There were many rooms in the villa,
but one room which possessed a character of its own
because the door was always shut, and no sound of
music or laughter issued from it. Every one in
the house was vaguely conscious that something went
on behind that door, and without in the least knowing
what it was, were influenced in their own thoughts
by the knowledge that if the passed it the door would
be shut, and if they made a noise Mr. Ambrose inside
would be disturbed. Certain acts therefore possessed
merit, and others were bad, so that life became more
harmonious and less disconnected than it would have
been had Mr. Ambrose given up editing Pindar,
and taken to a nomad existence, in and out of every
room in the house. As it was, every one was conscious
that by observing certain rules, such as punctuality
and quiet, by cooking well, and performing other small
duties, one ode after another was satisfactorily restored
to the world, and they shared the continuity of the
scholar’s life. Unfortunately, as age puts
one barrier between human beings, and learning another,
and sex a third, Mr. Ambrose in his study was some
thousand miles distant from the nearest human being,
who in this household was inevitably a woman.
He sat hour after hour among white-leaved books, alone
like an idol in an empty church, still except for
the passage of his hand from one side of the sheet
to another, silent save for an occasional choke, which
drove him to extend his pipe a moment in the air.
As he worked his way further and further into the
heart of the poet, his chair became more and more deeply
encircled by books, which lay open on the floor, and
could only be crossed by a careful process of stepping,
so delicate that his visitors generally stopped and
addressed him from the outskirts.
On the morning after the dance, however,
Rachel came into her uncle’s room and hailed
him twice, “Uncle Ridley,” before he paid
her any attention.
At length he looked over his spectacles.
“Well?” he asked.
“I want a book,” she replied.
“Gibbon’s History of the
Roman Empire. May I have it?”
She watched the lines on her uncle’s
face gradually rearrange themselves at her question.
It had been smooth as a mask before she spoke.
“Please say that again,”
said her uncle, either because he had not heard or
because he had not understood.
She repeated the same words and reddened
slightly as she did so.
“Gibbon! What on earth d’you want
him for?” he enquired.
“Somebody advised me to read it,” Rachel
stammered.
“But I don’t travel about
with a miscellaneous collection of eighteenth-century
historians!” her uncle exclaimed. “Gibbon!
Ten big volumes at least.”
Rachel said that she was sorry to interrupt, and was
turning to go.
“Stop!” cried her uncle.
He put down his pipe, placed his book on one side,
and rose and led her slowly round the room, holding
her by the arm. “Plato,” he said,
laying one finger on the first of a row of small dark
books, “and Jorrocks next door, which is wrong.
Sophocles, Swift. You don’t care for German
commentators, I presume. French, then. You
read French? You should read Balzac. Then
we come to Wordsworth and Coleridge, Pope, Johnson,
Addison, Wordsworth, Shelley, Keats. One thing
leads to another. Why is Marlowe here? Mrs.
Chailey, I presume. But what’s the use
of reading if you don’t read Greek? After
all, if you read Greek, you need never read anything
else, pure waste of time pure waste of
time,” thus speaking half to himself, with quick
movements of his hands; they had come round again
to the circle of books on the floor, and their progress
was stopped.
“Well,” he demanded, “which shall
it be?”
“Balzac,” said Rachel,
“or have you the Speech on the
American Revolution, Uncle Ridley?”
“The Speech on
the American Revolution?”
he asked. He looked at her very keenly again.
“Another young man at the dance?”
“No. That was Mr. Dalloway,” she
confessed.
“Good Lord!” he flung back his head in
recollection of Mr. Dalloway.
She chose for herself a volume at
random, submitted it to her uncle, who, seeing that
it was La Cousine bette, bade
her throw it away if she found it too horrible, and
was about to leave him when he demanded whether she
had enjoyed her dance?
He then wanted to know what people
did at dances, seeing that he had only been to one
thirty-five years ago, when nothing had seemed to him
more meaningless and idiotic. Did they enjoy turning
round and round to the screech of a fiddle? Did
they talk, and say pretty things, and if so, why didn’t
they do it, under reasonable conditions? As for
himself he sighed and pointed at the signs
of industry lying all about him, which, in spite of
his sigh, filled his face with such satisfaction that
his niece thought good to leave. On bestowing
a kiss she was allowed to go, but not until she had
bound herself to learn at any rate the Greek alphabet,
and to return her French novel when done with, upon
which something more suitable would be found for her.
As the rooms in which people live
are apt to give off something of the same shock as
their faces when seen for the first time, Rachel walked
very slowly downstairs, lost in wonder at her uncle,
and his books, and his neglect of dances, and his
queer, utterly inexplicable, but apparently satisfactory
view of life, when her eye was caught by a note with
her name on it lying in the hall. The address
was written in a small strong hand unknown to her,
and the note, which had no beginning, ran:
I send the first volume of Gibbon
as I promised. Personally I find little to be
said for the moderns, but I’m going to send you
Wedekind when I’ve done him. Donne?
Have you read Webster and all that set? I envy
you reading them for the first time. Completely
exhausted after last night. And you?
The flourish of initials which she
took to be St. J. A. H., wound up the letter.
She was very much flattered that Mr. Hirst should have
remembered her, and fulfilled his promise so quickly.
There was still an hour to luncheon,
and with Gibbon in one hand, and Balzac in the other
she strolled out of the gate and down the little path
of beaten mud between the olive trees on the slope
of the hill. It was too hot for climbing hills,
but along the valley there were trees and a grass
path running by the river bed. In this land where
the population was centred in the towns it was possible
to lose sight of civilisation in a very short time,
passing only an occasional farmhouse, where the women
were handling red roots in the courtyard; or a little
boy lying on his elbows on the hillside surrounded
by a flock of black strong-smelling goats. Save
for a thread of water at the bottom, the river was
merely a deep channel of dry yellow stones. On
the bank grew those trees which Helen had said it
was worth the voyage out merely to see. April
had burst their buds, and they bore large blossoms
among their glossy green leaves with petals of a thick
wax-like substance coloured an exquisite cream or
pink or deep crimson. But filled with one of
those unreasonable exultations which start generally
from an unknown cause, and sweep whole countries and
skies into their embrace, she walked without seeing.
The night was encroaching upon the day. Her ears
hummed with the tunes she had played the night before;
she sang, and the singing made her walk faster and
faster. She did not see distinctly where she
was going, the trees and the landscape appearing only
as masses of green and blue, with an occasional space
of differently coloured sky. Faces of people
she had seen last night came before her; she heard
their voices; she stopped singing, and began saying
things over again or saying things differently, or
inventing things that might have been said. The
constraint of being among strangers in a long silk
dress made it unusually exciting to stride thus alone.
Hewet, Hirst, Mr. Venning, Miss Allan, the music,
the light, the dark trees in the garden, the dawn, as
she walked they went surging round in her head, a
tumultuous background from which the present moment,
with its opportunity of doing exactly as she liked,
sprung more wonderfully vivid even than the night
before.
So she might have walked until she
had lost all knowledge of her way, had it not been
for the interruption of a tree, which, although it
did not grow across her path, stopped her as effectively
as if the branches had struck her in the face.
It was an ordinary tree, but to her it appeared so
strange that it might have been the only tree in the
world. Dark was the trunk in the middle, and
the branches sprang here and there, leaving jagged
intervals of light between them as distinctly as if
it had but that second risen from the ground.
Having seen a sight that would last her for a lifetime,
and for a lifetime would preserve that second, the
tree once more sank into the ordinary ranks of trees,
and she was able to seat herself in its shade and to
pick the red flowers with the thin green leaves which
were growing beneath it. She laid them side by
side, flower to flower and stalk to stalk, caressing
them for walking alone. Flowers and even pebbles
in the earth had their own life and disposition, and
brought back the feelings of a child to whom they
were companions. Looking up, her eye was caught
by the line of the mountains flying out energetically
across the sky like the lash of a curling whip.
She looked at the pale distant sky, and the high bare
places on the mountain-tops lying exposed to the sun.
When she sat down she had dropped her books on to
the earth at her feet, and now she looked down on
them lying there, so square in the grass, a tall stem
bending over and tickling the smooth brown cover of
Gibbon, while the mottled blue Balzac lay naked in
the sun. With a feeling that to open and read
would certainly be a surprising experience, she turned
the historian’s page and read that
His generals, in the early part of
his reign, attempted the reduction of Aethiopia
and Arabia Felix. They marched near a thousand
miles to the south of the tropic; but the heat of
the climate soon repelled the invaders and protected
the unwarlike natives of those sequestered regions.
. . . The northern countries of Europe scarcely
deserved the expense and labour of conquest.
The forests and morasses of Germany were filled with
a hardy race of barbarians, who despised life when
it was separated from freedom.
Never had any words been so vivid
and so beautiful Arabia Felix Aethiopia.
But those were not more noble than the others, hardy
barbarians, forests, and morasses. They seemed
to drive roads back to the very beginning of the world,
on either side of which the populations of all times
and countries stood in avenues, and by passing down
them all knowledge would be hers, and the book of
the world turned back to the very first page.
Such was her excitement at the possibilities of knowledge
now opening before her that she ceased to read, and
a breeze turning the page, the covers of Gibbon gently
ruffled and closed together. She then rose again
and walked on. Slowly her mind became less confused
and sought the origins of her exaltation, which were
twofold and could be limited by an effort to the persons
of Mr. Hirst and Mr. Hewet. Any clear analysis
of them was impossible owing to the haze of wonder
in which they were enveloped. She could not reason
about them as about people whose feelings went by
the same rule as her own did, and her mind dwelt on
them with a kind of physical pleasure such as is caused
by the contemplation of bright things hanging in the
sun. From them all life seemed to radiate; the
very words of books were steeped in radiance.
She then became haunted by a suspicion which she was
so reluctant to face that she welcomed a trip and
stumble over the grass because thus her attention
was dispersed, but in a second it had collected itself
again. Unconsciously she had been walking faster
and faster, her body trying to outrun her mind; but
she was now on the summit of a little hillock of earth
which rose above the river and displayed the valley.
She was no longer able to juggle with several ideas,
but must deal with the most persistent, and a kind
of melancholy replaced her excitement. She sank
down on to the earth clasping her knees together,
and looking blankly in front of her. For some
time she observed a great yellow butterfly, which
was opening and closing its wings very slowly on a
little flat stone.
“What is it to be in love?”
she demanded, after a long silence; each word as it
came into being seemed to shove itself out into an
unknown sea. Hypnotised by the wings of the butterfly,
and awed by the discovery of a terrible possibility
in life, she sat for some time longer. When the
butterfly flew away, she rose, and with her two books
beneath her arm returned home again, much as a soldier
prepared for battle.