Bunker Bean was wishing he could be
different. This discontent with himself was suffered
in a moment of idleness as he sat at a desk on a high
floor of a very high office-building in “downtown”
New York. The first correction he would have
made was that he should be “well over six feet”
tall. He had observed that this was the accepted
stature for a hero.
And the name, almost any name but
“Bunker Bean!” Often he wrote good ones
on casual slips of paper and fancied them his; names
like Trevellyan or Montressor or Delancey, with musical
prefixes; or a good, short, beautiful, but dignified
name like “Gordon Dane.” He liked
that one. It suggested something. But Bean!
And Bunker Bean, at that! True, it also suggested
something, but this had never been anything desirable.
Just now the people in the outside office were calling
him “Boston.”
“Gordon Dane,” well over
six feet, abundant dark hair, a bit inclined to “wave”
and showing faint lines of gray “above the temples”;
for Bean also wished to be thirty years old and to
have learned about women; in short, to have suffered.
Gordon Dane’s was a face before which the eyes
of women would fall in half-frightened, half-ecstatic
subjection, and men would feel the inexplicable magnetism
of his presence. He would be widely remarked
for his taste in dress. He would don stripes or
checks without a trace of timidity. He would
quail before no violence of colour in a cravat.
A certain insignificant Bunker Bean
was not like this. With a soul aspiring to stripes
and checks that should make him a man to be looked
at twice in a city street, he lacked courage for any
but the quietest patterns. Longing for the cravat
of brilliant hue, he ate out his heart under neutral
tints. Had he not, in the intoxication of his
first free afternoon in New York, boldly purchased
a glorious thing of silk entirely, flatly red, an
article to stamp its wearer with distinction; and
had he not, in the seclusion of his rented room, that
night hidden the flaming thing at the bottom of a
bottom drawer, knowing in his sickened soul he dared
not flaunt it?
Once, truly, had he worn it, but only
for a brief stroll on a rainy Sunday, with an entirely
opaque raincoat buttoned closely under his chin.
Even so, he fancied that people stared through and
through that guaranteed fabric straight to his red
secret. The rag burned on his breast. Afterward
it was something to look at beyond the locked door;
perhaps to try on behind drawn shades, late of a night.
And how little Gordon Dane would have made of such
a matter! Floated in Bean’s mind the refrain
of a clothing advertisement. “The more advanced
dressers will seek this fashion.” “Something
dignified yet different!” Gordon Dane would
be “an advanced dresser.”
But if you have been afraid of nearly
everything nearly all your life, how then? You
must be “dignified” only. The brave
only may be “different.” It was all
well enough to gaze at striking fabrics in windows;
but to buy and to wear openly, and get yourself pointed
at laughed at! Again sounded the refrain
of the hired bard of dress. “It is cut to
give the wearer the appearance of perfect physical
development. And the effect so produced so improves
his form that he unconsciously strives to attain the
appearance which the garment gives him; he expands
his chest, draws in his waist and stands erect.”
A rustling of papers from the opposite
side of the desk promised a diversion of his thoughts.
Bean was a hireling and the person who rustled the
papers was his master, but the youth bestowed upon
the great man a look of profound, albeit not unkindly,
contempt. It could be seen, even as he sat in
the desk-chair, that he was a short man; not an inch
better than Bean, there. He was old. Bean,
when he thought of the matter, was satisfied to guess
him as something between fifty and eighty. He
didn’t know and didn’t care how many might
be the years of little Jim Breede. Breede was
the most negligible person he knew.
He was nearly nothing, in Bean’s
view, if you came right down to it. Besides being
of too few inches for a man and unspeakably old, he
was unsightly. Nothing of the Gordon Dane about
Breede. The little hair left him was an atrocious
foggy gray; never in order, never combed, Bean thought.
The brows were heavy, and still curiously dark, which
made them look threatening. The eyes were the
coldest of gray, a match for the hair in colour, and
set far back in caverns. The nose was blunt, the
chin a mere knobby challenge, and between them was
the unloveliest moustache Bean had ever been compelled
to observe; short, ragged, faded in streaks.
And wrinkles wrinkles wheresoever there
was room for them: across the forehead that lost
itself in shining yellow scalp; under the eyes, down
the cheeks, about the traplike mouth. He especially
loathed the smaller wrinkles that made tiny squares
and diamonds around the back of Breede’s neck.
Sartorially, also, Bean found Breede
objectionable. He forever wore the same kind
of suit. The very same suit, one might have thought,
only Bean knew it was renewed from time to time; it
was the kind called “a decent gray,” and
it had emphatically not been cut “to give the
wearer the appearance of perfect physical development.”
So far as Bean could determine the sole intention
had been to give the wearer plenty of room under the
arms and at the waist. Bean found it disgusting a
man who had at least enough leisure to give a little
thought to such matters.
Breede’s shoes offended him.
Couldn’t the man pick out something natty, a
shapelier toe, buttons, a neat upper of tan or blue
cloth patent leather, of course? But
nothing of the sort; a strange, thin, nameless leather,
never either shiny or quite dull, as broad at the toe
as any place, no buttons; not even laces; elastic
at the sides! Not shoes, in any dressy
sense. Things to be pulled on. And always
the same, like the contemptible suits of clothes.
He might have done a little something
with his shirts, Bean thought; a stripe or crossed
lines, a bit of gay colour; but no! Stiff-bosomed
white shirts, cuffs that “came off,” cuffs
that fastened with hideous metallic devices that Bean
had learned to scorn. A collar too loose, a black
satin cravat, and no scarf-pin; not even a cluster
of tiny diamonds.
From Breede and his ignoble attire
Bean shifted the disfavour of his glance to Breede’s
luncheon tray on the desk between them. Breede’s
unvarying luncheon consisted of four crackers composed
of a substance that was said, on the outside of the
package, to be “predigested,” one apple,
and a glass of milk moderately inflated with seltzer.
Bean himself had fared in princely fashion that day
on two veal cutlets bathed in a German sauce of oily
richness, a salad of purple cabbage, a profusion of
vegetables, two cups of coffee and a German pancake
that of itself would have disabled almost any but
the young and hardy, or, presumably, a German.
Bean guessed the cost of Breede’s
meal to be a bit under eight cents. His own had
cost sixty-five. He despised Breede for a petty
economist.
Breede glanced up from his papers
to encounter in Bean’s eyes only a look of respectful
waiting.
“Take letter G.S. Hubbell
gen’ traffic mag’r lines Wes’ Chicago
dear sir your favour twen’th instant ”
The words came from under that unacceptable
moustache of Breede’s like a series of exhausts
from a motorcycle. Bean recorded them in his
note-book. His shorthand was a marvel of condensed
neatness. Breede had had trouble with stenographers;
he was not easy to “take.” He spoke
swiftly, often indistinctly, and it maddened him to
be asked to repeat. Bean had never asked him
to repeat, and he inserted the à’s and the’s
and all the minor words that Breede could not pause
to utter. The letter continued:
“ mus’
have report at your earl’s’ convenience
of earnings and expenses of Grand Valley branch for
las’ four months with engineer’s est’mate
of prob’le cost of repairs and maintenance for
nex’ year ”
Breede halted to consult a document.
Bean glanced up with his look of respectful waiting.
Then he glanced down at his notes and wrote two other
lines of shorthand. Breede might have supposed
these to record the last sentence he had spoken, but
one able to decipher the notes could have read:
“That is one rotten suit of clothes. For
God’s sake, why not get some decent shoes next
time ”
The letter was resumed. It came
to its end with a phrase that almost won the difficult
respect of Bean. Of a rumour that the C. & G.W.
would build into certain coveted territory Breede
exploded: “I can imagine nothing of less
consequence!” Bean rather liked the phrase and
the way Breede emitted it. That was a good thing
to say to some one who might think you were afraid.
He treasured the words; fondled them with the point
of his pencil. He saw himself speaking them pithily
to various persons with whom he might be in conflict.
There was a thing now that Gordon Dane might have
hurled at his enemies a dozen times in his adventurous
career. Breede must have something in him but
look at his shiny white cuffs with the metal clasps,
on the desk at his elbow!
Bean had lately read of Breede in
a newspaper that “Conservative judges estimate
his present fortune at a round hundred million.”
Bean’s own stipend was thirty dollars a week,
but he pitied Breede. Bean could learn to make
millions if he should happen to want them; but poor
old Breede could never learn to look like anybody.
There you have Bunker Bean at a familiar,
prosaic moment in an afternoon of his twenty-third
year. But his prosaic moments are numbered.
How few they are to be! Already the door of Enchantment
has swung to his scared touch. The times will
show a scar or two from Bean. Bean the prodigious!
The choicely perfect toy of Destiny at frolic!
Bean the innocent the monstrous!
Those who long since gave Bean up
as an insoluble problem were denied the advantages
of an early association with him. Only an acquaintance
with his innermost soul of souls could permit any sane
understanding of his works, and this it is our privilege,
and our necessity, to make, if we are to comprehend
with any sympathy that which was later termed his
“madness.” The examination shall be
made quickly and with all decency.
Let us regard Bean through the glass
of his earliest reactions to an environment that was
commonplace, unstimulating, dull the little
wooden town set among cornfields, “Wellsville”
they called it, where he came from out of the Infinite
to put on a casual body.
Of Bean at birth, it may be said frankly
that he was not imposing. He was not chubby nor
rosy; had no dimples. His face was a puckered
protest at the infliction of animal life. In
the white garments conventional to his age he was
a distressing travesty, even when he gurgled.
In the nude he was quite impossible to all but the
most hardened mothers, and he was never photographed
thus in a washbowl. Even his own mother, before
he had survived to her one short year, began to harbour
the accursed suspicion that his beauty was not flawless
nor his intelligence supreme. To put it brutally,
she almost admitted to herself that he was not the
most remarkable child in all the world. To be
sure, this is a bit less incredible when we know that
Bean’s mother, at his advent, thought far less
highly of Bean’s father than on the occasion,
seven years before, when she had consented to be endowed
with all his worldly goods. In the course of
those years she came to believe that she had married
beneath her, a fact of which she made no secret to
her intimates and least of all to her mate, who, it
may be added, privately agreed with her. Alonzo
Bean, after that one delirious moment at the altar,
had always disbelieved in himself pathetically.
Who was he to have wed a Bunker!
When little Bean’s years began
to permit small activities it was seen that his courage
was amazing: a courage, however, that quickly
overreached itself, and was sapped by small defeats.
Tumbles down the slippery stairway, burns from the
kitchen stove, began it. When a prized new sailor
hat was blown to the centre of a duck-pond he sought
to recover it without any fearsome self-communing.
If faith alone could uphold one, Bean would have walked
upon the face of the waters that day. But the
result was a bald experience of the sensations of the
drowning, and a lasting fear of any considerable body
of water. Ever after it was an adventure not
to be lightly dared to cross even the stoutest bridge.
And flying! A belief that we
can fly as the birds is surely not unreasonable at
the age when he essayed it. Nor should a mere
failure to rise from the ground destroy it. One
must leap from high places, and Bean did so.
The roof of the chicken house was the last eminence
to have an experimental value. On his bed of
pain he realized that we may not fly as the birds;
nor ever after could he look without tremors from any
high place.
Such domestic animals as he encountered
taught him further fear. Even the cat became
contemptuous of him, knowing itself dreaded. That
splendid courage he was born with had faded to an extreme
timidity. Before physical phenomena that pique
most children to cunning endeavour, little Bean was
aghast.
And very soon to this burden of fear
was added the graver problems of human association.
From being the butt of capricious physical forces he
became a social unit and found this more terrifying
than all that had gone before. At least in the
physical world, if you kept pretty still, didn’t
touch things, didn’t climb, stayed away from
edges and windows and water and cows and looked carefully
where you stepped, probably nothing would hurt you.
But these new terrors of the social world lay in wait
for you; clutched you in moments of the most inoffensive
enjoyment.
His mother seemed to be director-general
of these monsters, a ruthless deviser of exquisite
tortures. There were unseasonable washings, dressings,
combings and curlings admonitions to be
“a little gentleman.” Loathsomely
garbed, he was made to sit stiffly on a chair in the
presence of falsely enthusiastic callers; or he was
taken to call on those same callers and made to sit
stiffly again while they, with feverish affectations
of curiosity, asked him what his name was, something
they already knew at least as well as he did; made
to overhear their ensuing declarations that the cat
had got his tongue, which he always denied bitterly
until he came to see through the plot and learned
to receive the accusation in stony silence.
Boys of his own age took hold of him
roughly and laid him in the dust, jeeringly threw
his hat to some high roof, spat on his new shoes.
Even little girls, divining his abjectness, were prone
to act rowdyish with him. And this especially
made him suffer. He comprehended, somehow, that
it was ignoble for a man child to be afraid of little
girls.
Money was another source of grief.
Not an exciting thing in itself, he had yet learned
that people possessing desirable objects would insanely
part with them for money. Then came one of the
Uncle Bunkers from over Walnut Shade way, who scowled
at him when leaving and gave him a dime. He voiced
a wish to exchange this for sweets with a certain madman
in the village who had no understanding of the value
of his stock. His mother demurred; not alone
because candy was unwholesome, but because the only
right thing to do with money was to “save”
it. And his mother prevailed, even though his
father coarsely suggested that all the candy he could
ever buy with Bunker money wouldn’t hurt him
none. The mother said that this was “low,”
and the father retorted with equal lowness that a
rigid saving of all Bunker-given money wouldn’t
make no one a “Croosus,” neither, if you
come down to that.
It resulted in his being told that
he could play freely with his dime one whole afternoon
before the unexciting process of saving it began.
Well enough, that! He had grown too fearful of
life to lose that coin vulgarly out in the grass,
as another would almost surely have done.
But he was beguiled in the mart of
the money changers. To him, standing safely within
the front gate where nothing could burn him, fall upon
him, or chase him, “playing” respectfully
with his new dime, came one of slightly superior years
and criminal instincts demanding to inspect the treasure.
The privilege was readily accorded, to arouse only
contempt. The piece was too small. The critic
himself had a bigger one, and showed it.
The two coins were held side by side.
Bean was envious. The small coin was of silver,
the larger of copper, but he was no petty metallurgist.
He wanted to trade and said so. The newcomer assented
with a large air of benevolence, snatched the despised
smaller coin and ran hastily off doubtless
into a life of prosperous endeavour. And little
Bean, presently found by his mother crooning over
a large copper cent, was appalled by what followed.
He had brought back “a bigger money,” yet
he had done something infamous. It was the first
gleam of an incapacity for finance that was one day
to become brilliant. He came to think money was
a pretty queer thing. People cheated it from you
or took it away for your own good. Anyhow, it
was not a matter to bother about. You never had
it long enough.
Then there was language. Language
was words, and politeness. Certain phrases had
to be mouthed to strangers, designed to imply a respect
he was generally far from feeling. This was bad
enough, but what was worse was that you couldn’t
use just any word you might hear, however beautiful
it sounded. For example, there was the compelling
utterance he got from the two merry gentlemen who
passed him at the gate one day. So jolly were
they with their songs and laughter that he followed
them a little way to where they sat under a tree and
drank turn by turn from a bottle. His ear caught
the thing and his lips shaped it so cunningly that
they laughed more than ever. He returned to his
gate, intoning it; the fresh voice rose higher as
the phrasing became more familiar. Then he was
on the porch, chanting as a bard from the mere sensuous
beauty of the words. Through the open door he
saw three faces. The minister and his wife were
calling on his mother.
The immediate happenings need not
be set down. After events again became coherent
he was choking back sobs and listening to the minister
pray for those of unclean lips. And the minister
prayed especially for one among them that he might
cease to pervert the right ways of the Lord. He
knew this to mean himself, for his mother glared over
at him where he knelt; he was grateful for the kneeling
posture at that moment; he would not have cared to
sit. But all he had learned was that if you are
going to use words freely it had much better be when
you are alone; this, and that the minister had enormous
feet, kneeling there with the toes of his boots dug
into the carpet.
No sooner was this language spectre
laid than another confronted him; that of class distinction.
Certain people were “low” and must be shunned
by the high, unless the high perversely wished to be
thought equally low. His mother was again the
arbiter. Her rule as applied to children of his
own age wrought but little hardship. She considered
other children generally to be low, and her son feared
them for their deeds of coarsely humorous violence.
But he was never quite able to believe that his father
was an undesirable associate.
In all his young life he had found
no sport so good as riding on the seat beside that
father while he drove the express wagon; a shiny green
wagon with a seat close to the front and a tilted rest
for one’s feet, drawn by a grand black horse
with a high-flung head, that would make nothing of
eating a small boy if it ever had the chance.
You drove to incoming trains, which was high adventure.
But that was not all. You loaded the wagon with
packages from the trains and these you proceeded to
deliver in a leisurely and important manner. And
some citizen of weight was sure to halt the wagon
and ask if that there package of stuff from Chicago
hadn’t showed up yet, and it was mighty funny
if it hadn’t, because it was ordered special.
Whereupon you said curtly that you didn’t know
anything about that you couldn’t
fetch any package if it hadn’t come, could you?
And you drove on with pleased indignation.
Yet so fine a game as this was held
by his mother to be unedifying. He would pick
up a fashion of speech not genteel; he would grow to
be a “rough.” She, the inconsequent
fair, who had herself been captivated by the driver
of that very wagon, a gay blade directing his steed
with a flourish! To be sure, she had found him
doing this in a mist of romance, as one who must have
his gallant fling at life before settling down.
But the mist had cleared. Alonzo Bean, no longer
the gay blade, had settled down upon the seat of his
wagon. Once he had touched the guitar, sung an
acceptable tenor, jested with life. Now he drove
soberly, sang no more, and was concerned chiefly that
his meals be served at set hours.
Small wonder, perhaps, that the mother
should have feared the Bean and laboured to cultivate
the true Bunker strain in her offspring. Small
wonder that she kept him when she could from the seat
of that wagon and from the deadening influence of
a father to whom Romance had broken its fine promises.
Little Bean distressed her enough by playing at express-wagon
in preference to all other games. He meant to
drive a real one when he was big enough that
is, at first. Secretly he aspired beyond that.
Some day, when he would not be afraid to climb to a
higher seat, he meant to drive the great yellow ’bus
that also went to trains. But that was a dream
too splendid to tell.
In the summer of his seventh year,
when his mother was finding it increasingly difficult
to supply antidotes for this poison, she even consented
to his visiting some other Beans. Unfortunately,
there were no Bunkers to harbour the child of one
who had made so palpable a mésalliance; but the
elder Beans would gladly receive him, and they at
least had never driven express wagons.
To the little boy, who had no sense
of their relationship, they were persons named “Gramper”
and “Grammer” whom he would do well to
look down upon because they were not Bunkers.
So much he understood, and that he was to ride in
a stage and find them on a remote farm. It was
to be the summer of his first feat of daring since
he had reached years of moral discretion.
He was still so timid at the beginning
of the wonderful journey that when the kind old gentleman
who drove the stage stopped his horses at a point
on the road where ripe red apples hung thickly on a
tree, climbed the fence and returned with a capacious
hat full of the fruit, he was chilled with horror
at the crime. He had been freely told what was
thought of people, and what was done with them, who
took things not their own. Afraid to decline
the two apples proffered by the robber, who resumed
his seat and ate brazenly of his loot, the solitary
passenger would still be no party to the outrage.
He presently dropped his own two apples over the back
of the stage, and later, lacking the preacher’s
courage, averred that he had eaten them and
couldn’t eat another one, thank you. He
was not a little affected by the fine bravado with
which the old man ate apple after apple along miles
of the road, full in the gaze of passersby, to whom
he nodded in open-faced greeting, as might an honest
man; but he was disappointed that there was no quick
dragging to a jail, nor smiting by the hand of God,
which quite as often occurred, if his mother and the
minister knew anything about such matters. He
decided that at least the elderly reprobate would wake
up in the dark that very night and cry out in mortal
agony under the realization of his sin.
And yet he, the unsullied, the fine
theoretical moralist, was to return along that road
a thief. A thief of parts, of depraved daring.
“Gramper” and “Grammer”
proved to be an incredibly old couple, brown and withered
and gray of locks, shrunken in stature, slow and feeble
in action, and even rather timid themselves in their
greetings. They made much of this grandchild,
but they were diffident. Slowly it came to his
knowledge that he was set up as a creature to adore.
He enjoyed a blissful new sensation of being deferred
to. Thereafter he lorded it over them, speaking
in confident tones and making wild demands of entertainment.
His mother had been right. They were Beans and,
therefore, not much. He had brought his own silver
napkin-ring and had meant to show them how wonderfully
he folded and rolled his napkin after each meal.
But it seemed they possessed no napkins whatever.
Even his mother hadn’t thought anything so repulsive
as that of these people. He now boldly played
the new game at table that his mother had frowned on.
This was to measure off your meat and potatoes into
an equal number of “bites,” so that they
would “come out even.” If you were
careful and counted right, the thing could be done
every time.
And for the first time in all his
years he asked for more pie. Of course this was
anarchy. He knew well enough that one piece of
pie is the heaven-allotted portion; that no one, even
partly a Bunker, should crave beyond it; yet this
fatuous old pair seemed to invite just that licentiousness,
and they watched him with doting eyes while he swaggered
through his second helping.
If more had been needed to show the
Beanish lowness, it would have come after the first
supper, for Gramper and Grammer sat out on a little
vine-covered porch and smoked cob-pipes which they
refilled at intervals from a sack of tobacco passed
companionably back and forth. His own father
was supposed to smoke but once a week, on Sunday, and
then a cigar such as even a male Bunker might reputably
burn. But a pipe, and between the lips
of Grammer! She managed it with deftness and exhaled
clouds of smoke into the still air of evening with
a relish most painful to her amazed descendant.
Yet she inspired him with an unholy ambition.
Asked the next day about the habit
of smoking, Gramper said it was a bad habit; that
it stunted people and shortened their days. Both
he and Grammer were victims and warnings. Grammer
had lumbago sometimes so you wouldn’t hardly
believe any one could suffer that way and live.
As for Gramper himself, he had a cough brought on
by tobacco that would carry him off dead one of these
days; yes, sir, just like that! And then, to
point his warning, Gramper coughed falsely. Even
to the unpractised ear of his grandson the cough did
not ring true. It lacked poignance.
Late that afternoon, when both the
old ones slept, he abstracted a pipe, stuffed it with
the rich black flakes and fled with matches to a nook
of charming secrecy in the midst of the lilac clump.
Thence arose presently clouds of smoke from the strongest
tobacco money could buy.
At last he had dared something that
didn’t hurt him. He puffed valiantly, blowing
out the smoke even as Grammer had done. Up to
a certain moment his exaltation was intense, his scared
soul expanding to greater deeds.
Then he coughed rather alarmingly.
But that was to be expected. He drew in another
breath of the stuff and coughed again. It was
an honest cough; no doubt about that. Perhaps
Gramper’s cough had been honest. Perhaps
the pipe he had selected was Gramper’s own pipe,
the one that made coughs. He became conscious
of something more than throaty discomfort. Tiny
beads of sweat bejewelled his brow, the lilac bush
began to revolve swiftly about him. He must have
taken Grammer’s pipe after all the
one that led to lumbago. From revolving with a
mere horizontal motion the lilacs now began also to
whirl vertically. He had eaten a great deal at
dinner....
A pallid remnant of himself declined
supper that night. Never could he sit at table
again to eat of food. Gramper and Grammer were
at first alarmed and there was talk of sending for
a veterinary, the nearest to a professional man of
medicine within miles and miles. But this talk
died out after Gramper had made a cursory examination
of the big yard, with especial attention to the lilac
clump, where a pipe and other evidence was noticed.
After that they not only became strangely reassured,
but during their evening smoke on the little porch
they often chuckled as if relishing in secret some
rare jest. It did not occur to Bean that they
laughed at him. He did not suspect that any one
could laugh at a little boy who had nearly died of
lumbago. And he sat far away that night.
The sight of the fuming pipes made him dizzy.
His lesson had told. He was never to become an
accomplished smoker.
His new spirit of adventure being
thus blunted, he spent much of the next day indoors.
Grammer opened the “front room” for him,
no small concession, for this room was never put to
vulgar use; rarely entered, indeed, save once a month
for dusting. Here he found an atmosphere in keeping
with his own chastened gloom, a musty air of mortality
and twilight.
Such poor elegance as could be achieved
by Beans alone, unaided by any Bunker, was here concentrated;
a melodeon that groaned to his touch, with the startling
effect of a voice from a long-closed tomb; a centre-table,
luminous with varnish; gilded chairs in formal array;
portraits in gilded frames; and best of all, a “whatnot,”
a thing to fit a corner, having many shelves and each
shelf loaded with fascinating objects that maddened
one because they must not be touched. Varnished
pine-cones, flint arrow-heads, statuettes set
on worsted mats, tiny strange boxes rarely ornamented you
mustn’t even shake them to see if they contained
anything a small stuffed alligator in the
act of climbing a pole; a frail cup and saucer; a
watch-chain fashioned from Grammer’s hair probably
long before she fell into evil habits; a pink china
dog that simpered; a dusty black cigar with a gay red-and-gold
belt that had once upon a time been given to Gramper
by a gentleman in Chicago; a silver cup inscribed
“Baby”; a ball of clearest glass, bigger
than any marble, with a white camel at its centre looking
out unconcernedly; a gilded horseshoe adorned with
a bow of blue ribbon; an array of treasure, in short,
that made one suspect the Beans might have been something
after all if only they had tried.
Then on the lower shelf, when Grammer,
relying on his honour, had left the room, he made
his wondrous discovery a thing more beautiful
than ever he had dreamed of beauty; a thing that caught
all the light in the room and shot it back like a
risen sun; a thing that excited, enchained, satisfied
with a satisfaction so deep that somehow it became
pain. It was a shell from the sea, polished to
a dazzling brilliance of opal and jade, amethyst and
sapphire, delicately subdued, blending as the tints
in the western sky at sunset, soft, elusive, fluent.
To his rapturously shocked soul, it was a living thing.
Instantly a spell was upon him; long he gazed into
its depths. It was more than deep; it was bottomless.
In some magic solution he there beheld himself and
all the world; imperiously it commanded his being.
To his ear utterance came from that lucent abyss,
a murmur of voices, a confusion of tones; and then
invisible presences seemed to reach out greedy hands
for him. It was no place for a small boy, and
his short legs twinkled as he fled.
Out in the friendly, familiar yard,
he looked curiously about him, basking in the sudden
peace of it. A light wind stirred in the trees,
the sky was a void of blue, the scent of the lilacs
came to him. That was all reassuring; but something
more came: a consciousness that he could translate
only as something vast, yet without shape or substance,
that opened to him, enfolded him, lifted him.
It was a vision of boundless magnitudes and himself
among them among them and with a power
he could put upon them. While it lasted he had
a child’s dim vision of the knowledge that life
would be big for him. He heard again the confusion
of voices, and his own among them, in far spacious
places. He always remembered this moment.
In after years he knew it had been given him then
to run an eye along the line of his destiny.
The moment passed; his mind was again
vacant. He picked a green apple from the low
tree under which he stood, bit into it, chewed without
enthusiasm, then hurled the remnant at an immature
rabbit that he saw regarding him from the edge of
the lilac clump. The missile went wild, but the
rabbit fled and Bean pursued it. He was not afraid
of a rabbit not of a young rabbit.
Returning from the chase, an unavailing
one, he believed, only because the game used quite
unfair tactics of concealment, he remembered the shell.
A longing for possession seized him. It was more
than that. The thing was already his; had always
been his. Yet he foresaw complications.
His ownership might be stupidly denied.
He went in to drag Grammer again before
the whatnot, his mind sharpened to subtlety.
“Are everything there yours?”
He pointed to the top shelf.
“Everything!”
He lowered the pointing finger to the second shelf.
“Are everything there yours?”
“All of ’em!”
“Everything there?”
“Yes, yes!”
“And this one, too?”
“For the land’s sake,
yes!” averred Grammer of the choice contents
of the fourth shelf. She was baking pies and
found herself a bit impatient of this new game.
“Well, that’s all, now!”
and he dismissed her, not daring to inquire as to
the lower shelf. He had seen the way things were
going a sickening way. But, having
shrewdly stopped at the lower shelf, having prevented
Grammer from saying that those valuable objects were
also hers, he had still the right to come into his
own. If the shell mightn’t belong to her
it might belong to him; therefore it did belong to
him; which, as logic, is not so lame as it sounds.
At least it is a workaday average.
It occurred to him once to ask for
the shell bluntly. But reason forbade this.
It was not conceivable that any one having so celestial
a treasure would willingly part with it. When
a thing was yours you took it, with dignity, but quietly.
During the remainder of his stay he
was not conspicuously an occupant of the front room.
No day passed that he did not contrive at least one
look at his wonderful shell, but he craftily did not
linger there, nor did he ever utter words about the
thing, though these often crowded perilously to his
lips.
A later day brought a letter to Grammer,
and Gramper delightedly let it be known that the doctor
at Wellsville had brought little Bean a fine new baby
brother. Bean himself was not delighted at this.
He had suffered the ministrations of that same doctor
and he could imagine no visit of his to result in
a situation at all pleasant to any one concerned.
If he had brought a baby it was doubtless not a baby
that people would care to have around the house.
He was not cheered when told that he might now go
home.
He meant to stay on, and said so.
But the second day brought another
letter that had a curious effect on Gramper and Grammer.
Grammer cried, and Gramper told him with a strange,
grave manner that now he must go. He knew that
he was not told why; something, he overheard them
agree, needn’t be told “just yet.”
This was rather exciting and reconciled him to leaving.
He crept softly down the narrow stairs
that night, alleging, when called to by Grammer, the
need of a drink of water. When he returned his
hands trembled about the shell. Swiftly it went
to the bottom of his small box, his extra clothing,
all his little belongings, being packed cleverly about
it.
They kissed him many times the next
morning, and when he looked back under the trees to
where the old couple stood in front of the little
weather-beaten house he saw that Grammer was crying
again. His conscience hurt him a little; he wondered
how they would get along without the shell. But
they couldn’t have it, because it was his shell.
The stage turned after a bit, and
suddenly there was Gramper at the roadside, breathless
after his run across a corner of the east forty.
Instantly he was in the clutch of a great fear; the
loss had been discovered. He sat frozen, waiting.
But Gramper only flourished the napkin-ring,
and humorously taunted him with not having packed
everything, after all. The stage drove on, but
for the next mile his breathing was jerky.
Toward the end of the day-long ride Gramper
couldn’t be running after them that far he
surrendered to his exultation, opened the box and
drew out the shell, fondling it, fascinated anew by
its varying sheen, excited by the freedom with which
he now might touch it. Again he was the sole
passenger and he called to the old driver, to whom
nothing at all seemed to have happened because of
his filching fruit.
“See my shell I found at Grammer’s!”
But the old man was blind to beauty.
He turned a careless eye upon the treasure, turned
it off again with a formless grunt that might have
been perfunctory praise, and resumed his half-muttered
talk to himself, marked by little oblique nods of
triumph some endless dispute that he seemed
to hold with an invisible opponent.
The owner of the shell was chilled
but not daunted. There would surely be others
less benighted who must acclaim the shell’s charm.
Presently he was at the familiar front
gate and his father, looking unusual, somehow, came
to lift him down.
“See my shell I found at Grammer’s!”
“Your mother is dead.”
“See my shell I found at Grammer’s!”
“Your mother is dead.”
It was the sinister iteration by which
he was stricken, rather than the news itself.
The latter only stunned. His hand in his father’s,
he went up the walk and into the house. There
were women inside, women who moved with an effect
of bustling stillness, the same women who had so often
asked him what his name was. They seemed to know
it well enough now. He was aware that his entrance
created no little sensation. One of them kissed
him and told him not to cry, but he had no thought
of crying. He became aware of the thing in his
hands.
“See my shell I found at Grammer’s!”
The invitation was a general one.
They looked in silence and some of them moved about,
and then through a doorway he saw in the next room
an object long and dark and shining set on two chairs.
He had never seen anything like it,
but its suggestion was evil. The women waited.
Something seemed to be expected of some one. His
father led him into that room and lifted him up to
see. His mother’s face was there under
a glass. He could see that she wore her pretty
blue dress, and on one arm beside her was something
covered with white. He called softly to her.
“Mamma! Mamma!”
But she did not open her eyes.
Then he was out again where the people
were, and the people seemed to forget about him.
He went to his little room under the sloping roof.
He had not let go of the shell and now, in the fading
light from the low window, he lost himself once more
in its depths. Inwardly he knew that a terror
lurked near, but he had not yet felt it. Only
when bedtime came did the continued silence of his
mother become meaningful. When he was left alone,
he cried for her, still clutching his shell.
The minister came the next day, and
many people, and the minister talked to them about
his mother. The two Uncle Bunkers were there,
grim, hard-mouthed, glaring, for they hated each other
as only brothers can hate. He wondered if they
would still let him be partly a Bunker, now that his
mother was gone. He wondered also at the novel
consideration he saw being shown to his father.
Dressed in a new suit of black, with an unaccustomed
black hat, his father was plainly become a man of
importance. He was one apart, and people of undoubted
consequence deferred to him to the very
last. He earnestly wished his mother could see
that; his nervous little mother with the flushed face
and tired eyes, always terrifically concerned about
one small matter or another. He thought she would
have liked to see that his father was some one, after
all.