CHAPTER I - HOW CANDIDE WAS BROUGHT UP IN A MAGNIFICENT CASTLE
And how he was expelled thence.
In a castle of Westphalia, belonging
to the Baron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, lived a youth,
whom nature had endowed with the most gentle manners.
His countenance was a true picture of his soul.
He combined a true judgment with simplicity of spirit,
which was the reason, I apprehend, of his being called
Candide. The old servants of the family suspected
him to have been the son of the Baron’s sister,
by a good, honest gentleman of the neighborhood, whom
that young lady would never marry because he had been
able to prove only seventy-one quarterings, the rest
of his genealogical tree having been lost through
the injuries of time.
The Baron was one of the most powerful
lords in Westphalia, for his castle had not only a
gate, but windows. His great hall, even, was hung
with tapestry. All the dogs of his farm-yards
formed a pack of hounds at need; his grooms were his
huntsmen; and the curate of the village was his grand
almoner. They called him “My Lord,”
and laughed at all his stories.
The Baron’s lady weighed about
three hundred and fifty pounds, and was therefore
a person of great consideration, and she did the honours
of the house with a dignity that commanded still greater
respect. Her daughter Cunegonde was seventeen
years of age, fresh-coloured, comely, plump, and desirable.
The Baron’s son seemed to be in every respect
worthy of his father. The Preceptor Pangloss
was the oracle of the family, and little Candide heard
his lessons with all the good faith of his age and
character.
Pangloss was professor of metaphysico-theologico-cosmolo-nigology.
He proved admirably that there is no effect without
a cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds,
the Baron’s castle was the most magnificent
of castles, and his lady the best of all possible
Baronesses.
“It is demonstrable,”
said he, “that things cannot be otherwise than
as they are; for all being created for an end, all
is necessarily for the best end. Observe, that
the nose has been formed to bear spectacles thus
we have spectacles. Legs are visibly designed
for stockings and we have stockings.
Stones were made to be hewn, and to construct castles therefore
my lord has a magnificent castle; for the greatest
baron in the province ought to be the best lodged.
Pigs were made to be eaten therefore we
eat pork all the year round. Consequently they
who assert that all is well have said a foolish thing,
they should have said all is for the best.”
Candide listened attentively and believed
innocently; for he thought Miss Cunegonde extremely
beautiful, though he never had the courage to tell
her so. He concluded that after the happiness
of being born of Baron of Thunder-ten-Tronckh, the
second degree of happiness was to be Miss Cunegonde,
the third that of seeing her every day, and the fourth
that of hearing Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher
of the whole province, and consequently of the whole
world.
One day Cunegonde, while walking near
the castle, in a little wood which they called a park,
saw between the bushes, Dr. Pangloss giving a lesson
in experimental natural philosophy to her mother’s
chamber-maid, a little brown wench, very pretty and
very docile. As Miss Cunegonde had a great disposition
for the sciences, she breathlessly observed the repeated
experiments of which she was a witness; she clearly
perceived the force of the Doctor’s reasons,
the effects, and the causes; she turned back greatly
flurried, quite pensive, and filled with the desire
to be learned; dreaming that she might well be a sufficient
reason for young Candide, and he for her.
She met Candide on reaching the castle
and blushed; Candide blushed also; she wished him
good morrow in a faltering tone, and Candide spoke
to her without knowing what he said. The next
day after dinner, as they went from table, Cunegonde
and Candide found themselves behind a screen; Cunegonde
let fall her handkerchief, Candide picked it up, she
took him innocently by the hand, the youth as innocently
kissed the young lady’s hand with particular
vivacity, sensibility, and grace; their lips met,
their eyes sparkled, their knees trembled, their hands
strayed. Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh passed near
the screen and beholding this cause and effect chased
Candide from the castle with great kicks on the backside;
Cunegonde fainted away; she was boxed on the ears by
the Baroness, as soon as she came to herself; and
all was consternation in this most magnificent and
most agreeable of all possible castles.