a name as that buried out of sight. She had a
sense of fitness; and such a name belonged back in
an old New England parsonage garden full of pink roses
and nice green caterpillars and girl-dreams, and the
days before she was eighteen: not in a smutty
city library, attached to a twenty-five-year-old young
woman with reading-glasses and fine discipline and
a woolen shirt-waist!
It wasn’t that the Liberry Teacher
didn’t like her position. She not only
liked it, but she had a great deal of admiration for
it, because it had been exceedingly hard to get.
She had held it firmly now for a whole year.
Before that she had been in the Cataloguing, where
your eyes hurt and you get a little pain between your
shoulders, but you sit down and can talk to other
girls; and before that in the Circulation, where it
hurts your feet and you get ink on your fingers, but
you see lots of funny things happening. She had
started at eighteen years old, at thirty dollars a
month. Now she was twenty-five, and she got all
of fifty dollars, so she ought to have been a very
happy Liberry Teacher indeed, and generally she was.
When the children wanted to specify her particularly
they described her as “the pretty one that laughs.”
But at four o’clock of a wet Saturday afternoon,
in a badly ventilated, badly lighted room full of
damp little unwashed foreign children, even the most
sunny-hearted Liberry Teacher may be excused for having
thoughts that are a little tired and cross and restless.
She flung herself back in her desk-chair
and watched, with brazen indifference, Giovanni and
Liberata Bruno stickily pawing the colored Bird Book
that was supposed to be looked at only under supervision;
she ignored the fact that three little Czechs were
fighting over the wailing library cat; and the sounds
of conflict caused by Jimsy Hoolan’s desire
to get the last-surviving Alger book away from John
Zanowski moved her not a whit. The Liberry Teacher
had stopped, for five minutes, being grown-up and
responsible, and she was wishing wishing
hard and vengefully. This is always a risky thing
to do, because you never know when the Destinies may
overhear you and take you at your exact word.
With the detailed and careful accuracy one acquires
in library work, she was wishing for a sum of money,
a garden, and a husband but principally
a husband. This is why:
That day as she was returning from
her long-deferred twenty-minute dairy-lunch, she had
charged, umbrella down, almost full into a pretty
lady getting out of a shiny gray limousine. Such
an unnecessarily pretty lady, all furs and fluffles
and veils and perfumes and waved hair! Her cheeks
were pink and her expression was placid, and each of
her white-gloved hands held tight to a pretty picture-book
child who was wriggling with wild excitement.
One had yellow frilly hair and one had brown bobbed
hair, and both were quaintly, immaculately, expensively
kissable. They were the kind of children every
girl wishes she could have a set like, and hugs when
she gets a chance. Mother and children were making
their way, under an awning that crossed the street,
to the matinee of a fairy-play.
The Liberry Teacher smiled at the
children with more than her accustomed goodwill, and
lowered her umbrella quickly to let them pass.
The mother smiled back, a smile that changed, as the
Liberry Teacher passed, to puzzled remembrance.
The gay little family went on into the theatre, and
Phyllis Braithwaite hurried on back to her work, trying
to think who the pretty lady could have been, to have
seemed to almost remember her. Somebody who took
books out of the library, doubtless. Still the
pretty lady’s face did not seem to fit that
conjecture, though it still worried her by its vague
familiarity. Finally the solution came, just as
Phyllis was pulling off her raincoat in the dark little
cloak-room. She nearly dropped the coat.
“Eva Atkinson!” she said.
Eva Atkinson!... If it had been anybody else
but Eva!
You see, back in long-ago, in the
little leisurely windblown New England town where
Phyllis Braithwaite had lived till she was almost eighteen,
there had been a Principal Grocer. And Eva Atkinson
had been his daughter, not so very pretty, not so
very pleasant, not so very clever, and about six years
older than Phyllis. Phyllis, as she tried vainly
to make her damp, straight hair go back the way it
should, remembered hearing that Eva had married and
come to this city to live. She had never heard
where. And this had been Eva Eva, by
the grace of gold, radiantly complexioned, wonderfully
groomed, beautifully gowned, and looking twenty-four,
perhaps, at most: with a car and a placid expression
and heaps of money, and pretty, clean children!
The Liberry Teacher, severely work-garbed and weather-draggled,
jerked herself away from the small greenish cloak-room
mirror that was unkind to you at your best.
She dashed down to the basement, harried
by her usual panic-stricken twenty-minutes-late feeling.
She had only taken one glance at herself in the wiggly
mirror, but that one had been enough for her peace
of mind, supposing her to have had any left before.
She felt as if she wanted to break all the mirrors
in the world, like the wicked queen in the French
fairy-tale.
Most people rather liked the face
Phyllis saw in the mirror; but to her own eyes, fresh
from the dazzling vision of that Eva Atkinson who had
been dowdy and stupid in the far-back time when seventeen-year-old
Phyllis was “growin’ up as pretty as a
picture,” the tired, twenty-five-year-old, workaday
face in the green glass was dreadful.
What made her feel worst and she entertained
the thought with a whimsical consciousness of its
impertinent vanity was that she’d
had so much more raw material than Eva! And the
world had given Eva a chance because her father was
rich. And she, Phyllis, was condemned to be tidy
and accurate, and no more, just because she had to
earn her living. That face in the greenish glass,
looking tiredly back at her! She gave a little
out-loud cry of vexation now as she thought of it,
two hours later.
“I must have looked to Eva like
a battered bisque doll no wonder she couldn’t
place me!” she muttered crossly.
And it must be worse and more of it
now, because in the interval between two and four
there had been many little sticky fingers pulling at
her sleeves and skirt, and you just have to
cuddle dear little library children, even when they’re
not extra clean; and when Vera Aronsohn burst into
heartbroken tears on the Liberry Teacher’s blue
woolen shoulder because her pet fairy-book was missing,
she had caught several strands of the Teacher’s
yellow hair in her anguish, much to the hair’s
detriment.
It was straight, heavy hair, and it
would have been of a dense and fluffy honey-color,
only that it was tarnished for lack of the constant
sunnings and brushings which blonde hair must
have to stay its best self. And her skin, too,
that should have been a living rose-and-cream, was
dulled by exposure to all weathers, and lack of time
to pet it with creams and powders; perhaps a little,
too, by the very stupid things to eat one gets at
a dairy-lunch and boarding-house. Some of the
assistants did interesting cooking over the library
gas-range, but the Liberry Teacher couldn’t
do that because she hadn’t time.
She went on defiantly thinking about
her looks. It isn’t a noble-minded thing
to do, but when you might be so very, very pretty if
you only had a little time to be it in “Yes,
I might!” said Phyllis to her shocked
self defiantly.... Yes, the shape of her face
was all right still. Hard work and scant attention
couldn’t spoil its pretty oval. But her
eyes well, you can’t keep your eyes
as blue and luminous and childlike as they were back
in the New England country, when you have been using
them hard for years in a bad light. And oh, they
had been such nice eyes when she was just Phyllis
Narcissa at home, so long and blue and wondering!
And now the cataloguing had heavied the lids and etched
a line between her straight brown brows. They
weren’t decorative eyes now ... and they filled
with indignant self-sympathy. The Liberry Teacher
laughed at herself a little here. The idea of
eyes that cried about themselves was funny, somehow.
“Direct from producer to consumer!”
she quoted half-aloud, and wiped each eye conscientiously
by itself.
“Teacher! I want a liberry
called ‘Bride of Lemon Hill!’ demanded
a small citizen just here. The school teacher,
she says I must to have it!”
Phyllis thought hard. But she
had to search the pinned-up list of required reading
for schools for three solid minutes before she bestowed
“The Bride of Lammermoor” on a thirteen-year-old
daughter of Hungary.
“This is it, isn’t it,
honey?” she asked with the flashing smile for
which her children, among other things, adored her.
“Yes, ma’am, thank you,
teacher,” said the thirteen-year-old gratefully;
and went off to a corner, where she sat till closing
time entranced over her own happy choice, “The
Adventures of Peter Rabbit,” with colored pictures
dotting it satisfactorily. The Liberry Teacher
knew that it was her duty to go over and hypnotize
the child into reading something which would lead
more directly to Browning and Strindberg. But
she didn’t.
“Poor little wop!” she
thought unacademically. “Let her be happy
in her own way!”
And the Liberry Teacher herself went
on being unhappy in her own way.
“I’m just a battered bisque
doll!” she repeated to herself bitterly.
But she was wrong. One is apt
to exaggerate things on a workaday Saturday afternoon.
She looked more like a pretty bisque figurine; slim
and clear-cut, and a little neglected, perhaps, by
its owners, and dressed in working clothes instead
of the pretty draperies it should have had; but needing
only a touch or so, a little dusting, so to speak,
to be as good as ever.
“Eva never was as pretty
as I was!” her rebellious thoughts went on.
You think things, you know, that you’d never
say aloud. “I’m sick of elevating
the public! I’m sick of working hard fifty-one
weeks out of fifty-two for board and lodging and carfare
and shirtwaists and the occasional society of a few
girls who don’t get any more out of life than
I do! I’m sick of libraries, and of being
efficient! I want to be a real girl! Oh,
I wish I wish I had a lot of money, and
a rose-garden, and a husband!”
The Liberry Teacher was aghast at
herself. She hadn’t meant to wish such
a very unmaidenly thing so hard. She jumped up
and dashed across the room and began frantically to
shelf-read books, explaining meanwhile with most violent
emphasis to the listening Destinies:
“I didn’t oh,
I didn’t mean a real husband.
It isn’t that I yearn to be married to some
good man, like an old maid or a Duchess novel.
I I just want all the lovely things Eva
has, or any girl that marries them, without
any trouble but taking care of a man. One man
couldn’t but be easier than a whole roomful
of library babies. I want to be looked after,
and have time to keep pretty, and a chance to make
friends, and lovely frocks with lots of lace on them,
and just months and months and months when I never
had to do anything by a clock and and
a rose-garden!”
This last idea was dangerous.
It isn’t a good thing, if you want to be contented
with your lot, to think of rose-gardens in a stuffy
city library o’ Saturdays; especially when where
you were brought up rose-gardens were one of the common
necessities of life; and more especially when you
are tired almost to the crying-point, and have all
the week’s big sisters back of it dragging on
you, and all its little sisters to come worrying at
you, and time not up till six.
But the Liberry Teacher went blindly
on straightening shelves nearly as fast as the children
could muss them up, and thinking about that rose-garden
she wanted, with files of masseuses and manicures and
French maids and messenger-boys with boxes banked
soothingly behind every bush. And the thought
became too beautiful to dally with.
“I’d marry anything
that would give me a rose-garden!” reiterated
the Liberry Teacher passionately to the Destinies,
who are rather catty ladies, and apt to catch up unguarded
remarks you make. “Anything so
long as it was a gentleman and he didn’t
scold me and and I
didn’t have to associate with him!” her
New England maidenliness added in haste.
Then, for the librarian who cannot
laugh, like the one who reads, is supposed in library
circles to be lost, Phyllis shook herself and laughed
at herself a little, bravely. Then she collected
the most uproarious of her flock around her and began
telling them stories out of the “Merry Adventures
of Robin Hood.” It would keep the children
quiet, and her thoughts, too. She put rose-gardens,
not to say manicurists and husbands, severely out
of her head. But you can’t play fast and
loose with the Destinies that way.
“Done!” they had replied
quietly to her last schedule of requirements.
“We’ll send our messenger over right away.”
It was not their fault that the Liberry Teacher could
not hear them.