That conversation and Jeremy’s
conversion to the big idea took place on the way across
the desert to Jerusalem - a journey that took
us a week on camel-back - a rowdy, hot journey
with the stifling simoom blowing grit into our followers’
throats, who sang and argued alternately nevertheless.
For, besides our old Ali Baba and his sixteen sons
and grandsons, there were Jeremy’s ten pickups
from Arabia’s byways, whom he couldn’t
leave behind because they knew the secret of his gold-mine.
Grim’s authority is always at
its height on the outbound trail, for then everybody
knows that success, and even safety, depends on his
swift thinking; on the way home afterward reaction
sets in sometimes, because Arabs are made light-headed
by success, and it isn’t a simple matter to
discipline free men when you have no obvious hold over
them.
But that was where Jeremy came in.
Jeremy could do tricks, and the Arabs were like children
when he performed for them. They would be good
if he would make one live chicken into two live ones
by pulling it apart. They would pitch the tents
without fighting if he would swallow a dozen eggs
and produce them presently from under a camel’s
tail. If he would turn on his ventriloquism
and make a camel say its prayers, they were willing
to forgive - for the moment anyhow - even
their nearest enemies.
So we became a sort of travelling
sideshow, with Jeremy ballyhooing for himself in an
amazing flow of colloquial Arabic, and hardly ever
repeating the same trick.
All of which was very good for our
crowd and convenient at the moment, but hardly so
good for Jeremy’s equilibrium. He is one
of those handsome, perpetually youthful fellows, whose
heads have been a wee mite turned by the sunshine
of the world’s warm smile. I don’t
mean by that that he isn’t a tophole man, or
a thorough-going friend with guts and gumption, who
would chance his neck for anyone he likes without a
second’s hesitation, for he’s every bit
of that. He has horse sense, too, and isn’t
fooled by the sort of flattery that women lavish on
men who have laughing eyes and a little dark moustache.
But he hasn’t been yet in a
predicament that he couldn’t laugh or fight
his way out of; he has never yet found a job that
he cared to stick at for more than a year or two,
and seldom one that could hold him for six months.
He jumps from one thing to another,
finding all the world so interesting and amusing,
and most folk so ready to make friends with him, that
he always feels sure of landing softly somewhere over
the horizon.
So by the time we reached Jerusalem
friend Jeremy was ripe for almost anything except
the plan we had agreed on. Having talked that
over pretty steadily most of the way from Abu Kem,
it seemed already about as stale and unattractive
to him as some of his oldest tricks. And Jerusalem
provided plenty of distraction. We hadn’t
been in Grim’s quarters half an hour when Jeremy
was up to his ears in a dispute that looked like separating
us.
Grim, who wears his Arab clothes from
preference and never gets into uniform if he can help
it, went straight to the telephone to report briefly
to headquarters. I took Jeremy upstairs to discard
my Indian disguise and hunt out clothes for Jeremy
that would fit him, but found none, I being nearly
as heavy as Grim and Jeremy together. He had
finished clowning in the kit I offered him, and had
got back into his Arab things while I was shaving
off the black whiskers with which Nature adorns my
face whenever I neglect the razor for a few days, when
an auto came tooting and roaring down the narrow street,
and a moment later three staff officers took the stairs
at a run. So far, good; that was unofficial,
good-natured, human and entirely decent. The three
of them burst through the bed room door, all grins,
and took turns pumping with Jeremy’s right arm - glad
to see him - proud to know him - pleased
to see him looking fit and well, and all that kind
of thing. Even men who had fought all through
the war had forgotten some of its red tape by that
time, and Jeremy not being in uniform they treated
him like a fellow human being. And he reciprocated,
Australian fashion, free and easy, throwing up his
long legs on my bed and yelling for somebody to bring
drinks for the crowd, while they showered questions
on him.
It wasn’t until Jeremy turned
the tables and began to question them that the first
cloud showed itself.
“Say, old top,” he demanded
of a man who wore the crossed swords of a brigadier.
“Grim tells me I’m a trooper. When
can I get my discharge?”
The effect was instantaneous.
You would have thought they had touched a leper by
the way they drew themselves up and changed face.
“Never thought of that.
Oh, I say - this is a complication.
You mean...?”
“I mean this,” Jeremy
answered dryly, because nobody could have helped notice
their change of attitude: “I was made prisoner
by Arabs and carried off. That’s more
than three years ago. The war’s over.
Grim tells me all Australians have been sent home
and discharged. What about me?”
“Um-m-m! Ah! This
will have to be considered. Let’s see;
to whom did you surrender?”
“Damn you, I didn’t surrender!
I met Grim in the desert, and reported to him for
duty.”
“Met Major Grim, eh?”
“Yes,” said Grim, appearing
in the door. “I came across him in the
desert; he reported for duty; I gave him an order,
and he obeyed it. Everything’s regular.”
“Um-m-m! How’d you
make that out - regular? Have you any
proof he wasn’t a deserter? He’ll
have to be charged with desertion and tried by court
martial, I’m afraid. Possibly a mere formality,
but it’ll have to be done, you know, before
he can be given a clear discharge. If he can’t
be proved guilty of desertion he’ll be cleared.”
“How long will that take?” Jeremy demanded.
His voice rang sharp with the challenge
note that means debate has ceased and quarrel started.
It isn’t the right note for dissolving difficulties.
“Couldn’t tell you,”
said the brigadier. “My advice to you is
to keep yourself as inconspicuous as possible until
the administrator gets back.”
It was good advice, but Grim, standing
behind the brigadier, made signals to Jeremy in vain.
Few Australians talk peace when there is no peace,
and when there’s a fight in prospect they like
to get it over.
“I remember you,” said
Jeremy, speaking rather, slowly, and throwing in a
little catchy laugh that was like a war-cry heard through
a microphone. “You were the Fusileer major
they lent to the Jordan Highlanders - fine
force that - no advance without security - lost
two men, if I remember - snakebite one;
the other shot for looting. Am I right?
So they’ve made you a brigadier! Aren’t
you the staff officer they sent to strafe a regiment
of Anzacs for going into action without orders?
We chased you to cover! I can see you now running
for fear we’d shoot you! Hah!”
Grim took the only course possible
in the circumstances. The brigadier’s
neck was crimson, and Jeremy had to be saved somehow.
“Touch of sun, sir - that
and hardship have unhinged him a bit. Suffers
from delusions. Suppose I keep him here until
the doctor sees him?”
“Um-m-m! Ah! Yes,
you’d better. See he gets no whisky, will
you? Too bad! Too bad! What a pity!”
Our three visitors left in a hurry,
contriving to look devilish important. Grim
followed them out.
“Rammy, old cock,” said
Jeremy, sprawling on the bed again and laughing, “don’t
look all that serious. Bring back your brigadier
and I’ll kiss him on both cheeks while you hold
him! But say; suppose that doctor’s one
of these swabs who serve out number nine pills for
shell-shock, broken leg, dyspepsia, housemaid’s
knee and the creeping itch? Suppose he swears
I’m luny? What then?”
“Grim will find somebody to
swear to anything once,” I answered. “But
you look altogether too dashed healthy - got
to give the doctor-man a chance - here, get
between the sheets and kid that something hurts you.”
“Get out! The doe ’ud
put a cast-iron splint on it, and order me into a
hospital. How about toothache? That do?
Do they give you bread and water for it?”
So toothache was selected as an alibi,
and Jeremy wrapped his jaw in a towel, after jabbing
his cheek with a pin so as to remember on which side
the pain should be. But it was artifice wasted,
for Grim had turned a better trick. He had found
an Australian doctor in the hospital for Sikhs - the
only other Australian in Jerusalem just then -
and brought him cooee-ing upstairs in a way that proved
he knew the whole story already.
The autopsy, as he called it, was
a riot. We didn’t talk of anything but
fights at Gaza - the surprise at Nazareth,
when the German General Staff fled up the road on
foot in its pyjamas - the three-day scrap
at Nebí Samwil, when Australians and Turks took
and retook the same hill half a dozen times, and parched
enemies took turns drinking from one flask while the
shells of both sides burst above them. It seems
to have been almost like old-fashioned war in Palestine
from their account of it, either side conceding that
the other played the game.
When they had thrashed the whole campaign
over from start to finish, making maps on my bed with
hair brushes, razors and things, they got to talking
of Australia; and that was all about fighting too:
dog fights, fist fights between bullockies on the
long road from Northern Queensland, riots in Perth
when the pearlers came in off the Barrier Reef to
spend their pay, rows in the big shearing sheds when
the Union men objected to unskilled labour - you’d
have thought Australia was one big battlefield, with
nothing else but fights worth talking of from dawn
till dark.
The doctor was one of those tightly-knit,
dark-complexioned little men with large freckles and
brown eyes, who surprise you with a mixture of intense
domestic virtue and a capacity, that shouldn’t
mix with it at all, for turning up in all the unexpected
places. You meet his sort everywhere, and they
always have a wife along, who worships them and makes
a home out of tin cans and packing-cases that would
put the stay-at-home housekeepers to shame.
They always have a picture on the wall of cows standing
knee-deep in the water, and no matter what their circumstances
are, there’s always something in reserve, for
guests, offered frankly without apology. Never
hesitate with those folk, but don’t let them
go too far, for they’ll beggar themselves to
help you in a tight place, if you’ll let them.
Ticknor his name was. He’s a good man.
“Say, Grim, there’s a
case in the Sikh hospital that ought to interest you,”
he said at last. “Fellow from Damascus - Arab - one
of Feisul’s crowd. He wouldn’t let
them take him to the Zionist hospital - swore
a Jew knifed him and that the others would finish
the job if they got half a chance. They’d
have been arguing yet, and he dead and buried, if I
hadn’t gone shopping with Mabel. She saw
the crowd first (I was in Noureddin’s store)
and jabbed her way in with her umbrella - she
yelled to me and I bucked the line.
“The Jews wanted to tell me
I had no right to take that chap to the Sikh hospital,
and no more had I; so I plugged him up a bit, and
put him in a cab, and let him take himself there,
Mabel and me beside him. Seeing I was paying
for the cab, I didn’t see why Mabel should walk.
Of course, once we had him in there he was too sick
to be moved; but the Army won’t pay for him,
so I sent a bill to the Zionists, and they returned
it with a rude remark on the margin. Maybe I
can get the money out of Feisul some day; otherwise
I’m stuck.”
“I’ll settle that,”
said Grim. “What’s the tune he plays?”
“Utter mystery. Swears
a Jew stabbed him, but that Damascus outfit blame
the Jews for everything. He’s only just
down from Damascus. I think he’s one of
Feisul’s officers, although he’s not in
uniform - prob’ly on a secret mission.
Suppose you go and see him? But say, watch
out for the doc on duty - he’s a meddler.
Tell him nothing!”
“Sure. How about Jeremy? What’s
the verdict?”
“What do you want done with him?”
“I want him out of reach of
trouble here pending his discharge. No need to
certify him mad, is there?”
“Mad? All Australians
are mad. None of us need a certificate for that.
Have you arrested him?”
“Not yet.”
“Then you’re too late!
He’s suffering from bad food and exposure.
The air of Jerusalem’s bad for him, and he’s
liable to get pugnacious if argued with. That
runs in the blood. I order him off duty, and
shall recommend him within twenty minutes to the P.M.O.
for leave of absence at his own expense. If
you know of any general who dares override the P.M.O.
I’ll show you a brass hat in the wind.
Come on; d’you want to bet on it?”
“Will the P.M.O. fall?” asked Grim.
“Like a new chum off a brumby.
Signs anything I shove under his nose. Comes
round to our house to eat Mabel’s damper and
syrup three nights a week. You bet he’ll
sign it: Besides, he’s white; pulled out
of the firing-line by an Australian at Gaza, and hasn’t
forgotten it. He’d sign anything but checks
to help an Anzac. I’ll be going.
“You trot up to the slaughter-shop,
Grim, and interview that Arab - Sidi bin
Something-or-Other - forget his name - he
lies in number nineteen cot on the left-hand side
of the long ward, next to a Pathan who’s shy
both legs. You can’t mistake him.
I’ll write out a medical certificate for Jeremy
and follow. And say; wait a minute! What
price the lot of you eating Mabel’s chow tonight
at our house? We don’t keep a cook, so
you won’t get poisoned. That’s settled;
I’ll tell Mabel you’re coming. Tootleloo!”
But there was a chance that the brigadier
might carry resentment to the point of sending up
a provost-marshal’s guard to arrest Jeremy on
the well-known principle that a bird in the hand can
be strafed more easily than one with a medical certificate.
The bush was the place for our bird until such time
as the P.M.O.’s signature should adorn the necessary
piece of paper; so we three rode up in a cab together
to the Sikh hospital, and had a rare time trying to
get in.
You see, there was a Sikh on guard
outside, who respected nothing under heaven but his
orders. He wouldn’t have known Grim in
any event, being only recently from India; Grim’s
uniform would have passed him in, but he and Jeremy
were still arrayed as Arabs, and my civilian clothes
entitled me in the sentry’s opinion to protection
lest I commit the heinous sin of impertinence.
An Arab in his eyes was as an insect, and a white
man, who consorted with such creatures, not a person
to be taken seriously.
But our friend Narayan Singh was in
the hospital, enjoying the wise veteran’s prerogative
of resting on full pay after his strenuous adventures
along with us at Abu Kem. There was nothing whatever
the matter with him. He recognized Grim’s
voice and emerged through the front door with a milk-white
smile flashing in the midst of newly-curled black
hair - dignified, immense, and full of instant
understanding.
Grim said a few words to Narayan Singh
in Arabic, which so far as the sentry was concerned
wasn’t a language, but Narayan Singh spoke in
turn in Punjabi, and the man just out from India began
to droop like Jonah’s gourd under the old soldier’s
scorn.
In consequence we got a full salute
with arms presented, and walked in without having
to trouble anybody in authority, Narayan Singh leading
with the air of an old-time butler showing royalty
to their rooms. He even ascertained in an aside,
that the doctor of the day was busy operating, and
broke that good news with consummate tact:
“The sahibs’ lightest
wish is law, but if they should wish to speak with
the doctor sahib, it would be necessary to call him
forth from the surgery, where he works behind locked
doors. Is it desired that I should summon him?”
“Operation serious?” asked
Grim, and neither man smiled. It was perfect
acting.
“Very, sahib. He removes the half of a
sepoy’s liver.”
“Uh! Couldn’t think of interrupting
him. Too bad! Lead the way.”
But we didn’t enter the ward
until Narayan Singh and an orderly had placed two
screens around number nineteen cot, in the way they
do when a man is dying, and had placed three chairs
at the bedside contrary to the regulations printed
on the wall. Then Narayan Singh stood on guard
outside the screens, but didn’t miss much of
the conversation, I believe.
The man in bed was wounded badly,
but not fatally, and though his eyes blazed with fever
he seemed to have some of his wits about him.
He recognized Grim after staring hard at him for
about a minute.
“Jimgrim!”
“Sidi bin Tagim, isn’t
it? Well, well I thought it might be you,”
said Grim, speaking the northern dialect of Arabic,
which differs quite a bit from that spoken around
Jerusalem.
“Who are these?” asked
the man in bed, speaking hoarsely as he stared first
at Jeremy and then at me.
“Jmil Ras, a friend of mine,” Grim answered.
“And that one?”
He didn’t like the look of me
at all. Western clothes and a shaven face spell
nothing reassuring to the Arab when in trouble; he
has been “helped” by the foreigner a time
or two too often.
“An American named Ramsden. Also a friend
of mine.”
“Oh! An Amirikani? A hakim?”
“No. Not a doctor. Not a man to
fear. He is a friend of Feisul.”
“On whose word?”
“Mine,” Grim answered.
Sidi bin Tagim nodded. He seemed
willing to take Grim’s word for anything.
“Why did you say a Jew stabbed you?” Grim
asked suddenly.
“So that they might hang a Jew
or two. Wallah! Are the Jews not at the
bottom of all trouble? If a Greek should kill
a Maltese it would be a Jew who planned it!
May the curse of Allah change their faces and the
fire of Eblis consume them!”
“Did you see the man who stabbed you?”
“Yes.”
And was he a Jew?”
“Jimgrim, you know better than
to ask that! A Jew always hires another to do
the killing. He who struck me was a hireling,
who shall die by my hand, as Allah is my witness.
But may Allah do more to me and bring me down into
the dust unburied unless I make ten Jews pay for this!”
“Any one Jew in particular?”
Grim asked, and the man in bed closed up like a clam
that has been touched.
He was a strange-looking fellow - rather
like one of those lean Spaniards whom Goya used to
paint, with a scant beard turning grey, and hollow
cheeks. He had thrown off the grey army blanket
because fever burned him, and his lean, hard muscles
stood out as if cast in bronze.
“But for the Jews, Feisul would
be king of all this land this minute!” he said
suddenly, and closed up tight again.
Grim smiled. He nearly always
does smile when apparently at a loose end. At
moments when most cross-examiners would browbeat he
grows sympathetic - humours his man, and,
by following whatever detour offers, gets back on
the trail again.
“How about the French?” he asked.
“May Allah smite them! They are all in
the pay of Jews!”
“Can you prove it?”
“Wallah! That I can!”
Grim looked incredulous. Those
baffling eyes of his twinkled with quiet amusement,
and the man in bed resented it.
“You laugh, Jimgrim, but if
you would listen I might tell you something.”
But Grim only smiled more broadly than ever.
“Sidi bin Tagim, you’re
one of those fanatics who think the world is all leagued
against you. Why should the Jews think you sufficiently
important to be murdered?”
“Wallah! There are few who hold the reins
of happenings as I do.”
“If they’d killed you they’d have
stopped the clock, eh?”
“That is as Allah may determine. I am
not dead.”
“Have you friends in Jerusalem?”
“Surely.”
“Strange that they haven’t been to see
you.”
“Wallah! Not strange at all.”
“I see. They regard you
as a man without authority, who might make trouble
and leave other men to face it, eh?”
“Who says I have no authority?”
“Well, if you could prove you have - ”
“What then?” the man in
bed demanded, trying to sit up. “Feisul,
for instance, is a friend of mine, and these men with
me are his friends too. You have no letter,
of course, for that would be dangerous...”
“Jimgrim, in the name of the
Most High, I swear I had a letter! He who stabbed
me took it. I - ”
“Was the letter from Feisul?”
“Malaish - no matter.
It was sealed, and bore a number for the signature.
If you can get that letter for me, Jimgrim - but
what is the use! You are a servant of the British.”
“Tell me who stabbed you and I’ll get
you the letter.”
“No, for you are clever.
You would learn too much. Better tell the doctor
of this place to hurry up and heal me; then I will
attend to my own affairs.”
“I’d like to keep you
out of jail, if that’s possible,” Grim
answered. “You and I are old acquaintances,
Sidi bin Tagim. But of course, if you’re
here to sow sedition, and should there be a document
at large in proof of it, which document should fall
into the hands of the police - well, I couldn’t
do much for you then. You’d better tell
me who stabbed you, and I’ll get after him.”
“Ah! But if you get the letter?”
“I shall read it, of course.”
“But to whom will you show it?”
“Perhaps to my friends here.”
“Are they bound by your honour?”
“I shall hold them so.”
There was the glint in Grim’s
eye now that should warn anyone who knew him that
the scent was hot; added to the fact that the rest
of his expression suggested waning interest, that
look of his forebode fine hunting.
“There’s one other I might
consult,” he admitted casually. “On
my way here I saw one of Feisul’s staff captains
driving in a cab toward the Jaffa Gate.”
The instant effect of that remark
was to throw the wounded man into a paroxysm of mingled
rage and fear. He almost threw a fit. His
already bloodless face grew ashy grey and livid blue
alternately, and he would have screamed at Grim if
the cough that began to rack his whole body would
have let him. As it was, he gasped out unintelligible
words and sought to make Grim understand by signs.
And Grim apparently did understand.
“Very well,” he laughed,
“tell me who stabbed you and I won’t mention
your name to Staff-Captain Abd el Kadir.”
“And these men? Will they say nothing?”
“Not a word. Who stabbed you?”
“Yussuf Dakmar! May Allah cut him off
from love and mercy!”
“Golly!” exploded Jeremy,
forgetting not to talk English. “There’s
a swine for you! Yussuf Dakmar’s the son
of a sea-cook who used to sell sheep to the Army four
times over - drive ’em into camp and
get a receipt - drive ’em out again
next night - bring ’em back in the morning -
get a receipt again - drive ’em off - bring
’em back - us chaps too busy shifting
brother Turk to cotton on. He’ll be the
boy I kicked out of camp once. Maybe remembers
it too. I’ll bet his backbone’s twanging
yet! Lead me to him, Grim, old cock, I’d
like another piece of him!”
But Grim was humming to himself, playing
piano on the bed-sheet with his fingers.
“Is that man not an Arab?”
asked the fellow in bed, taking alarm all over again.
“Arab your aunt!” laughed
Jeremy: “I eat Arabs! I’m the
only original genuine woolly bad man from way back!
I’m the plumber who pulled the plug out of
Arabia! You know English? Good! You
know what a dose of salts is then? You’ve
seen it work? Experienced it, maybe? Hah!
You’ll understand me. I’m a grain
of the Epsom Salt that went through Beersheba, time
the Turks had all the booze in sight and we were thirsty.
Muddy booze it was too - oozy booze - not
fit for washing hogs! Ever heard of Anzacs?
Well, I’m one of ’em. Now you know
what the scorpion who stung you’s up against!
You lie there and think about it, cocky; I’ll
show you his shirt tomorrow morning.”
“Suppose we go now,” suggested
Grim. “I’ve got the drift of this
thing. Get the rest elsewhere.”
“You can fan that Joskins for
a lot more yet,” Jeremy objected. “The
plug’s pulled. He’ll flow if you
let him.”
Grim nodded.
“Sure he would. Don’t
want too much from him. Don’t want to have
to arrest him. Get me?”
“Come on then,” answered
Jeremy, “I’ve promised him a shirt!”
Beyond the screen Narayan Singh stood
like a statue, deaf, dumb, immovable. Even his
eyes were fixed with a blank stare on the wall opposite.
“How much did you hear?” Grim asked him.
“I, sahib? I am a sick man. I have
been asleep.”
“Dream anything?”
“As your honour pleases!”
“Hospital’s stuffy, isn’t
it? Think you could recover health more rapidly
outdoors? Sick-leave continued of course, but - how
about a little exercise?”
The Sikh’s eyes twinkled.
“Sahib, you know I need exercise!”
“I’ll speak to the doctor
for you. In case he signs a new certificate,
report to me tonight.”
“Atcha, Jimgrim sahib! Atcha!”