Next morning, which was Sunday, she
resumed operations about ten o’clock; and the
renewed work recalled the conversation which had accompanied
it the night before, and put her back into the same
intractable temper.
“That’s the story about
me in Marygreen, is it-that I entrapped
’ee? Much of a catch you were, Lord send!”
As she warmed she saw some of Jude’s dear ancient
classics on a table where they ought not to have been
laid. “I won’t have them books here
in the way!” she cried petulantly; and seizing
them one by one she began throwing them upon the floor.
“Leave my books alone!”
he said. “You might have thrown them aside
if you had liked, but as to soiling them like that,
it is disgusting!” In the operation of making
lard Arabella’s hands had become smeared with
the hot grease, and her fingers consequently left
very perceptible imprints on the book-covers.
She continued deliberately to toss the books severally
upon the floor, till Jude, incensed beyond bearing,
caught her by the arms to make her leave off.
Somehow, in going so, he loosened the fastening of
her hair, and it rolled about her ears.
“Let me go!” she said.
“Promise to leave the books alone.”
She hesitated. “Let me go!” she
repeated.
“Promise!”
After a pause: “I do.”
Jude relinquished his hold, and she
crossed the room to the door, out of which she went
with a set face, and into the highway. Here
she began to saunter up and down, perversely pulling
her hair into a worse disorder than he had caused,
and unfastening several buttons of her gown.
It was a fine Sunday morning, dry, clear and frosty,
and the bells of Alfredston Church could be heard
on the breeze from the north. People were going
along the road, dressed in their holiday clothes;
they were mainly lovers-such pairs as Jude
and Arabella had been when they sported along the
same track some months earlier. These pedestrians
turned to stare at the extraordinary spectacle she
now presented, bonnetless, her dishevelled hair blowing
in the wind, her bodice apart, her sleeves rolled
above her elbows for her work, and her hands reeking
with melted fat. One of the passers said in
mock terror: “Good Lord deliver us!”
“See how he’s served me!”
she cried. “Making me work Sunday mornings
when I ought to be going to my church, and tearing
my hair off my head, and my gown off my back!”
Jude was exasperated, and went out
to drag her in by main force. Then he suddenly
lost his heat. Illuminated with the sense that
all was over between them, and that it mattered not
what she did, or he, her husband stood still, regarding
her. Their lives were ruined, he thought; ruined
by the fundamental error of their matrimonial union:
that of having based a permanent contract on a temporary
feeling which had no necessary connection with affinities
that alone render a lifelong comradeship tolerable.
“Going to ill-use me on principle,
as your father ill-used your mother, and your father’s
sister ill-used her husband?” she asked.
“All you be a queer lot as husbands and wives!”
Jude fixed an arrested, surprised
look on her. But she said no more, and continued
her saunter till she was tired. He left the spot,
and, after wandering vaguely a little while, walked
in the direction of Marygreen. Here he called
upon his great-aunt, whose infirmities daily increased.
“Aunt-did my father
ill-use my mother, and my aunt her husband?”
said Jude abruptly, sitting down by the fire.
She raised her ancient eyes under
the rim of the by-gone bonnet that she always wore.
“Who’s been telling you that?” she
said.
“I have heard it spoken of, and want to know
all.”
“You med so well, I s’pose;
though your wife-I reckon ’twas she-must
have been a fool to open up that! There isn’t
much to know after all. Your father and mother
couldn’t get on together, and they parted.
It was coming home from Alfredston market, when you
were a baby-on the hill by the Brown House
barn-that they had their last difference,
and took leave of one another for the last time.
Your mother soon afterwards died-she drowned
herself, in short, and your father went away with
you to South Wessex, and never came here any more.”
Jude recalled his father’s silence
about North Wessex and Jude’s mother, never
speaking of either till his dying day.
“It was the same with your father’s
sister. Her husband offended her, and she so
disliked living with him afterwards that she went
away to London with her little maid. The Fawleys
were not made for wedlock: it never seemed to
sit well upon us. There’s sommat in our
blood that won’t take kindly to the notion of
being bound to do what we do readily enough if not
bound. That’s why you ought to have hearkened
to me, and not ha’ married.”
“Where did Father and Mother
part-by the Brown House, did you say?”
“A little further on-where
the road to Fenworth branches off, and the handpost
stands. A gibbet once stood there not onconnected
with our history. But let that be.”
In the dusk of that evening Jude walked
away from his old aunt’s as if to go home.
But as soon as he reached the open down he struck
out upon it till he came to a large round pond.
The frost continued, though it was not particularly
sharp, and the larger stars overhead came out slow
and flickering. Jude put one foot on the edge
of the ice, and then the other: it cracked under
his weight; but this did not deter him. He ploughed
his way inward to the centre, the ice making sharp
noises as he went. When just about the middle
he looked around him and gave a jump. The cracking
repeated itself; but he did not go down. He
jumped again, but the cracking had ceased. Jude
went back to the edge, and stepped upon the ground.
It was curious, he thought.
What was he reserved for? He supposed he was
not a sufficiently dignified person for suicide.
Peaceful death abhorred him as a subject, and would
not take him.
What could he do of a lower kind than
self-extermination; what was there less noble, more
in keeping with his present degraded position?
He could get drunk. Of course that was it; he
had forgotten. Drinking was the regular, stereotyped
resource of the despairing worthless. He began
to see now why some men boozed at inns. He struck
down the hill northwards and came to an obscure public-house.
On entering and sitting down the sight of the picture
of Samson and Delilah on the wall caused him to recognize
the place as that he had visited with Arabella on
that first Sunday evening of their courtship.
He called for liquor and drank briskly for an hour
or more.
Staggering homeward late that night,
with all his sense of depression gone, and his head
fairly clear still, he began to laugh boisterously,
and to wonder how Arabella would receive him in his
new aspect. The house was in darkness when he
entered, and in his stumbling state it was some time
before he could get a light. Then he found that,
though the marks of pig-dressing, of fats and scallops,
were visible, the materials themselves had been taken
away. A line written by his wife on the inside
of an old envelope was pinned to the cotton blower
of the fireplace:
“Have gone to my friends. Shall not
return.”
All the next day he remained at home,
and sent off the carcase of the pig to Alfredston.
He then cleaned up the premises, locked the door,
put the key in a place she would know if she came back,
and returned to his masonry at Alfredston.
At night when he again plodded home
he found she had not visited the house. The
next day went in the same way, and the next.
Then there came a letter from her.
That she had gone tired of him she
frankly admitted. He was such a slow old coach,
and she did not care for the sort of life he led.
There was no prospect of his ever bettering himself
or her. She further went on to say that her parents
had, as he knew, for some time considered the question
of emigrating to Australia, the pig-jobbing business
being a poor one nowadays. They had at last
decided to go, and she proposed to go with them, if
he had no objection. A woman of her sort would
have more chance over there than in this stupid country.
Jude replied that he had not the least
objection to her going. He thought it a wise
course, since she wished to go, and one that might
be to the advantage of both. He enclosed in the
packet containing the letter the money that had been
realized by the sale of the pig, with all he had besides,
which was not much.
From that day he heard no more of
her except indirectly, though her father and his household
did not immediately leave, but waited till his goods
and other effects had been sold off. When Jude
learnt that there was to be an auction at the house
of the Donns he packed his own household goods into
a waggon, and sent them to her at the aforesaid homestead,
that she might sell them with the rest, or as many
of them as she should choose.
He then went into lodgings at Alfredston,
and saw in a shopwindow the little handbill announcing
the sale of his father-in-law’s furniture.
He noted its date, which came and passed without Jude’s
going near the place, or perceiving that the traffic
out of Alfredston by the southern road was materially
increased by the auction. A few days later he
entered a dingy broker’s shop in the main street
of the town, and amid a heterogeneous collection of
saucepans, a clothes-horse, rolling-pin, brass candlestick,
swing looking-glass, and other things at the back
of the shop, evidently just brought in from a sale,
he perceived a framed photograph, which turned out
to be his own portrait.
It was one which he had had specially
taken and framed by a local man in bird’s-eye
maple, as a present for Arabella, and had duly given
her on their wedding-day. On the back was still
to be read, “Jude to Arabella,”
with the date. She must have thrown it in with
the rest of her property at the auction.
“Oh,” said the broker,
seeing him look at this and the other articles in
the heap, and not perceiving that the portrait was
of himself: “It is a small lot of stuff
that was knocked down to me at a cottage sale out
on the road to Marygreen. The frame is a very
useful one, if you take out the likeness. You
shall have it for a shilling.”
The utter death of every tender sentiment
in his wife, as brought home to him by this mute and
undesigned evidence of her sale of his portrait and
gift, was the conclusive little stroke required to
demolish all sentiment in him. He paid the shilling,
took the photograph away with him, and burnt it, frame
and all, when he reached his lodging.
Two or three days later he heard that
Arabella and her parents had departed. He had
sent a message offering to see her for a formal leave-taking,
but she had said that it would be better otherwise,
since she was bent on going, which perhaps was true.
On the evening following their emigration, when his
day’s work was done, he came out of doors after
supper, and strolled in the starlight along the too
familiar road towards the upland whereon had been experienced
the chief emotions of his life. It seemed to
be his own again.
He could not realize himself.
On the old track he seemed to be a boy still, hardly
a day older than when he had stood dreaming at the
top of that hill, inwardly fired for the first time
with ardours for Christminster and scholarship.
“Yet I am a man,” he said. “I
have a wife. More, I have arrived at the still
riper stage of having disagreed with her, disliked
her, had a scuffle with her, and parted from her.”
He remembered then that he was standing
not far from the spot at which the parting between
his father and his mother was said to have occurred.
A little further on was the summit
whence Christminster, or what he had taken for that
city, had seemed to be visible. A milestone,
now as always, stood at the roadside hard by.
Jude drew near it, and felt rather than read the
mileage to the city. He remembered that once
on his way home he had proudly cut with his keen new
chisel an inscription on the back of that milestone,
embodying his aspirations. It had been done in
the first week of his apprenticeship, before he had
been diverted from his purposes by an unsuitable woman.
He wondered if the inscription were legible still,
and going to the back of the milestone brushed away
the nettles. By the light of a match he could
still discern what he had cut so enthusiastically so
long ago:
Thither
J. F.
[with a pointing finger]
The sight of it, unimpaired, within
its screen of grass and nettles, lit in his soul a
spark of the old fire. Surely his plan should
be to move onward through good and ill-to
avoid morbid sorrow even though he did see uglinesses
in the world? Bene agere et loetari-to
do good cheerfully-which he had heard to
be the philosophy of one Spinoza, might be his own
even now.
He might battle with his evil star,
and follow out his original intention.
By moving to a spot a little way off
he uncovered the horizon in a north-easterly direction.
There actually rose the faint halo, a small dim nebulousness,
hardly recognizable save by the eye of faith.
It was enough for him. He would go to Christminster
as soon as the term of his apprenticeship expired.
He returned to his lodgings in a better
mood, and said his prayers.