It was Christmas time before Julia
saw Doctor Studdiford again, and then it was but for
a few minutes. Christmas Eve was wet and blowy
out of doors, but the assembly hall of The Alexander
looked warm and bright; there were painfully made
garlands of green looped about the windows, bells
of red paper hung from all the chandeliers, and on
the stage an enormous Christmas tree glittered with
colour and light. Six hundred people were crowded
into the room, more than half of them children.
Babies twisted and climbed on the laps of their radiant
mothers, small girls and boys everywhere were restless
with excitement and anticipation. Miss Toland
only appeared at intervals, spending most of the afternoon
with a few chosen guests in the reception hall, but
Julia was everywhere at once. She wore a plain
white linen gown, with a bit of holly in her hair
and on her breast, and whether she was marshalling
small girls into groups, stopping to admire a new baby,
meeting the confectioner’s men and their immense
freezers at the draughty side door, talking shyly
with the directors in Miss Toland’s room, or
consoling some weeping infant in the hall, she was
followed by admiring eyes.
At three o’clock the general
restlessness visibly increased, and the air in the
hall, between steaming wet garments and perspiring
humanity, became almost insufferable. Julia experimentally
opened a door and let in a wet blast of air, but this
was too drastic, and her eyes were brought back from
a wistful study of the high windows by a voice that
said:
“Merry Christmas! Give
me a stick, and I’ll do it for you!”
The girl found her hand in Doctor
Studdiford’s, and their eyes met.
“I didn’t know you were
here!” said Julia, in swift memory of their last
meeting.
“Just come.” He looked
at her, all kindliness. “How goes it?”
“Finely,” Julia answered.
When he had opened a window, he followed her across
the room. “I may stay near you, mayn’t
I?”
“I am just going to begin,”
Julia said, taking her place at the piano, and facing
the room across the top of it. Her small person
seemed suddenly fired with authority. She struck
a full chord. “Children!” she said.
“Children! Who is talking? Some
one is still talking! Keep still, everybody,
please! Keep still, every one.
“Now we are going to sing the
’Adeste’ — four verses. And
then we’ll give out the presents. Listen,
every one! We are going to sing the ‘Adeste,’
and then give out the presents. The presents,
of course, go only to our own girls and boys, do you
understand that? Listen, children, please!
“But we have a box of candy
for every child here, whether that child comes to
any of the classes or not! So don’t go home
without your candy. And don’t come up for
your present until you hear your name called, do you
understand that? If I see any child coming up
before Miss Pierce calls her name, I’ll send
her right back to her seat! Now, the ‘Adeste,’
please!”
Jim had listened in intense amusement.
How positive she was and how authoritative! Her
straight little back, her severe braids, her stern
blue eyes roving the hall as she touched the familiar
chords, were all so different from the vague young
women who were Barbara’s friends. She played
a few wandering chords after the distribution of gifts
began, watching the children file up the aisle, and
listening, with only an occasional lifting of her
blue eyes to his face, to Doctor Studdiford’s
smiling comments. Her heart was beating high under
a flood of unsensed joy, she did not know why — but
she was happy beyond all words.
“I’m afraid I’ll
have to go help Miss Pierce and Miss Furey, Doctor,”
she said presently, standing up. “Our Miss
Scott, who got married two years ago, used to be a
perfect wonder at times like this! Here, little
girl, little girl! You don’t come to the
classes, do you? No? Well, then, go back
to your seat and wait — you see!” She
turned despairingly to Jim. “You see, they’re
simply making a mess of it!”
“I have to go, anyway,” said Jim.
“Oh?” Julia turned surprised
eyes toward him, and said the one thing she meant
to avoid. “But Mrs. Toland and Miss Barbara
are coming,” she submitted.
“And what of it?” Jim
said meaningly. It was his turn to say the awkward
thing. “How are the nerves these days?”
he asked quickly.
Colour flooded Julia’s face.
“Much better, thank you!
I gave the tonic up weeks ago. It was just nerves,”
explained Julia, “a sort of breakdown after we
came back from Cloverdale! And I’m so much
obliged to you!” she ended shyly.
“Oh, not at all, not at all!”
Jim protested gruffly. An unmanageable silence
hung between them for a few seconds; then Julia, with
a murmured excuse, went to the extrication of Miss
Pierce, now hopelessly involved in a surge of swarming
children, and Jim went on his way. He carried
with him a warm memory of the erect young figure in
white, and the thick twisted braid, set against a
background of Christmas green. For Julia the
rest of the afternoon was enchanted; an enchantment
subtly flavoured with the odour of evergreen, and
pierced by rapturous voices, and by the glowing colours
of the Christmas tree, and the slapping rain at the
window.
She and Miss Toland sat down, exhausted
and well satisfied, at seven o’clock, to a scrappy
little supper in the littered dining-room: one
director had left chocolates, another violets; a child’s
soiled hair ribbon, still tied, lay on the floor;
the chairs were pushed about at all angles.
“Give me some more coffee, dear,
and open that box of candy,” said Miss Toland
luxuriously. “We’ll sleep late, and
go to high mass at the Cathedral. Alice always
has room in her pew. And then we might go over
to Sausalito and say ‘Merry Christmas.’
They’ll all be scattered; Jim tells me he and
my brother have an operation at twelve, poor wretches!
And I suppose Barbara and little Sally will be off
somewhere. Sally always tries to keep them together
for Christmas Eve, but in my opinion they’re
all bored by this tree and stocking business.
But of course Ned and his extraordinary wife will
be all over the place!”
“I’ve not been in Sausalito,
except once, for eight years,” Julia said reflectively.
“I know you’ve not.
Well, we’ll go to-morrow.” Miss Toland
reached for a cigarette; yawned as she lighted it.
But Julia’s heart began to beat fast in nervous
anticipation.
Mrs. Toland received them very graciously
the next day, and Julia was at once made to feel at
home in the pretty house, which was littered charmingly
to-day with all sorts of Christmas gifts, and bright
with open fires. Barbara was there, and the crippled
Richie, but Sally had gone to a Christmas concert
with her devoted little squire, Keith Borroughs, and
Mrs. Toland presently took Miss Sanna aside for a long,
distressed confidence. Theodora, it seemed, had
had a stormy argument with her father on the subject
of her admirer, Robert Carleton, some days before,
and yesterday had left, in defiance of all authority,
to meet him for a walk, and lunch with him. She
and her father had not spoken to each other since,
and Ted was keeping her room. Julia met Ned’s
wife, a pretentious, complacent little gabbling village
belle, and was dragged about by the younger sisters
to look at everybody’s presents.
“Must be a long time since we
saw you here, Miss Page?” said the old doctor,
smiling at her over his glasses, as he carved at luncheon.
“I was here two years ago, one
afternoon,” Julia smiled. “But I think
I haven’t seen you since ’The Amazons’ — eight
years ago!”
“Eight years!” Barbara
said, struck. “Mother, do you realize that
it is eight years since I was in that play with the
Hazzards and Gray Babcock and the Grinells? Isn’t
that awful?” She fell into sombre thought.
Julia went through the day in a sort
of deep study. This was the enchanted castle
that had stood to her for so long as the unattainable
height of dreams; these were the envied inhabitants
of that castle. Everything was the same, except
herself, yet how incredibly the change in her affected
everything about her! She was at home here now,
could answer the table pleasantries with her ready,
grave smile, could feel that her interest in Constance
and Jane was a pleasure to them, or could pick a book
from the drawing-room table with the confidence that
what she said of it would not be ridiculous.
She could even feel herself happier than Barbara,
who listened so closely to what Julia said of the
settlement house, and sighed as she listened.
After luncheon Richie took her driving
over cold country roads, behind a big-boned gray mare,
and adored her, though she never dreamed it, because
she neither offered to take the reins nor asked him
at intervals if his back was tired. He was finishing
work at the school of medicine now, and although he
could never hope to be in regular practice, his thin,
bony face was very bright as he outlined his plans.
Julia listened to him sympathetically, and said good-bye
to him at the boat with a sense of genuine liking
on both sides. Miss Toland was waiting for her
on the upper deck, her long nose nipped and red in
the cold air.
“Well, he saw that you didn’t
miss it, after all!” said she, with a welcoming
light for Julia in her sharp eyes, though she did not
smile. “Sit down! I’ve been
hearing nice things about you, my dear! I said
to Sally, ‘So there is something in old
maids’ children, eh?’” Miss Toland
chuckled; she was well pleased with her protegee.
Julia settled herself comfortably beside her.
She liked to watch the running gray water, and to
feel the cold December wind in her face. The thought
of Mark was always with her, poor Mark! so much more
in her heart dead than living! But to-day his
memory seemed only a part of the tender past; it was
toward the future that her heart turned; she felt young
and strong and full of hope.
In the new year Jim began to come
pretty regularly to the settlement house. Sometimes
he stayed but for two minutes, never for more than
ten, and usually, even if Julia was out, he left some
little gift for her, a book or a magazine, flower
seeds, or violets, or a box of candy. She would
glance up from the soiled and rumpled sewing of some
small girl to find Jim smiling at her from the stage
door, or come back from her little shopping round
and have a moment’s chat with him on the steps.
She grew more and more silent, more and more self-contained,
but her beauty deepened daily, and her eyes shone
like blue stars.
“God, I will not believe it — I
cannot believe it!” said Julia, on her
knees, at night, her hands pressed tight against her
eyes. “But I think he is beginning to love
me!” And she walked in a strange dazzle of happiness,
rejoicing in every sunny morning that, with its warmth
and blueness and distant soft whistles from the bay,
seemed to promise the spring, and rejoicing no less
when rain beat against the windows of The Alexander,
and the children rushed in upon her at three o’clock
with raindrops in their hair and on their glowing
cheeks. The convent garden, in the February mornings,
the assembly room, with late uncertain sunlight checking
its floor in the long afternoons, the Colonial restaurant
filled with lights and the odours of food at night,
all these familiar things seemed strangely new and
thrilling, and the arrival of the postman was, twice
a day, a heart-shaking event.
In April Doctor Toland went on a fortnight’s
trip to Mexico, and took his third daughter with him,
in the undisguised hope of winning some small share
of her confidence, and convincing her of his own disinterested
affection. Two days later Barbara telephoned her
aunt the harrowing news of Sally’s elopement
with Keith Borroughs, and Miss Toland went at once
to Sausalito, taking Julia along.
They found the big house full of excitement.
Richie was with his mother, who had retired to her
room and was tearful and hysterical; Ned and his wife
had gone back after Christmas to the country town,
where he held a small position under his father-in-law;
and Jim was doing both his own work and that of his
foster father for the time being, and could not be
found by telephone; so Julia was received by Barbara
and the two younger girls, who were not inclined to
make light of the event.
“Four years younger than Sally!”
said Constance, not for the first time.
“It’s not that,”
Barbara contributed disgustedly. “But he’s
only nineteen — not of age, even! And
he hasn’t one single penny! Why, Mrs. Carter
was thinking of sending him abroad for two years’
work with his music. I see her doing it
now! Little sloppy-haired, conceited idiot, that’s
what he is!”
“And Richie says he’ll
have to have his mother’s consent before he can
marry her,” said Jane with a virtuous air.
“It’s too disgusting!”
Barbara added, giving Jane a sharp glance. “And
you oughtn’t talk that way, Jane; it doesn’t
sound very well in a girl your age to talk about any
one’s having to marry any one!”
“I know this,” said Constance
gloomily. “It’s going to give this
family a horrible black eye. A fine chance we’ll
have to marry, we younger ones, with Sally disgracing
every one this way!” Constance was the handsomest
of all the Tolands, and felt keenly the disadvantages
of being the youngest of four unmarried sisters.
“Don’t worry about your
marriage until it comes along, Con,” said Barbara
wearily.
“I’ll bet I marry before
you do!” said Constance, without venom.
“I long ago made up my mind
never to marry at all,” Barbara said, with a
bored air. Julia chuckled.
“It is so funny to hear you
go at each other,” she explained. “It
sounds so cross — and it really isn’t
at all! Don’t worry, Miss Toland,”
she added soothingly, “Miss Sally wouldn’t
marry him if she didn’t love him — ”
“Oh, she loves him fast enough!”
Barbara admitted, consoled.
“And if people love each other,
it’s all right,” Julia went on. Barbara
sighed.
“Oh, I hope it is, Julia!”
said she, as conscious of the little familiarity for
all her abstracted air as Julia was, and suspecting
that it thrilled Julia, as indeed it did.
“And it’s all the result
of idleness, that’s what it is, and that’s
what I’ve been telling your mother,” said
Miss Toland, coming in. “You’ve all
got nothing to do except sit about and think how bored
you are!”
“Oh, Auntie, aren’t you
low?” Barbara said tranquilly, going to take
an arm of her chair. “All sorts of people
elope — there’s nothing so disgraceful
in that.”
“It’s disgraceful considering
what a father you’ve got, and what a mother!”
Miss Toland said vexatiously. “And Ted worrying
your father to death about that scamp, too! I
declare it’s too much!”
“He’s a pretty rich scamp,
and a pretty attractive scamp,” Barbara said
in defence of Theodora’s choice. “He’s
not like that kid of a Keith!”
Julia heard the garden gate slam,
and a quick, springing step on the porch before the
others did, but it was Jane who said, “Here’s
Jim!” and Barbara who went to let him in.
“Oh, Jimmy, have you heard of
Sally?” she faltered, and as they came in from
the hall Julia’s quick eye saw that she was half
clinging to his shoulder, sister fashion, and that
his arm was half about her.
“Hello, every one!” said
his big, reassuring voice. “How’s
Mother? Hello, Aunt Sanna — and Miss
Page, too! Well, this is fun, isn’t it?
Yes, Miss Babbie, I’ve heard of Sally, Sally
Borroughs, as she is now — ”
“What! Married?”
said every one at once, and Mrs. Toland, making an
impressive entrance with Richie, sank into a deep chair
and echoed: “Married?”
“Married, Mother dear,”
said Jim. “They found me in Dad’s
office at five o’clock; Keith’s father,
a fierce sort of man, was with them, and was for calling
the whole thing off. Sally was crying, poor girl,
and Keith miserable — ”
“Oh, poor old Sally!” said Barbara’s
tender voice.
“You should have brought her
straight home to me!” Mrs. Toland added severely.
“Well, so I thought at first.
But they had their license, which would be in the
morning papers anyway, and Sally had done the fool
thing of mailing letters to two girl friends when
she left here this morning — ”
“She left me a mere scribble,
pinned to her pin-cushion,” said her mother,
magnificently. “Just as any common actress — ”
“Oh, Mother! it wasn’t
pinned to her cushion at all!” Barbara protested.
“She had no pincushion, she has a pin tray.”
“I hardly see how it matters,
Babbie; it was on her bureau, anyway! Just like
a servant girl!” Mrs. Toland persisted.
“Well, anyway, it seemed best
to push it right through,” said Jim, “especially
as they persisted that they would do it again or die — or
rather, Sally did!”
“Oh, Jim, don’t!”
wailed Sally’s mother. “Poor, deluded
child!”
“I don’t mean that Keith
wasn’t fiery enough,” Jim hastened to say.
“He’s a decent enough little fellow, and
he’s madly in love. So we all went up to
the French church, and Father Marchand married them — ”
“A child of mine!” said Mrs. Toland, stricken.
“Keith’s father and I
witnessed,” pursued Jim, “and we both kissed
the bride — ”
“Sally! And she was such
a dear sweet baby!” whispered Mrs. Toland, big
tears beginning to run down her cheeks.
“Ah, Mother!” Constance
said soothingly, at her mother’s knees.
“Sally’s of age, of course,”
Jim argued soothingly, “and one couldn’t
bring her home like a child. The thing would have
gotten out, and she’d have been a marked girl
for life! There’s really no reason
why they shouldn’t marry, and the boy — Keith,
that is, put her into a carriage quite charmingly,
and they drove off. They’ll go no farther
than Tamalpais or the Hotel Rafael, probably, for
Keith has to be back at work on Monday, and I made
him promise to bring Sally here on Sunday night.”
“And what will they live on?” Mrs. Toland
asked stonily.
“That isn’t worrying them.
Sally has — what? From those bonds of
her grandfather’s?”
“Three hundred a year,” Mrs. Toland said
discouragingly.
“And Keith gets fifty-five a month. That’s
eighty — h’m!” pursued Jim.
“Well, some of us simply will
have to help them,” suggested Mrs. Toland, with
a swift, innocent glance at Miss Sanna.
“His father will have to help,” Miss Toland
countered firmly.
They presently adjourned to the dining-room,
all still talking — even Julia — of
Sally. Sally would have to take the Barnes cottage,
at fifteen dollars a month, and do her own cooking,
and her own sewing —
“They can dine here on Sundays,”
said Sally’s mother, sniffing and wiping her
eyes.
“And wouldn’t it be awful
if they had a baby!” Jane flung out casually.
Every one felt the indelicacy of this,
except Julia, who relieved all Jane’s hearers
by saying warmly:
“Oh, don’t say awful!
Why, you’d all go wild over a dear little baby!”
Doctor Studdiford gave her a curious
look at this, and though Julia did not see it, Barbara
did. After dinner the doctor and Barbara played
whist with the older ladies, and Julia sat looking
over their shoulders for a few minutes, and then went
upstairs with Constance and Jane for a long, delightful
gossip. The girls must show her various pictures
of Keith and Sally, books full of kodak prints, and
everywhere Julia saw Jim, too: Jim from the days
of little boyhood on to to-day, Jim as camp cook,
Jim as tennis champion, Jim riding, yachting, fishing;
a younger Jim, in the East at college, a small, stocky,
unrecognizable Jim, in short trousers and straw hat.
And everywhere, with him, Barbara.
“That’s when they gave
a play — I was only five,” Constance
said. “See, this is Jim as Jack Horner,
and Babbie as Mother Goose. And look! here’s
Jim on a pony — that’s at his grandfather’s
place in Honolulu, He stayed there a month every year,
when he was a little boy, and Mother and Barbara visited
there once. Here we all are, swimming, at Tahoe.
And here’s Bab in the dress she wore at her
coming-out tea — isn’t it dear?
And look! here she is in an old dress of Jim’s
mother, and see the old pearls; aren’t they
lovely? Jim gave them to her when she was twenty.”
“Jim was crazy about her then,” said Jane.
“I don’t think he was,” Constance
said perversely.
“Oh, Con, you know he was!”
Jane protested. “He was, too,”
she added, to Julia.
“I don’t think he was,” persisted
Constance lightly.
Barbara came in a second later, and again the talk
went back to Sally.
“Mother and Aunt Sanna said good-night,”
reported Barbara, “and Aunt
Sanna said to leave the door between your rooms open,
and — oh, yes,
Doctor Studdiford has been teasing Aunt Sanna to stay
for a few days,
Miss Page; he says you look as pale as a little ghost!”
“I liked so much to have you
call me Julia,” was Julia’s extremely
tactful answer to this. Barbara, perhaps glad
to find her message so casually dismissed, smiled
her prettiest.
“Julia — then!”
and Barbara sat down on a bed, and began to roll up
her belt. “Aunt Sanna says she gives Sally
and Keith about three months — ” she
began.
Two days later, on Sunday, the bride
and groom came home. Sally, who looked particularly
well and was quite unashamed, rushed into her mother’s
arms, and laughed and cried like a creature possessed.
She kissed all her sisters, and if there was a note
of disapproval in her welcome, she did not get it.
Richie having charitably carried off the somewhat
sullen young husband, the bride was presently free
to open her heart to the women of the house.
“It’s all so different
when you’re married, isn’t it, Mother?”
bubbled Sally. “Going into hotels and everything — you
don’t care who looks at you, you know you’ve
a perfect right to go anywhere with your husband!
Now, that look that Keith just gave me, as he went
off with Richie — blazing! Well,
it would just have amused me when we were engaged,
but now I know that he’s simply wretched with
jealousy, and I’ll have to pet him a little
and quiet him down! He is a perfect child about
money; he will spend too much on everything,
and if we go abroad I’ll simply have to — ”
“Go abroad?” every one echoed.
“Oh, I think we must, for Keith’s
music,” Sally said gravely. “He can’t
settle down here, you know. He’s got to
live abroad, and he’s got to have lessons — expensive
lessons. Office work makes him too nervous, anyway.”
“Well, my dear, I hope you have
money enough to carry out these pleasing plans,”
said Miss Toland dryly.
“Well, we have my twenty-five
a month,” Sally said capably, “and Keith’s
father ought to give him another twenty-five,
because the expense of having Keith live at home will
be gone, and” — Sally fixed a hopeful
eye on her mother — “and I should think
Dad would give me at least that, Mother,” said
she. “I must cost him much more than that!”
“Oh, I — don’t — know!”
said Mrs. Toland guardedly, taken unawares, and slowly
shaking her head.
“Then I thought,” pursued
the practical Sally, “that if you would give
me half the clothes of a regular trousseau, and if
Dad would give us our travelling expenses to Berlin
for a wedding present — why, there you are!”
“But you two couldn’t
live on seventy-five dollars a month, Sally!”
“Oh, Mother, Jeannette said
you could get a lovely room for two — in a
pension — for a dollar a day! And that
leaves forty for lessons, two a week, and five dollars
over!”
“For laundry and carfare and
doctor’s bills,” said Miss Toland unsympathetically.
“Well!” Sally flared, resentful colour
in her cheeks.
“And Dad will never consent
to anything so outrageously unfair as living
on thirty-five and spending forty for lessons!”
said Barbara.
Poor little Sally looked somewhat crushed.
“For heaven’s sake don’t
let Keith hear you say that, Babbie!” she said
nervously. “It makes him frantic to suggest
that you can get decent lessons in harmony for nothing!
I don’t know what you know about it, anyway.
I’ll fix it with Dad!”
“If Dad allows Sally so much,
he ought to do the same for the rest of us,”
Constance suggested. Julia, foreseeing a scene,
slipped out of the room.
In the hallway she encountered Doctor
Studdiford, who was just downstairs after a late sleep.
Jim had the satisfied air of a man who has had a long
rest, a shave and a bath, and a satisfactory breakfast.
“Family conference?” he
said, nodding toward the sitting-room door.
“Sally and Keith are here,” Julia announced.
“Oh, are they? Well, I
ought to go in. But I also ought to walk up to
the Ridge, and see that poor fellow who ran a shaft
into his leg.” Jim hesitated. “I
suppose you wouldn’t like to go with me?”
he asked, with his sudden smile. Julia’s
heart jumped; her eyes answered him. “Well,
wrap up snug,” said Jim, “for there’s
the very deuce of a wind!”
So Julia tied herself into the most
demure of hats, and buttoned her long coat about her,
and Jim shook himself into his heaviest overcoat,
and pulled an old cap down over his eyes. They
let themselves out at a side door, and a gust of wet
wind howled down upon them, and shook a shower from
the madly rippling ivy leaves. The sky was high
and pale, and crossed by hurrying and scattered clouds;
a clean, roaring gale tore over the hills, and ruffled
the rain pools in the road, and bowed the trees like
whips. The bay was iron colour; choppy waves chased
each other against the piers. Now and then a
pale flicker of sunlight brightened the whole scene
with blues and greens and shadows spectacularly clear;
then the clouds met again, and the wind sang like a
snapped wire.
Julia and the doctor climbed the long
flights of stairs that cut straight up through the
scattered homes on the hill. These earthen steps
were still running with the late rain, and moss lay
on them like a green film. Julia breathed hard,
a veil of blown hair crossed her bright eyes, her
stinging cheeks glowed.
“I love this kind of a day!”
she shouted. Jim’s gloved hand helped her
to cross a wide pool, and his handsome eyes were full
of all delight as he shouted back.
Presently, when they were in a more
quiet bit of road, he told her of some of his early
boyish walks. “Listen, Julia!” he
said, catching her arm. “D’you hear
them? It’s the peepers! We used to
call them that, little frogs, you know — sure
sign of the spring!”
And as the wind lulled Julia heard
the brave little voices of a hundred tiny croakers
in some wet bit of meadow. “We’ll
have buttercups next week!” said Jim.
He told her something of the sick
man to whom they were going, and spoke of other cases,
of his work and his hopes.
“Poor Kearney!” said Jim,
“his oldest kid was sick, then his wife had a
new baby, and now this! You’ll like the
baby — he’s a nice little kid.
I took him in my arms last time I was here, and I
wish you could have seen the little lip curl up, but
he wouldn’t cry! A kid two months old can
be awfully cunning!” He looked a little ashamed
of this sentiment, but Julia thought she had never
seen anything so bright and simple and lovable as
the smile with which he asked her sympathy.
She was presently mothering the baby,
in the Kearneys’ little hot living-room, while
Doctor Studdiford caused the patient in the room beyond
to shout with pain. The howling wind had a sinister
sound, heard up here within walls, and Julia was glad
to be out in it, and going down the hills again.
“Well, how do you like sick calls?” asked
Jim.
“I was glad not to have to see
him,” Julia confessed. “But it is
a darling baby, and such a nice little wife!
She has a sister who comes up every afternoon, so
she can get some sleep, poor thing. His mother
is going to pay their rent until he gets well, and
he gets two dollars a week from his union. But
she said that if you hadn’t — ”
“Well, you know now, for such
a quiet little mouse of a girl, Julia, you are a pretty
good confidence woman!”
“And the baby’s to be
named for you!” Julia ended triumphantly.
“Lord, they needn’t have
done that!” said the doctor, with his confused,
boyish flush. “Look, Julia, how the tide
has carried that ferryboat out of her course!”
Julia’s heart flew with the
winds; she felt as if she had never known such an
hour of ecstasy before. They had crossed the upper
road, and were halfway down the last flight of steps,
when Jim suddenly caught her hand, and turned her
about to face him. Dripping trees shut in this
particular landing, and they were alone under the wind-swept
sky. Jim put his arms about her, and Julia raised
her face, with all a child’s serene docility,
for his kiss.
“Do you love me, Julie?”
said Jim urgently, then. “Do you love me,
little girl? Because I love you so much!”
Not the words he had so carefully
chosen to say, but he said them a score of times.
If Julia answered, it was only with a confused murmur,
but she clung to him, and her luminous eyes never moved
from his own.
“Oh, my God, I love you so!”
Jim said, finally releasing her, only to catch her
in his arms again. “Won’t you say
it once, Julia, just to let me hear you?”
“But I did say it,” Julia said, dimpling
and rosy.
“Oh, but darling, you don’t know how hungry
I am to hear you!”
“How — how could I
help it?” Julia stammered; and now the blue eyes
she raised were misty with tears.
Jim found this satisfactory, intoxicatingly
so. They went a few steps farther and sat on
a bit of dry bulk-heading, and began to discuss the
miracle. About them the winds of spring shouted
their eternal promise, and in their hearts the promise
that is as new and as old as spring came to dazzling
flower.
“My clever, sweet, little dignified
girl!” said Jim. “Julia, do you know
that you are the most fascinating woman in the world?
I never saw any one like you!”
“I — Oh, Jim!”
was all that Julia said, but her dimples and the nearness
of the blue eyes helped the stammered words.
“Among all the chattering, vapid
girls I know,” pursued Jim, “you stand
utterly alone, you with your ambitions, and your wiseness!
By George! when I think what you have made of yourself,
I could get down and worship you. I feel like
a big spoiled kid beside you! I’ve always
had all the money I could spend, and you, you game
little thing, you’ve grubbed and worked and
made things do!”
“I never had any ambition as
high as marrying you,” Julia said, with
the mysterious little smile that at once baffled and
enchanted him. “When I think of it, it
makes me feel giddy, like a person walking in a valley
who found himself set down on top of a mountain!
I never thought of marriage at all!”
“But you are going to marry
me, sweet, aren’t you?” Jim asked anxiously.
“And you are happy, dear? For I feel
as if I would die of joy and pride!”
“Oh, I’m happy!”
Julia said, and instantly her lip quivered, and her
eyes brimmed with tears. She jumped to her feet,
and caught him by the hand. “Come on!”
she said. “We mustn’t be so
long!”
“But darling,” said Jim,
infinitely tender, “why the tears?”
For answer she caught his coat in
her shabbily gloved little hands.
“Because I love you so, Jim,”
she faltered, trying to smile. “You don’t
know how much!” Her voice had dropped to a whisper,
and for a moment her eyes looked far beyond him, down
into the valley, and at the iron-cold bay with its
racing whitecaps. Then she took his hand, and
they began to descend the steps.
“I may tell my mother, Julie?”
Jim asked joyously. “And Aunt Sanna?
And do you know that Julia is one of my favourite
names — ”
“No, I want you not to tell
any one,” Julia decided quickly. “You
must promise me that. Nobody.” Something
in her tone surprised, a little chilled, him.
“Julie — but why?”
“Well, because we want to be sure — ”
“Oh, sure! Why, but, dearest, aren’t
you — ”
“No, but wait a moment,”
Julia interrupted, and Jim, turning toward her, saw
a real trouble reflected in her face. “I
want you to meet my mother, and my own people,”
she said, scarlet cheeked. Jim’s grave,
comprehensive look met hers.
“And I want to, dear,”
he said. And then, as her face did not brighten:
“Why, my dearest, you aren’t going to worry
because your people aren’t in the Social Register,
and don’t go to the Brownings’? I
know all sorts of people, Ju — Kearney, up
there, is a good friend of mine! And I know from
Aunt Sanna that you’re a long way ahead of your
own people.”
“I don’t know whether
it’s ‘ahead’ or not,” said
Julia, with a worried laugh. “I suppose
only God knows the real value of finger bowls and
toothbrushes and silk stockings! I suppose
it’s ’ahead’!”
She opened the Tolands’ side
gate as she spoke, and they went into the bare garden.
“Well — but don’t
go in,” pleaded Jim, “there’ll be
a mob about us in no time, and I’ve never had
you to myself before! When may I come see your
people?”
“Will you write?” Julia asked at the side
door.
“Oh, but darling, when we’ve
just begun to talk!” fretted Jim. “Would
you dare to kiss me right here — no one could
possibly see us!”
“I would not!”
And Julia flashed him one laughing look as she opened
the door. A moment later he heard her running
up the stairway.
Julia found Miss Toland upstairs,
hastily packing. “Well, runaway!”
said the older lady. And then, in explanation,
“I think we’d best go, Julia, for my brother
and Teddy have just got home, and there’ll have
to be a great family council to-night.”
“Would you stay if I went?”
Julia asked, coming close to her.
“No, you muggins! I’d
pack you off in a moment if that was what I meant!
No, I’m glad enough to get out of it!”
Miss Toland stood up. “What’s Jim
Studdiford been saying to you to give you cheeks like
that?” she asked.
“I don’t know,”
Julia whispered, with a tremulous laugh. And for
the first time she went into Miss Toland’s open
arms, and hid her face, and for the first time they
kissed each other.
“Anything settled?” the
older woman presently asked in great satisfaction.
“Not — quite!” Julia said.
“Not quite! Well, that’s
right; there’s no need of hurry. Oh, law
me! I’ve seen this coming,” Miss
Toland assured her; “he all but told me himself
a week ago! Well, well, well! And it only
goes to show, Julia,” she added, shaking a skirt
before she rolled it into a ball and laid it in her
suitcase, “that if you give a girl an occupation,
she’s better off, she’s more useful, and
it doesn’t keep her fate from finding her out!
You laugh, because you’ve heard me say this before,
but it’s true!”
Julia had laughed indeed; her heart
was singing. She would have laughed at anything
to-day.
Four days later, at four o’clock
in the afternoon, Doctor Studdiford called at The
Alexander, and Miss Page joined him, in street attire,
at once. They walked away to the car together,
in a street suddenly flooded with golden sunshine.
“Did you tell your mother I was coming, dear?”
“Oh, Jim, of course! I never would dare
take them unawares!”
“And did you tell her that you
were going to be my adored and beautiful little wife
in a few months?”
“In a few months — hear
the man! In a few years! No, but I gave them
to understand that you were my ‘friend.’
I didn’t mention that you are a multi-millionaire
and a genius on leg bones — ”
“Julia, my poor girl, if you
think you are marrying a multi-millionaire, disabuse
your mind, dear child! Aren’t women mercenary,
though! Here I thought I — No, but seriously,
darling, why shouldn’t your mother have the
satisfaction of knowing that your future is pretty
safe?”
“Well, that’s hard to
say, Jim. But I think you will like her better
if she takes it for granted that you are just — well,
say just the sort of doctor we might have called in
to the settlement house, establishing a practice,
but quite able to marry. I feel,” said Julia,
finding her words with a little difficulty, “that
my mother might hurt my feelings — by doubting
my motives, otherwise — and if she hurt my
feelings she would anger you, wouldn’t she?”
“She certainly would!”
Jim smiled, but the look he gave his plucky little
companion was far removed from mirth.
“And I do dread this call,”
Julia said nervously. “I came down here
yesterday, just to say we were coming, and it all struck
me as being — However, there’s the
house, and you’ll soon see for yourself!”
The house itself was something of
a shock to Jim, but if Julia guessed it, he gave her
no evidence of his feeling, and was presently taken
into the stifling parlour, and introduced to Julia’s
mother, a little gray now, but hard lipped and bright
eyed as ever, and to Mrs. Cox, who had been widowed
for some years, and was a genial, toothless, talkative
old woman, much increased in her own esteem and her
children’s as the actual owner of the old house.
“Mother, we want some air in
here!” Julia said, going to a window.
“Julia’s a great girl
for fresh air,” said Emeline. “Sit
down, Doctor, and don’t mind Ma!” Mrs.
Cox, perhaps slightly self-conscious, was wandering
about the room picking threads from the carpet, straightening
the pictures on the walls, and dubiously poking a small
stopped clock on the mantel.
“How’s your arm to-day?”
Julia asked, stopping behind her mother’s chair,
and laying two firm young hands on her shoulders.
“What do you think of a girl
that runs off and doesn’t see her mother for
weeks at a time, Doctor?” Mrs. Page demanded
a little tartly. “Her papa and I was devoted
to her, too! But I suppose if she marries, she’ll
be too grand for us altogether!”
“Now, Mother!” said Julia
pleadingly, half vexed, half indulgent.
“I had an elegant little place
myself when I was first married,” Mrs. Page
continued, in a sort of discontented sing-song.
“Julia must have told you about her papa — ”
Julia’s serious eyes flashed
a look to Jim, and he saw something almost like humour
in their blue deeps.
“That’s a crayon enlargement
of my youngest son,” the old woman was presently
saying, “Chess. A better boy never lived,
but he got in with bad companions and they got him
in jail. Yes, indeed they did! On’y
the governor let him out again — ”
The call was not long. Doctor
Studdiford shook hands with both the ladies, in departing,
and Julia kissed her mother and grandmother dutifully.
The two walked almost in silence to the car.
“Downtown?” asked Julia, in surprise.
“Downtown, for tea,” Jim
said. And when they were comfortably established
in a secluded corner of the Golden Pheasant, he expelled
a long breath from his lungs, and sent Julia his sunniest
smile as he said:
“Well, you’re a wonder!”
“I?” Julia touched her heart with her
fingers, and raised her eyebrows.
“Oh, yes, you are!” Jim
repeated. “You’re a little wonder!
To make yourself so sweet and fine and dear, it shows
that you’re one of the big people of the world,
Julie! Some one of the writers, Emerson I guess
it was, says that when you find a young person who
is willing to accept the wisdom of older people, and
abide by it, why, you may watch that young person
for great things. And you see, I propose to!”
Julia had no answering smile ready.
Instead her face was very grave as she said musingly:
“I hardly know why I wanted
you to meet my mother and grandmother, Jim. I
don’t know quite what I expected when you did
meet them, but — but you mustn’t make
light of the fact that they are different from
your people, and different from me, too. For
three or four days and nights now I’ve been
thinking about — us. I’ve been
wondering whether this engagement would be a — a
happy thing for you, Jim. I’ve wondered — ”
“But, sweetheart!” he
interrupted eagerly, “I love you! You’re
the only woman I ever wanted to marry! I love
you just because you are different, you are
so much wiser and deeper and truer than any other girl
I ever knew, and if your people and your life have
made you that, why I love them, too! And you
do love me, Julie?”
Julia raised heavy eyes, and he could
see that tears were pressing close behind them.
She did not speak, but her look suddenly enveloped
him like a cloud. Jim felt a sudden prick of
tears behind his own eyes.
“Sweetness,” he said gravely,
“I know you love me! And Julia, my whole
soul is simply on fire for you. Don’t — don’t
let any mere trifle come between us now. Let
me tell my mother and father to-morrow!”
A clear light was shining in Julia’s
eyes. Now, as she automatically arranged the
tea things before her, and poured him his first cup
of tea, she said:
“Jim, I told you that I haven’t
thought much about marriage for myself. I suppose
it’s funny that I shouldn’t, for they say
most girls do! But perhaps it was because the
biographies and histories I began to read when I came
to the settlement house were all about men: how
Lincoln rose, how Napoleon rose, how this rich man
sold newspapers when he was a little boy, and that
other one spent his first money in taking his mother
out of the poorhouse. And of course marriage doesn’t
enter so much into the lives of men. It came
to me years ago that what wise men are trying to din
into young people everywhere is just this: that
if you make yourself ready for anything, that thing
will come to you. Just do your end, and somewhere
out in the queer, big, incomprehensible machinery
of the world your place will mysteriously begin to
get ready for you — Am I talking sense, Jim?”
“Absolutely. Go on!” said Jim.
“Well, and so I thought that
if I took years and years I might — well,
you won’t see why, but I wanted to be a lady!”
confessed Julia, her lips smiling, but with serious
eyes. “And, Jim, everything comes so much
more easily than one thinks. Your aunt knew I
wasn’t, but I happened to be what she needed,
and I kept quiet, and listened and learned!”
“And suppose you hadn’t
happened upon the settlement house?” asked Jim,
his ardent eyes never moving from her face.
“Why, I would have done it somehow,
some other way. I meant to take a position in
some family, and perhaps be a trained nurse when I
was older, or study to be a librarian and take the
City Hall examinations, or work up to a post-office
position! I had lots of plans, only of course
I was only a selfish little girl then, and I thought
I would disappear, and never let my own people hear
from me again!”
“But you softened on that point, eh?”
asked Jim.
“Oh, right away!” Julia’s
wonderful eyes shone upon him with something unearthly
in their light. “Because God decides to
whom we shall belong, Jim,” said she, with childish
faith, “and to start wrong with my own people
would mean that I was all wrong, everywhere. But
my highest ambition then was to grow, as the years
went on, to be useful to nice people, and to be liked
by them. I never dreamed every one would be so
friendly! And when Miss Pierce and Miss Scott
have asked me to their homes, and when Mrs. Forbes
took me to Santa Cruz, and Mrs. Chetwynde asked me
to dine with them, well, I can’t tell you what
it meant!”
“It meant that you are as good — and
better, in every way — than all the rest
of them put together!” said the prejudiced Jim.
“Oh, Jim!” Julia looked
at him over her teacup, a breach of manners which
Jim thought very charming. “No,” she
said, presently, pursuing her own thoughts, “but
I never thought of marriage! And now you come
along, Jim, so — so good to me, so infinitely
dear, and I can’t — I can’t help
caring — ” And suddenly her lip trembled,
and tears filled her eyes. She looked down at
her teacup, and stirred it blindly.
“You angel!” Jim said.
“Don’t — make — me — cry !”
Julia begged thickly. A second later she looked
up and laughed through tears. “And I feel
like a person who has been skipped over four or five
grades at school; I don’t know whether I can
be a rich man’s wife!” she said whimsically.
“I know I can go on as I am, reading and thinking,
and listening to other people, and keeping quiet when
I have nothing to say, but — but when I think
of being Mrs. James Studdiford — ”
“Oh, I love to hear you say
it!” Jim leaned across the table, and put one
warm big hand over hers. “My darling little
wife!”
The word dyed Julia’s cheeks
crimson, and for the long hour that they lingered
over their tea she seemed to Jim more charming than
he had ever found her before. Her gravity, with
its deep hint of suppressed mirth, and her mirth that
was always so delicate and demure, so shot with sudden
pathos and seriousness, were equally exquisite; and
her beauty won all eyes, from the old waiter who hovered
over their happiness, to the little baby in the street
car who would sit in Julia’s lap and nowhere
else. Jim presently left Julia to her Girls’
Club, consoling himself with the thought that on the
following night they were to make their first trip
to the theatre together.
But when, at half-past seven the next
evening, Jim presented himself at the settlement house,
he found Julia alone, and obviously not dressed for
the theatre. She admitted him with a kiss that
to his lover’s enthusiasm was strangely cool,
and drew him into the reception hall.
“Your aunt had to go out with
Miss Parker,” said Julia. “But she’ll
positively be here a little after eight.”
“My darling, I didn’t
come to see Aunt Sanna!” Jim caught her to him.
“But, sweetheart,” he said, “how
hot your face is, and your poor little hands are icy!
Aren’t you well?”
“No, I don’t believe I’m
very well!” Julia admitted restlessly, lighting
the shaded lamp on the centre table, and snapping off
the side lights that so mercilessly revealed her pale
face and burning eyes.
“Not well enough for the theatre?
Well, but darling, I don’t care one snap for
the theatre,” Jim assured her eagerly. “Only
I hate to see you so nervous and tired. Has it
been a hard day? Aunt Sanna ?”
“No, your aunt’s an angel
to me — no, it’s been an easy day,”
Julia said, dropping into a chair, and pushing her
hair back from her face with a feverish gesture.
A second later she sprang up and disappeared into the
assembly hall. “I thought I mightn’t
have locked the door,” she said, returning.
“Why, sweetheart,” Jim
said, in great distress, “what is it? You’re
not one bit like yourself!”
“No, I know I’m not,”
Julia said wildly. She sat down again. “I’ve
been thinking and thinking all day, until I feel as
if I must go crazy!” she said with a
desperate gesture. “And it’s come
to this, Jim — Don’t think I’m
excited — I mean it. I — we
can’t be married, Jim. That’s all.
Don’t — don’t look so amazed.
People break engagements all the time, don’t
they? And we aren’t really engaged, Jim;
nobody knows it. And — and so it’s
all right!”
Anything less right than Julia’s
ashen face and blazing eyes, and the touch of her
cold wet little hands, Jim thought he had never seen.
He stepped into the bathroom, and ran his eye along
the trim row of labelled bottles on the shelf.
“Here, drink this, dear,”
he said, coming back to her with something clear and
pungent in a glass. “Now, come here,”
and half lifting the little figure in his arms he
put her on the couch, and tucked a plaid warmly about
her. “Don’t forget that your husband
is also a doctor,” said Jim, sitting down so
that he could see her face, and hold one hand in both
of his. “You’re all worn out and excited,
and no wonder! You see, most girls take out their
excess emotion on their families, but my little old
girl is too much alone!”
Julia’s eyes were fixed on him
as if she were powerless to draw them away. It
was sweet — it was poignantly sweet — to
be cared for by him, to feel that Jim’s warm
heart and keen mind were at her service, that the
swift smile was for her, the ardour in his eyes was
all her own. For perhaps half an hour she rested,
almost without speaking, and Jim talked to her with
studied lightness and carelessness. Then suddenly
she sat up, and put her hands to her loosened hair.
“I must look wild, Jim!”
“You look like a ravishing little
gipsy! But I wish you had more colour, mouse!”
“Am I pale?” Julia asked,
with a little nervous laugh. Jim dropped on one
knee beside her, and studied her with anxious eyes,
and she pushed the hair off his forehead, and rested
her cheek against it with a long sigh as if she were
very tired.
“What is it, dear?” asked Jim, with infinite
solicitude.
“Well!” Julia put the
faintest shadow of a kiss on his forehead, then got
abruptly to her feet and crossed the room, as if she
found his nearness suddenly insufferable. “I
can’t break my engagement to you this way, Jim,”
said she. “For even if I told you a thousand
times that I had stopped loving you” — a
spasm of pain crossed her face, she shut her hands
tightly together over her heart — “even
then you would know that I love you with my whole
soul,” she said in a whisper with shut eyes.
“But you see,” and Julia turned a pitiful
smile upon him, “you see there’s something
you don’t understand, Jim! You say I have
climbed up alone, from being a tough little would-be
actress, who lived over a saloon in O’Farrell
Street, to this! You say — and your aunt
says — that I am wise, wise to see what is
worth having, and to work for it! But has it never
occurred to one of you — ” Julia’s
voice, which had been rising steadily, sank to a cold,
low tone. “No,” she said, as if to
herself, sitting down at the table, and resting her
arms upon it. “No, it has never occurred
to one of them to ask why I am different — to
ask just what made me so! Life boils itself down
to this, doesn’t it?” she went on, staring
drearily at the shadowy corner of the room beyond her.
“That women have something to sell, or give
away, and the question is just how much each one can
get for it! That’s what makes the most insignificant
married woman feel superior to the happiest and richest
old maid. She says to herself, ‘I’ve
made my market. Somebody chose me!’ That’s
what motherhood and homemaking rest on: the whole
world is just one great big question of sex, spinning
away in space! And even after a woman is married,
she still plays with sex; she likes to feel that men
admire her, doesn’t she? At dinners there
must be a man for every woman; at dances no two girls
must dance together! And here, the minute a new
girl comes to join my clubs, I try to read her face.
Is she pure, or has she already thrown away — ”
“Julia, dear!”
said Jim, amazed and troubled, but she silenced him
with a quick gesture. Her cheeks were burning
now, and her words came fast.
“Those poor little girls at
St. Anne’s,” she said feverishly, “they’ve
thrown their lives away because this thing that is
in the air all about them came too close. They
were too young legally to be trusted as Nature has
trusted them for years! They heard people talk
of it, and laugh about it — it didn’t
seem very dangerous — ”
“Julia!” Jim said again, pleadingly.
“Just one moment, Jim, and I’ll
be done! When they had learned their lesson,
when they had found out what sorrow it brought, when
they knew that there was only loss and shame in it
for them — then it was too late! Then
men, and women, too, expected them to go on giving;
there was nothing else to do. Oh,” said
Julia, in a heartbreaking voice, bringing her locked
hands down upon the table as if she were in physical
agony, “if the law would only take a hand before
and not afterward! Or if, when they are sick
to death of men, they could believe that time would
wash it all away; that there was clean, good work
for them somewhere in the world!”
“My darling, why distress yourself
about what can’t possibly concern you?”
Jim said. Julia stared at him thoughtfully for
a few silent seconds.
“It does concern me.
That’s how I bought my wisdom,” she said
quietly then, with no emotion deeper than a mild regret
visible in her face. Voice and manner were swept
bare of passion; she seemed infinitely fatigued.
“That’s why I can’t marry you, Jim.”
“What do you mean?” Jim
said easily, uncomprehendingly, the indulgent smile
hardly stricken from his lips.
Julia’s eyes met his squarely across the lamplight.
“That,” she said simply.
There was a silence, and no change
of expression on either face. Then Jim stood
up.
“I don’t believe it!” he said, with
a short laugh.
“It’s true,” said
Julia. “I was not fifteen. How long
ago it was! Nobody has ever known — you
need not have known. But I am glad I told you.
I have been thinking of nothing else but telling you
for two days and two nights. And sometimes I
would say to myself that what that old little ignorant
Julia did would not concern you — ”
Jim made an inarticulate sound, from
where he sat with his elbows on his knees, with his
face dropped in his hands.
“But I see it does concern you!”
Julia said, quickly, with great simplicity. “I — luckily
I decided to tell you this morning,” she said,
“for I am absolutely exhausted now. It was
a terrible thing to keep thinking about, and I could
not have fought it out any longer! There were
extenuating circumstances, I suppose. I was a
spoiled little empty-headed girl; the girls all about
me were reckless in everyway; I did not know the boundary-line,
or dream that it mattered very much, so long as no
one knew! My mother had been unhappy in my childhood,
and used to talk a good deal about the disappointment
of marriage. Perhaps I don’t make myself
clear?”
“You! Julia!”
Jim whispered, his hands still over his face.
“Yes, I know,” Julia said
drearily. “I don’t seem like that
sort of a girl, I know.”
Then there was a long silence.
“You — poor — little — kid!”
Jim said, after a while, getting up and beginning
to walk the floor. “Oh, my God! My
God! Poor little kid!”
“I suppose there are psychological
moments when one wakes up to things,” Julia
went on, in a tone curiously impersonal. “I
was in some theatricals with your sister, years ago.
Every one snubbed me, and no wonder! There was
a man named Carter Hazzard — and I suddenly
seemed to wake up at about that time — ”
“Carter Hazzard!” The
horror in Jim’s voice rang through the room.
Julia frowned.
“I only saw him two or three
times,” she said. “No. But he
flirted with me, and flattered me, and then Barbara
told me he was married, and then I found out that
they all thought I was vulgar and common — and
so I was. And I suppose I wanted to be loved
and made much of, and he — this man — was
good to me!”
“Not you — of all women!”
Jim said dully, as if to himself.
“I know how you feel,”
Julia said without emotion, “because of course
I feel that way, too — now! And I never
loved him, never even thought I did! It was only
a little while — two weeks or three, I guess — before
I told him I couldn’t ever love him. I
said I thought I might, but it was like — like
realizing that I had been throwing away gold pieces
for dimes. Do you know what I mean? And
the most awful disgust came over me, Jim — a
sort of disappointment, that this talked-of and anticipated
thing was no more than that! And then I came
here, and I knew that keeping still about it was my
only chance, and oh, how sick I was, soul and body,
for a fresh start! And then your aunt talked to
me, and said what a pity it is that young girls think
of nothing but love and lovers, and so throw away
their best years, and I thought that I was done with
love; no more curiosity — no more thrill — and
that I would do something with my life after all!”
Her voice dropped, and again there
was silence in the room. Jim continued to pace
the floor.
“Why, there’s never been
a morning at St. Anne’s that I haven’t
looked at those girls,” Julia presently resumed,
“and said to myself that I might have been there,
with my head shaved and a green check dress on!
Lots of them must be better than I!”
“Don’t!” Jim said
sharply, and there was a silence until Julia said
wonderingly:
“Isn’t it funny that all
last night, and the night before, I thought I was
going to die, telling you this — and
now it just doesn’t seem to matter at all?”
“That’s why you’ve
never married?” Jim said, clearing his throat.
“I’ve never wanted to
until now,” Julia said. “And I — I
am so changed now that somehow I would never think
of that — that bad old time, in connection
with marriage! It was as if that part of my life
was sealed beyond opening again —
“And then you came. I only
wanted no one to guess that I cared at first.
And then, when I saw that you were beginning to care,
too, oh, my God! I thought my heart would burst!”
And with sudden terrible passion in
her voice, she got up in her turn and began to pace
the room. Jim, who had flung himself into a chair
opposite hers, rested his elbows on the table, and
his face in his hands.
“But I feel this about your
caring for me, Jim,” Julia said. “In
a strange, mysterious way I feel that giving you up — giving
you up, my best and dearest, is purification!
When — when this is over, I shall have paid!
It may be” — tears flooded her eyes,
and she came back to her chair and laid her head on
her arm — “it may be that I can’t
bear it, and that I will die!” sobbed Julia.
“But I shall always be glad that I told you
this to-night!” There was a long silence, and
then again Jim came to kneel beside her, and put one
arm about her.
“My own little girl!”
said he. At his voice Julia raised her head, and
put her arms about his neck like a weary child, and
rested her wet face against his own.
“My own brave girl!” Jim
said. “I know what courage it took to have
you tell me this! It will never be known to any
one else, sweetheart, and we will bury it in our hearts
forever. Kiss me, dearest, and promise me that
my little wife will stop crying!”
For a moment it was as if she tried to push him away.
“Jim,” she whispered,
tears running down her face, “have you thought — are
you sure?”
“Quite sure, sweetheart,”
he said soothingly and tenderly. “Why, Julie,
wouldn’t you forgive me anything I might have
done when I was only an ignorant little boy?”
Julia tightened her arms about him,
and sobbed desperately for a long while. Then
her breathing quieted, and she let Jim dry her eyes
with his own handkerchief, and listened, with an occasional
long sigh, to his eager, confident plans. They
were still talking quietly when the street door was
flung open and Miss Toland came in, on a rush of fresh
air.
“Rain!” said Miss Toland.
“Terrible night! Not an umbrella in the
Parker house until Clem came home — it’s
quarter to ten!”
“Congratulate us, Aunt Sanna,”
said Jim, rising to his feet with his arm still about
Julia. “Julia has promised to marry me!”